Disgusterous

Author Topic: Best Joke at the Edinburgh Fringe  (Read 3051 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

Offline Uncle Mort

  • Power Poster
  • *****
  • Posts: 21217
  • Reputation: 2
Re: Best Joke at the Edinburgh Fringe
« Reply #15 on: August 24, 2009, 01:59:21 PM »
 happy001 happy001 happy001 happy001 happy001 happy001 happy001 happy001 happy001 happy001

Oh god! I've split my sides laughing.

Offline Snoopy

  • Administrator
  • Power Poster
  • *****
  • Posts: 54191
  • Reputation: 0
  • In the Prime of Senility
Re: Best Joke at the Edinburgh Fringe
« Reply #16 on: August 24, 2009, 02:00:25 PM »
Sarcasm is the lowest form of wit ~ my old Mum used to say.
I used to have a handle on life but it broke.

Offline Uncle Mort

  • Power Poster
  • *****
  • Posts: 21217
  • Reputation: 2
Re: Best Joke at the Edinburgh Fringe
« Reply #17 on: August 24, 2009, 02:03:13 PM »
No, that joke was.  ;)

Offline Snoopy

  • Administrator
  • Power Poster
  • *****
  • Posts: 54191
  • Reputation: 0
  • In the Prime of Senility
Re: Best Joke at the Edinburgh Fringe
« Reply #18 on: August 24, 2009, 02:07:42 PM »
I laughed at this one but many find it offensive:

    Paddy had been drinking at his local Dublin pub all day and most of the night celebrating St Patrick?s Day. Mick, the bartender, finally says, ?You?ll not be drinking any more tonight, Paddy.?

    Paddy replies, ?OK Mick, I?ll be on my way then.?

    Paddy spins around on his stool and steps off. He falls flat on his face.

    ?Shoite,? he says and pulls himself up by the stool and dusts himself off. He takes a step towards the door and falls flat on his face again, ?Shoite, Shoite!?

    He looks to the doorway and thinks to himself that if he can just get to the door and some fresh air he?ll be fine. He belly crawls to the door and shimmies up to the door frame. He sticks his head outside and takes a deep breath of fresh air, feels much better, and takes a step out onto the sidewalk and falls flat on his face.

    ?Bi?Jesus?. I?m fockin ? focked,? he says.

    He can see his house just a few doors down, and crawls to the door, hauls himself up the door frame, opens the door and goes inside. He takes a look up the stairs and says, ?No fockin? way.? He crawls up the stairs to his bedroom door and says. ?I can make it to the bed.? He takes a step into the room and falls flat on his face. He says ?Fock it? and falls into bed.

    The next morning, his wife, Jess, comes into the room carrying a cup of coffee and says, ?Get up Paddy. Did you have a bit to drink last night??

    Paddy says, ?I did, Jess. I was fockin? pissed. But how did you know??

    ?Mick phoned? you left your wheelchair at the pub.?
I used to have a handle on life but it broke.

Offline Uncle Mort

  • Power Poster
  • *****
  • Posts: 21217
  • Reputation: 2
Re: Best Joke at the Edinburgh Fringe
« Reply #19 on: August 24, 2009, 02:10:22 PM »
Much better  happy088


Offline Barman

  • Administrator
  • Needs to get out more...
  • *****
  • Posts: 151938
  • Reputation: -50
  • Since 1960...
    • Virtual Pub!
Re: Best Joke at the Edinburgh Fringe
« Reply #20 on: August 24, 2009, 02:24:17 PM »
Englishman, Irishman and Scotsman queuing up at the army medical centre after being called up.

Englishman goes in to see the MO and comes out with a big smile on his face.

?Excellent?, he says, ?I?m FF and don?t have to fight?

?What is FF??, ask the other two.

?Flat feet?, says the Englishman.

Then it is the turn of jock to go in. After a short while he too comes out with a big smile on his face.

?Och aye, excellent?, says the jock, ?I?m SS and don?t have to fight?.

?What is SS?? ask the other two.

?Short sighted?, says jock.

