Post by: The Moan Ranger on May 12, 2009, 10:00:13 AM
The first kingdom was quite rich, and sent an army of 25 knights, each with three squires. The night before the battle, the knights jousted and cavorted as their squires polished armor, cooked food, and sharpened weapons.
The second kingdom was not so wealthy, and sent only 10 knights, each with 2 squires. The night before the battle, the knights cavorted and sharpened their weapons as the squires polished armor and prepared dinner.
The third kingdom was very poor, and only sent one elderly knght with his sole squire. The night before the battle, the knight sharpened his weapon, while the squire, using a looped rope, slung a pot high over the fire to cook while he prepared the knight's armor.
The next day, the battle began. All the knights of the first two kingdoms had cavorted a bit too much (one should never cavort while sharpening weapons and jousting) and could not fight. The squire of the third kingdom could not rouse the elderly knight in time for combat.
So, in the absence of the knights, the squires fought.
The battle raged well into the late hours, but when the dust finally settled, a solitary figure limped from the carnage. The lone squire from the third kingdom dragged himself away, beaten, bloodied, but victorious.
And it just goes to prove, the squire of the high pot and noose is equal to the sum of the squires of the other two sides.
Post by: Snoopy on May 12, 2009, 10:04:14 AM
Post by: Barman on May 12, 2009, 10:05:17 AM
Post by: The Moan Ranger on May 12, 2009, 10:06:48 AM
Bastardo! You owe me a keyboard! lol: lol: lol: lol: lol: lol: lol: lol:
Sorry Snoops. ;D
I have a selection of keyboards, ( whistle:), what colour?
Post by: Miss Demeanour on May 12, 2009, 10:07:06 AM
But while we're doing bad whistle:
There was this guy and he had a girlfriend called Lorraine who was very pretty and he liked her a lot.
One day he went to work to find that a new girl had started. Her name was Clearly and she was absolutely gorgeous. He became quite besotted with her and after a while it became obvious that she was interested in him too.
But this guy was a loyal man and he wouldn't get involved with Clearly while he was still going out with Lorraine.
He decided that there was nothing for it but to break up with her and get it on with the new girl.
He planned several times to tell Lorraine but he couldn't bring himself to do it. One day they went for a walk along the river bank when Lorraine slipped and fell in to the river. The current carried her off and she drowned.
The guy stopped for a moment by the river and then ran off smiling and singing: "I can see Clearly now Lorraine has gone"
Post by: Barman on May 13, 2009, 03:47:58 PM
Post by: Miss Demeanour on May 15, 2009, 12:19:58 PM
Since everyone liked to buy flowers from the men of God, a rival florist across town thought the competition was unfair. He asked the good fathers to close down, but they would not. He went back and begged the friars to close. They ignored him. So, the rival florist hired Hugh MacTaggart, the roughest and most vicious thug in town to persuade them to close.
Hugh beat up the friars and trashed their store, saying he'd be back if they didn't close up shop. Terrified, they did so, thereby proving that Hugh, and only Hugh, can prevent florist friars.
Post by: Barman on May 15, 2009, 12:23:51 PM
Post by: Miss Demeanour on May 15, 2009, 12:24:41 PM
and there's more...
Larry Lobster and Sam Clam were great friends even though Larry was an upstanding, righteous, law abiding lobster and Sam was a bad clam. One day both are killed in a horrible accident; naturally Larry goes to heaven and Sam to hell.
Upon arriving in heaven and after getting suited up, Larry is told by St Peter that because he was such a good lobster, he could for one day have anything he wanted. Larry thinks about it and answers that he misses his friend Sam and would like to see him again. "Whatever", says Pete and next thing Larry knows he's in hell standing outside of Sam Clam's Disco.
The two spend the day together, then Larry goes back to heaven. At the gate Pete says, "Larry, didn't you forget something?" Larry goes, "Oh my gosh, I left my harp in Sam Clam's Disco.
Post by: Miss Demeanour on May 15, 2009, 12:28:11 PM
A frog goes into a bank and approaches the teller. He can see from her nameplate that her name is Patricia Black and says, "Miss Black, I'd like to get a £100,000 loan to take a vacation."
Patty looks at the frog in disbelief and asks his name. The frog says his name is Kermit Jagger, his dad is Mick Jagger, and that it's okay, he knows the bank manager.
Patty explains that he will need to secure the loan with some collateral.
The frog says, "Sure. I have this", and produces a tiny porcelain elephant, about an inch tall, bright pink and perfectly formed.
Very confused, Patty explains that she'll have to consult with the bank manager and disappears into a back office.
She finds the manager and says "There's a frog called Kermit Jagger out there who claims to know you and wants to borrow £100,000 and he wants to use this as collateral."
She holds up the tiny pink elephant. "I mean, what in the world is this?"
The bank manager looks back at her and says, "It's a knick-knack, Patty Black. Give the frog a loan. His old man's a Rolling Stone".
Post by: Barman on May 15, 2009, 12:32:16 PM
May I remind you that this is the Comedy Room...?
Post by: Miss Demeanour on May 15, 2009, 12:41:49 PM
(https://www.virtual-pub.com/SMF/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fusers.telenet.be%2Fnathan%2Fposts%2Fdrawings%2Fdothebarman.jpg&hash=07b7ae4f04b83517740e7767cfd2c86b70f608de)
Post by: Barman on May 15, 2009, 12:47:09 PM
Post by: The Moan Ranger on May 15, 2009, 12:47:49 PM
Post by: Darwins Selection on May 15, 2009, 01:16:37 PM
Post by: Nick on May 15, 2009, 02:45:58 PM
Post by: Miss Demeanour on May 15, 2009, 02:49:55 PM
Post by: Barman on May 15, 2009, 03:13:34 PM
'We can't see each other any more,' she sobbed. 'Daddy says that crabs are the lowest class of crustacean, and no daughter of his is marrying someone who can only walk sideways.'
Declan was gutted and scuttled away to drink himself into a filthy state of aquatic oblivion. That night, the Great Lobster Ball was taking place and lobsters came from far and wide in the seas, but the lobster Princess refused to join in, choosing instead to sit by her father's side, inconsolable.
Suddenly, the doors burst open, and Declan the crab strode in. The lobsters stopped their dancing, the princess gasped and the King lobster rose from his throne as, slowly and painstakingly, Declan the crab made his way across the floor, walking forwards for all to see! Step by step he made his approach towards the throne, until he finally looked the King lobster in the eye. There was a deadly silence until, finally, Declan spoke...
'Fuck me, I'm pissed!'
Post by: Miss Demeanour on May 15, 2009, 03:18:15 PM
Post by: Darwins Selection on May 15, 2009, 06:11:54 PM
Post by: Just One More on May 16, 2009, 06:41:53 AM
He decides, after much deliberation, on the dish of the day, which is Squid. Gervais takes him to the aquarium to choose a squid, he spots one, which by strange coincidence has a small moustache just like his own.
So... Gervais takes the squid to the kitchen, puts it on the board and takes out his largest knife to kill it, he raises his hand and as he goes to kill it hears a very quiet "eeeek", he looks around... nothing, so he raises his arm, goes to kill it and again hears a quiet "eeeek" .. looking down he sees the squid and it again goes "eeek".
He then finds he can't bring himself to kill the squid. So he looks across the kitchen and sees Hans, the dishwasher. "Hans! Come over here and kill this squid for me so I can prepare a dish for the Mayor". Hans is bored with his dishwashing job and thinks to himself that if he can do this job properly he can make it as a chef, I really need to prove myself by doing a job properly. So he raises his arm, knife in hand and goes to kill the squid.
"Eeeek" he hears, strange he thinks... and looks around... nothing.. so he goes to kill the squid and again... a quiet "eeeek". He looks down and sees the squid and it again goes... "eeeek" . Hans is troubled.. he wants to prove himself but is obviously having troubles, he raises his arm again brings knife down and just before he does the squid quietly goes "eeeeek".
Hans realises that he doesn't have the heart to kill the squid and the Mayor misses out on his cordon bleu meal.
The Moral of this story?
For Hans that do dishes can be as soft as Gervais, with mild scream hairy lip squid...
Post by: Miss Demeanour on May 16, 2009, 06:45:46 AM
Post by: Miss Demeanour on May 19, 2009, 05:36:00 PM
They have Buddha Pests instead!!
A famous Viking explorer returned home from a voyage and found his name missing from the town register. His wife insisted on complaining to the local civic official who apologized profusely saying, "I must have taken Leif off my census."
A marine biologist developed a race of genetically engineered dolphins that could live forever if they were fed a steady diet of seagulls. One day his supply of the birds ran out, so he had to go out and trap some more. On the way back, he spied two lions asleep on the road. Afraid to wake them, he gingerly stepped over them. Immediately, he was arrested and charged with transporting gulls across sedate lions for immortal porpoises
Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath.
As this great man would pass, people would bow down in worship. One day a small boy asked his father how the Mahatma's legacy would read. His father smiled and spoke,
"A super callused fragile mystic especially with halitosis"
Post by: Barman on May 19, 2009, 05:42:49 PM
Post by: Miss Demeanour on May 19, 2009, 05:51:41 PM
There were two Catholic boys, Timothy Murphy and Antonio Secola, whose lives parallel each other in amazing ways. In the same year Timothy was born in Ireland, Antonio was born in Italy. Faithfully they attended parochial School from kindergarten through their senior year in high school. They took their vows to enter the priesthood early in college, and upon Graduation, became priests.
Their careers had come to amaze the world, but it was generally acknowledged that Antonio Secola was just a cut above Timothy Murphy in all respects. Their rise through the ranks of Bishop, Archbishop and finally Cardinal was swift to say the least, and the Catholic world knew that when the present Pope died, it would be one of the two who would become the Next Pope.
In time the Pope did die, and the College of Cardinals went to work.
In less time than anyone had expected, white smoke rose from the chimney and the world waited to see whom they had chosen. The world, Catholic, Protestant and secular, was surprised to learn that Timothy Murphy had been elected Pope!
Antonio Secola was beyond surprise. He was devastated, because even with all of Timothy's gifts, Antonio knew he was the better qualified. With gall that shocked the Cardinals, Antonio Secola asked for a private session with them in which he candidly asked, 'Why Timothy?'
After a long silence, an old Cardinal took pity on the bewildered man and rose to reply. 'We knew you were the better of the two, but we just could not bear the thought of the leader of the Roman Catholic Church being called ' Pope Secola'.
Post by: Barman on May 19, 2009, 06:01:44 PM
Post by: Nick on May 19, 2009, 06:02:12 PM
Post by: Miss Demeanour on May 19, 2009, 06:06:19 PM
No, twenty minutes. SHe only uses 2 fingers noooo:
Turn the webcam off Nick - it really isn't good for you lol:
Post by: grumpyoldsoldier on May 23, 2009, 02:45:07 PM
A 'friend of a friend' put him in touch with a nefarious dark-side underworld figure who went by the name of 'Artie..'
Artie then explained to the husband that his going price for snuffing out a spouse was £5,000..
The husband said he was willing to pay that amount, but that he wouldn't have any cash on hand until he could collect his wife's insurance money.
Artie insisted on being paid at least something up front, so the man opened his wallet, displaying the single £1 Coin that rested inside. Artie sighed, rolled his eyes, & reluctantly agreed to accept the £1 as down payment for the dirty deed.
A few days later, Artie followed the man's wife to the local Tesco Super Store. There, he surprised her in the produce department & proceeded to strangle her with his gloved hands & as the poor unsuspecting woman drew her last breath & slumped to the floor........
The manager of the produce department stumbled unexpectedly onto the murder scene. Unwilling to leave any living witnesses behind, ol' Artie had no choice but to strangle the produce manager as well.
However, unknown to Artie, the entire proceedings were captured by the hidden security cameras & observed by the store's security guard, who immediately called the police. Artie was caught & arrested before he could even leave the store..
Under intense questioning at the police station, Artie revealed the whole sordid plan, including his unusual financial arrangements with the hapless husband who was also quickly arrested.
The next day in the newspaper, the headline declared ...
(You're going to hate me for this ..... )
'ARTIE CHOKES 2 for £1.00 AT TESCO!'
Oh, quit groaning!
I don't write this stuff, I receive it from a warped friend and then send it on to you.
Post by: Snoopy on May 24, 2009, 05:50:50 AM
Post by: grumpyoldsoldier on May 24, 2009, 11:00:10 AM
Post by: The Moan Ranger on May 26, 2009, 08:38:51 AM
Paddy, not wanting to pass up this unique opportunity, obviously did not have any whips on hand, but in a flash of inspiration, he opens the window, snaps the antenna off his van and proceeds to whip Colleen until they both collapse in ecstasy.
About a week later, Colleen notices that the marks left by the whipping are starting to fester a bit so she goes to the doctor. The doctor takes one look at the wounds and asks, "Did you get these marks having sex?"
Colleen, a little embarrassed that she has slept with Paddy (let alone that she allowed the kinky boy to whip her) eventually admits that, yes, she did.
Nodding his head knowingly, the doctor exclaims, "I thought so, because in all my years as a doctor you've got the worst case of van aerial disease that I've ever seen".
Post by: Barman on May 28, 2009, 05:12:16 AM
Paddy and Colleen were making passionate love in Paddy's mini van when suddenly Colleen, being a bit on the kinky side, yells out "Oh big boy,whip me,whip me!"
Paddy, not wanting to pass up this unique opportunity, obviously did not have any whips on hand, but in a flash of inspiration, he opens the window, snaps the antenna off his van and proceeds to whip Colleen until they both collapse in ecstasy.
About a week later, Colleen notices that the marks left by the whipping are starting to fester a bit so she goes to the doctor. The doctor takes one look at the wounds and asks, "Did you get these marks having sex?"
Colleen, a little embarrassed that she has slept with Paddy (let alone that she allowed the kinky boy to whip her) eventually admits that, yes, she did.
Nodding his head knowingly, the doctor exclaims, "I thought so, because in all my years as a doctor you've got the worst case of van aerial disease that I've ever seen".
See also...
http://www.virtual-pub.com/SMF/index.php?topic=3156.msg115378#msg115378
whistle:
Post by: Snoopy on May 28, 2009, 05:49:27 AM
Post by: The Moan Ranger on June 01, 2009, 11:43:18 AM
Far far away in the tropical waters of the Caribbean , two prawns
were swimming around in the sea - one was called Justin and the
other called Christian.
The prawns were constantly being harassed and threatened by sharks
that inhabited the area.
Finally, one day, Justin said to Christian, "I'm fed up with being a
prawn; I wish I was a shark, and then I wouldn't have any worries
about being eaten."
A large, mysterious cod appeared and said, "Your wish is granted."
Lo and behold, Justin turned into a shark.
Horrified, Christian immediately swam away, afraid of being eaten by
his old mate.
Time passed (as it does) and Justin found life as a shark boring and
lonely.
All his old mates simply swam away whenever he came close to them.
Justin didn't realize that his new menacing appearance was the cause
of his sad plight.
While swimming alone one day, he saw the mysterious cod again and he
thought perhaps the mysterious fish could change him back into a prawn.
He approached the cod and begged to be changed back, and, lo and
behold, he found himself turned back into a prawn.
With tears of joy in his tiny little eyes, Justin swam back to his
friends and bought them all a cocktail.
(The punch line does not involve a prawn cocktail - it's much worse).
Looking around the gathering at the reef, he realized he couldn't
see his old pal.
"Where's Christian?" he asked.
"He's at home, still distraught that his best friend changed sides
to the enemy and became a shark," came the reply.
Eager to put things right again and end the mutual pain and torture,
he set off to Christian's abode.
As he opened the coral gate, memories came flooding back.
He banged on the door and shouted, "It's me, Justin, your old
friend, come out and see me again."
Christian replied, "No way man, you'll eat me.. You're now a shark,
the enemy, and I'll not be tricked into being your dinner."
Justin cried back, "No, I'm not. That was the old me. I've
changed.........."
>.
>
>.
>
>.
>
>..
>
>.
>
>.
>
>.
>
>.
>
>
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>
>
>
>"I've found Cod. I'm a Prawn again Christian!"
Post by: Snoopy on June 01, 2009, 11:45:53 AM
Post by: Darwins Selection on June 01, 2009, 11:52:10 AM
Have we had this one?
In future, I suggest that you assume the answer to this question is "Yes" and save your no doubt aching wrists.
Post by: The Moan Ranger on June 01, 2009, 11:54:28 AM
Have we had this one?
In future, I suggest that you assume the answer to this question is "Yes" and save your no doubt aching wrists.
My wrist isn't aching, the second sample isn't due until Wednesday ;)
Post by: Darwins Selection on June 01, 2009, 11:58:37 AM
Have we had this one?
In future, I suggest that you assume the answer to this question is "Yes" and save your no doubt aching wrists.
My wrist isn't aching, the second sample isn't due until Wednesday ;)
No doubt you will be "dictating" not typing for that anyway?
Post by: Snoopy on June 01, 2009, 11:59:31 AM
Have we had this one?
In future, I suggest that you assume the answer to this question is "Yes" and save your no doubt aching wrists.
My wrist isn't aching, the second sample isn't due until Wednesday ;)
Good God Man! ~ That's wimmin's work.
Post by: Miss Demeanour on June 01, 2009, 12:10:03 PM
Post by: Snoopy on June 01, 2009, 12:27:10 PM
We prefer to call them chores evil:
Whatever ~ they seem guaranteed to cause a sudden headache ::)
Post by: Just One More on September 21, 2009, 08:20:20 PM
wife with himself as the beneficiary, and then arranging to have her killed.
A 'friend of a friend' put him in touch with a nefarious dark-side underworld figure who went by the name of 'Artie.' Artie then explained to the husband that his going price for snuffing out a spouse was ?5,000. The husband said he was willing to pay that amount, but that he wouldn't have any
cash on hand until he could collect his wife's insurance money. Artie insisted on being paid at least something up front, so the man opened his wallet, displaying the single ?1 Coin that rested inside. Artie sighed, rolled his eyes, & reluctantly agreed to accept the ?1 as down payment for the dirty deed.
A few days later, Artie followed the man's wife to the local Tesco Super Store. There, he surprised her in the produce department & proceeded to strangle her with his gloved hands & as the poor unsuspecting woman drew her last breath & slumped to the floor........
The manager of the produce department stumbled unexpectedly onto the murder scene.. Unwilling to leave any living witnesses behind, ol' Artie had no choice but to strangle the produce manager as well.
However, unknown to Artie, the entire proceedings were captured by the hidden security cameras & observed by the store's security guard, who immediately called the police.. Artie was caught & arrested before he could even leave the store. Under intense questioning at the police station, Artie revealed the whole sordid plan, including his unusual financial arrangements with the hapless husband who was also quickly arrested.
The next day in the newspaper, the headline declared ..
*
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'ARTIE CHOKES 2 for ?1.00 AT TESCO!'
Post by: Barman on September 22, 2009, 03:25:07 AM
http://www.virtual-pub.com/SMF/index.php?topic=6116.0
whistle:
Post by: Just One More on September 22, 2009, 04:31:50 AM
Post by: Darwins Selection on September 22, 2009, 05:02:33 AM
redface: I haven't got time to read through all this shite
I have, but I forget most of it within the hour
Post by: Barman on September 22, 2009, 05:11:20 AM
redface: I haven't got time to read through all this shiteNor me... redface:
Post by: Just One More on March 15, 2010, 07:08:46 PM
'That's cool' said the blonde, 'What does the Entrance Exam consist of?'
'Just three questions' said St Peter.
'Which are?' asked the blonde.
'The first,' said St Peter, 'is, which two days of the week start with the letter 'T'? The second is How many seconds are there in a year? The third is What was the name of the swagman in Waltzing Matilda?'
'Now,' said St Peter, 'Go away and think about those questions and when I call upon you, I shall expect you to have those answers for me.'
So the blonde went away and gave those three questions some considerable thought (I expect you to do the same).
The following morning, St Peter called upon the blonde and asked if she had considered the questions, to which she replied, 'I have.'
'Well then,' said St Peter, 'Which two days of the week start with the letter T?'
The blonde said, 'Today and Tomorrow.'
St Peter pondered this answer for some time, and decided that indeed the answer can be applied to the question.
'Well then, could I have your answer to the second of the three questions?' St Peter went on, 'how many seconds in a year?'
The Blonde replied, 'Twelve!'
'Only twelve?' exclaimed St Peter, 'How did you arrive at that figure?'
'Easy,' said the blonde, 'there's the second of January, the second of February, right through to the second of December, giving a total of twelve seconds.'
St Peter looked at the blonde and said, 'I need some time to consider your answer before I can give you a decision.' And he walked away shaking his head.
A short time later, St Peter returned to the Blonde. 'I'll allow the answer to stand, but you need to get the third and final question absolutely correct to be allowed into Heaven. Now, can you tell me the answer to the name of the swagman in Waltzing Matilda?'
The blonde replied; 'Of the three questions, I found this the easiest to answer.'
'Really!' exclaimed St Peter, 'And what is the answer?'
'It's Andy.'
'Andy??'
'Yes, Andy,' said the blonde.
This totally floored St Peter, and he paced this way and that, deliberating the answer. Finally, he could not stand the suspense any longer, and turning to the blonde, asked 'How in God's name did you arrive at THAT answer?'
'Easy' said the blonde, 'Andy sat, Andy watched, Andy waited till his billy boiled.'
And the blonde entered heaven
Post by: Darwins Selection on March 15, 2010, 09:14:31 PM
Post by: Just One More on March 23, 2010, 08:06:57 PM
After years and years of torment, Onestone finally cracked and said,' If anyone calls me Onestone again I will kill them!'
The word got around and nobody called him that any more. Then one day a young woman named Blue Bird forgot and said, 'Good morning, Onestone.' He jumped up, grabbed her and took her deep into the forest where he made love to her all day and all night. He made love to her all the next day,
until Blue Bird died from exhaustion.
The word got around that Onestone meant what he promised he would do. Years went by and no one dared call him by his given name until a woman
named Yellow Bird returned to the village after being away. Yellow Bird, who was Blue Bird's cousin, was overjoyed when she saw Onestone. She hugged him and said, 'Good to see you, Onestone.'
Onestone grabbed her, took her deep into the forest, then he made love to her all day, made love to her all night, made love to her all the next day, made love to her all the next night, butYellow Bird wouldn't die!
Why ???
Everyone knows... You can't kill Two Birds with OneStone
Post by: Barman on March 24, 2010, 08:37:24 AM
I've just discovered that I can have sex at 50! cloud9:
It is great as I live at number 44 and it isn't far to walk home afters...
Hat >> Coat >> Slam
Post by: The Moan Ranger on March 29, 2010, 08:42:57 AM
A man is waiting for his wife to give birth. The doctor comes in and informs the dad that his son was born without torso, arms or legs. The son is just a head! But the dad loves his son and raises him as well as he can, with love and compassion.
After 21 years, the son is now old enough for his first drink. Dad takes him to the bar, tearfully tells the son he is proud of him and orders up the biggest, strongest drink for his boy. With all the bar patrons looking on curiously and the bartender shaking his head in disbelief, the boy takes his first sip of alcohol.
Swoooosh! Plop!! A torso pops out! The bar is dead silent; then bursts into whoops of joy. The father, shocked, begs his son to drink again. The patrons chant 'Take another drink!'
The bartender continues to shake his head in dismay. Swoooosh! Plip! Plop!! Two arms pop out.
The bar goes wild... The father, crying and wailing, begs his son to drink again. The patrons chant, 'Take another drink! Take another drink!!' The bartender ignores the whole affair and goes back to polishing glasses, shaking his head, clearly unimpressed by the amazing scenes.
By now the boy is getting tipsy, but with his new hands he reaches down, grabs his drink and guzzles the last of it. Plop! Plip!! Two legs pop out. The bar is in chaos.
The father falls to his knees and tearfully thanks God. The boy stands up on his new legs and stumbles to the left then staggers to the right through the front door, into the street, where a truck runs over him and kills him instantly The bar falls silent.
The father moans in grief. The bartender sighs and says,
'He should've quit while he was a head.
Post by: Nick on March 29, 2010, 08:46:54 AM
Post by: Just One More on March 30, 2010, 07:38:08 PM
He engages a prostitute and takes her up to a room. He's soon going at it as well as he can for a guy his age, but needing a little reassurance, he asks, How am I doing?
The prostitute replies, Well, old Timer, youre doing about three knots.
Three knots? he asks. Whats that supposed to mean?
She says, You're knot hard, youre knot in, and you're knot getting your money back.
Post by: Barman on March 31, 2010, 05:41:09 AM
The power of Alcohol:
A man is waiting for his wife to give birth. The doctor comes in and informs the dad that his son was born without torso, arms or legs. The son is just a head! But the dad loves his son and raises him as well as he can, with love and compassion.
After 21 years, the son is now old enough for his first drink. Dad takes him to the bar, tearfully tells the son he is proud of him and orders up the biggest, strongest drink for his boy. With all the bar patrons looking on curiously and the bartender shaking his head in disbelief, the boy takes his first sip of alcohol.
Swoooosh! Plop!! A torso pops out! The bar is dead silent; then bursts into whoops of joy. The father, shocked, begs his son to drink again. The patrons chant 'Take another drink!'
The bartender continues to shake his head in dismay. Swoooosh! Plip! Plop!! Two arms pop out.
The bar goes wild... The father, crying and wailing, begs his son to drink again. The patrons chant, 'Take another drink! Take another drink!!' The bartender ignores the whole affair and goes back to polishing glasses, shaking his head, clearly unimpressed by the amazing scenes.
By now the boy is getting tipsy, but with his new hands he reaches down, grabs his drink and guzzles the last of it. Plop! Plip!! Two legs pop out. The bar is in chaos.
The father falls to his knees and tearfully thanks God. The boy stands up on his new legs and stumbles to the left then staggers to the right through the front door, into the street, where a truck runs over him and kills him instantly The bar falls silent.
The father moans in grief. The bartender sighs and says,
'He should've quit while he was a head.
I thought it was going to be the one about the baby born without a torso...
At Christmas he opened his present and said "not another fucking hat!"
Hat coat door! Geddit? I used HAT again! lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Nick on April 02, 2010, 07:14:15 PM
Boy comes home and tells his parents he has just had sex for the first
time.
The proud Dad says 'I'll buy you a bike to celebrate, but you will have
to wait until next pay day"
The boy replies 'that's alright Dad, my arse is too sore to ride it anyway'
Had my first Gig as a stand up comedian at an old people's home last
night.
They didn't get any of my jokes but they still pissed themselves.
What is the medical term for the fatty tissue surrounding the clitoris?
The wife.
Essex girl in bed with her boyfriend says, 'How dare you call me a
slapper, get out of my bed right now and take your f****ing mates with
you'
I was at Tesco this afternoon, when a lady dropped dead in front of me,
I felt really sorry for her - she had just bought a Bag for Life.
Teacher says to little Tommy 'Why weren't you at school yesterday?'
Tommy says 'My grandfather got burnt' Teacher says 'Badly?' Little Tommy
says 'Yes, they don't f*ck about at the crematorium.'
A friend of mine says he is making love to twins, I said ' How can you
tell the difference?' He said ' Her brother has got a moustache".
A charity pantomime in aid of Paranoid Schizophrenics and Homosexuals
descended into chaos yesterday when somebody shouted 'He's behind you!'
The best for last:
Hubby has ' I love you' tattooed on his penis, and goes home to show his
wife, she says 'There you go again, trying to put words in my mouth'
Post by: apc2010 on April 02, 2010, 10:53:51 PM
I told him he's gonna be the laughing stock of the school....
Post by: Just One More on April 12, 2010, 07:29:58 PM
The widow, however, says that she always thought her husband looked his best in blue, and that she wants him in a blue suit. She gives the Blonde mortician a blank check and says, 'I don't care what it costs, but please have my husband in a blue suit for the viewing.'
The woman returns the next day for the wake. To her delight, she finds her husband dressed in a gorgeous blue suit with a subtle chalk stripe; the suit fits him perfectly. She says to the mortician, 'Whatever this cost, I'm very satisfied. You did an excellent job and I'm very grateful. How much did you spend?'
To her astonishment, the blonde mortician presents her with the blank check. 'There's no charge,' she says.
'No, really, I must compensate you for the cost of that exquisite blue suit!' she says.
'Honestly, ma'am,' the blonde says, 'it cost nothing. You see, a deceased gentleman of about your husband's size was brought in shortly after you left yesterday, and he was wearing an attractive blue suit. I asked his wife if she minded him going to his grave wearing a black suit instead, and she said it made no difference as long as he looked nice.'
'So I just switched the heads.'
Post by: Nick on April 13, 2010, 07:32:09 AM
Post by: Barman on April 13, 2010, 11:18:58 AM
A man who just died is delivered to a local mortuary wearing an expensive, expertly tailored black suit. The female blonde mortician asks the deceased's wife how she would like the body dressed. She points out that the man does look good in the black suit he is already wearing.
The widow, however, says that she always thought her husband looked his best in blue, and that she wants him in a blue suit. She gives the Blonde mortician a blank check and says, 'I don't care what it costs, but please have my husband in a blue suit for the viewing.'
The woman returns the next day for the wake. To her delight, she finds her husband dressed in a gorgeous blue suit with a subtle chalk stripe; the suit fits him perfectly. She says to the mortician, 'Whatever this cost, I'm very satisfied. You did an excellent job and I'm very grateful. How much did you spend?'
To her astonishment, the blonde mortician presents her with the blank check. 'There's no charge,' she says.
'No, really, I must compensate you for the cost of that exquisite blue suit!' she says.
'Honestly, ma'am,' the blonde says, 'it cost nothing. You see, a deceased gentleman of about your husband's size was brought in shortly after you left yesterday, and he was wearing an attractive blue suit. I asked his wife if she minded him going to his grave wearing a black suit instead, and she said it made no difference as long as he looked nice.'
'So I just switched the heads.'
(C) Dave Allen - 1973 lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Miss Demeanour on April 14, 2010, 09:23:43 AM
Audi
Post by: Barman on April 14, 2010, 10:08:06 AM
Post by: Just One More on May 31, 2010, 06:43:30 PM
The Fairy Godmother whips out her magic wand and says "Abracadabra! You're green."
The toad looks down and sees that he is green except for his tackle, which is still yellow. He says to the Fairy Godmother "Wait a minute; my meat & two veg are still yellow."
To this the Fairy Godmother said, "I don't do willies, go and see the Wizard Of Oz for that. The toad thanks her and hops off on his way.
There also happens to be a purple bear wandering around in the very same forest, must be one of them enchanted forests and he encounters the very same Fairy Godmother. He implores her; "Fairy Godmother, please make me brown like the other bears. None of the lady bears want to be seen with me on account of the hunters can spot me from a mile off." She being a nice Fairy Godmother, takes out her magic wand and says, "You're brown." The bear looks down and sees that he is, in fact, brown with the exception of the old twig and berries, they remain purple.
He says, "What about my wedding tackle, they're still purple!
She says, "I don't do genitals, you will have to see the Wizard of Oz for that."
To this the bear replies, "Well that's just dandy but how do I find the Wizard of Oz?"
The Fairy Godmother answers; "That's easy, just follow the yellow prick toad."
redface:
Post by: Barman on May 31, 2010, 06:45:56 PM
Post by: Snoopy on May 31, 2010, 06:47:20 PM
Post by: Miss Demeanour on June 03, 2010, 07:50:27 AM
?The landlord shouts, You?re Barred! (Bard)?
Post by: Snoopy on June 03, 2010, 08:07:45 AM
Post by: Darwins Selection on June 03, 2010, 08:27:08 AM
?Shakespeare walks into a pub?
?The landlord shouts, You?re Barred! (Bard)?
noooo: Rule #1. Never print the explanation (unless you wear a bucket)
A dusky ethnic minority walks into a hotel and says "Is there a bar in here?".
The receptionist says "Yes, f*** off "
Post by: Barman on June 03, 2010, 08:38:55 AM
?Shakespeare walks into a pub?
?The landlord shouts, You?re Barred! (Bard)?
noooo: Rule #1. Never print the explanation (unless you wear a bucket)
A dusky ethnic minority walks into a hotel and says "Is there a bar in here?".
The receptionist says "Yes, f*** off "
drumroll: lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Just One More on June 08, 2010, 09:33:26 PM
After a couple of songs, I started to feel better. I finished my coffee, and noticed that everybody was staring at me....
Then I suddenly remembered that I was listening to my iPod.
Post by: Barman on June 09, 2010, 06:01:49 AM
I was in the restaurant when I suddenly realised I desperately needed to fart. The music was really, really loud, so I timed my fart with the beat of the music.
After a couple of songs, I started to feel better. I finished my coffee, and noticed that everybody was staring at me....
Then I suddenly remembered that I was listening to my iPod.
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Miss Demeanour on June 14, 2010, 08:09:56 AM
As I walked in, almost awake, she turned to me and said softly," You've got to make love to me this very moment!"
My eyes lit up and I thought, "I am either still dreaming or this is going to be my lucky day!"
Not wanting to lose the moment, I embraced her and then gave it my all; right there on the kitchen, table.
Afterwards she said, "Thanks," and returned to the stove, her T-shirt still around her neck.
Happy, but a little puzzled, I asked, "What was that all about?"
She explained, "The egg timer's broken."
Post by: Darwins Selection on June 14, 2010, 08:18:27 AM
She was standing in the kitchen, preparing our usual soft-boiled eggs and toast for breakfast, wearing only the 'T' shirt that she normally slept in.
As I walked in, almost awake, she turned to me and said softly," You've got to make love to me this very moment!"
My eyes lit up and I thought, "I am either still dreaming or this is going to be my lucky day!"
Not wanting to lose the moment, I embraced her and then gave it my all; right there on the kitchen, table.
Afterwards she said, "Thanks," and returned to the stove, her T-shirt still around her neck.
Happy, but a little puzzled, I asked, "What was that all about?"
She explained, "The egg timer's broken."
lol: lol: lol:
I take it you prefer hard-boiled?
Post by: Snoopy on June 14, 2010, 08:24:22 AM
Post by: The Moan Ranger on June 14, 2010, 08:26:58 AM
She was standing in the kitchen, preparing our usual soft-boiled eggs and toast for breakfast, wearing only the 'T' shirt that she normally slept in.
As I walked in, almost awake, she turned to me and said softly," You've got to make love to me this very moment!"
My eyes lit up and I thought, "I am either still dreaming or this is going to be my lucky day!"
Not wanting to lose the moment, I embraced her and then gave it my all; right there on the kitchen, table.
Afterwards she said, "Thanks," and returned to the stove, her T-shirt still around her neck.
Happy, but a little puzzled, I asked, "What was that all about?"
She explained, "The egg timer's broken."
See also http://www.virtual-pub.com/SMF/index.php?topic=2869.0 whistle:
Post by: Darwins Selection on June 14, 2010, 08:31:08 AM
She was standing in the kitchen, preparing our usual soft-boiled eggs and toast for breakfast, wearing only the 'T' shirt that she normally slept in.
As I walked in, almost awake, she turned to me and said softly," You've got to make love to me this very moment!"
My eyes lit up and I thought, "I am either still dreaming or this is going to be my lucky day!"
Not wanting to lose the moment, I embraced her and then gave it my all; right there on the kitchen, table.
Afterwards she said, "Thanks," and returned to the stove, her T-shirt still around her neck.
Happy, but a little puzzled, I asked, "What was that all about?"
She explained, "The egg timer's broken."
See also http://www.virtual-pub.com/SMF/index.php?topic=2869.0 whistle:
All hail the son of Affs. worthy:
Post by: Snoopy on June 14, 2010, 08:33:50 AM
She was standing in the kitchen, preparing our usual soft-boiled eggs and toast for breakfast, wearing only the 'T' shirt that she normally slept in.
As I walked in, almost awake, she turned to me and said softly," You've got to make love to me this very moment!"
My eyes lit up and I thought, "I am either still dreaming or this is going to be my lucky day!"
Not wanting to lose the moment, I embraced her and then gave it my all; right there on the kitchen, table.
Afterwards she said, "Thanks," and returned to the stove, her T-shirt still around her neck.
Happy, but a little puzzled, I asked, "What was that all about?"
She explained, "The egg timer's broken."
See also http://www.virtual-pub.com/SMF/index.php?topic=2869.0 whistle:
Like I said
Either that or she has the attention span of a goldfish. whistle:
Post by: Miss Demeanour on June 14, 2010, 09:24:50 AM
Post by: Darwins Selection on June 14, 2010, 09:29:54 AM
So hang me for not reading or remembering everything that has been posted on here...or flush me down the toilet whichever is easier
We always found a drop of whisky in the tank perked them up. Not malt obviously.
Post by: Tipsy Gipsy on July 12, 2010, 08:18:08 PM
Post by: Barman on July 13, 2010, 04:35:04 AM
Post by: apc2010 on July 13, 2010, 01:10:08 PM
Little Jimmy was admitted to hospital with 6 toy horses lodged in his bottom. Doctors have described that he has the trots but his condition is stable.
Serves him right for foaling around ....
Post by: Barman on July 13, 2010, 01:21:31 PM
Little Jimmy was admitted to hospital with 6 toy horses lodged in his bottom. Doctors have described that he has the trots but his condition is stable.
Serves him right for foaling around ....
doh:
Post by: Tipsy Gipsy on July 13, 2010, 10:07:44 PM
Post by: GROWLER on July 13, 2010, 10:10:55 PM
She said she'd take half and leave me.
Gave her a fiver and sent her packin'. cloud9:
Post by: Barman on July 14, 2010, 12:36:25 AM
I asked Mrs G tonight what she would do if I won the lottery.
She said she'd take half and leave me.
Gave her a fiver and sent her packin'. cloud9:
happy001
Post by: Darwins Selection on July 14, 2010, 09:25:10 PM
I asked Mrs G tonight what she would do if I won the lottery.
She said she'd take half and leave me.
Gave her a fiver and sent her packin'. cloud9:
drumroll:
lol: lol:
Post by: The Moan Ranger on July 15, 2010, 09:07:41 AM
The tattooist says: "Surely a Land Rover would be better to get you out of the s***".
Post by: Nick on July 15, 2010, 11:58:08 AM
Post by: Snoopy on July 15, 2010, 12:00:38 PM
Post by: Barman on July 15, 2010, 12:14:04 PM
I tried to tell Raoul MOat about gun safety, but it just went in one ear and out the other. noooo:
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Nick on July 15, 2010, 12:25:30 PM
Post by: Barman on July 15, 2010, 12:42:50 PM
My solicitor told me that redface:
That joke cost you about twenty-five quid then! point:
Post by: Uncle Mort on July 15, 2010, 01:43:01 PM
My solicitor told me that redface:
That joke cost you about twenty-five quid then! point:
plus VAT ;)
Post by: Barman on July 15, 2010, 01:48:56 PM
My solicitor told me that redface:
That joke cost you about twenty-five quid then! point:
plus VAT ;)
At the new rate! lol: lol: lol:
Post by: GROWLER on July 15, 2010, 05:09:16 PM
Post by: Nick on July 15, 2010, 05:16:08 PM
Post by: Barman on July 15, 2010, 07:41:40 PM
...and if he finds out you've published it in 'ere, he'll see you in court.
happy001
Post by: Miss Demeanour on July 20, 2010, 12:32:41 PM
“ My god “, he exclaims, “ that is the cleanest vagina I have ever seen “
“ Thank you “ replies she, “ I have a woman in twice a week ”
Post by: apc2010 on July 20, 2010, 02:39:50 PM
Post by: Barman on July 21, 2010, 06:48:02 AM
Lesbian goes to the doctor for a smear test.
“ My god “, he exclaims, “ that is the cleanest vagina I have ever seen “
“ Thank you “ replies she, “ I have a woman in twice a week ”
drumroll: lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Miss Demeanour on July 23, 2010, 01:53:35 PM
Shop assistant gerl kindly says " I don't think it's in yet love"
" Yeah that's the one " he replies
Post by: Nick on July 23, 2010, 01:55:33 PM
Post by: Miss Demeanour on July 24, 2010, 08:59:40 PM
As soon as I got him home though he made a bolt for the door
Post by: Barman on July 24, 2010, 09:34:04 PM
Just bought a dog from one of the few remaining blacksmiths in the area.
As soon as I got him home though he made a bolt for the door
drumroll: lol: lol: lol:
Post by: The Moan Ranger on July 25, 2010, 08:43:25 AM
Post by: Barman on July 25, 2010, 08:58:09 AM
I had a German plumber round yesterday - he connected the gas to the shower head. Old habits die hard, eh...
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Just One More on July 30, 2010, 05:57:20 AM
the cow is when he gets here, OK?'
So then the farmer leaves for the fields.
After a while, the artificial insemination man arrives and knocks on the front door. She takes him down to the barn. They walk along the row of cows and when she sees the nail, she tells him, 'This is the one...right here.' Terribly impressed by what he seemed to think just might be another dizzy
blonde, the man asks, 'Tell me lady, how did you know this is the cow to be bred?'
That's simple. By the nail over its stall', she explains very confidently
Then the man asks, 'What's the nail for?'
She turns and walks away, and with complete confidence, says, 'I guess it's to hang your trousers on.'
Post by: Snoopy on July 30, 2010, 05:59:52 AM
Post by: Barman on July 30, 2010, 06:00:12 AM
Post by: Darwins Selection on July 30, 2010, 08:03:19 AM
A blonde city girl, marries a dairy farmer. One morning, on his way out to check on the cows, farmer John says to her, 'The insemination man is coming over to impregnate one of our cows today. I drove a nail into the 4" x 2" just above the cow's stall in the barn. You show him where
the cow is when he gets here, OK?'
So then the farmer leaves for the fields.
After a while, the artificial insemination man arrives and knocks on the front door. She takes him down to the barn. They walk along the row of cows and when she sees the nail, she tells him, 'This is the one...right here.' Terribly impressed by what he seemed to think just might be another dizzy
blonde, the man asks, 'Tell me lady, how did you know this is the cow to be bred?'
That's simple. By the nail over its stall', she explains very confidently
Then the man asks, 'What's the nail for?'
She turns and walks away, and with complete confidence, says, 'I guess it's to hang your trousers on.'
lol: lol: lol:
(c) Chippenham College Of Agriculture rag magazine, 1964
Post by: Darwins Selection on August 03, 2010, 01:27:36 PM
Quote
COWS
Is it just me, or does anyone else find it amazing that during the mad cow epidemic our government could track a
single cow, born in Bourne almost three years ago, right to the stall where she slept in the county of Lincolnshire?
And, they even tracked her calves to their stalls.
But they are unable to locate 125,000 illegal immigrants wandering around our country.
Maybe we should give each of them a cow.
Sometimes one of these e-mail 'funnies' strikes a chord.
Post by: Uncle Mort on August 03, 2010, 01:41:20 PM
QuoteCOWS
Is it just me, or does anyone else find it amazing that during the mad cow epidemic our government could track a
single cow, born in Bourne almost three years ago, right to the stall where she slept in the county of Lincolnshire?
And, they even tracked her calves to their stalls.
But they are unable to locate 125,000 illegal immigrants wandering around our country.
Maybe we should give each of them a cow.
Sometimes one of these e-mail 'funnies' strikes a chord.
Well, if we all had our ears tagged...
Post by: Just One More on August 07, 2010, 07:23:34 AM
Nelson says to him, 'Look, you've obviously got the wrong man', and shuts the door in his face.
The next day he hears a knock at the door again. When he opens it, the little Chinese man is back with a huge truck of brake pads. He thrusts his clipboard under Nelson's nose, yelling, 'You sign! You sign!' Mr Mandela is getting a bit hacked off by now, so he pushes the little Chinese man back, shouting: 'Look, go away! You've got the wrong man. I don't want them!' Then he slams the door in his face again.
The following day, Nelson is resting, and late in the afternoon, he hears a knock on the door again. On opening the door, there is the same little Chinese man thrusting a clipboard under his nose, shouting, 'You sign! You sign!' Behind him are TWO very large trucks full of car parts. This time Nelson loses his temper completely, he picks up the little Man by his shirt front and yells at him: 'Look, I don't want these! Do you understand? You must have the wrong name! Who do you want to give these to?'
The little Chinese man looks very puzzled, consults his clipboard, and says:
'You not Nissan Main Deala?'
Post by: Just One More on August 07, 2010, 07:32:52 AM
"Isn't it wonderful?" one gay says to the other. "All these unhappy babies .... and yet our baby is so happy. This just proves the superiority of gay love!"
The nurse says, "Oh sure, he's happy now, but just watch what happens when I pull the thermometer out of his arse!" redface:
Post by: Barman on August 07, 2010, 07:36:32 AM
Two gay men decide to have a baby. They mix their sperm together and have a surrogate mother artificially inseminated with it. When the baby is born, they rush to the hospital. A dozen babies are in the ward, eleven of whom are crying and screaming.Over in the corner, one baby is smiling serenely. A nurse comes by, and to the delight of the gay fathers, she points out the happy child as theirs.
"Isn't it wonderful?" one gay says to the other. "All these unhappy babies .... and yet our baby is so happy. This just proves the superiority of gay love!"
The nurse says, "Oh sure, he's happy now, but just watch what happens when I pull the thermometer out of his arse!" redface:
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Just One More on August 09, 2010, 06:11:49 PM
He replied, "She called Five Horses".
The man said, "That's an unusual name for your wife.
What does it mean?"
The Old Indian answered,
"It old Indian Name. It mean...
NAG, NAG, NAG, NAG, NAG!
Post by: Just One More on August 09, 2010, 07:00:54 PM
He went to a sex shop and explained his situation. The man there said, ‘Well, I don't know that I have anything that will keep her occupied for so
many weeks, except... "The Magic Penis!'
The Husband said, 'The what'?
The man repeated, The Magic Penis,' and pulled out what seemed like an ordinary dildo. The husband laughed, and said, 'It looks like a dildo!'
The man then pointed to the door and said, 'Magic Penis, the door!'
The penis rose out of its box, darted over to the door and started pounding away at the keyhole. The whole door shook wildly with vibrations, so much so, that a crack began to form down the middle. Then the man said, 'Magic Penis, return to your box!' and the penis stopped and returned to the box. The husband bought it and took it home to his wife.
After the husband had been gone a few days, The Wife remembered the Magic Penis. She undressed, opened the box and said 'Magic Penis, my crotch.' The penis shot to her crotch. It was absolutely incredible. After three mind shattering orgasms, she became very exhausted and decided
she'd had enough. She tried to pull it out, but it was stuck.
Her husband had neglected to tell her how to turn it off so she put her clothes on, got into her car and started for the nearest hospital. On the way, another incredibly intense orgasm made her swerve all over the road. A police officer saw this and immediately pulled her over. He asked her for her license, then asked how much she'd had to drink. Gasping and twitching, the woman said, 'I haven't had anything to drink officer. You see, I've got this Magic Penis thing stuck in my crotch and it won't stop screwing me.'
The officer looked at her for a few seconds, shook his head and replied, 'Yeah,, right,,,now I've heard them all Maam
Magic Penis,,,,,,,,, my arse...!'
Post by: The Moan Ranger on August 22, 2010, 10:23:47 AM
He radios for backup.
"What's the situation?"
"A big fat black dude is dancing on a car roof."
"You can't say that over the radio" replies the operator,
"You have to use the politically correct terminology"
"OK" he says "Zulu...Tango....Sierra"
Post by: Barman on August 22, 2010, 10:40:53 AM
Post by: GROWLER on August 23, 2010, 07:38:15 AM
The girl said, 'NO!'
And the guy lived happily ever after and rode motorcycles and went fishing and hunting and played golf a lot and drank beer and scotch and had tons of money in the bank and left the toilet seat up and passed wind whenever he wanted.
The end
Post by: Just One More on September 06, 2010, 05:04:15 PM
"Thats for when I'm on TV, when people see it, Reebok pay me". He takes off his trousers and she sees he has NIKE tatooed on his leg. "What's that for? she asks
"Same as Reebok, I get paid when people see it on TV" he says. As she drops to her knees she sees he has AIDS tatooed on his penis, "oh my god, don't tell me you've got aids" she screams
"No, calm down lady, if you suck on it a bit, it says ADIDAS
Post by: Barman on September 06, 2010, 05:09:45 PM
A tall muscular man walks into a bar and a lady recognises him as a famous rugby player. They start to talk, share a few drinks and eventualy go back to her place and start to kiss, soon she takes off his shirt. He's got REEBOK tatooed on his arm. "Whats that for?" she asks.
"Thats for when I'm on TV, when people see it, Reebok pay me". He takes off his trousers and she sees he has NIKE tatooed on his leg. "What's that for? she asks
"Same as Reebok, I get paid when people see it on TV" he says. As she drops to her knees she sees he has AIDS tatooed on his penis, "oh my god, don't tell me you've got aids" she screams
"No, calm down lady, if you suck on it a bit, it says ADIDAS
See also, nurses, Susan and Saskatchewan... lol:
Post by: Tipsy Gipsy on September 07, 2010, 07:21:20 PM
Ted died.
She married again, and she & Bob had 7 more children.
Bob was killed in a car accident, 12 years later.
Judy remarried again,
,.... and this time, she & John had 5 more children.
Judy finally died, after having 25 children.
Standing before her coffin, the preacher prayed for her.
He thanked the Lord for this very loving woman and said,
"Lord, they are finally together."
Ethel leaned over and quietly asked her best friend, Margaret:
"Do you think he means her first, second, or third husband?"
Margaret replied:....
]
]
]
]
]
]
]
]
]
]
]
]
"I think he means her legs, Ethel...."
Post by: Nick on September 07, 2010, 07:38:47 PM
Post by: Tipsy Gipsy on September 07, 2010, 07:42:11 PM
Post by: Snoopy on September 08, 2010, 07:00:16 AM
Post by: Just One More on September 10, 2010, 07:48:00 PM
'Ain't dat grand, !!' Murphy got excited by this, but just then the doctor spoke up and said, 'Hold on! We ain't finished yet, !'. The doctor then delivered a little girl. He said, 'Hey, Murph! You got you a daughter, !!!! She is a pretty lil ting, too....'
Murphy got kind of puzzled by this and then the doctor said, 'Hold on, we aint got done yet, !' The doctor then delivered another boy and said, Murph, you just had yourself another boy, !'
Murphy said to the doctor, 'Doc, what caused all of dem babies,?'
The doctor said, 'You never know Murph, it was probably something that happened during conception.'
Murphy said, 'Ah yeah, during conception.'
When Murph and his wife went home with their three children, he sat down with his wife and said, 'Mama, you remember dat night that we ran out of Vaseline and we had to use dat dere 3-in-1 Oil.'
She said, 'Yeah, I remember dat night...'
Murph said, 'I'll tell you, ......it's a f”” kin' good ting we didn't use WD-40
Post by: Pirate on September 10, 2010, 08:02:06 PM
or even Castrol 20W-50
Post by: Barman on September 11, 2010, 06:07:10 AM
Post by: Just One More on September 24, 2010, 09:51:43 PM
The pharmacist asked, "Why in the world do you need cyanide?"
The lady replied, "I need it to poison my husband."
The pharmacist's eyes got big and he explained, "Lord have mercy! I can't give you cyanide to kill your husband, that's against the law? I'll lose my licence! They'll throw both of us in jail! All kinds of bad things will happen. Absolutely not! You CANNOT have any cyanide!"
The lady reached into her purse and pulled out a picture of her husband in bed with the pharmacist's wife.
The pharmacist looked at the picture and replied, "You didn't tell me you had a prescription
Post by: Barman on September 25, 2010, 03:51:36 AM
Post by: Just One More on October 16, 2010, 06:33:44 AM
The year is 2222 and after accumulating enough frequent flier miles, Mike and Maureen land on Mars. They meet a Martian couple and are talking about all sorts of things. Mike asks if Mars has a stock market, if they have laptop computers, how they make money, etc. Finally, Maureen brings up the subject of sex. "Just how do you guys do it?" asks Maureen.
"Pretty much the way you do," responds the Martian. Discussion ensues and finally the couples decide to swap partners for the night and experience one another. Maureen and the male Martian go off to a bedroom where the Martian strips. He's got only a teeny, weenie cock - about half an inch long and just a quarter inch thick.
"I don't think this is going to work," says Maureen.
''Why?" he asks, "What's the matter?"
"Well," she replies, "It's just not long enough to reach me!"
"No problem," he says, and proceeds to slap his forehead with his palm. With each slap of his forehead, his cock grows until it's quite impressively long. "Well," she says, "That's quite impressive, but it looks like a long pencil, it's still pretty narrow...."
''No problem," he says, and starts pulling his ears. With each pull, his cock grows wider and wider until the entire measurement is extremely exciting to the woman. "Wow!" she exclaims, as they fell into bed and made mad, passionate love.
The next day the couples rejoin their normal partners and go their separate ways. As they walk along, Mike asks "Well, was it any good?"
"I hate to say it," says Maureen, "but it was damn good. How about you?"
"It was horrible," he replies. "All I got was a headache. She kept slapping my forehead and pulling my ears."
Post by: Barman on October 16, 2010, 06:40:06 AM
Post by: Just One More on October 16, 2010, 06:43:10 AM
She answered
'THE TEETH.'
Post by: Barman on October 16, 2010, 06:53:50 AM
Post by: Just One More on October 16, 2010, 07:46:05 AM
Post by: Barman on October 16, 2010, 07:47:08 AM
I knew all that slapping my forehead would cause damage redface:
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Snoopy on October 16, 2010, 08:49:26 AM
Nope ~ That doesn't work either redface:
Post by: Barman on October 16, 2010, 09:17:26 AM
doh: doh: doh: doh: doh: doh: doh: doh: doh: doh: doh: doh:
Nope ~ That doesn't work either redface:
Try pulling yer wars like... ;)
Post by: Snoopy on October 16, 2010, 09:18:54 AM
doh: doh: doh: doh: doh: doh: doh: doh: doh: doh: doh: doh:
Nope ~ That doesn't work either redface:
Try pulling yer wars like... ;)
Me wars? whacky115
Q W E R T Y ..... Ah I see what you did point:
Post by: Barman on October 16, 2010, 09:20:55 AM
doh: doh: doh: doh: doh: doh: doh: doh: doh: doh: doh: doh:
Nope ~ That doesn't work either redface:
Try pulling yer wars like... ;)
Me wars? whacky115
Q W E R T Y ..... Ah I see what you did point:
doh:
Post by: Snoopy on October 16, 2010, 09:22:07 AM
doh: doh: doh: doh: doh: doh: doh: doh: doh: doh: doh: doh:
Nope ~ That doesn't work either redface:
Try pulling yer wars like... ;)
Me wars? whacky115
Q W E R T Y ..... Ah I see what you did point:
doh:
I told you ..... it won't werk!
Post by: Barman on October 16, 2010, 09:22:32 AM
doh: doh: doh: doh: doh: doh: doh: doh: doh: doh: doh: doh:
Nope ~ That doesn't work either redface:
Try pulling yer wars like... ;)
Me wars? whacky115
Q W E R T Y ..... Ah I see what you did point:
doh:
I told you ..... it won't werk!
redface:
Post by: Snoopy on October 16, 2010, 09:24:05 AM
Didn't Eric Morecombe used the slap the back of his neck? rubschin:
Post by: Darwins Selection on October 16, 2010, 10:38:36 AM
Didn't Eric Morecombe used the slap the back of his neck? rubschin:
"used the slap"?
Explain that with keyboard layout. whistle:
Post by: Miss Demeanour on October 16, 2010, 10:46:51 AM
He maybe be germified but he is still as sharp as my axe whistle:
Post by: Snoopy on October 16, 2010, 11:50:16 AM
Didn't Eric Morecombe used the slap the back of his neck? rubschin:
"used the slap"?
Explain that with keyboard layout. whistle:
I cannot explain it with the keyboard layout ~ I can only say sorry but the phone rang as I typed, I answered it and pressed "send" on the keyboard without checking. Sorry I am not immortal, all seeing or actually a particularly good typist. redface:
Obviously it should have read "use to slap"
Ruination of a good quip Banghead
Spiked thigh cilice tightened by one notch in self punishment.
Post by: Just One More on October 18, 2010, 12:36:12 PM
Joe looks up at Mike from his death bed and says: "Mike, you've been my best friend for many years. If it's at all possible, I'll do this favour for you." Shortly after that, Joe passes on.
At midnight a couple of nights later, Mike is awakened from a sound sleep by a blinding flash of white light and a voice calling out to him, "Mike--Mike."
"Who is it?" Asks Mike sitting up sleepily. "Who is it?"
"Mike--it's me, Joe..."
"You're not Joe. Joe just died."
"I'm telling you, it's me, Joe." insists the voice.
"OK then Joe! Where are you?"
"In heaven", replies Joe. "I have some really good news and a little bad news."
"'Tell me the good news first," says Mike.
"The good news," Joe says, "is that there's football in heaven. Better yet, all of our old friends who died before us are here, too. Better than that, we're all young again. Better still, it's always spring time and it never rains or snows. And best of all, we can play football all we want, and we never get tired."
"'That's fantastic," says Mike. "It's beyond my wildest dreams! So what could possibly be the bad news?'"
"You're in the team for Saturday."
Post by: Barman on October 18, 2010, 12:37:41 PM
Post by: Snoopy on October 18, 2010, 12:45:20 PM
Post by: Pirate on October 18, 2010, 10:02:05 PM
Post by: Snoopy on October 19, 2010, 08:59:03 AM
Post by: Miss Demeanour on October 25, 2010, 06:59:14 PM
A licker cabinet
What do you call lesbians in a field full of vibrators ?
Squatters
Post by: Snoopy on October 25, 2010, 07:01:17 PM
Thank you .... Please leave your number with the stage manager in case we need to call you. ::)
Post by: Miss Demeanour on October 25, 2010, 07:01:55 PM
Jon and Edwards' Mum!
Post by: Snoopy on October 25, 2010, 07:03:26 PM
Post by: Barman on October 26, 2010, 03:51:15 AM
What do you call a woman with two c**ts?
Jon and Edwards' Mum!
;D
Post by: Tipsy Gipsy on October 27, 2010, 05:49:14 PM
Post by: Just One More on October 27, 2010, 10:56:52 PM
"Yes, sir!" answers Murphy.
The doctor goes fishing and returns the following day and asks: "So,Murphy, how was your day?"
Murphy told him that he took care of three patients. "The first one had a headache so he did, so I gave him Paracetamol."
"Bravo Murphy lad, and the second one?" asks the doctor.
"The second one had indigestion and I gave him Gaviscon, so I did sir" says Murphy.
"Bravo, bravo! You're good at this and what about the third one?" asks the doctor..
"Sir, I was sitting here and suddenly the door flies open and a young gorgeous woman bursts in so she does. Like a bolt outta the blue, she tears off her clothes, taking off everyting including her bra and her panties and lies down on the table, spreading her legs and shouts: 'HELP ME for the love of St Patrick! For five years I have not seen any man!'"
"Tunderin' lard Jesus Murphy, what did you do?" asks the doctor.
"I put drops in her eyes."
Post by: Barman on October 28, 2010, 04:57:37 AM
A doctor in Dublin wanted to get off work and go fishing, so he approached his assistant, "Murphy, I am going fishing tomorrow and don't want to close the clinic. I want you to take care of the clinic and take care of all me patients"..
"Yes, sir!" answers Murphy.
The doctor goes fishing and returns the following day and asks: "So,Murphy, how was your day?"
Murphy told him that he took care of three patients. "The first one had a headache so he did, so I gave him Paracetamol."
"Bravo Murphy lad, and the second one?" asks the doctor.
"The second one had indigestion and I gave him Gaviscon, so I did sir" says Murphy.
"Bravo, bravo! You're good at this and what about the third one?" asks the doctor..
"Sir, I was sitting here and suddenly the door flies open and a young gorgeous woman bursts in so she does. Like a bolt outta the blue, she tears off her clothes, taking off everyting including her bra and her panties and lies down on the table, spreading her legs and shouts: 'HELP ME for the love of St Patrick! For five years I have not seen any man!'"
"Tunderin' lard Jesus Murphy, what did you do?" asks the doctor.
"I put drops in her eyes."
Yes, they like that! eyes:
Oh, I see... redface:
Post by: Just One More on October 29, 2010, 09:10:30 AM
In a flash and puff of smoke, a little old woman appeared. She said, "I'm Mother Nature!"
"Do you know how long it took me to make those buttercups?"
"Just for doing what you have done, you won't have any butter for your popcorn for the rest of your life; better still, you won't have any butter for your toast for the rest of your life ... As a matter of fact, you'll never have any butter for anything the rest of your life!!!"
Then POOF! . . . she was gone!
After Tom recovered from the shock, he hollered for his friend, "Fred, where are you?"
Fred yells back, "I'm over here in the pussy willows."
Tom shouts back, 'DON'T SWING, Fred; FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, DON'T SWING!
Post by: Barman on October 29, 2010, 09:28:59 AM
Post by: The Moan Ranger on October 31, 2010, 09:06:48 AM
Post by: Just One More on November 06, 2010, 04:55:22 AM
"Well, whatcha gonna do about it?" He says, menacingly, as I burst into tears.
"Come on, Man," The biker says, "I didn't think you'd CRY. I can`t stand to see a man crying."
"This is the worst day of my life," I say "I'm a complete failure. I was late to a meeting and my boss fired me. When I went to the car park, I found my car had been stolen and I don't have any insurance. I left my wallet in the cab I took home. I found my old lady in bed with the gardener and then my dog bit me." So I came to this bar to work up the courage to put an end to it all, I buy a drink, I drop a capsule in and sit here watching the poison
dissolve. Then you, you arse-hole, show up and drink the whole thing!
But enough about me, how's your day going?"
Post by: Barman on November 06, 2010, 05:02:21 AM
Post by: Grumpmeister on November 23, 2010, 10:11:46 PM
redface:
Post by: Just One More on December 11, 2010, 03:04:19 PM
Post by: Barman on December 11, 2010, 03:06:47 PM
I had a series of accidents when I was in local amateur dramatics - I kept falling through the trapdoor - my doctor said it was just a stage I was going through...
drumroll:
Post by: Barman on December 12, 2010, 03:36:30 PM
Seen at Dick's place (http://dickpuddlecote.blogspot.com/) who saw it at Davy's Place (http://theuklibertarian.com/2010/12/11/how-government-works/) who saw it in Viz.
Post by: Miss Demeanour on December 13, 2010, 05:41:17 PM
The police say she probably saw her her killer coming
Post by: Barman on December 13, 2010, 06:09:31 PM
A woman's dead body has been discovered this morning with sperm in her eyes.
The police say she probably saw her her killer coming
[groan] noooo:
Post by: Snoopy on December 16, 2010, 11:29:07 AM
She asked for their 24 hour service and next day went back to collect the snaps.
"Sorry but they're not back yet" said the assistant
So Snow White went back the following day but it was the same story. This went on for a week until Snow White demanded to see the manager. She explained her complaint and demanded he do something.
The next day she returned to the shop where the manager told her that he had spoken to the laboratory they used to develop films and they had promised to look into the matter. Snow White got very annoyed at this and the manager tried to soothe her.
Finally he promised
...................................................
............................................................................
.................................................................................................
"Snow White we won't let you down. I personally guarantee that ........... .........................
........................................ Some day your prints will come".
Post by: Barman on December 16, 2010, 11:32:29 AM
Post by: Snoopy on December 16, 2010, 11:37:58 AM
Post by: Baldy on December 17, 2010, 06:42:22 AM
Well she is not actually my girlfriend yet.
Post by: Barman on December 17, 2010, 06:48:19 AM
My girlfriend thinks I am a stalker........
Well she is not actually my girlfriend yet.
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Just One More on January 08, 2011, 10:38:25 PM
I can barely walk, but whenever I fart the room smells lovely..
Post by: Darwins Selection on January 08, 2011, 10:41:16 PM
I got a new deodorant today. The instructions said: Remove cap and push up bottom.
I can barely walk, but whenever I fart the room smells lovely..
Ball or aerosol?
Post by: Pirate on January 09, 2011, 01:29:24 AM
Post by: Darwins Selection on January 09, 2011, 09:01:44 AM
The way I read it he means arsehole, not aerosol...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d6IBiR9m3vY (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d6IBiR9m3vY)
Post by: Barman on January 09, 2011, 09:52:29 AM
The way I read it he means arsehole, not aerosol...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d6IBiR9m3vY (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d6IBiR9m3vY)
;D
Post by: Barman on January 23, 2011, 09:06:01 AM
Jungle Book will be launched on 1st February 2011.
redface:
Post by: Miss Demeanour on January 23, 2011, 09:07:34 AM
Post by: Pirate on January 23, 2011, 10:00:33 AM
happy001 happy001
Post by: Just One More on March 24, 2011, 06:40:36 PM
He said that it was something that he would be much more comfortable discussing with a male chemist, but she assured him that she was completely professional and whatever it was that he needed to discuss, he could be confident that she would treat him with the highest level of professionalism.
The man agreed and said, "This is tough for me to discuss, but I have a permanent erection. It causes me lots of problems and severe embarrassment, and I was wondering what you could give me for it."
The Lady Chemist said, "Just a minute, I'll go and talk with my sister."
When she returned some minutes later, she said "We've discussed it at length, and the absolute best we can do is.........1/3 Ownership of the
Shop, a Company Car, and £1,500 a month plus Expenses!"
Post by: Just One More on March 25, 2011, 06:43:01 AM
A father put his three year old daughter to bed, told her a story and listened to her prayers which she ended by saying:
"God bless Mommy, God bless Daddy, God bless Grandma and good-bye Grandpa."
The father asked, "Why did you say good-bye grandpa?"
The little girl said, "I don't know daddy, it just seemed like the thing to do."
The next day grandpa died. The father thought it was a strange coincidence.
A few months later the father put the girl to bed and listened to her prayers which went like this:
"God bless Mommy,
God Bless Daddy
and good-bye Grandma."
The next day the grandmother died. Oh my gosh, thought the father, this kid is in contact with the other side.
Several weeks later when the girl was going to bed the dad heard her say:
"God bless Mommy and good-bye Daddy."
He practically went into shock. He couldn't sleep all night and got up at the crack! of dawn to go to his office. He was nervous as a cat all day, had lunch sent in and watched the clock. He figured if he could get by until midnight he would be okay. He felt safe in the office, so instead of going home at the end of the day he stayed there, drinking coffee, looking at his watch and jumping at every sound. Finally midnight arrived, he breathed a sigh of relief and went home.
When he got home his wife said "I've never seen you work so late, what's the matter?"
He said "I don't want to talk about it, I've just spent the worst day of my life."
She said "You think you had a bad day, you'll never believe what happened to me.
This morning the milkman dropped dead on our porch!!
Post by: Baldy on March 25, 2011, 07:08:22 AM
Post by: Barman on March 25, 2011, 07:22:12 AM
An old 'un I'd forgotten about
A father put his three year old daughter to bed, told her a story and listened to her prayers which she ended by saying:
"God bless Mommy, God bless Daddy, God bless Grandma and good-bye Grandpa."
The father asked, "Why did you say good-bye grandpa?"
The little girl said, "I don't know daddy, it just seemed like the thing to do."
The next day grandpa died. The father thought it was a strange coincidence.
A few months later the father put the girl to bed and listened to her prayers which went like this:
"God bless Mommy,
God Bless Daddy
and good-bye Grandma."
The next day the grandmother died. Oh my gosh, thought the father, this kid is in contact with the other side.
Several weeks later when the girl was going to bed the dad heard her say:
"God bless Mommy and good-bye Daddy."
He practically went into shock. He couldn't sleep all night and got up at the crack! of dawn to go to his office. He was nervous as a cat all day, had lunch sent in and watched the clock. He figured if he could get by until midnight he would be okay. He felt safe in the office, so instead of going home at the end of the day he stayed there, drinking coffee, looking at his watch and jumping at every sound. Finally midnight arrived, he breathed a sigh of relief and went home.
When he got home his wife said "I've never seen you work so late, what's the matter?"
He said "I don't want to talk about it, I've just spent the worst day of my life."
She said "You think you had a bad day, you'll never believe what happened to me.
This morning the milkman dropped dead on our porch!!
(C) Dave Allen 1977 ;)
Post by: Uncle Mort on March 25, 2011, 07:28:51 AM
Post by: Barman on March 25, 2011, 07:52:59 AM
and he probably stole it from Max Miller.
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Just One More on April 07, 2011, 07:25:02 PM
"I've got good news and bad news.....Bad news is you have had 2 pints of African blood and 2 pints of Pakistani blood"
John screams "What the f**K is the good news then?"
"Your prick's 4" longer and you are top of the housing list"
Post by: Pirate on April 07, 2011, 07:45:33 PM
John, a lifelong white racist living in the East End of London, is in a major car crash.When he comes round 3 days later in hospital the surgeon says:
"I've got good news and bad news.....Bad news is you have had 2 pints of African blood and 2 pints of Pakistani blood"
John screams "What the f**K is the good news then?"
"Your prick's 4" longer and you are top of the housing list"
happy001 happy001
Post by: Darwins Selection on April 07, 2011, 08:39:39 PM
John, a lifelong white racist living in the East End of London, is in a major car crash.When he comes round 3 days later in hospital the surgeon says:lol: lol: lol:
"I've got good news and bad news.....Bad news is you have had 2 pints of African blood and 2 pints of Pakistani blood"
John screams "What the f**K is the good news then?"
"Your prick's 4" longer and you are top of the housing list"
Post by: Just One More on April 17, 2011, 05:46:04 PM
"Yes."
"Oui."
"Sí."
"Ja."
redface:
Post by: Miss Demeanour on April 17, 2011, 05:47:11 PM
Post by: Barman on April 17, 2011, 05:48:43 PM
An Englishman, a Frenchman, a Spaniard and a German are all standing watching a street performer do some excellent juggling. The juggler notices that the four gentlemen have a very poor view, so he stands up on a large wooden box and calls out, "Can you all see me now?"
"Yes."
"Oui."
"Sí."
"Ja."
redface:
happy001
Took me a while... redface:
Post by: Miss Demeanour on April 17, 2011, 05:49:54 PM
Post by: Barman on April 17, 2011, 05:52:43 PM
Well known phenomena ...delayed collapso reaction whistle:
Collapso + brandy + beer... noooo:
Post by: Darwins Selection on April 17, 2011, 08:34:21 PM
An Englishman, a Frenchman, a Spaniard and a German are all standing watching a street performer do some excellent juggling. The juggler notices that the four gentlemen have a very poor view, so he stands up on a large wooden box and calls out, "Can you all see me now?"drumroll:
"Yes."
"Oui."
"Sí."
"Ja."
redface:
Post by: Tipsy Gipsy on April 17, 2011, 08:38:22 PM
Post by: Just One More on April 19, 2011, 08:17:02 PM
The clerk asks, "Are you Irish?"
The guy, clearly offended, says, "Yes I am. But let me ask you something.
“If I had asked for Italian sausage, would you ask me if I was Italian?
Or if I had asked for German Bratwurst, would you ask me if I was German?
Or if I asked for a kosher hot dog would you ask me if I was Jewish?
Or if I had asked for a Taco, would you ask if I was Mexican?
Or if I asked for Polish sausage, would you ask if I was Polish?"
The clerk says, "No, I probably wouldn't."
The guy says, "Well then, because I asked for Irish sausage, why did you ask me if I'm Irish?"
The clerk replied, "Because you're in Halfords."
Post by: Miss Demeanour on April 19, 2011, 08:18:34 PM
Post by: Nick on April 19, 2011, 08:24:15 PM
Post by: Baldy on April 19, 2011, 10:31:32 PM
Or Nick asking for meat in a florists rubschin:
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Just One More on May 09, 2011, 05:59:53 PM
Post by: Barman on May 09, 2011, 07:05:51 PM
DNA of Bin Laden has come back with a reading of 24% cocoa, 52% coconut, 18% sugar, and 6% milk. Experts say this is probably due to the bounty on his head. redface:
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: apc2010 on May 09, 2011, 10:59:51 PM
It was actually pretty good but the bill was fucking enormous............
Post by: Barman on May 10, 2011, 04:52:37 AM
Thought I'd try that new Indian Restaurant in town. I was feeling a little adventurous so I went for the Pelican curry....
It was actually pretty good but the bill was fucking enormous............
[groan] noooo:
Post by: miss Tchevious on May 26, 2011, 05:20:03 PM
The man takes the drunk out the door and to his car and he stumbles at least ten times. They drive along and the drunk points out his house to the man. He stops the car and the drunk stumbles up the steps to his house with the man.
The drunk's wife greets them at the door: "Why thank you for bringing him home for me, but where's his wheel chair?"
Post by: Barman on May 27, 2011, 05:28:01 AM
A man is in a bar and falling off his stool every couple of minutes. He is obviously drunk. So the bartender says to another man in the bar: "Why don't you be a good Samaritan and take him home."
The man takes the drunk out the door and to his car and he stumbles at least ten times. They drive along and the drunk points out his house to the man. He stops the car and the drunk stumbles up the steps to his house with the man.
The drunk's wife greets them at the door: "Why thank you for bringing him home for me, but where's his wheel chair?"
Oh noes! doh:
Post by: Nick on May 27, 2011, 08:29:11 AM
(https://www.virtual-pub.com/SMF/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fs3.postimage.org%2F95yq8e4k%2FAJOKE.jpg&hash=16623d0924c9e76319875bfb5eaf95e33bae9dae) (http://postimage.org/image/95yq8e4k/) angel1
Post by: Barman on May 27, 2011, 08:59:10 AM
(https://www.virtual-pub.com/SMF/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fs3.postimage.org%2F95yq8e4k%2FAJOKE.jpg&hash=16623d0924c9e76319875bfb5eaf95e33bae9dae) (http://postimage.org/image/95yq8e4k/) angel1
lol: lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Uncle Mort on May 27, 2011, 09:36:51 AM
(https://www.virtual-pub.com/SMF/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fs3.postimage.org%2F95yq8e4k%2FAJOKE.jpg&hash=16623d0924c9e76319875bfb5eaf95e33bae9dae) (http://postimage.org/image/95yq8e4k/) angel1
lol: lol: lol: lol:
<groan>
Post by: Snoopy on May 27, 2011, 10:08:20 AM
(https://www.virtual-pub.com/SMF/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fs3.postimage.org%2F95yq8e4k%2FAJOKE.jpg&hash=16623d0924c9e76319875bfb5eaf95e33bae9dae) (http://postimage.org/image/95yq8e4k/) angel1
I showed it to Minor ..... Instantly he said "That MUST be from Uncle Nick" lol:
Post by: Barman on May 27, 2011, 10:10:56 AM
(https://www.virtual-pub.com/SMF/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fs3.postimage.org%2F95yq8e4k%2FAJOKE.jpg&hash=16623d0924c9e76319875bfb5eaf95e33bae9dae) (http://postimage.org/image/95yq8e4k/) angel1
I showed it to Minor ..... Instantly he said "That MUST be from Uncle Nick" lol:
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Nick on May 27, 2011, 10:14:29 AM
Post by: Snoopy on May 27, 2011, 10:26:25 AM
rubschin:
He holds you in very high regard.
Post by: Miss Demeanour on May 27, 2011, 11:40:09 AM
Post by: Just One More on May 31, 2011, 04:50:11 PM
Post by: Pastis on May 31, 2011, 05:24:47 PM
A woman arrived at a party and she spotted an attractive man alone.She smiled and said, "Hello. My name is Carmen." "That's a beautiful name," he replied. "Is it a family name?""No," she replied. As a matter of fact I gave it to myself. It represents the things that I enjoy the most - cars and men. Therefore I chose "Carmen". "What's your name?" she asked.He answered "B.J. Titsengolf."
Andrew Dice Clay used to do a line like that ... "pulling dis chick and she complains she only likes country music, and she's Jewish ... eventually she asks me my name ... I says hi, I'm Bucky Goldstein ... "
Post by: Miss Demeanour on May 31, 2011, 06:24:54 PM
Post by: Nick on May 31, 2011, 06:28:52 PM
Post by: Barman on May 31, 2011, 07:30:40 PM
Post by: Uncle Mort on May 31, 2011, 07:40:20 PM
Post by: Just One More on May 31, 2011, 08:05:59 PM
My wife kept breaking the washing machine so I divorced her . It's right what they say, washing machines live longer with cow gone !!!
Miss D, I know this is the hat, coat door thread, but ... noooo:
Post by: Miss Demeanour on May 31, 2011, 08:07:19 PM
Post by: Just One More on May 31, 2011, 08:16:05 PM
Did you hear about the new social website for Muslim women? It’s called Book.
Post by: Miss Demeanour on May 31, 2011, 08:17:27 PM
Post by: Just One More on May 31, 2011, 08:18:19 PM
I've had enough of betting!
Yesterday, I bet on 3 horses, and they all got beat
Sunshine
Moonlight
Good Times
I blame it on the bookie
Post by: Miss Demeanour on May 31, 2011, 08:20:54 PM
Remember alcohol and calculus don't mix so don't drink and derive
Post by: Just One More on May 31, 2011, 08:23:12 PM
Post by: Miss Demeanour on June 02, 2011, 01:19:47 PM
The guy is now taking him to court for funfair dismissal
Post by: Nick on June 02, 2011, 01:21:10 PM
Post by: Miss Demeanour on June 02, 2011, 01:24:26 PM
Post by: Pirate on June 02, 2011, 06:34:38 PM
A guy had been working on the Dodgem Cars all his life when a new boss started. He sacked him in the 1st week.
The guy is now taking him to court for funfair dismissal
happy001 happy002
Post by: Nick on June 02, 2011, 06:38:24 PM
noooo:A guy had been working on the Dodgem Cars all his life when a new boss started. He sacked him in the 1st week.
The guy is now taking him to court for funfair dismissal
happy001 happy002
Post by: Miss Demeanour on June 02, 2011, 06:47:34 PM
Post by: Nick on June 02, 2011, 07:09:48 PM
Post by: Pirate on June 02, 2011, 10:07:28 PM
noooo:A guy had been working on the Dodgem Cars all his life when a new boss started. He sacked him in the 1st week.
