The World's most offensive joke

[Barman]

A woman is in the hospital giving birth. The doctor takes the baby, then promptly throws it out the window. The woman screams, "My baby! You've killed my baby!".....





The doctor replies, "Jokes on you, it was already dead!"..........

 

[apc2010]

Sick jokes are like kids with cancer .........






They never get old ............

[Steve]

[Barman]

Sick jokes are like kids with cancer .........






They never get old ............

 

[boogs]

Not the right place I know 



Nicola Sturgeon is touring Perthshire in the First Minister`s chauffeur driven car.

Suddenly a cow jumps into the road, the car hits it full on and comes to a stop.

Nicola, in her normal jaunty manner, says to the chauffeur

"You were driving, get out and see what was the matter"

The chauffeur gets out and reports, " The animal is dead".

"You were driving, go and tell the farmer" said Nicola, "I can`t afford to be blamed for anything".

The driver trudges up the track to the farmhouse and returns five hours later, totally plastered, his hair all ruffled and a big grin on his face.

"My God, what happened to you", asked Nicola.

The chauffeur replied "Well, when I got there, the farmer opened his best bottle of Malt Whisky, the wife gave me a slap-up meal and the daughter made love to me"

"My God, what on earth did you say to them" asked Nicola.

"I knocked on the door and when it was answered I said " I`m Nicola Sturgeon`s chauffeur and I've killed the cow".

[Barman]

Not the right place I know 



Nicola Sturgeon is touring Perthshire in the First Minister`s chauffeur driven car.

Suddenly a cow jumps into the road, the car hits it full on and comes to a stop.

Nicola, in her normal jaunty manner, says to the chauffeur

"You were driving, get out and see what was the matter"

The chauffeur gets out and reports, " The animal is dead".

"You were driving, go and tell the farmer" said Nicola, "I can`t afford to be blamed for anything".

The driver trudges up the track to the farmhouse and returns five hours later, totally plastered, his hair all ruffled and a big grin on his face.

"My God, what happened to you", asked Nicola.

The chauffeur replied "Well, when I got there, the farmer opened his best bottle of Malt Whisky, the wife gave me a slap-up meal and the daughter made love to me"

"My God, what on earth did you say to them" asked Nicola.

"I knocked on the door and when it was answered I said " I`m Nicola Sturgeon`s chauffeur and I've killed the cow".

 

http://www.virtual-pub.com/SMF/index.php?topic=8111.msg611547#msg611547

[boogs]

Not the right place I know 



Nicola Sturgeon is touring Perthshire in the First Minister`s chauffeur driven car.

Suddenly a cow jumps into the road, the car hits it full on and comes to a stop.

Nicola, in her normal jaunty manner, says to the chauffeur

"You were driving, get out and see what was the matter"

The chauffeur gets out and reports, " The animal is dead".

"You were driving, go and tell the farmer" said Nicola, "I can`t afford to be blamed for anything".

The driver trudges up the track to the farmhouse and returns five hours later, totally plastered, his hair all ruffled and a big grin on his face.

"My God, what happened to you", asked Nicola.

The chauffeur replied "Well, when I got there, the farmer opened his best bottle of Malt Whisky, the wife gave me a slap-up meal and the daughter made love to me"

"My God, what on earth did you say to them" asked Nicola.

"I knocked on the door and when it was answered I said " I`m Nicola Sturgeon`s chauffeur and I've killed the cow".

 

http://www.virtual-pub.com/SMF/index.php?topic=8111.msg611547#msg611547

AFFS   

[Grumpmeister]

Don't care that it's an affs, I'm currently cleaning coffee out of the monitor. 

[Grumpmeister]

I may be mistaken but if I remember correctly the worlds most offensive joke is the aristocrats.

Tsk   

"Are the aristocrats" or "Is the aristocracy"

Unless you were making sure we knew you is not one. 

Nope, the aristocrats has been around for decades now. It's a comedic challenge to create the filthiest most offensive joke of all time. There was even a documentary made about it a few years ago. The premise of the joke is weak but it's just a framework to allow the person telling the joke to see just how far beyond the line of what is considered acceptable they can go.

http://youtu.be/CxGD0rk547Y

Given the versions of it that I have heard over the years that's probably all of the film they could safely use for a green band trailer. I could be wrong but I suspect that even Apey would think some of them go too far.

There are videos of various comics telling it on youtube but I'll warn you in advance to say the are not safe for work would be a massive understatement. Some of them make Frankie Boyle at his most offensive look like Mary Whitehouse.

[Barman]

I may be mistaken but if I remember correctly the worlds most offensive joke is the aristocrats.

Tsk   

"Are the aristocrats" or "Is the aristocracy"

Unless you were making sure we knew you is not one. 

Nope, the aristocrats has been around for decades now. It's a comedic challenge to create the filthiest most offensive joke of all time. There was even a documentary made about it a few years ago. The premise of the joke is weak but it's just a framework to allow the person telling the joke to see just how far beyond the line of what is considered acceptable they can go.

http://youtu.be/CxGD0rk547Y

Given the versions of it that I have heard over the years that's probably all of the film they could safely use for a green band trailer. I could be wrong but I suspect that even Apey would think some of them go too far.

There are videos of various comics telling it on youtube but I'll warn you in advance to say the are not safe for work would be a massive understatement. Some of them make Frankie Boyle at his most offensive look like Mary Whitehouse.

Thanks for that, just watched Brandon Rogers... 

[Grumpmeister]

There is rumoured to be a recording of Bill Hicks doing his version of the joke, I don't know if I want to hear it or run away screaming at what could potentially be included in it. 

[apc2010]

My granddad said " It's going to be horrendous on the roads this weekend,snow is forecast"................



" Tell me something I don't know" I replied..............












"I can get my whole fist up your Nanna's arse " he said ..............

[Barman]

My granddad said " It's going to be horrendous on the roads this weekend,snow is forecast"................



" Tell me something I don't know" I replied..............












"I can get my whole fist up your Nanna's arse " he said ..............

[Steve]

My granddad said " It's going to be horrendous on the roads this weekend,snow is forecast"................



" Tell me something I don't know" I replied..............












"I can get my whole fist up your Nanna's arse " he said ..............

[apc2010]

I was raping this girl tonight in the middle of a supermarket car park and she kept shouting "No, please don't, I'm crippled, I'm crippled!"....




so I did the right thing.............

















I took her over to the disabled parking.....................