Your "most favourite" car owned

[Misunderstood]

All very well and good but I only wish more drivers would use the bloody things! 

Optional extra on all BMWs.

Nonsense!  In extended trials, BMW have discovered that the additional weight penalty of the indicators and associated wiring and stuff account for the loss of 0.000000013 BHP across their range, with the greatest loss being experienced by the 3 series, causing the decision to cease handicapping their cars with all the equipment which robs them of so much power and speed.  On older models (still in service with impoverished wannabe notable drivers) a circular issued by BMW warning of the disadvantages of using the gear proved effective enough to render the systems obsolete.  No real BMW driver would now be seen flashing indicators as it is uncool.

The transformation to the indicator-free high performance BMW range was given a boost by the research results from the M3 arm that proved beyond doubt that the lapse of concentration caused by thinking about and deciding to use indicators reduced the overall performance of ace BMW drivers by the average speed by 1.03 MPH overall.  The performance gain from dispensing from indicators meant nobody else could keep up with BMW's average speeds therefore making them completely unecessary as no other vehicles or drivers will ever be close enough to notice the lack of signalling.

Unfortunately to account for the research and development of the indicator-free range of vehicles it has proved necessary to increase the price of these advanced cars by a flat ?3000 across the range, 'It was a price well worth paying' declared the BMW Owners Club  'Perhaps we can think of more innovative methods of improving the appeal of these cars, rear lighting springs to mind as completely usless to the cars performance as well as the high penalty of the horn, a device fitted that only calls your mates out of their houses is quite an extravagance...

[Snoopy]

Foolish cat ~ the whole point is that BMW drivers don't use their indicators simply to balance the environmental effects of Volvo drivers who travel hundreds of miles along motorways with their indicators flashing away for no purpose whatsoever. I thought everyone knew that 

[GROWLER]

Owner of this obviously did a bit too much Big Willy Waving.


http://www.boreme.com/boreme/funny-2005/someone-upset-p1.php



Seen this done to a pub landlordess who banned some prick out of her boozer.
Came back, smashed the windows of her new Astra, and chucked a couple of gallons of creosote inside.
Better keep that posh car of yours locked up BM, what with that dodgy beer of yours like.

[Snoopy]

Tsk! That is not necessary but the perpetrators will not see it as a crime "'Cos the insurance pays innit?"

[Barman]

Owner of this obviously did a bit too much Big Willy Waving.


http://www.boreme.com/boreme/funny-2005/someone-upset-p1.php



Seen this done to a pub landlordess who banned some prick out of her boozer.
Came back, smashed the windows of her new Astra, and chucked a couple of gallons of creosote inside.
Better keep that posh car of yours locked up BM, what with that dodgy beer of yours like.

Many, many years ago a girlfriend?s neighbour poured paint stripper on my car ?because we were too noisy?. 

[Marley's Ghost (Imbiber of Spirits)]

All very well and good but I only wish more drivers would use the bloody things! 

Optional extra on all BMWs.

Nonsense!  In extended trials, BMW have discovered that the additional weight penalty of the indicators and associated wiring and stuff account for the loss of 0.000000013 BHP across their range, with the greatest loss being experienced by the 3 series, causing the decision to cease handicapping their cars with all the equipment which robs them of so much power and speed.  On older models (still in service with impoverished wannabe notable drivers) a circular issued by BMW warning of the disadvantages of using the gear proved effective enough to render the systems obsolete.  No real BMW driver would now be seen flashing indicators as it is uncool.

The transformation to the indicator-free high performance BMW range was given a boost by the research results from the M3 arm that proved beyond doubt that the lapse of concentration caused by thinking about and deciding to use indicators reduced the overall performance of ace BMW drivers by the average speed by 1.03 MPH overall.  The performance gain from dispensing from indicators meant nobody else could keep up with BMW's average speeds therefore making them completely unecessary as no other vehicles or drivers will ever be close enough to notice the lack of signalling.

Unfortunately to account for the research and development of the indicator-free range of vehicles it has proved necessary to increase the price of these advanced cars by a flat ?3000 across the range, 'It was a price well worth paying' declared the BMW Owners Club  'Perhaps we can think of more innovative methods of improving the appeal of these cars, rear lighting springs to mind as completely usless to the cars performance as well as the high penalty of the horn, a device fitted that only calls your mates out of their houses is quite an extravagance...

Is that in addition to the ?2000 charged for the special document in the owners 'wallet' in the glove box giving permission to ignore speed limits and other road laws, as well as giving sole rights to the outside lane on motorways?

I'm given to understand that Mercs provide a similar service so maybe it's standard issue on German motors?

[Misunderstood]

All very well and good but I only wish more drivers would use the bloody things! 

Optional extra on all BMWs.