The guy is now taking him to court for funfair dismissal
happy001 happy002
(https://www.virtual-pub.com/SMF/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.freesmileys.org%2Fsmileys%2Fsmiley-happy119.gif&hash=d5f236bb5e6a4507f86f2a5d94647c3df9139a81) (http://www.freesmileys.org/smileys.php)
I thought it was very funny...
Post by: Just One More on June 07, 2011, 07:40:33 PM
She replied, 'Aye, that ye did, Father.'
The Father asked, 'And be there any wee little ones yet?'
She replied, 'No, not yet, Father.'
The Father said, 'Well now, I'm going to Rome next week and I'll light a fertility candle for ye and yer hoosband.'
She replied, 'Oh, thank ye, Father...'
They then parted ways..
Some years later they met again. The Father asked, 'Well now, Mrs. Donovan, how are ye these days?'
She replied, 'Oh, very well, Father!'
The Father asked, 'And tell me , have ye any wee ones yet?'
She replied, 'Oh yes, Father! Two sets of twins and six singles, ten in all!'
The Father said, 'That's wonderful! How is yer loving hoosband doing?'
She replied, 'E's gone to Rome to blow out yer fookin' candle.'
Post by: Barman on June 07, 2011, 07:41:42 PM
Post by: Uncle Mort on June 08, 2011, 09:38:09 AM
"yes, you've got 20 20 vision"
Post by: Snoopy on June 08, 2011, 09:43:31 AM
Post by: Barman on June 08, 2011, 09:48:52 AM
Post by: Uncle Mort on June 09, 2011, 01:42:17 PM
Police stop a Pakistani in his transit van on the motorway. Policeman says "Do you know the limit is 70?". The driver leans into the back and says "hear that - 3 of you have got to get out".
4 Illegal immigrants suffocated in the back of a Tesco lorry last night. Every little helps.
Paddy & Mick stagger out of the zoo with blood pouring from them. "Bollocks to that", said Paddy, "That's the last time I go lion dancing"
63 Pakistanis died in Bradford this morning. It was not a terrorist attack, a bunk bed collapsed. The police are blaming AL IKEA .
Scientists have revealed today that they have found a new drug for depressed lesbians. It's called Trydixagain
Post by: Barman on June 09, 2011, 03:07:13 PM
Jonathan Ross has been accused of shoplifting a kitchen utensil from Tesco. Ross says it was a whisk he was prepared to take.
Police stop a Pakistani in his transit van on the motorway. Policeman says "Do you know the limit is 70?". The driver leans into the back and says "hear that - 3 of you have got to get out".
4 Illegal immigrants suffocated in the back of a Tesco lorry last night. Every little helps.
Paddy & Mick stagger out of the zoo with blood pouring from them. "Bollocks to that", said Paddy, "That's the last time I go lion dancing"
63 Pakistanis died in Bradford this morning. It was not a terrorist attack, a bunk bed collapsed. The police are blaming AL IKEA .
Scientists have revealed today that they have found a new drug for depressed lesbians. It's called Trydixagain
happy001
Post by: The Moan Ranger on June 16, 2011, 12:19:37 AM
It did look out of plaice. redface:
Post by: The Moan Ranger on June 16, 2011, 12:22:35 AM
You don't see many jokes about Bulimia these days. Makes me sick.
Post by: Miss Demeanour on June 16, 2011, 04:56:41 AM
I bought a cod fillet, and found a strangely-shaped bone in it.
It did look out of plaice. redface:
Be very ashamed noooo: noooo: noooo:
Post by: Just One More on June 20, 2011, 02:02:55 PM
I had to press 1 for the money, 2 for the show....
Alright, alright, I'm going redface:
Post by: Barman on June 20, 2011, 02:32:33 PM
I've just booked tickets for an Elvis tribute act, by a phone service
I had to press 1 for the money, 2 for the show....
Alright, alright, I'm going redface:
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Snoopy on June 20, 2011, 02:39:02 PM
I've just booked tickets for an Elvis tribute act, by a phone service
I had to press 1 for the money, 2 for the show....
Alright, alright, I'm going redface:
And so you should!
Post by: Miss Demeanour on June 20, 2011, 03:06:32 PM
I've just booked tickets for an Elvis tribute act, by a phone service
I had to press 1 for the money, 2 for the show....
Alright, alright, I'm going redface:
You can't spend too much time with JOM you say rubschin:
noooo: noooo: noooo:
Post by: The Moan Ranger on June 23, 2011, 04:06:16 PM
Post by: The Moan Ranger on June 23, 2011, 04:18:07 PM
"Pg Up". "Pg Dn"
;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D
Post by: Uncle Mort on June 23, 2011, 06:14:57 PM
(https://www.virtual-pub.com/SMF/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fs1.postimage.org%2F2v7a5zmf8%2Ftheo5.jpg&hash=cbdaaa4ce92940bb2ab7dc6eed8776538586cc8b) (http://postimage.org/image/2v7a5zmf8/)
Post by: Baldy on June 23, 2011, 06:18:29 PM
Post by: Barman on June 24, 2011, 04:35:59 AM
A 91 year old woman has taken up belly dancing. Which is unusual because 91 year old's normally prefer hip op.
[groan] noooo:
Post by: Just One More on June 24, 2011, 06:03:43 AM
Right now I am feeling canneloni .
Post by: Barman on June 24, 2011, 07:33:29 AM
Wife has left me . She says she can no longer cope with my fetish for caressing pasta .
Right now I am feeling canneloni .
drumroll:
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Darwins Selection on June 24, 2011, 12:18:16 PM
;D ;D ;D ;D
(https://www.virtual-pub.com/SMF/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fs1.postimage.org%2F2v7a5zmf8%2Ftheo5.jpg&hash=cbdaaa4ce92940bb2ab7dc6eed8776538586cc8b) (http://postimage.org/image/2v7a5zmf8/)
Post by: Barman on June 24, 2011, 02:18:11 PM
;D ;D ;D ;D
(https://www.virtual-pub.com/SMF/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fs1.postimage.org%2F2v7a5zmf8%2Ftheo5.jpg&hash=cbdaaa4ce92940bb2ab7dc6eed8776538586cc8b) (http://postimage.org/image/2v7a5zmf8/)
lol: lol: lol:
How old is he...? rubschin:
Post by: Snoopy on June 24, 2011, 03:30:40 PM
Post by: Miss Demeanour on June 24, 2011, 03:31:38 PM
Post by: Nick on June 24, 2011, 04:11:48 PM
Post by: Just One More on June 24, 2011, 05:54:25 PM
Now that's an accomplishment whistle:
lol:
Wheely ?
Post by: Nick on June 24, 2011, 05:58:17 PM
Post by: Just One More on June 24, 2011, 06:22:07 PM
Post by: Nick on June 26, 2011, 09:57:55 AM
The man gets up and goes to the door where a drunken stranger, standing in the pouring rain, is asking for a push.
"Not a chance," says the husband, "it is 3:00 in the morning!"
He slams the door and returns to bed.
"Who was that?" asked his wife..
"Just some drunk guy asking for a push," he answers.
"Did you help him?" she asks.
"No, I did not, it's 3am in the morning and it's pouring rain out there!"
"Well, you have a short memory," says his wife. "Can't you remember about three months ago when we broke down, and those two guys helped us?
I think you should help him, and you should be ashamed of yourself!
"God loves drunk people too you know."
The man gets dressed and goes out into the pounding rain.
He calls out into the dark, "Hello, are you still there?"
"Yes," comes back the answer.
"Do you still need a push?" calls out the husband.
"Yes, please!" comes the reply from the dark.
"Where are you?" asks the husband.
"Over here on the swing," replied the drunk
Post by: Barman on June 26, 2011, 10:15:05 AM
http://www.virtual-pub.com/SMF/index.php?topic=661.msg9841#msg9841 (http://www.virtual-pub.com/SMF/index.php?topic=661.msg9841#msg9841)
Post by: Nick on June 26, 2011, 10:40:25 AM
Post by: Barman on June 26, 2011, 10:50:04 AM
Shrugs:
point:
It was funnier when I posted it too! lol:
Post by: Just One More on June 26, 2011, 01:43:19 PM
An old train spotter once said that if he could choose how he died it would be to be killed by train. Last week a steam train hit him. He was chuffed to bits.
My parents are from Glasgow which means they’re incredibly hard, but I was never smacked as a child… well maybe one or two grams to get me to sleep at night.
Post by: apc2010 on June 26, 2011, 01:45:40 PM
One of my mates fulfilled a lifelong dream and became a mime artist. I haven't heard from him since.
An old train spotter once said that if he could choose how he died it would be to be killed by train. Last week a steam train hit him. He was chuffed to bits.
My parents are from Glasgow which means they’re incredibly hard, but I was never smacked as a child… well maybe one or two grams to get me to sleep at night.
;D ;D
Post by: Barman on June 26, 2011, 01:55:23 PM
One of my mates fulfilled a lifelong dream and became a mime artist. I haven't heard from him since.
An old train spotter once said that if he could choose how he died it would be to be killed by train. Last week a steam train hit him. He was chuffed to bits.
My parents are from Glasgow which means they’re incredibly hard, but I was never smacked as a child… well maybe one or two grams to get me to sleep at night.
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Grumpmeister on July 01, 2011, 03:18:35 PM
I tried to ignore it but the signs were all there.
Post by: Barman on July 01, 2011, 03:59:59 PM
My dad just got fired from his job as a lollipop man for stealing.
I tried to ignore it but the signs were all there.
tunble:
Post by: apc2010 on July 03, 2011, 12:51:24 AM
Well, more of a fromage phrase...........
Post by: Barman on July 03, 2011, 04:29:44 AM
I'm going to invent a saying about yoghurts.
Well, more of a fromage phrase...........
;D
Post by: Just One More on July 03, 2011, 06:02:11 AM
I'm going to invent a saying about yoghurts.
Well, more of a fromage phrase...........
cheesy noooo:
Post by: Barman on July 03, 2011, 06:13:45 AM
I'm going to invent a saying about yoghurts.
Well, more of a fromage phrase...........
cheesy noooo:
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Barman on July 03, 2011, 09:10:40 AM
He confronts him and says “Son, that’s 3 schools this year. You really want to stop before you’re banned from teaching altogether.”
drumroll:
Post by: Just One More on July 03, 2011, 09:16:27 PM
A man goes to see the doctor and says "doc I feel as lifeless as a Welsh resort in winter" the doc replies "goodness me it sounds like you're Rhyl"
The chemist was telling me today about a new industrial strength viagra tablet that will availabe soon . I asked if I would be able to get it over the counter . He said I will be able to break the feckin counter .
I broke the worrld record for holding my breath under water . It all started at the local swimming baths when a girl shouted 'That's him over there daddy' .
A man goes into the chemist and asks for Viagra.
"Have you got a presciption?" asked the pharmacist
"No, but I've got a photo of the wife, will that do?"
Paddy goes to take up boxing and goes for the required medical. A few days later the doctor phones.
"Paddy" he says "you've got sugar diabetes"
Paddy says "No problem, when do I fight him"
Post by: apc2010 on July 03, 2011, 11:15:40 PM
a simple gone to the shops would have done.........
Post by: Pirate on July 03, 2011, 11:20:09 PM
Went to see my black mate the other day .........when I arrived .spray painted all over the front of the house was "Niggers out "'''''''''
a simple gone to the shops would have done.........
happy002
noooo:
Post by: Barman on July 04, 2011, 04:19:06 AM
I thought this one was going to be: -
I had been holding off from telling my new girlfriend what I did for a living but after her persistent questioning, I gave in. "I make porn movies. I basically make films of me having sex and I sell them." I told her. She replied, "You know that turns me on. Is there any chance I can be in one of your movies?" I said,"One of them love? You've been in all of them!"
happy002
Post by: Just One More on July 09, 2011, 07:40:34 PM
Just been to a friends funeral this morning. He died last week at Wimbledon when he got struck in the head by a tennis ball......it was a lovely service.
How is Kerry Katona going to provide for her kids now that the NOTW has shut down ?
With the ever rising prices in alcohol, I've taken to drinking brake fluid. I told this to a mate, and he was concerned about my welfare.
I told him it was nothing to worry about, as I could stop whenever I wanted to.
Post by: Barman on July 09, 2011, 07:41:42 PM
Post by: apc2010 on July 10, 2011, 12:03:36 PM
Post by: Barman on July 10, 2011, 12:09:35 PM
I found a letter on my doorstep that had 'Do not bend' written on it and i thought how do i pick it up?
doh:
Post by: Pirate on July 12, 2011, 09:04:44 PM
I said 'Who do you think it was?'
Post by: Pirate on July 12, 2011, 09:43:32 PM
Post by: Barman on July 13, 2011, 03:31:52 AM
Post by: Miss Demeanour on July 15, 2011, 05:57:34 PM
"What are you doing ? " she asked.
" Narnia business" I replied
Post by: Barman on July 15, 2011, 06:16:28 PM
My flatmate found me rooting through the back of her wardrobe last night .
"What are you doing ? " she asked.
" Narnia business" I replied
tunble:
Post by: Just One More on July 17, 2011, 06:21:14 PM
He mentions that, at night, he had to give hand relief to his fellow inmates, before making them a chocolaty drink.
He's now reworking an old Wham hit.......wank me off before your cocoa
The other day I went to see a hypnotist, he put me to sleep and convinced me I was a metallic element with the atomic number 82. I'm easily lead.
Post by: Miss Creant Commander of the picklement and baking BAb(Hons) on July 17, 2011, 07:12:18 PM
Post by: Baldy on July 17, 2011, 07:15:09 PM
went to a bulimics disco yesterday.......the place was heaving
lol: lol: lol: or should that be sick2: sick2: sick2:?
Post by: Barman on July 18, 2011, 09:48:52 AM
George Michael's writing his memoirs at the mo, and there's an entire chapter on his time in prison.
He mentions that, at night, he had to give hand relief to his fellow inmates, before making them a chocolaty drink.
He's now reworking an old Wham hit.......wank me off before your cocoa
The other day I went to see a hypnotist, he put me to sleep and convinced me I was a metallic element with the atomic number 82. I'm easily lead.
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: apc2010 on July 18, 2011, 10:47:06 AM
I can drive a lorry!
Post by: Barman on July 18, 2011, 11:09:32 AM
Looked out my window this morning and saw a Paki get flattened by a lorry! I thought, that could have been me,...........
I can drive a lorry!
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: The Moan Ranger on July 18, 2011, 11:50:12 AM
I said, "Sure. Just swing by later and pick it up."
He said, "I'll just ask someone else, you racist c@nt."
Post by: The Moan Ranger on July 18, 2011, 11:59:49 AM
BBC News: Rioters throw petrol bomb in Northern Ireland.
Christ, they must be loaded! That's like throwing potatoes during the famine.
Post by: The Moan Ranger on July 18, 2011, 12:04:37 PM
So they get some numbers from the kit man and put them on. All the players get their numbers but the number 10 hasn’t got a 1. So he goes out with a zero on his back.
Anyway, he plays an absolute blinder for the next 45 minutes, scores 4 goals without reply and the earwigs win! But the earwig with the zero isn’t happy – he’s scored 4 goals, won the match for his team but none of the crowd are singing his name. But the manager tells him to listen carefully and the crowd are chanting…............
“Earwig O, Earwig O, Earwig O!”
Post by: The Moan Ranger on July 18, 2011, 12:08:26 PM
He stopped sanding down the door frame, turned to me and replied "This is the last time I'm going to tell you to FUCK OFF!"
Post by: Barman on July 18, 2011, 01:50:15 PM
Post by: The Moan Ranger on July 18, 2011, 01:55:55 PM
I like going into McDonalds and ordering an Egg McMuffin and a McChicken sandwich, just to see which one comes first.
Post by: Snoopy on July 18, 2011, 02:04:41 PM
I like going into McDonalds and ordering an Egg McMuffin and a McChicken sandwich, just to see which one comes first.
It'll be the one without glasses. redface:
(From a very old joke)
Post by: Just One More on July 18, 2011, 08:52:19 PM
I replied "hmmm, I've never checked, but probably a light brown!"
Post by: Baldy on July 19, 2011, 12:47:15 AM
My mate asked me "what ring tone do you have?"
I replied "hmmm, I've never checked, but probably a light brown!"
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Barman on July 19, 2011, 04:28:57 AM
My mate asked me "what ring tone do you have?"
I replied "hmmm, I've never checked, but probably a light brown!"
happy001
Post by: Just One More on July 20, 2011, 09:37:47 PM
I nearly shat her pants .
Essex lass has just had one of them home births . Midwife went round , gave her loadsa drugs . laid her down , and told her to spread her legs
Almost the same as what happened at the conception .
Post by: apc2010 on July 21, 2011, 09:05:48 PM
But now she's made a formal complaint I'm banned from the gym ...
Post by: Baldy on July 22, 2011, 12:10:49 AM
I found a hole in my trainer that's big enough to insert my finger.
But now she's made a formal complaint I'm banned from the gym ...
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Barman on July 22, 2011, 09:13:38 AM
My neighbour just confronted me and accused me of pinching things from her washing line .
I nearly shat her pants .
happy001
Post by: Barman on July 22, 2011, 09:14:13 AM
I found a hole in my trainer that's big enough to insert my finger.
But now she's made a formal complaint I'm banned from the gym ...
happy001
Post by: Just One More on July 31, 2011, 08:49:31 PM
"I haven't needed to?" I replied, "Your receptionist brought me a cup of tea and a sandwich earlier !!!
Post by: The Moan Ranger on August 04, 2011, 11:34:07 AM
Don't worry, I only suffered super fish oil injuries.
Post by: apc2010 on August 04, 2011, 11:44:05 AM
Someone just threw a bottle of Omega 3 pills at me.
Don't worry, I only suffered super fish oil injuries.
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Just One More on August 05, 2011, 08:30:50 PM
I still haven't ruled it out.
Post by: Barman on August 07, 2011, 08:33:36 AM
I'm thinking about making a career change and becoming a tennis umpire.
I still haven't ruled it out.
drumroll:
Post by: Miss Demeanour on August 07, 2011, 09:42:14 AM
It's called 'Halal, is it meat you're looking for'
Post by: Snoopy on August 07, 2011, 10:27:13 AM
Post by: Miss Demeanour on August 12, 2011, 05:06:47 AM
I do suffer from extremely premature ejaculation, come to think of it.
Post by: Nick on August 12, 2011, 07:33:54 AM
Post by: Just One More on August 14, 2011, 11:47:15 AM
My husband and my Vet don't see eye to eye. The vet calls my husband 'El-Cheap-O', and my husband calls the vet El-Charge-O'. They love to hate each other and constantly 'snipe' at one another, with my husband getting in the last word on this particular occasion.
The next day my husband had an appointment with his doctor, who is located in the same building, next door to the vet. The MD's waiting room was full of people waiting to see the doctor. A side door opened and the vet leaned in - he had obviously seen my husband arrive.. He looked straight at my husband and in a loud voice, said,
'Your wife's pussy doesn't stink any more. We washed and shaved it, and now she smells like a rose. Oh, and, by the way, I think she's pregnant. God only knows who the father is! Then he closed the door.
Now THAT, my friends, is getting EVEN.
A man owned a small farm in Ireland. The Irish Internal Revenue determined he was not paying proper wages to his staff and sent an investigator out to interview him.
"I need a list of your employees and how much you pay them!," demanded the investigator.
"Well," replied the farmer, "there's my farm hand who's been with me for three years. I pay him €200 a week plus free room and board.
"The cook has been here for 18 months, and I pay her €150 per week plus free room and board."
"Then there's the halfwit. He works about 18 hours every day and does about 90% of all the work around here. He makes about €10 a week. He pays his own room and board, and I buy him a bottle of whiskey every Saturday night. He also sleeps with my wife occasionally."
"That's the guy I want to talk to...the halfwit!" said the agent.
"That would be me," replied the farmer.
Those poor poor farmers ;)
Post by: Barman on August 15, 2011, 05:42:35 AM
Post by: Just One More on November 20, 2011, 06:05:23 PM
Post by: Barman on November 21, 2011, 10:53:49 AM
Had a pelican bhuna last night. It was delicious but the bill was massive.
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Just One More on December 05, 2011, 07:15:50 PM
Nowt wrong with slightly damaged TVs, I just bought a 50" Bang and Olufsen TV with a broken volume button for a tenner.
I couldn't turn it down
Post by: apc2010 on December 05, 2011, 07:17:32 PM
What a bargain!
Nowt wrong with slightly damaged TVs, I just bought a 50" Bang and Olufsen TV with a broken volume button for a tenner.
I couldn't turn it down
;D ;D
Post by: Barman on December 06, 2011, 05:34:06 AM
What a bargain!
Nowt wrong with slightly damaged TVs, I just bought a 50" Bang and Olufsen TV with a broken volume button for a tenner.
I couldn't turn it down
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Just One More on December 07, 2011, 09:07:36 PM
I saw an advert in the paper yesterday, "Yacht for sale" As if people don't know what a yacht's for.
Post by: Just One More on December 07, 2011, 09:09:07 PM
"Shomething is Amish here", he thought.
Post by: Darwins Selection on December 07, 2011, 09:56:01 PM
Sean Connery returns home to find all of his electrical equipment gone and his car replaced with a horse and trap.drumroll:
"Shomething is Amish here", he thought.
Post by: Barman on December 08, 2011, 05:21:54 AM
After becoming depressed me and my wife planned a joint suicide. However strangely once she had killed herself things started looking up.
I saw an advert in the paper yesterday, "Yacht for sale" As if people don't know what a yacht's for.
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: bodiam on December 08, 2011, 06:39:48 AM
After becoming depressed me and my wife planned a joint suicide. However strangely once she had killed herself things started looking up.happy001
Post by: Just One More on December 10, 2011, 01:07:42 PM
Post by: apc2010 on December 10, 2011, 01:24:34 PM
I've just lost the money for my wife's epilepsy prescription in the bookies. She'll have a fit when she finds out.
;D ;D
Post by: Barman on December 10, 2011, 03:15:39 PM
I've just lost the money for my wife's epilepsy prescription in the bookies. She'll have a fit when she finds out.
happy001
Post by: Just One More on December 27, 2011, 04:57:48 PM
In the morning, Johnny, William's little brother, gets up and has his breakfast. As he is going out of the door to go to school, he asks his mom if William and Larry are up yet.
She replies, 'No'.
Johnny asks, 'Do you know what I think?'
His mom replies, 'I don't want to hear what you think! Just go to school.'
Johnny comes home for lunch and asks his mom, 'Are William and Larry up yet?'
She replies, 'No.'
Johnny says, 'Do you know what I think?'
His mom replies, 'Never mind what you think! Eat your lunch and go back to school '
After school, Johnny comes home and asks again,
'Are William and Larry up yet?'
His mom says, 'No.'
He asks, 'Do you know what I think?'
His mom replies, 'OK, now tell me what you think.'
He says: 'Last night William came to my room for the Vaseline and I think...... I gave him my airplane glue.'
Post by: Barman on December 28, 2011, 06:53:30 AM
William and Larry got married in California . They couldn't afford a honeymoon so, they go back to William's Mom and Dad's house for their first married night together.
In the morning, Johnny, William's little brother, gets up and has his breakfast. As he is going out of the door to go to school, he asks his mom if William and Larry are up yet.
She replies, 'No'.
Johnny asks, 'Do you know what I think?'
His mom replies, 'I don't want to hear what you think! Just go to school.'
Johnny comes home for lunch and asks his mom, 'Are William and Larry up yet?'
She replies, 'No.'
Johnny says, 'Do you know what I think?'
His mom replies, 'Never mind what you think! Eat your lunch and go back to school '
After school, Johnny comes home and asks again,
'Are William and Larry up yet?'
His mom says, 'No.'
He asks, 'Do you know what I think?'
His mom replies, 'OK, now tell me what you think.'
He says: 'Last night William came to my room for the Vaseline and I think...... I gave him my airplane glue.'
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Just One More on December 29, 2011, 11:57:59 AM
A teddy bear is working on a building site. He goes for a tea break and when he returns he notices his pick has been stolen. The bear is angry and reports the theft to the foreman. The foreman grins at the bear and says "Oh, I forgot to tell you, today's the day the teddy bears have their pick nicked."
Just got back from my mate's funeral. He died after being hit on the head with a tennis ball. It was a lovely service.
19 paddies go to the cinema, the ticket lady asks "Why so many of you?" Mick replies, "The film said 18 or over."
Post by: Barman on December 29, 2011, 11:59:28 AM
Bought some 'rocket salad' yesterday but it went off before I could eat it!
Just got back from my mate's funeral. He died after being hit on the head with a tennis ball. It was a lovely service.
happy001
Post by: apc2010 on January 12, 2012, 09:48:37 AM
Extinct..........
Post by: Darwins Selection on January 12, 2012, 01:14:18 PM
Once upon a time a dinosaur farted.
Extinct..........
noooo:
Prep school, 1950
Post by: Barman on January 12, 2012, 01:19:15 PM
Once upon a time a dinosaur farted.
Extinct..........
noooo:
Prep school, 1950
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Nick on January 16, 2012, 09:57:48 AM
German visitor, "Schmidt."
British immigration officer, " Occupation?"
German visitor, "No , we're only here on holiday."
Post by: beerhead on January 16, 2012, 11:20:44 AM
The barber gets a little wooden ball from a cup on the shelf and tells him to put it inside his cheek to spread out the skin.
When he's finished, the old man tells the barber that was the cleanest shave he's had in years. But he wanted to know what would have happened if he had swallowed that little ball.
The barber replied, "Just bring it back tomorrow like everyone else does.
"
Three Aussie blokes working up on an outback mobile phone tower:
Mongrel, Coot and Bluey .
As they start their descent, Coot slips, falls off the tower and is killed instantly..
As the ambulance takes the body away,
Bluey says, 'Well, bugger me, someone's gotta go and tell Coot's wife.
Mongrel says, 'OK, I'm pretty good at that sensitive stuff, I'll do it.'
Two hours later, he comes back carrying a case of Beer.
Bluey says, 'Where'd you get the grog, Mongrel?'
'Coot's wife gave it to me,' Mongrel replies.
'That's unbelievable, you told the Missus her husband was dead and she gave you a case of beer?'
'Well, not exactly', Mongrel says.
'When she answered the door, I said to her, "you must be Coot's widow."
She said, 'You must be mistaken.. I'm not a widow.'
Then I said, 'I'll betcha a case of beer you are..'
Aussies are good at that sensitive stuff.
As a bagpiper, a friend of mine plays at many gigs.
Recently he was asked by a Funeral director to play at a graveside service for a homeless man. The man had no family or friends, so the service was to be at a Pauper's' cemetery in the back country.
As my friend was not familiar with the area, he got lost and, being a typical man, he didn't stop for directions.
He finally arrived an hour late and saw the funeral guy had evidently gone and the hearse was nowhere in sight.
There were only the diggers and crew left and they were eating lunch.
He said he felt badly and apologized to the men for being late.
He went to the side of the grave and looked down and the vault lid was already in place.
He didn't know what else to do, so he started to play.
The workers put down their lunches and began to gather around.
He played out his heart and soul for this man with no family and friends.
He played like he'd never played before for this homeless man.
And as he played 'Amazing Grace,' the workers began to weep.
They wept, and he wept, and they all wept together.
When he finished he packed up his bagpipes and started for his car.
Though his head hung low, his heart was full.
As he opened the door to his car, he said he heard one of the workers say,
"I never seen nothin' like that before and I've been putting in septic tanks for twenty years."
Post by: The Moan Ranger on January 16, 2012, 11:28:26 AM
Post by: beerhead on January 16, 2012, 12:12:39 PM
If you borrow from one source, it's plagiarism. If you borrow from several, it's research !
Post by: Barman on January 16, 2012, 04:28:16 PM
As a bagpiper, a friend of mine plays at many gigs.
Recently he was asked by a Funeral director to play at a graveside service for a homeless man. The man had no family or friends, so the service was to be at a Pauper's' cemetery in the back country.
As my friend was not familiar with the area, he got lost and, being a typical man, he didn't stop for directions.
He finally arrived an hour late and saw the funeral guy had evidently gone and the hearse was nowhere in sight.
There were only the diggers and crew left and they were eating lunch.
He said he felt badly and apologized to the men for being late.
He went to the side of the grave and looked down and the vault lid was already in place.
He didn't know what else to do, so he started to play.
The workers put down their lunches and began to gather around.
He played out his heart and soul for this man with no family and friends.
He played like he'd never played before for this homeless man.
And as he played 'Amazing Grace,' the workers began to weep.
They wept, and he wept, and they all wept together.
When he finished he packed up his bagpipes and started for his car.
Though his head hung low, his heart was full.
As he opened the door to his car, he said he heard one of the workers say,
"I never seen nothin' like that before and I've been putting in septic tanks for twenty years."
happy001
Post by: Just One More on January 20, 2012, 08:00:23 PM
The very next day he's back at work in the saw mill. A couple of days go by, and then Mick slips and severs his leg on another really big saw.So Paddy puts the limb in a plastic bag and rushes it and Mick off to hospital. Next day he calls in to see him and asks the nurse how he is. The nurse replies, 'He's out in the Rehab again exercising'. And sure enough, here's Mick out there doing some serious work on the treadmill. And very soon Mick comes back to work.
But, as usual, within a couple of days he has another accident and severs his head. Wearily Paddy puts the head in a plastic bag and transports it and Mick to hospital. Next day he goes in and asks the nurse how Mick is. The nurse breaks down and cries and says, 'He's dead.' Paddy is shocked, but not surprised. 'I suppose he finally injured himself too severely. '
'No', says the nurse, 'Some dope put his head in a plastic bag and he suffocated'.
Post by: Barman on January 20, 2012, 08:03:39 PM
Paddy and Mick are two Irishmen working at the local sawmill. One day, Mick slips and his arm gets severed. Next day, Paddy goes to the hospital and asks after Mick. The nurse says, Oh he's out in Rehab exercising'. Paddy couldn't believe it, but here's Mick out the back exercising his re-attached arm.
The very next day he's back at work in the saw mill. A couple of days go by, and then Mick slips and severs his leg on another really big saw.So Paddy puts the limb in a plastic bag and rushes it and Mick off to hospital. Next day he calls in to see him and asks the nurse how he is. The nurse replies, 'He's out in the Rehab again exercising'. And sure enough, here's Mick out there doing some serious work on the treadmill. And very soon Mick comes back to work.
But, as usual, within a couple of days he has another accident and severs his head. Wearily Paddy puts the head in a plastic bag and transports it and Mick to hospital. Next day he goes in and asks the nurse how Mick is. The nurse breaks down and cries and says, 'He's dead.' Paddy is shocked, but not surprised. 'I suppose he finally injured himself too severely. '
'No', says the nurse, 'Some dope put his head in a plastic bag and he suffocated'.
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Just One More on January 22, 2012, 05:15:45 PM
It was a hot Saturday evening in the summer of 1961 and Fred had a date with Peggy Sue. He arrived at her house and rang the bell. 'Oh, come on in!' Peggy Sue's mother said as she welcomed Fred in. 'Have a seat in the living room. Would you like something to drink? Lemonade? Iced tea?'
'Iced tea, please,' Fred said.
Mum brought in the iced tea. 'So, what are you and Peggy planning to do tonight?' she asked.
'Oh, probably catch a movie, and then maybe grab a bite to eat at the malt shop, maybe take a walk on the beach..'
'Peggy likes to screw, you know,' Mum informed him.
'Really?' Fred replied, his eyebrows rising.
'Oh yes,' the mother continued, 'When she goes out with her friends, that's all they do! Screw, again and again!!'
'Is that so?' asked Fred, incredulous.
'Yes,' said the mother. 'As a matter of fact, she'd screw all night if we let her!'
'Well, thanks for the tip!' Fred said as he began thinking about alternate plans for the evening.
A moment later, Peggy Sue came down the stairs looking pretty as a picture, wearing a pink blouse and a hooped skirt and with her hair tied back in a bouncy ponytail. She greeted Fred. 'Have fun, kids!' the mother said as they left.
Two hours later, a completely dishevelled Peggy Sue burst into the house and slammed the front door behind her.
"The Twist, Mum!" she angrily yelled to her mother in the kitchen. "The f**king dance is called the Twist!!!"
Post by: Barman on January 22, 2012, 05:35:25 PM
Post by: Just One More on January 24, 2012, 07:47:26 PM
Post by: Barman on January 24, 2012, 09:50:13 PM
Met a Dutchman today and noticed his shoes had built in Sat-nav.....Thought to myself ''f*****g clever clogs! ''
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Barman on January 30, 2012, 08:34:44 AM
Tiger turns to Stevie and says, "How's the singing career going?"
Stevie replies, "Not too bad. How's the golf?"
Woods replies, "Not too bad, I've had some problems with my swing, but I think I've got that right, now."
Stevie says, "I always find that when my swing goes wrong, I need to stop playing for a while and not think about it. Then, the next time I play, it seems to be all right."
Incredulous, Tiger says, "You play GOLF?"
Stevie says, "Yes, I've been playing for years."
Tiger says, "But -- you're blind! How can you play golf if you can't see?"
Stevie Wonder replies, "Well, I get my caddy to stand in the middle of the fairway and call to me. I listen for the sound of his voice and play the ball towards him. Then, when I get to where the ball lands, the caddy moves to the green or farther down the fairway and again I play the ball towards his voice."
But, "How do you putt" asks Tiger.
"Well", says Stevie, "I get my caddy to lean down in front of the hole and call to me with his head on the ground and I just play the ball toward his voice."
Tiger asks, "What's your handicap?"
Stevie says, "Well, actually -- I'm a scratch golfer."
Woods, incredulous, says to Stevie, "We've got to play a round sometime."
Stevie replies, "Well, people don't take me seriously, so I only play for money, and never play for less than $10,000 a hole. Is that a problem?"
Woods thinks about it and says, "I can afford that; OK, I'm game for that.. $10,000 a hole is fine with me. When would you like to play?"
Stevie Wonder says, "Pick a night."
drumroll:
Post by: Miss Creant Commander of the picklement and baking BAb(Hons) on January 30, 2012, 11:40:30 AM
Bought some 'rocket salad' yesterday but it went off before I could eat it!
A teddy bear is working on a building site. He goes for a tea break and when he returns he notices his pick has been stolen. The bear is angry and reports the theft to the foreman. The foreman grins at the bear and says "Oh, I forgot to tell you, today's the day the teddy bears have their pick nicked."
Just got back from my mate's funeral. He died after being hit on the head with a tennis ball. It was a lovely service.
19 paddies go to the cinema, the ticket lady asks "Why so many of you?" Mick replies, "The film said 18 or over."
Well, thanks for that 'little gem' JOM. redface:
Post by: Barman on January 30, 2012, 11:41:43 AM
Bought some 'rocket salad' yesterday but it went off before I could eat it!
A teddy bear is working on a building site. He goes for a tea break and when he returns he notices his pick has been stolen. The bear is angry and reports the theft to the foreman. The foreman grins at the bear and says "Oh, I forgot to tell you, today's the day the teddy bears have their pick nicked."
Just got back from my mate's funeral. He died after being hit on the head with a tennis ball. It was a lovely service.
19 paddies go to the cinema, the ticket lady asks "Why so many of you?" Mick replies, "The film said 18 or over."
Well, thanks for that 'little gem' JOM. redface:
Has it taken you a month to think of it...? lol:
Post by: Miss Creant Commander of the picklement and baking BAb(Hons) on January 30, 2012, 04:33:42 PM
Post by: Barman on January 30, 2012, 04:34:37 PM
sad32: Don't look in here very often. redface:
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Marley's Ghost (Imbiber of Spirits) on February 06, 2012, 12:56:56 PM
Bought some 'rocket salad' yesterday but it went off before I could eat it!
A teddy bear is working on a building site. He goes for a tea break and when he returns he notices his pick has been stolen. The bear is angry and reports the theft to the foreman. The foreman grins at the bear and says "Oh, I forgot to tell you, today's the day the teddy bears have their pick nicked."
Just got back from my mate's funeral. He died after being hit on the head with a tennis ball. It was a lovely service.
19 paddies go to the cinema, the ticket lady asks "Why so many of you?" Mick replies, "The film said 18 or over."
Well, thanks for that 'little gem' JOM. redface:
Has it taken you a month to think of it...? lol:
. . . Cos if it has, you're slow!
Post by: The Moan Ranger on February 10, 2012, 08:43:10 AM
Because that's Hawaii roll.
Post by: Snoopy on February 10, 2012, 08:48:27 AM
Post by: The Moan Ranger on February 10, 2012, 09:02:02 AM
Now there’s a site for sore eyes ;D
Post by: tel on February 10, 2012, 09:26:38 AM
Post by: The Moan Ranger on February 10, 2012, 09:32:05 AM
I was at a cash point yesterday when a little old lady asked me to check her balance. So I pushed her over.
;D
Post by: Darwins Selection on February 10, 2012, 09:43:37 AM
I was at a cash point yesterday when a little old lady asked me to check her balance. So I pushed her over.lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Barman on February 10, 2012, 10:19:46 AM
I was at a cash point yesterday when a little old lady asked me to check her balance. So I pushed her over.
lol: lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Just One More on February 10, 2012, 10:48:34 PM
Had a car accident?
Fell over on a wet floor at work?
Or tripped on an uneven curb?
If so.. .
Sort yourself out you clumsy twat
Post by: Barman on February 11, 2012, 07:18:27 AM
Have you been injured?
Had a car accident?
Fell over on a wet floor at work?
Or tripped on an uneven curb?
If so.. .
Sort yourself out you clumsy twat
happy001
Post by: apc2010 on February 14, 2012, 10:15:59 PM
pantene...........
Post by: Just One More on February 14, 2012, 10:22:41 PM
Post by: Just One More on February 21, 2012, 11:17:13 PM
Couldn't get the fucker off the Big Wheel for 2 days!
Post by: Barman on February 22, 2012, 05:50:28 AM
I bought the wife a fur coat made out of 3,600 hamster skins and took her to Blackpool...
Couldn't get the fucker off the Big Wheel for 2 days!
drumroll:
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Just One More on March 24, 2012, 11:51:01 PM
A spokesman said it was the worst case of Frogs Porn they have ever seen
Post by: Snoopy on March 25, 2012, 07:53:23 AM
Post by: Miss Creant Commander of the picklement and baking BAb(Hons) on March 25, 2012, 02:53:53 PM
Have you been injured?
Had a car accident?
Fell over on a wet floor at work?
Or tripped on an uneven curb?
If so.. .
Sort yourself out you're clumsy twat Nick.
whistle: whistle:
Post by: Barman on March 25, 2012, 03:11:16 PM
Have you been injured?
Had a car accident?
Fell over on a wet floor at work?
Or tripped on an uneven curb?
If so.. .
Sort yourself out you're clumsy twat Nick.
whistle: whistle:
happy001
Post by: Nick on March 25, 2012, 05:18:05 PM
Post by: Barman on March 25, 2012, 06:47:59 PM
“What’s your name?” asked the teacher.”Mohammed,” he replied. “You’re in Britain now,” replied the teacher, “So from now on you will be known as Kevin.”
Mohammed returned home after school. “How was your day, Mohammed?” his mother asked. “My name is not Mohammed. I’m in Britain and now my name is Kevin.”
His mother screamed “Are you ashamed of your name? Are you trying to dishonour your parents, your heritage, your religion? Shame on you!” and she beat him. Then she called his father, who beat him again.
The next day Mohammed returned to school. The teacher saw his bruises and asked “What happened to you, Kevin?”
“Well ma’am, shortly after becoming British, I was attacked by two fuckin’ Pakis”
happy001
Post by: Nick on March 25, 2012, 06:50:53 PM
Post by: Barman on March 25, 2012, 06:52:14 PM
AFFS cussing:
Oh yes...? tunble:
Post by: Just One More on April 02, 2012, 07:17:56 PM
"What about trying Viagra?" asked the doctor. "Not a chance" she said... "He won't even take an aspirin".
"Not a problem" replied the doctor. "Give him an 'Irish Viagra'".
"What's Irish Viagra?" she asked.
"It's when you drop the Viagra tablet into his coffee. He won't even taste it. Give it a try and call me in a week to let me know how things went".
It was a week later when she called the doctor, who directly inquired as to her progress. The poor dear exclaimed "Oh, faith, bejaysus and begorrah! T'was horrid! Just terrible, doctor!"
"Really!? What happened?" asked the doctor.
"Well, I did as you advised and slipped it in his coffee and the effect was almost immediate. He jumped straight up, with a smile on his face, a twinkle in his eye and with his pants a-bulging fiercely! With one swoop of his arms, he sent me cups and saucers flying, ripped me clothes to tatters and took me then and there passionately right there on the table top! T'was a nightmare, I tell you, an absolute nightmare!"
"Why so terrible?" asked the doctor "Do you mean the sex your husband provided wasn't good?"
"Freakin' jaysus, it was the best sex I've had in 25 years! But sure as I'm sittin' here, I'll never be able to show me face in Starbucks again!"
Post by: Marley's Ghost (Imbiber of Spirits) on April 02, 2012, 07:46:30 PM
Post by: Barman on April 03, 2012, 05:45:19 AM
AFFS!
Thumbs:
Post by: apc2010 on April 06, 2012, 08:34:16 AM
"Who's there?"
"Don't fuck around, Buzz. Who the hell do you think it is?"
"Sorry, Neil.
Post by: Barman on April 06, 2012, 08:55:42 AM
"Knock knock."
"Who's there?"
"Don't fuck around, Buzz. Who the hell do you think it is?"
"Sorry, Neil.
happy001
Post by: Just One More on April 06, 2012, 09:49:59 AM
Post by: Darwins Selection on April 06, 2012, 06:59:19 PM
lol: lol:"Knock knock."
"Who's there?"
"Don't fuck around, Buzz. Who the hell do you think it is?"
"Sorry, Neil.
happy001
Post by: Miss Demeanour on April 08, 2012, 09:45:06 AM
Local papers say... It was murder on Zidane's floor
Post by: Uncle Mort on April 08, 2012, 10:22:16 AM
Post by: Marley's Ghost (Imbiber of Spirits) on April 08, 2012, 10:34:45 AM
whistle:
Post by: Uncle Mort on April 08, 2012, 10:46:33 AM
Post by: Just One More on April 08, 2012, 10:47:03 AM
Sophie Ellis Baxter has been found dead in a french footballers appartment... Investigating officers say she was head butted to death.
Local papers say... It was murder on Zidane's floor
noooo: Have you found an old mobile phone at the back of the "man" drawer rubschin:
Post by: Just One More on April 08, 2012, 10:47:45 AM
This Sophie's a dancer then?
No, they used her face as a template for satellite dishes lol:
Post by: Miss Demeanour on April 08, 2012, 10:48:23 AM
She is singer in pop group now . Most popular hit " Murder on the Dancefloor"
noooo:
Post by: Miss Demeanour on April 08, 2012, 10:49:17 AM
Sophie Ellis Baxter has been found dead in a french footballers appartment... Investigating officers say she was head butted to death.
Local papers say... It was murder on Zidane's floor
noooo: Have you found an old mobile phone at the back of the "man" drawer rubschin:
Retro jokes are all the rage . lol:
It is in the hat , coat ...I'll close the door on me way out thread like whistle:
Post by: Miss Demeanour on April 08, 2012, 10:57:43 AM
An Italian astronaut
Post by: Uncle Mort on April 08, 2012, 10:58:51 AM
:thumbsup:
Post by: Just One More on April 08, 2012, 10:59:29 AM
Sophie Ellis Baxter has been found dead in a french footballers appartment... Investigating officers say she was head butted to death.
Local papers say... It was murder on Zidane's floor
noooo: Have you found an old mobile phone at the back of the "man" drawer rubschin:
Retro jokes are all the rage . lol:
It is in the hat , coat ...I'll close the door on me way out thread like whistle:
Retro rubschin: ....
Fool your neighbours into thinking it's 1972 by painting a dog turd white & leaving it outside their front door.
Post by: Just One More on April 08, 2012, 11:00:42 AM
And it was at this time during the darkest days of Christianity that as he was nailed to the cross and raised up for all to gaze upon his tortured and twisted body, he looked down wearily at his 12 apostles with his last gasping breath and said unto them....
"Don't touch my fucking Easter Eggs I'll be back on Monday"
Post by: apc2010 on April 08, 2012, 11:05:51 AM
Post by: Barman on April 08, 2012, 05:59:20 PM
It's Easter Sunday, diabetics knock yourself out...............
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: The Moan Ranger on April 08, 2012, 07:22:55 PM
Paddy said, "I've never really looked, but probably light brown.
Post by: Barman on April 09, 2012, 06:46:09 AM
Murphy asked Paddy "What ringtone have you got?!"
Paddy said, "I've never really looked, but probably light brown.
noooo: tunble:
Post by: apc2010 on April 09, 2012, 08:52:45 PM
Curry Nation Street starts later this year.........
Post by: Just One More on April 13, 2012, 05:31:07 AM
During the past year I have tried to make love to you 365 times.
I have succeeded 36 times, which is an average of once every ten days. The following is a list of why I did not succeed more often:
54 times the sheets were clean,
17 times it was too late,
49 times you were too tired,
20 times it was too hot,
15 times you pretended to be asleep,
22 times you had a headache,
17 times you were afraid of waking the baby,
16 times you said you were too sore,
12 times it was the wrong time of the month,
19 times you had to get up early,
9 times you said weren't in the mood,
7 times you were sunburned,
6 times you were watching the late show,
5 times you didn't want to mess up your new hair-do,
3 times you said the neighbors would hear us,
9 times you said your mother would hear us
... and of the 36 times I did succeed, the activity was not satisfactory because:
6 times you just laid there,
8 times you reminded me there's a crack in the ceiling,
4 times you told me to hurry up and get it over with,
7 times I had to wake you and tell you I finished,
1 time I was afraid I had hurt you because I felt you move.
TO MY DEAR BOYFRIEND,
I think you have things a little confused. Here are the reasons you didn't get more than you did:
5 times you came home drunk and tried to screw the cat,
36 times you did not come home at all,
21 times you didn't cum,
33 times you came too soon
19 times you went soft before you got in,
38 times you worked too late10 times you got cramps in your toes,
29 times you had to get up early to play golf,
2 times you were in a fight and someone kicked you in the balls,
4 times you got it stuck in your zipper,
3 times you had a cold and your nose was running,
2 times you had a splinter in your finger,
20 times you lost the notion after thinking about it all day,
6 times you came in your pyjamas while reading a dirty book,
98 times you were too busy watching football, baseball, etc. on TV.
and of the times we did get together the reason I laid still was because
you missed and were screwing the sheets.
I wasn't talking about the crack in the ceiling, what I said was, "Would you prefer me on my back or kneeling?"
The time you felt me move was because you farted and I was trying to breathe!
Post by: Barman on April 13, 2012, 05:45:08 AM
Post by: Just One More on April 13, 2012, 05:47:48 AM
Where rubschin:
Post by: Just One More on May 02, 2012, 05:18:15 PM
"Did you smell that food, it smelt incredible?" she said.
Being the nice guy I am, I thought, "Bugger it, I'll treat her, she deserves it"
So we walked past it again!
Post by: Just One More on May 02, 2012, 06:23:55 PM
Post by: Barman on May 03, 2012, 05:18:22 AM
Apparently thieves in Blackpool have been stealing coastal telescopes and replaced them with kaleidoscopes . Police say they can see a pattern emerging lol:
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: The Moan Ranger on May 03, 2012, 09:07:46 AM
Gav is gone cry:
Post by: apc2010 on May 03, 2012, 09:08:22 AM
My mate Gavin died from heartburn.
Gav is gone cry:
;D ;D ;D
Post by: Barman on May 03, 2012, 09:29:23 AM
My mate Gavin died from heartburn.
Gav is gone cry:
happy001
Post by: Just One More on May 08, 2012, 07:54:51 PM
I don't know which sick bastard was playing the CD but I didn't hang around to find out.
Post by: apc2010 on May 08, 2012, 08:01:48 PM
I spent the night in a haunted house once and made a run for it when I heard steps coming from upstairs.
I don't know which sick bastard was playing the CD but I didn't hang around to find out.
;D ;D ;D
Post by: Darwins Selection on May 08, 2012, 08:49:31 PM
I spent the night in a haunted house once and made a run for it when I heard steps coming from upstairs.
I don't know which sick bastard was playing the CD but I didn't hang around to find out.
Steps is a popular beat combo M'lud.
Post by: Just One More on May 08, 2012, 08:59:21 PM
They were Darwin, but H died like
(https://www.virtual-pub.com/SMF/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fs13.postimage.org%2Fyqkj6aw9f%2Fh_from_steps.jpg&hash=7624178042510585400d79b88d58b0edf6308a10) (http://postimage.org/image/yqkj6aw9f/)
Post by: apc2010 on May 08, 2012, 09:00:12 PM
Hark at Darwin getting down with the kids :thumbsup:
They were Darwin, but H died like
(https://www.virtual-pub.com/SMF/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fs13.postimage.org%2Fyqkj6aw9f%2Fh_from_steps.jpg&hash=7624178042510585400d79b88d58b0edf6308a10) (http://postimage.org/image/yqkj6aw9f/)
;D ;D................but deffo AFFS..........
Post by: Just One More on May 10, 2012, 06:08:35 PM
Like my name, address and telephone number.
Post by: Just One More on May 10, 2012, 10:19:19 PM
A drunkard with a ragged, dirty look came to apply for the position. The director of the factory wondered how to send him away. They gave him a glass to drink.
He tried it and said, "It's a Muscat , three Years old, grown on a north slope, matured in steel containers". Low grade but acceptable.
"That's correct", said the boss.
Another glass.... "It's a cabernet, eight years old, a south-western slope, oak barrels, matured at 8 degrees. Requires three more years for finest results.."
"Correct."
A third glass... ''It's a pinot blanc champagne, high grade and exclusive'' calmly said the drunk.
The director was astonished He winked at his secretary to suggest something. She left the room, and came back in with a glass of urine
The alcoholic tried it. "It's a blonde, 26 years old, three months pregnant and if you don't give me the job, I'll name the father."
The coffin was being lowered into the ground at a Traffic Warden's funeral. Suddenly a voice from inside screams, "I'm not dead, I'm not dead. Let me out!"
The Vicar smiles, leans forward sucking air through his teeth and mutters, "Too fucking late pal, the paperworks already done."
My mates call me gay because I can't stay on a skateboard for longer than a minute. I'd like to see them try it with high heels on.
Post by: Barman on May 12, 2012, 11:55:18 AM
A lot of things have changed since my girlfriend got pregnant.
Like my name, address and telephone number.
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Snoopy on May 12, 2012, 12:07:30 PM
A lot of things have changed since my girlfriend got pregnant.
Like my name, address and telephone number.
lol: lol: lol:
Some jokes are too near the truth to be funny redface:
Post by: Barman on May 12, 2012, 12:09:39 PM
A lot of things have changed since my girlfriend got pregnant.
Like my name, address and telephone number.
lol: lol: lol:
Some jokes are too near the truth to be funny redface:
point:
Post by: Snoopy on May 12, 2012, 12:20:41 PM
Post by: Marley's Ghost (Imbiber of Spirits) on May 14, 2012, 06:37:50 PM
As soon as he walked through the door at home, his wife started on him about, 'What time of night to be getting home is this? Where have you been?
Dinner is cold and I'm not reheating it'. And on and on and on.
Too shattered to play his usual role in this familiar ritual, he poured himself a shot of whiskey and headed off for a long hot soak in the bathtub, pursued by the predictable sarcastic remarks as he dragged himself up the stairs.
While he was in the bath, the phone rang. The wife answered and was told that her husband's client, James Wright, had been granted a stay of execution after all. Wright would not be hanged tonight.
Finally realizing what a terrible day he must have had, she decided to go up stairs and give him the good news.
As she opened the bathroom door, she was greeted by the sight of her husband, bent over naked, drying his legs and feet.
'They're not hanging Wright tonight,' she said.
He whirled around and screamed, 'FOR THE LOVE OF GOD WOMAN, DON'T YOU EVER STOP????
Post by: Barman on May 14, 2012, 06:38:57 PM
An attorney arrived home late, after a very tough day trying to get a stay of execution. His last minute plea for clemency to the governor had failed and he was feeling worn out and depressed.
As soon as he walked through the door at home, his wife started on him about, 'What time of night to be getting home is this? Where have you been?
Dinner is cold and I'm not reheating it'. And on and on and on.
Too shattered to play his usual role in this familiar ritual, he poured himself a shot of whiskey and headed off for a long hot soak in the bathtub, pursued by the predictable sarcastic remarks as he dragged himself up the stairs.
While he was in the bath, the phone rang. The wife answered and was told that her husband's client, James Wright, had been granted a stay of execution after all. Wright would not be hanged tonight.
Finally realizing what a terrible day he must have had, she decided to go up stairs and give him the good news.
As she opened the bathroom door, she was greeted by the sight of her husband, bent over naked, drying his legs and feet.
'They're not hanging Wright tonight,' she said.
He whirled around and screamed, 'FOR THE LOVE OF GOD WOMAN, DON'T YOU EVER STOP????
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Pirate on May 14, 2012, 07:05:43 PM
An attorney arrived home late, after a very tough day trying to get a stay of execution. His last minute plea for clemency to the governor had failed and he was feeling worn out and depressed.
As soon as he walked through the door at home, his wife started on him about, 'What time of night to be getting home is this? Where have you been?
Dinner is cold and I'm not reheating it'. And on and on and on.
Too shattered to play his usual role in this familiar ritual, he poured himself a shot of whiskey and headed off for a long hot soak in the bathtub, pursued by the predictable sarcastic remarks as he dragged himself up the stairs.
While he was in the bath, the phone rang. The wife answered and was told that her husband's client, James Wright, had been granted a stay of execution after all. Wright would not be hanged tonight.
Finally realizing what a terrible day he must have had, she decided to go up stairs and give him the good news.
As she opened the bathroom door, she was greeted by the sight of her husband, bent over naked, drying his legs and feet.
'They're not hanging Wright tonight,' she said.
He whirled around and screamed, 'FOR THE LOVE OF GOD WOMAN, DON'T YOU EVER STOP????
lol: lol: lol:
Groucho Marks circa 1900
Post by: Barman on May 14, 2012, 07:08:07 PM
An attorney arrived home late, after a very tough day trying to get a stay of execution. His last minute plea for clemency to the governor had failed and he was feeling worn out and depressed.
As soon as he walked through the door at home, his wife started on him about, 'What time of night to be getting home is this? Where have you been?
Dinner is cold and I'm not reheating it'. And on and on and on.
Too shattered to play his usual role in this familiar ritual, he poured himself a shot of whiskey and headed off for a long hot soak in the bathtub, pursued by the predictable sarcastic remarks as he dragged himself up the stairs.
While he was in the bath, the phone rang. The wife answered and was told that her husband's client, James Wright, had been granted a stay of execution after all. Wright would not be hanged tonight.
Finally realizing what a terrible day he must have had, she decided to go up stairs and give him the good news.
As she opened the bathroom door, she was greeted by the sight of her husband, bent over naked, drying his legs and feet.
'They're not hanging Wright tonight,' she said.
He whirled around and screamed, 'FOR THE LOVE OF GOD WOMAN, DON'T YOU EVER STOP????
lol: lol: lol:
Groucho Marks circa 1900
When he was ten like...? rubschin:
Post by: Pirate on May 14, 2012, 07:18:35 PM
Post by: Darwins Selection on May 14, 2012, 08:26:19 PM
An attorney arrived home late, after a very tough day trying to get a stay of execution. His last minute plea for clemency to the governor had failed and he was feeling worn out and depressed.
As soon as he walked through the door at home, his wife started on him about, 'What time of night to be getting home is this? Where have you been?
Dinner is cold and I'm not reheating it'. And on and on and on.
Too shattered to play his usual role in this familiar ritual, he poured himself a shot of whiskey and headed off for a long hot soak in the bathtub, pursued by the predictable sarcastic remarks as he dragged himself up the stairs.
While he was in the bath, the phone rang. The wife answered and was told that her husband's client, James Wright, had been granted a stay of execution after all. Wright would not be hanged tonight.
Finally realizing what a terrible day he must have had, she decided to go up stairs and give him the good news.
As she opened the bathroom door, she was greeted by the sight of her husband, bent over naked, drying his legs and feet.
'They're not hanging Wright tonight,' she said.
He whirled around and screamed, 'FOR THE LOVE OF GOD WOMAN, DON'T YOU EVER STOP????
lol: lol: lol:
Groucho Marks circa 1900
It wasn't Wright but a Welsh signalman called "Level Evans" who was not hanging when I first heard it in the 50's. noooo:
Post by: Snoopy on May 15, 2012, 06:41:56 AM
Post by: Darwins Selection on May 15, 2012, 08:20:08 AM
Yup! That's the version I know DS :thumbsup:
And the kids today never believe us when we tell them how hard things were back then. ;)
Post by: Grumpmeister on May 15, 2012, 07:33:49 PM
According to recent research we are most likely to die of the same thing our grandfather did.
I'm going to be keeping a bloody close eye out for German snipers then. scared:
redface:
Post by: Barman on May 15, 2012, 07:36:12 PM
Probably going to be an affs but bugger it, I heard it on the train earlier.
According to recent research we are most likely to die of the same thing our grandfather did.
I'm going to be keeping a bloody close eye out for German snipers then. scared:
redface:
I want to die in my sleep like my dad.... cloud9:
Not screaming in fear like all the passengers on his bus!
etc. ::)
Post by: Nick on May 15, 2012, 07:40:51 PM
Post by: Pirate on May 15, 2012, 07:48:09 PM
Post by: Just One More on May 16, 2012, 06:21:41 AM
''No''
''Got any bread?''
''No''
''Got any bread?''
''No''
''Got any bread?''
''NO!, and if you ask me again I'll nail your feckin beak to the bar you annoying little bastard!!''
''Got any nails?''
''NO!''
''Got any bread?''
Post by: Barman on May 16, 2012, 06:22:39 AM
Duck goes into a bar and says to the Barman ''Got any bread?''
''No''
''Got any bread?''
''No''
''Got any bread?''
''No''
''Got any bread?''
''NO!, and if you ask me again I'll nail your feckin beak to the bar you annoying little bastard!!''
''Got any nails?''
''NO!''
''Got any bread?''
happy001
Post by: Marley's Ghost (Imbiber of Spirits) on May 16, 2012, 04:48:31 PM
Duck goes into a bar and says to the Barman ''Got any bread?''
''No''
''Got any bread?''
''No''
''Got any bread?''
''No''
''Got any bread?''
''NO!, and if you ask me again I'll nail your feckin beak to the bar you annoying little bastard!!''
''Got any nails?''
''NO!''
''Got any bread?''
AFFFS
Post by: Barman on May 29, 2012, 04:07:02 AM
(https://www.virtual-pub.com/SMF/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fs14.postimage.org%2Fae4qe5819%2Froger.jpg&hash=99931cdefe2558cce43d3104820079e2a94fa878) (http://postimage.org/image/ae4qe5819/)
happy001
Shamelessly stolen from here. (http://bastardoldholborn.blogspot.com/)
Post by: Just One More on May 29, 2012, 05:41:48 AM
OH's posts are rare these days, at one point I thought they's done a David Kelly on him (no, not the Irish actor)
Post by: Just One More on May 30, 2012, 06:36:26 AM
Post by: Barman on May 30, 2012, 06:58:51 AM
Just been to pets at home to by a gold fish, the assistant asked me " Do you want an aquarium ?" i replied " Im not bothered what star sign it is !"
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Uncle Mort on May 30, 2012, 11:04:00 AM
(https://www.virtual-pub.com/SMF/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fs13.postimage.org%2F6rr77gj1v%2Fchickenwherenocat.jpg&hash=8d6d6105d142d5cd3b7cdaa77807a606a618406e) (http://postimage.org/image/6rr77gj1v/)
Post by: Just One More on June 10, 2012, 10:27:45 PM
'Sticks?', I replied.
Post by: apc2010 on June 10, 2012, 10:28:45 PM
I took 2 stuffed dogs onto Antiques Roadshow. 'Oohh ' said the presenter 'these are a very rare breed, do you have any idea what they would fetch if they were in good condition?'
'Sticks?', I replied.
;D ;D ;D ;D ;D
Post by: Barman on June 11, 2012, 04:31:42 AM
I took 2 stuffed dogs onto Antiques Roadshow. 'Oohh ' said the presenter 'these are a very rare breed, do you have any idea what they would fetch if they were in good condition?'
'Sticks?', I replied.
lol: lol: lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Just One More on June 30, 2012, 07:07:19 AM
The Mrs just told me, she'd rather go on holiday ALONE to Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogochuchaf, rather than go abroad with me.
I don't know how she can say that.
Post by: Barman on June 30, 2012, 11:04:58 AM
Post by: Just One More on July 09, 2012, 08:44:32 PM
He's on the roundabout at the moment but he's eyeing up the climbing frame as I type
Post by: Just One More on July 13, 2012, 06:04:26 AM
(https://www.virtual-pub.com/SMF/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fs12.postimage.org%2Flx8rgyx09%2Fhumerus.jpg&hash=f0a6c5440a25f17758bfd81190287e415009d61c) (http://postimage.org/image/lx8rgyx09/)
Post by: Barman on July 13, 2012, 06:12:19 AM
Post by: Just One More on August 04, 2012, 07:48:28 PM
When it's time to go to the toilets it is decided that the girls will go with one lady teacher and the boys with another. The teacher assigned to the boys is waiting outside when one of the boys comes out to tell her that none of them can reach the urinal.
Having no choice, she goes inside and helps the boys with their pants and begins hoisting the boys up one by one, holding their willies to direct the flow.
As she lifts one boy she can't help but notice that he is unusually well-endowed. Trying not to stare she says,
''You must be in year four.''
''No love, I'm riding Silver Shadow in the 2 15!''
Post by: Barman on August 05, 2012, 05:51:28 AM
Post by: Marley's Ghost (Imbiber of Spirits) on August 05, 2012, 08:57:34 AM
Post by: apc2010 on August 05, 2012, 12:26:48 PM
Now wait just a cockle picking minute here......
Post by: Barman on August 05, 2012, 12:44:29 PM
The Chinese have one of the fastest swimmers in the world?
Now wait just a cockle picking minute here......
happy001
Post by: Marley's Ghost (Imbiber of Spirits) on August 05, 2012, 01:21:20 PM
Post by: Barman on August 06, 2012, 04:07:53 PM
A teacher goes around her class asking each of the kids what do they need at home.
1st kid says "A computer".
Teacher replies "That'd be very useful."
2nd kid says "a new lawn mower" and gets a similar response.
Little Johnny pops up and says " At my house we don't need nuthin."
The teacher asks him to think again carefully as everybody needs something.
Little Johnny replies, "Nope I'm sure! When my sister started dating a Muslim,
I remember Dad saying, ………………
"Well, that's the last fucking thing we need."
Post by: Just One More on August 06, 2012, 07:15:10 PM
Post by: Miss Demeanour on August 06, 2012, 07:38:53 PM
The Looters Prayer
Our father, who art in prison,
My mum knows not his name,
Thy Riots come,
read it in "The Sun"
in Birmingham , as it is in London .
Give us this day our Welfare bread and forgive us our looting,
As we are happy to loot those who defend stuff against us.
Lead us not into employment but deliver us free housing,
for thine is the Facebook the Blackberry & the Twitter,
forever and ever...
Innit !!!!
Post by: apc2010 on August 07, 2012, 10:55:12 AM
have the police looked for a big bad wolf ............ rubschin:
Post by: Barman on August 07, 2012, 11:00:30 AM
That Tia Sharp who went missing visiting her grandmother ............
have the police looked for a big bad wolf ............ rubschin:
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Just One More on August 08, 2012, 04:47:53 PM
The Looters Prayer
Our father, who art in prison,
My mum knows not his name,
Thy Riots come,
read it in "The Sun"
in Birmingham , as it is in London .
Give us this day our Welfare bread and forgive us our looting,
As we are happy to loot those who defend stuff against us.
Lead us not into employment but deliver us free housing,
for thine is the Facebook the Blackberry & the Twitter,
forever and ever...
Innit !!!!
(https://www.virtual-pub.com/SMF/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fs18.postimage.org%2Fhqmwtg9ol%2Flondon_olympics_1.jpg&hash=971bcf27470b970c7a90db71859c02186aa60206) (http://postimage.org/image/hqmwtg9ol/)
(https://www.virtual-pub.com/SMF/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fs8.postimage.org%2Fy6k7bu535%2Flondon_olympics_2.jpg&hash=a3429fbeeea7f5d858c542495b82652cc3bb18d8) (http://postimage.org/image/y6k7bu535/)
(https://www.virtual-pub.com/SMF/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fs10.postimage.org%2F9x279x2vp%2Flondon_olympics_3.jpg&hash=8e01910165cda7bcae44a7485179e0f8b85b1cb8) (http://postimage.org/image/9x279x2vp/)
(https://www.virtual-pub.com/SMF/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fs13.postimage.org%2Filkzjl3ib%2Flondon_olympics_4.jpg&hash=4b6b595454e92f9260229171a0368ddd8857068f) (http://postimage.org/image/ilkzjl3ib/)
(https://www.virtual-pub.com/SMF/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fs16.postimage.org%2Ffb096vpyp%2Flondon_olympics_5.jpg&hash=cc53cdb5627691fb2a73e2fa0ad7b21112922290) (http://postimage.org/image/fb096vpyp/)
Post by: Just One More on August 16, 2012, 05:17:42 PM
(https://www.virtual-pub.com/SMF/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fs11.postimage.org%2Fl8h9ho1qn%2Fparrot.jpg&hash=93b8457c0a4d879cb32da47477610237e330d884) (http://postimage.org/image/l8h9ho1qn/)
redface:
Post by: Barman on August 16, 2012, 05:23:16 PM
Post by: apc2010 on August 17, 2012, 09:18:31 AM
I can't help but wonder, would Anne Frank still be alive today had the Nazis received training from West Croydon Police..........
Post by: Barman on August 17, 2012, 10:05:38 AM
I can't help but wonder, would Anne Frank still be alive today had the Nazis received training from West Croydon Police..........
lol: lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Just One More on August 17, 2012, 12:45:33 PM
Liverpool :Robin Van Wheels.
A man said to his mate, "My cat went out yesterday and I looked for four hours then I give up "
His mate said " You must look harder"
so he went home shaved his head got 5 Tattoos but stil he could not find it.
Post by: Barman on August 17, 2012, 01:23:28 PM
A man said to his mate, "My cat went out yesterday and I looked for four hours then I give up "
His mate said " You must look harder"
So he went home, shaved his head and got 5 tattoos but still could not find it.
happy001
Post by: apc2010 on August 18, 2012, 01:18:16 PM
. Apparently there is no explaining "I wish you were nine."........
Post by: Barman on August 18, 2012, 08:00:54 PM
Predictive text ruined my chance with this girl when I told her I wanted her.
. Apparently there is no explaining "I wish you were nine."........
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Miss Demeanour on August 18, 2012, 08:41:52 PM
Your grip whistle:
Post by: Barman on August 19, 2012, 07:43:24 AM
What's the difference between pink and purple?
Your grip whistle:
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Miss Creant Commander of the picklement and baking BAb(Hons) on August 20, 2012, 12:56:29 PM
(https://www.virtual-pub.com/SMF/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fs12.postimage.org%2Flx8rgyx09%2Fhumerus.jpg&hash=f0a6c5440a25f17758bfd81190287e415009d61c) (http://postimage.org/image/lx8rgyx09/)
happy001 happy001
This is made for sharing.
Post by: Just One More on August 23, 2012, 05:51:08 AM
Post by: Uncle Mort on August 23, 2012, 06:38:49 AM
Seven wheelchair athletes have been banned from the Paralympics after they tested positive for WD40 redface:
...could be the start of a slippery slope.
Post by: Miss Demeanour on August 23, 2012, 06:43:42 AM
Post by: Barman on August 23, 2012, 06:46:56 AM
Seven wheelchair athletes have been banned from the Paralympics after they tested positive for WD40 redface:
lol: lol: lol:
AFFS! ::)
Post by: Barman on August 23, 2012, 06:47:18 AM
Prince Harry has blamed his antics on......... A broken home, family living off taxpayers, growing up on estates and time spent in institutions whistle:
I like that! lol:
Post by: Marley's Ghost (Imbiber of Spirits) on August 23, 2012, 11:12:03 AM
Prince Harry has blamed his antics on......... A broken home, family living off taxpayers, growing up on estates and time spent in institutions whistle:
I like that! lol:
She forgot to mention the inbreeding - after all, Sandringham IS in Norfolk! lol:
Post by: Marley's Ghost (Imbiber of Spirits) on August 23, 2012, 03:37:41 PM
(https://www.virtual-pub.com/SMF/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.beetlehook.com%2FKirkhead.jpg&hash=ba4b231c56a8da8e4501560ae25c3129425f9088)
Post by: The Moan Ranger on August 23, 2012, 03:41:23 PM
(https://www.virtual-pub.com/SMF/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fs12.postimage.org%2F4i6cbtf5l%2Fbolt.jpg&hash=420e469bfb320dd014e0693a75651de0a2f879ac) (http://postimage.org/image/4i6cbtf5l/)
Post by: Barman on August 23, 2012, 04:26:19 PM
(https://www.virtual-pub.com/SMF/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fs12.postimage.org%2F4i6cbtf5l%2Fbolt.jpg&hash=420e469bfb320dd014e0693a75651de0a2f879ac) (http://postimage.org/image/4i6cbtf5l/)
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Just One More on August 23, 2012, 05:25:07 PM
Post by: apc2010 on August 23, 2012, 05:50:13 PM
Post by: miss Tchevious on August 23, 2012, 05:58:02 PM
(https://www.virtual-pub.com/SMF/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fs11.postimage.org%2Ffn3m96qrz%2Ffalling_finish_line.jpg&hash=a9863508495fe48e016114f7c381aa1068507c0b) (http://postimage.org/image/fn3m96qrz/)
that's Nick falling down cos he couldn't fasten his laces. noooo:
Post by: Nick on August 23, 2012, 06:04:41 PM
Post by: miss Tchevious on August 23, 2012, 06:09:28 PM
Post by: Nick on August 23, 2012, 06:10:55 PM
Post by: miss Tchevious on August 23, 2012, 06:18:00 PM
eveilgrin:
Post by: Nick on August 23, 2012, 06:20:19 PM
Post by: miss Tchevious on August 23, 2012, 06:24:14 PM
Post by: The Moan Ranger on August 28, 2012, 03:44:44 AM
Stevie Wonder is playing his first gig in Tokyo and the place is absolutely packed to the rafters. In a bid to break the ice with his new audience he asks if anyone would like him to play a request. A little old Japanese man jumps out of his seat in the first row and shouts at the top of his voice...
"Play a Jazz chord! Play a jazz chord!"
Amazed that this guy knows about the jazz influences in Stevie's varied career, the blind impresario starts to play an E minor scale and then goes into a difficult jazz melody for about 10 minutes. When he finishes the whole place goes wild. The little old man jumps up gain and shouts...
"No, no, play a Jazz chord, play a Jazz chord".
A bit nonplussed by this, Stevie, being the professional that he is, dives straight into a jazz improvisation with his band around the B flat minor chord and really tears the place apart. The crowd goes wild with this
impromptu show of his technical expertise.
The little old man jumps up again. "No, no. Play a Jazz chord, play a Jazz chord".
Well and truly brassed off that this little guy doesn't seem to appreciate his playing ability, Stevie says to him from the stage "OK smart ass, you get up here and do it!"
The little old man climbs up onto the stage, takes hold of the mike, and starts to sing.....
(wait for it...)
"A jazz chord to say I ruv you................."
Post by: Barman on August 28, 2012, 04:40:20 AM
Post by: apc2010 on September 02, 2012, 08:05:33 PM
My mate hates it when I put his chocolate bars in other chocolate bar wrappers.
It gets his Snickers in a Twix..........
Post by: Barman on September 02, 2012, 08:06:51 PM
Post by: Just One More on September 02, 2012, 08:46:14 PM
Post by: Miss Demeanour on September 11, 2012, 06:25:29 PM
redface:
Post by: Nick on September 11, 2012, 06:45:11 PM
Post by: apc2010 on September 11, 2012, 09:32:14 PM
11 years ago today I lost 6 very close friends. R.I.P. Mohamed, Mohamed, Mohamed, Mohamed, Mohamed & Mohamed.
redface:
;D ;D ;D ;D noooo: whistle:
Post by: Barman on September 12, 2012, 08:04:57 AM
11 years ago today I lost 6 very close friends. R.I.P. Mohamed, Mohamed, Mohamed, Mohamed, Mohamed & Mohamed.
redface:
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Nick on September 22, 2012, 05:34:15 PM
WHen they get home one is missing a leg and one is missing an arm.
Their mates asked about the holiday
"Great time."
"And what happened to your limbs?"
That was a mistake.....
WE went self catering
drumroll:
Post by: Barman on September 23, 2012, 05:47:55 AM
Post by: Miss Demeanour on September 23, 2012, 08:13:42 AM
Post by: Barman on September 23, 2012, 08:28:04 AM
Never make fun of a fat chick with a lisp. She's probably thick and tired of it.
happy001
Post by: Marley's Ghost (Imbiber of Spirits) on September 25, 2012, 08:08:55 AM
Taxi for Mr Ghost?
Post by: Marley's Ghost (Imbiber of Spirits) on September 25, 2012, 08:11:29 AM
An amateur group of Islamic film makers have posted a video on YouTube which mocks Christianity and Jesus Christ.
It is believed to be so offensive that St Peter's church in Shrewsbury have postponed their tea and cake morning until next Wednesday, and Dorothy Green from Margate has written in to Points of view.
When will the madness end?
Post by: Barman on September 25, 2012, 08:18:29 AM
The Head Gardener at the White House has been fired. Jim Whitey, the head gardener at the White House, was dismissed today after 28 years of loyal service to many US Presidents. In an exclusive interview outside the back gate of the Presidential Residence, Mr. Whitey, an elderly gentleman, proclaimed his innocence and strongly condemned his firing. "It all happened so fast. I'm still in a daze," said the bewildered Whitey. "All I know is I was getting ready to weed the rose bed outside the Oval Office window like I do every week. I yelled out to my assistants, 'Has anyone seen the spade and the hoe?' and the next thing I knew the Secret Service was escorting me off the property!"
Taxi for Mr Ghost?
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: The Moan Ranger on September 25, 2012, 03:46:02 PM
It's my P.S. de resistance.
Post by: Nick on September 25, 2012, 03:49:07 PM
Post by: beerhead on September 25, 2012, 05:04:04 PM
So I took some ohotos of her tit's and sold them to a newspaper.
Post by: Marley's Ghost (Imbiber of Spirits) on September 25, 2012, 05:07:15 PM
My girlfriend told me I should treat her like a princess.
So I took some ohotos of her tit's and sold them to a newspaper.
Doesn't work old bean! Kate (tits out) Middleton is a duchess IIRC
Post by: Nick on September 25, 2012, 05:17:10 PM
Nice tits though :thumbsup:
Yes, I did redface:
Post by: Marley's Ghost (Imbiber of Spirits) on September 25, 2012, 06:00:35 PM
Post by: Nick on September 25, 2012, 06:09:20 PM
Post by: Darwins Selection on September 25, 2012, 08:06:06 PM
Whenever I write a letter to someone, I add a footnote briefly explaining Ohm's law.
It's my P.S. de resistance.
I always carry a Voltmeter and an Ammeter with me whenever I travel away.
It reminds me of Ohm.
Post by: Nick on September 25, 2012, 08:27:06 PM
Post by: Darwins Selection on September 25, 2012, 08:43:59 PM
tunble:
CSE Science let you down?
Post by: apc2010 on September 25, 2012, 09:17:43 PM
Whenever I write a letter to someone, I add a footnote briefly explaining Ohm's law.
It's my P.S. de resistance.
I always carry a Voltmeter and an Ammeter with me whenever I travel away.
It reminds me of Ohm.
;D ;D ;D
Post by: Barman on September 26, 2012, 05:03:01 AM
Whenever I write a letter to someone, I add a footnote briefly explaining Ohm's law.
It's my P.S. de resistance.
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Barman on September 26, 2012, 05:03:36 AM
Whenever I write a letter to someone, I add a footnote briefly explaining Ohm's law.
It's my P.S. de resistance.
I always carry a Voltmeter and an Ammeter with me whenever I travel away.
It reminds me of Ohm.
lol:
Post by: Miss Demeanour on September 28, 2012, 06:03:10 AM
Post by: Barman on September 28, 2012, 06:45:35 AM
Apparently Liverpool FC are looking to sign Lenny Henry in the January transfer window. So that they can stay in the Premier.
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Miss Demeanour on September 29, 2012, 07:02:40 AM
Post by: Miss Demeanour on September 29, 2012, 07:10:59 AM
Post by: Barman on September 29, 2012, 07:12:11 AM
Post by: Just One More on September 29, 2012, 09:48:30 AM
I said, "Well go, walk out the door, don't turn around now, coz you're not welcome any more"
Post by: Just One More on September 29, 2012, 09:49:49 AM
I asked my boss "what do you want me to do with this 6 metre roll of bubble wrap?", he replied "Just pop it in the corner". Four fucking hours it took me.
Just bought some anti gloating cream ..................... I cant wait to rub it in
Post by: Miss Demeanour on September 29, 2012, 09:52:48 AM
Ice, ice, baby - Fred West going through his chest freezer.
Post by: Just One More on September 29, 2012, 09:56:19 AM
lol:
(What a nutjob JLC is)
Post by: Miss Demeanour on September 29, 2012, 09:58:06 AM
Post by: Barman on September 29, 2012, 10:05:09 AM
My pet mouse Elvis died yesterday. He was caught in a trap.
I asked my boss "what do you want me to do with this 6 metre roll of bubble wrap?", he replied "Just pop it in the corner". Four fucking hours it took me.
Just bought some anti gloating cream ..................... I cant wait to rub it in
happy001
Post by: Just One More on September 29, 2012, 11:24:49 AM
then realised it was an articulated lorry
Post by: Barman on September 29, 2012, 12:27:39 PM
I just nearly shit myself. On the way back from town, I just overtook a huge truck, accidentally cutting him up. He then sped past, pulled next to me at the traffic lights, and opened his window. I was expecting him to be swearing loudly, but no, he said, “your perpendicular driving resulted in the need for an overly swift deceleration, which I found deplorable.” I thought it weird,
then realised it was an articulated lorry
* groans * lol:
Post by: Snoopy on September 29, 2012, 01:02:15 PM
Post by: Miss Demeanour on September 30, 2012, 01:45:27 PM
The local cinema was robbed last night . The thieving bastards got away with £754. They took a bag of maltesers, a pick n mix and a large drink...
Post by: Just One More on September 30, 2012, 04:33:56 PM
Post by: Miss Demeanour on September 30, 2012, 04:57:47 PM
Post by: Just One More on September 30, 2012, 05:14:09 PM
Post by: Miss Demeanour on September 30, 2012, 05:15:01 PM
Post by: Just One More on September 30, 2012, 05:18:17 PM
Oh yes ...you can rely on me and my bovver boots lol:
I think that loud noise was Barman fallling off his chair
Post by: Miss Demeanour on September 30, 2012, 06:30:34 PM
Post by: Uncle Mort on September 30, 2012, 06:33:21 PM
H from Steps is badly injured in hospital. A helicopter landed on top of him.
Or a fireman tried to stick his hose in him.
Post by: Darwins Selection on September 30, 2012, 10:02:25 PM
H from Steps is badly injured in hospital. A helicopter landed on top of him.
Or a fireman tried to stick his hose in him.
A Spanish fireman had two sons, he called them Jose and Hose B.
Post by: Barman on October 01, 2012, 05:33:50 AM
Post by: Just One More on October 05, 2012, 09:02:27 PM
The caption read Now Then, Now Then, Now Then
Post by: Barman on October 06, 2012, 05:00:45 AM
One paper carried photos of three women who had made allegations about Jimmy Savile. They showed a photo taken at the time and one showing how they look now.
The caption read Now Then, Now Then, Now Then
happy001
Post by: apc2010 on October 06, 2012, 04:22:13 PM
I wonder if the Calvin Harris song "Acceptable in the 80's" was really written by Jimmy Savile............. rubschin:
Post by: Miss Demeanour on October 10, 2012, 05:07:55 PM
She was living in hope that it wasn't. That she could beat the odds.
But the doctor was quite hard hitting when he told her after 4 kids what did she really expect !
Post by: Just One More on October 10, 2012, 05:24:03 PM
Post by: Nick on October 10, 2012, 05:26:16 PM
Post by: Miss Demeanour on October 10, 2012, 06:02:43 PM
Miss D! noooo:
Not up to you standards I know whistle:
Post by: Barman on October 11, 2012, 04:00:35 AM
It came as no surprise to me that my wife was diagnosed with the big 'C'.
She was living in hope that it wasn't. That she could beat the odds.
But the doctor was quite hard hitting when he told her after 4 kids what did she really expect !
happy001
Post by: Darwins Selection on October 11, 2012, 01:30:34 PM
Miss D! noooo:
Not up to your standards I know whistle:
I just assumed BM had a hand in it.
Post by: Nick on October 11, 2012, 01:33:46 PM
Post by: Marley's Ghost (Imbiber of Spirits) on October 11, 2012, 03:35:45 PM
Mr Thread? noooo:
- can you please attend - and, bring Mr Needle with you - we have work to do!
Post by: Nick on October 11, 2012, 03:37:15 PM
Post by: Barman on October 11, 2012, 05:15:59 PM
Mr Thread? noooo:
- can you please attend - and, bring Mr Needle with you - we have work to do!
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Miss Demeanour on October 12, 2012, 06:39:14 AM
Post by: Barman on October 12, 2012, 06:41:39 AM
It can only be a matter of time before Boris Johnson's mum comes forward and tells us that she was raped by Jimmy Savile in 1963
happy001
Post by: Baldy on October 12, 2012, 06:56:34 AM
It can only be a matter of time before Boris Johnson's mum comes forward and tells us that she was raped by Jimmy Savile in 1963
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Darwins Selection on October 12, 2012, 08:19:58 AM
It can only be a matter of time before Boris Johnson's mum comes forward and tells us that she was raped by Jimmy Savile in 1963
drumroll:
Post by: Marley's Ghost (Imbiber of Spirits) on October 18, 2012, 02:41:01 PM
The missus bought a paperback
down Mumbles, Saturday
I had a look into her bag
'Twas Fifty Shades of Grey.
Well I just left her to it
At ten I went to bed,
And one hour later she appeared -
The sight filled me with dread....
In her left hand she held a rope,
And in her right a whip!
She threw them down upon the floor
And then began to strip.
Well, fifty years or so ago
I might have had a peek,
But Doris hasn't weathered well,
She's eighty-four next week.
Watching Doris bump and grind
Could not have been much grimmer,
Then things went from bad to worse
She toppled off her Zimmer!
She struggled back upon her feet
A couple of minutes later,
She put her teeth back in and said
That I must dominate her!
Now if you knew our Doris
You'd see just why I spluttered,
I'd spent two months in traction
From our last mad sex, I muttered.
She stood there nude, all naked like,
Bent forward just a bit...
So I thought - what the hell - stepped forward
And stood on her left tit!
Doris screamed, her teeth shot out,
My God, what had I done?
She moaned and groaned then shouted out
"Step on the other one!!"
Well readers, I can't tell no more
'Bout what occurred that day...
Suffice to stay, my jet black hair
Turned "Fifty Shades of Grey!"
Post by: Barman on October 18, 2012, 03:55:03 PM
Post by: Just One More on October 19, 2012, 08:45:48 PM
Mother Mary comes to me,
Speaking words of Wisdom,
"......Mr. Grimsdale!! MR.GRIMSDALE!!!"
Post by: Barman on October 20, 2012, 06:30:48 AM
Post by: Baldy on October 20, 2012, 06:47:36 AM
Post by: Just One More on November 03, 2012, 01:18:04 PM
The owner told him to pick a number from 1 to 10. If he guessed correctly, he would get his free sex.
Paddy guessed 8, and the proprietor said, 'You were close. The number was 7.
Sorry. No sex this time.'
A week later, Paddy, along with his friend Mick, pulled in for another fill-up. Again he asked for his free sex.
The proprietor again gave him the same story, and asked him to guess the correct number.
Paddy guessed 2. The proprietor said, 'Sorry, it was 3. You were close, but no free sex this time.'
As they were driving away, Mick said to Paddy, 'I think that game is rigged and he doesn't really give away free sex at all.'
Paddy replied, 'No it's genuine enough Mick. My wife won twice last week.'
Post by: apc2010 on November 03, 2012, 01:33:33 PM
A petrol station owner in Dublin was trying to increase his sales, so he put up a sign that read, 'Free Sex with every Full Tank.' Paddy pulled in, filled his tank and asked for his free sex.
The owner told him to pick a number from 1 to 10. If he guessed correctly, he would get his free sex.
Paddy guessed 8, and the proprietor said, 'You were close. The number was 7.
Sorry. No sex this time.'
A week later, Paddy, along with his friend Mick, pulled in for another fill-up. Again he asked for his free sex.
The proprietor again gave him the same story, and asked him to guess the correct number.
Paddy guessed 2. The proprietor said, 'Sorry, it was 3. You were close, but no free sex this time.'
As they were driving away, Mick said to Paddy, 'I think that game is rigged and he doesn't really give away free sex at all.'
Paddy replied, 'No it's genuine enough Mick. My wife won twice last week.'
lol: lol:
Post by: Barman on November 03, 2012, 01:38:36 PM
Post by: The Moan Ranger on November 03, 2012, 03:35:48 PM
Post by: apc2010 on November 03, 2012, 03:39:23 PM
She must do a lot of mileage to require two fill-ups per week. She'd be wise to consider investing in a more economical car.
To fill up does it need to be empty.......... whistle:
Post by: The Moan Ranger on November 03, 2012, 06:55:19 PM
She must do a lot of mileage to require two fill-ups per week. She'd be wise to consider investing in a more economical car.
To fill up does it need to be empty.......... whistle:
Yes. Otherwise it is a "top-up". Obviously. whistle:
Post by: Darwins Selection on November 03, 2012, 08:08:33 PM
worthy:She must do a lot of mileage to require two fill-ups per week. She'd be wise to consider investing in a more economical car.
To fill up does it need to be empty.......... whistle:
Yes. Otherwise it is a "top-up". Obviously. whistle:
Post by: Miss Demeanour on November 04, 2012, 08:10:31 AM
Post by: Just One More on November 04, 2012, 08:17:51 AM
I'm never quite sure what technique to use when I'm having a wank. So I use a bop-it to give me commands
I had to look it up redface:
No, Bop it, not a wank
Post by: Miss Demeanour on November 04, 2012, 08:30:26 AM
It's infuriating .....I have one here I am more than happy to send onto you for a lifetime trial basis like lol:
Post by: Just One More on November 04, 2012, 09:07:47 AM
Post by: Barman on November 04, 2012, 09:13:26 AM
Post by: Miss Demeanour on November 04, 2012, 09:15:38 AM
Post by: Barman on November 04, 2012, 09:23:26 AM
Can we have a BOP IT amnesty ......hand them into police stations to reduce crimes of rage or smelt them into something useful rubschin:
lol: lol: lol:
Good plan - I put mine away somewhere safe last Xmas and have cleverly forgotten where they are.... cloud9:
Mr. Tinks is the Bop-It king.... lol:
Post by: Miss Demeanour on November 04, 2012, 09:27:36 AM
There must be at least one unused BOP IT in every household that has been 'put away' otherwise it will be hurled across rooms the nation over !
bop it, pull it, spin it, twist it or pass it OWWWWWWWWWWWWW.
Banghead Banghead Banghead
Post by: Nick on November 04, 2012, 09:37:01 AM
Post by: Darwins Selection on November 04, 2012, 09:42:53 AM
I confiscated The Boy's before I went madToo late. noooo:
Post by: Barman on November 04, 2012, 09:56:46 AM
I confiscated The Boy's before I went madToo late. noooo:
happy002
Post by: Nick on November 04, 2012, 09:58:03 AM
Post by: Barman on November 04, 2012, 10:06:00 AM
::)
point:
Post by: Just One More on November 10, 2012, 11:39:13 AM
Joe looks up at Mike from his death bed," Mike, you've been my best friend for many years. If it's at all possible, I'll do this favour for you.
Shortly after that, Joe passes on.
At midnight a couple of nights later, Mike is awakened from a sound sleep by a blinding flash of white light and a voice calling out to him, "Mike--Mike."
"Who is it? Asks Mike sitting up suddenly. "Who is it?"
"Mike--it's me, Joe."
"You're not Joe. Joe just died."
"I'm telling you, it's me, Joe," insists the voice."
"Joe! Where are you?"
"In heaven", replies Joe.. "I have some really good news and a little bad news."
"Tell me the good news first ," says Mike.
"The good news," Joe says," is that there's football in heaven. Better yet, all of our old friends who died before us are here, too. Better than that, we're all young again. Better still, it's always spring time and it never rains or snows. And best of all, we can play football all we want, and we never get tired."
That's fantastic," says Mike. "It's beyond my wildest dreams! So what's the bad news?
"You're in the team for this Saturday."
Post by: Barman on November 10, 2012, 11:42:13 AM
Two 80 year old men, Mike and Joe, have been friends all of their lives. When it's clear that Joe is dying, Mike visits him every day. One day Mike says, "Joe, we both loved football all our lives, and we played football on Sundays together for so many years. Please do me one favour, when you get to Heaven, somehow you must let me know if there's football there."
Joe looks up at Mike from his death bed," Mike, you've been my best friend for many years. If it's at all possible, I'll do this favour for you.
Shortly after that, Joe passes on.
At midnight a couple of nights later, Mike is awakened from a sound sleep by a blinding flash of white light and a voice calling out to him, "Mike--Mike."
"Who is it? Asks Mike sitting up suddenly. "Who is it?"
"Mike--it's me, Joe."
"You're not Joe. Joe just died."
"I'm telling you, it's me, Joe," insists the voice."
"Joe! Where are you?"
"In heaven", replies Joe.. "I have some really good news and a little bad news."
"Tell me the good news first ," says Mike.
"The good news," Joe says," is that there's football in heaven. Better yet, all of our old friends who died before us are here, too. Better than that, we're all young again. Better still, it's always spring time and it never rains or snows. And best of all, we can play football all we want, and we never get tired."
That's fantastic," says Mike. "It's beyond my wildest dreams! So what's the bad news?
"You're in the team for this Saturday."
lol: lol: lol:
AFFS! ::)
Post by: apc2010 on November 20, 2012, 04:04:58 PM
Post by: Just One More on November 21, 2012, 06:02:42 AM
Post by: Barman on November 21, 2012, 06:11:07 AM
How many Countdown contestants does it take to change a BLIHBULGT?
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Darwins Selection on November 21, 2012, 09:21:48 AM
Some little scrotes stopped me outside the Co-op earlier and said, "Hey mate, will you go in there and get us 10 Richmond? 'No problem' said I (taking their money). On the way out I gave them their sausages and informed them they only come in packs of eight!happy001 happy001 happy001
Post by: Baldy on November 21, 2012, 10:20:03 AM
Some little scrotes stopped me outside the Co-op earlier and said, "Hey mate, will you go in there and get us 10 Richmond? 'No problem' said I (taking their money). On the way out I gave them their sausages and informed them they only come in packs of eight!
lol: lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Just One More on November 30, 2012, 06:19:34 PM
Post by: Barman on November 30, 2012, 06:29:41 PM
Just bought a new blindfold, can't see myself wearing it though!
Collapso >>> nose >>> keyboard lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Baldy on November 30, 2012, 09:41:08 PM
Just bought a new blindfold, can't see myself wearing it though!lol: lol: lol:
Post by: apc2010 on December 01, 2012, 02:14:27 PM
I said to a mate, "I bought my wife a pair of diamond earrings last month and she hasn't talked to me since."
"Why not?"
"That was part of the deal..............
Post by: Barman on December 01, 2012, 02:31:16 PM
I said to a mate, "I bought my wife a pair of diamond earrings last month and she hasn't talked to me since."
"Why not?"
"That was part of the deal..............
lol: lol: lol:
rubschin:
Post by: Uncle Mort on December 02, 2012, 09:15:39 PM
"You're lucky" I said "mine's still alive"
Post by: Baldy on December 02, 2012, 09:18:50 PM
My mate said his wife's an angel.
"You're lucky" I said "mine's still alive"
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: apc2010 on December 05, 2012, 12:14:10 PM
I called the RSPCA today and said, "I've just found a suitcase in the woods containing a fox and four cubs."
"That's terrible," she replied. "Are they moving?"
"I'm not sure, to be honest," I said, "But that would explain the suitcase................."
Post by: Barman on December 05, 2012, 02:07:22 PM
I called the RSPCA today and said, "I've just found a suitcase in the woods containing a fox and four cubs."
"That's terrible," she replied. "Are they moving?"
"I'm not sure, to be honest," I said, "But that would explain the suitcase................."
tunble:
Post by: Just One More on December 05, 2012, 06:08:31 PM
Post by: Tipsy Gipsy on December 05, 2012, 08:43:24 PM
Post by: Barman on December 06, 2012, 06:21:18 AM
Post by: Just One More on December 09, 2012, 08:16:26 AM
Still I guess it's my fault for marrying her!
Post by: Barman on December 09, 2012, 08:17:37 AM
I have 3 young children who still believe in Father Christmas. What I hate more than anything, after working hard all year and getting myself into debt buying them all their presents, is that the fat git with the beard gets all the credit on Christmas morning.
Still I guess it's my fault for marrying her!
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Baldy on December 09, 2012, 08:24:27 AM
Post by: Just One More on December 12, 2012, 10:11:00 PM
Post by: Baldy on December 12, 2012, 10:12:00 PM
Post by: Barman on December 13, 2012, 06:33:23 AM
Post by: Marley's Ghost (Imbiber of Spirits) on December 13, 2012, 04:30:09 PM
A girl named Latisha says, "Sometimes when I be suckin' Jamal's soul pole, my jaw git sore and
I hafta use my handsome."
(Hat, coat, door, taxi for M Ghost)
Post by: Just One More on December 17, 2012, 10:43:49 PM
" Not yet, " said the little boy.
His mother tells him no breakfast until he does his chores.
Well, he's a little teed off, so he goes to feed the chickens, and he kicks a chicken. He goes to feed the cows, and he kicks a cow. He goes to feed the pigs, and he kicks a pig. He goes back in for breakfast and his mother gives him a bowl of dry cereal.
" How come I don't get any eggs and bacon ?
and why don't I have any milk in my cereal ? " he asks.
" Well, " his mother says, " I saw you kick a chicken, so you don't get any eggs for a week. I saw you kick the pig, so you don't get any bacon for a week either. I saw you kick the cow so for a week you aren't getting any milk. "
Just then, his father comes down for breakfast and kicks the pussy cat halfway across the kitchen.
The little boy looks up at his mother with a smile, and says, " You gonna tell him or should I ? "
Post by: Baldy on December 17, 2012, 10:45:34 PM
Post by: Barman on December 22, 2012, 08:27:50 AM
Post by: apc2010 on December 22, 2012, 10:49:36 AM
"And I love you tons." I replied.
"What, no nickname for me?" She asked, disappointed.
Sometimes I swear the fat cow's going deaf............
Post by: Barman on December 22, 2012, 11:35:19 AM
"I love you loads, honeypie." My wife said earlier.
"And I love you tons." I replied.
"What, no nickname for me?" She asked, disappointed.
Sometimes I swear the fat cow's going deaf............
lol:
Post by: apc2010 on December 25, 2012, 10:19:57 AM
I'm going to miss my father this Christmas, but I know he'll be up there, looking down at us all............
Moaning about the broken stair lift...............
Post by: Baldy on December 25, 2012, 10:28:27 AM
I'm going to miss my father this Christmas, but I know he'll be up there, looking down at us all............
Moaning about the broken stair lift...............
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: apc2010 on December 28, 2012, 12:55:34 PM
Don't you hate it when you're typing something and you're thinking about something else so then you subconsciously type what you were tits..........
Post by: Just One More on December 28, 2012, 01:02:27 PM
Post by: Barman on December 28, 2012, 05:43:03 PM
Don't you hate it when you're typing something and you're thinking about something else so then you subconsciously type what you were tits..........
Oooohhhhh is it time for my Freudian slip joke? cloud9:
Post by: Nick on December 29, 2012, 08:09:29 PM
Post by: beerhead on December 29, 2012, 08:40:34 PM
Post by: Nick on December 29, 2012, 08:46:07 PM
Post by: Barman on December 29, 2012, 08:51:37 PM
Nick, you seem to use that spanking emoticon rather regularly. Is there something you need to share ?
He is an gayer... ::)
Post by: Nick on December 30, 2012, 02:33:19 PM
Post by: apc2010 on January 02, 2013, 02:11:59 PM
Post by: Barman on January 02, 2013, 02:16:11 PM
My main hope for 2004 is to clear up my dementia issues....................
lol:
Post by: apc2010 on January 06, 2013, 11:32:29 PM
'UK Man has first hand transplant.'
Surely that's a second hand transplant............. rubschin:
Post by: Tipsy Gipsy on January 07, 2013, 06:32:47 AM
Post by: Barman on January 07, 2013, 07:59:26 AM
'UK Man has first hand transplant.'
Surely that's a second hand transplant............. rubschin:
happy001
Tea >>> keyboard evil:
Post by: Darwins Selection on January 07, 2013, 02:03:07 PM
drumroll:happy001 happy001 happy001
Post by: Just One More on January 13, 2013, 09:23:14 PM
After a year, only three applied for the job:
a Japanese,
a Chinese and
a Jewish Samurai.
"Demonstrate your skills!" commanded the Emperor.
The Japanese samurai stepped forward, opened a tiny box and released a fly. He drew his samurai sword and *Swish!* the fly fell to the floor, neatly divided in two!
"What a feat!" said the Emperor. "Number Two Samurai, show me what you do."
The Chinese samurai smiled confidently, stepped forward and opened a tiny box, releasing a fly. He drew his samurai sword and * Swish! * Swish! * The fly fell to the floor neatly quartered.
"That is skill!" nodded the Emperor. "How are you going to top that, Number three Samurai?"
The Jewish samurai, Obi-wan Cohen, stepped forward opened a tiny box releasing one fly, drew his samurai sword and
*Swoooooosh! * flourished his sword so mightily that a gust of wind blew through the room. But the fly was still buzzing around!
In disappointment, the Emperor said, "What kind of skill is that? The fly isn't even dead."
"Dead," replied the Jewish Samurai !! "Dead is easy. Circumcision... THAT takes skill!"
Post by: Barman on January 13, 2013, 09:25:06 PM
Once upon a time a powerful Emperor of the Rising Sun advertised for a new Chief Samurai.
After a year, only three applied for the job:
a Japanese,
a Chinese and
a Jewish Samurai.
"Demonstrate your skills!" commanded the Emperor.
The Japanese samurai stepped forward, opened a tiny box and released a fly. He drew his samurai sword and *Swish!* the fly fell to the floor, neatly divided in two!
"What a feat!" said the Emperor. "Number Two Samurai, show me what you do."
The Chinese samurai smiled confidently, stepped forward and opened a tiny box, releasing a fly. He drew his samurai sword and * Swish! * Swish! * The fly fell to the floor neatly quartered.
"That is skill!" nodded the Emperor. "How are you going to top that, Number three Samurai?"
The Jewish samurai, Obi-wan Cohen, stepped forward opened a tiny box releasing one fly, drew his samurai sword and
*Swoooooosh! * flourished his sword so mightily that a gust of wind blew through the room. But the fly was still buzzing around!
In disappointment, the Emperor said, "What kind of skill is that? The fly isn't even dead."
"Dead," replied the Jewish Samurai !! "Dead is easy. Circumcision... THAT takes skill!"
*yawns*
Yes, very good JOM.... ::)
Post by: Just One More on January 13, 2013, 09:35:01 PM
Post by: Miss Demeanour on January 14, 2013, 06:23:28 AM
Post by: Barman on January 14, 2013, 06:40:27 AM
Post by: apc2010 on January 14, 2013, 10:37:21 PM
"Palestine model shot dead in Israel"
I hope it was Wallace, I really like Gromit........ redface:
Post by: Baldy on January 14, 2013, 11:03:48 PM
"Palestine model shot dead in Israel"
I hope it was Wallace, I really like Gromit........ redface:
lol: lol:
Post by: miss Tchevious on January 14, 2013, 11:10:18 PM
(https://www.virtual-pub.com/SMF/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fs8.postimage.org%2F7q1522c29%2FMorph_web.jpg&hash=be65d71fd4408935196d2c03f64de0c14fe4fa6b) (http://postimage.org/image/7q1522c29/)
love those palestine models. cloud9:
Post by: Baldy on January 14, 2013, 11:12:50 PM
(https://www.virtual-pub.com/SMF/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fs8.postimage.org%2F7q1522c29%2FMorph_web.jpg&hash=be65d71fd4408935196d2c03f64de0c14fe4fa6b) (http://postimage.org/image/7q1522c29/)
love those palestine models. cloud9:
You don't have to explain it Foggy. noooo:
Post by: miss Tchevious on January 14, 2013, 11:15:42 PM
Post by: Barman on January 15, 2013, 06:49:49 AM
"Palestine model shot dead in Israel"
I hope it was Wallace, I really like Gromit........ redface:
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Darwins Selection on January 15, 2013, 10:48:39 AM
come on............you would love a model you could mould Thumbs:
Women are like putty in his hands. . .
Post by: Just One More on January 15, 2013, 07:01:29 PM
"ITS A BOY" I shouted "A BOY, I DON'T BELIEVE IT, ITS A BOY"
And with tears streaming down my face I swore I'd never visit another Thai Brothel !
Post by: Barman on January 15, 2013, 07:05:00 PM
A mummy covered in chocolate and nuts has been discovered in Egypt. ........... Archaeologists believe it may be Pharaoh Roche
"ITS A BOY" I shouted "A BOY, I DON'T BELIEVE IT, ITS A BOY"
And with tears streaming down my face I swore I'd never visit another Thai Brothel !
happy001
Post by: apc2010 on January 16, 2013, 06:16:18 PM
That is equestrian...........
Post by: Barman on January 16, 2013, 06:31:12 PM
To buy frozen burgers or not to buy?
That is equestrian...........
lol: lol: lol: lol:
Post by: apc2010 on January 16, 2013, 07:57:05 PM
Post by: GROWLER on January 16, 2013, 08:02:13 PM
'UK Man has first hand transplant.'
Surely that's a second hand transplant............. rubschin:
Apparently, his cock's rejected it. whistle:
Post by: Barman on January 16, 2013, 08:46:34 PM
New Tesco burgers: Low in fat, high in Shergar......... redface:
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Barman on January 16, 2013, 08:47:07 PM
'UK Man has first hand transplant.'
Surely that's a second hand transplant............. rubschin:
Apparently, his cock's rejected it. whistle:
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Just One More on January 17, 2013, 11:54:42 PM
Post by: Baldy on January 18, 2013, 06:33:26 PM
Baggage is thrown out but still the plane's altitude continues to decrease. Once again the pilot gets on the intercom, "I hate to do this folks but in order to save the majority we are going to have to start off-loading some passengers. The only fair way is to do this Alphabetically, so we'll start with the letter 'A'". "Africans? Are there any Africans on board?" There was no answer so the pilot calls, "Black people, are there any black people on board?" Again silence.
"C - coloured people? Are there any coloured people on board?"
Still there is silence.
A little black boy sitting near the rear of the plane turned to his mother and said, "Mum, ain't we African? Ain't we black? Ain't we coloured?"
She replied, "Yes, son but for the moment we is Niggers. Let them do the Muslims first. If that don't work we is Zulus".
Post by: Just One More on January 19, 2013, 08:50:02 AM
Darwin, received a letter from the Department for Work & Pensions stating that they suspected he was not paying his employees the statutory minimum wage and they would send an inspector to interview them.
On the appointed day, the inspector turned up. "Tell me about your staff," he asked Darwin.
"Well," said Darwin, "there's the farm hand, I pay him £240 a week, and he has a free cottage.
Then there's the housekeeper. She gets £190 a week, along with free board and lodging.
There's also the half-wit. He works a 16 hour day, does 90% of the work, earns about £25 a week along with a bottle of whisky and, as a special treat, occasionally gets to sleep with my wife."
"That's disgraceful" said the inspector, "I need to interview the half-wit."
"That'll be me then," said Darwin.
Post by: Darwins Selection on January 19, 2013, 11:19:32 AM
Sod it, it's an old 'un and been tailored for here, but it made me smile this morning...
Darwin, received a letter from the Department for Work & Pensions stating that they suspected he was not paying his employees the statutory minimum wage and they would send an inspector to interview them.
On the appointed day, the inspector turned up. "Tell me about your staff," he asked Darwin.
"Well," said Darwin, "there's the farm hand, I pay him £240 a week, and he has a free cottage.
Then there's the housekeeper. She gets £190 a week, along with free board and lodging.
There's also the half-wit. He works a 16 hour day, does 90% of the work, earns about £25 a week along with a bottle of whisky and, as a special treat, occasionally gets to sleep with my wife."
"That's disgraceful" said the inspector, "I need to interview the half-wit."
"That'll be me then," said Darwin.
Why is this in the comedy room? sad32:
Post by: Snoopy on January 19, 2013, 11:23:01 AM
Sod it, it's an old 'un and been tailored for here, but it made me smile this morning...
Darwin, received a letter from the Department for Work & Pensions stating that they suspected he was not paying his employees the statutory minimum wage and they would send an inspector to interview them.
On the appointed day, the inspector turned up. "Tell me about your staff," he asked Darwin.
"Well," said Darwin, "there's the farm hand, I pay him £240 a week, and he has a free cottage.
Then there's the housekeeper. She gets £190 a week, along with free board and lodging.
There's also the half-wit. He works a 16 hour day, does 90% of the work, earns about £25 a week along with a bottle of whisky and, as a special treat, occasionally gets to sleep with my wife."
"That's disgraceful" said the inspector, "I need to interview the half-wit."
"That'll be me then," said Darwin.
Why is this in the comedy room? sad32:
drumroll:
Post by: apc2010 on January 20, 2013, 04:09:40 PM
Post by: miss Tchevious on January 22, 2013, 11:07:30 PM
Post by: Tipsy Gipsy on January 25, 2013, 08:00:39 PM
Post by: Barman on January 25, 2013, 08:02:19 PM
Police are on the lookout for two paedophiles disguised as workmen clearing snow outside Junior Schools, they are asking parents to keep their eyes peeled for Jimmy Shovel and Gary Gritter.
lol: lol: lol:
That is daft... but funny like.... rubschin:
Post by: Just One More on January 27, 2013, 09:38:40 AM
To all those who received a book from me as a Christmas present ....They were due back at the library on Friday
Post by: Barman on January 27, 2013, 09:48:38 AM
Shit!
To all those who received a book from me as a Christmas present ....They were due back at the library on Friday
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Barman on January 27, 2013, 02:34:47 PM
I agreed and they were right - we all stripped-off and to my horror - we had six matching balls.
redface:
Post by: Barman on January 27, 2013, 08:35:05 PM
Post by: Just One More on January 27, 2013, 08:48:47 PM
Post by: Barman on January 27, 2013, 09:01:10 PM
The light switch.
Post by: Baldy on January 27, 2013, 09:04:08 PM
What's white and works in KFC?
The light switch.
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Just One More on January 27, 2013, 09:40:18 PM
That's too good to be in here :thumbsup:
Post by: Just One More on January 28, 2013, 07:12:32 AM
A Blue One
Post by: Barman on January 28, 2013, 08:04:32 AM
Car Of The Year 2012, as voted by the readers of Women's Own magazine is:
A Blue One
happy001
Post by: Snoopy on January 28, 2013, 08:40:39 AM
Car Of The Year 2012, as voted by the readers of Women's Own magazine is:
A Blue One
happy001
Having spent a year selling new cars for Bristol Street Motors in Southampton back in the 70's that is no joke. Men would be interested in mpg, top speed, engine size and sometimes more technical matters such as a cassette player and other options ::) but their wives always wanted to know what colours were available. I know little about cars ~ never have but in 12 months nobody ever asked anything really technical that I couldn't answer.
It will come as no consolation to Uncle Mort but even then the tricky question to answer with accuracy was delivery dates.
Post by: Barman on January 28, 2013, 10:11:35 AM
Interested, I asked him to burn me a copy, well that's when it all kicked off...
Post by: Baldy on January 28, 2013, 10:33:10 AM
Car Of The Year 2012, as voted by the readers of Women's Own magazine is:
A Blue One
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Baldy on January 28, 2013, 10:34:14 AM
A muslim bloke was bragging that he had the whole Koran on DVD.
Interested, I asked him to burn me a copy, well that's when it all kicked off...
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Barman on January 28, 2013, 12:42:16 PM
'Ah want one o they dayvorces.'
Lawyer, 'Is she violent, wasteful or denies you sex?'
'Nope'
Lawyer, 'Is she a nagger?'
Nope, She's a little white gal but that baby she just done had is a nagger.'
Post by: Barman on January 28, 2013, 12:55:47 PM
My daughter asked me "Dad, what does 'coming out' mean?"
I said..."well..it's when a gay person decides they have had enough of pretending they are straight, They 'come out' which symbolises one's self, and the freedom form rules and expectations imposed by society. It's a sign of how human beings are becoming more open-minded and accepting of one another's differences.
Mind you, if it's a Nigerian, it usually means parole.
Post by: Baldy on January 28, 2013, 01:07:18 PM
Louisiana shit kicker visits his lawyer.
'Ah want one o they dayvorces.'
Lawyer, 'Is she violent, wasteful or denies you sex?'
'Nope'
Lawyer, 'Is she a nagger?'
Nope, She's a little white gal but that baby she just done had is a nagger.'
lol: lol:
Post by: Baldy on January 28, 2013, 01:07:50 PM
My daughter asked me "Dad, what does 'coming out' mean?"
I said..."well..it's when a gay person decides they have had enough of pretending they are straight, They 'come out' which symbolises one's self, and the freedom form rules and expectations imposed by society. It's a sign of how human beings are becoming more open-minded and accepting of one another's differences.
Mind you, if it's a Nigerian, it usually means parole.
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Barman on January 28, 2013, 04:08:20 PM
I replied. ‘I have never told her she is black’
I had a black Labrador gundog who was superb until he saw himself in the mirror and began pimping bitches, dealing Bob Martin’s and mugging Spaniels.
Post by: miss Tchevious on January 28, 2013, 04:15:53 PM
Post by: Barman on January 28, 2013, 04:16:43 PM
noooo: possibly the wankest joke ever.
evil:
Post by: Barman on January 28, 2013, 04:22:16 PM
Post by: miss Tchevious on January 28, 2013, 04:30:55 PM
Post by: Barman on January 29, 2013, 12:14:24 PM
Post by: Barman on January 29, 2013, 12:17:24 PM
He was in ecstasy with a huge smile on his face as his wife moved forwards, then backwards, forward, then backwards again....back and forth...back and forth...in and out....in and out...
She could feel the sweat on her forehead and between her breasts and trickling down the small of her back, she was getting near to the end...
Her heart was pounding...
Her face was flushed...
Then she moaned, softly at first, then began to groan louder...
Finally, totally exhausted, she let out an almighty scream and shouted, "OK, OK! I CAN'T park the fucking car!
You do it, you SMUG bastard!"
Post by: apc2010 on February 02, 2013, 01:23:30 PM
The driver can expect a rocket from his boss for that...
Post by: Barman on February 02, 2013, 01:50:39 PM
Lorry full of fireworks explodes in china killing 26.....
The driver can expect a rocket from his boss for that...
lol:
Post by: apc2010 on February 03, 2013, 11:34:36 AM
The Vicar smiles, leans forward sucking air through his teeth and mutters "Too late pal, the paperwork’s already done".......
Post by: Baldy on February 03, 2013, 11:59:23 AM
As the coffin was being lowered into the ground at a Traffic Warden’s funeral, a voice from inside screams "I'm not dead, I'm not dead. Let me out!"
The Vicar smiles, leans forward sucking air through his teeth and mutters "Too late pal, the paperwork’s already done".......
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Barman on February 03, 2013, 02:33:09 PM
As the coffin was being lowered into the ground at a Traffic Warden’s funeral, a voice from inside screams "I'm not dead, I'm not dead. Let me out!"
The Vicar smiles, leans forward sucking air through his teeth and mutters "Too late pal, the paperwork’s already done".......
happy001
Post by: apc2010 on February 06, 2013, 07:38:07 PM
RIP Ewan Whosarmy............. redface:
Post by: Barman on February 06, 2013, 07:38:41 PM
The author of the book "Childish Retorts" died today.
RIP Ewan Whosarmy............. redface:
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Baldy on February 06, 2013, 07:48:20 PM
The author of the book "Childish Retorts" died today.
RIP Ewan Whosarmy............. redface:
lol: lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Just One More on February 06, 2013, 11:33:23 PM
Man: Yes
Lady: How many packs a day?
Man: 3 packs
Lady: How much per pack
Man: £5.00
Lady: And how long have you been smoking?
Man: 30 years
Lady: So 1 pack cost £5.00 and you have 3 packs a day which puts your spending each month at £450. In one year, it would be £5,400 correct?
Man: Correct
Lady: If in 1 year you spend £5,400 not accounting for inflation, the past 30 years puts your spending at £162,000 correct?
Man: Correct
Lady: Do you know that if you hadn't smoked, that money could have been put in a step-up interest savings account and after accounting for compound interest for the past 30 years, you could have now bought a Ferrari?
Man: Do you smoke?
Lady: No
Man: Where's your fooking Ferrari then?
Post by: Baldy on February 07, 2013, 06:43:46 AM
Lady: Do you smoke?
Man: Yes
Lady: How many packs a day?
Man: 3 packs
Lady: How much per pack
Man: £5.00
Lady: And how long have you been smoking?
Man: 30 years
Lady: So 1 pack cost £5.00 and you have 3 packs a day which puts your spending each month at £450. In one year, it would be £5,400 correct?
Man: Correct
Lady: If in 1 year you spend £5,400 not accounting for inflation, the past 30 years puts your spending at £162,000 correct?
Man: Correct
Lady: Do you know that if you hadn't smoked, that money could have been put in a step-up interest savings account and after accounting for compound interest for the past 30 years, you could have now bought a Ferrari?
Man: Do you smoke?
Lady: No
Man: Where's your fooking Ferrari then?
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Barman on February 07, 2013, 07:26:43 AM
Lady: Do you smoke?
Man: Yes
Lady: How many packs a day?
Man: 3 packs
Lady: How much per pack
Man: £5.00
Lady: And how long have you been smoking?
Man: 30 years
Lady: So 1 pack cost £5.00 and you have 3 packs a day which puts your spending each month at £450. In one year, it would be £5,400 correct?
Man: Correct
Lady: If in 1 year you spend £5,400 not accounting for inflation, the past 30 years puts your spending at £162,000 correct?
Man: Correct
Lady: Do you know that if you hadn't smoked, that money could have been put in a step-up interest savings account and after accounting for compound interest for the past 30 years, you could have now bought a Ferrari?
Man: Do you smoke?
Lady: No
Man: Where's your fooking Ferrari then?
lol: lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Darwins Selection on February 07, 2013, 10:48:00 AM
lol: lol: lol: lol: lol:Lady: Do you smoke?
Man: Yes
Lady: How many packs a day?
Man: 3 packs
Lady: How much per pack
Man: £5.00
Lady: And how long have you been smoking?
Man: 30 years
Lady: So 1 pack cost £5.00 and you have 3 packs a day which puts your spending each month at £450. In one year, it would be £5,400 correct?
Man: Correct
Lady: If in 1 year you spend £5,400 not accounting for inflation, the past 30 years puts your spending at £162,000 correct?
Man: Correct
Lady: Do you know that if you hadn't smoked, that money could have been put in a step-up interest savings account and after accounting for compound interest for the past 30 years, you could have now bought a Ferrari?
Man: Do you smoke?
Lady: No
Man: Where's your fooking Ferrari then?
lol: lol: lol: lol:
Post by: apc2010 on February 08, 2013, 02:25:38 PM
Depressed..........
Post by: Barman on February 09, 2013, 05:42:38 AM
What do fat women get for Valentine's Day?
Depressed..........
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Miss Demeanour on February 09, 2013, 08:22:36 AM
What do fat women get for Valentine's Day?
Depressed..........
Oooh I had better start preparing all your cards for next week lol:
Post by: apc2010 on February 09, 2013, 01:53:41 PM
I'm so hungry I could eat a lasagne........
Post by: apc2010 on February 09, 2013, 01:57:37 PM
'Horses for courses'....has now lost all its metaphorical meaning....
Post by: Barman on February 09, 2013, 02:31:52 PM
Post by: Nick on February 09, 2013, 03:16:21 PM
What do fat women get for Valentine's Day?
Depressed..........
Oooh I had better start preparing all your cards for next week lol:
scared2:
And I think it's THIS week whistle:
Post by: Barman on February 09, 2013, 03:26:09 PM
What do fat women get for Valentine's Day?
Depressed..........
Oooh I had better start preparing all your cards for next week lol:
scared2:
And I think it's THIS week whistle:
Next week like... ::)
Post by: Nick on February 09, 2013, 08:45:47 PM
Post by: apc2010 on February 09, 2013, 10:38:54 PM
I hear that a large marquee with flashing lights has been erected in a Leicester car park.
A council spokesman said "now is the winter of our disco tent"............... redface:
Post by: Barman on February 10, 2013, 06:02:40 AM
I hear that a large marquee with flashing lights has been erected in a Leicester car park.
A council spokesman said "now is the winter of our disco tent"............... redface:
noooo:
Post by: Uncle Mort on February 10, 2013, 03:01:21 PM
What do fat women get for Valentine's Day?
Depressed..........
Oooh I had better start preparing all your cards for next week lol:
scared2:
And I think it's THIS week whistle:
Next week like... ::)
Valentines day is this week but Miss D is also right because she'll be sending us condolence cards. ;)
Post by: Miss Demeanour on February 10, 2013, 03:04:43 PM
I know we all think it's commercial clap trap but hey you gotta love getting a card :thumbsup:
I still won't get one this year sad32:
Post by: Uncle Mort on February 10, 2013, 03:08:16 PM
I still won't get one this year sad32:
Really? I would have thought you were guaranteed one this year rubschin:
Post by: Miss Demeanour on February 10, 2013, 03:10:14 PM
I did have a big box of chocolates and flowers last week though because it wasn't Valentines day lol:
Post by: apc2010 on February 10, 2013, 03:10:35 PM
I still won't get one this year sad32:
Really? I would have thought you were guaranteed one this year rubschin:
Sniggger............. redface:
Post by: Nick on February 10, 2013, 04:57:04 PM
Post by: Miss Demeanour on February 10, 2013, 04:58:43 PM
Post by: Nick on February 10, 2013, 05:04:39 PM
Post by: Miss Demeanour on February 10, 2013, 05:06:52 PM
Post by: apc2010 on February 10, 2013, 05:12:03 PM
How uncanny ....he is a Man Utd fan too ? noooo:
No, Nick booked him train tickets to manchester......... noooo:
Post by: Nick on February 10, 2013, 05:20:01 PM
Post by: Just One More on February 10, 2013, 05:58:35 PM
No ....he is in Madrid watching the footy noooo:
I did have a big box of chocolates and flowers last week though because it wasn't Valentines day lol:
The chosen one eeek:
Well played Miss D :thumbsup:
Post by: Just One More on February 10, 2013, 06:28:27 PM
"The Only Way Is Arse Sex".
Me and the wife bought a water bed, but had to get rid of it, as it was ruining our relationship... We were just slowly drifting apart.
12 family meals for less than £10....that's why mums go to iceland.
A 16 year old bouncing up and down on you for less than £10....that's why dads go to Thailand.
I was working in Tesco last night when I bumped into the lady I just started dating. I was re-arranging the washing powder in aisle 7 when she said "oi you told me you was a stunt pilot you lying bastard!" To which I replied
"No, I told you I was part of the Ariel display team ..."
For Miss C...
I watched my cock go in and out , in and out ,and in and out ..
It was getting wetter and wetter ..
All I could think was ...
Get in your fucking coop it's starting to rain
Some bloke just hit me over the head with a power tool... I was minding my own business then ..........bosch!
Post by: apc2010 on February 10, 2013, 06:33:38 PM
Post by: Baldy on February 11, 2013, 08:33:10 AM
Post by: Barman on February 11, 2013, 09:21:14 AM
Post by: Darwins Selection on February 11, 2013, 12:19:06 PM
Post by: apc2010 on February 11, 2013, 11:20:49 PM
Every time my nan tries to park her car, she starts shaking uncontrollably...........
I think she might have 'parking zone disease'
redface:
Post by: Barman on February 12, 2013, 05:28:01 AM
Post by: Baldy on February 12, 2013, 07:29:22 AM
Post by: apc2010 on February 13, 2013, 11:21:19 AM
The Pope is going to resign and to be honest I don't blame him...........
I'd leave my job too if my boss never showed up..........
Post by: Baldy on February 13, 2013, 11:23:42 AM
The Pope is going to resign and to be honest I don't blame him...........
I'd leave my job too if my boss never showed up..........
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Barman on February 13, 2013, 11:27:14 AM
The Pope is going to resign and to be honest I don't blame him...........
I'd leave my job too if my boss never showed up..........
lol: lol: lol: lol:
Post by: apc2010 on February 13, 2013, 11:56:45 AM
"we're joking about the pope now".
"He's right" sighs Richard III...................
Post by: apc2010 on February 13, 2013, 05:05:42 PM
you should try their Quarter Pandas.............. whistle:
Post by: Barman on February 13, 2013, 06:09:15 PM
If you think Tesco horse burgers are bad,
you should try their Quarter Pandas.............. whistle:
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Just One More on February 13, 2013, 09:42:42 PM
Post by: Barman on February 14, 2013, 05:34:26 AM
Breaking news.. after the recent spate of horsemeat findings in beef products Primark have decided to release some news..... many of their leggings contain a camel toe!!!!
Oh JOM! noooo:
Shall I ring AFFS or will you? whistle:
Post by: Just One More on February 14, 2013, 07:52:20 AM
Breaking news.. after the recent spate of horsemeat findings in beef products Primark have decided to release some news..... many of their leggings contain a camel toe!!!!
Oh JOM! noooo:
Shall I ring AFFS or will you? whistle:
Oh bollocks, so it has redface:
In my defence, I had been up to Manchester and back since 0430hr's yesterday
Post by: Barman on February 14, 2013, 08:15:17 AM
Breaking news.. after the recent spate of horsemeat findings in beef products Primark have decided to release some news..... many of their leggings contain a camel toe!!!!
Oh JOM! noooo:
Shall I ring AFFS or will you? whistle:
Oh bollocks, so it has redface:
In my defence, I had been up to Manchester and back since 0430hr's yesterday
happy100
Post by: Steve on February 14, 2013, 12:16:15 PM
(Yep am still in catch up mode)
Post by: Miss Demeanour on February 14, 2013, 07:20:04 PM
Post by: Miss Demeanour on February 14, 2013, 07:21:34 PM
Post by: apc2010 on February 14, 2013, 07:22:11 PM
She didn't notice Oscar sneaking up behind her. It was the silence of the limbs.
;D ;D ;D
Post by: Just One More on February 14, 2013, 07:34:14 PM
Got the hubby a pug dog the other day. Despite the squashed nose, bulging eyes and rolls of fat the dog seems to like him....
Post by: Baldy on February 14, 2013, 08:56:24 PM
The driver screamed, lost control of the cab, nearly hit a bus, drove up over the curb and stopped just inches from a large plate window..
For a few moments everything was silent in the cab. Then, the shaking driver said, "Are you OK? I'm so sorry, but you scared the daylights out of me."
The badly shaken passenger apologized to the driver and said, "I didn't realise that a mere tap on the shoulder would startle someone so badly."
The driver replied, "No, no, I'm the one who is sorry, it's entirely my fault. Today is my very first day driving a cab. I've been driving a hearse for 25 years."
Post by: Just One More on February 15, 2013, 06:16:48 AM
Post by: Barman on February 15, 2013, 08:09:13 AM
Post by: apc2010 on February 15, 2013, 03:44:33 PM
That's my prediction for Liverpools europa campaign.........................
Post by: Barman on February 15, 2013, 03:47:45 PM
Losing both legs and only getting 4 shots off.....
That's my prediction for Liverpools europa campaign.........................
happy001
Post by: apc2010 on February 15, 2013, 03:49:17 PM
Things apparently came to a head with Oscar Pistorious and his girlfriend after her valentines surprise...............
turned out to be socks...........
Post by: Barman on February 15, 2013, 04:28:31 PM
Things apparently came to a head with Oscar Pistorious and his girlfriend after her valentines surprise...............
turned out to be socks...........
*groans* noooo:
Post by: apc2010 on February 15, 2013, 08:03:18 PM
Post by: Barman on February 16, 2013, 07:30:23 AM
Oscar Pistorius brought a whole new meaning to taking your missus out on Valentine's Day......
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Baldy on February 16, 2013, 07:37:11 AM
Oscar Pistorius brought a whole new meaning to taking your missus out on Valentine's Day......
lol: lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Just One More on February 16, 2013, 08:47:57 AM
He refused all offers of food and drink, spat and swore at anyone who came near him, and smeared the walls with his own shit. After that, we never played Monopoly again
Post by: Barman on February 16, 2013, 09:04:28 AM
My brother took being sent to jail really badly.
He refused all offers of food and drink, spat and swore at anyone who came near him, and smeared the walls with his own shit. After that, we never played Monopoly again
happy001
Post by: Just One More on February 16, 2013, 10:02:57 AM
Post by: Barman on February 16, 2013, 11:24:58 AM
B & Q are to be investigated over the content of their flooring.... they found lamb it in redface:
*groans* lol: lol: lol:
It took me a while... redface:
Post by: Tipsy Gipsy on February 16, 2013, 07:15:04 PM
B & Q are to be investigated over the content of their flooring.... they found lamb it in redface:
noooo:
happy001 happy001 happy001
Post by: Just One More on February 17, 2013, 08:51:19 PM
Billy was the first up and asked the pope to help with his hearing, the pope put his hands over Billy's ears and said a prayer, how is your hearing now he asked,
Billy replied, I don't know it's not till next Wednesday......
Post by: Steve on February 17, 2013, 10:45:42 PM
Oscar Pistorius brought a whole new meaning to taking your missus out on Valentine's Day......happy001
My brother took being sent to jail really badly.happy001 aussi
He refused all offers of food and drink, spat and swore at anyone who came near him, and smeared the walls with his own shit. After that, we never played Monopoly again
The pope was on a visit to Liverpool and he invited people with problems to be part of the audience.and happy001 as well
Billy was the first up and asked the pope to help with his hearing, the pope put his hands over Billy's ears and said a prayer, how is your hearing now he asked,
Billy replied, I don't know it's not till next Wednesday......
:thumbsup: all
Post by: Steve on February 17, 2013, 10:49:02 PM
Roses are red
Apples are fruity
Don't eat Lasagna
It might be Black Beauty
(the lamb one is still struggling with my thick skull)
Post by: apc2010 on February 17, 2013, 10:54:54 PM
Just heard on the box
Roses are red
Apples are fruity
Don't eat Lasagna
It might be Black Beauty
(the lamb one is still struggling with my thick skull)
Laminate flooring....... whistle:
Post by: Steve on February 17, 2013, 10:58:35 PM
Post by: apc2010 on February 17, 2013, 11:33:41 PM
Post by: Barman on February 18, 2013, 05:36:47 AM
The pope was on a visit to Liverpool and he invited people with problems to be part of the audience.
Billy was the first up and asked the pope to help with his hearing, the pope put his hands over Billy's ears and said a prayer, how is your hearing now he asked,
Billy replied, I don't know it's not till next Wednesday......
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: apc2010 on February 20, 2013, 10:17:01 AM
What do you call a man with no legs?...
Fuck all...He might shoot you....
Post by: Barman on February 20, 2013, 10:30:32 AM
What do you call a man with no legs?...
Fuck all...He might shoot you....
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Just One More on February 20, 2013, 11:28:00 PM
I would think he should be a little more concerned about 'different races' entering him, once he's in prison.
Post by: Just One More on February 20, 2013, 11:28:29 PM
“Ey up cocker, tha dunt wanna be drinkin watta frum theer, its full o hoss piss an cow shite an it could kill thee”
The man says: "Excuse me Sir, I am from Lancashire can you speak clearer and slower please”
The farmer replies: " if....you.... Use.... Two ....Hands....... You....Wont.... Spill ....Any"
Post by: Baldy on February 21, 2013, 12:47:54 AM
Oscar Pistorius has said he won't be entering any further races.
I would think he should be a little more concerned about 'different races' entering him, once he's in prison.
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Barman on February 21, 2013, 05:51:52 AM
Oscar Pistorius has said he won't be entering any further races.
I would think he should be a little more concerned about 'different races' entering him, once he's in prison.
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Barman on February 21, 2013, 05:52:34 AM
Don't think yorkshire folk like us ......A farmer in Yorkshire sees a man drinking from his stream, so he shouts ,
“Ey up cocker, tha dunt wanna be drinkin watta frum theer, its full o hoss piss an cow shite an it could kill thee”
The man says: "Excuse me Sir, I am from Lancashire can you speak clearer and slower please”
The farmer replies: " if....you.... Use.... Two ....Hands....... You....Wont.... Spill ....Any"
::) AFFS! ::)
Post by: Just One More on February 21, 2013, 06:33:49 AM
Post by: Barman on February 21, 2013, 06:44:47 AM
I had a feeling redface:
point:
Post by: apc2010 on February 26, 2013, 03:51:58 PM
IKEA meatballs contain horse DNA...
There's a joke in there somewhere,
you'll have to assemble it yourselves.........
Post by: apc2010 on February 26, 2013, 03:53:25 PM
not a good week for burst balloons........... noooo:
Post by: Barman on February 26, 2013, 03:59:22 PM
Jordan............Egypt...........
not a good week for burst balloons........... noooo:
happy002
Post by: Barman on February 26, 2013, 03:59:46 PM
IKEA meatballs contain horse DNA...
There's a joke in there somewhere,
you'll have to assemble it yourselves.........
happy001
Post by: apc2010 on February 27, 2013, 02:30:05 PM
It will be ironic if a black Pope is elected.......
that he will be surrounded by men in white robes with pointy hats swinging crosses in front of him..........
Post by: Barman on February 27, 2013, 03:16:21 PM
It will be ironic if a black Pope is elected.......
that he will be surrounded by men in white robes with pointy hats swinging crosses in front of him..........
happy001
Post by: Baldy on February 27, 2013, 06:25:00 PM
It will be ironic if a black Pope is elected.......
that he will be surrounded by men in white robes with pointy hats swinging crosses in front of him..........
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Steve on February 27, 2013, 11:14:12 PM
lol: lol: lol:
It will be ironic if a black Pope is elected.......
that he will be surrounded by men in white robes with pointy hats swinging crosses in front of him..........
Post by: Just One More on March 06, 2013, 06:40:49 PM
A man goes into a library and asks for a book on suicide.
The librarian says, "Fuck off, you won't bring it back."
"I got fired today," I told my mate, "for downloading porn on the work computer and causing everything to crash."
"That's a bit harsh," he replied.
"They don't fuck around at Air Traffic Control," I said.
Post by: Barman on March 06, 2013, 06:51:12 PM
I sued my local Aldi, after I injured my ankle slipping on a fresh dog turd in the store entrance. I lost the case though. The court didn't accept the idea that there'd be something fresh in Aldi.
A man goes into a library and asks for a book on suicide.
The librarian says, "Fuck off, you won't bring it back."
"I got fired today," I told my mate, "for downloading porn on the work computer and causing everything to crash."
"That's a bit harsh," he replied.
"They don't fuck around at Air Traffic Control," I said.
happy002
Beer >>> keyboard evil:
Post by: Steve on March 06, 2013, 11:40:39 PM
happy001 happy001 happy001I sued my local Aldi, after I injured my ankle slipping on a fresh dog turd in the store entrance. I lost the case though. The court didn't accept the idea that there'd be something fresh in Aldi.
A man goes into a library and asks for a book on suicide.
The librarian says, "Fuck off, you won't bring it back."
"I got fired today," I told my mate, "for downloading porn on the work computer and causing everything to crash."
"That's a bit harsh," he replied.
"They don't fuck around at Air Traffic Control," I said.
happy002
Beer >>> keyboard evil:
Post by: Baldy on March 07, 2013, 08:55:22 AM
I sued my local Aldi, after I injured my ankle slipping on a fresh dog turd in the store entrance. I lost the case though. The court didn't accept the idea that there'd be something fresh in Aldi.
A man goes into a library and asks for a book on suicide.
The librarian says, "Fuck off, you won't bring it back."
"I got fired today," I told my mate, "for downloading porn on the work computer and causing everything to crash."
"That's a bit harsh," he replied.
"They don't fuck around at Air Traffic Control," I said.
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: apc2010 on March 08, 2013, 08:06:07 PM
I've just seen an advert in my local newspaper......
ACCOUNTANT NEEDED!
£35,000 - £40,000
So I phoned them up and said, "The answer is -£5,000.".............
Post by: Baldy on March 08, 2013, 08:34:05 PM
I've just seen an advert in my local newspaper......
ACCOUNTANT NEEDED!
£35,000 - £40,000
So I phoned them up and said, "The answer is -£5,000.".............
lol:
Post by: Just One More on March 08, 2013, 09:15:51 PM
Post by: Barman on March 09, 2013, 09:10:02 AM
Post by: Just One More on March 10, 2013, 09:10:40 PM
Both lost two legs and only had three shots on target...
Post by: apc2010 on March 10, 2013, 09:18:36 PM
What do Celtic and Oscar Pistorius have in common?
Both lost two legs and only had three shots on target...
Could be an AFFS.............. rubschin:
Post by: Just One More on March 10, 2013, 09:28:48 PM
Post by: apc2010 on March 10, 2013, 09:31:58 PM
Losing both legs and only getting 4 shots off.....
That's my prediction for Liverpools europa campaign.........................
Similar ............ rubschin:
Post by: Baldy on March 10, 2013, 09:33:34 PM
Quote from: apc2010 on February 15, 2013, 04:44:33 PM
Losing both legs and only getting 4 shots off.....
That's my prediction for Liverpools europa campaign.........................
Similar ............ rubschin:
One shot missing. rubschin:
Post by: Just One More on March 10, 2013, 09:36:17 PM
Quote from: apc2010 on February 15, 2013, 04:44:33 PM
Losing both legs and only getting 4 shots off.....
That's my prediction for Liverpools europa campaign.........................
Similar ............ rubschin:
I didn't even hear the whoosh when that one passed me by redface:
Post by: Miss Demeanour on March 10, 2013, 10:28:17 PM
Post by: Just One More on March 10, 2013, 10:31:10 PM
Post by: Barman on March 11, 2013, 06:03:45 AM
What do Celtic and Oscar Pistorius have in common?
Both lost two legs and only had three shots on target...
lol: lol: lol:
Not AFFS... noooo:
Post by: Darwins Selection on March 11, 2013, 02:23:22 PM
I live in Nottingham and I'm ginger and I got asked for sex today, I love filling in applications.
lol: lol:
whistle:
Post by: Barman on March 11, 2013, 02:26:30 PM
I live in Nottingham and I'm ginger and I got asked for sex today, I love filling in applications.
lol: lol:
whistle:
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: apc2010 on March 11, 2013, 03:58:05 PM
The Eastern Europeans keep their hands in their own fucking pockets!
Post by: Baldy on March 11, 2013, 03:59:36 PM
You can tell when it's really cold in the UK......
The Eastern Europeans keep their hands in their own fucking pockets!
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Barman on March 11, 2013, 04:01:37 PM
You can tell when it's really cold in the UK......
The Eastern Europeans keep their hands in their own fucking pockets!
lol: lol: lol: lol:
Post by: apc2010 on March 12, 2013, 01:23:45 PM
Post by: Barman on March 12, 2013, 01:41:33 PM
I hear HMP Holloway womens football team have got a new proven penalty taker.....
happy001
Post by: Baldy on March 12, 2013, 04:58:00 PM
I hear HMP Holloway womens football team have got a new proven penalty taker.....
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Just One More on March 12, 2013, 06:16:13 PM
Post by: apc2010 on March 13, 2013, 08:08:29 PM
There is a problem with his paypal account...............
Post by: Barman on March 13, 2013, 08:46:44 PM
Apparently the new pope is having problems setting up his bank details for his wages.....
There is a problem with his paypal account...............
tunble:
Post by: Just One More on March 13, 2013, 10:32:44 PM
Post by: Just One More on March 15, 2013, 08:36:14 PM
Two Irishmen looking through a mail order catalogue. Paddy says "Look at these gorgeous women! The prices are reasonable too."
Mick agrees "I'm ordering one right now"
3 weeks later Paddy says to Mick "Has your woman turned up yet?"
"No" said Mick "but it shouldn't be long now though. Her clothes arrived yesterday.
Man walks into WH Smith and says "Do you have the new self-help book for men with really small dicks?"
Girl says "I don’t think it’s in yet"
He replies "Yeah, that’s the one!"
A dwarf goes to a good but very busy doctor and asks "I know you are busy but do you treat dwarves?"
The doctor replies "Yes, but you will have to be a little patient".
Post by: Barman on March 16, 2013, 05:50:27 AM
Paddy caught his Wife having an affair and decided to kill her and himself. He puts the gun to his head, looks at his Wife and says "Don't laugh, you're next!!"
Two Irishmen looking through a mail order catalogue. Paddy says "Look at these gorgeous women! The prices are reasonable too."
Mick agrees "I'm ordering one right now"
3 weeks later Paddy says to Mick "Has your woman turned up yet?"
"No" said Mick "but it shouldn't be long now though. Her clothes arrived yesterday.
Man walks into WH Smith and says "Do you have the new self-help book for men with really small dicks?"
Girl says "I don’t think it’s in yet"
He replies "Yeah, that’s the one!"
A dwarf goes to a good but very busy doctor and asks "I know you are busy but do you treat dwarves?"
The doctor replies "Yes, but you will have to be a little patient".
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Just One More on March 16, 2013, 06:17:09 AM
Post by: Darwins Selection on March 16, 2013, 06:52:30 AM
And you did this " tunble: " to others in the "Material for APC" thread noooo:
Two sets of rules. noooo:
Post by: Barman on March 16, 2013, 07:39:00 AM
And you did this " tunble: " to others in the "Material for APC" thread noooo:
Two sets of rules. noooo:
Oh noes - we're all in this together like! Thumbs:
Post by: Darwins Selection on March 16, 2013, 10:39:26 AM
And you did this " tunble: " to others in the "Material for APC" thread noooo:
Two sets of rules. noooo:
Oh noes - we're all in this together like! Thumbs:
What do you mean "we" pailface?
Post by: Barman on March 16, 2013, 10:51:04 AM
And you did this " tunble: " to others in the "Material for APC" thread noooo:
Two sets of rules. noooo:
Oh noes - we're all in this together like! Thumbs:
What do you mean "we" pailface?
lol: lol: lol:
I saw what you did there like! Thumbs:
Post by: Darwins Selection on March 16, 2013, 10:52:16 AM
And you did this " tunble: " to others in the "Material for APC" thread noooo:
Two sets of rules. noooo:
Oh noes - we're all in this together like! Thumbs:
What do you mean "we" pailface?
lol: lol: lol:
I saw what you did there like! Thumbs:
Suttle, weren't it. ;)
Post by: Barman on March 16, 2013, 10:56:33 AM
And you did this " tunble: " to others in the "Material for APC" thread noooo:
Two sets of rules. noooo:
Oh noes - we're all in this together like! Thumbs:
What do you mean "we" pailface?
lol: lol: lol:
I saw what you did there like! Thumbs:
Suttle, weren't it. ;)
Obviously not that subtle.... redface:
Post by: apc2010 on March 19, 2013, 07:57:38 PM
BM had a similar problem like that for many years now
It's called LL............ whistle:
Post by: Barman on March 19, 2013, 07:59:36 PM
The residents of Cyprus are protesting in the streets because the government are going to start taking money straight out of their bank accounts
BM had a similar problem like that for many years now
It's called LL............ whistle:
tunble:
Post by: apc2010 on March 19, 2013, 08:01:20 PM
The residents of Cyprus are protesting in the streets because the government are going to start taking money straight out of their bank accounts
LL had a similar problem like that for many years now
It's called BM............ whistle:
tunble:
evil:
Post by: Snoopy on March 19, 2013, 09:00:10 PM
The residents of Cyprus are protesting in the streets because the government are going to start taking money straight out of their bank accounts
LL had a similar problem like that for many years now
It's called BM............ whistle:
tunble:
evil:
It was prolly funnier when LL told it but the other way round .... she mentioned "Shooting, Motor Bikes, Restoring Minis" to mention but a few.
Post by: apc2010 on March 19, 2013, 09:19:07 PM
The residents of Cyprus are protesting in the streets because the government are going to start taking money straight out of their bank accounts
LL had a similar problem like that for many years now
It's called BM............ whistle:
tunble:
evil:
It was prolly funnier when LL told it but the other way round .... she mentioned "Shooting, Motor Bikes, Restoring Minis" to mention but a few.
:thumbsup:
Post by: Barman on March 20, 2013, 06:31:31 AM
The residents of Cyprus are protesting in the streets because the government are going to start taking money straight out of their bank accounts
LL had a similar problem like that for many years now
It's called BM............ whistle:
tunble:
evil:
It was prolly funnier when LL told it but the other way round .... she mentioned "Shooting, Motor Bikes, Restoring Minis" to mention but a few.
redface:
Post by: apc2010 on March 20, 2013, 09:08:35 PM
How do you stop two Pakis talking to each other in English?
Walk into their shop........
Post by: The Moan Ranger on March 20, 2013, 09:12:04 PM
How do you stop two Pakis talking to each other in English?
Walk into their shop........
We're still waiting in the "World's most offensive joke" thread...PM me - I'll adjudicate :thumbsup:
Post by: Barman on March 21, 2013, 06:24:02 AM
How do you stop two Pakis talking to each other in English?
Walk into their shop........
lol: lol: lol:
Although it might be an
Post by: Barman on March 21, 2013, 06:24:32 AM
How do you stop two Pakis talking to each other in English?
Walk into their shop........
We're still waiting in the "World's most offensive joke" thread...PM me - I'll adjudicate :thumbsup:
He normally sends them to me.... sad24:
Post by: apc2010 on March 21, 2013, 01:04:53 PM
My wife told me I can be a right bastard sometimes,
so I chose Mondays and Wednesdays....... :thumbsup:
Post by: Steve on March 21, 2013, 01:07:28 PM
Post by: Baldy on March 21, 2013, 01:26:59 PM
My wife told me I can be a right bastard sometimes,
so I chose Mondays and Wednesdays....... :thumbsup:
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Barman on March 21, 2013, 02:27:55 PM
My wife told me I can be a right bastard sometimes,
so I chose Mondays and Wednesdays....... :thumbsup:
lol: lol: lol: lol:
Why only two days...? rubschin:
Post by: apc2010 on March 31, 2013, 01:42:20 PM
It walks in the family...........
Post by: apc2010 on March 31, 2013, 01:54:05 PM
Just so it felt like the wife was doing it.. ..........
Post by: Steve on March 31, 2013, 02:13:58 PM
Post by: Just One More on April 03, 2013, 09:08:41 PM
Somewhat taken aback, O'Leary replied, "That's very cheap," and handed over his money.
"Well, we try to stay ahead of the competition", said the barman. "And we are serving free pints every Wednesday evening from 6 until 8. We have the cheapest beer in Ireland"
"That is remarkable value" Michael comments
"I see you don't seem to have a glass, so you'll probably need one of ours. That will be 3 euro please.
O'Leary scowled, but paid up. He took his drink and walked towards a seat.
"Ah, you want to sit down?" said the barman. "That'll be an extra 2 euro. - You could have pre-book the seat, and it would have only cost you a Euro."
"I think you may to be too big for the seat sir, can I ask you to sit in this frame please"
Michael attempts to sit down but the frame is too small and when he can't squeeze in he complains "Nobody would fit in that little frame".
"I'm afraid if you can't fit in the frame you'll have to pay an extra surcharge of €4.00 for your seat sir"
O'Leary swore to himself, but paid up. "I see that you have brought your laptop with you" added the barman. "And since that wasn't pre-booked either, that will be another 3 euro."
O'Leary was so annoyed that he walked back to the bar, slammed his drink on the counter, and yelled, "This is ridiculous, I want to speak to the manager".
"Ah, I see you want to use the counter," says the barman, "that will be 2 euro please." O'Leary's face was red with rage.
"Do you know who I am?"
"Of course I do Mr. O'Leary,"
"I've had enough, What sort of Hotel is this? I come in for a quiet drink and you treat me like this. I insist on speaking to a manager!"
"Here is his E mail address, or if you wish, you can contact him between 9 and 9.10 every morning, Monday to Tuesday at this free phone number. Calls are free, until they are answered, then there is a talking charge of only 10 cent per second"
"I will never use this bar again
"OK sir, but remember, we are the only hotel in Ireland selling pints for one Euro"
Post by: Steve on April 03, 2013, 09:15:03 PM
Post by: Barman on April 04, 2013, 04:58:25 AM
Reminds me of that paint joke... rubschin:
Post by: apc2010 on April 06, 2013, 04:34:31 PM
Post by: Barman on April 06, 2013, 05:19:41 PM
Today's a day where there are stakes on horses instead of horses in steaks......
tunble:
Post by: Just One More on April 07, 2013, 04:46:51 PM
"Yes, I'm sorry," Paddy replies and promises to avert his eyes.
"It's quite all right," replies the woman, "It's very talented, watch this, I'll make it blow a kiss to you."
Sure enough the vagina blows him a kiss.
Paddy, who is completely absorbed, inquires what else the wonder muff can do.
"I can also make it wink," says the woman.
Paddy stares in amazement as the vagina winks at him.
"Come and sit next to me," suggests the woman, patting the seat.
Paddy moves over and she smiles and asks,
"Would you like to stick a couple of fingers in?"
Stunned, Paddy replies, "You’re kidding—you mean it can whistle, too?”
Post by: Barman on April 08, 2013, 07:27:55 AM
Post by: apc2010 on April 21, 2013, 09:50:16 PM
Kids: if anyone tells you you have ADHD, pay no attention..........
Post by: Baldy on April 21, 2013, 09:57:29 PM
Kids: if anyone tells you you have ADHD, pay no attention..........
lol:
Post by: Steve on April 21, 2013, 10:25:26 PM
Post by: The Moan Ranger on April 22, 2013, 06:25:56 AM
Post by: Baldy on April 22, 2013, 07:14:46 AM
Geordies must be perpetually confused that "Aldi" is not open 24 hours a day.
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Darwins Selection on April 22, 2013, 07:15:12 AM
Geordies must be perpetually confused that "Aldi" is not open 24 hours a day.lol: lol:
Post by: Marley's Ghost (Imbiber of Spirits) on April 22, 2013, 07:31:46 AM
Geordies must be perpetually confused that "Aldi" is not open 24 hours a day.
. . . and that LIDL is actually quite a big shop . . . .
Post by: Barman on April 22, 2013, 10:14:53 AM
Geordies must be perpetually confused that "Aldi" is not open 24 hours a day.
happy001
Post by: Steve on April 22, 2013, 11:24:24 AM
Geordies must be perpetually confused that "Aldi" is not open 24 hours a day.
. . . and that LIDL is actually quite a big shop . . . .happy001 both
Post by: Just One More on April 22, 2013, 05:23:15 PM
Post by: Darwins Selection on April 22, 2013, 09:45:41 PM
lol: lol: lol: (to both)^^^^^
Post by: apc2010 on April 26, 2013, 07:26:03 PM
Expect the Ray Charles Art Gallery any day now.........
Post by: Barman on April 26, 2013, 07:29:00 PM
The George W. Bush Library opened today in Dallas, Texas........
Expect the Ray Charles Art Gallery any day now.........
happy001
Post by: apc2010 on April 26, 2013, 07:30:15 PM
Wonder how he's going to get himself off........ rubschin:
Post by: Barman on April 26, 2013, 07:31:08 PM
Max Clifford charged with 11 counts of indecent assault.......
Wonder how he's going to get himself off........ rubschin:
happy002
Post by: apc2010 on April 26, 2013, 07:31:51 PM
The George W. Bush Library opened today in Dallas, Texas........
Expect the Ray Charles Art Gallery any day now.........
happy001
Be quick 3 of the 4 books have been coloured in.......
Post by: Barman on April 26, 2013, 07:35:35 PM
The George W. Bush Library opened today in Dallas, Texas........
Expect the Ray Charles Art Gallery any day now.........
happy001
Be quick 3 of the 4 books have been coloured in.......
tunble:
Post by: Steve on April 26, 2013, 07:45:44 PM
happy001 all the aboveThe George W. Bush Library opened today in Dallas, Texas........
Expect the Ray Charles Art Gallery any day now.........
happy001
Be quick 3 of the 4 books have been coloured in.......
tunble:
Post by: Marley's Ghost (Imbiber of Spirits) on April 29, 2013, 05:01:33 PM
He awoke before the Pearly Gates, where St. Peter said, 'You died in your sleep, Ed.'
Ed was stunned. 'I'm dead? No, I can't be! I've got too much to live for. Send me back!'
St. Peter said, 'I'm sorry, but there's only one way you can go back, and that is as a chicken.'
Ed was devastated, but begged St. Peter to send him to a farm near his home. The next thing he knew, he was covered with feathers, clucking and pecking the ground..
A rooster strolled past. 'So, you're the new hen, huh? How's your first day here?'
'Not bad,' replied Ed the hen, 'but I have this strange feeling inside. Like I'm gonna explode!'
'You're ovulating,' explained the rooster. 'Don't tell me you've never laid an egg before?'
'Never,' said Ed.
'Well, just relax and let it happen,' says the rooster. 'It's no big deal.'
He did, and a few uncomfortable seconds later, out popped an egg! He was overcome with emotion as he experienced motherhood. He soon laid another egg -- his joy was overwhelming..
As he was about to lay his third egg, he felt a smack on the back of his head, and heard.....
"Ed, wake up! You SHIT the bed!"
Post by: Steve on April 29, 2013, 09:25:51 PM
Post by: Barman on April 30, 2013, 04:10:21 AM
Ed came home drunk one night, slid into bed beside his sleeping wife, and fell into a deep slumber.
He awoke before the Pearly Gates, where St. Peter said, 'You died in your sleep, Ed.'
Ed was stunned. 'I'm dead? No, I can't be! I've got too much to live for. Send me back!'
St. Peter said, 'I'm sorry, but there's only one way you can go back, and that is as a chicken.'
Ed was devastated, but begged St. Peter to send him to a farm near his home. The next thing he knew, he was covered with feathers, clucking and pecking the ground..
A rooster strolled past. 'So, you're the new hen, huh? How's your first day here?'
'Not bad,' replied Ed the hen, 'but I have this strange feeling inside. Like I'm gonna explode!'
'You're ovulating,' explained the rooster. 'Don't tell me you've never laid an egg before?'
'Never,' said Ed.
'Well, just relax and let it happen,' says the rooster. 'It's no big deal.'
He did, and a few uncomfortable seconds later, out popped an egg! He was overcome with emotion as he experienced motherhood. He soon laid another egg -- his joy was overwhelming..
As he was about to lay his third egg, he felt a smack on the back of his head, and heard.....
"Ed, wake up! You SHIT the bed!"
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Baldy on April 30, 2013, 04:36:17 AM
Ed came home drunk one night, slid into bed beside his sleeping wife, and fell into a deep slumber.
He awoke before the Pearly Gates, where St. Peter said, 'You died in your sleep, Ed.'
Ed was stunned. 'I'm dead? No, I can't be! I've got too much to live for. Send me back!'
St. Peter said, 'I'm sorry, but there's only one way you can go back, and that is as a chicken.'
Ed was devastated, but begged St. Peter to send him to a farm near his home. The next thing he knew, he was covered with feathers, clucking and pecking the ground..
A rooster strolled past. 'So, you're the new hen, huh? How's your first day here?'
'Not bad,' replied Ed the hen, 'but I have this strange feeling inside. Like I'm gonna explode!'
'You're ovulating,' explained the rooster. 'Don't tell me you've never laid an egg before?'
'Never,' said Ed.
'Well, just relax and let it happen,' says the rooster. 'It's no big deal.'
He did, and a few uncomfortable seconds later, out popped an egg! He was overcome with emotion as he experienced motherhood. He soon laid another egg -- his joy was overwhelming..
As he was about to lay his third egg, he felt a smack on the back of his head, and heard.....
"Ed, wake up! You SHIT the bed!"
lol: lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Marley's Ghost (Imbiber of Spirits) on May 02, 2013, 04:29:28 PM
Post by: apc2010 on May 02, 2013, 04:30:37 PM
the Cock-Roache (http://postimg.org/image/540opr6c3/)
AFFS twice......
Post by: apc2010 on May 12, 2013, 02:32:01 PM
Until I told her it was Yewtree...
Post by: Barman on May 12, 2013, 02:34:20 PM
My boss was very understanding when I told her I would be off work because of a serious operation......
Until I told her it was Yewtree...
happy001
Post by: Baldy on May 12, 2013, 06:29:22 PM
My boss was very understanding when I told her I would be off work because of a serious operation......
Until I told her it was Yewtree...
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: apc2010 on June 14, 2013, 09:17:05 AM
I thought, "He's pushing his luck.".......
Post by: apc2010 on June 14, 2013, 09:24:59 AM
"What's for dinner?" he barked.
"Chicken at 1 o'clock" said the nurse,
so he shot the French bloke in the bed opposite......
Post by: Barman on June 14, 2013, 09:36:40 AM
Post by: Barman on June 16, 2013, 11:54:47 AM
Some girl gets a vibrator and it's seen as a bit of naughty fun, but when I ordered my 240Volt FuckMaster Pro5000 blow-up latex doll with 6 speed revolving pussy, elasticised anus with imitation shit dribble and breast nipple discharge, non-drip semen collection tray, together with optional built in realistic orgasm scream sound system, I'm apparently a dirty fucking pervert.
Post by: The Moan Ranger on June 16, 2013, 12:13:53 PM
I hate double standards.
Some girl gets a vibrator and it's seen as a bit of naughty fun, but when I ordered my 240Volt FuckMaster Pro5000 blow-up latex doll with 6 speed revolving pussy, elasticised anus with imitation shit dribble and breast nipple discharge, non-drip semen collection tray, together with optional built in realistic orgasm scream sound system, I'm apparently a dirty fucking pervert.
Should you have put this in "The Commons", BM?
Post by: Marley's Ghost (Imbiber of Spirits) on June 16, 2013, 12:16:35 PM
I hate double standards.
Some girl gets a vibrator and it's seen as a bit of naughty fun, but when I ordered my 240Volt FuckMaster Pro5000 blow-up latex doll with 6 speed revolving pussy, elasticised anus with imitation shit dribble and breast nipple discharge, non-drip semen collection tray, together with optional built in realistic orgasm scream sound system, I'm apparently a dirty fucking pervert.
Should you have put this in "The Commons", BM?
. . . . only if he bought it on expenses
Post by: apc2010 on June 16, 2013, 12:16:58 PM
I hate double standards.
Some girl gets a vibrator and it's seen as a bit of naughty fun, but when I ordered my 240Volt FuckMaster Pro5000 blow-up latex doll with 6 speed revolving pussy, elasticised anus with imitation shit dribble and breast nipple discharge, non-drip semen collection tray, together with optional built in realistic orgasm scream sound system, I'm apparently a dirty fucking pervert.
