I Sent him another. He wants me to do a series, like....
Like a friendly elephant
The Interim Manager is a lonely breed. We roam the savannas of FE like friendly elephants. We arrive to no induction and we leave without a tearful leaving do. Some of us do unpopular things and disappear before anyone realises we are to blame. We also spend too much time in hotels and questionable restaurants in places we would never voluntarily visit. It is not glamorous.
We compare notes with others via e mail and vie for which of us is in the ghastliest Travel Lodge that week. We borrow the hotel iron and ironing board and our best friend is Ms SatNav as we generally have no clue where we are. We are expendable and itinerant. It can be great fun.
I am presently on a mission in The North. No names, but a lovely cheery bunch of staff and a great team. We shall spend a few weeks together and then I shall vanish in a puff of exhaust smoke. So it goes.
I have been alternating between the Travel Lodge and the Premier Inn for three weeks but their corporate uniformity palls after a while. It is simultaneously predictable and disorienting. I find that writing the name of the town I am in on a piece of paper and leaving it by my bed helps me when I wake in the morning, otherwise I get confused. One could be anywhere.
In the last week of term I decided to branch out and go ethnic by booking into a local hotel run by local people. I struck unlucky.
Seduced by the hotel’s description of itself I booked for two nights. When I arrived the reception was shut. I wandered the deserted building (also a bar and restaurant) until I happened upon a member of staff. Her sweater announced, “Santa, I can explain…..” She was running the bar, restaurant and hotel by herself.
She managed to check me in and directed me to my room which was in an annexe resembling an old folks’ home. My room (slightly dishevelled and with a stained carpet) reminded me of CSI. I half expected people in rubber gloves to turn up and take photos. The windows were open and the heating off. It was -3 outside. And inside too.
The four page menu (“All food cooked to order”) was dubious. The food was adequate if you like home cooking and came from a bad home. On the second night I noticed a Specials board and ordered from that. Dinner was about 12 quid both nights. Arriving at my table I found a flier announcing a special offer of weekday main meals for just £5. I queried this with the waiter (who I later found was the manager). He read it, said, “I dunno what that is about,” and threw it in a bin.
Breakfast the next day was odd. Nothing doing. Suddenly the chef appeared and asked if anyone had a cigarette lighter. I obliged. He retired to the kitchen. There was a tiny click, a loud BOOM and some cheering. He returned with my lighter and without his earlier eyebrows. Breakfast was somewhat haphazard.
I returned to CSI and found (the radiator had jammed full on turning the room into a sauna so I had opened a window) an immense black and white cat in my bed. It looked comfy, so I left it alone.
I went to check out (and pay) but Reception was still shut, so I left my key and an apologetic note. It took two days to pay and when I did speak to them they explained that Reception was always shut at checkout time as they were busy with breakfast then.
Will I stay there again? Yes! It is entertaining in a way that the Travel Lodge will never achieve. And you know, the customer service in the college is much superior to that in the private sector. Most colleges lack gigantic cats and people in “Santa, I can explain…” jumpers. Ignore those who say colleges should be more like the private sector. They haven’t ever worked as an interim.