Nonsense!  In extended trials, BMW have discovered that the additional weight penalty of the indicators and associated wiring and stuff account for the loss of 0.000000013 BHP across their range, with the greatest loss being experienced by the 3 series, causing the decision to cease handicapping their cars with all the equipment which robs them of so much power and speed.  On older models (still in service with impoverished wannabe notable drivers) a circular issued by BMW warning of the disadvantages of using the gear proved effective enough to render the systems obsolete.  No real BMW driver would now be seen flashing indicators as it is uncool.

The transformation to the indicator-free high performance BMW range was given a boost by the research results from the M3 arm that proved beyond doubt that the lapse of concentration caused by thinking about and deciding to use indicators reduced the overall performance of ace BMW drivers by the average speed by 1.03 MPH overall.  The performance gain from dispensing from indicators meant nobody else could keep up with BMW's average speeds therefore making them completely unecessary as no other vehicles or drivers will ever be close enough to notice the lack of signalling.

Unfortunately to account for the research and development of the indicator-free range of vehicles it has proved necessary to increase the price of these advanced cars by a flat ?3000 across the range, 'It was a price well worth paying' declared the BMW Owners Club  'Perhaps we can think of more innovative methods of improving the appeal of these cars, rear lighting springs to mind as completely usless to the cars performance as well as the high penalty of the horn, a device fitted that only calls your mates out of their houses is quite an extravagance...

Is that in addition to the ?2000 charged for the special document in the owners 'wallet' in the glove box giving permission to ignore speed limits and other road laws, as well as giving sole rights to the outside lane on motorways?

I'm given to understand that Mercs provide a similar service so maybe it's standard issue on German motors?

That's the jobbie!  It's a little known fact that you can get a ?7,000 discount if you buy your BMW wholesale - that is - supplied without the key fob.   

[GROWLER]

Don't talk to me about bastard key fobs.

Shitroen want to charge me 20 snotters to 'tune my key' (spare) into the ECU because I haven't got some poxy plastic card with an ID number on it, cus the previous owner can't (be arsed to) find it....or the original spare either.

What's the 20 quid for?
For Shitroen to fax the number to the main stealer.

[Misunderstood]

Must be the trade rate - they told me it would be ?80.

Thinking back to the XM,  All the relays fitted to the car had unique resistors fitted and had to be recognised by the ECU before they would work.

I found this out when a relay failed and the (many) replacements would not work.

I had to have a unique one 'manufactured' and Fedex'ed  from Paris  for ?65  VOR 6 days  Ordinary relay ?4.   

I wasn't supposed to know what was unique about it but I always carried a few spares afterwards.   

[The Moan Ranger]

Back on topic, my favourite car was a racing Mini 7 that I won for a quid by buying a raffle ticket in a pub. VBH pulled my ticket out at the "Mini festival" at Silverstone in 1999. The car was - allegedly - worth twenty grand. I raced it once (all paid for by the Mini owners club) at Silverstone in Octiber 1999 - finished 18th out of 32 starters and sold it a year later for five grand. Not quite the amount I was expecting...

Still, nought to sixty in about five seconds is pretty good in a Mini and the corner speeds make my Gixxer look pedestrian. Flat in fourth under Bridge, take the right hander still flat in fourth on two wheels. Utterly brilliant.

Not bad for a quid.

[Nick]

VBH

Que?

[Marley's Ghost (Imbiber of Spirits)]

Back on topic, my favourite car was a racing Mini 7 that I won for a quid by buying a raffle ticket in a pub. VBH pulled my ticket out at the "Mini festival" at Silverstone in 1999. The car was - allegedly - worth twenty grand. I raced it once (all paid for by the Mini owners club) at Silverstone in Octiber 1999 - finished 18th out of 32 starters and sold it a year later for five grand. Not quite the amount I was expecting...

Still, nought to sixty in about five seconds is pretty good in a Mini and the corner speeds make my Gixxer look pedestrian. Flat in fourth under Bridge, take the right hander still flat in fourth on two wheels. Utterly brilliant.

Not bad for a quid.

VBH?

VBH?

Ahhh, light dawns, Vicky Butler-Iwould-Henderson!

You can see her here

[The Moan Ranger]

I was on holiday in Kos with the ex at the time - the first I knew of it was when me bruv phoned me up and said "Bruv, you've won a car" I assumed he was pissed again, but no, he wasn't. I then received a phone call from someone at the "Mini magazine" asking for an interview when I returned fron holiday.

It was all a bit surreal.although I finished 18th, they still insisted I stood on the podium at Silverstone with the top three, cameras clicking everywhere. Most embarrassing.

PS my engine was, apparenty about 15 bhp down on the better cars, so that is my excuse for my lowly position :-)

[Barman]

Ahhh, light dawns, Vicky Butler-Iwould-Henderson!

We all would... 

[Nick]

Not me.

Not my type.

Now, Miss Netball Kit 2007