Should you have put this in "The Commons", BM?
;D ;D
Post by: boogs on June 16, 2013, 01:40:17 PM
I hate double standards.
Some girl gets a vibrator and it's seen as a bit of naughty fun, but when I ordered my 240Volt FuckMaster Pro5000 blow-up latex doll with 6 speed revolving pussy, elasticised anus with imitation shit dribble and breast nipple discharge, non-drip semen collection tray, together with optional built in realistic orgasm scream sound system, I'm apparently a dirty fucking pervert.
happy001 happy001 noooo:
Post by: boogs on June 16, 2013, 01:42:52 PM
I saw a man with a trolley full of horseshoes and rabbits' feet earlier, trying to get it up a hill......
I thought, "He's pushing his luck.".......
I went to see my grumpy, war veteran grandad in hospital the other day.
"What's for dinner?" he barked.
"Chicken at 1 o'clock" said the nurse,
so he shot the French bloke in the bed opposite......
FF's where did you find these... noooo:
Post by: Barman on June 16, 2013, 03:40:20 PM
I hate double standards.
Some girl gets a vibrator and it's seen as a bit of naughty fun, but when I ordered my 240Volt FuckMaster Pro5000 blow-up latex doll with 6 speed revolving pussy, elasticised anus with imitation shit dribble and breast nipple discharge, non-drip semen collection tray, together with optional built in realistic orgasm scream sound system, I'm apparently a dirty fucking pervert.
Should you have put this in "The Commons", BM?
evil:
Post by: Nick on June 16, 2013, 03:45:36 PM
Cashier: "It would be my pleasure Sir. Could you please show me your ID?"
Clegg: "Well I didn’t bring my ID with me as I didn't think there was any need to. I am Nick Clegg, the Deputy Prime Minister!!!"
Cashier: "I’m sorry, but with all the regulations, monitoring, of the banks because of impostors and forgers, etc. I must insist on proof of identity."
Clegg: "Just ask anyone here at the bank who I am and they will tell you. Everybody knows who I am."
Cashier: "I am sorry Deputy Prime Minister but these are the bank rules and I must follow them."
Clegg: "I need this cheque cashed."
Cashier: "Perhaps there’s another way: One day Colin Montgomery came into the bank without ID.
To prove he was Colin Montgomery he pulled out his putting iron and made a beautiful shot across the bank into a cup.
With that shot we knew him to be Colin Montgomery and cashed his cheque.
Another time, Andy Murray came in without ID. He pulled out his tennis racquet and made a fabulous shot where the tennis ball landed in my cup. With that spectacular shot we cashed his cheque..
So sir, what can you do to prove that you, and only you, are the Deputy Prime Minister?"
Clegg stood there thinking and finally said: "Honestly, I can't think of a single thing I'm good at."
Cashier: "Will that be large or small notes, Deputy Prime Minister?"
Post by: Barman on June 16, 2013, 03:50:18 PM
Post by: Darwins Selection on June 16, 2013, 04:15:19 PM
lol: lol: lol:lol: lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Steve on June 16, 2013, 05:51:29 PM
lol: lol: lol: lol: lol:lol: lol: lol:lol: lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Marley's Ghost (Imbiber of Spirits) on June 17, 2013, 09:56:06 AM
So... Nick Clegg walked into a branch of HSBC to cash a cheque. As he approached the cashier he said "Good morning, could you please cash this cheque for me"?
Cashier: "It would be my pleasure Sir. Could you please show me your ID?"
Clegg: "Well I didn’t bring my ID with me as I didn't think there was any need to. I am Nick Clegg, the Deputy Prime Minister!!!"
Cashier: "I’m sorry, but with all the regulations, monitoring, of the banks because of impostors and forgers, etc. I must insist on proof of identity."
Clegg: "Just ask anyone here at the bank who I am and they will tell you. Everybody knows who I am."
Cashier: "I am sorry Deputy Prime Minister but these are the bank rules and I must follow them."
Clegg: "I need this cheque cashed."
Cashier: "Perhaps there’s another way: One day Colin Montgomery came into the bank without ID.
To prove he was Colin Montgomery he pulled out his putting iron and made a beautiful shot across the bank into a cup.
With that shot we knew him to be Colin Montgomery and cashed his cheque.
Another time, Andy Murray came in without ID. He pulled out his tennis racquet and made a fabulous shot where the tennis ball landed in my cup. With that spectacular shot we cashed his cheque..
So sir, what can you do to prove that you, and only you, are the Deputy Prime Minister?"
Clegg stood there thinking and finally he whipped his cock out and started 'cracking one off' -
Cashier: "Will that be large or small notes, Deputy Prime Minister?"
Post by: Barman on June 17, 2013, 10:13:02 AM
So... Nick Clegg walked into a branch of HSBC to cash a cheque. As he approached the cashier he said "Good morning, could you please cash this cheque for me"?
Cashier: "It would be my pleasure Sir. Could you please show me your ID?"
Clegg: "Well I didn’t bring my ID with me as I didn't think there was any need to. I am Nick Clegg, the Deputy Prime Minister!!!"
Cashier: "I’m sorry, but with all the regulations, monitoring, of the banks because of impostors and forgers, etc. I must insist on proof of identity."
Clegg: "Just ask anyone here at the bank who I am and they will tell you. Everybody knows who I am."
Cashier: "I am sorry Deputy Prime Minister but these are the bank rules and I must follow them."
Clegg: "I need this cheque cashed."
Cashier: "Perhaps there’s another way: One day Colin Montgomery came into the bank without ID.
To prove he was Colin Montgomery he pulled out his putting iron and made a beautiful shot across the bank into a cup.
With that shot we knew him to be Colin Montgomery and cashed his cheque.
Another time, Andy Murray came in without ID. He pulled out his tennis racquet and made a fabulous shot where the tennis ball landed in my cup. With that spectacular shot we cashed his cheque..
So sir, what can you do to prove that you, and only you, are the Deputy Prime Minister?"
Clegg stood there thinking and finally he whipped his cock out and started 'cracking one off' -
Cashier: "Will that be large or small notes, Deputy Prime Minister?"
lol:
Post by: apc2010 on June 20, 2013, 12:02:49 PM
Post by: Darwins Selection on June 20, 2013, 12:05:50 PM
Jim Apple finds introducing himself very problematic when holidaying in France.......drumroll: drumroll:
Post by: apc2010 on June 20, 2013, 12:09:38 PM
Jim Apple finds introducing himself very problematic when holidaying in France.......drumroll: drumroll:
And my mate Gordon Morgan hates Germany........ noooo:
Post by: Darwins Selection on June 20, 2013, 12:19:42 PM
Jim Apple finds introducing himself very problematic when holidaying in France.......drumroll: drumroll:
And my mate Gordon Morgan hates Germany........ noooo:
But Phil Dank is always polite there.
Post by: Barman on June 20, 2013, 03:02:12 PM
Jim Apple finds introducing himself very problematic when holidaying in France.......
happy001
Post by: apc2010 on June 29, 2013, 07:45:23 PM
Post by: Barman on June 29, 2013, 08:25:10 PM
My local Chinese restaurant is short-staffed.......... redface:
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: apc2010 on June 29, 2013, 08:27:21 PM
I fucking hate having OCD...........
Post by: Barman on June 29, 2013, 08:36:23 PM
When one door closes, another one opens.
I fucking hate having OCD...........
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: boogs on June 29, 2013, 08:46:05 PM
When one door closes, another one opens.
I fucking hate having OCD...........
lol: lol: lol:
lol: lol:
Post by: Just One More on July 01, 2013, 09:28:10 PM
"Really" she said, "Go on then...try."
After about thirty seconds of fondling she began to lose patience and said.
"Come on, what day was I born"?
I said, "Yesterday."
Post by: Nick on July 01, 2013, 09:29:01 PM
Must try that on Foggy rubschin:
Post by: Just One More on July 01, 2013, 09:29:14 PM
I said, "Nice legs."
The girl giggled and said with a smile, "Do you really think so."
I said "Definitely! Most tables would have collapsed by now. "
Post by: Steve on July 01, 2013, 09:36:49 PM
I went to the pub last night and saw a fat bird dancing on a table.lol: lol: lol:
I said, "Nice legs."
The girl giggled and said with a smile, "Do you really think so."
I said "Definitely! Most tables would have collapsed by now. "
Post by: boogs on July 01, 2013, 10:39:14 PM
I was telling a girl in the pub about my ability to guess what day a woman was born just by feeling her boobs.
"Really" she said, "Go on then...try."
After about thirty seconds of fondling she began to lose patience and said.
"Come on, what day was I born"?
I said, "Yesterday."
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: boogs on July 01, 2013, 10:39:58 PM
I went to the pub last night and saw a fat bird dancing on a table.
I said, "Nice legs."
The girl giggled and said with a smile, "Do you really think so."
I said "Definitely! Most tables would have collapsed by now. "
lol:
Post by: Barman on July 02, 2013, 05:47:36 AM
I was telling a girl in the pub about my ability to guess what day a woman was born just by feeling her boobs.
"Really" she said, "Go on then...try."
After about thirty seconds of fondling she began to lose patience and said.
"Come on, what day was I born"?
I said, "Yesterday."
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Barman on July 02, 2013, 05:47:58 AM
I went to the pub last night and saw a fat bird dancing on a table.
I said, "Nice legs."
The girl giggled and said with a smile, "Do you really think so."
I said "Definitely! Most tables would have collapsed by now. "
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Marley's Ghost (Imbiber of Spirits) on July 02, 2013, 07:53:24 AM
Prolly AFFS, but it made I larf . . . .
Post by: boogs on July 02, 2013, 08:04:49 AM
”I was walking down the high street yesterday and a bloke threw a load of grated cheese in my face…I thought how dairy”
Prolly AFFS, but it made I larf . . . .
Correct an AFFS Mr M ... lol:
Post by: Barman on July 02, 2013, 08:06:21 AM
”I was walking down the high street yesterday and a bloke threw a load of grated cheese in my face…I thought how dairy”
Prolly AFFS, but it made I larf . . . .
lol:
I hadn't heard it before.... redface:
Post by: Marley's Ghost (Imbiber of Spirits) on July 02, 2013, 08:08:44 AM
”I was walking down the high street yesterday and a bloke threw a load of grated cheese in my face…I thought how dairy”
Prolly AFFS, but it made I larf . . . .
Correct an AFFS Mr M ... lol:
Shrugs:
Post by: Steve on July 02, 2013, 09:51:02 AM
When?”I was walking down the high street yesterday and a bloke threw a load of grated cheese in my face…I thought how dairy”
Prolly AFFS, but it made I larf . . . .
Correct an AFFS Mr M ... lol:
Post by: Barman on July 02, 2013, 09:54:51 AM
When?”I was walking down the high street yesterday and a bloke threw a load of grated cheese in my face…I thought how dairy”
Prolly AFFS, but it made I larf . . . .
Correct an AFFS Mr M ... lol:
I can't find it... whistle:
Post by: Steve on July 02, 2013, 10:16:52 AM
so
”I was walking down the high street yesterday and a bloke threw a load of grated cheese in my face…I thought how dairy”lol: lol: lol:
Prolly AFFS, but it made I larf . . . .
Post by: Barman on July 02, 2013, 10:22:03 AM
IIRC it's only an Affs it it has been posted before and I can't find it either
so”I was walking down the high street yesterday and a bloke threw a load of grated cheese in my face…I thought how dairy”lol: lol: lol:
Prolly AFFS, but it made I larf . . . .
AFFS! cussing:
Post by: Steve on July 02, 2013, 10:32:51 AM
Post by: boogs on July 02, 2013, 10:48:56 AM
8) Don't you need to be getting Tena pads for MeMi
She needs some of these ...
(https://www.virtual-pub.com/SMF/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fs17.postimg.org%2Fff9djds1n%2Fpads.jpg&hash=9ac0d05790bc4bbfce41ee410f614d2706a7ec8e) (http://postimg.org/image/ff9djds1n/)
Post by: Barman on July 02, 2013, 02:53:49 PM
8) Don't you need to be getting Tena pads for MeMi
She needs some of these ...
(https://www.virtual-pub.com/SMF/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fs17.postimg.org%2Fff9djds1n%2Fpads.jpg&hash=9ac0d05790bc4bbfce41ee410f614d2706a7ec8e) (http://postimg.org/image/ff9djds1n/)
Can you get me a discount like...? rubschin:
Post by: apc2010 on July 04, 2013, 01:39:57 PM
That's not a good Sign.......... noooo:
Post by: Barman on July 04, 2013, 01:40:53 PM
My Deaf girlfriend told me to fuck off.
That's not a good Sign.......... noooo:
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: apc2010 on July 10, 2013, 01:18:04 PM
Post by: Barman on July 10, 2013, 01:25:36 PM
Bit of a late post, but see the Royal Mail is to be sold off.....
*groans *
Post by: boogs on July 10, 2013, 02:34:29 PM
My Deaf girlfriend told me to fuck off.
That's not a good Sign.......... noooo:
happy001
Post by: apc2010 on July 12, 2013, 12:16:49 PM
Post by: Barman on July 12, 2013, 12:21:13 PM
A Roman walks into a bar, sticks two fingers up to the barman and says, "Five beers please.".........
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Darwins Selection on July 12, 2013, 02:10:36 PM
A Roman walks into a bar, sticks two fingers up to the barman and says, "Five beers please.".........lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Steve on July 12, 2013, 02:40:08 PM
A Roman walks into a bar, sticks two fingers up to the barman and says, "Five beers please.".........
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: apc2010 on July 15, 2013, 03:31:49 PM
George Zimmerman is afraid to leave home, as he is worried someone might take the law into their own hands........... rubschin:
Post by: Barman on July 15, 2013, 03:34:37 PM
The very best definition of irony?
George Zimmerman is afraid to leave home, as he is worried someone might take the law into their own hands........... rubschin:
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Baldy on July 15, 2013, 05:42:10 PM
The very best definition of irony?
George Zimmerman is afraid to leave home, as he is worried someone might take the law into their own hands........... rubschin:
lol: lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Steve on July 15, 2013, 06:49:18 PM
lol: lol: lol: lol: lol:The very best definition of irony?
George Zimmerman is afraid to leave home, as he is worried someone might take the law into their own hands........... rubschin:
lol: lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Barman on July 19, 2013, 11:56:49 AM
That didn’t work so I started pumping her chest.
It probably wasn’t the best time for a Tit Wank but what the hell... redface:
Post by: Steve on July 19, 2013, 12:00:36 PM
Post by: Baldy on July 19, 2013, 12:04:27 PM
I saw a young girl collapse in the town centre today, so I ran over and gave mouth to mouth resuscitation.
That didn’t work so I started pumping her chest.
It probably wasn’t the best time for a Tit Wank but what the hell... redface:
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: boogs on July 19, 2013, 04:11:36 PM
I saw a young girl collapse in the town centre today, so I ran over and gave mouth to mouth resuscitation.
That didn’t work so I started pumping her chest.
It probably wasn’t the best time for a Tit Wank but what the hell... redface:
happy001 happy001
Post by: Just One More on July 20, 2013, 08:30:12 PM
I've only got 30 pounds to go.
Post by: Just One More on July 20, 2013, 08:30:50 PM
Simply brush generously with extra virgin olive oil before lightly tossing it in the bin. :thumbsup:
Post by: Just One More on July 20, 2013, 08:31:56 PM
Post by: apc2010 on July 20, 2013, 08:36:56 PM
"Look, I've found a bottle of Cherry Coke with your name on it," I said to my son Litre.
;D
Post by: Just One More on July 20, 2013, 09:08:51 PM
I said "Fuck off Dave, I've got to go to work."
Post by: Just One More on July 20, 2013, 09:09:21 PM
I said to her, "What's the fucking point in paying him if you're gonna help clean the windows."
Post by: Just One More on July 20, 2013, 09:09:44 PM
I won't ask for help with packing the shopping again.
Post by: Baldy on July 20, 2013, 09:14:03 PM
My next door neighbour knocked on my door wearing just a see through negligee, asked to borrow a cup of sugar and then asked to come in for a cup of coffee.
I said "Fuck off Dave, I've got to go to work."
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Baldy on July 20, 2013, 09:14:50 PM
As she slowly eased the cucumber into my arse, it got me thinking...
I won't ask for help with packing the shopping again.
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Just One More on July 20, 2013, 09:19:48 PM
Post by: Baldy on July 20, 2013, 09:39:26 PM
I just bumped into Bruce Forsyth without a wig on. To be fair he probably doesn't know I usually wear one.
noooo:
Post by: Steve on July 20, 2013, 09:42:09 PM
My new years resolution was to lose 20 pounds by the end of summer.
I've only got 30 pounds to go.
I've just made the best recipe for tofu ever!
Simply brush generously with extra virgin olive oil before lightly tossing it in the bin. :thumbsup:
"Look, I've found a bottle of Cherry Coke with your name on it," I said to my son Litre.
I caught my wife hard at it with the window cleaner today.
I said to her, "What's the fucking point in paying him if you're gonna help clean the windows."
As she slowly eased the cucumber into my arse, it got me thinking...
I won't ask for help with packing the shopping again.
happy001 happy001 happy001
Post by: Barman on July 21, 2013, 09:18:13 AM
My new years resolution was to lose 20 pounds by the end of summer.
I've only got 30 pounds to go.I've just made the best recipe for tofu ever!
Simply brush generously with extra virgin olive oil before lightly tossing it in the bin. :thumbsup:"Look, I've found a bottle of Cherry Coke with your name on it," I said to my son Litre.I caught my wife hard at it with the window cleaner today.
I said to her, "What's the fucking point in paying him if you're gonna help clean the windows."As she slowly eased the cucumber into my arse, it got me thinking...
I won't ask for help with packing the shopping again.
happy001 happy001 happy001
^^^ wot he said Thumbs: ^^^
Post by: boogs on July 21, 2013, 09:20:31 AM
My new years resolution was to lose 20 pounds by the end of summer.
I've only got 30 pounds to go.I've just made the best recipe for tofu ever!
Simply brush generously with extra virgin olive oil before lightly tossing it in the bin. :thumbsup:"Look, I've found a bottle of Cherry Coke with your name on it," I said to my son Litre.I caught my wife hard at it with the window cleaner today.
I said to her, "What's the fucking point in paying him if you're gonna help clean the windows."As she slowly eased the cucumber into my arse, it got me thinking...
I won't ask for help with packing the shopping again.
happy001 happy001 happy001
^^^ wot he said Thumbs: ^^^
happy001 happy001 happy001
Post by: Just One More on July 22, 2013, 06:39:12 AM
Post by: Baldy on July 22, 2013, 06:53:19 AM
I was walking down the street with my wife earlier when she accused me of being ashamed to be seen with her. “That’s total bollocks” I replied, by text, from across the road.
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Steve on July 22, 2013, 08:13:28 AM
lol: lol: lol:I was walking down the street with my wife earlier when she accused me of being ashamed to be seen with her. “That’s total bollocks” I replied, by text, from across the road.
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: apc2010 on July 22, 2013, 08:40:14 PM
The Queen has called St Mary's Hospital several times today looking for an update on the royal baby.
So far, four nurses have committed suicide.......... redface:
Post by: Steve on July 22, 2013, 08:48:02 PM
happy001 happy001 happy001
The Queen has called St Mary's Hospital several times today looking for an update on the royal baby.
So far, four nurses have committed suicide.......... redface:
Post by: Baldy on July 22, 2013, 08:52:31 PM
The Queen has called St Mary's Hospital several times today looking for an update on the royal baby.
So far, four nurses have committed suicide.......... redface:
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Barman on July 23, 2013, 05:36:23 AM
The Queen has called St Mary's Hospital several times today looking for an update on the royal baby.
So far, four nurses have committed suicide.......... redface:
happy002
Post by: Darwins Selection on July 23, 2013, 09:44:01 AM
The Queen has called St Mary's Hospital several times today looking for an update on the royal baby.
So far, four nurses have committed suicide.......... redface:
happy002
happy002 happy002
Post by: Just One More on July 23, 2013, 05:33:33 PM
I said, "You've got the wrong house then mate."
Post by: Just One More on July 23, 2013, 05:34:08 PM
Apparently, £38 is a lot less than £102, and £14.50 is slightly more than £14.
Post by: Nick on July 23, 2013, 05:34:49 PM
Post by: Just One More on July 23, 2013, 05:37:49 PM
Finger:
Post by: Nick on July 23, 2013, 05:38:24 PM
Post by: Barman on July 23, 2013, 06:50:46 PM
Some guy knocked on my door today and said, "I have a parcel for your next door neighbour."
I said, "You've got the wrong house then mate."
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Barman on July 23, 2013, 06:51:07 PM
I was on one of those price comparison websites earlier.
Apparently, £38 is a lot less than £102, and £14.50 is slightly more than £14.
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: boogs on July 24, 2013, 10:55:11 AM
The Queen has called St Mary's Hospital several times today looking for an update on the royal baby.
So far, four nurses have committed suicide.......... redface:
happy001 happy001
Post by: apc2010 on July 27, 2013, 12:12:40 PM
I have to call her my secretary.......
Post by: Barman on July 27, 2013, 12:22:19 PM
My boss told me I'm not allowed to say 'there's a new opening at work'.
I have to call her my secretary.......
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Baldy on July 27, 2013, 04:41:01 PM
My boss told me I'm not allowed to say 'there's a new opening at work'.
I have to call her my secretary.......
lol: lol: lol: lol:
Post by: apc2010 on August 15, 2013, 01:36:19 PM
I was dissapointed.........
They didn't fit........
Post by: Barman on August 15, 2013, 01:40:42 PM
I just bought a load of clothes from an epilepsy charity shop.
I was dissapointed.........
They didn't fit........
tunble:
Post by: The Moan Ranger on August 15, 2013, 11:55:38 PM
The Egyptian curse of two ton car men strikes again.
Post by: Baldy on August 16, 2013, 05:17:18 AM
In Cairo, heavy duty vehicles driven by Government loyalists, crush dozens of tent-dwellers to death.
The Egyptian curse of two ton car men strikes again.
noooo:
Post by: Barman on August 16, 2013, 05:58:12 AM
In Cairo, heavy duty vehicles driven by Government loyalists, crush dozens of tent-dwellers to death.
The Egyptian curse of two ton car men strikes again.
happy001
Post by: Just One More on August 16, 2013, 06:14:15 AM
Post by: boogs on August 16, 2013, 07:25:10 AM
In Cairo, heavy duty vehicles driven by Government loyalists, crush dozens of tent-dwellers to death.
The Egyptian curse of two ton car men strikes again.
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Darwins Selection on August 16, 2013, 08:46:52 AM
In Cairo, heavy duty vehicles driven by Government loyalists, crush dozens of tent-dwellers to death.drumroll: drumroll: drumroll:
The Egyptian curse of two ton car men strikes again.
Post by: Tipsy Gipsy on August 16, 2013, 08:43:19 PM
In Cairo, heavy duty vehicles driven by Government loyalists, crush dozens of tent-dwellers to death.
The Egyptian curse of two ton car men strikes again.
happy001 happy001
Post by: Just One More on August 17, 2013, 01:55:07 PM
She says, "I'd take half, then leave you."
"Excellent," he replies, "I won £10 , here's £5 - now fuck off!"
Post by: apc2010 on August 17, 2013, 01:55:45 PM
A husband says to his wife, "What would you do if I won on the Lottery?"
She says, "I'd take half, then leave you."
"Excellent," he replies, "I won £10 , here's £5 - now fuck off!"
;D ;D
Post by: boogs on August 17, 2013, 02:10:53 PM
A husband says to his wife, "What would you do if I won on the Lottery?"
She says, "I'd take half, then leave you."
"Excellent," he replies, "I won £10 , here's £5 - now fuck off!"
;D ;D
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Steve on August 17, 2013, 02:36:46 PM
lol: lol: lol: lol:A husband says to his wife, "What would you do if I won on the Lottery?"
She says, "I'd take half, then leave you."
"Excellent," he replies, "I won £10 , here's £5 - now fuck off!"
;D ;D
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Barman on August 17, 2013, 03:27:32 PM
A husband says to his wife, "What would you do if I won on the Lottery?"
She says, "I'd take half, then leave you."
"Excellent," he replies, "I won £10 , here's £5 - now fuck off!"
AFFS.... ::)
Post by: Just One More on August 17, 2013, 05:08:29 PM
A husband says to his wife, "What would you do if I won on the Lottery?"
She says, "I'd take half, then leave you."
"Excellent," he replies, "I won £10 , here's £5 - now fuck off!"
AFFS.... ::)
Where rubschin: (But I do remember Bernard Manning telling it a few years back)
Post by: Uncle Mort on August 17, 2013, 05:15:18 PM
A husband says to his wife, "What would you do if I won on the Lottery?"
She says, "I'd take half, then leave you."
"Excellent," he replies, "I won £10 , here's £5 - now fuck off!"
AFFS.... ::)
Where rubschin: (But I do remember Bernard Manning telling it a few years back)
He's remembering a conversation with LL ;)
Post by: Just One More on August 17, 2013, 05:18:11 PM
Post by: Barman on August 17, 2013, 07:38:00 PM
A husband says to his wife, "What would you do if I won on the Lottery?"
She says, "I'd take half, then leave you."
"Excellent," he replies, "I won £10 , here's £5 - now fuck off!"
AFFS.... ::)
Where rubschin: (But I do remember Bernard Manning telling it a few years back)
He's remembering a conversation with LL ;)
happy001
Post by: apc2010 on August 19, 2013, 04:36:02 PM
She said, "You may not feel anything from the waist down."
"Fair enough," I replied, groping her breasts..........
Post by: boogs on August 19, 2013, 04:39:07 PM
After my accident, I woke up in hospital with a sexy nurse standing over me.
She said, "You may not feel anything from the waist down."
"Fair enough," I replied, groping her breasts..........
AFFS lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Barman on August 19, 2013, 05:50:46 PM
After my accident, I woke up in hospital with a sexy nurse standing over me.
She said, "You may not feel anything from the waist down."
"Fair enough," I replied, groping her breasts..........
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Just One More on August 19, 2013, 06:04:33 PM
Post by: Steve on August 19, 2013, 07:38:46 PM
Post by: apc2010 on August 20, 2013, 07:43:50 AM
Could be a Chinese Wispa..........’
Post by: Nick on August 20, 2013, 07:46:08 AM
Post by: Baldy on August 20, 2013, 08:13:23 AM
I listen to Radio 4 too whistle:
Thumbs:
Post by: Steve on August 20, 2013, 09:20:40 AM
lol:I listen to Radio 4 too whistle:
Thumbs:
Still a good joke so someone had to post it so :thumbsup: :thumbsup: :thumbsup:
Post by: apc2010 on August 20, 2013, 09:24:26 AM
lol:I listen to Radio 4 too whistle:
Thumbs:
Still a good joke so someone had to post it so :thumbsup: :thumbsup: :thumbsup:
Thank you ...... Thumbs:
Post by: boogs on August 20, 2013, 01:57:20 PM
‘I heard a rumour that Cadbury is bringing out an oriental chocolate bar.....
Could be a Chinese Wispa..........’
It was on radio 2 at 5:20 this morning eeek:
Post by: apc2010 on August 21, 2013, 09:39:13 PM
I thought I'd dug up an unknown species of dinosaur in my back garden.
Excitedly I phoned the Natural History Museum, but it turned out to be a fossil arm..........
Post by: Steve on August 21, 2013, 09:49:18 PM
This one wasn't on the fucking radio ....ok........and now you know why it wasn't on the radio
I thought I'd dug up an unknown species of dinosaur in my back garden.
Excitedly I phoned the Natural History Museum, but it turned out to be a fossil arm..........
groannnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn Banghead
Post by: Baldy on August 21, 2013, 11:41:02 PM
This one wasn't on the fucking radio ....ok........
I thought I'd dug up an unknown species of dinosaur in my back garden.
Excitedly I phoned the Natural History Museum, but it turned out to be a fossil arm..........
tunble:
Post by: Barman on August 22, 2013, 06:24:29 AM
This one wasn't on the fucking radio ....ok........
I thought I'd dug up an unknown species of dinosaur in my back garden.
Excitedly I phoned the Natural History Museum, but it turned out to be a fossil arm..........
tunble: tunble:
Post by: boogs on August 22, 2013, 02:11:16 PM
This one wasn't on the fucking radio ....ok........
I thought I'd dug up an unknown species of dinosaur in my back garden.
Excitedly I phoned the Natural History Museum, but it turned out to be a fossil arm..........
eeek: eeek: Shrugs:
Post by: Steve on August 23, 2013, 08:47:11 PM
I just failed my interview for a sales job. They asked me to describe what techniques I use to turn a "No" into a "Yes."
Apparently Rohypnol isn't an appropriate example.
Post by: boogs on August 23, 2013, 09:08:57 PM
from Spidey elsewhere (no not there)
I just failed my interview for a sales job. They asked me to describe what techniques I use to turn a "No" into a "Yes."
Apparently Rohypnol isn't an appropriate example.
lol: lol:
Post by: Barman on August 24, 2013, 06:14:04 AM
from Spidey elsewhere (no not there)
I just failed my interview for a sales job. They asked me to describe what techniques I use to turn a "No" into a "Yes."
Apparently Rohypnol isn't an appropriate example.
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: boogs on August 24, 2013, 10:37:01 AM
A Catholic boy in confession says, “Bless me Father, I have sinned, I masturbated while thinking about my sister.”. "That's a disgrace,” said the priest, “especially when you have two gorgeous younger brothers.”
My sister-in-law sat on my glasses and broke them. It was my own fault. I should have taken them off.
I spent a couple of hours defrosting the fridge last night, or "foreplay" as she likes to call it.
After both suffering from depression for a while, me and the wife were going to commit suicide yesterday. But strangely enough, once she killed herself, I started to feel a lot better. So I thought, “Fuck it, soldier on.”
I woke up this morning at 8 and could smell something was wrong. I got downstairs and found the wife face down on the kitchen floor, not breathing. I panicked. I didn't know what to do. Then I remembered McDonald’s serves breakfast until 11:30.
Bought the missus a hamster skin coat last week. Took her to the fair last night, and it took me 3 hours to get her off the Ferris wheel.
My missus packed my bags, and as I walked out the front door, she screamed, "I wish you a slow and painful death, you bastard!" "Oh," I replied, "so now you want me to stay."
A girl I know said the last time she had sex, it was like the men's Olympic 100 meter final. I laughed, "Over in 9.5 seconds?" "No," she said, "Eight black men and a gun."
A government survey has shown that 91% of illegal immigrants come to this country so that they can see their own doctor.
I've just installed strobe lights in the bedroom. It makes the wife look like she's moving during sex.
Post by: Barman on August 24, 2013, 11:54:05 AM
Some AFFS but I'll allow it.... whistle:
Post by: Steve on August 24, 2013, 11:57:17 AM
Post by: apc2010 on August 24, 2013, 04:31:27 PM
Did you know that you can actually TRIPLE the battery life on your smart phone by putting the fucking thing down..........
Post by: Barman on August 24, 2013, 05:12:26 PM
Did you know that you can actually TRIPLE the battery life on your smart phone by putting the fucking thing down..........
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Just One More on August 24, 2013, 11:18:55 PM
Post by: Steve on August 25, 2013, 08:02:49 AM
happy001
Did you know that you can actually TRIPLE the battery life on your smart phone by putting the fucking thing down..........
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Just One More on August 27, 2013, 06:48:10 PM
Two cowboys applied for the job. One was gay and the other a drunk. She thought long and hard about it, and when no one else applied she decided to hire the gay guy, figuring it would be safer to have him around the house than the drunk.
He proved to be a hard worker who put in long hours every day and knew a lot about ranching.
For weeks, the two of them worked, and the ranch was doing very well. Then one day, the rancher's widow said to the hired hand, "You have done a really good job, and the ranch looks great. You should go into town and kick up your heels." The hired hand readily agreed and went into town one Saturday night.
One o'clock came, however, and he didn't return.
Two o'clock and no hired hand.
Finally he returned a round two-thirty, and upon entering the room, he found the rancher's widow sitting by the fireplace with a glass of wine, waiting for him.
She quietly called him over to her..
"Unbutton my blouse and take it off," she said.
Trembling, he did as she directed. "Now take off my boots."
He did as she asked, ever so slowly.. "Now take off my socks."
He removed each gently and placed them neatly by her boots.
"Now take off my skirt."
He slowly unbuttoned it, constantly watching her eyes in the fire light. "Now take off my bra.." Again, with trembling hands, he did as he was told and dropped it to the floor.
Then she looked at him and said, "If you ever wear my clothes into town again, you're fired."
Post by: boogs on August 27, 2013, 07:23:35 PM
She was a very good-looking woman and determined to keep the ranch, but knew very little about ranching, so she decided to place an ad in the newspaper for a ranch hand.
Two cowboys applied for the job. One was gay and the other a drunk. She thought long and hard about it, and when no one else applied she decided to hire the gay guy, figuring it would be safer to have him around the house than the drunk.
He proved to be a hard worker who put in long hours every day and knew a lot about ranching.
For weeks, the two of them worked, and the ranch was doing very well. Then one day, the rancher's widow said to the hired hand, "You have done a really good job, and the ranch looks great. You should go into town and kick up your heels." The hired hand readily agreed and went into town one Saturday night.
One o'clock came, however, and he didn't return.
Two o'clock and no hired hand.
Finally he returned a round two-thirty, and upon entering the room, he found the rancher's widow sitting by the fireplace with a glass of wine, waiting for him.
She quietly called him over to her..
"Unbutton my blouse and take it off," she said.
Trembling, he did as she directed. "Now take off my boots."
He did as she asked, ever so slowly.. "Now take off my socks."
He removed each gently and placed them neatly by her boots.
"Now take off my skirt."
He slowly unbuttoned it, constantly watching her eyes in the fire light. "Now take off my bra.." Again, with trembling hands, he did as he was told and dropped it to the floor.
Then she looked at him and said, "If you ever wear my clothes into town again, you're fired."
lol: lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Steve on August 27, 2013, 08:19:37 PM
happy001She was a very good-looking woman and determined to keep the ranch, but knew very little about ranching, so she decided to place an ad in the newspaper for a ranch hand.
Two cowboys applied for the job. One was gay and the other a drunk. She thought long and hard about it, and when no one else applied she decided to hire the gay guy, figuring it would be safer to have him around the house than the drunk.
He proved to be a hard worker who put in long hours every day and knew a lot about ranching.
For weeks, the two of them worked, and the ranch was doing very well. Then one day, the rancher's widow said to the hired hand, "You have done a really good job, and the ranch looks great. You should go into town and kick up your heels." The hired hand readily agreed and went into town one Saturday night.
One o'clock came, however, and he didn't return.
Two o'clock and no hired hand.
Finally he returned a round two-thirty, and upon entering the room, he found the rancher's widow sitting by the fireplace with a glass of wine, waiting for him.
She quietly called him over to her..
"Unbutton my blouse and take it off," she said.
Trembling, he did as she directed. "Now take off my boots."
He did as she asked, ever so slowly.. "Now take off my socks."
He removed each gently and placed them neatly by her boots.
"Now take off my skirt."
He slowly unbuttoned it, constantly watching her eyes in the fire light. "Now take off my bra.." Again, with trembling hands, he did as he was told and dropped it to the floor.
Then she looked at him and said, "If you ever wear my clothes into town again, you're fired."
lol: lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Barman on August 28, 2013, 07:19:32 AM
She was a very good-looking woman and determined to keep the ranch, but knew very little about ranching, so she decided to place an ad in the newspaper for a ranch hand.
Two cowboys applied for the job. One was gay and the other a drunk. She thought long and hard about it, and when no one else applied she decided to hire the gay guy, figuring it would be safer to have him around the house than the drunk.
He proved to be a hard worker who put in long hours every day and knew a lot about ranching.
For weeks, the two of them worked, and the ranch was doing very well. Then one day, the rancher's widow said to the hired hand, "You have done a really good job, and the ranch looks great. You should go into town and kick up your heels." The hired hand readily agreed and went into town one Saturday night.
One o'clock came, however, and he didn't return.
Two o'clock and no hired hand.
Finally he returned a round two-thirty, and upon entering the room, he found the rancher's widow sitting by the fireplace with a glass of wine, waiting for him.
She quietly called him over to her..
"Unbutton my blouse and take it off," she said.
Trembling, he did as she directed. "Now take off my boots."
He did as she asked, ever so slowly.. "Now take off my socks."
He removed each gently and placed them neatly by her boots.
"Now take off my skirt."
He slowly unbuttoned it, constantly watching her eyes in the fire light. "Now take off my bra.." Again, with trembling hands, he did as he was told and dropped it to the floor.
Then she looked at him and said, "If you ever wear my clothes into town again, you're fired."
lol: lol: lol:
(C) Dave Allen 1976
Post by: apc2010 on August 28, 2013, 12:40:07 PM
It's nothing to write house about.........
Post by: Nick on August 28, 2013, 12:41:47 PM
Post by: Barman on August 28, 2013, 12:43:51 PM
I bought a new thesaurus today.
It's nothing to write house about.........
happy001
Post by: Darwins Selection on August 28, 2013, 03:34:10 PM
I bought a new thesaurus today.lol: lol:
It's nothing to write house about.........
Post by: boogs on August 28, 2013, 03:47:23 PM
I bought a new thesaurus today.
It's nothing to write house about.........
lol: lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Just One More on August 28, 2013, 05:02:57 PM
Post by: Steve on August 28, 2013, 07:54:16 PM
I bought a new thesaurus today.
It's nothing to write house about.........
lol: happy002 happy001
Post by: Baldy on August 29, 2013, 05:53:47 AM
I bought a new thesaurus today.
It's nothing to write house about.........
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: apc2010 on August 30, 2013, 10:30:30 AM
If we invade another Middle Eastern country they think it would be even Syria.....
redface:
Post by: Barman on August 30, 2013, 11:27:25 AM
When the UK invaded Afghanistan the Chinese thought it was a really stupid thing to do.....
If we invade another Middle Eastern country they think it would be even Syria.....
redface:
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Darwins Selection on August 30, 2013, 12:05:06 PM
lol: lol: lol: lol:When the UK invaded Afghanistan the Chinese thought it was a really stupid thing to do.....
If we invade another Middle Eastern country they think it would be even Syria.....
redface:
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Barman on August 30, 2013, 01:43:25 PM
“Take this, all of you, and eat it, for this is my body.”
He then proceeds to bless the wine and says,
“Take this, all of you, and drink it, for this is my blood.”
Finally, he picks up the milk, but Peter looks at him and says,
“You can fuck off right off.”
Post by: Steve on August 30, 2013, 01:45:23 PM
At the last supper, Jesus takes the bread, blesses it, and says,lol: lol: lol:
“Take this, all of you, and eat it, for this is my body.”
He then proceeds to bless the wine and says,
“Take this, all of you, and drink it, for this is my blood.”
Finally, he picks up the milk, but Peter looks at him and says,
“You can fuck off right off.”
Post by: Just One More on August 30, 2013, 05:25:54 PM
When the UK invaded Afghanistan the Chinese thought it was a really stupid thing to do.....
If we invade another Middle Eastern country they think it would be even Syria.....
redface:
lol: lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Just One More on August 30, 2013, 05:26:25 PM
At the last supper, Jesus takes the bread, blesses it, and says,
“Take this, all of you, and eat it, for this is my body.”
He then proceeds to bless the wine and says,
“Take this, all of you, and drink it, for this is my blood.”
Finally, he picks up the milk, but Peter looks at him and says,
“You can fuck off right off.”
lol: lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Baldy on August 30, 2013, 08:58:27 PM
At the last supper, Jesus takes the bread, blesses it, and says,
“Take this, all of you, and eat it, for this is my body.”
He then proceeds to bless the wine and says,
“Take this, all of you, and drink it, for this is my blood.”
Finally, he picks up the milk, but Peter looks at him and says,
“You can fuck off right off.”
lol: lol: lol: lol: lol:
Post by: apc2010 on September 03, 2013, 02:46:07 PM
She looks like a toaster,
She walks like a toaster,
She talks like a toaster,
And I know why...
She's a Breville in disguise..........
redface: redface:
Post by: boogs on September 03, 2013, 06:09:37 PM
She looks like a toaster,
She walks like a toaster,
She talks like a toaster,
And I know why...
She's a Breville in disguise..........
redface: redface:
AFFS noooo:
Post by: Baldy on September 03, 2013, 10:40:02 PM
She looks like a toaster,
She walks like a toaster,
She talks like a toaster,
And I know why...
She's a Breville in disguise..........
redface: redface:
tunble:
Post by: Barman on September 04, 2013, 05:24:36 AM
She looks like a toaster,
She walks like a toaster,
She talks like a toaster,
And I know why...
She's a Breville in disguise..........
redface: redface:
tunble:
tunble: tunble:
Post by: Marley's Ghost (Imbiber of Spirits) on September 05, 2013, 08:11:24 AM
She looks like a toaster,
She walks like a toaster,
She talks like a toaster,
And I know why...
She's a Breville in disguise..........
redface: redface:
tunble:
tunble: tunble:
sadsmiley30: sadsmiley30: sadsmiley30:
Post by: Darwins Selection on September 05, 2013, 08:47:40 AM
sleep017 sleep017 sleep017
She looks like a toaster,
She walks like a toaster,
She talks like a toaster,
And I know why...
She's a Breville in disguise..........
redface: redface:
tunble:
tunble: tunble:
sadsmiley30: sadsmiley30: sadsmiley30:
Post by: apc2010 on September 06, 2013, 11:39:53 AM
Cork man drowns........... rubschin:
Post by: Barman on September 06, 2013, 12:23:45 PM
Irish news......
Cork man drowns........... rubschin:
happy001
Post by: Just One More on September 06, 2013, 05:16:58 PM
Post by: boogs on September 06, 2013, 09:46:25 PM
Irish news......
Cork man drowns........... rubschin:
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Darwins Selection on September 07, 2013, 01:35:49 PM
lol: lol: lol: lol:Irish news......
Cork man drowns........... rubschin:
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: apc2010 on September 17, 2013, 11:57:52 AM
That's probably why when you go to the doctors surgery they keep you waiting so fucking long..........
Post by: Barman on September 17, 2013, 02:40:27 PM
They say time is a great healer.........
That's probably why when you go to the doctors surgery they keep you waiting so fucking long..........
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Baldy on September 17, 2013, 03:48:39 PM
They say time is a great healer.........
That's probably why when you go to the doctors surgery they keep you waiting so fucking long..........
lol: lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Nick on September 17, 2013, 03:58:40 PM
Post by: Steve on September 17, 2013, 07:05:09 PM
happy001They say time is a great healer.........
That's probably why when you go to the doctors surgery they keep you waiting so fucking long..........
lol: lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Tipsy Gipsy on September 17, 2013, 07:58:21 PM
They say time is a great healer.........
That's probably why when you go to the doctors surgery they keep you waiting so fucking long..........
lol:
Post by: Barman on September 20, 2013, 03:01:09 PM
“Why am I being singled out?” I asked, motioning to the other people waiting there.
“Why? Because none of them have a sign saying ‘Fuck off back to your own country’. That’s why.”
Post by: Steve on September 20, 2013, 06:38:50 PM
I was stood at the airport International Arrivals gate holding up my sign, when security approached and asked me to leave.happy002
“Why am I being singled out?” I asked, motioning to the other people waiting there.
“Why? Because none of them have a sign saying ‘Fuck off back to your own country’. That’s why.”
Post by: Baldy on September 20, 2013, 07:22:01 PM
I was stood at the airport International Arrivals gate holding up my sign, when security approached and asked me to leave.
“Why am I being singled out?” I asked, motioning to the other people waiting there.
“Why? Because none of them have a sign saying ‘Fuck off back to your own country’. That’s why.”
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Just One More on September 22, 2013, 06:34:21 AM
Post by: Steve on September 22, 2013, 08:51:10 AM
Apparently Glen Campbell's got Alzheimer's. He's been getting cards and letters from people he don't even know.happy001
but a bit sad too
Post by: Just One More on September 22, 2013, 10:05:13 AM
Post by: Nick on September 22, 2013, 10:06:30 AM
Post by: Barman on September 22, 2013, 10:23:40 AM
Agreed, I didn't realise he actually had it until checking just now redface:
happy001
Post by: apc2010 on September 22, 2013, 11:38:23 PM
Prince Andrew's never regretted getting rid of Fergie..........
Post by: Baldy on September 22, 2013, 11:39:36 PM
What's the difference between Prince Andrew and Manchester United?
Prince Andrew's never regretted getting rid of Fergie..........
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: boogs on September 22, 2013, 11:48:57 PM
What's the difference between Prince Andrew and Manchester United?
Prince Andrew's never regretted getting rid of Fergie..........
::)
Post by: apc2010 on September 22, 2013, 11:50:13 PM
So the media say GTA V will cause players to commit crime.......
Bullshit, I watch Coronation Street and I'm not a paedophile........
Post by: Baldy on September 22, 2013, 11:51:55 PM
So the media say GTA V will cause players to commit crime.......
Bullshit, I watch Coronation Street and I'm not a paedophile........
happy001
Post by: boogs on September 22, 2013, 11:53:39 PM
So the media say GTA V will cause players to commit crime.......
Bullshit, I watch Coronation Street and I'm not a paedophile........
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Barman on September 23, 2013, 05:09:25 AM
So the media say GTA V will cause players to commit crime.......
Bullshit, I watch Coronation Street and I'm not a paedophile........
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: apc2010 on September 28, 2013, 05:43:42 PM
Apparently 'Usually in HD' wasn't the answer they were looking for........ redface:
Post by: Barman on September 28, 2013, 05:49:05 PM
Some one asked me how people view lesbians in my country..........
Apparently 'Usually in HD' wasn't the answer they were looking for........ redface:
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Steve on September 28, 2013, 05:58:17 PM
happy001Some one asked me how people view lesbians in my country..........
Apparently 'Usually in HD' wasn't the answer they were looking for........ redface:
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Baldy on September 28, 2013, 08:05:00 PM
Post by: apc2010 on September 30, 2013, 03:35:11 PM
Is it right that gay men can marry each other now, yet I'm not legally allowed to marry my girlfriend, just because she's only seven years old?
Looks like we'll have to make do with a Savile partnership...............
Post by: Barman on September 30, 2013, 03:58:34 PM
Is it right that gay men can marry each other now, yet I'm not legally allowed to marry my girlfriend, just because she's only seven years old?
Looks like we'll have to make do with a Savile partnership...............
tunble:
Post by: apc2010 on September 30, 2013, 04:11:20 PM
Is it right that gay men can marry each other now, yet I'm not legally allowed to marry my girlfriend, just because she's only seven years old?
Looks like we'll have to make do with a Savile partnership...............
tunble:
Hat coat.......... cussing:
Post by: apc2010 on October 09, 2013, 02:39:35 PM
They put a Texan in charge and they went looking for oil......
They placed a black man in charge,
now it's run out of money and it's stopped working........
Post by: Barman on October 09, 2013, 04:08:56 PM
Americans are great at proving stereotypes with their government,
They put a Texan in charge and they went looking for oil......
They placed a black man in charge,
now it's run out of money and it's stopped working........
lol: lol: lol:
Wot is up wiv your eyes like....? rubschin:
Post by: Baldy on October 10, 2013, 06:42:25 AM
Americans are great at proving stereotypes with their government,
They put a Texan in charge and they went looking for oil......
They placed a black man in charge,
now it's run out of money and it's stopped working........
lol: lol: lol: lol:
Post by: The Moan Ranger on October 10, 2013, 07:47:34 AM
With no oil and innocent children to kill, why would the Americans go there?
Post by: Barman on October 10, 2013, 07:54:38 AM
The moon landing is probably fake.
With no oil and innocent children to kill, why would the Americans go there?
lol:
Post by: Baldy on October 10, 2013, 11:59:27 AM
The moon landing is probably fake.
With no oil and innocent children to kill, why would the Americans go there?
lol: lol:
Post by: Just One More on October 12, 2013, 01:06:10 PM
"When I was 20, I was curious about it. When I was 30, I enjoyed it. When I was 40, I demanded it. When I was 50, I paid for it. When I was 60, I prayed for it. When I was 70, I forgot about it. And now that I'm 80, the damn things are growing wild, and I'm too old to squat
Post by: Barman on October 12, 2013, 01:12:31 PM
A body-builder was admiring his body in the mirror when he noticed he was sun tanned everywhere but his penis. So, he went to the beach, naked, and buried himself in the sand with only his penis sticking out. Two elderly ladies walked by and saw this penis sticking out of the sand. One of them moved it around with her cane. She said to her friend, "There isn't any justice in this world." Her friend asked her what she meant.
"When I was 20, I was curious about it. When I was 30, I enjoyed it. When I was 40, I demanded it. When I was 50, I paid for it. When I was 60, I prayed for it. When I was 70, I forgot about it. And now that I'm 80, the damn things are growing wild, and I'm too old to squat
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Just One More on October 12, 2013, 01:33:57 PM
Post by: Steve on October 12, 2013, 01:36:48 PM
happy001A body-builder was admiring his body in the mirror when he noticed he was sun tanned everywhere but his penis. So, he went to the beach, naked, and buried himself in the sand with only his penis sticking out. Two elderly ladies walked by and saw this penis sticking out of the sand. One of them moved it around with her cane. She said to her friend, "There isn't any justice in this world." Her friend asked her what she meant.
"When I was 20, I was curious about it. When I was 30, I enjoyed it. When I was 40, I demanded it. When I was 50, I paid for it. When I was 60, I prayed for it. When I was 70, I forgot about it. And now that I'm 80, the damn things are growing wild, and I'm too old to squat
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Barman on October 12, 2013, 01:49:28 PM
A major hurricane is about to hit India, so if anyone needs to call their bank or cable/internet company, do it soon.
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: apc2010 on October 16, 2013, 01:00:39 PM
I wonder who it will be.......... rubschin:
Post by: Barman on October 16, 2013, 02:51:34 PM
Prison is apparently only one star away from being a Butlins holiday camp....
I wonder who it will be.......... rubschin:
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Nick on October 16, 2013, 02:52:26 PM
Post by: Marley's Ghost (Imbiber of Spirits) on October 17, 2013, 11:37:34 AM
Website chat assistant: Your password has expired - you must register a
new one.
User: Why do I need a new one as that one was working fine?
Website: You must get a new one as they automatically expire every 30 days.
User: Can I use the old one and just re-register it?
Website: No, you must get a new one.
User: I don't want a new one as that is one more thing for me to remember.
Website: Sorry, you must get a new one.
User: OK, roses
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User: Pretty roses
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User: 1 pretty rose
Website: You cannot use blank spaces.
User: 1prettyrose
Website: You must use additional letters.
User: 1****ingprettyrose
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User: 1****INGprettyrose
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User: 1****ingprettyroseshovedupyourassifyoudon'tgivemeaccessright****ingnow
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(Shamelessly nicked from elsewhere . . .)
Post by: Nick on October 17, 2013, 11:38:25 AM
Post by: Marley's Ghost (Imbiber of Spirits) on October 21, 2013, 08:09:15 AM
AFFS cussing:
DILLIGAF
Post by: boogs on October 21, 2013, 11:19:05 AM
of an airplane.
The woman sneezed, took out a tissue, gently wiped her nose, then visibly
shuddered
for ten to fifteen seconds.
The man went back to his reading. A few minutes later, the woman sneezed
again,
took a tissue, wiped her nose, then shuddered violently once more.
Assuming that the woman might have a cold, the man was still curious about
the shuddering. A few more minutes passed when the woman sneezed yet again.
As before, she took a tissue, wiped her nose, her body shaking even more
than before.
Unable to restrain his curiosity, the man turned to the woman and said, "I
couldn't help but notice that you've sneezed three times, wiped your nose
and then shuddered violently. Are you OK?"
"I am sorry if I disturbed you, I have a very rare medical condition;
whenever I sneeze I have an orgasm."
The man, more than a bit embarrassed, was still curious. "I have never heard
of that condition before" he said. "Are you taking anything for it?"
The woman nodded, "Pepper." whistle:
Post by: Barman on October 21, 2013, 11:20:46 AM
A man and a woman were sitting beside each other in the first class section
of an airplane.
The woman sneezed, took out a tissue, gently wiped her nose, then visibly
shuddered
for ten to fifteen seconds.
The man went back to his reading. A few minutes later, the woman sneezed
again,
took a tissue, wiped her nose, then shuddered violently once more.
Assuming that the woman might have a cold, the man was still curious about
the shuddering. A few more minutes passed when the woman sneezed yet again.
As before, she took a tissue, wiped her nose, her body shaking even more
than before.
Unable to restrain his curiosity, the man turned to the woman and said, "I
couldn't help but notice that you've sneezed three times, wiped your nose
and then shuddered violently. Are you OK?"
"I am sorry if I disturbed you, I have a very rare medical condition;
whenever I sneeze I have an orgasm."
The man, more than a bit embarrassed, was still curious. "I have never heard
of that condition before" he said. "Are you taking anything for it?"
The woman nodded, "Pepper." whistle:
lol:
Post by: boogs on October 21, 2013, 11:22:33 AM
Jim accidentally dropped some cards on the floor.
When he bent down under the Table to pick them up
he noticed Bob's wife, Marion, wasn't wearing any underwear
under her dress! Shocked by this, Jim, upon trying to sit back up again, hit
his head on the table and emerged red-faced.
Later, Jim went to the kitchen to get some refreshments. Bob's wife
followed and asked, 'Did you see anything that you like under there?'
Surprised by her boldness, Jim admitted that, well, indeed he did.
She said, 'Well, you can have it but it will cost you
£500. After taking a minute or two to assess the financial
/and moral costs of this offer, Jim confirms that he is interested.
Marion told him that since her husband Bob worked Friday afternoons
and Jim didn't, Jim should be at her house around 2 p.m. Friday afternoon.
When Friday rolled around, Jim showed up at Bob's house at 2 p.m.
Sharp - and after paying Marion the agreed sum of £500 - they went
to the bedroom and closed their transaction, as agreed.
Jim quickly dressed and left.
As usual, Bob came home from work at 6 p.m. and upon arriving,
asked his wife: 'Did Jim come by the house this afternoon?'
With a lump in her throat Marion answered 'Why yes,
he did stop by for a few minutes this afternoon.'
Her heart nearly skipped a beat when her husband curtly asked,
‘and did he give you £500?'
Marion, using her best poker face, replied,
'Well, yes, in fact he did give me £500.'
Bob, with a satisfied look on his face, surprised his wife by saying,
'He came by the office this morning and borrowed £500 from me.
He promised he'd stop by our house this afternoon
on his way home and pay me back.'
Now THAT, my friends, is a poker player
Thumbs:
Post by: Steve on October 21, 2013, 10:39:44 PM
Two couples were playing poker one evening.:thumbsup: happy001
Jim accidentally dropped some cards on the floor.
When he bent down under the Table to pick them up
he noticed Bob's wife, Marion, wasn't wearing any underwear
under her dress! Shocked by this, Jim, upon trying to sit back up again, hit
his head on the table and emerged red-faced.
Later, Jim went to the kitchen to get some refreshments. Bob's wife
followed and asked, 'Did you see anything that you like under there?'
Surprised by her boldness, Jim admitted that, well, indeed he did.
She said, 'Well, you can have it but it will cost you
£500. After taking a minute or two to assess the financial
/and moral costs of this offer, Jim confirms that he is interested.
Marion told him that since her husband Bob worked Friday afternoons
and Jim didn't, Jim should be at her house around 2 p.m. Friday afternoon.
When Friday rolled around, Jim showed up at Bob's house at 2 p.m.
Sharp - and after paying Marion the agreed sum of £500 - they went
to the bedroom and closed their transaction, as agreed.
Jim quickly dressed and left.
As usual, Bob came home from work at 6 p.m. and upon arriving,
asked his wife: 'Did Jim come by the house this afternoon?'
With a lump in her throat Marion answered 'Why yes,
he did stop by for a few minutes this afternoon.'
Her heart nearly skipped a beat when her husband curtly asked,
‘and did he give you £500?'
Marion, using her best poker face, replied,
'Well, yes, in fact he did give me £500.'
Bob, with a satisfied look on his face, surprised his wife by saying,
'He came by the office this morning and borrowed £500 from me.
He promised he'd stop by our house this afternoon
on his way home and pay me back.'
Now THAT, my friends, is a poker player
Thumbs:
Post by: Baldy on October 24, 2013, 07:20:13 AM
Post by: Barman on October 24, 2013, 07:23:01 AM
Sir Alex Ferguson's book is impossible to read ... Just when you think you've reached the end, another 5 pages suddenly appear.
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Steve on October 25, 2013, 01:04:58 PM
happy001Sir Alex Ferguson's book is impossible to read ... Just when you think you've reached the end, another 5 pages suddenly appear.
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: apc2010 on October 30, 2013, 11:44:49 PM
A pizza delivery driver has been stabbed to death after his last delivery....
Well it had to be, didn't it........... rubschin:
Post by: Baldy on October 31, 2013, 12:04:56 AM
A pizza delivery driver has been stabbed to death after his last delivery....
Well it had to be, didn't it........... rubschin:
lol: lol:
Post by: Barman on October 31, 2013, 06:35:19 AM
A pizza delivery driver has been stabbed to death after his last delivery....
Well it had to be, didn't it........... rubschin:
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: apc2010 on November 04, 2013, 08:44:20 PM
Zodiac signs can tell a lot about your personality.........
For instance, if you believe in them, you're an utter cunt...........
Post by: Barman on November 04, 2013, 09:06:17 PM
Zodiac signs can tell a lot about your personality.........
For instance, if you believe in them, you're an utter cunt...........
happy001
Post by: Baldy on November 04, 2013, 09:30:02 PM
Zodiac signs can tell a lot about your personality.........
For instance, if you believe in them, you're an utter cunt...........
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: apc2010 on November 07, 2013, 12:13:54 PM
Rumours of a food shortage at this year's Spoonerism Awards turned out to be a complete lack of pies........ redface:
Post by: Barman on November 07, 2013, 12:17:47 PM
Rumours of a food shortage at this year's Spoonerism Awards turned out to be a complete lack of pies........ redface:
lol: lol: lol:
I can almost hear Ronnie Barker reading it! Thumbs:
Post by: Baldy on November 07, 2013, 12:31:58 PM
Rumours of a food shortage at this year's Spoonerism Awards turned out to be a complete lack of pies........ redface:
lol: lol: lol:
I can almost hear Ronnie Barker reading it! Thumbs:
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Darwins Selection on November 07, 2013, 01:16:55 PM
lol: lol: lol: lol:
Rumours of a food shortage at this year's Spoonerism Awards turned out to be a complete lack of pies........ redface:
lol: lol: lol:
I can almost hear Ronnie Barker reading it! Thumbs:
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Steve on November 07, 2013, 01:52:57 PM
lol: lol: lol: lol: lol:lol: lol: lol: lol:
Rumours of a food shortage at this year's Spoonerism Awards turned out to be a complete lack of pies........ redface:
lol: lol: lol:
I can almost hear Ronnie Barker reading it! Thumbs:
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: apc2010 on November 07, 2013, 09:17:08 PM
Two directors were arguing about the use of children in a production. The first director wanted the children to blend into the forest as background, whereas the second director wanted to put the children into cow costumes......
I agreed with the first director, children should be scene and not herd....... redface:
Post by: Barman on November 07, 2013, 09:18:13 PM
Two directors were arguing about the use of children in a production. The first director wanted the children to blend into the forest as background, whereas the second director wanted to put the children into cow costumes......
I agreed with the first director, children should be scene and not herd....... redface:
tunble:
Post by: Baldy on November 07, 2013, 09:19:16 PM
Two directors were arguing about the use of children in a production. The first director wanted the children to blend into the forest as background, whereas the second director wanted to put the children into cow costumes......
I agreed with the first director, children should be scene and not herd....... redface:
noooo: noooo: noooo:
Post by: Barman on November 07, 2013, 09:20:14 PM
Post by: Baldy on November 07, 2013, 09:23:02 PM
* tears up ticket for stand-up night *
Quite so. Thumbs:
He is prolly going to do the Women's Institute night. noooo:
Post by: apc2010 on November 07, 2013, 09:23:42 PM
* tears up ticket for stand-up night *
It's hat, coat......... cussing:
Post by: Barman on November 07, 2013, 09:24:52 PM
* tears up ticket for stand-up night *
Quite so. Thumbs:
He is prolly going to do the Women's Institute night. noooo:
He might get a larf there like.... If they have been on the sherry..... noooo:
Post by: Baldy on November 07, 2013, 09:26:14 PM
* tears up ticket for stand-up night *
Quite so. Thumbs:
He is prolly going to do the Women's Institute night. noooo:
He might get a larf there like.... If they have been on the sherry..... noooo:
....and forget to replace the battery in their hearing aids.
Post by: Barman on November 07, 2013, 09:27:24 PM
* tears up ticket for stand-up night *
Quite so. Thumbs:
He is prolly going to do the Women's Institute night. noooo:
He might get a larf there like.... If they have been on the sherry..... noooo:
....and forget to replace the battery in their hearing aids.
... and they are all blind like....
Post by: Baldy on November 07, 2013, 09:31:13 PM
* tears up ticket for stand-up night *
Quite so. Thumbs:
He is prolly going to do the Women's Institute night. noooo:
He might get a larf there like.... If they have been on the sherry..... noooo:
....and forget to replace the battery in their hearing aids.
... and they are all blind like....
...with the Alzheimer's group on a discount.
Post by: apc2010 on November 07, 2013, 09:32:40 PM
BM once bought LL a dominatrix outfit..........
Also known as a wedding dress............ whistle:
Post by: Barman on November 07, 2013, 09:34:51 PM
* tears up ticket for stand-up night *
Quite so. Thumbs:
He is prolly going to do the Women's Institute night. noooo:
He might get a larf there like.... If they have been on the sherry..... noooo:
....and forget to replace the battery in their hearing aids.
... and they are all blind like....
...with the Alzheimer's group on a discount.
...and the gingers outing in the front row.... noooo:
Post by: Baldy on November 07, 2013, 09:35:54 PM
* tears up ticket for stand-up night *
Quite so. Thumbs:
He is prolly going to do the Women's Institute night. noooo:
He might get a larf there like.... If they have been on the sherry..... noooo:
....and forget to replace the battery in their hearing aids.
... and they are all blind like....
...with the Alzheimer's group on a discount.
...and the gingers outing in the front row.... noooo:
....with his favourite donkey.
Post by: apc2010 on November 07, 2013, 09:37:08 PM
* tears up ticket for stand-up night *
Quite so. Thumbs:
He is prolly going to do the Women's Institute night. noooo:
He might get a larf there like.... If they have been on the sherry..... noooo:
....and forget to replace the battery in their hearing aids.
... and they are all blind like....
...with the Alzheimer's group on a discount.
...and the gingers outing in the front row.... noooo:
....with his favourite donkey.
You got tickets....... rubschin:
Post by: Baldy on November 07, 2013, 09:38:23 PM
* tears up ticket for stand-up night *
Quite so. Thumbs:
He is prolly going to do the Women's Institute night. noooo:
He might get a larf there like.... If they have been on the sherry..... noooo:
....and forget to replace the battery in their hearing aids.
... and they are all blind like....
...with the Alzheimer's group on a discount.
...and the gingers outing in the front row.... noooo:
....with his favourite donkey.
You got tickets....... rubschin:
Nope......Sold out. Thumbs:
Post by: Barman on November 07, 2013, 10:07:01 PM
* tears up ticket for stand-up night *
Quite so. Thumbs:
He is prolly going to do the Women's Institute night. noooo:
He might get a larf there like.... If they have been on the sherry..... noooo:
....and forget to replace the battery in their hearing aids.
... and they are all blind like....
...with the Alzheimer's group on a discount.
...and the gingers outing in the front row.... noooo:
....with his favourite donkey.
You got tickets....... rubschin:
Nope......Sold out. Thumbs:
The WI and donkey sanctuary had a block booking....
Post by: Baldy on November 07, 2013, 10:23:13 PM
* tears up ticket for stand-up night *
Quite so. Thumbs:
He is prolly going to do the Women's Institute night. noooo:
He might get a larf there like.... If they have been on the sherry..... noooo:
....and forget to replace the battery in their hearing aids.
... and they are all blind like....
...with the Alzheimer's group on a discount.
...and the gingers outing in the front row.... noooo:
....with his favourite donkey.
You got tickets....... rubschin:
Nope......Sold out. Thumbs:
The WI and donkey sanctuary had a block booking....
....purchased all four tickets. Thumbs:
Post by: Barman on November 08, 2013, 05:55:46 AM
* tears up ticket for stand-up night *
Quite so. Thumbs:
He is prolly going to do the Women's Institute night. noooo:
He might get a larf there like.... If they have been on the sherry..... noooo:
....and forget to replace the battery in their hearing aids.
... and they are all blind like....
...with the Alzheimer's group on a discount.
...and the gingers outing in the front row.... noooo:
....with his favourite donkey.
You got tickets....... rubschin:
Nope......Sold out. Thumbs:
The WI and donkey sanctuary had a block booking....
....purchased all four tickets. Thumbs:
happy001
Post by: apc2010 on November 10, 2013, 09:02:22 PM
BBC reports that..........
"United States aid workers are flying in food"
"We want to help as much as possible" said one aid-worker from the cockpit of his Cornish pasty..........
Post by: Barman on November 10, 2013, 09:08:41 PM
The disaster in the Phillipines has left thousands homeless & hungry......
BBC reports that..........
"United States aid workers are flying in food"
"We want to help as much as possible" said one aid-worker from the cockpit of his Cornish pasty..........
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: boogs on November 10, 2013, 09:14:49 PM
The disaster in the Phillipines has left thousands homeless & hungry......
BBC reports that..........
"United States aid workers are flying in food"
"We want to help as much as possible" said one aid-worker from the cockpit of his Cornish pasty..........
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Steve on November 11, 2013, 12:39:45 AM
lol: lol: lol:The disaster in the Phillipines has left thousands homeless & hungry......
BBC reports that..........
"United States aid workers are flying in food"
"We want to help as much as possible" said one aid-worker from the cockpit of his Cornish pasty..........
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Just One More on November 15, 2013, 06:47:25 AM
'May I see the new baby?' I asked
'Not yet,' She said 'I'll make coffee and we can visit for a while first..'
Thirty minutes had passed, and I asked, 'May I see the new baby now?'
'No, not yet,' She said.
After another few minutes had elapsed,
I asked again, 'May I see the baby now?'
'No, not yet,' replied my friend.
Growing very impatient, I asked, 'Well, when can I see the baby?'
'WHEN HE CRIES!' she told me.
'WHEN HE CRIES?' I demanded. 'Why do I have to wait until he CRIES?'
'BECAUSE I FORGOT WHERE I PUT HIM,O.K.?'
Post by: Barman on November 15, 2013, 06:55:26 AM
With all the new technology regarding fertility recently, a 65-year-old friend of mine was able to give birth. When she was discharged from the hospital and went home, I went to visit.
'May I see the new baby?' I asked
'Not yet,' She said 'I'll make coffee and we can visit for a while first..'
Thirty minutes had passed, and I asked, 'May I see the new baby now?'
'No, not yet,' She said.
After another few minutes had elapsed,
I asked again, 'May I see the baby now?'
'No, not yet,' replied my friend.
Growing very impatient, I asked, 'Well, when can I see the baby?'
'WHEN HE CRIES!' she told me.
'WHEN HE CRIES?' I demanded. 'Why do I have to wait until he CRIES?'
'BECAUSE I FORGOT WHERE I PUT HIM,O.K.?'
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Darwins Selection on November 15, 2013, 01:00:28 PM
With all the new technology regarding fertility recently, a 65-year-old friend of mine was able to give birth. When she was discharged from the hospital and went home, I went to visit.lol: lol:
'May I see the new baby?' I asked
'Not yet,' She said 'I'll make coffee and we can visit for a while first..'
Thirty minutes had passed, and I asked, 'May I see the new baby now?'
'No, not yet,' She said.
After another few minutes had elapsed,
I asked again, 'May I see the baby now?'
'No, not yet,' replied my friend.
Growing very impatient, I asked, 'Well, when can I see the baby?'
'WHEN HE CRIES!' she told me.
'WHEN HE CRIES?' I demanded. 'Why do I have to wait until he CRIES?'
'BECAUSE I FORGOT WHERE I PUT HIM,O.K.?'
surrender:
Post by: boogs on November 15, 2013, 02:01:06 PM
With all the new technology regarding fertility recently, a 65-year-old friend of mine was able to give birth. When she was discharged from the hospital and went home, I went to visit.
'May I see the new baby?' I asked
'Not yet,' She said 'I'll make coffee and we can visit for a while first..'
Thirty minutes had passed, and I asked, 'May I see the new baby now?'
'No, not yet,' She said.
After another few minutes had elapsed,
I asked again, 'May I see the baby now?'
'No, not yet,' replied my friend.
Growing very impatient, I asked, 'Well, when can I see the baby?'
'WHEN HE CRIES!' she told me.
'WHEN HE CRIES?' I demanded. 'Why do I have to wait until he CRIES?'
'BECAUSE I FORGOT WHERE I PUT HIM,O.K.?'
happy001 happy001
Post by: Just One More on November 16, 2013, 09:44:00 AM
Nobody treats me like a mug
Post by: Nick on November 16, 2013, 09:47:31 AM
Post by: Just One More on November 16, 2013, 10:59:24 AM
Post by: boogs on November 16, 2013, 12:42:48 PM
There's a reason it is in the Hat, coat thread Finger:
lol: lol:
Post by: Landlady on November 16, 2013, 03:22:44 PM
Because her children weren't that bright whistle:
Post by: apc2010 on November 16, 2013, 04:00:29 PM
Why was the Mummy Glow-worm unhappy sad24:
Because her children weren't that bright whistle:
noooo: opened the crackers early....... noooo:
Post by: Landlady on November 19, 2013, 01:54:56 PM
What did the Buddhist say to the hot dog vendor?
Make me on with everything ;D
Post by: apc2010 on November 19, 2013, 01:58:57 PM
Especially for Apey cloud9:
What did the Buddhist say to the hot dog vendor?
Make me on with everything ;D
Thumbs:
it was someone's tag-line on here....... rubschin:
Post by: Barman on November 19, 2013, 02:17:53 PM
Especially for Apey cloud9:
What did the Buddhist say to the hot dog vendor?
Make me on with everything ;D
Thumbs:
it was someone's tag-line on here....... rubschin:
I thought it was an AFFS.... rubschin:
Post by: apc2010 on November 19, 2013, 02:23:13 PM
Especially for Apey cloud9:
What did the Buddhist say to the hot dog vendor?
Make me on with everything ;D
Thumbs:
it was someone's tag-line on here....... rubschin:
I thought it was an AFFS.... rubschin:
Pastis......... Thumbs:
Post by: Barman on November 19, 2013, 02:24:19 PM
Especially for Apey cloud9:
What did the Buddhist say to the hot dog vendor?
Make me on with everything ;D
Thumbs:
it was someone's tag-line on here....... rubschin:
I thought it was an AFFS.... rubschin:
Pastis......... Thumbs:
Thumbs:
Post by: apc2010 on November 20, 2013, 05:10:36 AM
Had to remind him that was why he was sacked from the Herald of Free Enterprise.......... noooo:
Post by: Barman on November 20, 2013, 06:37:39 AM
Talking to my Dad last night ..he was going on about remembering the days when you could bugger off and leave the doors open........
Had to remind him that was why he was sacked from the Herald of Free Enterprise.......... noooo:
happy001
Post by: Baldy on November 20, 2013, 06:53:23 AM
Talking to my Dad last night ..he was going on about remembering the days when you could bugger off and leave the doors open........
Had to remind him that was why he was sacked from the Herald of Free Enterprise.......... noooo:
lol: lol:
Post by: boogs on November 20, 2013, 10:44:32 AM
Talking to my Dad last night ..he was going on about remembering the days when you could bugger off and leave the doors open........
Had to remind him that was why he was sacked from the Herald of Free Enterprise.......... noooo:
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Darwins Selection on November 20, 2013, 02:52:21 PM
lol: lol: lol: lol:Talking to my Dad last night ..he was going on about remembering the days when you could bugger off and leave the doors open........
Had to remind him that was why he was sacked from the Herald of Free Enterprise.......... noooo:
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Just One More on November 20, 2013, 06:34:25 PM
Post by: apc2010 on November 20, 2013, 06:38:46 PM
An e-mail floods in... "Due to recent events, please delete pages 6 - 9, and 41 - 43 of this months "Phiilipino Brides Monthly"
;D ;D redface:
Post by: Just One More on November 20, 2013, 06:49:26 PM
Post by: Barman on November 20, 2013, 07:00:32 PM
An e-mail floods in... "Due to recent events, please delete pages 6 - 9, and 41 - 43 of this months "Phiilipino Brides Monthly"
happy001
Post by: Baldy on November 20, 2013, 07:59:05 PM
An e-mail floods in... "Due to recent events, please delete pages 6 - 9, and 41 - 43 of this months "Phiilipino Brides Monthly"
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: boogs on November 20, 2013, 08:33:33 PM
An e-mail floods in... "Due to recent events, please delete pages 6 - 9, and 41 - 43 of this months "Phiilipino Brides Monthly"
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: apc2010 on November 23, 2013, 10:16:02 PM
Ethiopia announced that it will ban pornography on the internet.........
That's a bit rich coming from a country that exposes the world to naked children every time a news camera is in the area.........
Post by: Barman on November 23, 2013, 10:16:43 PM
Ethiopia announced that it will ban pornography on the internet.........
That's a bit rich coming from a country that exposes the world to naked children every time a news camera is in the area.........
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: apc2010 on November 23, 2013, 10:40:30 PM
If my grandma knew how much I spent on her funeral she'd be spinning in her ditch............ noooo:
Post by: Barman on November 23, 2013, 10:59:44 PM
If my grandma knew how much I spent on her funeral she'd be spinning in her ditch............ noooo:
happy001
Post by: Baldy on November 24, 2013, 08:31:03 AM
If my grandma knew how much I spent on her funeral she'd be spinning in her ditch............ noooo:
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Just One More on November 24, 2013, 09:04:28 AM
Post by: apc2010 on November 24, 2013, 10:52:52 PM
BM replies 'I don't know! It's your f**king plane!!'.............
Post by: Barman on November 25, 2013, 06:43:07 AM
BM calls Easyjet to book a flight. The operator asks 'How many people are flying with you?'.........
BM replies 'I don't know! It's your f**king plane!!'.............
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Baldy on November 25, 2013, 08:52:06 AM
They turn a corner and see a sign that says, "Old Timers Pub - All drinks 20p."
They look at each other and then go in, thinking this is too good to be true.
The old man behind the bar says in a voice that carries across the room,
"Come on in and let me get you one ! What'll it be, gentlemen?"
There's a fully stocked bar, so each of the men (spoilt for choice
and no doubt still clinging to inflated memories of their youth)
orders a dry martini - shaken, not stirred. In no time at all the landlord
serves up four martinis and says, "That'll be 20p each, please."
The four guys stare at him for a moment, then at each other.
They can't believe their good luck.
They pay the 80p, enjoy their martinis, then order another round.
Again, four excellent martinis are produced,
with the bartender again saying, "That's 80p, please."
They pay up, but their curiosity is getting the better of them.
The drinks are excellent, yet it's costing less than £1 a round.
Finally one of them asks, "How can you afford to serve martinis
as good as these for a 20p a throw?"
"I'm a retired tailor," the landlord says, "and I always wanted to own a pub.
Last year I hit the Lottery Jackpot for £25 million and decided to open this place.
Every drink costs 20p - that's Wine, spirits, liqueurs, beer - they're all the same."
"Wow! That's what I call sharing your good fortune!" one of the men replies.>>
As the four of them sip at their martinis, they can't help noticing several
other people at the end of the bar who don't have any drinks in front of them
and haven't ordered anything the whole time they've been there.
Nodding at the men at the far end of the bar, one of the men asks the barman,
"With prices like yours, how come they're not drinking?"
The landlord says, "Simple. They're retired folk from Scotland.
They're waiting for Happy Hour when all drinks are half-price".
Post by: Steve on November 25, 2013, 11:28:24 AM
Four elderly gents are walking down a street in Manchester.happy001
They turn a corner and see a sign that says, "Old Timers Pub - All drinks 20p."
They look at each other and then go in, thinking this is too good to be true.
The old man behind the bar says in a voice that carries across the room,
"Come on in and let me get you one ! What'll it be, gentlemen?"
There's a fully stocked bar, so each of the men (spoilt for choice
and no doubt still clinging to inflated memories of their youth)
orders a dry martini - shaken, not stirred. In no time at all the landlord
serves up four martinis and says, "That'll be 20p each, please."
The four guys stare at him for a moment, then at each other.
They can't believe their good luck.
They pay the 80p, enjoy their martinis, then order another round.
Again, four excellent martinis are produced,
with the bartender again saying, "That's 80p, please."
They pay up, but their curiosity is getting the better of them.
The drinks are excellent, yet it's costing less than £1 a round.
Finally one of them asks, "How can you afford to serve martinis
as good as these for a 20p a throw?"
"I'm a retired tailor," the landlord says, "and I always wanted to own a pub.
Last year I hit the Lottery Jackpot for £25 million and decided to open this place.
Every drink costs 20p - that's Wine, spirits, liqueurs, beer - they're all the same."
"Wow! That's what I call sharing your good fortune!" one of the men replies.>>
As the four of them sip at their martinis, they can't help noticing several
other people at the end of the bar who don't have any drinks in front of them
and haven't ordered anything the whole time they've been there.
Nodding at the men at the far end of the bar, one of the men asks the barman,
"With prices like yours, how come they're not drinking?"
The landlord says, "Simple. They're retired folk from Scotland.
They're waiting for Happy Hour when all drinks are half-price".
Post by: Barman on November 25, 2013, 12:21:53 PM
Four elderly gents are walking down a street in Manchester.