Lastly, Paddy goes in and after a while he comes out grinning from ear to stupid ear.

?Excellent?, says Paddy, ?I?m LC and don?t have to fight!?

?What is LC?? ask the other two.

?Lung Cancer? grins Paddy?
Pro Skub  Thumbs:

Offline Snoopy

  • Administrator
  • Power Poster
  • *****
  • Posts: 54191
  • Reputation: 0
  • In the Prime of Senility
Re: Best Joke at the Edinburgh Fringe
« Reply #21 on: August 24, 2009, 03:09:30 PM »
What do Prince Charles, Barman and a gorilla have in common?

Prince Charles is the Heir Apparent.

BM man has no hair apparent.

A gorilla has a hairy parent.
I used to have a handle on life but it broke.

Offline Barman

  • Administrator
  • Needs to get out more...
  • *****
  • Posts: 151938
  • Reputation: -50
  • Since 1960...
    • Virtual Pub!
Re: Best Joke at the Edinburgh Fringe
« Reply #22 on: August 24, 2009, 03:15:19 PM »
What do Prince Charles, Barman and a gorilla have in common?

Prince Charles is the Heir Apparent.

BM man has no hair apparent.

A gorilla has a hairy parent.
rubschin:
Pro Skub  Thumbs:

Offline Pastis

  • Power Poster
  • *****
  • Posts: 14474
  • Reputation: 0
  • a continuing precarious position
Re: Best Joke at the Edinburgh Fringe
« Reply #23 on: August 24, 2009, 07:20:19 PM »
If I'd not been werkin', like, I'd have explained the bit about the pebble to you Unc.  ;)

See also:

Bamboo, statuettes of Buddha, pics of clouds and sea etc.

Ironically, in my view there's nothing wrong with any of these things, but Brand Management at hotels are pretty much clueless  ::)
Like the Buddhist said to the hot dog vendor...
"Make me one with everything"

Offline Nick

  • Needs to get out more...
  • ******
  • Posts: 108138
  • Reputation: -115
Re: Best Joke at the Edinburgh Fringe
« Reply #24 on: August 25, 2009, 08:37:45 AM »
I liked the one about the Spa Hotel

Me too  ;D
Warning: May contain Skub
Cat sitter extraordinaire
Semi-professional crocodile

Offline Uncle Mort

  • Power Poster
  • *****
  • Posts: 21217
  • Reputation: 2
Re: Best Joke at the Edinburgh Fringe
« Reply #25 on: August 25, 2009, 08:45:15 AM »
 noooo:

Offline Darwins Selection

  • Power Poster
  • *****
  • Posts: 39138
  • Reputation: 6
  • I mostly despair
Re: Best Joke at the Edinburgh Fringe
« Reply #26 on: August 25, 2009, 04:46:57 PM »
1st-5
2nd-2
3rd-4
I mostly despair

Offline Barman

  • Administrator
  • Needs to get out more...
  • *****
  • Posts: 151938
  • Reputation: -50
  • Since 1960...
    • Virtual Pub!
Re: Best Joke at the Edinburgh Fringe
« Reply #27 on: August 25, 2009, 06:18:01 PM »
1st-5
2nd-2
3rd-4

**cough** and my joke...?  whistle:
Pro Skub  Thumbs:

Offline Darwins Selection

  • Power Poster
  • *****
  • Posts: 39138
  • Reputation: 6
  • I mostly despair
Re: Best Joke at the Edinburgh Fringe
« Reply #28 on: August 25, 2009, 07:47:56 PM »
1st-5
2nd-2
3rd-4

**cough** and my joke...?  whistle:

Oh yes, bravo, how could I forget to commend it.
I mostly despair

Offline Barman

  • Administrator
  • Needs to get out more...
  • *****
  • Posts: 151938
  • Reputation: -50
  • Since 1960...
    • Virtual Pub!
Re: Best Joke at the Edinburgh Fringe
« Reply #29 on: August 26, 2009, 03:38:08 AM »
Pro Skub  Thumbs: