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Author Topic: Apey's Helpful Advice to Brides thread  (Read 6289 times)

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Offline Nick

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Apey's Helpful Advice to Brides thread
« on: February 22, 2017, 02:12:06 PM »
I will start you off:

Quote
Dear Bride

If you are, koff, a larger lady we recommend that you should appoint bridesmaids who look like heffalumps to make your wedding photos more flattering.
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Offline Barman

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Re: Apey's Helpful Advice to Brides thread
« Reply #1 on: February 22, 2017, 02:13:48 PM »
Quote
Dear Brides.

Under no circumstances offer a free buffet or anything else free at your wedding.

You just can't trust the staff here...
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Offline Barman

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Re: Apey's Helpful Advice to Brides thread
« Reply #2 on: February 22, 2017, 02:15:51 PM »
Quote
Dear Brides,

You may think a beach wedding is romantic...

But all the laydees in high heels will sink in the sand, break their ankles or burn their feet when they remove their ridiculously unsuitable shoes...
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Offline Nick

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Re: Apey's Helpful Advice to Brides thread
« Reply #3 on: February 22, 2017, 02:18:06 PM »
If there are kiddies at your wedding, including your own, you may wish to take advantage of our kiddy entertainer complete with clown car and two clowns. Your guests will howl.
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Offline apc2010

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Re: Apey's Helpful Advice to Brides thread
« Reply #4 on: February 22, 2017, 02:25:16 PM »
Quote from: Barman on February 22, 2017, 02:13:48 PM
Quote
Dear Brides.

Under no circumstances offer a free buffet or anything else free at your wedding.

You just can't trust the staff here...


 evil:
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Offline Nick

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Re: Apey's Helpful Advice to Brides thread
« Reply #5 on: February 22, 2017, 03:27:33 PM »
Are you Geordie or Glaswegian?

We can supply a boxing ring where your guests can safely smash each other to bits in a semi-safe environment. (Please check your medical insurance cover)
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Offline Nick

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Re: Apey's Helpful Advice to Brides thread
« Reply #6 on: February 22, 2017, 03:38:45 PM »
Ladies

Do you need expert advice on your pre wedding party night? Our resident vodka and collapso specialist can guide you (during the early part of the evening) to some of the finest local bars and clubs.

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Offline Darwins Selection

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Re: Apey's Helpful Advice to Brides thread
« Reply #7 on: February 22, 2017, 04:19:08 PM »
Quote from: Nick on February 22, 2017, 02:12:06 PM
I will start you off:

Quote
Dear Bride

If you are, koff, a larger lady we recommend that you should appoint bridesmaids who look like heffalumps to make your wedding photos more flattering.

Why have you been looking at wedding advice websites?

Is there something we should be told?

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Offline Nick

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Re: Apey's Helpful Advice to Brides thread
« Reply #8 on: February 22, 2017, 04:20:03 PM »
 evil:
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Offline Steve

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Re: Apey's Helpful Advice to Brides thread
« Reply #9 on: February 22, 2017, 04:25:28 PM »
happy001 5 all the above
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Offline Barman

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Re: Apey's Helpful Advice to Brides thread
« Reply #10 on: February 22, 2017, 04:28:05 PM »
Quote from: Darwins Selection on February 22, 2017, 04:19:08 PM
Quote from: Nick on February 22, 2017, 02:12:06 PM
I will start you off:

Quote
Dear Bride

If you are, koff, a larger lady we recommend that you should appoint bridesmaids who look like heffalumps to make your wedding photos more flattering.

Why have you been looking at wedding advice websites?

Is there something we should be told?



A babby!  cloud9:
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Offline Steve

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Re: Apey's Helpful Advice to Brides thread
« Reply #11 on: February 22, 2017, 04:29:02 PM »
Quote
Dear Bride

If your prospective husband owns a quadcopter beware the dodgy things he will do with your vacuum cleaner and gearbox oil
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Offline Barman

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Re: Apey's Helpful Advice to Brides thread
« Reply #12 on: February 22, 2017, 04:29:36 PM »
Quote from: Steve on February 22, 2017, 04:29:02 PM
Quote
Dear Bride

If your prospective husband owns a quadcopter beware the dodgy things he will do with your vacuum cleaner and gearbox oil

 evil:
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Offline Steve

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Re: Apey's Helpful Advice to Brides thread
« Reply #13 on: February 22, 2017, 04:33:28 PM »
Quote
Dear Indian Bride

Never accept turnip futures as a dowry
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Offline Steve

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Re: Apey's Helpful Advice to Brides thread
« Reply #14 on: February 22, 2017, 04:35:26 PM »
Quote
Dear porker Bride

Best send picture of yourself at Ironing Board
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