They turn a corner and see a sign that says, "Old Timers Pub - All drinks 20p."
They look at each other and then go in, thinking this is too good to be true.
The old man behind the bar says in a voice that carries across the room,
"Come on in and let me get you one ! What'll it be, gentlemen?"
There's a fully stocked bar, so each of the men (spoilt for choice
and no doubt still clinging to inflated memories of their youth)
orders a dry martini - shaken, not stirred. In no time at all the landlord
serves up four martinis and says, "That'll be 20p each, please."
The four guys stare at him for a moment, then at each other.
They can't believe their good luck.
They pay the 80p, enjoy their martinis, then order another round.
Again, four excellent martinis are produced,
with the bartender again saying, "That's 80p, please."
They pay up, but their curiosity is getting the better of them.
The drinks are excellent, yet it's costing less than £1 a round.
Finally one of them asks, "How can you afford to serve martinis
as good as these for a 20p a throw?"
"I'm a retired tailor," the landlord says, "and I always wanted to own a pub.
Last year I hit the Lottery Jackpot for £25 million and decided to open this place.
Every drink costs 20p - that's Wine, spirits, liqueurs, beer - they're all the same."
"Wow! That's what I call sharing your good fortune!" one of the men replies.>>
As the four of them sip at their martinis, they can't help noticing several
other people at the end of the bar who don't have any drinks in front of them
and haven't ordered anything the whole time they've been there.
Nodding at the men at the far end of the bar, one of the men asks the barman,
"With prices like yours, how come they're not drinking?"
The landlord says, "Simple. They're retired folk from Scotland.
They're waiting for Happy Hour when all drinks are half-price".
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Just One More on November 25, 2013, 06:41:32 PM
Post by: apc2010 on November 29, 2013, 04:52:47 AM
Since then I've tried nicotine patches, hypnosis, cold turkey, gum and e-cigs, but to no avail........
Still, if the Government puts them in plain packaging I'll never touch another one.......... noooo:
should be in the commons...... rubschin:
Post by: Just One More on November 29, 2013, 05:50:32 AM
My friend Gav died yesterday from taking heart burn tablets, I can't believe gavisgon.
Post by: apc2010 on November 29, 2013, 05:54:41 AM
Warning... I'm going for the hat, coat, door post of the year with this one....
My friend Gav died yesterday from taking heart burn tablets, I can't believe gavisgon.
;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D could be a winner ........
Post by: Barman on November 29, 2013, 07:14:33 AM
Warning... I'm going for the hat, coat, door post of the year with this one....
My friend Gav died yesterday from taking heart burn tablets, I can't believe gavisgon.
happy001 Thumbs:
Post by: Barman on November 29, 2013, 07:15:06 AM
I've been smoking cigarettes since 1990
Since then I've tried nicotine patches, hypnosis, cold turkey, gum and e-cigs, but to no avail........
Still, if the Government puts them in plain packaging I'll never touch another one.......... noooo:
should be in the commons...... rubschin:
I think it should be.... lol:
Post by: Baldy on November 29, 2013, 08:20:37 AM
Warning... I'm going for the hat, coat, door post of the year with this one....
My friend Gav died yesterday from taking heart burn tablets, I can't believe gavisgon.
lol: lol: noooo:
Post by: Darwins Selection on November 29, 2013, 10:22:48 AM
Warning... I'm going for the hat, coat, door post of the year with this one....drumroll: doh:
My friend Gav died yesterday from taking heart burn tablets, I can't believe gavisgon.
Post by: Steve on November 29, 2013, 12:37:49 PM
happy001 happy002Warning... I'm going for the hat, coat, door post of the year with this one....drumroll: doh:
My friend Gav died yesterday from taking heart burn tablets, I can't believe gavisgon.
Post by: boogs on November 29, 2013, 09:09:56 PM
Warning... I'm going for the hat, coat, door post of the year with this one....
My friend Gav died yesterday from taking heart burn tablets, I can't believe gavisgon.
Classic lol: lol: lol:
Post by: apc2010 on November 30, 2013, 01:30:09 AM
Then to make matters worse a fucking helicopter crashed through the roof.....
Post by: Baldy on November 30, 2013, 01:33:18 AM
Was in a pub in Glasgow last night and it was utter chaos, Smoke everywhere, People screaming. Fighting ,spilled beer and men trampling each other in a blind panic to be free........
Then to make matters worse a fucking helicopter crashed through the roof.....
lol: lol:
Post by: apc2010 on November 30, 2013, 01:34:22 AM
Boogs is from Scotland often leaves a Huey all over the pub floor on a Friday night !................ whistle:
Post by: Baldy on November 30, 2013, 01:38:21 AM
Post by: apc2010 on November 30, 2013, 01:48:03 AM
I guess even the Scottish police force couldn't help but drop into the bar when they were supposed to be at work.......... noooo:
Post by: Baldy on November 30, 2013, 01:49:02 AM
I thought the Cypriot police drank a lot....... noooo:
I guess even the Scottish police force couldn't help but drop into the bar when they were supposed to be at work.......... noooo:
lol: noooo:
Post by: Barman on November 30, 2013, 07:20:07 AM
I thought the Cypriot police drank a lot....... noooo:
I guess even the Scottish police force couldn't help but drop into the bar when they were supposed to be at work.......... noooo:
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: The Moan Ranger on November 30, 2013, 09:54:34 AM
Hundreds of Scots leaving a pub before last orders.
Post by: Barman on November 30, 2013, 10:00:33 AM
Shocking news unfolding on our TV screens right now from Glasgow.
Hundreds of Scots leaving a pub before last orders.
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Steve on November 30, 2013, 10:54:38 AM
What a series of bad taste jokesShocking news unfolding on our TV screens right now from Glasgow.
Hundreds of Scots leaving a pub before last orders.
lol: lol: lol:
And all effin hilarious too thumbs:
happy001 happy001 happy001 embarrassed:
Post by: The Moan Ranger on November 30, 2013, 12:12:01 PM
Fortunately they managed to stop him after he only had time to finish the 'H'.
Post by: Barman on November 30, 2013, 12:13:30 PM
Police in Glasgow have confirmed they have arrested a man who climbed on the roof of a pub to paint 'HAPPY ST. ANDREWS DAY' in giant white letters.
Fortunately they managed to stop him after he only had time to finish the 'H'.
happy001
Post by: Darwins Selection on November 30, 2013, 01:10:20 PM
Police in Glasgow have confirmed they have arrested a man who climbed on the roof of a pub to paint 'HAPPY ST. ANDREWS DAY' in giant white letters.drumroll: drumroll:
Fortunately they managed to stop him after he only had time to finish the 'H'.
Post by: apc2010 on November 30, 2013, 03:45:05 PM
Post by: Baldy on November 30, 2013, 09:17:22 PM
Shocking news unfolding on our TV screens right now from Glasgow.
Hundreds of Scots leaving a pub before last orders.
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Steve on November 30, 2013, 11:52:30 PM
lol: lol: lol:Police in Glasgow have confirmed they have arrested a man who climbed on the roof of a pub to paint 'HAPPY ST. ANDREWS DAY' in giant white letters.
Fortunately they managed to stop him after he only had time to finish the 'H'.
happy001
Post by: Baldy on December 01, 2013, 11:26:59 AM
Police in Glasgow have confirmed they have arrested a man who climbed on the roof of a pub to paint 'HAPPY ST. ANDREWS DAY' in giant white letters.
Fortunately they managed to stop him after he only had time to finish the 'H'.
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Just One More on December 01, 2013, 11:11:39 PM
Post by: Nick on December 02, 2013, 11:14:00 AM
Post by: The Moan Ranger on December 02, 2013, 11:18:22 AM
A man walks into a psychiatrist’s office wearing only shorts made of plastic wrap. The shrink says, “Well, I can clearly see your ginger nuts.”
Personal experience, huh?
point:
Post by: Barman on December 02, 2013, 11:25:29 AM
Post by: apc2010 on December 02, 2013, 06:00:22 PM
wasn't expecting Tom Daley to come out!!
Post by: Just One More on December 02, 2013, 06:35:56 PM
A man walks into a psychiatrist’s office wearing only shorts made of plastic wrap. The shrink says, “Well, I can clearly see your nuts.”
No. 2 on the Tommy Cooper jokes like (http://www.virtual-pub.com/SMF/index.php?topic=128.msg900#msg900) whistle:
Six years and nearly seven months ago Shocked:
Who-TF was Jeremy? rubschin:
Post by: Just One More on December 02, 2013, 09:11:14 PM
Well... Opened the 2nd door of my advent calendar this morning..........
wasn't expecting Tom Daley to come out!!
The interviewer asked, "So why didn't you take up fencing as an Olympic sport Tom, instead of diving?"
"Because I'm a shit stabber", said Tom.
Post by: apc2010 on December 02, 2013, 09:19:21 PM
Well... Opened the 2nd door of my advent calendar this morning..........
wasn't expecting Tom Daley to come out!!
The interviewer asked, "So why didn't you take up fencing as an Olympic sport Tom, instead of diving?"
"Because I'm a shit stabber", said Tom.
;D ;D
Post by: apc2010 on December 02, 2013, 09:20:55 PM
Well... Opened the 2nd door of my advent calendar this morning..........
wasn't expecting Tom Daley to come out!!
The interviewer asked, "So why didn't you take up fencing as an Olympic sport Tom, instead of diving?"
"Because I'm a shit stabber", said Tom.
Britain's top diver is definitely going to be in the Daley Male tomorrow morning.........
Post by: Darwins Selection on December 02, 2013, 10:23:43 PM
No. 2 on the Tommy Cooper jokes like (http://www.virtual-pub.com/SMF/index.php?topic=128.msg900#msg900) whistle:
Who-TF was Jeremy? rubschin:
Christ knows, but he can come back any time.
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Barman on December 03, 2013, 07:30:30 AM
No. 2 on the Tommy Cooper jokes like (http://www.virtual-pub.com/SMF/index.php?topic=128.msg900#msg900) whistle:
Who-TF was Jeremy? rubschin:
Christ knows, but he can come back any time.
lol: lol: lol:
lol: lol: lol:
I don't remember him at all.... rubschin:
Post by: Barman on December 03, 2013, 09:14:41 AM
last night - but to be fair, the audience did try to warn him.
Post by: apc2010 on December 03, 2013, 09:22:59 AM
The lead actor in the local pantomime production of Aladdin was anally raped by the gay genie on stage
last night - but to be fair, the audience did try to warn him.
Well he got a-lad-in........ whistle:
Post by: Darwins Selection on December 03, 2013, 09:30:12 AM
The lead actor in the local pantomime production of Aladdin was anally raped by the gay genie on stage
last night - but to be fair, the audience did try to warn him.
Well he got a-lad-in........ whistle:
noooo: "Turn again Dick"
Post by: Barman on December 03, 2013, 09:42:54 AM
Post by: Grumpmeister on December 03, 2013, 01:50:59 PM
redface:
Post by: Barman on December 03, 2013, 01:52:57 PM
"He's inside you!!"
redface:
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: apc2010 on December 03, 2013, 10:56:51 PM
Post by: Baldy on December 04, 2013, 12:14:32 AM
At least now, when we hear the commentator say, "that's a perfect entry by Tom Daley......... noooo:
lol:
Post by: Barman on December 04, 2013, 05:43:02 AM
At least now, when we hear the commentator say, "that's a perfect entry by Tom Daley......... noooo:
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: apc2010 on December 07, 2013, 09:37:02 PM
He said, "Its apartheid always wanted"..........
Post by: Barman on December 07, 2013, 09:38:06 PM
Idris Elba, the actor who plays Nelson Mandela, was asked what drew him to the role...........
He said, "Its apartheid always wanted"..........
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: boogs on December 07, 2013, 10:25:00 PM
Idris Elba, the actor who plays Nelson Mandela, was asked what drew him to the role...........
He said, "Its apartheid always wanted"..........
::) ::) ::)
Post by: Baldy on December 08, 2013, 07:46:30 PM
"Hang on," the man says. "All I need to do is take two aspirins, they stop me winking!"
"Really" says the interviewer? "Great! Show me!"
So the applicant reaches into his jacket pocket and begins pulling out all sorts of condoms: red condoms, blue condoms, ribbed condoms, flavoured condoms; finally, at the bottom, he finds a packet of aspirin. He tears it open, swallows the pills, and stops winking.
"Well," said the interviewer, "that's all well and good, but this is a respectable company, and we will not have our employees womanizing all over the country."
"Womanizing? What do you mean? I'm a happily married man!"
"Well then, how do you explain all these condoms?"
"Oh, that," he sighed. "Have you ever walked into a pharmacy, winking, and asked for aspirin?"
Post by: Barman on December 08, 2013, 07:57:24 PM
A man with a winking problem applies for a position as a sales representative for a large firm. The interviewer looks over his papers and says. "This is phenomenal; you've graduated from the best schools, your recommendations are wonderful, and your experience is unparalleled. Normally, we'd hire you without a second thought. However, a sales representative has a highly visible position and we're afraid that your constant winking will scare off potential customers".
"Hang on," the man says. "All I need to do is take two aspirins, they stop me winking!"
"Really" says the interviewer? "Great! Show me!"
So the applicant reaches into his jacket pocket and begins pulling out all sorts of condoms: red condoms, blue condoms, ribbed condoms, flavoured condoms; finally, at the bottom, he finds a packet of aspirin. He tears it open, swallows the pills, and stops winking.
"Well," said the interviewer, "that's all well and good, but this is a respectable company, and we will not have our employees womanizing all over the country."
"Womanizing? What do you mean? I'm a happily married man!"
"Well then, how do you explain all these condoms?"
"Oh, that," he sighed. "Have you ever walked into a pharmacy, winking, and asked for aspirin?"
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Just One More on December 08, 2013, 08:40:09 PM
Post by: Darwins Selection on December 09, 2013, 03:05:28 PM
lol: lol: lol: lol:lol: lol: lol: lol: lol:
Post by: boogs on December 09, 2013, 11:43:33 PM
A man with a winking problem applies for a position as a sales representative for a large firm. The interviewer looks over his papers and says. "This is phenomenal; you've graduated from the best schools, your recommendations are wonderful, and your experience is unparalleled. Normally, we'd hire you without a second thought. However, a sales representative has a highly visible position and we're afraid that your constant winking will scare off potential customers".
"Hang on," the man says. "All I need to do is take two aspirins, they stop me winking!"
"Really" says the interviewer? "Great! Show me!"
So the applicant reaches into his jacket pocket and begins pulling out all sorts of condoms: red condoms, blue condoms, ribbed condoms, flavoured condoms; finally, at the bottom, he finds a packet of aspirin. He tears it open, swallows the pills, and stops winking.
"Well," said the interviewer, "that's all well and good, but this is a respectable company, and we will not have our employees womanizing all over the country."
"Womanizing? What do you mean? I'm a happily married man!"
"Well then, how do you explain all these condoms?"
"Oh, that," he sighed. "Have you ever walked into a pharmacy, winking, and asked for aspirin?"
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: apc2010 on December 11, 2013, 04:59:20 AM
Is that a trick question................... rubschin:
Post by: Just One More on December 11, 2013, 05:44:12 AM
Post by: Barman on December 11, 2013, 05:53:13 AM
Just been on a diabetes awareness website and it asked me if I accept cookies..........
Is that a trick question................... rubschin:
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Baldy on December 11, 2013, 06:46:46 AM
Just been on a diabetes awareness website and it asked me if I accept cookies..........
Is that a trick question................... rubschin:
lol: lol:
Post by: Darwins Selection on December 11, 2013, 11:16:59 AM
lol: lol: lol: lol:Just been on a diabetes awareness website and it asked me if I accept cookies..........
Is that a trick question................... rubschin:
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: apc2010 on December 12, 2013, 08:08:41 AM
That guy must have a really patient doctor......... rubschin:
Post by: Baldy on December 12, 2013, 10:22:38 AM
The news today said one person is diagnosed with dementia every four seconds..........
That guy must have a really patient doctor......... rubschin:
lol: lol:
Post by: apc2010 on December 14, 2013, 09:19:03 AM
How bad did he taste ..... rubschin:
Post by: Barman on December 14, 2013, 10:07:53 AM
The North Korean state news agency has said that the executed uncle of Kim Jong-un was "Worse than a dog."
How bad did he taste ..... rubschin:
happy001
Post by: Barman on December 16, 2013, 02:52:20 PM
A week after arriving back home in the States, he wakes one morning to find his "tool" covered with bright green and purple freckles. Horrified, he immediately goes to see a doctor.
The doctor, never having seen anything like it, orders some tests and tells the man to return in two days. The man returns a couple of days and the doctor says "I've got bad news for you. You've contracted Mongolian VD. It's very rare and almost unheard of here. We know very little about it".
The man looks a little perplexed and says "Well, give me a shot or something and fix me up doc". The doctor answers "I'm sorry, there's no known cure. We're going to have to amputate your "tool".
The man screams in horror "Absolutely not! I want a second opinion".
The doctor replies "Well, it's your choice. Go ahead if you want but surgery is your only choice".
The next day, the man seeks out a Chinese doctor, figuring that he'll know more about the disease. The Chinese doctor examines his tool and proclaims "Ah yes, Mongolian VD. Vely lare disease".
The guy says to the doctor "Yeah yeah, I already know that but what we can do? My American doctor wants to operate and amputate my tool?"
The Chinese doctor shakes his head and laughs "Stupid Amelican docta, always want to opelate. They make more money that way. No need to opelate!"
"Oh Thank God!" the man replies. "Yes" says the Chinese doctor "You no worry! Wait two weeks. Dick fall off by itself! You save money"
Post by: apc2010 on December 16, 2013, 02:54:40 PM
An American tourist goes on a trip to China . While in China , he is very sexually promiscuous and does not use a condom all the time.
A week after arriving back home in the States, he wakes one morning to find his "tool" covered with bright green and purple freckles. Horrified, he immediately goes to see a doctor.
The doctor, never having seen anything like it, orders some tests and tells the man to return in two days. The man returns a couple of days and the doctor says "I've got bad news for you. You've contracted Mongolian VD. It's very rare and almost unheard of here. We know very little about it".
The man looks a little perplexed and says "Well, give me a shot or something and fix me up doc". The doctor answers "I'm sorry, there's no known cure. We're going to have to amputate your "tool".
The man screams in horror "Absolutely not! I want a second opinion".
The doctor replies "Well, it's your choice. Go ahead if you want but surgery is your only choice".
The next day, the man seeks out a Chinese doctor, figuring that he'll know more about the disease. The Chinese doctor examines his tool and proclaims "Ah yes, Mongolian VD. Vely lare disease".
The guy says to the doctor "Yeah yeah, I already know that but what we can do? My American doctor wants to operate and amputate my tool?"
The Chinese doctor shakes his head and laughs "Stupid Amelican docta, always want to opelate. They make more money that way. No need to opelate!"
"Oh Thank God!" the man replies. "Yes" says the Chinese doctor "You no worry! Wait two weeks. Dick fall off by itself! You save money"
tunble:
Post by: apc2010 on December 21, 2013, 12:04:16 PM
He replied, "Well put it this way, have you ever considered visiting Disneyland?"
Post by: Barman on December 21, 2013, 12:05:51 PM
I had some tests done at the hospital recently and the doctor phoned today with the results. I said to him, "So, is it good news or bad?"..........
He replied, "Well put it this way, have you ever considered visiting Disneyland?"
lol:
Post by: apc2010 on December 21, 2013, 12:08:17 PM
You can't blame them. They have to park their fire engines half a mile away in a field, water costs £5 a litre, there's a one hour queue to get to the front and £3 to exit the field afterwards........... noooo:
Post by: Barman on December 21, 2013, 12:14:19 PM
Firefighters are said to be struggling to control the blaze at Chessington World of Adventures.........
You can't blame them. They have to park their fire engines half a mile away in a field, water costs £5 a litre, there's a one hour queue to get to the front and £3 to exit the field afterwards........... noooo:
happy001
Post by: Just One More on December 21, 2013, 07:04:19 PM
I'd much prefer a moaner or a screamer
Post by: Barman on December 21, 2013, 07:08:57 PM
I really hope I don,t get another sweater for Christmas.
I'd much prefer a moaner or a screamer
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Baldy on December 21, 2013, 09:09:57 PM
I really hope I don,t get another sweater for Christmas.
I'd much prefer a moaner or a screamer
Thumbs:
Post by: Steve on December 21, 2013, 11:21:43 PM
lol: lol: lol:I really hope I don,t get another sweater for Christmas.
I'd much prefer a moaner or a screamer
Thumbs:
Post by: apc2010 on December 22, 2013, 08:08:26 PM
And geography, and maths and English.......... noooo:
Post by: Barman on December 22, 2013, 08:42:23 PM
Tom Daley's classmates always said he would go down in history...........
And geography, and maths and English.......... noooo:
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Baldy on December 22, 2013, 10:23:50 PM
Tom Daley's classmates always said he would go down in history...........
And geography, and maths and English.......... noooo:
lol: lol:
Post by: apc2010 on December 25, 2013, 02:16:01 PM
just spare a thought for all the knives currently being used as a screwdriver........
Post by: Nick on December 25, 2013, 02:26:36 PM
Post by: apc2010 on December 27, 2013, 04:35:14 PM
Post by: Barman on December 27, 2013, 04:37:52 PM
A Santa at NASA has won top spot at this years National Palindrome Awards......
;D
Post by: Steve on December 27, 2013, 04:38:43 PM
A Santa at NASA has won top spot at this years National Palindrome Awards......:thumbsup: Thumbs:
Post by: Baldy on December 27, 2013, 05:13:06 PM
A Santa at NASA has won top spot at this years National Palindrome Awards......
lol: lol:
Post by: apc2010 on December 31, 2013, 10:01:25 AM
Post by: Barman on December 31, 2013, 10:30:47 AM
I am amazed that James Blunt has been overlooked in the New Years Honours list for his outstanding contribution to rhyming slang.......... rubschin:
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: apc2010 on January 05, 2014, 09:44:20 PM
Post by: Steve on January 05, 2014, 09:59:57 PM
Michael J Fox's coffee stays in the cup longer than Manchester United........... whistle:That is rather good lol: lol: lol:
Post by: apc2010 on January 05, 2014, 10:14:12 PM
Michael J Fox's coffee stays in the cup longer than Manchester United........... whistle:That is rather good lol: lol: lol:
Fair Play , Old Trafford is a hard place to win a game of football.......
Just ask David Moyes.........
Post by: Steve on January 05, 2014, 10:17:24 PM
Yes all those wins by other teams certainly puts Arsenal's loss there into perspectiveMichael J Fox's coffee stays in the cup longer than Manchester United........... whistle:That is rather good lol: lol: lol:
Fair Play , Old Trafford is a hard place to win a game of football.......
Just ask David Moyes.........
Post by: apc2010 on January 05, 2014, 10:19:05 PM
Yes all those wins by other teams certainly puts Arsenal's loss there into perspectiveMichael J Fox's coffee stays in the cup longer than Manchester United........... whistle:That is rather good lol: lol: lol:
Fair Play , Old Trafford is a hard place to win a game of football.......
Just ask David Moyes.........
redface: cussing:
Post by: Baldy on January 06, 2014, 05:54:00 AM
Yes all those wins by other teams certainly puts Arsenal's loss there into perspectiveMichael J Fox's coffee stays in the cup longer than Manchester United........... whistle:That is rather good lol: lol: lol:
Fair Play , Old Trafford is a hard place to win a game of football.......
Just ask David Moyes.........
redface: cussing:
point:
Post by: apc2010 on January 07, 2014, 12:24:05 PM
It's called Mike and Merk...........
Post by: Darwins Selection on January 07, 2014, 12:36:43 PM
I was listening to the German version of Jack and Jill today..........Is it a rock number or more hippy?
It's called Mike and Merk...........
Post by: apc2010 on January 07, 2014, 12:39:47 PM
I was listening to the German version of Jack and Jill today..........Is it a rock number or more hippy?
It's called Mike and Merk...........
drumroll:
Post by: Barman on January 07, 2014, 12:50:42 PM
I was listening to the German version of Jack and Jill today..........Is it a rock number or more hippy?
It's called Mike and Merk...........
happy001
Post by: Baldy on January 07, 2014, 05:24:57 PM
I was listening to the German version of Jack and Jill today..........Is it a rock number or more hippy?
It's called Mike and Merk...........
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Just One More on January 07, 2014, 06:18:44 PM
Post by: Just One More on January 10, 2014, 08:42:24 AM
"I know," she said, "I'm his grandmother, but I'm glad I came."
Post by: Steve on January 10, 2014, 10:26:03 AM
A woman and a baby were in the doctor's examining room, waiting for the doctor to come in. The doctor arrived, examined the baby, checked his weight and found it somewhat below normal. The doctor asked if the baby was breast fed or bottle fed. "Breast fed," the woman replied. "Well, strip down to your waist," the doctor asked. She did. He pressed, kneaded, rolled, cupped, and pinched both breasts in a detailed, rigorously thorough examination. Motioning for her to get dressed he said, "No wonder this baby is under weight! You don't have any milk."lol:
"I know," she said, "I'm his grandmother, but I'm glad I came."
Post by: Barman on January 10, 2014, 01:41:05 PM
A woman and a baby were in the doctor's examining room, waiting for the doctor to come in. The doctor arrived, examined the baby, checked his weight and found it somewhat below normal. The doctor asked if the baby was breast fed or bottle fed. "Breast fed," the woman replied. "Well, strip down to your waist," the doctor asked. She did. He pressed, kneaded, rolled, cupped, and pinched both breasts in a detailed, rigorously thorough examination. Motioning for her to get dressed he said, "No wonder this baby is under weight! You don't have any milk."
"I know," she said, "I'm his grandmother, but I'm glad I came."
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: apc2010 on January 14, 2014, 11:42:13 AM
The prize was a family weekend at Center Parcs............. rubschin:
Post by: Barman on January 14, 2014, 12:16:35 PM
My son won a spelling competition at school..........
The prize was a family weekend at Center Parcs............. rubschin:
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Just One More on January 14, 2014, 06:22:11 PM
Post by: Steve on January 14, 2014, 11:56:09 PM
Post by: apc2010 on January 17, 2014, 01:55:33 PM
Down's, Down's, Deepak and Down's.................. redface:
Post by: Barman on January 17, 2014, 02:53:34 PM
An Indian friend of mine has started a Status Quo tribute band with three retards.............
Down's, Down's, Deepak and Down's.................. redface:
lol: lol: lol:
It's the way you tell em! Thumbs:
Post by: Baldy on January 17, 2014, 06:26:05 PM
An Indian friend of mine has started a Status Quo tribute band with three retards.............
Down's, Down's, Deepak and Down's.................. redface:
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Baldy on January 20, 2014, 06:21:46 PM
"I did, I yelled Help! I need somebody, heeeelp!"
And what happened?
"About 4 or 5 people sang along"
redface:
Post by: Just One More on January 20, 2014, 06:32:34 PM
Post by: apc2010 on January 20, 2014, 06:34:19 PM
So, in 1965, when Bill Roache dragged you into the toilets and raped you, you didn't struggle, or scream?
"I did, I yelled Help! I need somebody, heeeelp!"
And what happened?
"About 4 or 5 people sang along"
redface:
;D ;D ;D
Post by: Barman on January 20, 2014, 06:50:25 PM
So, in 1965, when Bill Roache dragged you into the toilets and raped you, you didn't struggle, or scream?
"I did, I yelled Help! I need somebody, heeeelp!"
And what happened?
"About 4 or 5 people sang along"
redface:
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: apc2010 on January 20, 2014, 08:20:03 PM
Well they were Jew a new sponsor......... redface:
Post by: Darwins Selection on January 20, 2014, 09:21:11 PM
West Brom's shirt sponsor Zoopla are cancelling their deal at the end of the season.............
Well they were Jew a new sponsor......... redface:
West Brom were disappointed there were no pullovers.
Post by: apc2010 on January 20, 2014, 09:28:33 PM
West Brom's shirt sponsor Zoopla are cancelling their deal at the end of the season.............
Well they were Jew a new sponsor......... redface:
West Brom were disappointed there were no pullovers.
They just got a card again........... redface:
Post by: Darwins Selection on January 20, 2014, 09:53:45 PM
noooo:West Brom's shirt sponsor Zoopla are cancelling their deal at the end of the season.............
Well they were Jew a new sponsor......... redface:
West Brom were disappointed there were no pullovers.
They just got a card again........... redface:
Post by: Just One More on January 21, 2014, 05:28:16 AM
West Brom's shirt sponsor Zoopla are cancelling their deal at the end of the season.............
Well they were Jew a new sponsor......... redface:
West Brom were disappointed there were no pullovers.
drumroll:
Post by: apc2010 on January 21, 2014, 04:27:27 PM
I'm glad to see that some things never change................. Thumbs:
Post by: Barman on January 21, 2014, 04:30:25 PM
I have just read that the cast of "12 years a slave" are expected to clean up at the OSCARS........
I'm glad to see that some things never change................. Thumbs:
happy001
Post by: Darwins Selection on January 21, 2014, 05:35:07 PM
I have just read that the cast of "12 years a slave" are expected to clean up at the OSCARS........
I'm glad to see that some things never change................. Thumbs:
happy001
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Steve on January 21, 2014, 08:03:52 PM
lol: lol: lol: lol:I have just read that the cast of "12 years a slave" are expected to clean up at the OSCARS........
I'm glad to see that some things never change................. Thumbs:
happy001
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Baldy on January 21, 2014, 11:35:41 PM
lol: lol: lol: lol:I have just read that the cast of "12 years a slave" are expected to clean up at the OSCARS........
I'm glad to see that some things never change................. Thumbs:
happy001
lol: lol: lol:
lol: lol: lol: lol: lol:
Post by: boogs on January 21, 2014, 11:52:09 PM
I have just read that the cast of "12 years a slave" are expected to clean up at the OSCARS........
I'm glad to see that some things never change................. Thumbs:
happy002
Post by: Marley's Ghost (Imbiber of Spirits) on January 27, 2014, 12:46:00 PM
The foreman takes him 'round the plant and shows him all the machinery and offers him the job.
"What will the role entail exactly?" asks the interviewee.
"Well", says the foreman, "you have to check 1 in a hundred", and proceeds to remove one of the rubbers from the production line, stretches it, holds it up to the lights, then places it over his penis and calls the secretary over.
She proceeds to hitch her skirt up, pull her knickers down and bends over.
The foreman gives her a good rogering, after he's finished he removes the prophylactic, stretches it, holds it up to the light again to confirm no holes.
"Easy as that", he says.
"When do I start?" Asks the fella, unable to believe his luck.
"Monday, 8:00 sharp!"
Naturally, our hero hardly sleeps a wink all Sunday night, and is outside the Durex factory waiting to get in at 6:30.
Anyway, the production line starts up and the fella faithfully counts as 100 ribbed black mambo's, (lubricated with sensodol for extra comfort).
He picks up the 101st, stretches it, holds it up to the light to check for holes then pulls it over his old man and calls the secretary over.
Over she comes, grabs hold of his manhood, and proceeds to rigorously masturbate him.
Rather startled and confused, the fella just looks at the secretary who says...
"Sorry, company policy. You've got to work a week in hand"
Post by: apc2010 on January 27, 2014, 12:49:25 PM
A fella goes for a job in the Quality Assurance department at Durex Condoms.
The foreman takes him 'round the plant and shows him all the machinery and offers him the job.
"What will the role entail exactly?" asks the interviewee.
"Well", says the foreman, "you have to check 1 in a hundred", and proceeds to remove one of the rubbers from the production line, stretches it, holds it up to the lights, then places it over his penis and calls the secretary over.
She proceeds to hitch her skirt up, pull her knickers down and bends over.
The foreman gives her a good rogering, after he's finished he removes the prophylactic, stretches it, holds it up to the light again to confirm no holes.
"Easy as that", he says.
"When do I start?" Asks the fella, unable to believe his luck.
"Monday, 8:00 sharp!"
Naturally, our hero hardly sleeps a wink all Sunday night, and is outside the Durex factory waiting to get in at 6:30.
Anyway, the production line starts up and the fella faithfully counts as 100 ribbed black mambo's, (lubricated with sensodol for extra comfort).
He picks up the 101st, stretches it, holds it up to the light to check for holes then pulls it over his old man and calls the secretary over.
Over she comes, grabs hold of his manhood, and proceeds to rigorously masturbate him.
Rather startled and confused, the fella just looks at the secretary who says...
"Sorry, company policy. You've got to work a week in hand"
;D ;D
Post by: Steve on January 27, 2014, 01:47:44 PM
happy002A fella goes for a job in the Quality Assurance department at Durex Condoms.
The foreman takes him 'round the plant and shows him all the machinery and offers him the job.
"What will the role entail exactly?" asks the interviewee.
"Well", says the foreman, "you have to check 1 in a hundred", and proceeds to remove one of the rubbers from the production line, stretches it, holds it up to the lights, then places it over his penis and calls the secretary over.
She proceeds to hitch her skirt up, pull her knickers down and bends over.
The foreman gives her a good rogering, after he's finished he removes the prophylactic, stretches it, holds it up to the light again to confirm no holes.
"Easy as that", he says.
"When do I start?" Asks the fella, unable to believe his luck.
"Monday, 8:00 sharp!"
Naturally, our hero hardly sleeps a wink all Sunday night, and is outside the Durex factory waiting to get in at 6:30.
Anyway, the production line starts up and the fella faithfully counts as 100 ribbed black mambo's, (lubricated with sensodol for extra comfort).
He picks up the 101st, stretches it, holds it up to the light to check for holes then pulls it over his old man and calls the secretary over.
Over she comes, grabs hold of his manhood, and proceeds to rigorously masturbate him.
Rather startled and confused, the fella just looks at the secretary who says...
"Sorry, company policy. You've got to work a week in hand"
;D ;D
Post by: Barman on January 27, 2014, 02:16:19 PM
A fella goes for a job in the Quality Assurance department at Durex Condoms.
The foreman takes him 'round the plant and shows him all the machinery and offers him the job.
"What will the role entail exactly?" asks the interviewee.
"Well", says the foreman, "you have to check 1 in a hundred", and proceeds to remove one of the rubbers from the production line, stretches it, holds it up to the lights, then places it over his penis and calls the secretary over.
She proceeds to hitch her skirt up, pull her knickers down and bends over.
The foreman gives her a good rogering, after he's finished he removes the prophylactic, stretches it, holds it up to the light again to confirm no holes.
"Easy as that", he says.
"When do I start?" Asks the fella, unable to believe his luck.
"Monday, 8:00 sharp!"
Naturally, our hero hardly sleeps a wink all Sunday night, and is outside the Durex factory waiting to get in at 6:30.
Anyway, the production line starts up and the fella faithfully counts as 100 ribbed black mambo's, (lubricated with sensodol for extra comfort).
He picks up the 101st, stretches it, holds it up to the light to check for holes then pulls it over his old man and calls the secretary over.
Over she comes, grabs hold of his manhood, and proceeds to rigorously masturbate him.
Rather startled and confused, the fella just looks at the secretary who says...
"Sorry, company policy. You've got to work a week in hand"
;D ;D ;D
Post by: Just One More on January 27, 2014, 09:01:18 PM
I thought the boss was gonna turn up, take the condom off him, and tell him to drop his kecks and bend over
Post by: Just One More on January 27, 2014, 09:02:30 PM
The most common one seems to be: "You said you'd be home from the pub three fucking hours ago!"
Post by: apc2010 on January 27, 2014, 09:04:40 PM
I've been having real problems with nuisance phone calls lately.
The most common one seems to be: "You said you'd be home from the pub three fucking hours ago!"
;D ;D redface:
Post by: Steve on January 27, 2014, 09:44:09 PM
lol: lol: lol:I've been having real problems with nuisance phone calls lately.
The most common one seems to be: "You said you'd be home from the pub three fucking hours ago!"
;D ;D redface:
Post by: apc2010 on January 27, 2014, 10:05:03 PM
lol: lol: lol: lol:
I thought the boss was gonna turn up, take the condom off him, and tell him to drop his kecks and bend over
Me too........... redface:
Post by: Baldy on January 27, 2014, 10:30:42 PM
A fella goes for a job in the Quality Assurance department at Durex Condoms.
The foreman takes him 'round the plant and shows him all the machinery and offers him the job.
"What will the role entail exactly?" asks the interviewee.
"Well", says the foreman, "you have to check 1 in a hundred", and proceeds to remove one of the rubbers from the production line, stretches it, holds it up to the lights, then places it over his penis and calls the secretary over.
She proceeds to hitch her skirt up, pull her knickers down and bends over.
The foreman gives her a good rogering, after he's finished he removes the prophylactic, stretches it, holds it up to the light again to confirm no holes.
"Easy as that", he says.
"When do I start?" Asks the fella, unable to believe his luck.
"Monday, 8:00 sharp!"
Naturally, our hero hardly sleeps a wink all Sunday night, and is outside the Durex factory waiting to get in at 6:30.
Anyway, the production line starts up and the fella faithfully counts as 100 ribbed black mambo's, (lubricated with sensodol for extra comfort).
He picks up the 101st, stretches it, holds it up to the light to check for holes then pulls it over his old man and calls the secretary over.
Over she comes, grabs hold of his manhood, and proceeds to rigorously masturbate him.
Rather startled and confused, the fella just looks at the secretary who says...
"Sorry, company policy. You've got to work a week in hand"
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Baldy on January 27, 2014, 10:31:37 PM
I've been having real problems with nuisance phone calls lately.
The most common one seems to be: "You said you'd be home from the pub three fucking hours ago!"
lol: lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Just One More on January 28, 2014, 06:35:57 AM
I think I'll ask the wife if she fancies an early headache.
Post by: Just One More on January 28, 2014, 06:36:23 AM
£25 per person
Scousers FREE
No strings attached.
Post by: Barman on January 28, 2014, 07:30:00 AM
Post by: Baldy on January 28, 2014, 11:15:35 AM
I've just looked through the television guide and there's nothing much on tonight.
I think I'll ask the wife if she fancies an early headache.
lol:
Post by: Baldy on January 28, 2014, 11:15:58 AM
BUNGEE JUMPING
£25 per person
Scousers FREE
No strings attached.
lol: lol:
Post by: Steve on January 28, 2014, 11:43:15 AM
lol: lol: lol:I've just looked through the television guide and there's nothing much on tonight.
I think I'll ask the wife if she fancies an early headache.
lol:
Post by: Steve on January 28, 2014, 11:44:02 AM
happy001BUNGEE JUMPING
£25 per person
Scousers FREE
No strings attached.
lol: lol:
Post by: Just One More on January 31, 2014, 06:40:20 PM
Post by: Baldy on January 31, 2014, 08:56:08 PM
David Villa signs for Villa, Antonio Valencia signs for Valencia, Nile Ranger signs for Rangers, Danny Shittu signs for Tottenham.
lol: lol: lol: lol: Thumbs:
Post by: Steve on January 31, 2014, 08:57:07 PM
happy001David Villa signs for Villa, Antonio Valencia signs for Valencia, Nile Ranger signs for Rangers, Danny Shittu signs for Tottenham.
lol: lol: lol: lol: Thumbs:
Post by: Just One More on February 02, 2014, 08:29:26 AM
Post by: Barman on February 02, 2014, 08:43:48 AM
I went to a disco last night they played the twist so i did the twist, they played the time warp so I did the time warp, they played the bump, so I did the bump , they then played Come On Eileen and that's when it all kicked off
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: boogs on February 02, 2014, 02:14:24 PM
I went to a disco last night they played the twist so i did the twist, they played the time warp so I did the time warp, they played the bump, so I did the bump , they then played Come On Eileen and that's when it all kicked off
lol: lol: lol:
lol: lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Just One More on February 08, 2014, 11:34:46 AM
Post by: Just One More on February 08, 2014, 11:35:16 AM
"Hold the lantern, Murphy. Here it comes!" the doctor delivers the child and holds it up for the proud father to see.
"Murphy, you're the proud father of a fine strapping boy."
"Saints be praised, I..."
Before Murphy can finish, the Doctor interrupts,
"Wait a minute, hold the lantern, Murphy." Soon the doctor delivers the next child.
"You've a full set now, Murphy. A beautiful baby daughter."
"Thanks be to..."
Again the Doctor cuts in,
"Hold the lantern, Murphy, Hold the lantern!" Soon the Doctor delivers a third child. The doctor
holds up the baby for Murphy's inspection.
"Doctor," asks Murphy, "Do you think it's the light that's attracting them?"
Post by: Barman on February 08, 2014, 11:52:35 AM
I will be wearing a pink T-Shirt tomorrow to raise awareness for guys like me who've mixed reds with their favorite white T-Shirt in the wash
happy001
I have a pair of jeans like that.... confused:
Post by: Barman on February 08, 2014, 11:53:57 AM
Murphy and his pregnant wife live on a farm in the distant rural regions. No running water, no electricity, etc. One night, Murphy’s wife is begins to have the baby. The local doctor is there in attendance. "What d'ya want me to do, Doctor?"
"Hold the lantern, Murphy. Here it comes!" the doctor delivers the child and holds it up for the proud father to see.
"Murphy, you're the proud father of a fine strapping boy."
"Saints be praised, I..."
Before Murphy can finish, the Doctor interrupts,
"Wait a minute, hold the lantern, Murphy." Soon the doctor delivers the next child.
"You've a full set now, Murphy. A beautiful baby daughter."
"Thanks be to..."
Again the Doctor cuts in,
"Hold the lantern, Murphy, Hold the lantern!" Soon the Doctor delivers a third child. The doctor
holds up the baby for Murphy's inspection.
"Doctor," asks Murphy, "Do you think it's the light that's attracting them?"
;D
Post by: Steve on February 08, 2014, 12:11:37 PM
lol: lol:Murphy and his pregnant wife live on a farm in the distant rural regions. No running water, no electricity, etc. One night, Murphy’s wife is begins to have the baby. The local doctor is there in attendance. "What d'ya want me to do, Doctor?"
"Hold the lantern, Murphy. Here it comes!" the doctor delivers the child and holds it up for the proud father to see.
"Murphy, you're the proud father of a fine strapping boy."
"Saints be praised, I..."
Before Murphy can finish, the Doctor interrupts,
"Wait a minute, hold the lantern, Murphy." Soon the doctor delivers the next child.
"You've a full set now, Murphy. A beautiful baby daughter."
"Thanks be to..."
Again the Doctor cuts in,
"Hold the lantern, Murphy, Hold the lantern!" Soon the Doctor delivers a third child. The doctor
holds up the baby for Murphy's inspection.
"Doctor," asks Murphy, "Do you think it's the light that's attracting them?"
;D
Post by: Steve on February 08, 2014, 12:13:28 PM
I will be wearing a pink T-Shirt tomorrow to raise awareness for guys like me who've mixed reds with their favorite white T-Shirt in the wash:thumbsup: lol: lol:
Post by: Marley's Ghost (Imbiber of Spirits) on February 08, 2014, 01:28:35 PM
Shouting from the upstairs window the father said, "Have you brought us food, hot drinks and warm clothing?"
"No," they replied "we're collecting donations for Syria."
Post by: Barman on February 08, 2014, 01:37:52 PM
A family, cut off by the floods for weeks, saw a rescue boat from the Red Cross approaching their house.
Shouting from the upstairs window the father said, "Have you brought us food, hot drinks and warm clothing?"
"No," they replied "we're collecting donations for Syria."
happy001
Post by: apc2010 on February 08, 2014, 05:35:53 PM
A family, cut off by the floods for weeks, saw a rescue boat from the Red Cross approaching their house.
Shouting from the upstairs window the father said, "Have you brought us food, hot drinks and warm clothing?"
"No," they replied "we're collecting donations for Syria."
;D ;D ;D
Post by: boogs on February 09, 2014, 12:11:51 AM
A family, cut off by the floods for weeks, saw a rescue boat from the Red Cross approaching their house.
Shouting from the upstairs window the father said, "Have you brought us food, hot drinks and warm clothing?"
"No," they replied "we're collecting donations for Syria."
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Just One More on February 09, 2014, 01:52:19 PM
Post by: Steve on February 09, 2014, 02:02:46 PM
The missus keeps leaving magazines lying around with the jewellery ads circled.....I got the hint. for her birthday she is getting a magazine rack!happy002
Post by: boogs on February 09, 2014, 03:00:24 PM
The missus keeps leaving magazines lying around with the jewellery ads circled.....I got the hint. for her birthday she is getting a magazine rack!
::) lol:
Post by: Barman on February 09, 2014, 03:58:49 PM
The missus keeps leaving magazines lying around with the jewellery ads circled.....I got the hint. for her birthday she is getting a magazine rack!
;D
Post by: Baldy on February 09, 2014, 06:40:21 PM
The missus keeps leaving magazines lying around with the jewellery ads circled.....I got the hint. for her birthday she is getting a magazine rack!
lol: lol:
Post by: apc2010 on February 10, 2014, 11:22:32 PM
.....will Oscar Pistorius take another shot at love....... rubschin:
Post by: Steve on February 10, 2014, 11:32:49 PM
With valentines day just around the corner, there's one thought on everyones mind...happy002
.....will Oscar Pistorius take another shot at love....... rubschin:
He'll be hopping mad when he reads that
Post by: Barman on February 11, 2014, 06:14:53 AM
With valentines day just around the corner, there's one thought on everyones mind...
.....will Oscar Pistorius take another shot at love....... rubschin:
happy001
Post by: apc2010 on February 14, 2014, 08:15:15 PM
They've got a sail on............. redface:
Post by: Steve on February 14, 2014, 08:59:37 PM
DFS are selling settees that float and can reach up to 10 knots..... Thumbs:happy001
They've got a sail on............. redface:
Post by: Just One More on February 14, 2014, 10:43:37 PM
I really hope she misspelt Xbox.
Post by: Just One More on February 14, 2014, 10:46:04 PM
Post by: Steve on February 14, 2014, 10:58:44 PM
Just been to Marks n Spencer's for a 'dine for two' Valentines meal. 2 starters ,mains , side dishes , a bottle of wine and a box of chocolates. Can't fucking wait. I haven't got a girlfriend, I'm just a fat c**t.happy001
Post by: Baldy on February 14, 2014, 10:59:01 PM
Just been to Marks n Spencer's for a 'dine for two' Valentines meal. 2 starters ,mains , side dishes , a bottle of wine and a box of chocolates. Can't fucking wait. I haven't got a girlfriend, I'm just a fat c**t.
lol: lol:
Post by: Barman on February 15, 2014, 05:12:12 AM
DFS are selling settees that float and can reach up to 10 knots..... Thumbs:
They've got a sail on............. redface:
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Barman on February 15, 2014, 05:12:34 AM
Just been to Marks n Spencer's for a 'dine for two' Valentines meal. 2 starters ,mains , side dishes , a bottle of wine and a box of chocolates. Can't fucking wait. I haven't got a girlfriend, I'm just a fat c**t.
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Just One More on February 16, 2014, 07:47:37 AM
Look... it's in here for a reason :thumbsup:
Post by: Barman on February 16, 2014, 08:20:02 AM
I was driving past a field the other day and saw a scarecrow trying to have a wank! I thought to myself that fuckers clutching at straws.
Look... it's in here for a reason :thumbsup:
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: boogs on February 16, 2014, 10:14:02 AM
I was driving past a field the other day and saw a scarecrow trying to have a wank! I thought to myself that fuckers clutching at straws.
Look... it's in here for a reason :thumbsup:
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Steve on February 16, 2014, 12:37:09 PM
happy001I was driving past a field the other day and saw a scarecrow trying to have a wank! I thought to myself that fuckers clutching at straws.
Look... it's in here for a reason :thumbsup:
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: apc2010 on February 21, 2014, 09:10:51 PM
Ukraine and UK rain...... redface:
Post by: Steve on February 21, 2014, 10:59:44 PM
Post by: Barman on February 22, 2014, 05:09:03 AM
Top two stories on the news tonight....
Ukraine and UK rain...... redface:
tunble:
Post by: apc2010 on February 22, 2014, 06:00:13 AM
Top two stories on the news tonight....
Ukraine and UK rain...... redface:
tunble:
It's in here.... evil:
Post by: Steve on February 24, 2014, 06:17:20 PM
First day back at school.
Attendance call on the first day back at school in Tower Hamlets....London
The teacher began calling out the names of the pupils:
"Mustafa Al Eih Zeri?" "Here."
"Achmed El Kabul?" "Here."
"Fatima Al Hayek? " "Here."
"Ali Abdul Olmi?" "Here."
"Mohammed Bin Kadir?" "Here."
"Ali Son al Len” Silence in the classroom.
"Ali Son al Len" Continued silence as everyone looked around the room.
She repeated, "Is this the name of any child here?"
A girl stood and said, "I think that's me, Miss. It's pronounced Alison Allen"
Post by: apc2010 on February 24, 2014, 06:23:51 PM
First day back at school.
Attendance call on the first day back at school in Tower Hamlets....London
The teacher began calling out the names of the pupils:
"Mustafa Al Eih Zeri?" "Here."
"Achmed El Kabul?" "Here."
"Fatima Al Hayek? " "Here."
"Ali Abdul Olmi?" "Here."
"Mohammed Bin Kadir?" "Here."
"Ali Son al Len” Silence in the classroom.
"Ali Son al Len" Continued silence as everyone looked around the room.
She repeated, "Is this the name of any child here?"
A girl stood and said, "I think that's me, Miss. It's pronounced Alison Allen"
;D ;D ;D
Post by: Baldy on February 24, 2014, 08:01:24 PM
Post by: Barman on February 25, 2014, 07:28:31 AM
Post by: Baldy on February 25, 2014, 07:06:35 PM
after David Beckham.
Post by: Barman on February 25, 2014, 07:17:39 PM
Winter Olympics gold medal winner Lizzie Yarnold is voted the second most famous Brit to ever ride a skeleton.....
after David Beckham.
happy001
Post by: apc2010 on February 26, 2014, 04:13:51 AM
Winter Olympics gold medal winner Lizzie Yarnold is voted the second most famous Brit to ever ride a skeleton.....
after David Beckham.
happy001
;D ;D
Post by: apc2010 on February 26, 2014, 02:27:07 PM
My first thought was: "Probably the nigger."............
Post by: Barman on February 26, 2014, 02:54:50 PM
Gay rights group Stonewall has an advert on the buses with a picture of a white man and a black man and the slogan: "One is gay. If that bothers people, our work continues."........
My first thought was: "Probably the nigger."............
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Just One More on March 03, 2014, 08:46:22 AM
"You do know you're not allowed to dump your waste in the ocean?" I said
"It was my wife," he sobbed.
"Yeah right, I just saw you doing it," I replied, before punching him in the face.
Post by: Baldy on March 03, 2014, 08:52:12 AM
I get really pissed off with people contaminating our waters. Yesterday, I caught some guy emptying ash into the ocean.
"You do know you're not allowed to dump your waste in the ocean?" I said
"It was my wife," he sobbed.
"Yeah right, I just saw you doing it," I replied, before punching him in the face.
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Barman on March 03, 2014, 09:54:30 AM
I get really pissed off with people contaminating our waters. Yesterday, I caught some guy emptying ash into the ocean.
"You do know you're not allowed to dump your waste in the ocean?" I said
"It was my wife," he sobbed.
"Yeah right, I just saw you doing it," I replied, before punching him in the face.
happy001
Post by: Marley's Ghost (Imbiber of Spirits) on March 03, 2014, 10:27:08 AM
This farmer also had two ducks. These ducks were retarded. They were only two ducks on the farm that weren't normal. He told his sons that whoever could get the most money for the duck would go to college.
The sons went out in attempt to collect as much money as they could. The first son was walking down the street when he passed a man working in the yard. The man asked him if the duck was for sale, for the man loved the taste of ducks. He offered the son 10 dollars for his duck. The son decided this was very good, so he took it. He decided his brother wouldn't be able to get close to his success.
The second son was walking and passed a whorehouse. He went in and said that he didn't have any money, but he would give them the duck. One girl said fine. After they fckked, she decided that she didn't want the duck anymore. The son said he would take the duck back if they fucked again. She agreed. After they fucked the second time, the son left.
He was walking home, thinking about what to do with the duck when it broke the leash. The duck ran out into the street and was hit by a car. The lady that hit it jumped from her car and started apologizing profusely. The son insisted it was ok, but the lady said she would pay for the duck. She was in a hurry, so she gave him 25 dollars and sped off.
When the sons got home, the farmer asked the first son what he got. He proudly displayed the 10 dollars. The farmer was impressed. He asked the second son the same thing.
"That's nothing. I got a fuck for a duck, a duck for a fuck, and 25 dollars for a fucked up duck."
Post by: Steve on March 03, 2014, 10:41:00 AM
happy001 happy001I get really pissed off with people contaminating our waters. Yesterday, I caught some guy emptying ash into the ocean.
"You do know you're not allowed to dump your waste in the ocean?" I said
"It was my wife," he sobbed.
"Yeah right, I just saw you doing it," I replied, before punching him in the face.
happy001
Post by: Barman on March 03, 2014, 11:02:33 AM
Once there was a farmer. He had two teenage sons. This farmer had just inherited some of money from his brother's recent death. He couldn't decide which son he could send to college, since he could only afford to send one.
This farmer also had two ducks. These ducks were retarded. They were only two ducks on the farm that weren't normal. He told his sons that whoever could get the most money for the duck would go to college.
The sons went out in attempt to collect as much money as they could. The first son was walking down the street when he passed a man working in the yard. The man asked him if the duck was for sale, for the man loved the taste of ducks. He offered the son 10 dollars for his duck. The son decided this was very good, so he took it. He decided his brother wouldn't be able to get close to his success.
The second son was walking and passed a whorehouse. He went in and said that he didn't have any money, but he would give them the duck. One girl said fine. After they fckked, she decided that she didn't want the duck anymore. The son said he would take the duck back if they fucked again. She agreed. After they fucked the second time, the son left.
He was walking home, thinking about what to do with the duck when it broke the leash. The duck ran out into the street and was hit by a car. The lady that hit it jumped from her car and started apologizing profusely. The son insisted it was ok, but the lady said she would pay for the duck. She was in a hurry, so she gave him 25 dollars and sped off.
When the sons got home, the farmer asked the first son what he got. He proudly displayed the 10 dollars. The farmer was impressed. He asked the second son the same thing.
"That's nothing. I got a fuck for a duck, a duck for a fuck, and 25 dollars for a fucked up duck."
lol: lol:
Post by: Nick on March 03, 2014, 11:12:19 AM
This Farmer Had Three Daughters! (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kUYpH1ashMc#)
Post by: Barman on March 03, 2014, 11:15:46 AM
Which reminds me:
This Farmer Had Three Daughters! (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kUYpH1ashMc#)
AFFS! lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Just One More on March 03, 2014, 08:15:24 PM
Post by: apc2010 on March 03, 2014, 08:17:03 PM
Two armed men robbed a bank yesterday using a large wooden board to hide from the CCTV. Police say they dont know who was behind it.
;D noooo:
Post by: Barman on March 03, 2014, 08:22:18 PM
Two armed men robbed a bank yesterday using a large wooden board to hide from the CCTV. Police say they dont know who was behind it.
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Steve on March 03, 2014, 10:13:53 PM
lol: lol: lol:Two armed men robbed a bank yesterday using a large wooden board to hide from the CCTV. Police say they dont know who was behind it.
;D noooo:
Post by: apc2010 on March 05, 2014, 02:38:21 PM
9/2 if he's found guilty .....
1000/1 if he walks.... whistle:
Post by: Barman on March 05, 2014, 03:27:33 PM
I am taking bets on Oscar Pistorius murder trial.........#
9/2 if he's found guilty .....
1000/1 if he walks.... whistle:
happy001
Post by: Darwins Selection on March 05, 2014, 03:36:40 PM
I am taking bets on Oscar Pistorius murder trial.........#
9/2 if he's found guilty .....
1000/1 if he walks.... whistle:
happy001
lol: lol: lol:
He seems confident. I definitely detected a spring in his step going into court this morning.
Post by: Barman on March 05, 2014, 03:42:50 PM
I am taking bets on Oscar Pistorius murder trial.........#
9/2 if he's found guilty .....
1000/1 if he walks.... whistle:
happy001
lol: lol: lol:
He seems confident. I definitely detected a spring in his step going into court this morning.
happy001
Post by: Baldy on March 05, 2014, 05:47:41 PM
I am taking bets on Oscar Pistorius murder trial.........#
9/2 if he's found guilty .....
1000/1 if he walks.... whistle:
happy001
lol: lol: lol:
He seems confident. I definitely detected a spring in his step going into court this morning.
lol:
Post by: Steve on March 05, 2014, 07:24:00 PM
happy001I am taking bets on Oscar Pistorius murder trial.........#
9/2 if he's found guilty .....
1000/1 if he walks.... whistle:
happy001
lol: lol: lol:
He seems confident. I definitely detected a spring in his step going into court this morning.
lol:
Post by: Just One More on March 06, 2014, 06:20:52 AM
I am taking bets on Oscar Pistorius murder trial.........
9/2 if he's found guilty .....
1000/1 if he walks.... whistle:
How many complaints did you get ;D The advertising watchdog got 5,200, and 122,000 signed a petition (http://www.theguardian.com/media/2014/mar/05/paddy-power-oscar-pistorius-ad-withdrawn-immediate-effect)
Post by: Barman on March 06, 2014, 06:27:53 AM
I am taking bets on Oscar Pistorius murder trial.........
9/2 if he's found guilty .....
1000/1 if he walks.... whistle:
How many complaints did you get ;D The advertising watchdog got 5,200, and 122,000 signed a petition (http://www.theguardian.com/media/2014/mar/05/paddy-power-oscar-pistorius-ad-withdrawn-immediate-effect)
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Baldy on March 09, 2014, 06:07:50 AM
A woman walks into a local accountant's office and tells him that she needs to file her taxes.
The accountant says, "Before we begin, I'll need to ask you a few questions."
He gets her name, address etc. And then asks, "What's your occupation?"
"I'm a prostitute," she says.
The accountant is somewhat taken aback and says, "Let's try to re phrase that."
The woman says, "OK, I'm a high-end call girl".
"No, that still won't work. Try again."
They both think for a minute; then the woman says, "I'm an elite poultry farmer."
The accountant asks, "What does poultry farming have to do with being a prostitute?"
"Well, I raised a thousand cocks last year."
"Poultry Farmer it is."
Post by: Barman on March 09, 2014, 07:18:26 AM
Prostitute's Tax Return...
A woman walks into a local accountant's office and tells him that she needs to file her taxes.
The accountant says, "Before we begin, I'll need to ask you a few questions."
He gets her name, address etc. And then asks, "What's your occupation?"
"I'm a prostitute," she says.
The accountant is somewhat taken aback and says, "Let's try to re phrase that."
The woman says, "OK, I'm a high-end call girl".
"No, that still won't work. Try again."
They both think for a minute; then the woman says, "I'm an elite poultry farmer."
The accountant asks, "What does poultry farming have to do with being a prostitute?"
"Well, I raised a thousand cocks last year."
"Poultry Farmer it is."
;D
Post by: apc2010 on March 09, 2014, 09:28:48 AM
But if there was ever a place that's easy to rebuild . ...... rubschin:
Post by: Barman on March 09, 2014, 10:08:47 AM
I see Legoland was shut down due to a bomb scare..........
But if there was ever a place that's easy to rebuild . ...... rubschin:
happy001
Post by: Just One More on March 09, 2014, 10:50:38 AM
Prostitute's Tax Return...
A woman walks into a local accountant's office and tells him that she needs to file her taxes.
The accountant says, "Before we begin, I'll need to ask you a few questions."
He gets her name, address etc. And then asks, "What's your occupation?"
"I'm a prostitute," she says.
The accountant is somewhat taken aback and says, "Let's try to re phrase that."
The woman says, "OK, I'm a high-end call girl".
"No, that still won't work. Try again."
They both think for a minute; then the woman says, "I'm an elite poultry farmer."
The accountant asks, "What does poultry farming have to do with being a prostitute?"
"Well, I raised a thousand cocks last year."
"Poultry Farmer it is."
lol: lol:
Post by: Steve on March 10, 2014, 12:15:41 AM
Post by: Just One More on March 12, 2014, 12:51:47 AM
(https://www.virtual-pub.com/SMF/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fs7.postimg.org%2Ffbsw0r81j%2Fgloucester_police.jpg&hash=26d73e4186fc09a419f071193766970a1f8f417d) (http://postimage.org/)
APPEAL FOR WITNESSES!!!
Gloucestershire Police have told a Cheltenham man how lucky he was when an unknown person or paranormal being gained access unnoticed to his flat and turned the oven down!!!!
Chief Inspector Mike Hunt of Cheltenham Police said it was one of the strangest occurrences he had come across during his service.
The occupant, Mr Fester McPester said "I distinctly put the oven on to 160 and then feeling a bit horny thought I'd have a soapy bath with extras. Next thing is the missus comes home and finds the oven turned down basically fucking up me tea!!!!"
Chief Inspector Mike Hunt said "Mrs McPester has been taken to the chippy to buy tea but she is still in shock!!!.....the incident has been made even traumatic as the price of cod and chips has gone up considerably"
Mr Fester McPester spoke to our reporter and said "I want me tea...now!!!"
Police enquiries are sponsored by Charlie's Chippy
Post by: Barman on March 12, 2014, 06:32:14 AM
(https://www.virtual-pub.com/SMF/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fs7.postimg.org%2Ffbsw0r81j%2Fgloucester_police.jpg&hash=26d73e4186fc09a419f071193766970a1f8f417d) (http://postimage.org/)
APPEAL FOR WITNESSES!!!
Gloucestershire Police have told a Cheltenham man how lucky he was when an unknown person or paranormal being gained access unnoticed to his flat and turned the oven down!!!!
Chief Inspector Mike Hunt of Cheltenham Police said it was one of the strangest occurrences he had come across during his service.
The occupant, Mr Fester McPester said "I distinctly put the oven on to 160 and then feeling a bit horny thought I'd have a soapy bath with extras. Next thing is the missus comes home and finds the oven turned down basically fucking up me tea!!!!"
Chief Inspector Mike Hunt said "Mrs McPester has been taken to the chippy to buy tea but she is still in shock!!!.....the incident has been made even traumatic as the price of cod and chips has gone up considerably"
Mr Fester McPester spoke to our reporter and said "I want me tea...now!!!"
Police enquiries are sponsored by Charlie's Chippy
;D
Post by: apc2010 on March 14, 2014, 12:09:51 PM
The bodies were so horribly disfigured the locals thought they were still alive....
Post by: Baldy on March 14, 2014, 12:23:15 PM
Four people have died in a helicopter crash in Norfolk..........
The bodies were so horribly disfigured the locals thought they were still alive....
lol:
Post by: Barman on March 14, 2014, 03:37:52 PM
Four people have died in a helicopter crash in Norfolk..........
The bodies were so horribly disfigured the locals thought they were still alive....
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Steve on March 14, 2014, 08:21:08 PM
lol: lol: lol: lol:Four people have died in a helicopter crash in Norfolk..........
The bodies were so horribly disfigured the locals thought they were still alive....
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Marley's Ghost (Imbiber of Spirits) on March 17, 2014, 12:35:14 PM
A Roman soldier walks into a bar and asks for a Bacardus and coke.
The barman says, "Do you mean Bacardi and coke?'
The soldier replies, "If I wanted a double I would have asked for one!"
A Roman soldier walks into a bar, holds up two fingers and says, "Five beers please barman."
(In case you were wondering, the title means, 'I drink, therefore I am', in Latin.)
Post by: Darwins Selection on March 17, 2014, 12:45:25 PM
Bibo, ergo sum!
A Roman soldier walks into a bar and asks for a Bacardus and coke.
The barman says, "Do you mean Bacardi and coke?'
The soldier replies, "If I wanted a double I would have asked for one!"
A Roman soldier walks into a bar, holds up two fingers and says, "Five beers please barman."
(In case you were wondering, the title means, 'I drink, therefore I am', in Latin.)
X to I BM won't get that one. ;)
Post by: Barman on March 17, 2014, 12:47:18 PM
Bibo, ergo sum!
A Roman soldier walks into a bar and asks for a Bacardus and coke.
The barman says, "Do you mean Bacardi and coke?'
The soldier replies, "If I wanted a double I would have asked for one!"
A Roman soldier walks into a bar, holds up two fingers and says, "Five beers please barman."
(In case you were wondering, the title means, 'I drink, therefore I am', in Latin.)
X to I BM won't get that one. ;)
evil:
Post by: apc2010 on March 17, 2014, 12:51:25 PM
Bibo, ergo sum!
A Roman soldier walks into a bar and asks for a Bacardus and coke.
The barman says, "Do you mean Bacardi and coke?'
The soldier replies, "If I wanted a double I would have asked for one!"
A Roman soldier walks into a bar, holds up two fingers and says, "Five beers please barman."
(In case you were wondering, the title means, 'I drink, therefore I am', in Latin.)
X to I BM won't get that one. ;)
drumroll:
Post by: apc2010 on March 17, 2014, 08:03:08 PM
now I can't find the fucking thing........... evil:
Post by: Barman on March 17, 2014, 08:08:57 PM
Just turned my phone onto 'Airplane Mode',.........
now I can't find the fucking thing........... evil:
happy001
Post by: Baldy on March 17, 2014, 09:05:04 PM
Just turned my phone onto 'Airplane Mode',.........
now I can't find the fucking thing........... evil:
lol:
Post by: Just One More on March 18, 2014, 06:58:42 AM
Post by: apc2010 on March 18, 2014, 05:42:53 PM
I don't know, I just fly the drone.......
Post by: Baldy on March 18, 2014, 06:14:15 PM
What's the difference between an Afghani Military Base and a Pakistani Elementary School?......
I don't know, I just fly the drone.......
lol: noooo:
Post by: Barman on March 18, 2014, 06:51:38 PM
What's the difference between an Afghani Military Base and a Pakistani Elementary School?......
I don't know, I just fly the drone.......
happy001
Post by: The Moan Ranger on March 18, 2014, 08:58:06 PM
What's the difference between an Afghani Military Base and a Pakistani Elementary School?......
I don't know, I just fly the drone.......
;D ;D ;D
Post by: Just One More on March 22, 2014, 10:15:10 AM
Post by: Barman on March 22, 2014, 10:17:30 AM
Girls learn quicker than Boys & use a more complex Volcrla..... Volcavru...... Volcablua........ Bigger words!
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Nick on March 22, 2014, 05:56:13 PM
Post by: Grumpmeister on March 23, 2014, 03:18:00 AM
In my experience they just use more words than necessary and too loudly noooo:
Let me guess, usually starting along the lines of "WHAT THE HELL HAVE YOU DONE TO THE...." rubschin:
Post by: Steve on March 23, 2014, 04:20:05 PM
lol: lol: lol:Girls learn quicker than Boys & use a more complex Volcrla..... Volcavru...... Volcablua........ Bigger words!
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Steve on March 23, 2014, 04:20:24 PM
lol:In my experience they just use more words than necessary and too loudly noooo:
Let me guess, usually starting along the lines of "WHAT THE HELL HAVE YOU DONE TO THE...." rubschin:
Post by: Baldy on March 28, 2014, 06:22:03 AM
One of the guys says to his buddy, "Man you look tired."
His buddy says, "Dude I'm exhausted. My girlfriend and I have sex all the time.I just don't know what to do."
A guy in his 70s sitting a couple of stools down overheard the conversation.
He looked over at the guys and with the wisdom ofyears, he says,"Marry her. That'll put a stop to that shit!"
Post by: Barman on March 28, 2014, 06:49:05 AM
Two guys in their mid-twenties while sitting at a bar.
One of the guys says to his buddy, "Man you look tired."
His buddy says, "Dude I'm exhausted. My girlfriend and I have sex all the time.I just don't know what to do."
A guy in his 70s sitting a couple of stools down overheard the conversation.
He looked over at the guys and with the wisdom ofyears, he says,"Marry her. That'll put a stop to that shit!"
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: The Moan Ranger on March 29, 2014, 09:00:16 PM
Heinz site's a wonderful thing.
Post by: Nick on March 29, 2014, 09:07:04 PM
Post by: Barman on March 29, 2014, 09:08:42 PM
Retrospectively, I wish I'd bought my baked beans online.
Heinz site's a wonderful thing.
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Steve on March 29, 2014, 09:40:21 PM
lol: lol:Retrospectively, I wish I'd bought my baked beans online.
Heinz site's a wonderful thing.
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Baldy on April 03, 2014, 04:51:11 PM
They lined up in a straight row, totally nude, in a garden while a sexy, beautiful, big breasted, nude model danced before them.
Each priest had a small bell attached to his winkie, and they were told that anyone whose bell rang when she danced in front of them would
not be ordained because he had not reached a state of spiritual purity.
The beautiful model danced before the first candidate with no reaction.
She proceeded down the line with the same response from all the priests until she got to the final priest, Carlos.
Poor Carlos. As she danced, his bell began to ring so loudly that it flew off, clattering across the ground and laid to rest in nearby foliage.
Embarrassed, Carlos quickly scrambled to where the bell came to rest.
He bent over to pick it up... and all the other bells started to ring.
Post by: Barman on April 03, 2014, 04:53:00 PM
Twelve Italian priests were about to be ordained.
They lined up in a straight row, totally nude, in a garden while a sexy, beautiful, big breasted, nude model danced before them.
Each priest had a small bell attached to his winkie, and they were told that anyone whose bell rang when she danced in front of them would
not be ordained because he had not reached a state of spiritual purity.
The beautiful model danced before the first candidate with no reaction.
She proceeded down the line with the same response from all the priests until she got to the final priest, Carlos.
Poor Carlos. As she danced, his bell began to ring so loudly that it flew off, clattering across the ground and laid to rest in nearby foliage.
Embarrassed, Carlos quickly scrambled to where the bell came to rest.
He bent over to pick it up... and all the other bells started to ring.
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: apc2010 on April 03, 2014, 04:54:45 PM
Twelve Italian priests were about to be ordained.
They lined up in a straight row, totally nude, in a garden while a sexy, beautiful, big breasted, nude model danced before them.
Each priest had a small bell attached to his winkie, and they were told that anyone whose bell rang when she danced in front of them would
not be ordained because he had not reached a state of spiritual purity.
The beautiful model danced before the first candidate with no reaction.
She proceeded down the line with the same response from all the priests until she got to the final priest, Carlos.
Poor Carlos. As she danced, his bell began to ring so loudly that it flew off, clattering across the ground and laid to rest in nearby foliage.
Embarrassed, Carlos quickly scrambled to where the bell came to rest.
He bent over to pick it up... and all the other bells started to ring.
;D ;D ;D
Post by: Baldy on April 04, 2014, 04:48:10 PM
"Where did you get that ring?" her husband asks.
"Well, she replies, "My boss and I played the lotto and we won, so I bought it with my share of the winnings."
A week later, his wife comes home with a long shiny fur coat.
Where did you get that coat?" her husband asks.
She replies "My boss and I played the lotto and we won again, so I bought it with my share of the winnings."
Another week later, his wife comes home, driving a flaming red Ferrari,
You guessed it:
Her share of the lotto winnings....
That night, the wife asks her husband to run her a nice warm bath while she gets undressed When she enters the bathroom, she finds that there is barely enough water in the bath to cover the bath plug.
"What's this?" she asks her husband.
"Well," he replies, "We don't want to get your lotto ticket wet, do we??"
Post by: Barman on April 04, 2014, 04:50:18 PM
One day, the wife comes home with a spectacular diamond ring.
"Where did you get that ring?" her husband asks.
"Well, she replies, "My boss and I played the lotto and we won, so I bought it with my share of the winnings."
A week later, his wife comes home with a long shiny fur coat.
Where did you get that coat?" her husband asks.
She replies "My boss and I played the lotto and we won again, so I bought it with my share of the winnings."
Another week later, his wife comes home, driving a flaming red Ferrari,
You guessed it:
Her share of the lotto winnings....
That night, the wife asks her husband to run her a nice warm bath while she gets undressed When she enters the bathroom, she finds that there is barely enough water in the bath to cover the bath plug.
"What's this?" she asks her husband.
"Well," he replies, "We don't want to get your lotto ticket wet, do we??"
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Steve on April 04, 2014, 05:28:11 PM
happy001One day, the wife comes home with a spectacular diamond ring.
"Where did you get that ring?" her husband asks.
"Well, she replies, "My boss and I played the lotto and we won, so I bought it with my share of the winnings."
A week later, his wife comes home with a long shiny fur coat.
Where did you get that coat?" her husband asks.
She replies "My boss and I played the lotto and we won again, so I bought it with my share of the winnings."
Another week later, his wife comes home, driving a flaming red Ferrari,
You guessed it:
Her share of the lotto winnings....
That night, the wife asks her husband to run her a nice warm bath while she gets undressed When she enters the bathroom, she finds that there is barely enough water in the bath to cover the bath plug.
"What's this?" she asks her husband.
"Well," he replies, "We don't want to get your lotto ticket wet, do we??"
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Just One More on April 05, 2014, 08:15:33 AM
Post by: Darwins Selection on April 05, 2014, 12:15:22 PM
Post by: apc2010 on April 07, 2014, 12:43:35 PM
"Well this changes everything".......... whistle:
Post by: Barman on April 07, 2014, 12:46:01 PM
I remember the first time I saw a universal remote control, and I thought to myself.......
"Well this changes everything".......... whistle:
happy001
Post by: Darwins Selection on April 07, 2014, 04:19:46 PM
I remember the first time I saw a universal remote control, and I thought to myself.......drumroll: drumroll:
"Well this changes everything".......... whistle:
Post by: Steve on April 08, 2014, 10:56:43 AM
lol: lol:I remember the first time I saw a universal remote control, and I thought to myself.......drumroll: drumroll:
"Well this changes everything".......... whistle:
Post by: apc2010 on April 11, 2014, 11:28:49 AM
"A man has been arrested after half a million indecent images of children were found at his home in Bradford...
Our reporter Gary O'Donoghue has more."............ rubschin:
Post by: Barman on April 11, 2014, 01:03:25 PM
I was watching the news this morning when the presenter said;
"A man has been arrested after half a million indecent images of children were found at his home in Bradford...
Our reporter Gary O'Donoghue has more."............ rubschin:
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Baldy on April 11, 2014, 03:13:34 PM
I was watching the news this morning when the presenter said;
"A man has been arrested after half a million indecent images of children were found at his home in Bradford...
Our reporter Gary O'Donoghue has more."............ rubschin:
lol:
Post by: Steve on April 12, 2014, 11:46:52 AM
lol: lol: lol: lol:I was watching the news this morning when the presenter said;
"A man has been arrested after half a million indecent images of children were found at his home in Bradford...
Our reporter Gary O'Donoghue has more."............ rubschin:
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Marley's Ghost (Imbiber of Spirits) on April 12, 2014, 01:04:18 PM
lol: lol: lol: lol:I was watching the news this morning when the presenter said;
"A man has been arrested after half a million indecent images of children were found at his home in Bradford...
Our reporter Gary O'Donoghue has more."............ rubschin:
lol: lol: lol:
Expect a visit from Yewtree . . .
(Meanwhile, Jimmy Saville is stil dead)
Post by: apc2010 on April 15, 2014, 03:57:46 PM
Post by: Baldy on April 15, 2014, 04:06:00 PM
I wonder what song the radio will play after Gloria Gaynor dies.............. rubschin: rubschin:
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Darwins Selection on April 15, 2014, 04:29:53 PM
I wonder what song the radio will play after Gloria Gaynor dies.............. rubschin: rubschin:
http://youtu.be/1iwC2QljLn4 (http://youtu.be/1iwC2QljLn4)
Post by: Baldy on April 15, 2014, 04:31:59 PM
I wonder what song the radio will play after Gloria Gaynor dies.............. rubschin: rubschin:
http://youtu.be/1iwC2QljLn4 (http://youtu.be/1iwC2QljLn4)
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: apc2010 on April 15, 2014, 04:35:22 PM
I wonder what song the radio will play after Gloria Gaynor dies.............. rubschin: rubschin:
http://youtu.be/1iwC2QljLn4 (http://youtu.be/1iwC2QljLn4)
lol: lol: lol:
;D ;D ;D ;D
Post by: apc2010 on April 17, 2014, 10:09:31 AM
Fuck off Oscar, I'm not falling for that one!............ redface:
Post by: Baldy on April 17, 2014, 10:19:23 AM
Fancy coming back to mine for a few shots ?
Fuck off Oscar, I'm not falling for that one!............ redface:
lol:
Post by: Barman on April 17, 2014, 10:30:04 AM
Fancy coming back to mine for a few shots ?
Fuck off Oscar, I'm not falling for that one!............ redface:
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: apc2010 on April 19, 2014, 09:59:36 PM
Post by: Darwins Selection on April 21, 2014, 07:10:42 PM
It's a slippery slope. . . .
Post by: apc2010 on April 21, 2014, 07:15:11 PM
That Korean ferry captain getting off before the passengers then pretending to be a victim when rescued. noooo:
It's a slippery slope. . . .
;D ;D thank you Jeremy.......
Post by: Barman on April 22, 2014, 05:46:47 AM
That Korean ferry captain getting off before the passengers then pretending to be a victim when rescued. noooo:
It's a slippery slope. . . .
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Baldy on April 22, 2014, 10:21:54 AM
I recently picked a new G.P.
After two visits and exhaustive Lab tests, he said I was doing 'fairly well' for my age.
(I've just reached 65).
A little concerned about that comment, I couldn't resist asking him, 'Do you think I'll live
to be 85?'
He asked, 'Do you smoke tobacco, or drink beer, wine or hard liquor?
'Oh not much grog these days and don't smoke' I replied. 'I'm not doing drugs, either!'
Then he asked, 'Do you eat rib-eye steaks, fatty roasts and barbecued Ribs?
'I said, 'Not much.... my former doctor said that all red meat is very unhealthy!'
'Do you spend a lot of time in the sun, like playing golf, boating, sailing, surfing, hiking,
or bicycling?'
'No, I don't,' I said.
He asked, 'Do you gamble, drive fast cars, or have lots of sex?'
