As long as there have been words, humans have been using those words to make other humans feel bad (probably). So it’s little wonder that the world has a lot of names to call people by. Now either something has been lost in the translation for these ones or there are some weird buggers out there.
1. Chinese: “Ni muqin shi yi ge da wugui!”
… or, “Your mother is a big turtle.” Because turtles aren’t monogamous, get it? Zing!
2. Spanish: “Me cago en la leche!”
… “I sh*t in the milk.” Imagine a pitcher of milk in the middle of the breakfast table. Now imagine a Spaniard defecating in it. Yes.
3. Russian: “Perhot’ podzalupnaya”
… you, sir, are “ass dandruff.” For which there is no shampoo, oh no.
4. Finnish: “Äitisi nai poroja!”
… “Your mother married a reindeer!” File under “yo mamma.”
5. Yiddish: “Lign in drerd un bakn beygl!”
… “May you lie in the ground and bake bagels.” If that sounds like a rather pleasant way to spend eternity, consider this: those are bagels you will never get to eat.
6. German: “Schattenparker”
… “One who parks in the shade.” Because you’d have to be a total wimp to take precautions against the sun turning your vehicle into an unbearable radiating hell box, am I right?
7. Jamaican: “Bumbaclot”
… literally, “ass wipe.” So how does the word manage to sound so darn cute?
8. Albanian: “Të qifsha të bardhët e syve!”
… “F*ck your eye whites.” It’s the specificity you have to appreciate here.
9. Turkish: “Sana girsin keman yayi!”
… “May the bow of a violin enter your anus.” Not a concert we’d wish to attend.
10. Persian: “Mee goozam rangesh kon!”
… “Try to paint my fart,” or less literally, “f*ck off.” Unless, of course, you’re up for the challenge.
11. Japanese: “Hesomagari”
… “Twisted belly button,” which means — obviously — that you are one sick puppy.
12. Gaelic: “Go n-ithe an cat thu, is go n-ithe an diabhal an cat!”
… “May the cat eat you, and may the devil then eat the cat.” It’s not clear why the cat has to get involved here.
13. Dutch: “Volgescheten palingvel”
… “Eel skin full of sh*t.” Wait, eels have skin?
14. Romanian: “Sufla-ţi-aş cu curul in lingură cand te arde ciorba la gura!”
… “I can blow farts in your spoon when the soup is too hot for you.” Um, thanks?
15. Italian: “Caccati in mano e prenditi a schiaffi!”
… “Take a dump in your hand and then slap yourself.” This requires quite some commitment from the insultee.
16. Hindi: “Chipkali ke gaand ke pasine”
… “Sweat of a lizard’s ass.” And there you were, happily living your life, without once having thought of either a lizard’s sweat or its ass.
17. Afrikaans: “Ek wens jou vingers verander in vishoeke, en jou balle begin te jeuk!”
… “I hope your fingers change into fishing hooks, and you get an itch in your balls.” Think about it.
18. Bulgarian: “Grozna si kato salata.”
… “You are as ugly as salad.” And salad is very ugly indeed.
19. Australian: “May your ears turn into arseholes and sh*t on your shoulders!”
… Never let it be said that English isn’t vulgar. Thanks, Australia, for an image that needs no translation.