'No,' I said...
He looked at me and said,.. 'Then, why the Hell do you want to live to 85?
Post by: Barman on April 22, 2014, 10:23:35 AM
Will You Live to see 85?
I recently picked a new G.P.
After two visits and exhaustive Lab tests, he said I was doing 'fairly well' for my age.
(I've just reached 65).
A little concerned about that comment, I couldn't resist asking him, 'Do you think I'll live
to be 85?'
He asked, 'Do you smoke tobacco, or drink beer, wine or hard liquor?
'Oh not much grog these days and don't smoke' I replied. 'I'm not doing drugs, either!'
Then he asked, 'Do you eat rib-eye steaks, fatty roasts and barbecued Ribs?
'I said, 'Not much.... my former doctor said that all red meat is very unhealthy!'
'Do you spend a lot of time in the sun, like playing golf, boating, sailing, surfing, hiking,
or bicycling?'
'No, I don't,' I said.
He asked, 'Do you gamble, drive fast cars, or have lots of sex?'
'No,' I said...
He looked at me and said,.. 'Then, why the Hell do you want to live to 85?
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Steve on April 22, 2014, 10:32:04 AM
happy001Will You Live to see 85?
I recently picked a new G.P.
After two visits and exhaustive Lab tests, he said I was doing 'fairly well' for my age.
(I've just reached 65).
A little concerned about that comment, I couldn't resist asking him, 'Do you think I'll live
to be 85?'
He asked, 'Do you smoke tobacco, or drink beer, wine or hard liquor?
'Oh not much grog these days and don't smoke' I replied. 'I'm not doing drugs, either!'
Then he asked, 'Do you eat rib-eye steaks, fatty roasts and barbecued Ribs?
'I said, 'Not much.... my former doctor said that all red meat is very unhealthy!'
'Do you spend a lot of time in the sun, like playing golf, boating, sailing, surfing, hiking,
or bicycling?'
'No, I don't,' I said.
He asked, 'Do you gamble, drive fast cars, or have lots of sex?'
'No,' I said...
He looked at me and said,.. 'Then, why the Hell do you want to live to 85?
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Uncle Mort on April 22, 2014, 12:00:33 PM
happy001Will You Live to see 85?
I recently picked a new G.P.
After two visits and exhaustive Lab tests, he said I was doing 'fairly well' for my age.
(I've just reached 65).
A little concerned about that comment, I couldn't resist asking him, 'Do you think I'll live
to be 85?'
He asked, 'Do you smoke tobacco, or drink beer, wine or hard liquor?
'Oh not much grog these days and don't smoke' I replied. 'I'm not doing drugs, either!'
Then he asked, 'Do you eat rib-eye steaks, fatty roasts and barbecued Ribs?
'I said, 'Not much.... my former doctor said that all red meat is very unhealthy!'
'Do you spend a lot of time in the sun, like playing golf, boating, sailing, surfing, hiking,
or bicycling?'
'No, I don't,' I said.
He asked, 'Do you gamble, drive fast cars, or have lots of sex?'
'No,' I said...
He looked at me and said,.. 'Then, why the Hell do you want to live to 85?
lol: lol: lol:
Excellent! and so true :thumbsup:
Post by: Nick on April 22, 2014, 02:11:22 PM
Post by: Uncle Mort on April 22, 2014, 03:05:37 PM
Post by: Baldy on April 27, 2014, 04:57:28 PM
An elderly couple had just learned how to send text messages on their cell
phones. The wife was a romantic type and the husband was more of a
no-nonsense guy.
One afternoon the wife went out to meet a friend for coffee. She decided
to send her husband a romantic text message and she wrote:
"If you are sleeping, send me your dreams. If you are laughing, send me your smile. If you are eating, send me a bite. If you are drinking, send me a sip. If you are crying, send me your tears. I love you."
The husband texted back to her:
"I'm on the toilet. Please advise."
Post by: Barman on April 27, 2014, 05:05:22 PM
LOVE......has no boundaries.
An elderly couple had just learned how to send text messages on their cell
phones. The wife was a romantic type and the husband was more of a
no-nonsense guy.
One afternoon the wife went out to meet a friend for coffee. She decided
to send her husband a romantic text message and she wrote:
"If you are sleeping, send me your dreams. If you are laughing, send me your smile. If you are eating, send me a bite. If you are drinking, send me a sip. If you are crying, send me your tears. I love you."
The husband texted back to her:
"I'm on the toilet. Please advise."
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: apc2010 on April 27, 2014, 08:14:42 PM
we'll be hearing about it for the next 25 years........... noooo:
(plus the fans will be crushed redface: )
Post by: Barman on April 27, 2014, 08:17:08 PM
Hope Liverpool's title dream doesn't die.....
we'll be hearing about it for the next 25 years........... noooo:
(plus the fans will be crushed redface: )
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Steve on April 27, 2014, 08:57:43 PM
lol: lol: lol: lol:LOVE......has no boundaries.
An elderly couple had just learned how to send text messages on their cell
phones. The wife was a romantic type and the husband was more of a
no-nonsense guy.
One afternoon the wife went out to meet a friend for coffee. She decided
to send her husband a romantic text message and she wrote:
"If you are sleeping, send me your dreams. If you are laughing, send me your smile. If you are eating, send me a bite. If you are drinking, send me a sip. If you are crying, send me your tears. I love you."
The husband texted back to her:
"I'm on the toilet. Please advise."
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: apc2010 on April 29, 2014, 10:08:22 AM
Make that 51 ways......... rubschin:
Post by: Barman on April 29, 2014, 10:26:02 AM
Breaking News: Paul Simon has been charged with domestic violence.........
Make that 51 ways......... rubschin:
lol: lol: lol:
Earworm alert! cussing:
Post by: Baldy on April 29, 2014, 10:31:07 AM
Breaking News: Paul Simon has been charged with domestic violence.........
Make that 51 ways......... rubschin:
lol:
Post by: Darwins Selection on April 29, 2014, 11:00:14 AM
lol: lol:Breaking News: Paul Simon has been charged with domestic violence.........
Make that 51 ways......... rubschin:
lol:
Post by: Steve on April 29, 2014, 02:21:03 PM
lol: lol: lol:lol: lol:Breaking News: Paul Simon has been charged with domestic violence.........
Make that 51 ways......... rubschin:
lol:
Post by: Darwins Selection on May 04, 2014, 06:59:26 PM
The paramedic asked Paddy what had happened, "Well", he said, "I was in the pub last night talking to an old boy who had been in the RAF in the war. He told me he spent all his time flying in Wellingtons, so I thought I would give it a try"
redface:
Post by: Steve on May 04, 2014, 07:43:35 PM
During construction of 'The Shard' in London, Paramedics were called to tend to Paddy, who appeared to have fallen from the top, and was embedded in a pile of sand with every bone broken.
The paramedic asked Paddy what had happened, "Well", he said, "I was in the pub last night talking to an old boy who had been in the RAF in the war. He told me he spent all his time flying in Wellingtons, so I thought I would give it a try"
redface:
happy001
Post by: apc2010 on May 04, 2014, 08:04:07 PM
During construction of 'The Shard' in London, Paramedics were called to tend to Paddy, who appeared to have fallen from the top, and was embedded in a pile of sand with every bone broken.
The paramedic asked Paddy what had happened, "Well", he said, "I was in the pub last night talking to an old boy who had been in the RAF in the war. He told me he spent all his time flying in Wellingtons, so I thought I would give it a try"
redface:
happy001
;D ;D
Post by: Barman on May 05, 2014, 05:57:19 AM
During construction of 'The Shard' in London, Paramedics were called to tend to Paddy, who appeared to have fallen from the top, and was embedded in a pile of sand with every bone broken.
The paramedic asked Paddy what had happened, "Well", he said, "I was in the pub last night talking to an old boy who had been in the RAF in the war. He told me he spent all his time flying in Wellingtons, so I thought I would give it a try"
redface:
happy001
;D ;D
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Baldy on May 05, 2014, 07:50:43 AM
During construction of 'The Shard' in London, Paramedics were called to tend to Paddy, who appeared to have fallen from the top, and was embedded in a pile of sand with every bone broken.
The paramedic asked Paddy what had happened, "Well", he said, "I was in the pub last night talking to an old boy who had been in the RAF in the war. He told me he spent all his time flying in Wellingtons, so I thought I would give it a try"
redface:
happy001
;D ;D
lol: lol: lol:
lol: lol: lol: lol:
Post by: apc2010 on May 05, 2014, 04:36:28 PM
1) Lay on the floor...........
2) Shake uncontrollably..........
Post by: Darwins Selection on May 05, 2014, 05:35:06 PM
Fitting instructions:lol: lol: lol:
1) Lay on the floor...........
2) Shake uncontrollably..........
Post by: Nick on May 05, 2014, 06:14:14 PM
Post by: Steve on May 05, 2014, 06:40:00 PM
lol: lol: lol: lol:Fitting instructions:lol: lol: lol:
1) Lay on the floor...........
2) Shake uncontrollably..........
Post by: Baldy on May 05, 2014, 10:25:31 PM
BM after a night with Swillmore ::)
lol: lol:
Post by: Barman on May 07, 2014, 07:54:23 AM
Fitting instructions:
1) Lay on the floor...........
2) Shake uncontrollably..........
happy001
Post by: apc2010 on May 07, 2014, 10:45:27 AM
Our reporter Mike Kemp is on the Line'......... rubschin:
Post by: Darwins Selection on May 07, 2014, 11:33:55 AM
BBC News , 'Man killed at railway crossing in york ...lol:
Our reporter Mike Kemp is on the Line'......... rubschin:
Post by: Barman on May 07, 2014, 11:39:06 AM
BBC News , 'Man killed at railway crossing in york ...
Our reporter Mike Kemp is on the Line'......... rubschin:
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: apc2010 on May 10, 2014, 02:37:39 PM
He says to Paddy, "I'm here to install your new sky."
Paddy replies, "Thank god, it looks like it's about to piss down.".........
Post by: Steve on May 10, 2014, 02:43:35 PM
The satellite man calls at Paddy's door.....lol:
He says to Paddy, "I'm here to install your new sky."
Paddy replies, "Thank god, it looks like it's about to piss down.".........
Post by: Barman on May 10, 2014, 02:48:58 PM
The satellite man calls at Paddy's door.....
He says to Paddy, "I'm here to install your new sky."
Paddy replies, "Thank god, it looks like it's about to piss down.".........
lol: lol:
Post by: apc2010 on May 17, 2014, 01:28:46 PM
I think you will find it's spelt " Rolls "........... noooo:
Post by: Barman on May 17, 2014, 01:29:34 PM
BBC News - Women set to be allowed to serve combat roles on the front line ........
I think you will find it's spelt " Rolls "........... noooo:
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Darwins Selection on May 17, 2014, 03:22:54 PM
lol: lol: lol: lol:BBC News - Women set to be allowed to serve combat roles on the front line ........
I think you will find it's spelt " Rolls "........... noooo:
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Baldy on May 17, 2014, 07:28:06 PM
lol: lol: lol: lol:BBC News - Women set to be allowed to serve combat roles on the front line ........
I think you will find it's spelt " Rolls "........... noooo:
lol: lol: lol:
lol: lol: lol: lol: lol:
Post by: boogs on May 17, 2014, 07:39:00 PM
BBC News - Women set to be allowed to serve combat roles on the front line ........
I think you will find it's spelt " Rolls "........... noooo:
::) ::) ::)
Post by: Baldy on May 17, 2014, 07:44:49 PM
BBC News - Women set to be allowed to serve combat roles on the front line ........
I think you will find it's spelt " Rolls "........... noooo:
::) ::) ::)
Zackly. noooo:
Post by: boogs on May 17, 2014, 07:46:42 PM
BBC News - Women set to be allowed to serve combat roles on the front line ........
I think you will find it's spelt " Rolls "........... noooo:
::) ::) ::)
Zackly. noooo:
evil:
Post by: Baldy on May 17, 2014, 07:51:35 PM
BBC News - Women set to be allowed to serve combat roles on the front line ........
I think you will find it's spelt " Rolls "........... noooo:
::) ::) ::)
Zackly. noooo:
evil:
angel1
Post by: Just One More on May 24, 2014, 03:58:12 PM
I don't envy the person who has the job of Courtroom Artist at Rolf Harris' trial.
Talk about pressure!
Post by: Just One More on May 24, 2014, 03:59:00 PM
Post by: Just One More on May 24, 2014, 04:04:21 PM
Post by: Just One More on May 24, 2014, 04:05:00 PM
Post by: Steve on May 24, 2014, 08:25:25 PM
Post by: boogs on May 24, 2014, 09:00:51 PM
There goes my 15 mins of fame on TV went on that Take me out thing and shot two people... I was never good at understanding folk who said take me out.lol: lol:
Post by: boogs on May 24, 2014, 09:01:47 PM
An old man and an old lady are getting ready for bed one night when all of a sudden the woman bursts out of the bathroom, flings open her robe and yells "Super Pussy!" The old man says "I'll have the soup."
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: boogs on May 24, 2014, 09:05:17 PM
Possibly Affs rubschin:
I don't envy the person who has the job of Courtroom Artist at Rolf Harris' trial.
Talk about pressure!
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Baldy on May 25, 2014, 05:31:16 AM
Possibly Affs rubschin:
I don't envy the person who has the job of Courtroom Artist at Rolf Harris' trial.
Talk about pressure!
lol: lol:
Post by: Baldy on May 25, 2014, 05:31:46 AM
I saw an old man in the park today feeding the pigeons and I thought to myself I wonder how long he has been dead for....
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Baldy on May 25, 2014, 05:32:17 AM
An old man and an old lady are getting ready for bed one night when all of a sudden the woman bursts out of the bathroom, flings open her robe and yells "Super Pussy!" The old man says "I'll have the soup."
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Barman on May 25, 2014, 08:38:14 AM
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: apc2010 on June 21, 2014, 10:42:20 AM
He is flying the plane back on wedensday!............................. Thumbs:
Post by: Barman on June 21, 2014, 11:09:47 AM
England footy team have a new captain ..............
He is flying the plane back on wedensday!............................. Thumbs:
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: apc2010 on June 22, 2014, 12:11:32 PM
Whenever a world cup game is on lets eat something to do with that team for tea that night.'''
Mexico was on, we had burritos...
Japan was on, we had sushi....
Usa was on, we had burgers...
Italy was on, we had pizza....
Tuesday is england........ rubschin:
So we are going out.........
Post by: Steve on June 22, 2014, 12:30:20 PM
Miss T said to me....lol:
Whenever a world cup game is on lets eat something to do with that team for tea that night.'''
Mexico was on, we had burritos...
Japan was on, we had sushi....
Usa was on, we had burgers...
Italy was on, we had pizza....
Tuesday is england........ rubschin:
So we are going out.........
or have tikka marsala?
Post by: Barman on June 22, 2014, 06:02:50 PM
Miss T said to me....
Whenever a world cup game is on lets eat something to do with that team for tea that night.'''
Mexico was on, we had burritos...
Japan was on, we had sushi....
Usa was on, we had burgers...
Italy was on, we had pizza....
Tuesday is england........ rubschin:
So we are going out.........
tunble:
Post by: apc2010 on June 22, 2014, 06:03:43 PM
Miss T said to me....
Whenever a world cup game is on lets eat something to do with that team for tea that night.'''
Mexico was on, we had burritos...
Japan was on, we had sushi....
Usa was on, we had burgers...
Italy was on, we had pizza....
Tuesday is england........ rubschin:
So we are going out.........
tunble:
It's a footy joke......... ::)
Post by: Barman on June 22, 2014, 06:14:42 PM
Miss T said to me....
Whenever a world cup game is on lets eat something to do with that team for tea that night.'''
Mexico was on, we had burritos...
Japan was on, we had sushi....
Usa was on, we had burgers...
Italy was on, we had pizza....
Tuesday is england........ rubschin:
So we are going out.........
tunble:
It's a footy joke......... ::)
Oh.... ::)
Post by: apc2010 on June 22, 2014, 06:18:18 PM
Miss T said to me....
Whenever a world cup game is on lets eat something to do with that team for tea that night.'''
Mexico was on, we had burritos...
Japan was on, we had sushi....
Usa was on, we had burgers...
Italy was on, we had pizza....
Tuesday is england........ rubschin:
So we are going out.........
tunble:
It's a footy joke......... ::)
Oh.... ::)
Coz England are out......... cussing:
Post by: Barman on June 22, 2014, 06:21:26 PM
Miss T said to me....
Whenever a world cup game is on lets eat something to do with that team for tea that night.'''
Mexico was on, we had burritos...
Japan was on, we had sushi....
Usa was on, we had burgers...
Italy was on, we had pizza....
Tuesday is england........ rubschin:
So we are going out.........
tunble:
It's a footy joke......... ::)
Oh.... ::)
Coz England are out......... cussing:
Oh... tunble:
Post by: Darwins Selection on June 22, 2014, 09:21:56 PM
Miss T said to me....
Whenever a world cup game is on lets eat something to do with that team for tea that night.'''
Mexico was on, we had burritos...
Japan was on, we had sushi....
Usa was on, we had burgers...
Italy was on, we had pizza....
Tuesday is england........ rubschin:
So we are going out.........
tunble:
It's a footy joke......... ::)
Oh.... ::)
Coz England are out......... cussing:
All poofters like?
Post by: Barman on June 23, 2014, 05:21:16 AM
Miss T said to me....
Whenever a world cup game is on lets eat something to do with that team for tea that night.'''
Mexico was on, we had burritos...
Japan was on, we had sushi....
Usa was on, we had burgers...
Italy was on, we had pizza....
Tuesday is england........ rubschin:
So we are going out.........
tunble:
It's a footy joke......... ::)
Oh.... ::)
Coz England are out......... cussing:
All poofters like?
lol:
Post by: apc2010 on July 01, 2014, 02:03:53 PM
DVD compilation of footballers with ball at corner flag, near end of a match................
No time wasters, please. ..........
(someone else can explain to BM.. noooo: )
Post by: Barman on July 01, 2014, 02:15:06 PM
**FOR SALE**
DVD compilation of footballers with ball at corner flag, near end of a match................
No time wasters, please. ..........
(someone else can explain to BM.. noooo: )
lol: lol: lol: I got it! Thumbs:
Post by: Baldy on July 01, 2014, 03:42:26 PM
**FOR SALE**
DVD compilation of footballers with ball at corner flag, near end of a match................
No time wasters, please. ..........
(someone else can explain to BM.. noooo: )
lol: lol: lol: I got it! Thumbs:
That is why it has been posted in "Hat, Coat". noooo:
Post by: Barman on July 01, 2014, 04:13:48 PM
**FOR SALE**
DVD compilation of footballers with ball at corner flag, near end of a match................
No time wasters, please. ..........
(someone else can explain to BM.. noooo: )
lol: lol: lol: I got it! Thumbs:
That is why it has been posted in "Hat, Coat". noooo:
I'll get me coat..... redface:
Post by: Steve on July 08, 2014, 06:17:41 PM
The teacher gave her fifth grade class an assignment: Get their parents to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it. The next day, the kids came back and one by one, began to tell their stories.
There were all the regular types of stuff: spilled milk and pennies saved. But then the teacher realised much to her dismay, that only Janie was left.
"Janie, do you have a story to share?"
'Yes ma'am. My daddy told me a story about my Mummy. She was a Marine pilot in Desert Storm and her plane was hit. She had to bail out over enemy territory and all she had was a flask of whisky, a pistol and a survival knife.
She drank the whisky on the way down so the bottle wouldn't break and then her parachute landed her right in the middle of 20 Iraqi troops. She shot 15 of them with the pistol, until she ran out of bullets, killed four more with the knife, till the blade broke and then she killed the last Iraqi with her bare hands."
''Good Heavens,' said the horrified teacher. What did your Daddy tell you was the moral to this horrible story?"
"Don't f*** with Mummy when she's been on the piss."
Post by: Barman on July 08, 2014, 06:24:08 PM
Woman Pilot ~ A Touching Story
The teacher gave her fifth grade class an assignment: Get their parents to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it. The next day, the kids came back and one by one, began to tell their stories.
There were all the regular types of stuff: spilled milk and pennies saved. But then the teacher realised much to her dismay, that only Janie was left.
"Janie, do you have a story to share?"
'Yes ma'am. My daddy told me a story about my Mummy. She was a Marine pilot in Desert Storm and her plane was hit. She had to bail out over enemy territory and all she had was a flask of whisky, a pistol and a survival knife.
She drank the whisky on the way down so the bottle wouldn't break and then her parachute landed her right in the middle of 20 Iraqi troops. She shot 15 of them with the pistol, until she ran out of bullets, killed four more with the knife, till the blade broke and then she killed the last Iraqi with her bare hands."
''Good Heavens,' said the horrified teacher. What did your Daddy tell you was the moral to this horrible story?"
"Don't f*** with Mummy when she's been on the piss."
happy001
Post by: Baldy on July 08, 2014, 07:30:12 PM
Woman Pilot ~ A Touching Story
The teacher gave her fifth grade class an assignment: Get their parents to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it. The next day, the kids came back and one by one, began to tell their stories.
There were all the regular types of stuff: spilled milk and pennies saved. But then the teacher realised much to her dismay, that only Janie was left.
"Janie, do you have a story to share?"
'Yes ma'am. My daddy told me a story about my Mummy. She was a Marine pilot in Desert Storm and her plane was hit. She had to bail out over enemy territory and all she had was a flask of whisky, a pistol and a survival knife.
She drank the whisky on the way down so the bottle wouldn't break and then her parachute landed her right in the middle of 20 Iraqi troops. She shot 15 of them with the pistol, until she ran out of bullets, killed four more with the knife, till the blade broke and then she killed the last Iraqi with her bare hands."
''Good Heavens,' said the horrified teacher. What did your Daddy tell you was the moral to this horrible story?"
"Don't f*** with Mummy when she's been on the piss."
lol: lol:
Post by: apc2010 on July 19, 2014, 03:00:52 PM
On the entrance exam we were asked to rearrange the letters 'PNEIS' and form the name of an important human body part which is most useful when erect ..........
Those who answered spine are doctors today while the rest of us are sending shit jokes via forums.............. redface:
Post by: Barman on July 19, 2014, 03:25:30 PM
When I was young I hoped to go to Medical School .........
On the entrance exam we were asked to rearrange the letters 'PNEIS' and form the name of an important human body part which is most useful when erect ..........
Those who answered spine are doctors today while the rest of us are sending shit jokes via forums.............. redface:
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: boogs on July 19, 2014, 04:18:10 PM
Woman Pilot ~ A Touching Story
The teacher gave her fifth grade class an assignment: Get their parents to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it. The next day, the kids came back and one by one, began to tell their stories.
There were all the regular types of stuff: spilled milk and pennies saved. But then the teacher realised much to her dismay, that only Janie was left.
"Janie, do you have a story to share?"
'Yes ma'am. My daddy told me a story about my Mummy. She was a Marine pilot in Desert Storm and her plane was hit. She had to bail out over enemy territory and all she had was a flask of whisky, a pistol and a survival knife.
She drank the whisky on the way down so the bottle wouldn't break and then her parachute landed her right in the middle of 20 Iraqi troops. She shot 15 of them with the pistol, until she ran out of bullets, killed four more with the knife, till the blade broke and then she killed the last Iraqi with her bare hands."
''Good Heavens,' said the horrified teacher. What did your Daddy tell you was the moral to this horrible story?"
"Don't f*** with Mummy when she's been on the piss."
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: boogs on July 19, 2014, 04:19:24 PM
When I was young I hoped to go to Medical School .........
On the entrance exam we were asked to rearrange the letters 'PNEIS' and form the name of an important human body part which is most useful when erect ..........
Those who answered spine are doctors today while the rest of us are sending shit jokes via forums.............. redface:
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Steve on July 19, 2014, 07:04:46 PM
happy001When I was young I hoped to go to Medical School .........
On the entrance exam we were asked to rearrange the letters 'PNEIS' and form the name of an important human body part which is most useful when erect ..........
Those who answered spine are doctors today while the rest of us are sending shit jokes via forums.............. redface:
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: apc2010 on July 24, 2014, 10:42:20 PM
.t
they had NO chance of staying up really, did they................. noooo:
(BM that was a footy joke )
Post by: Barman on July 25, 2014, 04:24:10 AM
Cardiff City, owned by Malaysians...
.t
they had NO chance of staying up really, did they................. noooo:
(BM that was a footy joke )
tunble:
Post by: Just One More on August 12, 2014, 05:51:01 AM
"His face was a complete mess," said the coroner, "but his lungs were mint."
Post by: Barman on August 12, 2014, 05:53:22 AM
A man has been killed after an e-cigarette exploded in his mouth.
"His face was a complete mess," said the coroner, "but his lungs were mint."
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: beerhead on August 12, 2014, 03:56:23 PM
George Osborne saw a little old lady struggling with two heavy bags of shopping, "You shouldn't be struggling with those two bags of shopping, let me help," he said.
So he halved her pension so she could only afford one in future.
Post by: Barman on August 12, 2014, 05:02:40 PM
George Osborne saw a little old lady struggling with two heavy bags of shopping, "You shouldn't be struggling with those two bags of shopping, let me help," he said.
So he halved her pension so she could only afford one in future.
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Steve on August 12, 2014, 05:31:08 PM
lol: lol: lol: lol:lol: lol: lol:
George Osborne saw a little old lady struggling with two heavy bags of shopping, "You shouldn't be struggling with those two bags of shopping, let me help," he said.
So he halved her pension so she could only afford one in future.
Post by: Just One More on August 25, 2014, 11:01:10 AM
Post by: Barman on August 25, 2014, 11:22:20 AM
I saved £39.28p today by shoplifting at Tesco "Every little helps"....
;D
Post by: Just One More on August 25, 2014, 11:40:52 AM
Post by: apc2010 on August 25, 2014, 11:42:20 AM
Post by: Barman on August 25, 2014, 12:39:16 PM
Missed out on the clubcard points though cry:
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Grumpmeister on September 17, 2014, 07:19:32 PM
I once knew a girl who confused a tube of KY jelly with superglue. I asked her how it happened but sadly her lips were sealed.
redface:
Post by: Barman on September 17, 2014, 07:26:23 PM
I live next door to a family of anorexic agrophobics. Bet they have some skeletons in their closet.
I once knew a girl who confused a tube of KY jelly with superglue. I asked her how it happened but sadly her lips were sealed.
redface:
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Steve on September 17, 2014, 09:13:35 PM
lol: lol: lol: lol:I live next door to a family of anorexic agrophobics. Bet they have some skeletons in their closet.
I once knew a girl who confused a tube of KY jelly with superglue. I asked her how it happened but sadly her lips were sealed.
redface:
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: apc2010 on October 16, 2014, 04:23:33 PM
I reckon he caught that tombola........ rubschin:
Post by: Barman on October 16, 2014, 05:04:08 PM
My mate's just come back from Africa......he can't stop buying raffle tickets.........
I reckon he caught that tombola........ rubschin:
happy001
Post by: Darwins Selection on October 16, 2014, 05:15:48 PM
My mate's just come back from Africa......he can't stop buying raffle tickets.........drumroll: drumroll:
I reckon he caught that tombola........ rubschin:
Post by: boogs on October 16, 2014, 07:00:28 PM
My mate's just come back from Africa......he can't stop buying raffle tickets.........
I reckon he caught that tombola........ rubschin:
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Just One More on October 21, 2014, 07:01:01 PM
May he "erect a penis"
Post by: Barman on October 21, 2014, 07:02:17 PM
Just found out that the inventor of the anagram has died!
May he "erect a penis"
;D
Post by: apc2010 on October 21, 2014, 07:05:13 PM
Just found out that the inventor of the anagram has died!
May he "erect a penis"
;D
;D ;D
Post by: Baldy on October 21, 2014, 10:39:25 PM
Just found out that the inventor of the anagram has died!
May he "erect a penis"
;D
;D ;D
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Barman on October 24, 2014, 02:33:59 PM
As a show of respect, we’ve just had 2 minutes noise at his funeral...
Post by: apc2010 on October 24, 2014, 02:35:54 PM
The local mime artist died last week.
As a show of respect, we’ve just had 2 minutes noise at his funeral...
;D
Post by: Darwins Selection on October 24, 2014, 02:42:59 PM
;D ;DThe local mime artist died last week.
As a show of respect, we’ve just had 2 minutes noise at his funeral...
;D
Post by: Baldy on October 26, 2014, 09:11:09 AM
;D ;DThe local mime artist died last week.
As a show of respect, we’ve just had 2 minutes noise at his funeral...
;D
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Barman on October 31, 2014, 01:38:54 PM
How long before they come across a container full of illegal immigrants?
Post by: boogs on October 31, 2014, 08:30:09 PM
There’s now a UK version of Storage Hunters on TV.
How long before they come across a container full of illegal immigrants?
2nd episode Thumbs:
Post by: apc2010 on November 05, 2014, 06:47:38 PM
Then the whole cementry disappeared.........
Post by: Barman on November 05, 2014, 06:53:26 PM
They have just buried the bloke who invented Tetrus...........
Then the whole cementry disappeared.........
Tetris.... ::)
...and cemetery.... ::)
Post by: apc2010 on November 05, 2014, 06:54:36 PM
They have just buried the bloke who invented Tetrus...........
Then the whole cementry disappeared.........
Tetris.... ::)
...and cemetery.... ::)
Thumbs:
Post by: Barman on November 05, 2014, 06:56:39 PM
They have just buried the bloke who invented Tetrus...........
Then the whole cementry disappeared.........
Tetris.... ::)
...and cemetery.... ::)
Thumbs:
noooo:
Nick would tear his ginger beard out.... noooo:
Oh wait... Thumbs:
happy001
Post by: Nick on November 05, 2014, 07:26:26 PM
Post by: Darwins Selection on November 05, 2014, 08:47:00 PM
They have just buried the bloke who invented Tetrus...........
Then the whole cementry disappeared.........
Tetris.... ::)
...and cemetery.... ::)
Concretary?
Post by: Barman on November 05, 2014, 08:47:43 PM
They have just buried the bloke who invented Tetrus...........
Then the whole cementry disappeared.........
Tetris.... ::)
...and cemetery.... ::)
Concretary?
happy001
Post by: apc2010 on November 10, 2014, 05:40:10 PM
The barman says, "Not Yew Tree again."........... whistle:
Post by: Steve on November 10, 2014, 08:21:03 PM
Rolf Harris, Stuart Hall and Jimmy Savile walk into a bar in Ireland.........happy001
The barman says, "Not Yew Tree again."........... whistle:
Post by: Barman on November 10, 2014, 08:33:21 PM
Rolf Harris, Stuart Hall and Jimmy Savile walk into a bar in Ireland.........
The barman says, "Not Yew Tree again."........... whistle:
tunble:
Post by: apc2010 on November 10, 2014, 08:34:31 PM
Rolf Harris, Stuart Hall and Jimmy Savile walk into a bar in Ireland.........
The barman says, "Not Yew Tree again."........... whistle:
tunble:
Pelb........ noooo:
Post by: Barman on November 10, 2014, 08:36:35 PM
Rolf Harris, Stuart Hall and Jimmy Savile walk into a bar in Ireland.........
The barman says, "Not Yew Tree again."........... whistle:
tunble:
Pelb........ noooo:
Pelb! happy001
Post by: apc2010 on November 10, 2014, 08:39:14 PM
Rolf Harris, Stuart Hall and Jimmy Savile walk into a bar in Ireland.........
The barman says, "Not Yew Tree again."........... whistle:
tunble:
Pelb........ noooo:
Pelb! happy001
See now you are laughing....... Thumbs:
(bollocks redface: )
Post by: Barman on November 10, 2014, 08:41:30 PM
Rolf Harris, Stuart Hall and Jimmy Savile walk into a bar in Ireland.........
The barman says, "Not Yew Tree again."........... whistle:
tunble:
Pelb........ noooo:
Pelb! happy001
See now you are laughing....... Thumbs:
(bollocks redface: )
point:
Post by: apc2010 on November 11, 2014, 07:58:10 PM
His funfair will be hello on Sundial.........
Post by: Steve on November 11, 2014, 08:50:43 PM
The inventor of predictive text has died..........lol: lol: lol:
His funfair will be hello on Sundial.........
Post by: Barman on November 12, 2014, 06:05:39 AM
The inventor of predictive text has died..........
His funfair will be hello on Sundial.........
lol: lol: lol:
You are Ronnie barker - I claim my €5
Post by: Baldy on November 12, 2014, 06:39:00 AM
The inventor of predictive text has died..........
His funfair will be hello on Sundial.........
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Darwins Selection on November 12, 2014, 02:28:51 PM
The inventor of predictive text has died..........
His funfair will be hello on Sundial.........
lol: lol: lol:
lol: lol: lol: lol:
Post by: apc2010 on November 20, 2014, 04:21:31 PM
Which is an Islamic trait................................. rubschin:
A.heading
B.heading
C.heading
Post by: Nick on November 20, 2014, 04:22:22 PM
Post by: apc2010 on November 20, 2014, 04:23:31 PM
AFFS cussing: cussing: cussing: cussing: cussing:
redface:
Post by: Just One More on November 23, 2014, 09:32:50 AM
Post by: apc2010 on November 23, 2014, 09:34:38 AM
Its nearly that time of year again...when that fat cunt with the beard comes with shitty presents for the kids. .I feckin' hate the mother in law
;D ;D ;D
Post by: Barman on November 23, 2014, 09:54:01 AM
Its nearly that time of year again...when that fat cunt with the beard comes with shitty presents for the kids. .I feckin' hate the mother in law
happy002
Post by: Darwins Selection on November 23, 2014, 07:24:26 PM
Its nearly that time of year again...when that fat cunt with the beard comes with shitty presents for the kids. .I feckin' hate the mother in law
;D ;D ;D
lol: lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Steve on November 23, 2014, 08:38:43 PM
lol: lol: lol: lol: lol:Its nearly that time of year again...when that fat cunt with the beard comes with shitty presents for the kids. .I feckin' hate the mother in law
;D ;D ;D
lol: lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Baldy on November 24, 2014, 06:43:00 PM
lol: lol: lol: lol: lol:Its nearly that time of year again...when that fat cunt with the beard comes with shitty presents for the kids. .I feckin' hate the mother in law
;D ;D ;D
lol: lol: lol: lol:
lol: lol: lol: lol: lol: lol:
Post by: apc2010 on November 30, 2014, 08:30:16 AM
Or an ATM machine as decent people fucking call them..........
Post by: Barman on November 30, 2014, 08:36:39 AM
I saw two women having a nice long chat at one of those 'female talking areas' in town earlier.......
Or an ATM machine as decent people fucking call them..........
happy001
Or the fucking checkout at Lidl! cussing:
Post by: Baldy on November 30, 2014, 11:01:41 AM
I saw two women having a nice long chat at one of those 'female talking areas' in town earlier.......
Or an ATM machine as decent people fucking call them..........
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Just One More on December 03, 2014, 07:29:22 AM
I saw two women having a nice long chat at one of those 'female talking areas' in town earlier.......
Or an ATM machine as decent people fucking call them..........
lol: lol: lol: lol:
Post by: The Moan Ranger on December 03, 2014, 08:19:09 AM
Post by: Barman on December 03, 2014, 08:23:04 AM
It was hard getting over my addiction to the Hokey Cokey. But I’ve turned myself around and that’s what it’s all about.
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: apc2010 on December 03, 2014, 08:44:25 AM
It was hard getting over my addiction to the Hokey Cokey. But I’ve turned myself around and that’s what it’s all about.
lol: lol: lol:
;D ;D noooo:
Post by: apc2010 on December 03, 2014, 05:29:47 PM
Post by: Barman on December 03, 2014, 06:05:39 PM
Whoever wrote the headline "Muhammad the most popular boy's name in the UK" really needs to look up the dictionary definitions of popular and common............ noooo:
;D
Post by: Baldy on December 04, 2014, 06:48:19 AM
Whoever wrote the headline "Muhammad the most popular boy's name in the UK" really needs to look up the dictionary definitions of popular and common............ noooo:
lol: lol:
Post by: apc2010 on December 10, 2014, 12:57:10 PM
Such a shame they can't see through that mumbo jumbo and superstition like us in the West......
I'll pray for them at mass on Sunday............ whistle:
Post by: Barman on December 10, 2014, 01:04:56 PM
Just read about those poor primitive people in Africa who believe Ebola isn't an illness but a curse placed upon them by evil spirits.........
Such a shame they can't see through that mumbo jumbo and superstition like us in the West......
I'll pray for them at mass on Sunday............ whistle:
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Steve on December 10, 2014, 01:32:27 PM
lol: lol: lol: lol:Just read about those poor primitive people in Africa who believe Ebola isn't an illness but a curse placed upon them by evil spirits.........
Such a shame they can't see through that mumbo jumbo and superstition like us in the West......
I'll pray for them at mass on Sunday............ whistle:
lol: lol: lol:
many a true word spoken in jest
Post by: Darwins Selection on December 10, 2014, 03:08:21 PM
Just read about those poor primitive people in Africa who believe Ebola isn't an illness but a curse placed upon them by evil spirits.........
Such a shame they can't see through that mumbo jumbo and superstition like us in the West......
I'll pray for them at mass on Sunday............ whistle:
:thumbsup:
Post by: boogs on December 10, 2014, 09:23:15 PM
lol: lol:Just read about those poor primitive people in Africa who believe Ebola isn't an illness but a curse placed upon them by evil spirits.........
Such a shame they can't see through that mumbo jumbo and superstition like us in the West......
I'll pray for them at mass on Sunday............ whistle:
:thumbsup:
Post by: Just One More on December 11, 2014, 06:43:58 AM
Post by: apc2010 on December 11, 2014, 12:41:15 PM
I said, "Car accident?"
"Electric chair," he replied.................
Post by: Barman on December 11, 2014, 12:45:04 PM
My black neighbour said his son's death came as a huge shock.......
I said, "Car accident?"
"Electric chair," he replied.................
happy001
Post by: Baldy on December 11, 2014, 12:50:09 PM
My black neighbour said his son's death came as a huge shock.......
I said, "Car accident?"
"Electric chair," he replied.................
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: apc2010 on December 14, 2014, 12:03:28 PM
"What would you say was your greatest weakness?"
"Honesty."
"I don't think honesty is a weakness."
"I don't give a fuck what you think.".........
Post by: Steve on December 14, 2014, 01:39:38 PM
At a job interview........
"What would you say was your greatest weakness?"
"Honesty."
"I don't think honesty is a weakness."
"I don't give a fuck what you think.".........
Post by: Barman on December 14, 2014, 02:31:44 PM
At a job interview........
"What would you say was your greatest weakness?"
"Honesty."
"I don't think honesty is a weakness."
"I don't give a fuck what you think.".........
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: apc2010 on December 15, 2014, 03:23:03 PM
the staff room........ noooo:
Post by: Barman on December 15, 2014, 03:29:19 PM
Nice to see all the UK supermarkets have got a Polish section............ Thumbs:
the staff room........ noooo:
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Nick on December 23, 2014, 09:38:41 AM
She has discovered a green spot on the inside of each thigh.
They won't wash off,they won't scrape off,and they seem to be getting worse. The doctor assures her he'll get to the bottom of the problem,and tells her not to worry until he gets the tests back.
A few days later,the woman's phone rings.Much to her relief,it's the doctor.
She immediately begs to know what's causing the spots.
The doctor says,"You're perfectly healthy-there's no problem.But I'm wondering was your boyfriend that Harley guy in the waiting room?"
The woman stammers,"Why,yes,but how did you know?"
"Tell him his earings ain't real gold"
Post by: Barman on December 23, 2014, 09:42:53 AM
A woman goes to her doctor's office,to discuss a strange development.
She has discovered a green spot on the inside of each thigh.
They won't wash off,they won't scrape off,and they seem to be getting worse. The doctor assures her he'll get to the bottom of the problem,and tells her not to worry until he gets the tests back.
A few days later,the woman's phone rings.Much to her relief,it's the doctor.
She immediately begs to know what's causing the spots.
The doctor says,"You're perfectly healthy-there's no problem.But I'm wondering was your boyfriend that Harley guy in the waiting room?"
The woman stammers,"Why,yes,but how did you know?"
"Tell him his earings ain't real gold"
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Steve on December 23, 2014, 09:47:22 AM
lol: lol: lol: lol:A woman goes to her doctor's office,to discuss a strange development.
She has discovered a green spot on the inside of each thigh.
They won't wash off,they won't scrape off,and they seem to be getting worse. The doctor assures her he'll get to the bottom of the problem,and tells her not to worry until he gets the tests back.
A few days later,the woman's phone rings.Much to her relief,it's the doctor.
She immediately begs to know what's causing the spots.
The doctor says,"You're perfectly healthy-there's no problem.But I'm wondering was your boyfriend that Harley guy in the waiting room?"
The woman stammers,"Why,yes,but how did you know?"
"Tell him his earings ain't real gold"
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Baldy on December 25, 2014, 10:20:10 AM
lol: lol: lol: lol:A woman goes to her doctor's office,to discuss a strange development.
She has discovered a green spot on the inside of each thigh.
They won't wash off,they won't scrape off,and they seem to be getting worse. The doctor assures her he'll get to the bottom of the problem,and tells her not to worry until he gets the tests back.
A few days later,the woman's phone rings.Much to her relief,it's the doctor.
She immediately begs to know what's causing the spots.
The doctor says,"You're perfectly healthy-there's no problem.But I'm wondering was your boyfriend that Harley guy in the waiting room?"
The woman stammers,"Why,yes,but how did you know?"
"Tell him his earings ain't real gold"
lol: lol: lol:
lol: lol: lol: lol: lol:
Post by: apc2010 on December 30, 2014, 08:23:52 PM
BM is gonna be busy tomorrow.......... whistle:
Post by: Barman on December 30, 2014, 08:25:57 PM
The average person has sex 89 times a year..........
BM is gonna be busy tomorrow.......... whistle:
evil:
Post by: Nick on December 30, 2014, 08:28:38 PM
Post by: Darwins Selection on December 31, 2014, 12:01:31 AM
The average person has sex 89 times a year..........
BM is gonna be busy tomorrow.......... whistle:
(https://www.virtual-pub.com/SMF/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.mosaicneo.com%2Fwp-content%2Fuploads%2F2012%2F11%2FSheep_Flock.jpg&hash=0aaa8798e617eec03bee00ed9f49d5312c8f6706)
Post by: Steve on December 31, 2014, 12:03:38 AM
Post by: Barman on December 31, 2014, 07:03:28 AM
Post by: apc2010 on December 31, 2014, 01:39:39 PM
At least we can have some closure on this one.............. redface:
Post by: Barman on December 31, 2014, 02:21:33 PM
I'm glad they found the door for the latest missing plane...........
At least we can have some closure on this one.............. redface:
happy001
Post by: apc2010 on January 05, 2015, 08:58:15 PM
Who knows; they never get the fvcking house................. noooo:
Post by: Barman on January 05, 2015, 09:13:21 PM
How many divorced Men does it take to screw in a light bulb?...........
Who knows; they never get the fvcking house................. noooo:
happy002
Post by: Uncle Mort on January 06, 2015, 12:53:28 PM
How many divorced Men does it take to screw in a light bulb?...........
Who knows; they never get the fvcking house................. noooo:
I did whistle:
Still funny though ;D
Post by: apc2010 on January 07, 2015, 02:08:47 PM
Shame he couldn't do that with his women!...................... noooo:
Post by: Barman on January 07, 2015, 02:10:34 PM
Ched Evans has agreed personal terms with Oldham Athletic............
Shame he couldn't do that with his women!...................... noooo:
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: apc2010 on January 07, 2015, 06:09:45 PM
Now we'll see just how athletic the women of Oldham really are.......... rubschin:
Post by: apc2010 on January 12, 2015, 01:55:32 PM
I went as a chilli but everyone else was an astronaut............... redface:
Post by: Darwins Selection on January 12, 2015, 02:13:52 PM
Post by: Steve on January 12, 2015, 02:43:17 PM
I went to a fancy dress party in Birmingham where the theme was "spice".......................lol: lol: lol:
I went as a chilli but everyone else was an astronaut............... redface:
Post by: Barman on January 12, 2015, 05:03:37 PM
I went to a fancy dress party in Birmingham where the theme was "spice".......................
I went as a chilli but everyone else was an astronaut............... redface:
happy001
Post by: Barman on January 12, 2015, 05:03:54 PM
Ched Evans is back in football..............
Now we'll see just how athletic the women of Oldham really are.......... rubschin:
happy001
Post by: Barman on January 12, 2015, 05:04:10 PM
"Dignitas has opened a new clinic in Birmingham, why not call them to die?"
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: apc2010 on January 13, 2015, 01:09:06 PM
If it sinks: girl ant............
If it floats: boy ant,,,,,,,,,, redface:
Post by: Darwins Selection on January 13, 2015, 02:08:52 PM
You can tell the sex of an ant by dropping it into a jug of water........
If it sinks: girl ant............
If it floats: boy ant,,,,,,,,,, redface:
If it argues that it is a worker ant and thus neuter proving that the test is invalid ........ ped ant
Post by: apc2010 on January 13, 2015, 02:09:55 PM
You can tell the sex of an ant by dropping it into a jug of water........
If it sinks: girl ant............
If it floats: boy ant,,,,,,,,,, redface:
If it argues that it is a worker ant and thus neuter proving that the test is invalid ........ ped ant
drumroll:
Post by: Barman on January 13, 2015, 02:59:53 PM
You can tell the sex of an ant by dropping it into a jug of water........
If it sinks: girl ant............
If it floats: boy ant,,,,,,,,,, redface:
If it argues that it is a worker ant and thus neuter proving that the test is invalid ........ ped ant
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Just One More on January 13, 2015, 08:59:47 PM
Post by: Just One More on January 13, 2015, 09:00:09 PM
Post by: apc2010 on January 13, 2015, 09:14:05 PM
Post by: Barman on January 14, 2015, 07:43:47 AM
Post by: Darwins Selection on January 14, 2015, 09:06:05 AM
lol: lol: lol: lol:lol: lol: lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Baldy on January 14, 2015, 11:18:23 AM
Post by: Marley's Ghost (Imbiber of Spirits) on January 14, 2015, 06:10:31 PM
And raise you drumroll: drumroll: drumroll:
Post by: apc2010 on January 17, 2015, 05:51:29 PM
It just goes from bad to worse!.................... noooo:
Post by: Baldy on January 17, 2015, 10:19:23 PM
Some bastard ripped the pages out of both ends of my dictionary today.............
It just goes from bad to worse!.................... noooo:
noooo: noooo:
Post by: Steve on January 17, 2015, 10:47:32 PM
Some bastard ripped the pages out of both ends of my dictionary today.............happy001
It just goes from bad to worse!.................... noooo:
Post by: Barman on January 18, 2015, 07:56:19 AM
Some bastard ripped the pages out of both ends of my dictionary today.............
It just goes from bad to worse!.................... noooo:
happy002
Post by: apc2010 on January 28, 2015, 08:23:29 PM
Apparently 'In HD' wasn't the correct answer........... redface:
Post by: Barman on January 28, 2015, 08:39:15 PM
Yesterday, a feminist asked me how I view lesbian relationships.................
Apparently 'In HD' wasn't the correct answer........... redface:
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Steve on January 28, 2015, 09:16:36 PM
Post by: Barman on January 29, 2015, 06:40:26 AM
Yesterday, a feminist asked me how I view lesbian relationships.................
Apparently 'In HD' wasn't the correct answer........... redface:
"With tissues" works too! Thumbs:
Post by: apc2010 on January 29, 2015, 06:43:25 AM
Yesterday, a feminist asked me how I view lesbian relationships.................
Apparently 'In HD' wasn't the correct answer........... redface:
"With tissues" works too! Thumbs:
Like lightning...... ::)
Post by: apc2010 on February 04, 2015, 07:37:45 PM
To Cook A Mockingbird. ............... rubschin:
Post by: apc2010 on February 05, 2015, 08:39:35 AM
Post by: Marley's Ghost (Imbiber of Spirits) on February 05, 2015, 01:48:51 PM
If I'm not mistaken, Tipp-Ex is pretty useless............... rubschin:
drumroll: happy001
Post by: Barman on February 05, 2015, 03:11:38 PM
If I'm not mistaken, Tipp-Ex is pretty useless............... rubschin:
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Darwins Selection on February 05, 2015, 03:58:37 PM
lol: lol: lol: lol:If I'm not mistaken, Tipp-Ex is pretty useless............... rubschin:
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Baldy on February 05, 2015, 05:55:16 PM
lol: lol: lol: lol:If I'm not mistaken, Tipp-Ex is pretty useless............... rubschin:
lol: lol: lol:
lol: lol: lol: lol: lol:
Post by: apc2010 on February 08, 2015, 08:44:28 PM
Waterboarding at Guantánamo Bay sounds super fun if you don't know what either of those things are................. rubschin:
Post by: Barman on February 08, 2015, 08:45:15 PM
Waterboarding at Guantánamo Bay sounds super fun if you don't know what either of those things are................. rubschin:
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Steve on February 08, 2015, 09:04:24 PM
lol: lol: lol: lol:
Waterboarding at Guantánamo Bay sounds super fun if you don't know what either of those things are................. rubschin:
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Baldy on February 08, 2015, 09:49:43 PM
A businessman gets a call from his lawyer:
"I have got some good news and some bad news for you."
The businessman says " I have had a shitty day, so give me the good news first."
The lawyer says "Your wife bought a couple of pictures today for five grand and from what I can determine they are probably worth a few million"
"Great! But what is the bad news?" says the businessman......
"They are of you shagging your secretary"
Post by: apc2010 on February 08, 2015, 09:51:24 PM
Prolly an AFFS:
A businessman gets a call from his lawyer:
"I have got some good news and some bad news for you."
The businessman says " I have had a shitty day, so give me the good news first."
The lawyer says "Your wife bought a couple of pictures today for five grand and from what I can determine they are probably worth a few million"
"Great! But what is the bad news?" says the businessman......
"They are of you shagging your secretary"
;D ;D
Post by: Steve on February 08, 2015, 11:11:42 PM
happy001Prolly an AFFS:
A businessman gets a call from his lawyer:
"I have got some good news and some bad news for you."
The businessman says " I have had a shitty day, so give me the good news first."
The lawyer says "Your wife bought a couple of pictures today for five grand and from what I can determine they are probably worth a few million"
"Great! But what is the bad news?" says the businessman......
"They are of you shagging your secretary"
;D ;D
Post by: Barman on February 09, 2015, 07:27:32 AM
Prolly an AFFS:
A businessman gets a call from his lawyer:
"I have got some good news and some bad news for you."
The businessman says " I have had a shitty day, so give me the good news first."
The lawyer says "Your wife bought a couple of pictures today for five grand and from what I can determine they are probably worth a few million"
"Great! But what is the bad news?" says the businessman......
"They are of you shagging your secretary"
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Darwins Selection on February 09, 2015, 11:51:17 AM
lol: lol: lol: lol:Prolly an AFFS:
A businessman gets a call from his lawyer:
"I have got some good news and some bad news for you."
The businessman says " I have had a shitty day, so give me the good news first."
The lawyer says "Your wife bought a couple of pictures today for five grand and from what I can determine they are probably worth a few million"
"Great! But what is the bad news?" says the businessman......
"They are of you shagging your secretary"
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: boogs on February 09, 2015, 12:17:09 PM
lol: lol: lol: lol:Prolly an AFFS:
A businessman gets a call from his lawyer:
"I have got some good news and some bad news for you."
The businessman says " I have had a shitty day, so give me the good news first."
The lawyer says "Your wife bought a couple of pictures today for five grand and from what I can determine they are probably worth a few million"
"Great! But what is the bad news?" says the businessman......
"They are of you shagging your secretary"
lol: lol: lol:
happy001
Post by: apc2010 on February 21, 2015, 11:20:06 AM
.........for free....... noooo:
Post by: Barman on February 21, 2015, 01:59:40 PM
If I've learned anything from 50 Shades of Grey, it's that women still haven't figured out you can watch porn at home...
.........for free....... noooo:
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: apc2010 on February 24, 2015, 10:02:05 AM
I was stunned by how it ended........
I mean who would have guessed it was his girlfriend in the toilet?............ noooo:
Post by: Barman on February 24, 2015, 10:07:26 AM
Watched The Oscars at home last.........
I was stunned by how it ended........
I mean who would have guessed it was his girlfriend in the toilet?............ noooo:
tunble:
Post by: The Moan Ranger on February 24, 2015, 10:16:24 AM
Watched The Oscars at home last.........
I was stunned by how it ended........
I mean who would have guessed it was his girlfriend in the toilet?............ noooo:
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Steve on February 24, 2015, 04:27:18 PM
happy001Watched The Oscars at home last.........
I was stunned by how it ended........
I mean who would have guessed it was his girlfriend in the toilet?............ noooo:
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: apc2010 on February 27, 2015, 10:04:32 AM
Post by: Barman on February 27, 2015, 11:00:21 AM
Ever wondered why you have to ask for a woman's hand in marriage when it's mostly your own hand you'll be using?............... rubschin:
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Baldy on February 27, 2015, 11:07:08 AM
Ever wondered why you have to ask for a woman's hand in marriage when it's mostly your own hand you'll be using?............... rubschin:
lol: lol:
Post by: apc2010 on February 27, 2015, 04:28:05 PM
I thought it was quite a good poem........ rubschin:
Post by: Steve on February 27, 2015, 04:50:59 PM
My dyslexic son came last in the school pottery contest...........
I thought it was quite a good poem........ rubschin:
happy001
Post by: Barman on February 27, 2015, 06:31:32 PM
My dyslexic son came last in the school pottery contest...........
I thought it was quite a good poem........ rubschin:
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Baldy on February 27, 2015, 06:53:31 PM
My dyslexic son came last in the school pottery contest...........
I thought it was quite a good poem........ rubschin:
lol: lol: lol:
lol: lol: lol: lol:
Post by: apc2010 on March 04, 2015, 12:38:48 PM
We went from Barking to Tooting in about an hour..... whistle:
Post by: Barman on March 04, 2015, 12:42:11 PM
I taught my Dog to play the trumpet on the London Underground.......
We went from Barking to Tooting in about an hour..... whistle:
happy001
Is it time for my Freudian slip joke....? rubschin:
Post by: Baldy on March 04, 2015, 09:12:25 PM
I taught my Dog to play the trumpet on the London Underground.......
We went from Barking to Tooting in about an hour..... whistle:
lol:
Post by: Steve on March 04, 2015, 10:01:47 PM
lol: lol:I taught my Dog to play the trumpet on the London Underground.......
We went from Barking to Tooting in about an hour..... whistle:
lol:
Post by: Darwins Selection on March 05, 2015, 09:48:07 PM
lol: lol: lol:lol: lol:I taught my Dog to play the trumpet on the London Underground.......
We went from Barking to Tooting in about an hour..... whistle:
lol:
Post by: Tipsy Gipsy on March 06, 2015, 06:08:07 AM
lol: lol: lol: lol:lol: lol: lol:lol: lol:I taught my Dog to play the trumpet on the London Underground.......
We went from Barking to Tooting in about an hour..... whistle:
lol:
Post by: apc2010 on March 20, 2015, 06:11:56 PM
Pretty fvcking ironic if you ask me.............. noooo:
Post by: Barman on March 20, 2015, 09:11:28 PM
A cash machine has just charged me two pound for a transaction but told me to cover my PIN to prevent from being robbed...........
Pretty fvcking ironic if you ask me.............. noooo:
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Steve on March 21, 2015, 11:26:06 AM
lol: lol: lol: lol:A cash machine has just charged me two pound for a transaction but told me to cover my PIN to prevent from being robbed...........
Pretty fvcking ironic if you ask me.............. noooo:
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: apc2010 on March 21, 2015, 04:34:20 PM
Post by: Barman on March 21, 2015, 04:48:40 PM
Is the hardest part of Hypochondriacs Anonymous is admitting you don't have a problem........ rubschin:
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Steve on March 21, 2015, 05:07:17 PM
lol: lol: lol: lol:Is the hardest part of Hypochondriacs Anonymous is admitting you don't have a problem........ rubschin:
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: apc2010 on March 25, 2015, 09:26:19 PM
Post by: Barman on March 26, 2015, 06:48:21 AM
Does pornography only gets called by its full name when it's in trouble.......... rubschin:
lol: lol: lol:
LL only calls me by my name when I'm in trouble.... redface:
Post by: Nick on March 26, 2015, 07:51:11 AM
Post by: Barman on March 26, 2015, 07:52:50 AM
All the time then ::)
redface:
Post by: Steve on March 26, 2015, 10:05:30 AM
lol: lol: lol: lol:Does pornography only gets called by its full name when it's in trouble.......... rubschin:
lol: lol: lol:
Quote
LL only calls me by my name when I'm in trouble.... redface:The sad fate of those with Y chromosomes cry:
Post by: Darwins Selection on March 27, 2015, 08:44:18 AM
lol: lol: lol: lol:Does pornography only gets called by its full name when it's in trouble.......... rubschin:
lol: lol: lol:QuoteLL only calls me by my name when I'm in trouble.... redface:The sad fate of those with Y chromosomes cry:
Y indeed. surrender:
Post by: Baldy on April 02, 2015, 11:36:21 AM
His wife glares at him and says, "Who the hell was that?"
"Oh," replies the husband, "she's my mistress."
"Well, that's the last straw," says the wife. "I've had enough, I want a divorce."
"I can understand that," replies her husband, "but remember, if we get a divorce, it will mean;
No more SHOPPING TRIPS TO Dubai,
No more Jewellery,
No more SUMMERS IN Kashmir,
No more FABULOUS BMW X5 CAR in the garage and
No more YACHT CLUB.
But, the decision is yours."
Just then, a mutual friend enters the restaurant with a gorgeous babe on his arm.
"Who's that woman with Kevin?" asks the wife.
"That's his mistress," says Jack.
Susan replies, "Ours is prettier."
Post by: apc2010 on April 02, 2015, 11:37:52 AM
A couple are having dinner at a very fine restaurant when this absolutely stunning young woman comes over to their table, gives the husband a big open mouthed kiss, says she'll see him later, and walks away.
His wife glares at him and says, "Who the hell was that?"
"Oh," replies the husband, "she's my mistress."
"Well, that's the last straw," says the wife. "I've had enough, I want a divorce."
"I can understand that," replies her husband, "but remember, if we get a divorce, it will mean;
No more SHOPPING TRIPS TO Dubai,
No more Jewellery,
No more SUMMERS IN Kashmir,
No more FABULOUS BMW X5 CAR in the garage and
No more YACHT CLUB.
But, the decision is yours."
Just then, a mutual friend enters the restaurant with a gorgeous babe on his arm.
"Who's that woman with Kevin?" asks the wife.
"That's his mistress," says Jack.
Susan replies, "Ours is prettier."
;D ;D ;D
Post by: Barman on April 02, 2015, 12:01:10 PM
A couple are having dinner at a very fine restaurant when this absolutely stunning young woman comes over to their table, gives the husband a big open mouthed kiss, says she'll see him later, and walks away.
His wife glares at him and says, "Who the hell was that?"
"Oh," replies the husband, "she's my mistress."
"Well, that's the last straw," says the wife. "I've had enough, I want a divorce."
"I can understand that," replies her husband, "but remember, if we get a divorce, it will mean;
No more SHOPPING TRIPS TO Dubai,
No more Jewellery,
No more SUMMERS IN Kashmir,
No more FABULOUS BMW X5 CAR in the garage and
No more YACHT CLUB.
But, the decision is yours."
Just then, a mutual friend enters the restaurant with a gorgeous babe on his arm.
"Who's that woman with Kevin?" asks the wife.
"That's his mistress," says Jack.
Susan replies, "Ours is prettier."
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Steve on April 02, 2015, 02:32:45 PM
lol: lol: lol: lol:A couple are having dinner at a very fine restaurant when this absolutely stunning young woman comes over to their table, gives the husband a big open mouthed kiss, says she'll see him later, and walks away.
His wife glares at him and says, "Who the hell was that?"
"Oh," replies the husband, "she's my mistress."
"Well, that's the last straw," says the wife. "I've had enough, I want a divorce."
"I can understand that," replies her husband, "but remember, if we get a divorce, it will mean;
No more SHOPPING TRIPS TO Dubai,
No more Jewellery,
No more SUMMERS IN Kashmir,
No more FABULOUS BMW X5 CAR in the garage and
No more YACHT CLUB.
But, the decision is yours."
Just then, a mutual friend enters the restaurant with a gorgeous babe on his arm.
"Who's that woman with Kevin?" asks the wife.
"That's his mistress," says Jack.
Susan replies, "Ours is prettier."
;D ;D ;D
Post by: Baldy on April 08, 2015, 05:54:09 PM
Four people in front of me turned around.....I felt like a contestant on The Voice.
Post by: Steve on April 08, 2015, 05:55:32 PM
I was sitting on the bus the other day and let out a huge fart.lol: lol: lol:
Four people in front of me turned around.....I felt like a contestant on The Voice.
Post by: apc2010 on April 09, 2015, 01:34:16 PM
I said yes and he tried to sell me a sculpture of a woman's tits.......... rubschin:
Post by: Barman on April 09, 2015, 01:58:43 PM
My friend asked me if I was interested in a chess tournament..........................
I said yes and he tried to sell me a sculpture of a woman's tits.......... rubschin:
happy001
Post by: Baldy on April 09, 2015, 06:06:33 PM
My friend asked me if I was interested in a chess tournament..........................
I said yes and he tried to sell me a sculpture of a woman's tits.......... rubschin:
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Steve on April 09, 2015, 09:06:19 PM
happy001 happy001My friend asked me if I was interested in a chess tournament..........................
I said yes and he tried to sell me a sculpture of a woman's tits.......... rubschin:
happy001
Post by: apc2010 on April 19, 2015, 01:39:09 PM
is this the end for the cat scan........................ rubschin:
Post by: Barman on April 19, 2015, 02:43:11 PM
Now that dogs have been shown to be able to sniff out cancer,.......
is this the end for the cat scan........................ rubschin:
;D
Post by: Marley's Ghost (Imbiber of Spirits) on April 26, 2015, 04:37:02 PM
Now that dogs have been shown to be able to sniff out cancer,.......o
is this the end for the cat scan........................ rubschin:
Ahhh, the lab test . . .
(Hat, coat, door SLAM!)
Post by: apc2010 on April 26, 2015, 04:41:46 PM
Now that dogs have been shown to be able to sniff out cancer,.......o
is this the end for the cat scan........................ rubschin:
Ahhh, the lab test . . .
(Hat, coat, door SLAM!)
drumroll:
Post by: Nick on April 26, 2015, 04:42:57 PM
Post by: Marley's Ghost (Imbiber of Spirits) on April 26, 2015, 04:46:37 PM
tunble:
Didn't you see the funny side? Summat wrong wiv yer eyes or what?
Post by: Nick on April 26, 2015, 04:54:42 PM
Post by: Just One More on April 28, 2015, 05:23:46 AM
"Fucking condom he replied"...
Post by: Barman on April 28, 2015, 05:43:14 AM
My mate Terry has just been to M&S to buy a maternity bra for his Mrs. The sales assistant asked him "What bust? "
"Fucking condom he replied"...
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: apc2010 on April 28, 2015, 07:11:06 AM
My mate Terry has just been to M&S to buy a maternity bra for his Mrs. The sales assistant asked him "What bust? "
"Fucking condom he replied"...
;D ;D ;D ;D
Post by: Steve on April 28, 2015, 11:51:59 AM
;D ;D ;D ;D ;DMy mate Terry has just been to M&S to buy a maternity bra for his Mrs. The sales assistant asked him "What bust? "
"Fucking condom he replied"...
;D ;D ;D ;D
Post by: Darwins Selection on April 28, 2015, 04:03:59 PM
;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D;D ;D ;D ;D ;DMy mate Terry has just been to M&S to buy a maternity bra for his Mrs. The sales assistant asked him "What bust? "
"Fucking condom he replied"...
;D ;D ;D ;D
Post by: miss Tchevious on April 28, 2015, 04:06:49 PM
Does pornography only gets called by its full name when it's in trouble.......... rubschin:
lol: lol: lol:
LL only calls me by my name when I'm in trouble.... redface:
and watching pornography... whistle:
Post by: boogs on April 28, 2015, 06:26:10 PM
Does pornography only gets called by its full name when it's in trouble.......... rubschin:
LL only calls me by my name when I'm in trouble.... redface:
and watching pornography... whistle:
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: apc2010 on April 30, 2015, 02:42:05 PM
They must have been Foster kids............... rubschin:
Post by: Barman on April 30, 2015, 02:45:02 PM
Reading about the Bali 9. No way are Andrew Chan and Myuran Sukumaran Australian names.......
They must have been Foster kids............... rubschin:
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Darwins Selection on May 02, 2015, 08:09:46 PM
drumroll: drumroll:Reading about the Bali 9. No way are Andrew Chan and Myuran Sukumaran Australian names.......
They must have been Foster kids............... rubschin:
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Barman on May 09, 2015, 12:30:52 PM
My wife immediately scowled at me and said, "I wonder where he has got that from?"
I said, "the fucking fridge you daft owld cow!"
Post by: apc2010 on May 09, 2015, 10:34:54 PM
The leaders are quitting left right and centre............. noooo:
Post by: Barman on May 10, 2015, 05:29:16 AM
So since the election Ed Milliband, Nigel Farage and Nick Clegg have all resigned...........
The leaders are quitting left right and centre............. noooo:
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Darwins Selection on May 10, 2015, 10:10:27 PM
lol: lol: lol: lol:So since the election Ed Milliband, Nigel Farage and Nick Clegg have all resigned...........
The leaders are quitting left right and centre............. noooo:
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Steve on May 11, 2015, 10:07:19 AM
lol: lol: lol: lol: lol:lol: lol: lol: lol:So since the election Ed Milliband, Nigel Farage and Nick Clegg have all resigned...........
The leaders are quitting left right and centre............. noooo:
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Nick on May 18, 2015, 09:01:17 AM
Post by: Steve on May 18, 2015, 09:31:33 AM
I love EBay. I've sold my homing pigeon twelve timeshappy001
Post by: Barman on May 18, 2015, 11:34:28 AM
I love EBay. I've sold my homing pigeon twelve timeshappy001
happy001 happy001
Post by: Nick on May 26, 2015, 08:33:52 AM
Post by: Steve on May 26, 2015, 01:23:40 PM
Following the Irish Gay marriage vote I see the Archbishop of Dublin says the Catholic church needs to "reconnect with young people." That caused enough trouble last time they tried it.happy001
Post by: Barman on May 26, 2015, 04:49:29 PM
Following the Irish Gay marriage vote I see the Archbishop of Dublin says the Catholic church needs to "reconnect with young people." That caused enough trouble last time they tried it.
happy001
Post by: Darwins Selection on May 27, 2015, 11:29:03 AM
happy001 happy001Following the Irish Gay marriage vote I see the Archbishop of Dublin says the Catholic church needs to "reconnect with young people." That caused enough trouble last time they tried it.
happy001
Post by: Barman on May 30, 2015, 03:48:00 PM
But to be fair, they didn't really compete in the last one...
Post by: apc2010 on June 03, 2015, 11:09:05 AM
Steven............ redface:
Post by: Darwins Selection on June 03, 2015, 11:52:16 AM
How many Chinese Whisperers does it take to change a lightbulb?.............drumroll: lol: lol:
Steven............ redface:
Post by: Barman on June 03, 2015, 12:31:22 PM
How many Chinese Whisperers does it take to change a lightbulb?.............
Steven............ redface:
happy001
Post by: apc2010 on June 08, 2015, 12:05:53 PM
and that I am not attentive to her knee's................ noooo:
Post by: Darwins Selection on June 08, 2015, 12:11:11 PM
My wife often complains that I don't listen to her................
and that I am not attentive to her knee's................ noooo:
lol: lol:
I bet you don't stamp her thighs with her either. noooo:
Post by: Barman on June 08, 2015, 12:19:00 PM
My wife often complains that I don't listen to her................
and that I am not attentive to her knee's................ noooo:
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Steve on June 09, 2015, 07:14:17 AM
lol: lol: lol: lol:My wife often complains that I don't listen to her................
and that I am not attentive to her knee's................ noooo:
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Just One More on July 01, 2015, 05:38:22 AM
Post by: Barman on July 01, 2015, 06:34:44 AM
I was walking the dog through the park the other day & I noticed a Man City season ticket nailed to a tree with the rustiest nail I've ever seen. So I thought to myself sod it I'm having that,after all you can never have to many nails.
happy001
Post by: apc2010 on July 01, 2015, 11:29:04 AM
I was walking the dog through the park the other day & I noticed a Man City season ticket nailed to a tree with the rustiest nail I've ever seen. So I thought to myself sod it I'm having that,after all you can never have to many nails.
;D ;D ;D
Post by: Darwins Selection on July 01, 2015, 01:02:12 PM
I was walking the dog through the park the other day & I noticed a Man City season ticket nailed to a tree with the rustiest nail I've ever seen. So I thought to myself sod it I'm having that,after all you can never have to many nails.
;D ;D ;D
lol: lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Steve on July 01, 2015, 09:08:52 PM
happy001 happy001I was walking the dog through the park the other day & I noticed a Man City season ticket nailed to a tree with the rustiest nail I've ever seen. So I thought to myself sod it I'm having that,after all you can never have to many nails.
happy001
Post by: Nick on July 23, 2015, 03:45:27 PM
(https://www.virtual-pub.com/SMF/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fs30.postimg.org%2Fgj22atsj1%2Fimage.jpg&hash=7ff67161423987bba2fd920492712f9c4b530358) (http://postimg.org/image/gj22atsj1/)
Post by: Barman on July 23, 2015, 06:25:18 PM
(https://www.virtual-pub.com/SMF/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fs30.postimg.org%2Fgj22atsj1%2Fimage.jpg&hash=7ff67161423987bba2fd920492712f9c4b530358) (http://postimg.org/image/gj22atsj1/)
tunble:
Post by: Grumpmeister on July 24, 2015, 09:33:56 PM
Post by: Barman on July 25, 2015, 05:14:16 AM
The Olympic Flag now has only 4 rings: Green, blue, red and black. The Greeks had to pawn the gold one redface:
You should have posted in 'Fresh from the inbox'.... at least you could have blamed somebody else for it then.... whistle:
Post by: Grumpmeister on July 25, 2015, 09:46:48 AM
Post by: apc2010 on July 29, 2015, 08:06:03 PM
When questioned he said he was very interested in youth in Asia.......... redface:
Post by: Steve on July 29, 2015, 08:11:27 PM
Initial reports that Gary Glitter was visiting Dignitas are apparently incorrect.....lol: lol: lol: redface:
When questioned he said he was very interested in youth in Asia.......... redface:
Post by: Barman on July 30, 2015, 04:21:28 AM
Initial reports that Gary Glitter was visiting Dignitas are apparently incorrect.....lol: lol: lol: redface:
When questioned he said he was very interested in youth in Asia.......... redface:
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Nick on August 01, 2015, 01:12:03 PM
(https://www.virtual-pub.com/SMF/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fs13.postimg.org%2Fcu3yodaeb%2Fpage.jpg&hash=d6c73f33edfc4b135d979e9f75daa21e99891913) (http://postimg.org/image/cu3yodaeb/)
Post by: Steve on August 01, 2015, 01:14:00 PM
happy001
(https://www.virtual-pub.com/SMF/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fs13.postimg.org%2Fcu3yodaeb%2Fpage.jpg&hash=d6c73f33edfc4b135d979e9f75daa21e99891913) (http://postimg.org/image/cu3yodaeb/)
Post by: Barman on August 01, 2015, 02:26:48 PM
(https://www.virtual-pub.com/SMF/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fs13.postimg.org%2Fcu3yodaeb%2Fpage.jpg&hash=d6c73f33edfc4b135d979e9f75daa21e99891913) (http://postimg.org/image/cu3yodaeb/)
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Darwins Selection on August 02, 2015, 10:50:05 PM
(https://www.virtual-pub.com/SMF/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fs13.postimg.org%2Fcu3yodaeb%2Fpage.jpg&hash=d6c73f33edfc4b135d979e9f75daa21e99891913) (http://postimg.org/image/cu3yodaeb/)
lol: lol: lol:
lol: lol: lol: lol:
Post by: apc2010 on August 07, 2015, 01:03:59 PM
House prices down.............. noooo:
Post by: Barman on August 07, 2015, 01:11:15 PM
What do Muslims like to drive.................????
House prices down.............. noooo:
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Nick on August 28, 2015, 08:50:33 AM
(https://www.virtual-pub.com/SMF/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fs4.postimg.org%2Frmkqkpp5l%2Fbagg.jpg&hash=1d588bd6fb41762d512af4270559254e21e6084a) (http://postimg.org/image/rmkqkpp5l/)
Post by: Barman on August 28, 2015, 09:34:12 AM
(https://www.virtual-pub.com/SMF/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fs4.postimg.org%2Frmkqkpp5l%2Fbagg.jpg&hash=1d588bd6fb41762d512af4270559254e21e6084a) (http://postimg.org/image/rmkqkpp5l/)
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Steve on August 28, 2015, 10:10:08 PM
lol: lol: lol: lol:
(https://www.virtual-pub.com/SMF/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fs4.postimg.org%2Frmkqkpp5l%2Fbagg.jpg&hash=1d588bd6fb41762d512af4270559254e21e6084a) (http://postimg.org/image/rmkqkpp5l/)
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Darwins Selection on August 28, 2015, 10:58:00 PM
lol: lol: lol: lol: lol:lol: lol: lol: lol:
(https://www.virtual-pub.com/SMF/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fs4.postimg.org%2Frmkqkpp5l%2Fbagg.jpg&hash=1d588bd6fb41762d512af4270559254e21e6084a) (http://postimg.org/image/rmkqkpp5l/)
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: apc2010 on August 30, 2015, 06:19:36 PM
So I thought I'd go and help.
"Stop," said my wife, grabbing my arm..........
"You're de-icing with death."........ redface:
Post by: Barman on August 30, 2015, 06:45:24 PM
I looked out my window and saw a guy in a black robe who was trying to clear the frost off his car with a scythe.....
So I thought I'd go and help.
"Stop," said my wife, grabbing my arm..........
"You're de-icing with death."........ redface:
tunble:
Post by: apc2010 on August 30, 2015, 06:50:21 PM
I looked out my window and saw a guy in a black robe who was trying to clear the frost off his car with a scythe.....
So I thought I'd go and help.
"Stop," said my wife, grabbing my arm..........
"You're de-icing with death."........ redface:
tunble:
Well I larfed.... evil:
Maybe I should said the wife was Jamacian... rubschin:
Post by: Barman on August 30, 2015, 06:51:37 PM
I looked out my window and saw a guy in a black robe who was trying to clear the frost off his car with a scythe.....
So I thought I'd go and help.
"Stop," said my wife, grabbing my arm..........
"You're de-icing with death."........ redface:
tunble:
Well I larfed.... evil:
Maybe I should said the wife was Jamacian... rubschin:
No! She went of her own accord! happy001
Post by: apc2010 on August 30, 2015, 06:53:30 PM
I looked out my window and saw a guy in a black robe who was trying to clear the frost off his car with a scythe.....
So I thought I'd go and help.
"Stop," said my wife, grabbing my arm..........
"You're de-icing with death."........ redface:
tunble:
Well I larfed.... evil:
Maybe I should said the wife was Jamacian... rubschin:
No! She went of her own accord! happy001
noooo: noooo:
Post by: Steve on August 30, 2015, 07:49:51 PM
I looked out my window and saw a guy in a black robe who was trying to clear the frost off his car with a scythe.....lol:
So I thought I'd go and help.
"Stop," said my wife, grabbing my arm..........
"You're de-icing with death."........ redface:
Post by: Just One More on September 01, 2015, 05:36:17 PM
Post by: Nick on September 01, 2015, 05:38:31 PM
Post by: Barman on September 01, 2015, 06:24:41 PM
Jonathon Ross has been arrested after being caught shoplifting in a cookware shop. Mr Ross said it was a whisk he was willing to take
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Darwins Selection on September 01, 2015, 09:06:15 PM
Jonathon Ross has been arrested after being caught shoplifting in a cookware shop. Mr Ross said it was a whisk he was willing to takedrumroll: lol: lol:
Post by: Steve on September 02, 2015, 12:24:56 AM
lol: lol: lol: lol:Jonathon Ross has been arrested after being caught shoplifting in a cookware shop. Mr Ross said it was a whisk he was willing to take
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: apc2010 on September 20, 2015, 07:12:35 PM
It has joule controls...... rubschin:
Post by: Darwins Selection on September 20, 2015, 07:18:13 PM
I have just bought an electric car from a driving instructor...........drumroll:
It has joule controls...... rubschin:
Post by: Nick on September 20, 2015, 07:18:56 PM
Post by: Darwins Selection on September 20, 2015, 07:24:18 PM
tunble:
For the ivory-towered academics and 'humanities' scholars (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Joule)
Post by: Nick on September 20, 2015, 07:24:58 PM
O level Physics, 1971 angel1
Post by: Steve on September 20, 2015, 07:33:21 PM
I have just bought an electric car from a driving instructor...........
It has joule controls...... rubschin:
A joke from the Volts?
Post by: Nick on September 20, 2015, 07:34:12 PM
Post by: Steve on September 20, 2015, 07:36:55 PM
Watt are you on about?Our low resistance to such wit
Post by: apc2010 on September 20, 2015, 07:37:27 PM
I have just bought an electric car from a driving instructor...........
It has joule controls...... rubschin:
A joke from the Volts?
It's current....... cussing:
Post by: Steve on September 20, 2015, 07:40:29 PM
You should be charged for that oneI have just bought an electric car from a driving instructor...........
It has joule controls...... rubschin:
A joke from the Volts?
It's current....... cussing:
Post by: Nick on September 20, 2015, 07:44:37 PM
Post by: Steve on September 20, 2015, 07:49:33 PM
Post by: Nick on September 20, 2015, 07:52:20 PM
Post by: Steve on September 20, 2015, 08:03:02 PM
Post by: Darwins Selection on September 20, 2015, 09:12:23 PM
Post by: Steve on September 20, 2015, 09:18:42 PM
Post by: Darwins Selection on September 21, 2015, 07:33:57 AM
facepalm: what have we sparked off here
I blame Apey, he should be grounded.
Post by: Steve on September 21, 2015, 09:29:07 AM
Post by: Darwins Selection on September 21, 2015, 09:34:58 AM
Post by: Nick on September 21, 2015, 10:01:50 AM
Post by: Barman on September 21, 2015, 10:23:09 AM
BM could stop all this in a flash whistle:
I don't have the capacity.... noooo:
Post by: Darwins Selection on September 21, 2015, 10:24:29 AM
BM could stop all this in a flash whistle:
I don't have the capacity.... noooo:
Your resistance to change is disappointing.
Post by: Nick on September 21, 2015, 10:26:18 AM
Post by: Darwins Selection on September 21, 2015, 10:30:21 AM
But he is AC/DC :thumbsup: 2gayers:
What, an Ohmosexual? eeek:
Post by: Nick on September 21, 2015, 10:32:14 AM
Post by: Steve on September 21, 2015, 11:06:54 AM
. . Ohmosexual?happy001 worthy:
I laughed so much it Hertz
Post by: Nick on September 21, 2015, 11:17:19 AM
Post by: Barman on September 21, 2015, 11:22:39 AM
facepalm:
Nick broke it... ::)
Post by: Darwins Selection on September 21, 2015, 11:34:18 AM
facepalm:
Nick broke it... ::)
Probably on Lithium. noooo:
Post by: Steve on September 21, 2015, 11:38:58 AM
Post by: apc2010 on September 22, 2015, 12:39:33 PM
Post by: Darwins Selection on September 22, 2015, 12:45:25 PM
My original is still the joule in the crown....... whistle:
Guilty as charged
Post by: Steve on September 22, 2015, 01:41:30 PM
lol:My original is still the joule in the crown....... whistle:
Guilty as charged
He needs some judicial battery
Post by: Darwins Selection on September 22, 2015, 02:43:37 PM
lol:My original is still the joule in the crown....... whistle:
Guilty as charged
He needs some judicial battery
That would be a big jump. Leads me to think you are over reacting.
Post by: Steve on September 22, 2015, 05:33:19 PM
lol:My original is still the joule in the crown....... whistle:
Guilty as charged
He needs some judicial battery
That would be a big jump. Leads me to think you are over reacting.
But think of the high tension it created
Post by: Darwins Selection on September 22, 2015, 07:22:07 PM
Post by: Nick on September 26, 2015, 09:30:19 AM
(https://www.virtual-pub.com/SMF/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fs24.postimg.org%2Fu9gzo76s1%2Felv.jpg&hash=ba8d111e5533f773fb8ff9232904c5c588176d56) (http://postimg.org/image/u9gzo76s1/)
Post by: The Moan Ranger on September 26, 2015, 09:35:53 AM
(https://www.virtual-pub.com/SMF/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fs24.postimg.org%2Fu9gzo76s1%2Felv.jpg&hash=ba8d111e5533f773fb8ff9232904c5c588176d56) (http://postimg.org/image/u9gzo76s1/)
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Barman on September 26, 2015, 09:49:56 AM
(https://www.virtual-pub.com/SMF/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fs24.postimg.org%2Fu9gzo76s1%2Felv.jpg&hash=ba8d111e5533f773fb8ff9232904c5c588176d56) (http://postimg.org/image/u9gzo76s1/)
lol: lol: lol:
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Steve on September 26, 2015, 11:12:58 AM
lol: lol: lol: lol:
(https://www.virtual-pub.com/SMF/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fs24.postimg.org%2Fu9gzo76s1%2Felv.jpg&hash=ba8d111e5533f773fb8ff9232904c5c588176d56) (http://postimg.org/image/u9gzo76s1/)
lol: lol: lol:
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: apc2010 on October 01, 2015, 08:02:40 PM
2 won against all odds....... Thumbs:
Post by: Steve on October 01, 2015, 09:52:52 PM
Post by: Barman on October 02, 2015, 05:03:12 AM
1, 2, and 3 entered a competition.............
2 won against all odds....... Thumbs:
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Darwins Selection on October 02, 2015, 03:06:35 PM
facepalm:1, 2, and 3 entered a competition.............
2 won against all odds....... Thumbs:
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: apc2010 on October 15, 2015, 09:42:54 PM
Post by: Barman on October 16, 2015, 05:38:42 AM
I think most of you probably already know about the first rule of Assumption Club.................... rubschin:
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Steve on October 16, 2015, 08:35:48 AM
I think most of you probably already know about the first rule of Assumption Club.................... rubschin:
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Just One More on October 16, 2015, 07:35:01 PM
"I'm sorry," said the maître d', "but you can't come in here without a Thai."
Post by: apc2010 on October 16, 2015, 07:38:29 PM
An Englishman, a Scotsman, an Irishman, a Turk, a German, an Indian, an American, an Argentinean, a Dane, am Australian, a Slovakian, an Egyptian, a Japanese, a Moroccan, a Frenchman, a New Zealander, a Spaniard, a Russian, a Guatemalan, a Columbian, a Pakistani, a Malaysian, a Croatian, a Pole, a Lithuanian, a Chinese, a Sri Lankan, a Lebanese, a Cayman Islander, a Ugandan, a Vietnamese, a Korean, a Uruguayan, a Czech, an Icelander, a Mexican, a Finn, a Honduran, a Panamanian, an Andorran, an Israeli, a Venezuelan, a Fijian, a Peruvian, an Estonian, a Brazilian, a Portugese, a Liechtensteiner, a Mongolian, a Hungarian, a Canadian, a Moldovan, a Haitian, a Norfolk Islander, a Macedonian, a Bolivian, a Cook Islander, a Tajikistani, a Samoan, an Armenian, an Aruban, an Albanian, a Greenlander, a Micronesian, a Virgin Islander, a Georgian, a Bahaman, a Belarusian, a Cuban, a Tongan, a Cambodian, a Qatari, an Azerbaijani, a Romanian, a Chilean, a Kyrgyztani, a Jamaican, a Filipino, a Ukranian, a Dutchman, a Taiwanese, an Ecuadorian, a Costa Rican, a Swede, a Bulgarian, a Serb, a Swiss, a Greek, a Belgian, a Singaporean, an Italian, and a Norwegian walk into a fine restaurant.
"I'm sorry," said the maître d', "but you can't come in here without a Thai."
noooo: ;D
Post by: apc2010 on October 16, 2015, 07:40:39 PM
ISIS least favourite team ..
on both parts......... noooo:
Post by: Darwins Selection on October 16, 2015, 10:42:02 PM
An Englishman, a Scotsman, an Irishman, a Turk, a German, an Indian, an American, an Argentinean, a Dane, am Australian, a Slovakian, an Egyptian, a Japanese, a Moroccan, a Frenchman, a New Zealander, a Spaniard, a Russian, a Guatemalan, a Columbian, a Pakistani, a Malaysian, a Croatian, a Pole, a Lithuanian, a Chinese, a Sri Lankan, a Lebanese, a Cayman Islander, a Ugandan, a Vietnamese, a Korean, a Uruguayan, a Czech, an Icelander, a Mexican, a Finn, a Honduran, a Panamanian, an Andorran, an Israeli, a Venezuelan, a Fijian, a Peruvian, an Estonian, a Brazilian, a Portugese, a Liechtensteiner, a Mongolian, a Hungarian, a Canadian, a Moldovan, a Haitian, a Norfolk Islander, a Macedonian, a Bolivian, a Cook Islander, a Tajikistani, a Samoan, an Armenian, an Aruban, an Albanian, a Greenlander, a Micronesian, a Virgin Islander, a Georgian, a Bahaman, a Belarusian, a Cuban, a Tongan, a Cambodian, a Qatari, an Azerbaijani, a Romanian, a Chilean, a Kyrgyztani, a Jamaican, a Filipino, a Ukranian, a Dutchman, a Taiwanese, an Ecuadorian, a Costa Rican, a Swede, a Bulgarian, a Serb, a Swiss, a Greek, a Belgian, a Singaporean, an Italian, and a Norwegian walk into a fine restaurant.Banghead
"I'm sorry," said the maître d', "but you can't come in here without a Thai."
;D
Post by: Barman on October 17, 2015, 04:20:50 AM
An Englishman, a Scotsman, an Irishman, a Turk, a German, an Indian, an American, an Argentinean, a Dane, am Australian, a Slovakian, an Egyptian, a Japanese, a Moroccan, a Frenchman, a New Zealander, a Spaniard, a Russian, a Guatemalan, a Columbian, a Pakistani, a Malaysian, a Croatian, a Pole, a Lithuanian, a Chinese, a Sri Lankan, a Lebanese, a Cayman Islander, a Ugandan, a Vietnamese, a Korean, a Uruguayan, a Czech, an Icelander, a Mexican, a Finn, a Honduran, a Panamanian, an Andorran, an Israeli, a Venezuelan, a Fijian, a Peruvian, an Estonian, a Brazilian, a Portugese, a Liechtensteiner, a Mongolian, a Hungarian, a Canadian, a Moldovan, a Haitian, a Norfolk Islander, a Macedonian, a Bolivian, a Cook Islander, a Tajikistani, a Samoan, an Armenian, an Aruban, an Albanian, a Greenlander, a Micronesian, a Virgin Islander, a Georgian, a Bahaman, a Belarusian, a Cuban, a Tongan, a Cambodian, a Qatari, an Azerbaijani, a Romanian, a Chilean, a Kyrgyztani, a Jamaican, a Filipino, a Ukranian, a Dutchman, a Taiwanese, an Ecuadorian, a Costa Rican, a Swede, a Bulgarian, a Serb, a Swiss, a Greek, a Belgian, a Singaporean, an Italian, and a Norwegian walk into a fine restaurant.
"I'm sorry," said the maître d', "but you can't come in here without a Thai."
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Barman on October 17, 2015, 04:21:17 AM
West Ham .....
ISIS least favourite team ..
on both parts......... noooo:
facepalm:
Post by: Steve on October 17, 2015, 09:41:16 AM
West Ham .....lol:
ISIS least favourite team ..
on both parts......... noooo:
Post by: apc2010 on October 17, 2015, 10:32:27 PM
Distinguishing between barista and barrister since 1944...........
(sorry BM redface: )
Post by: Steve on October 17, 2015, 10:38:22 PM
Grammar schools...........lol: lol: lol:
Distinguishing between barista and barrister since 1944...........
Post by: Barman on October 18, 2015, 05:10:42 AM
Grammar schools...........
Distinguishing between barista and barrister since 1944...........
(sorry BM redface: )
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Darwins Selection on October 18, 2015, 09:20:38 AM
lol: lol: lol: lol:Grammar schools...........
Distinguishing between barista and barrister since 1944...........
(sorry BM redface: )
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: apc2010 on October 21, 2015, 08:12:55 PM
"I do," I replied........................
Post by: Steve on October 21, 2015, 08:20:29 PM
My wife asked me if I'd ever regretted saying something............lol: lol: lol:
"I do," I replied........................
Post by: Just One More on October 29, 2015, 06:39:13 AM
"It's very brave of you to come out here," says Matthew. "Please tell the audience what happened."
"Well," replies Simon, "about a year ago, I was driving with my uncle when we had a really bad accident. Unfortunately my uncle was killed outright but I survived. I was trapped in the car for six hours before I was eventually cut free. The doctors had me in surgery for 12 hours but they couldn't save my legs."
"That's terrible. But I see you have legs now. Are they artificial?" asks Matthew.
"No Matthew, while I was in hospital the doctors informed me that my uncle had in fact died. But they also said that his legs were fine and, with all the advances in medical science, they could graft the bottom half of his body onto mine. As you can see the operation was successful. I have been having physiotherapy for six months and hope to be walking fully again by the end of the year."
A huge round of applause erupts from the audience. Kelly responds with, "That's an unbelievable story. So tonight, who are you going to be?"
"Tonight, Matthew, I am going to be Simon and Half uncle"
Post by: Barman on October 29, 2015, 06:42:26 AM
A young man walks onto the stage of Stars in their Eyes, on crutches, with a plaster cast from his feet to his hips. Matthew Kelly Introduces him as Simon.
"It's very brave of you to come out here," says Matthew. "Please tell the audience what happened."
"Well," replies Simon, "about a year ago, I was driving with my uncle when we had a really bad accident. Unfortunately my uncle was killed outright but I survived. I was trapped in the car for six hours before I was eventually cut free. The doctors had me in surgery for 12 hours but they couldn't save my legs."
"That's terrible. But I see you have legs now. Are they artificial?" asks Matthew.
"No Matthew, while I was in hospital the doctors informed me that my uncle had in fact died. But they also said that his legs were fine and, with all the advances in medical science, they could graft the bottom half of his body onto mine. As you can see the operation was successful. I have been having physiotherapy for six months and hope to be walking fully again by the end of the year."
A huge round of applause erupts from the audience. Kelly responds with, "That's an unbelievable story. So tonight, who are you going to be?"
"Tonight, Matthew, I am going to be Simon and Half uncle"
happy001
Post by: Uncle Mort on October 29, 2015, 08:56:03 AM
Post by: Darwins Selection on October 29, 2015, 09:27:17 AM
<groan>facepalm:
Even if it is the hat-coat thread
Post by: apc2010 on October 29, 2015, 12:32:39 PM
A young man walks onto the stage of Stars in their Eyes, on crutches, with a plaster cast from his feet to his hips. Matthew Kelly Introduces him as Simon.
"It's very brave of you to come out here," says Matthew. "Please tell the audience what happened."
"Well," replies Simon, "about a year ago, I was driving with my uncle when we had a really bad accident. Unfortunately my uncle was killed outright but I survived. I was trapped in the car for six hours before I was eventually cut free. The doctors had me in surgery for 12 hours but they couldn't save my legs."
"That's terrible. But I see you have legs now. Are they artificial?" asks Matthew.
"No Matthew, while I was in hospital the doctors informed me that my uncle had in fact died. But they also said that his legs were fine and, with all the advances in medical science, they could graft the bottom half of his body onto mine. As you can see the operation was successful. I have been having physiotherapy for six months and hope to be walking fully again by the end of the year."
A huge round of applause erupts from the audience. Kelly responds with, "That's an unbelievable story. So tonight, who are you going to be?"
"Tonight, Matthew, I am going to be Simon and Half uncle"
;D ;D ;D
Post by: Steve on October 29, 2015, 02:29:42 PM
happy001 happy001A young man walks onto the stage of Stars in their Eyes, on crutches, with a plaster cast from his feet to his hips. Matthew Kelly Introduces him as Simon.
"It's very brave of you to come out here," says Matthew. "Please tell the audience what happened."
"Well," replies Simon, "about a year ago, I was driving with my uncle when we had a really bad accident. Unfortunately my uncle was killed outright but I survived. I was trapped in the car for six hours before I was eventually cut free. The doctors had me in surgery for 12 hours but they couldn't save my legs."
"That's terrible. But I see you have legs now. Are they artificial?" asks Matthew.
"No Matthew, while I was in hospital the doctors informed me that my uncle had in fact died. But they also said that his legs were fine and, with all the advances in medical science, they could graft the bottom half of his body onto mine. As you can see the operation was successful. I have been having physiotherapy for six months and hope to be walking fully again by the end of the year."
A huge round of applause erupts from the audience. Kelly responds with, "That's an unbelievable story. So tonight, who are you going to be?"
"Tonight, Matthew, I am going to be Simon and Half uncle"
happy001
Post by: apc2010 on November 02, 2015, 07:52:48 PM
bacon will kill you...
but smoking bacon will cure it............ rubschin:
Post by: Barman on November 02, 2015, 07:59:46 PM
So smoking will kill you...
bacon will kill you...
but smoking bacon will cure it............ rubschin:
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Steve on November 02, 2015, 08:15:52 PM
lol: lol: lol: lol:So smoking will kill you...
bacon will kill you...
but smoking bacon will cure it............ rubschin:
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Darwins Selection on November 02, 2015, 08:24:29 PM
lol: lol: lol: lol: lol:lol: lol: lol: lol:So smoking will kill you...
bacon will kill you...
but smoking bacon will cure it............ rubschin:
lol: lol: lol:
Punchline of the day: "But it cures kippers"
Post by: The Moan Ranger on November 07, 2015, 01:48:11 PM
Will they catch on?
Remains to be seen.
Post by: Steve on November 07, 2015, 02:58:04 PM
Local funeral directors now offer these new glass, transparent coffins.lol: lol: lol:
Will they catch on?
Remains to be seen.
Post by: Steve on November 07, 2015, 03:10:39 PM
To be fair, though, they were only aged between 3 and 9 ten years ago.
Post by: Barman on November 07, 2015, 04:09:31 PM
Local funeral directors now offer these new glass, transparent coffins.
Will they catch on?
Remains to be seen.
drumroll:
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Darwins Selection on November 07, 2015, 08:24:28 PM
Local funeral directors now offer these new glass, transparent coffins.
Will they catch on?
Remains to be seen.
drumroll:
lol: lol: lol:
lol: lol: lol: lol:
Post by: apc2010 on December 03, 2015, 05:24:02 PM
I'm not sure I agree.,,,,,,,,,
Seems a bit harsh to push all those nurses out of a plane............ rubschin:
Post by: Barman on December 03, 2015, 05:31:38 PM
People are saying that the money wasted on bombs being dropped in Syria should've been spent on thousands of NHS nurses instead........
I'm not sure I agree.,,,,,,,,,
Seems a bit harsh to push all those nurses out of a plane............ rubschin:
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Barman on December 08, 2015, 05:51:00 AM
Post by: Just One More on December 08, 2015, 07:23:06 AM
Post by: Darwins Selection on December 08, 2015, 10:52:21 AM
I think it’s pretty cool how Chinese people made a language entirely out of tattoos.lol: lol:
Post by: apc2010 on December 08, 2015, 01:33:37 PM
I think it’s pretty cool how Chinese people made a language entirely out of tattoos.
;D ;D
Post by: apc2010 on December 08, 2015, 03:04:39 PM
After he'd asked the sales assistant for the tenth time, "How much is this?"............
Post by: Just One More on December 08, 2015, 10:46:29 PM
"To my son, David, I leave the 2 blocks of flats in the East End of London.
To my other son, Michael, I leave the 4 penthouses in Chelsea,
and finally to my eldest son, Kevin, I leave the big glass building near Tower Bridge."
With that he slipped away. The nurse turned to the wife and said, "I never realised your husband was so wealthy. You and your sons are very lucky."
His wife swiftly replied, "Was he bollocks! He was a fucking window cleaner!"
Post by: Steve on December 08, 2015, 11:34:54 PM
A man on his deathbed requested his wife, 3 sons, his nurse and a camera to be set up to record his final moments. Which were as follows...lol: lol: lol:
"To my son, David, I leave the 2 blocks of flats in the East End of London.
To my other son, Michael, I leave the 4 penthouses in Chelsea,
and finally to my eldest son, Kevin, I leave the big glass building near Tower Bridge."
With that he slipped away. The nurse turned to the wife and said, "I never realised your husband was so wealthy. You and your sons are very lucky."
His wife swiftly replied, "Was he bollocks! He was a fucking window cleaner!"
Post by: apc2010 on December 08, 2015, 11:35:09 PM
A man on his deathbed requested his wife, 3 sons, his nurse and a camera to be set up to record his final moments. Which were as follows...
"To my son, David, I leave the 2 blocks of flats in the East End of London.
To my other son, Michael, I leave the 4 penthouses in Chelsea,
and finally to my eldest son, Kevin, I leave the big glass building near Tower Bridge."
With that he slipped away. The nurse turned to the wife and said, "I never realised your husband was so wealthy. You and your sons are very lucky."
His wife swiftly replied, "Was he bollocks! He was a fucking window cleaner!"
;D
Post by: Barman on December 09, 2015, 06:37:03 AM
A man on his deathbed requested his wife, 3 sons, his nurse and a camera to be set up to record his final moments. Which were as follows...
"To my son, David, I leave the 2 blocks of flats in the East End of London.
To my other son, Michael, I leave the 4 penthouses in Chelsea,
and finally to my eldest son, Kevin, I leave the big glass building near Tower Bridge."
With that he slipped away. The nurse turned to the wife and said, "I never realised your husband was so wealthy. You and your sons are very lucky."
His wife swiftly replied, "Was he bollocks! He was a fucking window cleaner!"
happy001
Post by: Darwins Selection on December 09, 2015, 09:43:58 AM
A man on his deathbed requested his wife, 3 sons, his nurse and a camera to be set up to record his final moments. Which were as follows...
"To my son, David, I leave the 2 blocks of flats in the East End of London.
To my other son, Michael, I leave the 4 penthouses in Chelsea,
and finally to my eldest son, Kevin, I leave the big glass building near Tower Bridge."
With that he slipped away. The nurse turned to the wife and said, "I never realised your husband was so wealthy. You and your sons are very lucky."
His wife swiftly replied, "Was he bollocks! He was a fucking window cleaner!"
happy001
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: apc2010 on December 13, 2015, 03:51:32 PM
Post by: Nick on December 13, 2015, 03:51:58 PM
Post by: Barman on December 14, 2015, 08:30:32 AM
I'm going to have to rethink my time machine rental business............. rubschin:
happy001 happy001
Post by: Darwins Selection on December 14, 2015, 12:20:28 PM
I'm going to have to rethink my time machine rental business............. rubschin:
happy001 happy001
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Steve on December 14, 2015, 03:24:07 PM
lol: lol: lol: lol:I'm going to have to rethink my time machine rental business............. rubschin:
happy001 happy001
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: apc2010 on December 18, 2015, 04:23:25 PM
Do I walk out backwards................. rubschin:
Post by: apc2010 on December 19, 2015, 03:48:01 PM
Post by: Barman on December 19, 2015, 04:07:44 PM
Why do the homeless drink Tenants......... rubschin:
;D
Post by: Nick on December 21, 2015, 09:03:49 AM
Nun 2: Praise the Lord, I am sick of the Beaujolais
bye
Post by: Barman on December 21, 2015, 09:16:40 AM
Nun 1: There a case of syphilis in the convent!
Nun 2: Praise the Lord, I am sick of the Beaujolais
bye
;D
Post by: Steve on December 21, 2015, 10:32:01 AM
lol: lol:Nun 1: There a case of syphilis in the convent!
Nun 2: Praise the Lord, I am sick of the Beaujolais
bye
;D
Post by: apc2010 on December 21, 2015, 03:00:02 PM
Nun 1: There a case of syphilis in the convent!
Nun 2: Praise the Lord, I am sick of the Beaujolais
bye
;D ;D
Post by: apc2010 on December 24, 2015, 03:03:50 PM
The barman says, 'Y, the long face'.................... rubschin:
Post by: Nick on December 24, 2015, 03:06:33 PM
Post by: Barman on December 24, 2015, 03:09:32 PM
Pythagoras walks into a bar muttering, 'If a right-angled triangle has a short side, X, a long side, Y, and hypotenuse, Z, then the square of Z must be equal to the sum of the square of X and the square of, erm... uh...'
The barman says, 'Y, the long face'.................... rubschin:
drumroll:
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Darwins Selection on December 25, 2015, 06:56:07 PM
lol: lol: lol: lol:Pythagoras walks into a bar muttering, 'If a right-angled triangle has a short side, X, a long side, Y, and hypotenuse, Z, then the square of Z must be equal to the sum of the square of X and the square of, erm... uh...'
The barman says, 'Y, the long face'.................... rubschin:
drumroll:
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: apc2010 on December 30, 2015, 02:47:19 PM
so I took it back to the shop and exchanged it for another one free of charge......
Post by: Barman on December 30, 2015, 02:48:23 PM
The jumper I got for Christmas kept picking up static electricity.................
so I took it back to the shop and exchanged it for another one free of charge......
drumroll:
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Darwins Selection on December 30, 2015, 11:23:28 PM
lol: lol: lol: lol:The jumper I got for Christmas kept picking up static electricity.................
so I took it back to the shop and exchanged it for another one free of charge......
drumroll:
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Steve on December 31, 2015, 12:56:50 AM
lol: lol: lol: lol: lol:lol: lol: lol: lol:The jumper I got for Christmas kept picking up static electricity.................
so I took it back to the shop and exchanged it for another one free of charge......
drumroll:
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Just One More on January 03, 2016, 07:55:58 PM
Post by: Barman on January 03, 2016, 07:56:21 PM
For Sale: Stringless tennis racket. £7 - no returns
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: apc2010 on January 03, 2016, 08:14:38 PM
For Sale: Stringless tennis racket. £7 - no returns
;D ;D ;D
Post by: Darwins Selection on January 03, 2016, 11:24:34 PM
For Sale: Stringless tennis racket. £7 - no returns
;D ;D ;D
lol: lol: lol: lol:
Old cat to young cat "My Dad used to be in that racket after the war"
Post by: Steve on January 04, 2016, 10:56:05 AM
lol: lol: lol: lol: lol:For Sale: Stringless tennis racket. £7 - no returns
;D ;D ;D
lol: lol: lol: lol:
Old cat to young cat "My Dad used to be in that racket after the war"
Post by: apc2010 on January 04, 2016, 12:21:46 PM
For Sale: Stringless tennis racket. £7 - no returns
;D ;D ;D
lol: lol: lol: lol:
Old cat to young cat "My Dad used to be in that racket after the war"
drumroll:
Post by: Darwins Selection on January 09, 2016, 10:13:32 AM
Post by: Nick on January 09, 2016, 10:14:51 AM
Post by: Barman on January 09, 2016, 10:28:15 AM
I don't undertand all these women complaining about immigrants in Cologne, admittedly a good bath would be better, but surely it's a start.
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: apc2010 on January 09, 2016, 02:57:45 PM
I don't undertand all these women complaining about immigrants in Cologne, admittedly a good bath would be better, but surely it's a start.
;D ;D ;D
Post by: apc2010 on January 26, 2016, 11:30:38 PM
Ices claim responsibility.................. redface:
Post by: Darwins Selection on January 26, 2016, 11:34:10 PM
Blizzard kills 19 in USA........................drumroll:
Ices claim responsibility.................. redface:
Post by: Barman on January 27, 2016, 06:26:09 AM
Blizzard kills 19 in USA........................
Ices claim responsibility.................. redface:
happy001
Post by: Just One More on January 29, 2016, 07:09:07 AM
Post by: Just One More on January 29, 2016, 07:09:38 AM
No more mist and ice guy.....
Post by: Just One More on January 29, 2016, 07:10:32 AM
Post by: Just One More on January 29, 2016, 07:11:02 AM
Post by: Barman on January 29, 2016, 07:47:00 AM
Post by: Darwins Selection on January 29, 2016, 10:12:10 AM
^^^ happy001 ^^^^^^ happy001 ^^^
^^^ happy001 ^^^
Post by: Steve on January 29, 2016, 10:14:02 AM
^^^ happy001 ^^^^^^ happy001 ^^^^^^ happy001 ^^^
^^^ happy001 ^^^
^^^ happy001 ^^^
^^^ happy001 ^^^
Post by: Tipsy Gipsy on January 29, 2016, 03:35:01 PM
^^^ happy001 ^^^^^^ happy001 ^^^^^^ happy001 ^^^
^^^ happy001 ^^^
^^^ happy001 ^^^
^^^ happy001 ^^^
JOM... ^^^^^^^^^^^^
I think they've missed you. smile:
Post by: Barman on January 29, 2016, 03:47:25 PM
^^^ happy001 ^^^^^^ happy001 ^^^^^^ happy001 ^^^
^^^ happy001 ^^^
^^^ happy001 ^^^
^^^ happy001 ^^^
JOM... ^^^^^^^^^^^^
I think they've missed you. smile:
We have... cry:
Post by: Nick on January 30, 2016, 03:54:02 PM
A member of staff was seriously injured when a pallet of chocolate fell more than 50 feet and crushed him underneath.
He tried in vain to attract attention but every time he shouted "the milky bars are on me" everyone just cheered!!
Post by: Steve on January 30, 2016, 04:34:21 PM
Sad news at the Nestle factory today.happy001
A member of staff was seriously injured when a pallet of chocolate fell more than 50 feet and crushed him underneath.
He tried in vain to attract attention but every time he shouted "the milky bars are on me" everyone just cheered!!
Post by: Darwins Selection on January 30, 2016, 08:27:11 PM
happy001 happy001Sad news at the Nestle factory today.happy001
A member of staff was seriously injured when a pallet of chocolate fell more than 50 feet and crushed him underneath.
He tried in vain to attract attention but every time he shouted "the milky bars are on me" everyone just cheered!!
Post by: Barman on January 31, 2016, 09:22:49 AM
Sad news at the Nestle factory today.
A member of staff was seriously injured when a pallet of chocolate fell more than 50 feet and crushed him underneath.
He tried in vain to attract attention but every time he shouted "the milky bars are on me" everyone just cheered!!
AFFS... ::)
Post by: apc2010 on January 31, 2016, 11:44:37 AM
noooo:Sad news at the Nestle factory today.
A member of staff was seriously injured when a pallet of chocolate fell more than 50 feet and crushed him underneath.
He tried in vain to attract attention but every time he shouted "the milky bars are on me" everyone just cheered!!
AFFS... ::)
Post by: Nick on January 31, 2016, 11:47:48 AM
Post by: apc2010 on January 31, 2016, 11:51:43 AM
Post by: apc2010 on February 01, 2016, 12:54:52 PM
.
Police say he had a lot on his plate......... redface:
Post by: Barman on February 01, 2016, 01:31:41 PM
The world's best chef Benoit Violier has been found dead after apparent suicide....
.
Police say he had a lot on his plate......... redface:
;D
Post by: Steve on February 01, 2016, 10:45:38 PM
lol: lol:The world's best chef Benoit Violier has been found dead after apparent suicide....
.
Police say he had a lot on his plate......... redface:
;D
Post by: apc2010 on February 03, 2016, 10:07:22 AM
Wot about the isle of Man....... rubschin:
Post by: Darwins Selection on February 03, 2016, 11:23:08 AM
"No man is an island "............
Wot about the isle of Man....... rubschin:
"Norman is in Ireland"
Post by: Just One More on February 09, 2016, 08:38:02 PM
Post by: apc2010 on February 09, 2016, 08:46:24 PM
I met a transvestite from Greater Manchester yesterday, he had a Wigan address.
;D ;D ;D
Post by: Darwins Selection on February 09, 2016, 09:49:58 PM
I met a transvestite from Greater Manchester yesterday, he had a Wigan address.
;D ;D ;D
lol: lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Barman on February 10, 2016, 06:53:40 AM
I met a transvestite from Greater Manchester yesterday, he had a Wigan address.
;D ;D ;D
lol: lol: lol: lol:
lol: ;D lol: ;D razz:
Post by: Just One More on February 27, 2016, 06:06:25 PM
Post by: Steve on February 27, 2016, 06:48:07 PM
My girlfriend has just dumped me because of "your obsession with 80s music"........oh well....back to life, back to realitylol:
Post by: apc2010 on February 27, 2016, 07:09:18 PM
My girlfriend has just dumped me because of "your obsession with 80s music"........oh well....back to life, back to reality
;D ;D ;D ;D ;D
Post by: Barman on February 28, 2016, 06:12:27 AM
My girlfriend has just dumped me because of "your obsession with 80s music"........oh well....back to life, back to reality
happy001
Post by: Barman on February 28, 2016, 06:12:44 AM
Post by: Steve on February 28, 2016, 11:33:57 AM
Post by: apc2010 on March 11, 2016, 08:07:54 PM
A park bench can support a family........... Thumbs:
Post by: Steve on March 11, 2016, 08:41:01 PM
Post by: Barman on March 12, 2016, 07:55:34 AM
What's the difference between a black man and a park bench..............????
A park bench can support a family........... Thumbs:
happy001
Post by: Darwins Selection on March 12, 2016, 10:42:01 AM
;D ;DWhat's the difference between a black man and a park bench..............????
A park bench can support a family........... Thumbs:
happy001
Post by: apc2010 on March 15, 2016, 08:18:11 PM
I've been his customer for 6 years.......
I had no idea he was a barber....... rubschin:
Post by: Barman on March 15, 2016, 08:18:40 PM
My neighborhood barber just got arrested for selling drugs.........
I've been his customer for 6 years.......
I had no idea he was a barber....... rubschin:
happy001
Post by: Steve on March 15, 2016, 10:49:33 PM
lol: lol: lol:My neighborhood barber just got arrested for selling drugs.........
I've been his customer for 6 years.......
I had no idea he was a barber....... rubschin:
happy001
Post by: apc2010 on March 27, 2016, 10:08:17 AM
terrorists sprouting up everywhere........... redface:
Post by: Steve on March 27, 2016, 10:33:18 AM
Post by: apc2010 on April 15, 2016, 08:59:33 PM
You look for the fresh prints .......... Thumbs:
Post by: Barman on April 15, 2016, 09:05:19 PM
How do you find Will Smith in the snow ......... rubschin:
You look for the fresh prints .......... Thumbs:
tunble:
Post by: Steve on April 15, 2016, 09:07:29 PM
How do you find Will Smith in the snow ......... rubschin:lol: lol: lol:
You look for the fresh prints .......... Thumbs:
Post by: apc2010 on April 15, 2016, 09:24:50 PM
How do you find Will Smith in the snow ......... rubschin:
You look for the fresh prints .......... Thumbs:
tunble:
Too old ..... noooo:
Post by: Darwins Selection on April 16, 2016, 08:09:28 AM
I got it, but moving the mouse was more than it was worth. noooo:How do you find Will Smith in the snow ......... rubschin:
You look for the fresh prints .......... Thumbs:
tunble:
Too old ..... noooo:
Post by: Barman on April 16, 2016, 08:13:18 AM
I got it, but moving the mouse was more than it was worth. noooo:How do you find Will Smith in the snow ......... rubschin:
You look for the fresh prints .......... Thumbs:
tunble:
Too old ..... noooo:
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: apc2010 on April 16, 2016, 12:21:03 PM
I got it, but moving the mouse was more than it was worth. noooo:How do you find Will Smith in the snow ......... rubschin:
You look for the fresh prints .......... Thumbs:
tunble:
Too old ..... noooo:
lol: lol: lol:
evil:
Post by: Steve on April 16, 2016, 01:40:40 PM
lol: lol: lol: lol:I got it, but moving the mouse was more than it was worth. noooo:How do you find Will Smith in the snow ......... rubschin:
You look for the fresh prints .......... Thumbs:
tunble:
Too old ..... noooo:
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: apc2010 on May 21, 2016, 06:34:29 PM
I said maybe ........... whistle:
Post by: Grumpmeister on May 21, 2016, 09:29:36 PM
Post by: Steve on May 21, 2016, 11:00:12 PM
Miss T told me to stop singing "wonderwall "....... evil:lol: lol: lol:
I said maybe ........... whistle:
Post by: Barman on May 22, 2016, 10:03:29 AM
Miss T told me to stop singing "wonderwall "....... evil:lol: lol: lol:
I said maybe ........... whistle:
lol: lol: lol: lol:
Bastard earworm! cussing:
Post by: Grumpmeister on May 22, 2016, 10:15:27 AM
Miss T told me to stop singing "wonderwall "....... evil:lol: lol: lol:
I said maybe ........... whistle:
lol: lol: lol: lol:
Bastard earworm! cussing:
I thought the Album was Definitely Maybe rubschin:
Post by: Steve on May 22, 2016, 10:22:51 AM
What's the Story on that?Miss T told me to stop singing "wonderwall "....... evil:lol: lol: lol:
I said maybe ........... whistle:
lol: lol: lol: lol:
Bastard earworm! cussing:
I thought the Album was Definitely Maybe rubschin:
Post by: Barman on May 22, 2016, 10:25:22 AM
What's the Story on that?Miss T told me to stop singing "wonderwall "....... evil:lol: lol: lol:
I said maybe ........... whistle:
lol: lol: lol: lol:
Bastard earworm! cussing:
I thought the Album was Definitely Maybe rubschin:
Mor- cussing:
Post by: Darwins Selection on May 22, 2016, 03:41:25 PM
Post by: Nick on May 22, 2016, 03:43:46 PM
Post by: Steve on May 22, 2016, 04:13:12 PM
Post by: Grumpmeister on May 22, 2016, 06:42:27 PM
'Wonder Wall" is a popular beat-combo, right?
I'm sure your man's grandson can explain it to you Mr Darwin. whistle:
Post by: The Moan Ranger on June 09, 2016, 03:02:26 PM
"I used to be a cleaner at Paisley Park"
Interviewer
"And how would that prepare you to be a forensic detective?"
"I'm used to dusting for Prince"
Post by: Barman on June 09, 2016, 04:30:14 PM
INTERVIEW
"I used to be a cleaner at Paisley Park"
Interviewer
"And how would that prepare you to be a forensic detective?"
"I'm used to dusting for Prince"
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Steve on June 09, 2016, 07:23:19 PM
lol: lol: lol: lol:INTERVIEW
"I used to be a cleaner at Paisley Park"
Interviewer
"And how would that prepare you to be a forensic detective?"
"I'm used to dusting for Prince"
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Darwins Selection on June 09, 2016, 07:24:22 PM
lol: lol: lol: lol: lol:lol: lol: lol: lol:INTERVIEW
"I used to be a cleaner at Paisley Park"
Interviewer
"And how would that prepare you to be a forensic detective?"
"I'm used to dusting for Prince"
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: apc2010 on June 15, 2016, 11:50:11 AM
Poor Dav,,,,,,,,,,, noooo:
Post by: Barman on June 15, 2016, 12:18:23 PM
My mate David has had his ID stolen..............
Poor Dav,,,,,,,,,,, noooo:
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Steve on June 15, 2016, 07:43:36 PM
lol: lol: lol: lol:My mate David has had his ID stolen..............
Poor Dav,,,,,,,,,,, noooo:
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Darwins Selection on June 15, 2016, 09:24:54 PM
lol: lol: lol: lol: lol:lol: lol: lol: lol:My mate David has had his ID stolen..............lol: lol: lol:
Poor Dav,,,,,,,,,,, noooo:
Post by: apc2010 on November 25, 2016, 07:12:22 PM
So I pushed her under a bus............ Thumbs:
Post by: Barman on November 25, 2016, 07:44:40 PM
An old woman stopped me in the street and asked me to show her how to get to the hospital............
So I pushed her under a bus............ Thumbs:
happy001
Post by: Darwins Selection on November 26, 2016, 12:15:29 AM
happy001 happy001An old woman stopped me in the street and asked me to show her how to get to the hospital............
So I pushed her under a bus............ Thumbs:
happy001
Post by: Steve on November 29, 2016, 07:00:36 PM
happy001 happy001 happy001happy001 happy001An old woman stopped me in the street and asked me to show her how to get to the hospital............
So I pushed her under a bus............ Thumbs:
happy001
Post by: apc2010 on December 01, 2016, 06:51:40 PM
this of course would help everyone get their fiver day.................. redface:
Post by: Barman on December 01, 2016, 06:56:33 PM
Apparently the vegans are calling for the new notes to be remade using mixed vegetable and fruit fibres.......
this of course would help everyone get their fiver day.................. redface:
tunble:
Post by: apc2010 on December 01, 2016, 06:57:39 PM
Apparently the vegans are calling for the new notes to be remade using mixed vegetable and fruit fibres.......
this of course would help everyone get their fiver day.................. redface:
tunble:
There was a red face ......... evil:
Post by: Barman on December 01, 2016, 06:59:26 PM
Apparently the vegans are calling for the new notes to be remade using mixed vegetable and fruit fibres.......
this of course would help everyone get their fiver day.................. redface:
tunble:
There was a red face ......... evil:
It should have been much redder... ::)
Post by: Steve on December 02, 2016, 08:47:37 AM
Nah, made me larf lol: lol: lol:Apparently the vegans are calling for the new notes to be remade using mixed vegetable and fruit fibres.......
this of course would help everyone get their fiver day.................. redface:
tunble:
There was a red face ......... evil:
It should have been much redder... ::)
Post by: apc2010 on December 12, 2016, 07:39:05 PM
Sweets......... Thumbs:
Post by: Barman on December 13, 2016, 05:19:49 AM
What does the average Paki weigh ................. rubschin:
Sweets......... Thumbs:
happy001
Post by: Just One More on December 19, 2016, 10:41:19 PM
Post by: Barman on December 20, 2016, 06:14:56 AM
Bad news for Chris Rea. His cars failed its MOT
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Uncle Mort on December 20, 2016, 08:10:04 AM
Post by: Barman on December 20, 2016, 08:41:56 AM
I don't get it Shrugs:
He won't be driving home for Christmas in it.... ;)
Post by: Uncle Mort on December 20, 2016, 11:09:26 AM
I don't get it Shrugs:
He won't be driving home for Christmas in it.... ;)
Oh ~ I blame the bad grammar
Post by: Darwins Selection on December 20, 2016, 05:17:41 PM
I don't get it Shrugs:
He won't be driving home for Christmas in it.... ;)
Oh ~ I blame the bad grammar
:thumbsup:
Can't spell 'Rear' either.
Post by: Nick on December 20, 2016, 06:18:32 PM
Post by: apc2010 on December 20, 2016, 08:35:06 PM
Post by: Barman on December 20, 2016, 08:37:12 PM
Why do the homeless drink tennants........... rubschin:
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Just One More on December 21, 2016, 12:19:57 AM
Why do the homeless drink tennants........... rubschin:
AFF's, and it was one of yours lol:
Why do the homeless drink Tenants......... rubschin:
Barman laughed three times as much this time though :thumbsup:
Post by: apc2010 on December 21, 2016, 01:42:31 AM
Why do the homeless drink tennants........... rubschin:
AFF's, and it was one of yours lol:Why do the homeless drink Tenants......... rubschin:
Barman laughed three times as much this time though :thumbsup:
redface: redface:
Post by: Barman on December 21, 2016, 07:54:02 AM
Why do the homeless drink tennants........... rubschin:
AFF's, and it was one of yours lol:Why do the homeless drink Tenants......... rubschin:
Barman laughed three times as much this time though :thumbsup:
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: apc2010 on December 21, 2016, 04:58:21 PM
My mate wants an x-box for Xmas........ Thumbs:
Post by: Barman on December 21, 2016, 07:35:48 PM
Found some old cardboard ...........
My mate wants an x-box for Xmas........ Thumbs:
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Steve on December 21, 2016, 09:30:47 PM
lol: lol: lol: lol:Found some old cardboard ...........
My mate wants an x-box for Xmas........ Thumbs:
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: apc2010 on December 24, 2016, 03:04:23 PM
Your sister won't blow me for a baritone......... redface:
Post by: Steve on December 24, 2016, 03:19:06 PM
What's the difference between a baritone and a tenor.............. rubschin:happy001
Your sister won't blow me for a baritone......... redface:
Post by: Barman on December 25, 2016, 09:15:09 AM
What's the difference between a baritone and a tenor.............. rubschin:happy001
Your sister won't blow me for a baritone......... redface:
happy001 happy001
Post by: apc2010 on January 06, 2017, 09:49:18 PM
I didn't even know she bloody sold them.......... noooo:
Post by: Barman on January 06, 2017, 09:51:24 PM
Miss T complained I never buy her flowers...........
I didn't even know she bloody sold them.......... noooo:
happy001
Post by: apc2010 on January 06, 2017, 10:05:57 PM
Post by: Steve on January 06, 2017, 10:36:14 PM
lol: lol: lol:Miss T complained I never buy her flowers...........
I didn't even know she bloody sold them.......... noooo:
happy001
Post by: Darwins Selection on January 06, 2017, 11:05:12 PM
lol: lol: lol: lol:lol: lol: lol:Miss T complained I never buy her flowers...........
I didn't even know she bloody sold them.......... noooo:
happy001
Post by: Barman on January 07, 2017, 07:30:30 AM
Technically was Lance Armstrong .....peddling drugs........... rubschin:
drumroll:
Post by: Steve on January 07, 2017, 10:47:47 AM
drumroll: drumroll:Technically was Lance Armstrong .....peddling drugs........... rubschin:
drumroll:
Post by: Just One More on January 07, 2017, 11:37:39 AM
Technically was Lance Armstrong .....peddling drugs........... rubschin:
They'll be telling the same joke with Wiggins's name in the future noooo: (http://www.bbc.co.uk/sport/cycling/38535591)
Post by: Barman on January 07, 2017, 11:41:36 AM
Technically was Lance Armstrong .....peddling drugs........... rubschin:
They'll be telling the same joke with Wiggins's name in the future noooo: (http://www.bbc.co.uk/sport/cycling/38535591)
noooo: noooo:
Post by: apc2010 on January 10, 2017, 01:23:32 AM
No I didn't stop ........ Thumbs:
Post by: Barman on January 10, 2017, 06:49:30 AM
I walking into a room full of people wanking.......... eeek:
No I didn't stop ........ Thumbs:
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Miss Demeanour on January 10, 2017, 09:42:54 PM
I walking into a room full of people wanking.......... eeek:
No I didn't stop ........ Thumbs:
Were you being honoured ?
Post by: apc2010 on January 15, 2017, 05:55:40 PM
Mark my words.......... redface:
Post by: Barman on January 15, 2017, 06:01:22 PM
Highlighter pens are the future............. Thumbs:
Mark my words.......... redface:
happy001
Post by: Steve on January 15, 2017, 06:55:58 PM
happy001 happy001Highlighter pens are the future............. Thumbs:
Mark my words.......... redface:
happy001
Post by: Darwins Selection on January 15, 2017, 11:23:14 PM
happy001 happy001 happy001happy001 happy001Highlighter pens are the future............. Thumbs:
Mark my words.......... redface:
happy001
Post by: apc2010 on January 17, 2017, 09:04:01 PM
Hope she knows how to fix a hoover......... rubschin:
Post by: Barman on January 18, 2017, 06:58:23 AM
For the wife's birthday got her a matching bag and belt........... Thumbs:
Hope she knows how to fix a hoover......... rubschin:
happy001
Post by: Steve on January 18, 2017, 09:08:37 AM
lol: lol: lol:For the wife's birthday got her a matching bag and belt........... Thumbs:
Hope she knows how to fix a hoover......... rubschin:
happy001
Post by: apc2010 on January 19, 2017, 09:30:19 PM
How fucking fast were they walking .......... eeek: eeek:
Post by: Barman on January 20, 2017, 07:18:11 AM
BBC NEWS.....Two pedestrians killed in a collision............
How fucking fast were they walking .......... eeek: eeek:
I won't be stealing that one... ;)
Post by: apc2010 on January 24, 2017, 12:39:04 AM
Just wait till she gets her tripadvisor review .............. noooo:
Post by: Barman on January 24, 2017, 05:41:03 AM
Miss T accused me of using our place as an hotel ............ eeek: eeek:
Just wait till she gets her tripadvisor review .............. noooo:
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Just One More on January 24, 2017, 06:59:17 AM
Miss T accused me of using our place as an hotel ............ eeek: eeek:
Just wait till she gets her tripadvisor review .............. noooo:
Chuck him out Miss T. And tell him to make sure he leaves his keys in reception :thumbsup:
Post by: Steve on January 24, 2017, 10:25:43 AM
And she should look away when his bill shows what he's been watching on On Demand TVMiss T accused me of using our place as an hotel ............ eeek: eeek:
Just wait till she gets her tripadvisor review .............. noooo:
Chuck him out Miss T. And tell him to make sure he leaves his keys in reception :thumbsup:
(Arsenal matches)
Post by: Barman on January 25, 2017, 11:47:49 AM
He was involved in a head on collision and died...
Post by: apc2010 on January 26, 2017, 01:08:20 AM
But on the plus side it still works ......... Thumbs:
Post by: Barman on January 26, 2017, 08:14:37 AM
My calculator is missing a button .......... evil:
But on the plus side it still works ......... Thumbs:
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: apc2010 on February 03, 2017, 07:52:04 PM
It's easy when you know how ........... redface:
Post by: Steve on February 03, 2017, 08:07:40 PM
I can speak native american ..........tunble:
It's easy when you know how ........... redface:
Post by: Barman on February 03, 2017, 08:23:17 PM
I can speak native american ..........
It's easy when you know how ........... redface:
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Just One More on February 04, 2017, 10:18:46 PM
Post by: Darwins Selection on February 04, 2017, 11:10:47 PM
The next person to ask me for Pineapple Juice, Cranberry Juice, Lemonade and a Slice of Orange in the same glass is gonna get a Punch.lol: lol:
Post by: Steve on February 05, 2017, 12:08:49 AM
lol: lol: lol:The next person to ask me for Pineapple Juice, Cranberry Juice, Lemonade and a Slice of Orange in the same glass is gonna get a Punch.lol: lol:
Post by: Barman on February 05, 2017, 07:14:59 AM
lol: lol: lol: lol:lol: lol: lol:The next person to ask me for Pineapple Juice, Cranberry Juice, Lemonade and a Slice of Orange in the same glass is gonna get a Punch.lol: lol:
Post by: Barman on February 06, 2017, 09:23:00 AM
All of a sudden, we heard a key go in the front door.
"Quick, It’s my husband!!", she screamed.
"Try the back door.."
Well, in hindsight, I really should've just legged it but you don’t get an offer like that every day.
Post by: Steve on February 06, 2017, 12:22:57 PM
I got lucky down Wetherspoons last night and ended up shagging some bird back at her place, over the kitchen table.lol: lol: lol:
All of a sudden, we heard a key go in the front door.
"Quick, It’s my husband!!", she screamed.
"Try the back door.."
Well, in hindsight, I really should've just legged it but you don’t get an offer like that every day.
Post by: apc2010 on February 07, 2017, 05:42:23 PM
I got lucky down Wetherspoons last night and ended up shagging some bird back at her place, over the kitchen table.
All of a sudden, we heard a key go in the front door.
"Quick, It’s my husband!!", she screamed.
"Try the back door.."
Well, in hindsight, I really should've just legged it but you don’t get an offer like that every day.
;D ;D ;D ;D
Post by: apc2010 on February 07, 2017, 05:43:25 PM
Fucking speed cameras don't agree.......... evil:
Post by: Steve on February 07, 2017, 06:17:56 PM
They say 40 is the new 30............lol: lol: lol:
Fucking speed cameras don't agree.......... evil:
Post by: Barman on February 07, 2017, 06:37:18 PM
They say 40 is the new 30............
Fucking speed cameras don't agree.......... evil:
happy001
Post by: apc2010 on February 07, 2017, 11:31:01 PM
He said I'am not sure .."that's a big ask "........ redface:
Post by: Barman on February 08, 2017, 06:58:38 AM
Went to the sign writers and ordered a 6ft S ...a 6ft A..... and a 6 ft K...........
He said I'am not sure .."that's a big ask "........ redface:
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: apc2010 on February 12, 2017, 03:49:15 PM
That came right out of the orange......... rubschin:
Post by: Barman on February 12, 2017, 03:49:34 PM
My doctor told me I'm colour blind........... eeek:
That came right out of the orange......... rubschin:
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Steve on February 12, 2017, 05:43:12 PM
lol: lol: lol: lol:My doctor told me I'm colour blind........... eeek:
That came right out of the orange......... rubschin:
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Darwins Selection on February 12, 2017, 05:44:03 PM
lol: lol: lol: lol: lol:lol: lol: lol: lol:My doctor told me I'm colour blind........... eeek:
That came right out of the orange......... rubschin:
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Darwins Selection on February 15, 2017, 11:22:00 AM
I thought that was quite a regular occurrence in that part of the world, although rarely fatal.
Post by: Barman on February 15, 2017, 11:26:15 AM
Kim Jong-nam was approached by a young woman at the airport and was surprised by a small prick.
I thought that was quite a regular occurrence in that part of the world, although rarely fatal.
Toaster sized you say? lol:
Post by: Just One More on February 19, 2017, 02:09:13 PM
Someone threw a tub of Omega 3 pills at me..... luckily my injuries are only super fish oil
Post by: Steve on February 19, 2017, 03:39:23 PM
Possibly Affs rubschin: ...lol: lol: lol:
Someone threw a tub of Omega 3 pills at me..... luckily my injuries are only super fish oil
Post by: apc2010 on February 19, 2017, 07:28:06 PM
Possibly Affs rubschin: ...
Someone threw a tub of Omega 3 pills at me..... luckily my injuries are only super fish oil
;D ;D ;D
Post by: Darwins Selection on February 19, 2017, 08:08:04 PM
lol: lol: lol: lol:Possibly Affs rubschin: ...
Someone threw a tub of Omega 3 pills at me..... luckily my injuries are only super fish oil
;D ;D ;D
Post by: Barman on February 20, 2017, 06:12:40 AM
lol: lol: lol: lol: lol:lol: lol: lol: lol:Possibly Affs rubschin: ...
Someone threw a tub of Omega 3 pills at me..... luckily my injuries are only super fish oil
;D ;D ;D
Post by: Just One More on February 25, 2017, 09:43:03 PM
The barman said, "I'm not serving Narnia" redface:
Post by: apc2010 on February 25, 2017, 09:51:14 PM
A lion, a witch and a wardrobe walk into a bar
The barman said, "I'm not serving Narnia" redface:
;D need an accent
Post by: Darwins Selection on February 25, 2017, 10:44:32 PM
A lion, a witch and a wardrobe walk into a bar
The barman said, "I'm not serving Narnia" redface:
;D need an accent
You have a grave condition
Post by: apc2010 on February 26, 2017, 12:21:08 AM
A lion, a witch and a wardrobe walk into a bar
The barman said, "I'm not serving Narnia" redface:
;D need an accent
You have a grave condition
They should have drunk cologne ......... redface:
Post by: apc2010 on March 01, 2017, 11:10:36 AM
Post by: Steve on March 01, 2017, 11:12:19 AM
I am giving up past tense for lend .............. redface:lol:
Post by: Barman on March 01, 2017, 11:15:11 AM
I am giving up past tense for lend .............. redface:
happy001
Post by: The Moan Ranger on March 01, 2017, 12:50:52 PM
Sorry, Holocaust remembrance day.
Post by: Barman on March 01, 2017, 12:56:19 PM
Today is Ash Wednesday.
Sorry, Holocaust remembrance day.
happy001
Post by: apc2010 on March 01, 2017, 01:29:05 PM
Today is Ash Wednesday.
Sorry, Holocaust remembrance day.
;D ;D ;D ;D
Post by: apc2010 on March 05, 2017, 07:49:33 PM
Fucking Ikea wardrobes........... noooo:
Post by: Steve on March 05, 2017, 07:59:33 PM
When one door closes ............................another one opens ............. Thumbs:happy002
Fucking Ikea wardrobes........... noooo:
Post by: Barman on March 06, 2017, 09:14:22 AM
When one door closes ............................another one opens ............. Thumbs:happy002
Fucking Ikea wardrobes........... noooo:
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: apc2010 on March 09, 2017, 01:05:56 AM
So started smoking ......... Thumbs:
Post by: Barman on March 09, 2017, 08:36:29 AM
My doctor told me to take up an activity keep me out of the pub .............. sad24:
So started smoking ......... Thumbs:
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Steve on March 09, 2017, 09:27:16 AM
Post by: Darwins Selection on March 09, 2017, 11:43:45 AM
lol: lol: lol: lol:lol: lol: lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Just One More on March 11, 2017, 09:10:18 PM
OVNR......
Post by: Steve on March 11, 2017, 09:17:17 PM
Help! I'm playing Scrabble with Midge Ure. I've only got 4 letters left, but they mean nothing to me:........lol: lol: lol:
OVNR......
Post by: Barman on March 12, 2017, 07:26:00 AM
lol: lol: lol: lol:Help! I'm playing Scrabble with Midge Ure. I've only got 4 letters left, but they mean nothing to me:........lol: lol: lol:
OVNR......
Post by: apc2010 on March 18, 2017, 05:35:28 PM
But it was one hell of a party .......... Thumbs:
Post by: Barman on March 18, 2017, 06:05:40 PM
Cost me 10 grand when my wife got kidnapped ......... eeek: eeek:
But it was one hell of a party .......... Thumbs:
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: apc2010 on March 27, 2017, 12:00:50 PM
She said "I'm Anita "..........
so saying" yes I can tell" is wrong .......... rubschin:
Post by: Nick on March 27, 2017, 12:04:08 PM
Post by: Barman on March 27, 2017, 12:42:08 PM
So a fat bird comes up to me in the pub last night .......
She said "I'm Anita "..........
so saying" yes I can tell" is wrong .......... rubschin:
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Steve on March 27, 2017, 02:43:59 PM
lol: lol: lol: lol:So a fat bird comes up to me in the pub last night .......
She said "I'm Anita "..........
so saying" yes I can tell" is wrong .......... rubschin:
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: apc2010 on April 08, 2017, 08:20:45 PM
4...........
Post by: Steve on April 08, 2017, 08:23:14 PM
Post by: Barman on April 09, 2017, 07:28:45 AM
Post by: Darwins Selection on April 09, 2017, 10:05:02 PM
Post by: apc2010 on May 04, 2017, 10:51:50 AM
Best before date ..........
on Rohypnol bottle ......
Post by: Barman on May 04, 2017, 10:54:11 AM
Stating the obvious ........ rubschin:
Best before date ..........
on Rohypnol bottle ......
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Nick on September 14, 2017, 10:35:01 AM
Post by: Barman on September 14, 2017, 10:44:50 AM
My doctor has given me some anti-gloating cream. Now all I want to do is rub it in......
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Steve on September 14, 2017, 11:03:03 AM
lol: lol: lol: lol:My doctor has given me some anti-gloating cream. Now all I want to do is rub it in......
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Darwins Selection on September 16, 2017, 05:12:46 PM
lol: lol: lol: lol: lol:lol: lol: lol: lol:My doctor has given me some anti-gloating cream. Now all I want to do is rub it in......
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Nick on October 09, 2017, 10:16:03 AM
redface:
Post by: Barman on October 09, 2017, 10:25:58 AM
5 out of 6 scientists say Russian Roulette is safe.
redface:
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Darwins Selection on October 09, 2017, 09:17:31 PM
lol: lol: lol: lol:5 out of 6 scientists say Russian Roulette is safe.
redface:
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Just One More on October 26, 2017, 06:04:11 PM
Bastards... I bent over backwards for them
Post by: Nick on October 26, 2017, 06:05:03 PM
Post by: Barman on October 26, 2017, 06:54:40 PM
I've just had my membership of the local limbo dancing troupe cancelled
Bastards... I bent over backwards for them
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Steve on October 26, 2017, 09:13:52 PM
lol: lol: lol: lol:I've just had my membership of the local limbo dancing troupe cancelled
Bastards... I bent over backwards for them
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Darwins Selection on October 27, 2017, 03:38:34 PM
lol: lol: lol: lol: lol:lol: lol: lol: lol:I've just had my membership of the local limbo dancing troupe cancelled
Bastards... I bent over backwards for them
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: apc2010 on November 19, 2017, 07:10:17 PM
"Excuse me mate! Do you want to buy this size 13 Nike trainer?" ...........
I told him to fuck off and sell his biggish shoe to someone else................ redface:
Post by: Nick on November 19, 2017, 07:18:46 PM
Post by: Steve on November 19, 2017, 09:33:55 PM
I was walking down the high street earlier and a homeless man walks up to me with a trainer in his hand.....................lol: lol: lol:
"Excuse me mate! Do you want to buy this size 13 Nike trainer?" ...........
I told him to fuck off and sell his biggish shoe to someone else................ redface:
Post by: Barman on November 20, 2017, 06:47:02 AM
lol: lol: lol: lol:I was walking down the high street earlier and a homeless man walks up to me with a trainer in his hand.....................lol: lol: lol:
"Excuse me mate! Do you want to buy this size 13 Nike trainer?" ...........
I told him to fuck off and sell his biggish shoe to someone else................ redface:
Post by: Darwins Selection on November 20, 2017, 09:13:23 AM
lol: lol: lol: lol: lol:lol: lol: lol: lol:I was walking down the high street earlier and a homeless man walks up to me with a trainer in his hand.....................lol: lol: lol:
"Excuse me mate! Do you want to buy this size 13 Nike trainer?" ...........
I told him to fuck off and sell his biggish shoe to someone else................ redface:
Post by: apc2010 on November 20, 2017, 02:58:02 PM
I wouldn't like to be is his Boots........................ redface:
Post by: Nick on November 20, 2017, 02:59:12 PM
Post by: Barman on November 20, 2017, 03:21:16 PM
A Chemist owner was up in court today for killing two customers in his shop........... eeek:
I wouldn't like to be is his Boots........................ redface:
happy001
Post by: Steve on November 20, 2017, 05:29:35 PM
happy001 happy001A Chemist owner was up in court today for killing two customers in his shop........... eeek:
I wouldn't like to be is his Boots........................ redface:
happy001
Post by: apc2010 on November 24, 2017, 01:55:59 PM
'Duvet know it's Christmas?'.............. Thumbs:
It's a cover version........................... redface:
Post by: Barman on November 24, 2017, 02:47:37 PM
I am releasing my first single next week and it's called,...........
'Duvet know it's Christmas?'.............. Thumbs:
It's a cover version........................... redface:
lol:
Post by: Steve on November 24, 2017, 04:30:33 PM
lol: lol:I am releasing my first single next week and it's called,...........
'Duvet know it's Christmas?'.............. Thumbs:
It's a cover version........................... redface:
lol:
Post by: Just One More on November 24, 2017, 08:14:58 PM
lol: lol:I am releasing my first single next week and it's called,...........
'Duvet know it's Christmas?'.............. Thumbs:
It's a cover version........................... redface:
lol:
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Darwins Selection on November 24, 2017, 08:28:14 PM
;D ;D ;D ;Dlol: lol:I am releasing my first single next week and it's called,...........
'Duvet know it's Christmas?'.............. Thumbs:
It's a cover version........................... redface:
lol:
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Just One More on November 24, 2017, 11:07:07 PM
Bach in a Jiffy!
Post by: Darwins Selection on November 24, 2017, 11:37:25 PM
There's a new service where you can send those free classical music CDs you get in the paper sometimes and they'll give you money for it. They even provide you with the padded envelope for it.lol: lol:
Bach in a Jiffy!
They do the same for online Chopin.
Post by: Barman on November 25, 2017, 06:51:30 AM
There's a new service where you can send those free classical music CDs you get in the paper sometimes and they'll give you money for it. They even provide you with the padded envelope for it.
Bach in a Jiffy!
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Barman on November 25, 2017, 06:51:55 AM
There's a new service where you can send those free classical music CDs you get in the paper sometimes and they'll give you money for it. They even provide you with the padded envelope for it.lol: lol:
Bach in a Jiffy!
They do the same for online Chopin.
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Just One More on November 25, 2017, 08:21:53 AM
There's a new service where you can send those free classical music CDs you get in the paper sometimes and they'll give you money for it. They even provide you with the padded envelope for it.lol: lol:
Bach in a Jiffy!
They do the same for online Chopin.
lol: lol: lol: lol:
lol: lol: lol: lol: lol:
Post by: apc2010 on November 25, 2017, 12:06:25 PM
There's a new service where you can send those free classical music CDs you get in the paper sometimes and they'll give you money for it. They even provide you with the padded envelope for it.lol: lol:
Bach in a Jiffy!
They do the same for online Chopin.
drumroll:
Post by: Just One More on November 27, 2017, 09:46:37 PM
Post by: apc2010 on November 27, 2017, 10:21:40 PM
After seeing a heart wrenching advert for adopting a Jaguar on the Discovery Channel, I’ve decided to dig deep and pay the £3 per month. I’m amazed that this sort of thing can be done so cheaply and I’m really hoping it’ll be the XF model in gun metal grey but I’m not fussy.
;D ;D
Post by: Barman on November 28, 2017, 05:32:59 AM
After seeing a heart wrenching advert for adopting a Jaguar on the Discovery Channel, I’ve decided to dig deep and pay the £3 per month. I’m amazed that this sort of thing can be done so cheaply and I’m really hoping it’ll be the XF model in gun metal grey but I’m not fussy.
;D ;D
;D ;D ;D
Post by: Just One More on December 09, 2017, 10:46:57 AM
Post by: Steve on December 09, 2017, 10:50:38 AM
Does anyone know if you can put the pin back into a grenade? ....would appreciate a quick answer..happy001
Post by: Barman on December 09, 2017, 11:06:38 AM
happy001 happy001Does anyone know if you can put the pin back into a grenade? ....would appreciate a quick answer..happy001
Post by: Darwins Selection on December 09, 2017, 04:04:06 PM
happy001 happy001 happy001happy001 happy001Does anyone know if you can put the pin back into a grenade? ....would appreciate a quick answer..happy001
Post by: apc2010 on December 09, 2017, 04:21:56 PM
happy001 happy001 happy001happy001 happy001Does anyone know if you can put the pin back into a grenade? ....would appreciate a quick answer..happy001
;D ;D ;D ;D ;D
Post by: apc2010 on December 18, 2017, 03:58:05 PM
"How is she?" I asked........
"Very critical," replied the officer...........
"What's she fucking complaining about now?" I said.............
Post by: Barman on December 18, 2017, 04:05:39 PM
The police phoned me to tell me my wife was in hospital....................
"How is she?" I asked........
"Very critical," replied the officer...........
"What's she fucking complaining about now?" I said.............
happy001
Post by: Steve on December 18, 2017, 07:27:33 PM
lol: lol: lol:The police phoned me to tell me my wife was in hospital....................
"How is she?" I asked........
"Very critical," replied the officer...........
"What's she fucking complaining about now?" I said.............
happy001
Post by: Darwins Selection on December 18, 2017, 09:46:24 PM
;D ;D ;D ;Dlol: lol: lol:The police phoned me to tell me my wife was in hospital....................
"How is she?" I asked........
"Very critical," replied the officer...........
"What's she fucking complaining about now?" I said.............
happy001
Post by: Nick on December 20, 2017, 06:14:35 PM
redface:
Post by: Barman on December 20, 2017, 06:20:59 PM
If attacked by a gang of clowns make sure you go for the juggler.
redface:
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Just One More on January 07, 2018, 06:46:08 PM
(https://s9.postimg.org/9irh4lx57/chinese_riceless.jpg) (https://postimg.org/image/9irh4lx57/)
Post by: Steve on January 07, 2018, 06:59:54 PM
(https://s9.postimg.org/9irh4lx57/chinese_riceless.jpg) (https://postimg.org/image/9irh4lx57/)
Post by: Barman on January 07, 2018, 07:01:22 PM
lol: lol: lol: lol:
(https://s9.postimg.org/9irh4lx57/chinese_riceless.jpg) (https://postimg.org/image/9irh4lx57/)
Post by: Darwins Selection on January 07, 2018, 11:55:22 PM
lol: lol: lol: lol: lol:lol: lol: lol: lol:
(https://s9.postimg.org/9irh4lx57/chinese_riceless.jpg) (https://postimg.org/image/9irh4lx57/)
Post by: apc2010 on January 14, 2018, 08:35:39 AM
I immediately called the waiter over and said "What the fvck is this .......???????
He said you ordered "AROMATIC duck".............. redface:
Post by: Barman on January 14, 2018, 08:44:27 AM
I was in a Chinese restaurant last night when a duck came up to me, gave me a rose and said, "Your eyes sparkle like Diamonds"
I immediately called the waiter over and said "What the fvck is this .......???????
He said you ordered "AROMATIC duck".............. redface:
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: apc2010 on January 20, 2018, 09:50:10 AM
I'm taking it back though because I keep getting a bit of crackling... noooo:
Post by: Barman on January 20, 2018, 09:54:20 AM
I've recently had an ear transplant at my local hospital and they used a pigs ear................ eeek:
I'm taking it back though because I keep getting a bit of crackling... noooo:
noooo:
Post by: apc2010 on January 20, 2018, 09:58:01 AM
Their suite and shower is really cheap ......... rubschin:
Post by: Uncle Mort on January 20, 2018, 11:04:39 AM
Post by: Barman on January 20, 2018, 11:50:45 AM
Iam thinking of buying all my furniture and bathroom fittings from my local Chinese restaurant................. rubschin:
Their suite and shower is really cheap ......... rubschin:
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Steve on January 20, 2018, 01:22:14 PM
lol: lol: lol: lol:Iam thinking of buying all my furniture and bathroom fittings from my local Chinese restaurant................. rubschin:
Their suite and shower is really cheap ......... rubschin:
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Steve on January 20, 2018, 01:23:53 PM
I've recently had an ear transplant at my local hospital and they used a pigs ear................ eeek:
I'm taking it back though because I keep getting a bit of crackling... noooo:
happy001
Post by: Just One More on January 20, 2018, 02:00:34 PM
Post by: Barman on January 20, 2018, 02:05:01 PM
Three weeks ago I slipped in the kitchen on some spilled margarine and hurt my knee. Three weeks later, and it's still really sore. I can't believe it's not better.
happy001
Post by: apc2010 on January 20, 2018, 02:21:21 PM
Three weeks ago I slipped in the kitchen on some spilled margarine and hurt my knee. Three weeks later, and it's still really sore. I can't believe it's not better.
;D ;D
Post by: Steve on January 20, 2018, 02:35:01 PM
lol: lol: lol:Three weeks ago I slipped in the kitchen on some spilled margarine and hurt my knee. Three weeks later, and it's still really sore. I can't believe it's not better.
;D ;D
Post by: Nick on January 21, 2018, 07:27:07 AM
Post by: Darwins Selection on January 21, 2018, 10:16:05 AM
lol: lol: lol: lol:lol: lol: lol:Three weeks ago I slipped in the kitchen on some spilled margarine and hurt my knee. Three weeks later, and it's still really sore. I can't believe it's not better.
;D ;D
Post by: Nick on January 23, 2018, 08:02:57 AM
Post by: Barman on January 23, 2018, 08:09:35 AM
So Neil Diamond is retiring because he has Parkinson's Disease. I imagine many of his loyal fans would not mind it too much if he sang in a Yorkshire accent.
happy001
Post by: Steve on January 23, 2018, 09:07:47 AM
lol: lol: lol:So Neil Diamond is retiring because he has Parkinson's Disease. I imagine many of his loyal fans would not mind it too much if he sang in a Yorkshire accent.
happy001
Post by: Darwins Selection on January 23, 2018, 09:50:37 AM
lol: lol: lol: lol:lol: lol: lol:So Neil Diamond is retiring because he has Parkinson's Disease. I imagine many of his loyal fans would not mind it too much if he sang in a Yorkshire accent.
happy001
Post by: Just One More on January 26, 2018, 06:47:26 AM
Post by: Barman on January 26, 2018, 06:52:53 AM
Can this Government help the Dwarf Family that lives next door to me, they are really struggling to put food on the table
happy001
Post by: apc2010 on January 26, 2018, 09:26:57 AM
Can this Government help the Dwarf Family that lives next door to me, they are really struggling to put food on the table
;D ;D ;D ;D
Post by: Steve on January 26, 2018, 09:48:48 AM
happy001 happy001Can this Government help the Dwarf Family that lives next door to me, they are really struggling to put food on the table
happy001
Post by: Darwins Selection on January 26, 2018, 04:41:52 PM
happy001 happy001 happy001happy001 happy001Can this Government help the Dwarf Family that lives next door to me, they are really struggling to put food on the table
happy001
Post by: Just One More on January 26, 2018, 11:45:01 PM
Post by: Barman on January 27, 2018, 05:55:14 AM
"I spy, with my little eye" were King Harold's last words
happy001
Post by: apc2010 on January 27, 2018, 08:16:52 AM
"I spy, with my little eye" were King Harold's last words
;D ;D ;D ;D
Post by: Darwins Selection on January 27, 2018, 10:47:13 AM
lol: lol: lol: lol: lol:"I spy, with my little eye" were King Harold's last words
;D ;D ;D ;D
Post by: Just One More on January 28, 2018, 07:52:04 AM
(https://s17.postimg.org/k21gitc17/nan_stannah.jpg) (https://postimg.org/image/k21gitc17/)
Post by: Barman on January 29, 2018, 01:09:22 PM
(https://s17.postimg.org/k21gitc17/nan_stannah.jpg) (https://postimg.org/image/k21gitc17/)
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Steve on January 29, 2018, 05:55:57 PM
lol: lol: lol: lol:
(https://s17.postimg.org/k21gitc17/nan_stannah.jpg) (https://postimg.org/image/k21gitc17/)
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: apc2010 on January 30, 2018, 09:16:23 AM
(https://s17.postimg.org/k21gitc17/nan_stannah.jpg) (https://postimg.org/image/k21gitc17/)
drumroll:
Post by: apc2010 on February 08, 2018, 11:15:35 AM
67 for the show
115 to get ready,
Now, go cat go."..............
Diane Abbot singing 'Blue Suede Shoes' on Karaoke night............
Post by: Barman on February 08, 2018, 11:18:43 AM
"Well, give me 38 for the money
67 for the show
115 to get ready,
Now, go cat go."..............
Diane Abbot singing 'Blue Suede Shoes' on Karaoke night............
happy001
Post by: Steve on February 08, 2018, 11:45:30 AM
happy001 happy001"Well, give me 38 for the money
67 for the show
115 to get ready,
Now, go cat go."..............
Diane Abbot singing 'Blue Suede Shoes' on Karaoke night............
happy001
Post by: Darwins Selection on February 08, 2018, 04:38:25 PM
happy001 happy001 happy001happy001 happy001"Well, give me 38 for the money
67 for the show
115 to get ready,
Now, go cat go."..............
Diane Abbot singing 'Blue Suede Shoes' on Karaoke night............
happy001
Post by: Just One More on February 14, 2018, 09:28:50 PM
(https://s9.postimg.org/ewqzsim4r/clothes_large.jpg) (https://postimg.org/image/ewqzsim4r/)
Post by: Steve on February 14, 2018, 09:41:01 PM
lol: lol: lol:
(https://s9.postimg.org/ewqzsim4r/clothes_large.jpg) (https://postimg.org/image/ewqzsim4r/)
Post by: Barman on February 15, 2018, 06:46:37 AM
lol: lol: lol: lol:lol: lol: lol:
(https://s9.postimg.org/ewqzsim4r/clothes_large.jpg) (https://postimg.org/image/ewqzsim4r/)
Post by: Darwins Selection on February 15, 2018, 07:32:39 AM
lol: lol: lol: lol: lol:lol: lol: lol: lol:lol: lol: lol:
(https://s9.postimg.org/ewqzsim4r/clothes_large.jpg) (https://postimg.org/image/ewqzsim4r/)
Post by: Just One More on February 17, 2018, 12:13:38 PM
I guessed toffee, but it was peanut
I guessed strawberry, but it was coffee.
I was wrong on so many Revels
Post by: Steve on February 17, 2018, 12:46:42 PM
I guessed orange, but it was chocolatelol: lol: lol:
I guessed toffee, but it was peanut
I guessed strawberry, but it was coffee.
I was wrong on so many Revels
Post by: Barman on February 17, 2018, 01:32:32 PM
lol: lol: lol: lol:I guessed orange, but it was chocolatelol: lol: lol:
I guessed toffee, but it was peanut
I guessed strawberry, but it was coffee.
I was wrong on so many Revels
Post by: Darwins Selection on February 17, 2018, 02:04:36 PM
lol: lol: lol: lol: lol:lol: lol: lol: lol:I guessed orange, but it was chocolatelol: lol: lol:
I guessed toffee, but it was peanut
I guessed strawberry, but it was coffee.
I was wrong on so many Revels
Post by: apc2010 on February 17, 2018, 05:19:20 PM
I guessed orange, but it was chocolate
I guessed toffee, but it was peanut
I guessed strawberry, but it was coffee.
I was wrong on so many Revels
;D ;D ;D ;D ;D
Post by: Just One More on February 19, 2018, 10:55:53 PM
It was very successful,
But it does come with one little drawback.
I'm still trying to Reverse my Car, out of the Hospital Car Park..!
Post by: Steve on February 19, 2018, 11:55:10 PM
My Sex Change Operation from Male to Female, went really well actually.lol: lol: lol:
It was very successful,
But it does come with one little drawback.
I'm still trying to Reverse my Car, out of the Hospital Car Park..!
Post by: Barman on February 20, 2018, 07:58:37 AM
lol: lol: lol: lol:My Sex Change Operation from Male to Female, went really well actually.lol: lol: lol:
It was very successful,
But it does come with one little drawback.
I'm still trying to Reverse my Car, out of the Hospital Car Park..!
Post by: Darwins Selection on February 20, 2018, 09:17:02 AM
lol: lol: lol: lol: lol:lol: lol: lol: lol:My Sex Change Operation from Male to Female, went really well actually.lol: lol: lol:
It was very successful,
But it does come with one little drawback.
I'm still trying to Reverse my Car, out of the Hospital Car Park..!
Post by: Just One More on March 04, 2018, 04:37:07 PM
Post by: Barman on March 04, 2018, 04:48:26 PM
I don't know how to keep my hands warm in these finger less gloves... Anyone got any tips?
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Just One More on March 04, 2018, 05:01:43 PM
"Sex Is Better On Holiday....."
That Wasn’t A Nice Postcard To Receive
Post by: Nick on March 04, 2018, 05:03:01 PM
Post by: Just One More on March 04, 2018, 05:37:18 PM
Someone Was Killed With A Starter Pistol Today.......
Police Think, It's Race Related.
Post by: Nick on March 04, 2018, 05:40:18 PM
Post by: Steve on March 04, 2018, 06:50:59 PM
lol: lol: lol: lol:I don't know how to keep my hands warm in these finger less gloves... Anyone got any tips?
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Steve on March 04, 2018, 06:51:46 PM
My Wife Told Mehappy001
"Sex Is Better On Holiday....."
That Wasn’t A Nice Postcard To Receive
Post by: Just One More on March 04, 2018, 09:18:14 PM
Mike and Bernie.
Post by: Steve on March 04, 2018, 09:57:48 PM
Being of advanced years, I can remember the worst two winters ever.happy001
Mike and Bernie.
Post by: Barman on March 05, 2018, 07:00:15 AM
happy001 happy001My Wife Told Mehappy001
"Sex Is Better On Holiday....."
That Wasn’t A Nice Postcard To Receive
Post by: Barman on March 05, 2018, 07:02:13 AM
happy001 happy001Being of advanced years, I can remember the worst two winters ever.happy001
Mike and Bernie.
Best part of their 'act' was the dog... noooo:
Post by: apc2010 on March 05, 2018, 05:51:33 PM
Post by: Just One More on March 10, 2018, 04:55:34 PM
Really weird if you ask me... Anyway, just read that he was found dead in an alley coz of a drug overdose.. It's never nice hearing of someones death, but on the bright side, washing machines live longer with Cal gone.
Post by: Barman on March 10, 2018, 04:59:35 PM
Some of you may have heard about this prick called Cal going round breaking in to people's houses around Hampshire for months, but the local police couldn't catch him. The weirdest thing about it all is he was breaking into people's houses just to ruin their washing machines by putting bricks in them & turning them on!
Really weird if you ask me... Anyway, just read that he was found dead in an alley coz of a drug overdose.. It's never nice hearing of someones death, but on the bright side, washing machines live longer with Cal gone.
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Steve on March 10, 2018, 06:43:53 PM
lol: lol: lol: lol:Some of you may have heard about this prick called Cal going round breaking in to people's houses around Hampshire for months, but the local police couldn't catch him. The weirdest thing about it all is he was breaking into people's houses just to ruin their washing machines by putting bricks in them & turning them on!
Really weird if you ask me... Anyway, just read that he was found dead in an alley coz of a drug overdose.. It's never nice hearing of someones death, but on the bright side, washing machines live longer with Cal gone.
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Nick on March 16, 2018, 11:15:46 AM
They are just fake gnus.
Post by: Steve on March 16, 2018, 11:45:24 AM
I hear Donald Trump keeps a herd of antelope in the White House grounds.happy001
They are just fake gnus.
Post by: Barman on March 16, 2018, 11:54:51 AM
happy001 happy001I hear Donald Trump keeps a herd of antelope in the White House grounds.happy001
They are just fake gnus.
Post by: Darwins Selection on March 16, 2018, 09:31:00 PM
happy001 happy001 happy001happy001 happy001I hear Donald Trump keeps a herd of antelope in the White House grounds.happy001
They are just fake gnus.
Post by: Just One More on April 20, 2018, 08:23:57 PM
Post by: Barman on April 20, 2018, 08:51:46 PM
I've got a memory like one of those things that gets lumps out of flour.
happy001
Post by: Steve on April 20, 2018, 09:07:34 PM
lol: lol: lol:I've got a memory like one of those things that gets lumps out of flour.
happy001
Post by: Just One More on April 20, 2018, 11:37:15 PM
Post by: Barman on April 21, 2018, 04:08:50 AM
If you are sky diving and the parachute doesn't open don't worry you have the rest of your life to fix it :thumbsup:
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Steve on April 21, 2018, 08:11:01 AM
lol: lol: lol: lol:If you are sky diving and the parachute doesn't open don't worry you have the rest of your life to fix it :thumbsup:
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Darwins Selection on April 21, 2018, 04:46:29 PM
lol: lol: lol: lol: lol:lol: lol: lol: lol:If you are sky diving and the parachute doesn't open don't worry you have the rest of your life to fix it :thumbsup:
lol: lol: lol:
^^^^^^^^
Both :thumbsup:
Post by: Uncle Mort on May 05, 2018, 12:12:32 PM
He's been charged with bleach of the priest.
Post by: Barman on May 05, 2018, 08:36:46 PM
BREAKING NEWS :A man has broke into a church and threw domestos over the vicar.
He's been charged with bleach of the priest.
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Just One More on July 08, 2018, 01:35:57 PM
They still sacked me though, turns out aircraft are fucking expensive to fix
Post by: Steve on July 08, 2018, 01:39:50 PM
I got called into human resources today because of a couple of incidents and was asked if I knew the difference between left and right wing. I told them to fuck off as my politics was my business.happy001
They still sacked me though, turns out aircraft are fucking expensive to fix
Post by: Barman on July 09, 2018, 06:21:08 AM
happy001 happy001I got called into human resources today because of a couple of incidents and was asked if I knew the difference between left and right wing. I told them to fuck off as my politics was my business.happy001
They still sacked me though, turns out aircraft are fucking expensive to fix
Post by: Darwins Selection on July 10, 2018, 06:48:52 PM
happy001 happy001 happy001happy001 happy001I got called into human resources today because of a couple of incidents and was asked if I knew the difference between left and right wing. I told them to fuck off as my politics was my business.happy001
They still sacked me though, turns out aircraft are fucking expensive to fix
Post by: Just One More on July 12, 2018, 09:07:10 PM
It wasn't about how I wrote, it was more the fact I never used toilet paper.
Post by: Nick on July 12, 2018, 09:19:37 PM
Post by: Steve on July 12, 2018, 09:29:17 PM
All through school I was called 'cack-handed.happy001
It wasn't about how I wrote, it was more the fact I never used toilet paper.
Post by: Nick on July 12, 2018, 09:38:01 PM
Post by: Barman on July 13, 2018, 05:27:20 AM
All through school I was called 'cack-handed.
It wasn't about how I wrote, it was more the fact I never used toilet paper.
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Just One More on July 15, 2018, 08:59:35 PM
Due to his selfless heroic act, she asked, "Are you a vet?"
He replied, "Vet? I'm fuken soaked!"
Post by: Steve on July 15, 2018, 09:48:28 PM
A German tourist jumped in the sea and saved a ladies precious little dog. Upon getting back on the pier, he checked her puppy out and told her, "Ze dog is ok. He vill be fine."lol:
Due to his selfless heroic act, she asked, "Are you a vet?"
He replied, "Vet? I'm fuken soaked!"
Post by: Barman on July 16, 2018, 05:53:55 AM
A German tourist jumped in the sea and saved a ladies precious little dog. Upon getting back on the pier, he checked her puppy out and told her, "Ze dog is ok. He vill be fine."
Due to his selfless heroic act, she asked, "Are you a vet?"
He replied, "Vet? I'm fuken soaked!"
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Darwins Selection on July 16, 2018, 08:13:06 AM
lol: lol: lol: lol:A German tourist jumped in the sea and saved a ladies precious little dog. Upon getting back on the pier, he checked her puppy out and told her, "Ze dog is ok. He vill be fine."
Due to his selfless heroic act, she asked, "Are you a vet?"
He replied, "Vet? I'm fuken soaked!"
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Steve on July 16, 2018, 05:13:11 PM
After a few minutes, a big tall cowboy walked in and said "Who owns the big white horse outside?"
The Lone Ranger stood up, hitched his gun belt, and said, "I do....... Why?"
The cowboy looked at the Lone Ranger and said, "I just thought you’d like to know that your horse is just about dead outside!"
The Lone Ranger and Tonto rushed outside and sure enough Silver was close to death from heat exhaustion.
The Lone Ranger got the horse watered and soon Silver was starting to feel a little better.
The Lone Ranger turned to Tonto and said, "Tonto, I want you to run around Silver and see if you can create enough of a breeze to make him cool down and feel better."
Tonto said, "Sure, no worries Kemosabe" and took off running circles around Silver.
Not able to do anything else but wait, the Lone Ranger returned to the saloon to finish his drink
A few minutes later, another cowboy struts into the bar and asks, "Who owns that big white horse outside?" The Lone Ranger stands again, and says, "I do, what's wrong with him this time?"
Ya left your injun runnin!"
Post by: Nick on July 16, 2018, 05:15:20 PM
Post by: Barman on July 16, 2018, 05:27:47 PM
tunble:tunble: tunble:
Post by: Steve on July 16, 2018, 08:33:24 PM
Post by: Just One More on July 22, 2018, 06:56:20 AM
Post by: Barman on July 22, 2018, 07:00:51 AM
My wife crashed her car yesterday. She told the Police that the man she collided with was on his mobile and drinking beer from a can at the time. The Police said that the gentleman was entitled to do whatever he wanted in his own back garden.
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Nick on July 22, 2018, 08:21:38 AM
Post by: Steve on July 22, 2018, 08:46:29 AM
lol: lol: lol: lol:My wife crashed her car yesterday. She told the Police that the man she collided with was on his mobile and drinking beer from a can at the time. The Police said that the gentleman was entitled to do whatever he wanted in his own back garden.
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Barman on July 22, 2018, 09:26:08 AM
Sounds like LL whistle:
scared2:
Post by: Nick on August 07, 2018, 01:07:05 PM
Guy goes into a dry cleaners and hands over some damaged trousers for cleaning and repair.
Dry cleaner: Euripides?
Man: Eumenides?
Dry cleaner: 20 Euros
Sorry redface:
Post by: Nick on August 07, 2018, 01:10:59 PM
Post by: Barman on August 07, 2018, 01:13:58 PM
Post by: Steve on August 07, 2018, 06:25:42 PM
tunble:tunble: tunble:
Post by: Darwins Selection on August 08, 2018, 05:01:20 PM
I suppose Mr Darwin (sir), may get it, but he will wish he hadn't noooo:facepalm:
Post by: Just One More on August 15, 2018, 07:56:51 PM
Post by: Just One More on August 15, 2018, 11:45:00 PM
Post by: Barman on August 16, 2018, 06:29:04 AM
Paddy took 2 old Stuffed Dogs to the Antiques Roadshow, the presenter said this is a very rare breed, do you have any idea what they would fetch if they were in good condition, "Sticks" said Paddy.
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Darwins Selection on August 16, 2018, 02:55:14 PM
lol: lol: lol: lol:Paddy took 2 old Stuffed Dogs to the Antiques Roadshow, the presenter said this is a very rare breed, do you have any idea what they would fetch if they were in good condition, "Sticks" said Paddy.
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Steve on August 16, 2018, 07:12:08 PM
lol: lol: lol: lol: lol:lol: lol: lol: lol:Paddy took 2 old Stuffed Dogs to the Antiques Roadshow, the presenter said this is a very rare breed, do you have any idea what they would fetch if they were in good condition, "Sticks" said Paddy.
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Steve on August 20, 2018, 02:17:47 PM
From here https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-scotland-edinburgh-east-fife-45238696 (https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-scotland-edinburgh-east-fife-45238696)
and imho funnier than the one that got the award
Post by: Barman on August 21, 2018, 05:30:56 AM
"I took out a loan to pay for an exorcism. If I don't pay it back, I'm going to get repossessed"
From here https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-scotland-edinburgh-east-fife-45238696 (https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-scotland-edinburgh-east-fife-45238696)
and imho funnier than the one that got the award
tunble:
Post by: Steve on September 28, 2018, 08:32:13 PM
"Sir, your car was swerving all over the road."
I said "sorry officer I drank 10 pints and feel pissed."
Officer said, "that's no excuse to let your Wife drive.
Post by: Barman on September 29, 2018, 04:48:08 AM
Got stopped by the police last night.
"Sir, your car was swerving all over the road."
I said "sorry officer I drank 10 pints and feel pissed."
Officer said, "that's no excuse to let your Wife drive.
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Barman on September 29, 2018, 08:25:11 AM
I called the doctor to ask what they were feeding her. “Dry toast, fried eggs, pizza and, as a special treat sometimes, pancakes” he replied.
“Why those foods, will they help her?” I asked.
“I have no idea”, he said, “but it’s all we can fit under the door”.
Post by: Steve on September 29, 2018, 11:39:55 AM
My aunt was in hospital suffering from leprosy, tuberculosis, hepatitis and flu.happy001
I called the doctor to ask what they were feeding her. “Dry toast, fried eggs, pizza and, as a special treat sometimes, pancakes” he replied.
“Why those foods, will they help her?” I asked.
“I have no idea”, he said, “but it’s all we can fit under the door”.
Post by: Barman on October 01, 2018, 02:08:23 PM
“That’s okay” said the cashier, “you can put the cake back and just have the coffee”.
Post by: Steve on October 01, 2018, 08:25:35 PM
I bought a coffee and a piece of cake on the motorway services and apologised for only having a ten pound note.
“That’s okay” said the cashier, “you can put the cake back and just have the coffee”.
Post by: The Moan Ranger on October 05, 2018, 04:11:38 PM
I bought a coffee and a piece of cake on the motorway services and apologised for only having a ten pound note.
“That’s okay” said the cashier, “you can put the cake back and just have the coffee”.
@causticbob?
Post by: Just One More on December 08, 2018, 09:33:18 PM
As I discovered today at my daughter's Nativity play.
Post by: Steve on December 08, 2018, 09:36:10 PM
Did you know a human fart can be louder than a Trombone?lol: lol: lol:
As I discovered today at my daughter's Nativity play.
Post by: Barman on December 08, 2018, 09:41:29 PM
Did you know a human fart can be louder than a Trombone?
As I discovered today at my daughter's Nativity play.
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Just One More on December 18, 2018, 09:58:32 PM
Post by: Darwins Selection on December 18, 2018, 11:47:40 PM
WTF is an acronym?happy001 happy001
Post by: Steve on December 18, 2018, 11:58:15 PM
lol: lol: lol:WTF is an acronym?happy001 happy001
Post by: Barman on December 19, 2018, 06:36:01 AM
WTF is an acronym?
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Just One More on December 20, 2018, 07:58:44 AM
(https://i.postimg.cc/WdJnPfJr/cheer-up-well.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/WdJnPfJr)
Post by: Barman on December 20, 2018, 08:11:44 AM
(https://i.postimg.cc/WdJnPfJr/cheer-up-well.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/WdJnPfJr)
happy001
Post by: Steve on December 20, 2018, 11:36:41 AM
(https://i.postimg.cc/WdJnPfJr/cheer-up-well.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/WdJnPfJr)
happy001
happy001 happy001
Post by: Darwins Selection on December 20, 2018, 12:24:49 PM
(https://i.postimg.cc/WdJnPfJr/cheer-up-well.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/WdJnPfJr)
happy001 happy001
happy001 happy001
happy001 happy001 happy001
Post by: Just One More on January 04, 2019, 09:58:00 PM
(https://i.postimg.cc/k6XY3ngb/waft-towel.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/k6XY3ngb)
Post by: Steve on January 04, 2019, 11:00:04 PM
lol: lol: lol:
(https://i.postimg.cc/k6XY3ngb/waft-towel.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/k6XY3ngb)
Post by: Barman on January 05, 2019, 05:30:21 AM
(https://i.postimg.cc/k6XY3ngb/waft-towel.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/k6XY3ngb)
AFFS! lol:
https://www.virtual-pub.com/SMF/index.php?topic=8111.msg522299#msg522299 (https://www.virtual-pub.com/SMF/index.php?topic=8111.msg522299#msg522299)
whistle:
Post by: Just One More on January 05, 2019, 07:38:57 AM
(https://i.postimg.cc/k6XY3ngb/waft-towel.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/k6XY3ngb)
AFFS! lol:
https://www.virtual-pub.com/SMF/index.php?topic=8111.msg522299#msg522299 (https://www.virtual-pub.com/SMF/index.php?topic=8111.msg522299#msg522299)
whistle:
Damn. Top Affs-ing Barman :thumbsup:
Post by: Barman on January 05, 2019, 07:43:19 AM
(https://i.postimg.cc/k6XY3ngb/waft-towel.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/k6XY3ngb)
AFFS! lol:
https://www.virtual-pub.com/SMF/index.php?topic=8111.msg522299#msg522299 (https://www.virtual-pub.com/SMF/index.php?topic=8111.msg522299#msg522299)
whistle:
Damn. Top Affs-ing Barman :thumbsup:
angel1
Post by: Darwins Selection on January 05, 2019, 06:56:19 PM
2014!
(https://i.postimg.cc/k6XY3ngb/waft-towel.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/k6XY3ngb)
AFFS! lol:
https://www.virtual-pub.com/SMF/index.php?topic=8111.msg522299#msg522299 (https://www.virtual-pub.com/SMF/index.php?topic=8111.msg522299#msg522299)
whistle:
Was that before or after they shot Kennedy?
Post by: Steve on January 05, 2019, 07:36:30 PM
Someone shot Nigel Kennedy?2014!
(https://i.postimg.cc/k6XY3ngb/waft-towel.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/k6XY3ngb)
AFFS! lol:
https://www.virtual-pub.com/SMF/index.php?topic=8111.msg522299#msg522299 (https://www.virtual-pub.com/SMF/index.php?topic=8111.msg522299#msg522299)
whistle:
Was that before or after they shot Kennedy?
Post by: Just One More on January 05, 2019, 08:32:30 PM
Someone shot Nigel Kennedy?2014!
(https://i.postimg.cc/k6XY3ngb/waft-towel.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/k6XY3ngb)
AFFS! lol:
https://www.virtual-pub.com/SMF/index.php?topic=8111.msg522299#msg522299 (https://www.virtual-pub.com/SMF/index.php?topic=8111.msg522299#msg522299)
whistle:
Was that before or after they shot Kennedy?
"Monster!"
Post by: Grumpmeister on January 05, 2019, 10:35:20 PM
Someone shot Nigel Kennedy?2014!
(https://i.postimg.cc/k6XY3ngb/waft-towel.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/k6XY3ngb)
AFFS! lol:
https://www.virtual-pub.com/SMF/index.php?topic=8111.msg522299#msg522299 (https://www.virtual-pub.com/SMF/index.php?topic=8111.msg522299#msg522299)
whistle:
Was that before or after they shot Kennedy?
"Monster!"
It was Baldymort on the grassy knoll aiming at someone else... noooo:
Post by: Barman on January 06, 2019, 07:32:13 AM
2014!
(https://i.postimg.cc/k6XY3ngb/waft-towel.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/k6XY3ngb)
AFFS! lol:
https://www.virtual-pub.com/SMF/index.php?topic=8111.msg522299#msg522299 (https://www.virtual-pub.com/SMF/index.php?topic=8111.msg522299#msg522299)
whistle:
Was that before or after they shot Kennedy?
After, Kennedy was shot at 12:30...
Post by: Darwins Selection on January 06, 2019, 12:36:45 PM
doh: Obvious when you think about it. Thanks.2014!
(https://i.postimg.cc/k6XY3ngb/waft-towel.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/k6XY3ngb)
AFFS! lol:
https://www.virtual-pub.com/SMF/index.php?topic=8111.msg522299#msg522299 (https://www.virtual-pub.com/SMF/index.php?topic=8111.msg522299#msg522299)
whistle:
Was that before or after they shot Kennedy?
After, Kennedy was shot at 12:30...
Post by: Just One More on January 23, 2019, 09:17:25 PM
Post by: Steve on January 23, 2019, 09:32:45 PM
"Lucy in the sky with diamonds”... John Lennon a great musician, but shit at Cluedo!lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Barman on January 24, 2019, 05:38:11 AM
lol: lol: lol: lol:"Lucy in the sky with diamonds”... John Lennon a great musician, but shit at Cluedo!lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Just One More on January 28, 2019, 06:22:06 PM
Not Happy!
Post by: Steve on January 28, 2019, 06:30:38 PM
Post by: Barman on January 28, 2019, 06:43:57 PM
I've just been attacked by six dwarfs
Not Happy!
happy001
Post by: Darwins Selection on January 29, 2019, 09:13:08 AM
happy001 happy001I've just been attacked by six dwarfs
Not Happy!
happy001
Post by: Just One More on February 02, 2019, 06:15:16 PM
What I thought was an onion turned out to be a daffodil bulb. They said I should be out sometime in the spring
Post by: Steve on February 02, 2019, 06:37:58 PM
Just wanted to let everyone know that I have been admitted into hospital and they are keeping me in. I have only gone and poisoned myself. Can you believe it?lol: lol: lol:
What I thought was an onion turned out to be a daffodil bulb. They said I should be out sometime in the spring
Post by: Just One More on February 27, 2019, 05:41:24 AM
She walked straight up to me and said, "You're just pretending to be on the phone, aren't you?"
"Hold on a moment," I said to my pretend caller. "No, I'm not. What makes you think that I'm pretending?"
"You've got your thumb in your ear and your little finger on your lip."
Post by: Barman on February 27, 2019, 06:15:28 AM
I saw my ex girlfriend walking towards me in the high street today. Not wanting to stop and chat to her, I quickly pretended that I was talking on the phone.
She walked straight up to me and said, "You're just pretending to be on the phone, aren't you?"
"Hold on a moment," I said to my pretend caller. "No, I'm not. What makes you think that I'm pretending?"
"You've got your thumb in your ear and your little finger on your lip."
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Steve on February 27, 2019, 09:52:14 AM
lol: lol: lol: lol:I saw my ex girlfriend walking towards me in the high street today. Not wanting to stop and chat to her, I quickly pretended that I was talking on the phone.
She walked straight up to me and said, "You're just pretending to be on the phone, aren't you?"
"Hold on a moment," I said to my pretend caller. "No, I'm not. What makes you think that I'm pretending?"
"You've got your thumb in your ear and your little finger on your lip."
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Darwins Selection on February 27, 2019, 09:15:22 PM
lol: lol: lol: lol: lol:lol: lol: lol: lol:I saw my ex girlfriend walking towards me in the high street today. Not wanting to stop and chat to her, I quickly pretended that I was talking on the phone.
She walked straight up to me and said, "You're just pretending to be on the phone, aren't you?"
"Hold on a moment," I said to my pretend caller. "No, I'm not. What makes you think that I'm pretending?"
"You've got your thumb in your ear and your little finger on your lip."
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Just One More on March 02, 2019, 11:23:48 PM
(https://i.postimg.cc/NKjPVTXW/indian-punched.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/NKjPVTXW)
Post by: Barman on March 03, 2019, 06:17:05 AM
(https://i.postimg.cc/NKjPVTXW/indian-punched.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/NKjPVTXW)
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Steve on March 07, 2019, 12:15:04 AM
Your DUCK IS DEAD
A woman brought a very limp duck into a veterinary surgeon. As she laid her pet on the table, the vet pulled out his stethoscope and listened to the bird's chest.
After a moment or two, the vet shook his head and sadly said, "I'm sorry, your duck, Cuddles, has passed away."
The distressed woman wailed, "Are you sure?"
"Yes, I am sure. Your duck is dead," replied the vet..
"How can you be so sure?" she protested.. "I mean you haven't done any testing on him or anything. He might just be in a coma or something."
The vet rolled his eyes, turned around and left the room. He returned a few minutes later with a black Labrador Retriever. As the duck's owner looked on in amazement, the dog stood on his hind legs, put his front paws on the examination table and sniffed the duck from top to bottom. He then looked up at the vet with sad eyes and shook his head.
The vet patted the dog on the head and took it out of the room. A few minutes later he returned with a cat. The cat jumped on the table and also delicately sniffed the bird from head to foot. The cat sat back on its haunches, shook its head, meowed softly and strolled out of the room.
The vet looked at the woman and said, "I'm sorry, but as I said, this is most definitely, 100% certifiably, a dead duck."
The vet turned to his computer terminal, hit a few keys and produced a bill, which he handed to the woman..
The duck's owner, still in shock, took the bill. "£500!" she cried,"£500 just to tell me my duck is dead!"
The vet shrugged, "I'm sorry. If you had just taken my word for it, the bill would have been £20, but with the Lab Report and the Cat Scan, it's now £500."
Post by: Barman on March 07, 2019, 04:54:13 AM
Affs?
Your DUCK IS DEAD
A woman brought a very limp duck into a veterinary surgeon. As she laid her pet on the table, the vet pulled out his stethoscope and listened to the bird's chest.
After a moment or two, the vet shook his head and sadly said, "I'm sorry, your duck, Cuddles, has passed away."
The distressed woman wailed, "Are you sure?"
"Yes, I am sure. Your duck is dead," replied the vet..
"How can you be so sure?" she protested.. "I mean you haven't done any testing on him or anything. He might just be in a coma or something."
The vet rolled his eyes, turned around and left the room. He returned a few minutes later with a black Labrador Retriever. As the duck's owner looked on in amazement, the dog stood on his hind legs, put his front paws on the examination table and sniffed the duck from top to bottom. He then looked up at the vet with sad eyes and shook his head.
The vet patted the dog on the head and took it out of the room. A few minutes later he returned with a cat. The cat jumped on the table and also delicately sniffed the bird from head to foot. The cat sat back on its haunches, shook its head, meowed softly and strolled out of the room.
The vet looked at the woman and said, "I'm sorry, but as I said, this is most definitely, 100% certifiably, a dead duck."
The vet turned to his computer terminal, hit a few keys and produced a bill, which he handed to the woman..
The duck's owner, still in shock, took the bill. "£500!" she cried,"£500 just to tell me my duck is dead!"
The vet shrugged, "I'm sorry. If you had just taken my word for it, the bill would have been £20, but with the Lab Report and the Cat Scan, it's now £500."
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Darwins Selection on March 07, 2019, 01:26:01 PM
lol: lol: lol: lol:Affs?
Your DUCK IS DEAD
A woman brought a very limp duck into a veterinary surgeon. As she laid her pet on the table, the vet pulled out his stethoscope and listened to the bird's chest.
After a moment or two, the vet shook his head and sadly said, "I'm sorry, your duck, Cuddles, has passed away."
The distressed woman wailed, "Are you sure?"
"Yes, I am sure. Your duck is dead," replied the vet..
"How can you be so sure?" she protested.. "I mean you haven't done any testing on him or anything. He might just be in a coma or something."
The vet rolled his eyes, turned around and left the room. He returned a few minutes later with a black Labrador Retriever. As the duck's owner looked on in amazement, the dog stood on his hind legs, put his front paws on the examination table and sniffed the duck from top to bottom. He then looked up at the vet with sad eyes and shook his head.
The vet patted the dog on the head and took it out of the room. A few minutes later he returned with a cat. The cat jumped on the table and also delicately sniffed the bird from head to foot. The cat sat back on its haunches, shook its head, meowed softly and strolled out of the room.
The vet looked at the woman and said, "I'm sorry, but as I said, this is most definitely, 100% certifiably, a dead duck."
The vet turned to his computer terminal, hit a few keys and produced a bill, which he handed to the woman..
The duck's owner, still in shock, took the bill. "£500!" she cried,"£500 just to tell me my duck is dead!"
The vet shrugged, "I'm sorry. If you had just taken my word for it, the bill would have been £20, but with the Lab Report and the Cat Scan, it's now £500."
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Just One More on March 12, 2019, 11:38:21 PM
I said, "I didn't know that one but I could have a crack at Bohemian Rhapsody."
Post by: Steve on March 12, 2019, 11:44:59 PM
At a recent job interview I was asked if I could perform under pressure.lol: lol: lol:
I said, "I didn't know that one but I could have a crack at Bohemian Rhapsody."
Post by: Barman on March 13, 2019, 05:10:10 AM
lol: lol: lol: lol:At a recent job interview I was asked if I could perform under pressure.lol: lol: lol:
I said, "I didn't know that one but I could have a crack at Bohemian Rhapsody."
Post by: Just One More on April 05, 2019, 08:54:47 PM
I remember when we were on holiday in Wales, my husband and I were sat in a pub and all they were playing were shit Oasis records, so I asked the Barman if they had any other music. Well, before we knew it, the Welsh crawled out of the woodwork cursing me and threatening me, so my husband and I left, but they gave chase, so we run and run until we finally found our car. We jumped in and sped off, never even checking the rear view mirror to see if the chasing hordes were still there, no, not once did we look back in Bangor.
Sally Kanwate
Madchester.
Post by: Just One More on April 05, 2019, 09:23:26 PM
Shopkeeper looks at him and says, "certainly sir what is it your after"?
Paddy replies " a shag"
Post by: apc2010 on April 05, 2019, 09:25:13 PM
Is NOT the correct response......... rubschin:
Post by: Barman on April 06, 2019, 04:56:16 PM
Dear Sir/Madam
I remember when we were on holiday in Wales, my husband and I were sat in a pub and all they were playing were shit Oasis records, so I asked the Barman if they had any other music. Well, before we knew it, the Welsh crawled out of the woodwork cursing me and threatening me, so my husband and I left, but they gave chase, so we run and run until we finally found our car. We jumped in and sped off, never even checking the rear view mirror to see if the chasing hordes were still there, no, not once did we look back in Bangor.
Sally Kanwate
Madchester.
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Barman on April 06, 2019, 04:56:56 PM
Paddy goes into a florist and says, "can I get some flowers for my girlfriend"
Shopkeeper looks at him and says, "certainly sir what is it your after"?
Paddy replies " a shag"
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Just One More on April 08, 2019, 10:03:42 PM
I loved that caretaker's job.
Post by: Steve on April 08, 2019, 11:29:44 PM
I sometimes think of how much I miss my happy days at school: Forcing new pupils' heads down the toilet and flushing it; banging on classroom doors in the science block to get chased by the teachers; having a sneaky fag round the back of the bike sheds; and, of course queueing with the rest of the lads, to grab of view of slack Jenny's tits of the sixth form.happy001
I loved that caretaker's job.
Post by: Barman on April 09, 2019, 05:29:48 AM
I sometimes think of how much I miss my happy days at school: Forcing new pupils' heads down the toilet and flushing it; banging on classroom doors in the science block to get chased by the teachers; having a sneaky fag round the back of the bike sheds; and, of course queueing with the rest of the lads, to grab of view of slack Jenny's tits of the sixth form.
I loved that caretaker's job.
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Darwins Selection on April 09, 2019, 09:12:15 AM
lol: lol: lol: lol:I sometimes think of how much I miss my happy days at school: Forcing new pupils' heads down the toilet and flushing it; banging on classroom doors in the science block to get chased by the teachers; having a sneaky fag round the back of the bike sheds; and, of course queueing with the rest of the lads, to grab of view of slack Jenny's tits of the sixth form.
I loved that caretaker's job.
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: apc2010 on April 22, 2019, 09:53:05 PM
rubschin:
I said "people who sell fruit and veg are grocer "...........
redface:
Post by: Steve on April 22, 2019, 09:55:42 PM
A vegan said to me " people who sell meat..are disgusting "......lol: lol: lol:
rubschin:
I said "people who sell fruit and veg are grocer "...........
redface:
Post by: Barman on April 23, 2019, 05:48:46 AM
lol: lol: lol: lol:A vegan said to me " people who sell meat..are disgusting "......lol: lol: lol:
rubschin:
I said "people who sell fruit and veg are grocer "...........
redface:
Post by: Darwins Selection on April 23, 2019, 08:33:39 AM
lol: lol: lol: lol: lol:lol: lol: lol: lol:A vegan said to me " people who sell meat..are disgusting "......lol: lol: lol:
rubschin:
I said "people who sell fruit and veg are grocer "...........
redface:
Post by: apc2010 on April 25, 2019, 01:45:16 PM
is that a trick question?.............................. rubschin:.
Post by: Barman on April 25, 2019, 02:01:13 PM
Just been on a dieting website......... and it asked me if I accept cookies.......
is that a trick question?.............................. rubschin:.
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: apc2010 on April 26, 2019, 01:36:02 PM
U2 special edition..... Thumbs:
Fucking Streets got no names........... eeek:
Post by: Barman on April 26, 2019, 02:00:01 PM
Just bought a sat-nav......... Thumbs:
U2 special edition..... Thumbs:
Fucking Streets got no names........... eeek:
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Just One More on April 26, 2019, 10:45:32 PM
A bad romance starts with RAH RAH AH AH AH.
Post by: apc2010 on April 26, 2019, 10:47:54 PM
A good romance starts with trust, kindness, and mutual respect.
A bad romance starts with RAH RAH AH AH AH.
;D ;D ;D ;D
I'll explain to Darwin....... Thumbs:
Post by: Just One More on April 26, 2019, 11:02:08 PM
A good romance starts with trust, kindness, and mutual respect.
A bad romance starts with RAH RAH AH AH AH.
;D ;D ;D ;D
I'll explain to Darwin....... Thumbs:
:thumbsup:
Post by: Barman on April 27, 2019, 04:41:46 AM
A good romance starts with trust, kindness, and mutual respect.
A bad romance starts with RAH RAH AH AH AH.
;D ;D ;D ;D
I'll explain to Darwin....... Thumbs:
happy001
Not available on 78s you say...? rubschin:
Post by: apc2010 on April 27, 2019, 10:44:16 AM
are proof men can concentrate on 2 things at once............. Thumbs:
Post by: Barman on April 27, 2019, 11:31:01 AM
Boobs...................
are proof men can concentrate on 2 things at once............. Thumbs:
Thumbs:
Post by: Darwins Selection on April 27, 2019, 01:28:07 PM
::)A good romance starts with trust, kindness, and mutual respect.
A bad romance starts with RAH RAH AH AH AH.
;D ;D ;D ;D
I'll explain to Darwin....... Thumbs:
happy001
Not available on 78s you say...? rubschin:
(https://www.virtual-pub.com/SMF/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.phono.org%2FImg%2Fan-006.jpg&hash=a1347bff0d54b4a562f5b0b3c364b3341f5eff78)
I assume the reference is to some popular beat combo?
Post by: apc2010 on April 27, 2019, 01:41:29 PM
::)A good romance starts with trust, kindness, and mutual respect.
A bad romance starts with RAH RAH AH AH AH.
;D ;D ;D ;D
I'll explain to Darwin....... Thumbs:
happy001
Not available on 78s you say...? rubschin:
(https://www.virtual-pub.com/SMF/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.phono.org%2FImg%2Fan-006.jpg&hash=a1347bff0d54b4a562f5b0b3c364b3341f5eff78)
I assume the reference is to some popular beat combo?
Thumbs:
Post by: apc2010 on April 28, 2019, 03:51:02 PM
The pharmacist gestured with his index finger and said, "Come this way."........
The woman replied, "If I could come that way, I wouldn't need a vibrator!!.......
redface:
Post by: Barman on April 28, 2019, 03:53:49 PM
A woman walked into the pharmacy and asked for a vibrator...........
The pharmacist gestured with his index finger and said, "Come this way."........
The woman replied, "If I could come that way, I wouldn't need a vibrator!!.......
redface:
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: apc2010 on April 28, 2019, 06:17:33 PM
The suspects were last seen.........Running just as fast as they can, holding on to each others hand,,,,,,,,
redface:
(someone else can explain to Darwin this time ).... Thumbs:
Post by: Barman on April 28, 2019, 06:43:53 PM
Police are investigating a robbery at Tiffanys in London......
The suspects were last seen.........Running just as fast as they can, holding on to each others hand,,,,,,,,
redface:
(someone else can explain to Darwin this time ).... Thumbs:
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Just One More on April 28, 2019, 07:24:28 PM
(https://i.postimg.cc/t7MbNtCF/parcel-delivery.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/t7MbNtCF)
Post by: Barman on April 29, 2019, 03:34:47 AM
(https://i.postimg.cc/t7MbNtCF/parcel-delivery.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/t7MbNtCF)
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Steve on April 29, 2019, 02:19:56 PM
Post by: apc2010 on April 29, 2019, 04:17:36 PM
Is just a whim away..a whim away ...a whim away....a whim away......... Thumbs:
redface:
(and free ear-worm ).........
Post by: Barman on April 29, 2019, 04:19:00 PM
At any given time...the urge to sing......"The lion sleeps tonight "....
Is just a whim away..a whim away ...a whim away....a whim away......... Thumbs:
redface:
(and free ear-worm ).........
noooo:
Post by: Steve on April 29, 2019, 07:21:47 PM
lol: lol: lol:At any given time...the urge to sing......"The lion sleeps tonight "....
Is just a whim away..a whim away ...a whim away....a whim away......... Thumbs:
redface:
(and free ear-worm ).........
noooo:
Post by: apc2010 on April 29, 2019, 10:24:28 PM
I don't listen......... eeek:
And something else......... rubschin:
Post by: Darwins Selection on April 29, 2019, 11:36:18 PM
Miss T says I only have two faults ........ Thumbs:drumroll:
I don't listen......... eeek:
And something else......... rubschin:
Post by: Barman on April 30, 2019, 04:14:58 AM
Miss T says I only have two faults ........ Thumbs:
I don't listen......... eeek:
And something else......... rubschin:
AFFS... ::)
Post by: Steve on April 30, 2019, 09:58:36 AM
Post by: apc2010 on April 30, 2019, 07:03:44 PM
You could be, 'Next'.............. rubschin:
Post by: Barman on April 30, 2019, 07:10:14 PM
I've started giving all my Friends, Nicknames based on High Street shops......... 🙂
You could be, 'Next'.............. rubschin:
You could be Dixons... ::)
Post by: Steve on April 30, 2019, 07:45:06 PM
I've started giving all my Friends, Nicknames based on High Street shops......... 🙂lol: lol: lol:
You could be, 'Next'.............. rubschin:
Post by: Darwins Selection on May 01, 2019, 09:03:00 AM
TMR could be LidlI've started giving all my Friends, Nicknames based on High Street shops......... 🙂
You could be, 'Next'.............. rubschin:
You could be Dixons... ::)
Post by: Barman on May 01, 2019, 09:08:21 AM
TMR could be LidlI've started giving all my Friends, Nicknames based on High Street shops......... 🙂
You could be, 'Next'.............. rubschin:
You could be Dixons... ::)
drumroll:
Post by: apc2010 on May 01, 2019, 09:57:07 AM
TMR could be LidlI've started giving all my Friends, Nicknames based on High Street shops......... 🙂
You could be, 'Next'.............. rubschin:
You could be Dixons... ::)
drumroll:
;D ;D ;D
Post by: apc2010 on May 01, 2019, 07:35:28 PM
Paddy phones an Ambulance because his mate's been hit by a Car.
Paddy: 'Get an Ambulance here quick, he's bleeding from his nose and ears and I tink both his legs are broken.'
Operator: 'What is your location sir?'
Paddy: 'Outside number 28, Eucalyptus Street ...'
Operator: 'How do you spell that sir"..???
Silence.... (heavy breathing) and after a minute.
Operator: 'Are you there sir"..??
More heavy breathing and another minute later.
Operator: 'Sir, can you hear me'..??
This goes on for another few minutes until....
Operator: 'Sir, please answer me. Can you still hear me".??
Paddy: 'Yes, sorry bout dat... I couldn't spell Eucalyptus, so I just dragged him round to number 3, Oak Street.............................
redface:
Post by: Barman on May 01, 2019, 07:53:01 PM
An Irish Road Accident...........
Paddy phones an Ambulance because his mate's been hit by a Car.
Paddy: 'Get an Ambulance here quick, he's bleeding from his nose and ears and I tink both his legs are broken.'
Operator: 'What is your location sir?'
Paddy: 'Outside number 28, Eucalyptus Street ...'
Operator: 'How do you spell that sir"..???
Silence.... (heavy breathing) and after a minute.
Operator: 'Are you there sir"..??
More heavy breathing and another minute later.
Operator: 'Sir, can you hear me'..??
This goes on for another few minutes until....
Operator: 'Sir, please answer me. Can you still hear me".??
Paddy: 'Yes, sorry bout dat... I couldn't spell Eucalyptus, so I just dragged him round to number 3, Oak Street.............................
redface:
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Steve on May 01, 2019, 08:12:00 PM
lol: lol: lol: lol:An Irish Road Accident...........
Paddy phones an Ambulance because his mate's been hit by a Car.
Paddy: 'Get an Ambulance here quick, he's bleeding from his nose and ears and I tink both his legs are broken.'
Operator: 'What is your location sir?'
Paddy: 'Outside number 28, Eucalyptus Street ...'
Operator: 'How do you spell that sir"..???
Silence.... (heavy breathing) and after a minute.
Operator: 'Are you there sir"..??
More heavy breathing and another minute later.
Operator: 'Sir, can you hear me'..??
This goes on for another few minutes until....
Operator: 'Sir, please answer me. Can you still hear me".??
Paddy: 'Yes, sorry bout dat... I couldn't spell Eucalyptus, so I just dragged him round to number 3, Oak Street.............................
redface:
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: apc2010 on May 02, 2019, 10:13:34 AM
I was arrested for annoying my neighbours by playing non-stop Engelbert Humperdinck songs............
BUT............
Police released me, let me go.............. Thumbs:
redface: redface: redface:
Post by: Barman on May 02, 2019, 10:43:49 AM
Might be too bad even for here............ rubschin:
I was arrested for annoying my neighbours by playing non-stop Engelbert Humperdinck songs............
BUT............
Police released me, let me go.............. Thumbs:
redface: redface: redface:
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Steve on May 02, 2019, 10:48:37 AM
lol: lol:Might be too bad even for here............ rubschin:
I was arrested for annoying my neighbours by playing non-stop Engelbert Humperdinck songs............
BUT............
Police released me, let me go.............. Thumbs:
redface: redface: redface:
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Just One More on May 02, 2019, 08:56:27 PM
His statue in London is 15 feet tall.
That's Horatio of 3:1
Post by: Steve on May 02, 2019, 08:58:10 PM
When Lord Nelson died he was 5 foot tall.happy001
His statue in London is 15 feet tall.
That's Horatio of 3:1
Post by: apc2010 on May 02, 2019, 10:30:17 PM
When Lord Nelson died he was 5 foot tall.
His statue in London is 15 feet tall.
That's Horatio of 3:1
lol: lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Darwins Selection on May 02, 2019, 11:55:30 PM
lol: lol: lol: lol: lol:When Lord Nelson died he was 5 foot tall.
His statue in London is 15 feet tall.
That's Horatio of 3:1
lol: lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Barman on May 03, 2019, 04:44:57 AM
lol: lol: lol: lol: lol: lol:lol: lol: lol: lol: lol:When Lord Nelson died he was 5 foot tall.
His statue in London is 15 feet tall.
That's Horatio of 3:1
lol: lol: lol: lol:
Post by: apc2010 on May 03, 2019, 12:42:34 PM
Thumbs:
I have no idea where Sod Hall is,....... I'm just off to Google it now!............... rubschin:
Post by: Barman on May 03, 2019, 12:58:09 PM
Just found out my uncle has left me a stately home in his will........................
Thumbs:
I have no idea where Sod Hall is,....... I'm just off to Google it now!............... rubschin:
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Steve on May 03, 2019, 01:19:40 PM
lol: lol: lol: lol:Just found out my uncle has left me a stately home in his will........................
Thumbs:
I have no idea where Sod Hall is,....... I'm just off to Google it now!............... rubschin:
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Darwins Selection on May 03, 2019, 04:34:30 PM
lol: lol: lol: lol: lol:lol: lol: lol: lol:Just found out my uncle has left me a stately home in his will........................
Thumbs:
I have no idea where Sod Hall is,....... I'm just off to Google it now!............... rubschin:
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: apc2010 on May 03, 2019, 06:40:50 PM
It was a rubbish tip................... noooo:
Post by: Barman on May 03, 2019, 08:05:40 PM
I was in the betting shop today, my mate told me to put all my money on a horse called "landfill"............ Thumbs:
It was a rubbish tip................... noooo:
tunble:
Post by: Steve on May 03, 2019, 08:50:43 PM
tunble: tunble:I was in the betting shop today, my mate told me to put all my money on a horse called "landfill"............ Thumbs:
It was a rubbish tip................... noooo:
tunble:
Post by: apc2010 on May 04, 2019, 02:49:38 PM
"The essay you wrote about your dog is word for word the same as your brothers ?"...............
Paddy replies " Of course it is ...it's the same f8cking Dog !!!!!!!!"..........
Post by: Barman on May 04, 2019, 03:14:38 PM
Teacher says to Paddy.....
"The essay you wrote about your dog is word for word the same as your brothers ?"...............
Paddy replies " Of course it is ...it's the same f8cking Dog !!!!!!!!"..........
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Steve on May 04, 2019, 04:07:57 PM
lol: lol: lol: lol:Teacher says to Paddy.....
"The essay you wrote about your dog is word for word the same as your brothers ?"...............
Paddy replies " Of course it is ...it's the same f8cking Dog !!!!!!!!"..........
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Just One More on May 04, 2019, 05:02:56 PM
Post by: Steve on May 04, 2019, 05:08:55 PM
My wife is leaving me because she thinks I’m too old fashioned. I’ll wager a shilling that she is courting one of those coloured chaps.lol:
Post by: apc2010 on May 04, 2019, 05:09:44 PM
My wife is leaving me because she thinks I’m too old fashioned. I’ll wager a shilling that she is courting one of those coloured chaps.
;D ;D
Post by: Barman on May 04, 2019, 07:42:40 PM
lol: lol: lol:My wife is leaving me because she thinks I’m too old fashioned. I’ll wager a shilling that she is courting one of those coloured chaps.
;D ;D
Post by: apc2010 on May 05, 2019, 04:20:19 PM
IM LIVID.................. evil:
Post by: Steve on May 05, 2019, 04:24:52 PM
Post by: Barman on May 05, 2019, 05:20:27 PM
tunble:
tunble: tunble:
Post by: Grumpmeister on May 05, 2019, 06:09:33 PM
tunble:
tunble: tunble:
tunble: tunble: tunble:
Impressive Apey, not even Baldymort would try a joke that bad.. noooo:
Post by: apc2010 on May 05, 2019, 06:16:46 PM
A male patient is lying in bed in the hospital, wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose. A young student nurse appears and gives him a partial sponge bath.
"Nurse,"' he mumbles from behind the mask, "are my testicles black?"
Embarrassed, the young nurse replies, "I don't know, Sir. I'm only here to wash your upper body and feet."...
He struggles to ask again, "Nurse, please check for me. Are my testicles black?"
Concerned that he might elevate his blood pressure and heart rate from worrying about his testicles, she overcomes her embarrassment and pulls back the covers.
She raises his gown, holds his manhood in one hand and his testicles in the other.
She looks very closely and says, "There's nothing wrong with them, Sir. They look fine."
The man slowly pulls off his oxygen mask, smiles at her, and says very slowly, "Thank you very much. That was wonderful. Now listen very, very closely:
"Are - my - test - results - back?"..........
Post by: Barman on May 05, 2019, 06:22:00 PM
tunble:
tunble: tunble:
tunble: tunble: tunble:
Impressive Apey, not even Baldymort would try a joke that bad.. noooo:
angel1
Post by: Barman on May 05, 2019, 06:23:30 PM
censored:
A male patient is lying in bed in the hospital, wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose. A young student nurse appears and gives him a partial sponge bath.
"Nurse,"' he mumbles from behind the mask, "are my testicles black?"
Embarrassed, the young nurse replies, "I don't know, Sir. I'm only here to wash your upper body and feet."...
He struggles to ask again, "Nurse, please check for me. Are my testicles black?"
Concerned that he might elevate his blood pressure and heart rate from worrying about his testicles, she overcomes her embarrassment and pulls back the covers.
She raises his gown, holds his manhood in one hand and his testicles in the other.
She looks very closely and says, "There's nothing wrong with them, Sir. They look fine."
The man slowly pulls off his oxygen mask, smiles at her, and says very slowly, "Thank you very much. That was wonderful. Now listen very, very closely:
"Are - my - test - results - back?"..........
Two in a row... tunble:
You need to lay off the Xmas Crackers... noooo:
Post by: Grumpmeister on May 05, 2019, 06:28:18 PM
tunble:
tunble: tunble:
tunble: tunble: tunble:
Impressive Apey, not even Baldymort would try a joke that bad.. noooo:
angel1
It's a close run thing though... whistle:
Post by: Steve on May 05, 2019, 06:52:47 PM
I think Apey writes themcensored:
A male patient is lying in bed in the hospital, wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose. A young student nurse appears and gives him a partial sponge bath.
"Nurse,"' he mumbles from behind the mask, "are my testicles black?"
Embarrassed, the young nurse replies, "I don't know, Sir. I'm only here to wash your upper body and feet."...
He struggles to ask again, "Nurse, please check for me. Are my testicles black?"
Concerned that he might elevate his blood pressure and heart rate from worrying about his testicles, she overcomes her embarrassment and pulls back the covers.
She raises his gown, holds his manhood in one hand and his testicles in the other.
She looks very closely and says, "There's nothing wrong with them, Sir. They look fine."
The man slowly pulls off his oxygen mask, smiles at her, and says very slowly, "Thank you very much. That was wonderful. Now listen very, very closely:
"Are - my - test - results - back?"..........
Two in a row... tunble:
You need to lay off the Xmas Crackers... noooo:
Post by: Darwins Selection on May 05, 2019, 10:18:23 PM
Hide his crayons noooo:I think Apey writes themcensored:
A male patient is lying in bed in the hospital, wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose. A young student nurse appears and gives him a partial sponge bath.
"Nurse,"' he mumbles from behind the mask, "are my testicles black?"
Embarrassed, the young nurse replies, "I don't know, Sir. I'm only here to wash your upper body and feet."...
He struggles to ask again, "Nurse, please check for me. Are my testicles black?"
Concerned that he might elevate his blood pressure and heart rate from worrying about his testicles, she overcomes her embarrassment and pulls back the covers.
She raises his gown, holds his manhood in one hand and his testicles in the other.
She looks very closely and says, "There's nothing wrong with them, Sir. They look fine."
The man slowly pulls off his oxygen mask, smiles at her, and says very slowly, "Thank you very much. That was wonderful. Now listen very, very closely:
"Are - my - test - results - back?"..........
Two in a row... tunble:
You need to lay off the Xmas Crackers... noooo:
Post by: Grumpmeister on May 05, 2019, 10:30:17 PM
Hide his crayons noooo:I think Apey writes themcensored:
A male patient is lying in bed in the hospital, wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose. A young student nurse appears and gives him a partial sponge bath.
"Nurse,"' he mumbles from behind the mask, "are my testicles black?"
Embarrassed, the young nurse replies, "I don't know, Sir. I'm only here to wash your upper body and feet."...
He struggles to ask again, "Nurse, please check for me. Are my testicles black?"
Concerned that he might elevate his blood pressure and heart rate from worrying about his testicles, she overcomes her embarrassment and pulls back the covers.
She raises his gown, holds his manhood in one hand and his testicles in the other.
She looks very closely and says, "There's nothing wrong with them, Sir. They look fine."
The man slowly pulls off his oxygen mask, smiles at her, and says very slowly, "Thank you very much. That was wonderful. Now listen very, very closely:
"Are - my - test - results - back?"..........
Two in a row... tunble:
You need to lay off the Xmas Crackers... noooo:
We do that anyway, it's the only way to stop him eating them... noooo:
Post by: apc2010 on May 08, 2019, 11:57:53 PM
Post by: Barman on May 09, 2019, 03:53:23 AM
When I said I was going to open a botox clinic ...........there was a lot of raised eyebrows............ rubschin:
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Steve on May 09, 2019, 09:58:51 AM
lol: lol: lol: lol:When I said I was going to open a botox clinic ...........there was a lot of raised eyebrows............ rubschin:
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: apc2010 on May 09, 2019, 12:49:14 PM
A red Indian introduced me to his wife...
" This is four horses.."
I said, wow that's a beautiful name, what does it mean...?
He said "Fucking nag,nag,nag,nag!"...............
Post by: Steve on May 09, 2019, 01:10:13 PM
Copyright Apey ... evil:.....noooo: https://ifunny.co/picture/a-red-indian-introduced-me-to-his-wife-this-is-elyM4Zn45
Post by: Steve on May 09, 2019, 01:10:50 PM
Copyright Apey ... evil:lol: lol: lol:
A red Indian introduced me to his wife...
" This is four horses.."
I said, wow that's a beautiful name, what does it mean...?
He said "Fucking nag,nag,nag,nag!"...............
Post by: Darwins Selection on May 09, 2019, 02:42:37 PM
lol: lol: lol: lol: lol:lol: lol: lol: lol:When I said I was going to open a botox clinic ...........there was a lot of raised eyebrows............ rubschin:
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Darwins Selection on May 09, 2019, 02:52:08 PM
The red-indian Chief leaves the wigwam one evening after the birth of his new daughter and speaks to his eldest son:
"The new child of the tribe shall be named Prarie Moon"
The boy replies:-"Father how do you choose the name of a newborn child?"
His Father tells him;-"I name the child after the first wonder of nature I see when I leave the birthing wigwam, why do you ask Shagging Dogs?"
Post by: Barman on May 09, 2019, 03:12:29 PM
The red-indian Chief leaves the wigwam one evening after the birth of his new daughter and speaks to his eldest son:
"The new child of the tribe shall be named Prarie Moon"
The boy replies:-"Father how do you choose the name of a newborn child?"
His Father tells him;-"I name the child after the first wonder of nature I see when I leave the birthing wigwam, why do you ask Shagging Dogs?"
(C) Dave Allen - 'bout 1990...? ::)
Post by: Steve on May 09, 2019, 04:12:56 PM
Still lol: lol: lol:
The red-indian Chief leaves the wigwam one evening after the birth of his new daughter and speaks to his eldest son:
"The new child of the tribe shall be named Prarie Moon"
The boy replies:-"Father how do you choose the name of a newborn child?"
His Father tells him;-"I name the child after the first wonder of nature I see when I leave the birthing wigwam, why do you ask Shagging Dogs?"
(C) Dave Allen - 'bout 1990...? ::)
But very Affs though https://www.virtual-pub.com/SMF/index.php?topic=1979.msg36523#msg36523 (https://www.virtual-pub.com/SMF/index.php?topic=1979.msg36523#msg36523)
Post by: Barman on May 09, 2019, 04:17:49 PM
Still lol: lol: lol:
The red-indian Chief leaves the wigwam one evening after the birth of his new daughter and speaks to his eldest son:
"The new child of the tribe shall be named Prarie Moon"
The boy replies:-"Father how do you choose the name of a newborn child?"
His Father tells him;-"I name the child after the first wonder of nature I see when I leave the birthing wigwam, why do you ask Shagging Dogs?"
(C) Dave Allen - 'bout 1990...? ::)
But very Affs though https://www.virtual-pub.com/SMF/index.php?topic=1979.msg36523#msg36523 (https://www.virtual-pub.com/SMF/index.php?topic=1979.msg36523#msg36523)
:thumbsup:
Post by: Darwins Selection on May 09, 2019, 04:33:05 PM
redface: 2007! I remember very little that far backStill lol: lol: lol:
The red-indian Chief leaves the wigwam one evening after the birth of his new daughter and speaks to his eldest son:
"The new child of the tribe shall be named Prarie Moon"
The boy replies:-"Father how do you choose the name of a newborn child?"
His Father tells him;-"I name the child after the first wonder of nature I see when I leave the birthing wigwam, why do you ask Shagging Dogs?"
(C) Dave Allen - 'bout 1990...? ::)
But very Affs though https://www.virtual-pub.com/SMF/index.php?topic=1979.msg36523#msg36523 (https://www.virtual-pub.com/SMF/index.php?topic=1979.msg36523#msg36523)
Post by: Steve on May 09, 2019, 05:54:05 PM
I try to deny everything before thenredface: 2007! I remember very little that far backStill lol: lol: lol:
The red-indian Chief leaves the wigwam one evening after the birth of his new daughter and speaks to his eldest son:
"The new child of the tribe shall be named Prarie Moon"
The boy replies:-"Father how do you choose the name of a newborn child?"
His Father tells him;-"I name the child after the first wonder of nature I see when I leave the birthing wigwam, why do you ask Shagging Dogs?"
(C) Dave Allen - 'bout 1990...? ::)
But very Affs though https://www.virtual-pub.com/SMF/index.php?topic=1979.msg36523#msg36523 (https://www.virtual-pub.com/SMF/index.php?topic=1979.msg36523#msg36523)
Post by: Barman on May 09, 2019, 08:13:01 PM
redface: 2007! I remember very little that far backStill lol: lol: lol:
The red-indian Chief leaves the wigwam one evening after the birth of his new daughter and speaks to his eldest son:
"The new child of the tribe shall be named Prarie Moon"
The boy replies:-"Father how do you choose the name of a newborn child?"
His Father tells him;-"I name the child after the first wonder of nature I see when I leave the birthing wigwam, why do you ask Shagging Dogs?"
(C) Dave Allen - 'bout 1990...? ::)
But very Affs though https://www.virtual-pub.com/SMF/index.php?topic=1979.msg36523#msg36523 (https://www.virtual-pub.com/SMF/index.php?topic=1979.msg36523#msg36523)
Yarp, Nearly ten past eight... it seems a lifetime ago to me too Mr. Darwin Sir.... noooo:
Post by: Steve on May 09, 2019, 08:37:20 PM
:thumbsup:
Post by: Darwins Selection on May 09, 2019, 09:36:21 PM
drumroll:redface: 2007! I remember very little that far backStill lol: lol: lol:
The red-indian Chief leaves the wigwam one evening after the birth of his new daughter and speaks to his eldest son:
"The new child of the tribe shall be named Prarie Moon"
The boy replies:-"Father how do you choose the name of a newborn child?"
His Father tells him;-"I name the child after the first wonder of nature I see when I leave the birthing wigwam, why do you ask Shagging Dogs?"
(C) Dave Allen - 'bout 1990...? ::)
But very Affs though https://www.virtual-pub.com/SMF/index.php?topic=1979.msg36523#msg36523 (https://www.virtual-pub.com/SMF/index.php?topic=1979.msg36523#msg36523)
Yarp, Nearly ten past eight... it seems a lifetime ago to me too Mr. Darwin Sir.... noooo:
Post by: Just One More on May 09, 2019, 10:16:23 PM
Something bad is going to happen, I can feel it....
Post by: Steve on May 09, 2019, 10:56:03 PM
I’m reading a horror story in Braillelol: lol: lol:
Something bad is going to happen, I can feel it....
Post by: apc2010 on May 09, 2019, 11:27:31 PM
I’m reading a horror story in Braille
Something bad is going to happen, I can feel it....
;D ;D ;D
Post by: Barman on May 10, 2019, 03:54:40 AM
lol: lol: lol: lol:I’m reading a horror story in Braille
Something bad is going to happen, I can feel it....
;D ;D ;D
Post by: Darwins Selection on May 10, 2019, 06:57:11 AM
lol: lol: lol: lol: lol:lol: lol: lol: lol:I’m reading a horror story in Braille
Something bad is going to happen, I can feel it....
;D ;D ;D
Post by: Just One More on May 10, 2019, 08:26:02 PM
All that money with nothing to chauffeur it....
Post by: Barman on May 10, 2019, 08:35:44 PM
I've just paid £500 to hire a Limousine for the weekend, but have now discovered that the price doesn't include a driver.....
All that money with nothing to chauffeur it....
happy001
Post by: Steve on May 10, 2019, 09:02:31 PM
happy001 happy001I've just paid £500 to hire a Limousine for the weekend, but have now discovered that the price doesn't include a driver.....
All that money with nothing to chauffeur it....
happy001
Post by: Darwins Selection on May 10, 2019, 10:34:33 PM
happy001 happy001 happy001happy001 happy001I've just paid £500 to hire a Limousine for the weekend, but have now discovered that the price doesn't include a driver.....
All that money with nothing to chauffeur it....
happy001
Post by: Just One More on May 12, 2019, 08:05:37 AM
"Do not touch" must be the scariest thing to read in Braille! rubschin:
Post by: Barman on May 12, 2019, 09:01:43 AM
Thought of the day
"Do not touch" must be the scariest thing to read in Braille! rubschin:
happy001
Post by: Steve on May 12, 2019, 09:15:38 AM
happy001 happy001Thought of the day
"Do not touch" must be the scariest thing to read in Braille! rubschin:
happy001
Post by: Darwins Selection on May 12, 2019, 11:01:47 AM
happy001 happy001 happy001happy001 happy001Thought of the day
"Do not touch" must be the scariest thing to read in Braille! rubschin:
happy001
Post by: apc2010 on May 15, 2019, 12:22:29 PM
He said, "Gout"....!!!
I said, "fuck off, I've only just walked in".....!!!
Post by: Steve on May 15, 2019, 12:30:18 PM
I went to the doctors the today, complaining about my sore feet.....happy001
He said, "Gout"....!!!
I said, "fuck off, I've only just walked in".....!!!
Post by: Barman on May 15, 2019, 03:31:01 PM
I went to the doctors the today, complaining about my sore feet.....happy001
He said, "Gout"....!!!
I said, "fuck off, I've only just walked in".....!!!
happy001 happy001
Post by: Just One More on May 18, 2019, 06:28:14 AM
"Great", I said.
He's back now, and charged me £110 for 200 Benson and Hedges
"Christ, where the hell did you go?"
"Butlins Bognor Regis"
Post by: Barman on May 18, 2019, 06:51:18 AM
My mate went on holiday and asked if I wanted any fags bringing back?
"Great", I said.
He's back now, and charged me £110 for 200 Benson and Hedges
"Christ, where the hell did you go?"
"Butlins Bognor Regis"
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Steve on May 18, 2019, 10:42:52 AM
lol: lol: lol: lol:My mate went on holiday and asked if I wanted any fags bringing back?
"Great", I said.
He's back now, and charged me £110 for 200 Benson and Hedges
"Christ, where the hell did you go?"
"Butlins Bognor Regis"
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: apc2010 on May 18, 2019, 11:44:23 AM
My mate went on holiday and asked if I wanted any fags bringing back?
"Great", I said.
He's back now, and charged me £110 for 200 Benson and Hedges
"Christ, where the hell did you go?"
"Butlins Bognor Regis"
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Just One More on May 19, 2019, 09:38:09 PM
(https://i.postimg.cc/CBQcYJfT/police.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/CBQcYJfT)
Post by: Barman on May 20, 2019, 03:32:09 AM
(https://i.postimg.cc/CBQcYJfT/police.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/CBQcYJfT)
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Steve on May 20, 2019, 07:39:36 AM
lol: lol: lol: lol:
(https://i.postimg.cc/CBQcYJfT/police.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/CBQcYJfT)
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Darwins Selection on May 20, 2019, 08:01:46 AM
lol: lol: lol: lol: lol:lol: lol: lol: lol:
(https://i.postimg.cc/CBQcYJfT/police.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/CBQcYJfT)
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Just One More on May 21, 2019, 08:28:59 PM
Post by: Barman on May 22, 2019, 03:37:18 AM
Throwing milk at politicians, who knows where it will lead. Next it will be eggs then maybe a bag of flour and before we know it someone has been battered.
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Steve on May 22, 2019, 07:33:42 AM
lol: lol: lol: lol:Throwing milk at politicians, who knows where it will lead. Next it will be eggs then maybe a bag of flour and before we know it someone has been battered.
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Darwins Selection on May 22, 2019, 11:24:24 AM
lol: lol: lol: lol: lol:lol: lol: lol: lol:Throwing milk at politicians, who knows where it will lead. Next it will be eggs then maybe a bag of flour and before we know it someone has been battered.
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Just One More on May 27, 2019, 11:16:30 PM
If anyone disagrees I will come down on them like a ton of bics.
Post by: Barman on May 28, 2019, 04:28:21 AM
The pen is mightier than the sword.
If anyone disagrees I will come down on them like a ton of bics.
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Steve on May 28, 2019, 08:03:35 AM
lol: lol: lol: lol:The pen is mightier than the sword.
If anyone disagrees I will come down on them like a ton of bics.
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Darwins Selection on May 29, 2019, 02:11:21 PM
lol: lol: lol: lol: lol:lol: lol: lol: lol:The pen is mightier than the sword.
If anyone disagrees I will come down on them like a ton of bics.
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: apc2010 on June 02, 2019, 12:46:51 AM
"Can anyone tell me the name of Robin Hood's Girlfriend "
Little Paddy " Yes Miss ..it's Trudy Glen"
No Paddy , it's Maid Marion...
" But Miss , what about the song ??"
"Robin Hood..Robin Hood riding Trudy Glen "..........
redface: redface:
Post by: Barman on June 02, 2019, 03:59:54 AM
A teacher asks her class..
"Can anyone tell me the name of Robin Hood's Girlfriend "
Little Paddy " Yes Miss ..it's Trudy Glen"
No Paddy , it's Maid Marion...
" But Miss , what about the song ??"
"Robin Hood..Robin Hood riding Trudy Glen "..........
redface: redface:
lol: lol: lol: noooo:
Post by: Steve on June 02, 2019, 08:30:07 AM
lol: lol: lol: lol:A teacher asks her class..
"Can anyone tell me the name of Robin Hood's Girlfriend "
Little Paddy " Yes Miss ..it's Trudy Glen"
No Paddy , it's Maid Marion...
" But Miss , what about the song ??"
"Robin Hood..Robin Hood riding Trudy Glen "..........
redface: redface:
lol: lol: lol: noooo:
Post by: Darwins Selection on June 02, 2019, 10:14:32 AM
lol: lol: lol: lol: lol:lol: lol: lol: lol:A teacher asks her class..
"Can anyone tell me the name of Robin Hood's Girlfriend "
Little Paddy " Yes Miss ..it's Trudy Glen"
No Paddy , it's Maid Marion...
" But Miss , what about the song ??"
"Robin Hood..Robin Hood riding Trudy Glen "..........
redface: redface:
lol: lol: lol: noooo:
Post by: apc2010 on June 03, 2019, 10:46:59 PM
That would explain why Doctor's surgeries make you wait 3 f876ing weeks for an appointment........ noooo:
Post by: Steve on June 03, 2019, 11:06:15 PM
They say time is a great healer...............lol: lol: lol:
That would explain why Doctor's surgeries make you wait 3 f876ing weeks for an appointment........ noooo:
Post by: Barman on June 04, 2019, 02:55:51 AM
lol: lol: lol: lol:They say time is a great healer...............lol: lol: lol:
That would explain why Doctor's surgeries make you wait 3 f876ing weeks for an appointment........ noooo:
Post by: Just One More on June 07, 2019, 08:23:34 PM
All it ever does is hold me back
Post by: apc2010 on June 07, 2019, 09:58:04 PM
I'm gonna have me spine removed
All it ever does is hold me back
;D ;D
Post by: Barman on June 08, 2019, 03:17:19 AM
;D ;D ;DI'm gonna have me spine removed
All it ever does is hold me back
;D ;D
Post by: Just One More on June 08, 2019, 07:54:02 AM
Post by: Barman on June 08, 2019, 08:39:28 AM
I'm sure I mentioned it before, it was about a weak back drumroll:
happy001
Post by: Steve on June 08, 2019, 09:18:25 AM
lol: lol: lol:I'm sure I mentioned it before, it was about a weak back drumroll:
happy001
Post by: apc2010 on June 08, 2019, 04:25:12 PM
lol: lol: lol:I'm sure I mentioned it before, it was about a weak back drumroll:
happy001
;D ;D ;D ;D
Post by: Darwins Selection on June 09, 2019, 09:14:14 AM
lol: lol: lol: lol: lol:lol: lol: lol:I'm sure I mentioned it before, it was about a weak back drumroll:
happy001
;D ;D ;D ;D
Post by: apc2010 on June 09, 2019, 10:14:21 PM
Anyway, I go inside, to pay for my petrol and as the cashier gives me my change, I hear somebody screaming. I look out the window and see the woman's arm is on fire. She was swinging her arm and running around like a mad woman. I quickly ran outside; the police officer had the lady on the ground, and was putting the fire out with a drink he had.........
Then he proceeded to handcuffed her and put her in the back of his car. I thought to myself, "What kind of person smokes while puttin petrol in ther car?! Did she really think nothing was going to happen?!?!............. noooo:
And being the inquisitive person I am(nosey bastard..), I asked the officer what he was charging her with? He looked me dead in the face, and said, "WAVING A FIREARM!!!!.....................
redface: redface: whistle:
Post by: Barman on June 10, 2019, 02:46:49 AM
You will not believe what just happened. I went into the petrol station and as I was walking in, I noticed a Police Officer parked on the side of the building. He was watching this woman who was smoking a cigarette while putting her petrol in. Of course I saw her, and thought, you idiot!.........(see post only on Cyprus )....
Anyway, I go inside, to pay for my petrol and as the cashier gives me my change, I hear somebody screaming. I look out the window and see the woman's arm is on fire. She was swinging her arm and running around like a mad woman. I quickly ran outside; the police officer had the lady on the ground, and was putting the fire out with a drink he had.........
Then he proceeded to handcuffed her and put her in the back of his car. I thought to myself, "What kind of person smokes while puttin petrol in ther car?! Did she really think nothing was going to happen?!?!............. noooo:
And being the inquisitive person I am(nosey bastard..), I asked the officer what he was charging her with? He looked me dead in the face, and said, "WAVING A FIREARM!!!!.....................
redface: redface: whistle:
tunble:
Post by: Grumpmeister on June 10, 2019, 05:39:27 AM
You will not believe what just happened. I went into the petrol station and as I was walking in, I noticed a Police Officer parked on the side of the building. He was watching this woman who was smoking a cigarette while putting her petrol in. Of course I saw her, and thought, you idiot!.........(see post only on Cyprus )....
Anyway, I go inside, to pay for my petrol and as the cashier gives me my change, I hear somebody screaming. I look out the window and see the woman's arm is on fire. She was swinging her arm and running around like a mad woman. I quickly ran outside; the police officer had the lady on the ground, and was putting the fire out with a drink he had.........
Then he proceeded to handcuffed her and put her in the back of his car. I thought to myself, "What kind of person smokes while puttin petrol in ther car?! Did she really think nothing was going to happen?!?!............. noooo:
And being the inquisitive person I am(nosey bastard..), I asked the officer what he was charging her with? He looked me dead in the face, and said, "WAVING A FIREARM!!!!.....................
redface: redface: whistle:
tunble:
I hate to say it but that's on a par with your usual fare BM... whistle:
Post by: Barman on June 10, 2019, 05:45:53 AM
You will not believe what just happened. I went into the petrol station and as I was walking in, I noticed a Police Officer parked on the side of the building. He was watching this woman who was smoking a cigarette while putting her petrol in. Of course I saw her, and thought, you idiot!.........(see post only on Cyprus )....
Anyway, I go inside, to pay for my petrol and as the cashier gives me my change, I hear somebody screaming. I look out the window and see the woman's arm is on fire. She was swinging her arm and running around like a mad woman. I quickly ran outside; the police officer had the lady on the ground, and was putting the fire out with a drink he had.........
Then he proceeded to handcuffed her and put her in the back of his car. I thought to myself, "What kind of person smokes while puttin petrol in ther car?! Did she really think nothing was going to happen?!?!............. noooo:
And being the inquisitive person I am(nosey bastard..), I asked the officer what he was charging her with? He looked me dead in the face, and said, "WAVING A FIREARM!!!!.....................
redface: redface: whistle:
tunble:
I hate to say it but that's on a par with your usual fare BM... whistle:
evil: cry:
Post by: Just One More on June 15, 2019, 10:45:35 AM
Post by: Steve on June 15, 2019, 10:46:02 AM
What a strange morning. First I find a hat with a load of money, then I got chased down the street by some angry bloke with a guitarlol: lol: lol:
Post by: Barman on June 15, 2019, 10:54:16 AM
lol: lol: lol:What a strange morning. First I find a hat with a load of money, then I got chased down the street by some angry bloke with a guitarlol: lol: lol:
Post by: Darwins Selection on June 15, 2019, 04:18:09 PM
lol: lol: lol: lol:lol: lol: lol:What a strange morning. First I find a hat with a load of money, then I got chased down the street by some angry bloke with a guitarlol: lol: lol:
Post by: Nick on June 15, 2019, 04:20:51 PM
Post by: Darwins Selection on June 15, 2019, 04:25:04 PM
I imagine it is a common occurence in Newbury whistle:No money in hats here noooo:
Post by: Nick on June 15, 2019, 04:31:47 PM
Post by: Barman on June 15, 2019, 07:05:18 PM
Of course. The buskers there probably take Visa or gold sovereigns.
BitCoin prolly... noooo:
Post by: apc2010 on June 16, 2019, 02:42:02 PM
One day Arthur's mother came into school to check on how he was doing. The teacher told his mother honestly, that her son is simply a disaster, getting very low marks and even she had never seen such a dumb boy in her entire teaching career!!!!
The mother was shocked at the feedback and withdrew her son from the school & even moved to another town!!!!!
25 years later, the teacher was diagnosed with an incurable cardio disease! All the doctors strongly advised her to have an open heart operation, which only one surgeon could perform...... Left with no other options, the teacher decided to have the operation, which was successful......
When she opened her eyes after the surgery she saw a handsome doctor smiling down at her! She wanted to thank him, but could not talk. Her face started to turn blue, she raised her hand, trying to tell him something but eventually died!............
The doctor was shocked and was trying to work out what went wrong,........................................................................ when he turned around he saw Arthur, working as a cleaner in the clinic, who had unplugged the oxygen equipment to connect his Hoover !!!!!
Don't tell me you thought that Arthur became a' doctor........... whistle:
Post by: Barman on June 16, 2019, 02:52:27 PM
A small boy named Arthur lived in the local village . None of his classmates liked him because of his stupidity, especially his teacher, who was always yelling at him "You are driving me crazy Arthur!!!!!"
One day Arthur's mother came into school to check on how he was doing. The teacher told his mother honestly, that her son is simply a disaster, getting very low marks and even she had never seen such a dumb boy in her entire teaching career!!!!
The mother was shocked at the feedback and withdrew her son from the school & even moved to another town!!!!!
25 years later, the teacher was diagnosed with an incurable cardio disease! All the doctors strongly advised her to have an open heart operation, which only one surgeon could perform...... Left with no other options, the teacher decided to have the operation, which was successful......
When she opened her eyes after the surgery she saw a handsome doctor smiling down at her! She wanted to thank him, but could not talk. Her face started to turn blue, she raised her hand, trying to tell him something but eventually died!............
The doctor was shocked and was trying to work out what went wrong,........................................................................ when he turned around he saw Arthur, working as a cleaner in the clinic, who had unplugged the oxygen equipment to connect his Hoover !!!!!
Don't tell me you thought that Arthur became a' doctor........... whistle:
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Steve on June 16, 2019, 03:18:01 PM
lol: lol: lol: lol:A small boy named Arthur lived in the local village . None of his classmates liked him because of his stupidity, especially his teacher, who was always yelling at him "You are driving me crazy Arthur!!!!!"
One day Arthur's mother came into school to check on how he was doing. The teacher told his mother honestly, that her son is simply a disaster, getting very low marks and even she had never seen such a dumb boy in her entire teaching career!!!!
The mother was shocked at the feedback and withdrew her son from the school & even moved to another town!!!!!
25 years later, the teacher was diagnosed with an incurable cardio disease! All the doctors strongly advised her to have an open heart operation, which only one surgeon could perform...... Left with no other options, the teacher decided to have the operation, which was successful......
When she opened her eyes after the surgery she saw a handsome doctor smiling down at her! She wanted to thank him, but could not talk. Her face started to turn blue, she raised her hand, trying to tell him something but eventually died!............
The doctor was shocked and was trying to work out what went wrong,........................................................................ when he turned around he saw Arthur, working as a cleaner in the clinic, who had unplugged the oxygen equipment to connect his Hoover !!!!!
Don't tell me you thought that Arthur became a' doctor........... whistle:
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Darwins Selection on June 18, 2019, 09:08:19 AM
lol: lol: lol: lol: lol:lol: lol: lol: lol:A small boy named Arthur lived in the local village . None of his classmates liked him because of his stupidity, especially his teacher, who was always yelling at him "You are driving me crazy Arthur!!!!!"
One day Arthur's mother came into school to check on how he was doing. The teacher told his mother honestly, that her son is simply a disaster, getting very low marks and even she had never seen such a dumb boy in her entire teaching career!!!!
The mother was shocked at the feedback and withdrew her son from the school & even moved to another town!!!!!
25 years later, the teacher was diagnosed with an incurable cardio disease! All the doctors strongly advised her to have an open heart operation, which only one surgeon could perform...... Left with no other options, the teacher decided to have the operation, which was successful......
When she opened her eyes after the surgery she saw a handsome doctor smiling down at her! She wanted to thank him, but could not talk. Her face started to turn blue, she raised her hand, trying to tell him something but eventually died!............
The doctor was shocked and was trying to work out what went wrong,........................................................................ when he turned around he saw Arthur, working as a cleaner in the clinic, who had unplugged the oxygen equipment to connect his Hoover !!!!!
Don't tell me you thought that Arthur became a' doctor........... whistle:
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: apc2010 on June 18, 2019, 12:07:02 PM
"some bastard just stole your car !! "
Mick.." Did you see who did it ??"..
Paddy .." No but I got the registration number ... Thumbs: ".........
redface: redface:
Post by: Barman on June 18, 2019, 12:10:18 PM
Paddy runs in to the pub and shouts to Mick....
"some bastard just stole your car !! "
Mick.." Did you see who did it ??"..
Paddy .." No but I got the registration number ... Thumbs: ".........
redface: redface:
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Steve on June 18, 2019, 12:55:28 PM
lol: lol: lol: lol:Paddy runs in to the pub and shouts to Mick....
"some bastard just stole your car !! "
Mick.." Did you see who did it ??"..
Paddy .." No but I got the registration number ... Thumbs: ".........
redface: redface:
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Darwins Selection on June 18, 2019, 11:09:26 PM
lol: lol: lol: lol: lol:lol: lol: lol: lol:Paddy runs in to the pub and shouts to Mick....
"some bastard just stole your car !! "
Mick.." Did you see who did it ??"..
Paddy .." No but I got the registration number ... Thumbs: ".........
redface: redface:
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: apc2010 on June 27, 2019, 02:58:48 PM
With all confidence, the boy answered immediately saying sixteen................
His cousin was amazed at how quick he got the answer and asked him how he arrived at it................
The sharp boy then replied, saying:.....................
"Easy. All you have to do is add it up like the Bishop said: 4 better, 4 worse, 4 richer, 4 poorer.".......................
redface: redface:
Post by: Barman on June 27, 2019, 03:02:17 PM
"How many women can a man marry?"...............
With all confidence, the boy answered immediately saying sixteen................
His cousin was amazed at how quick he got the answer and asked him how he arrived at it................
The sharp boy then replied, saying:.....................
"Easy. All you have to do is add it up like the Bishop said: 4 better, 4 worse, 4 richer, 4 poorer.".......................
redface: redface:
Opening the Christmas crackers early...? noooo:
Post by: apc2010 on June 27, 2019, 03:09:44 PM
"How many women can a man marry?"...............
With all confidence, the boy answered immediately saying sixteen................
His cousin was amazed at how quick he got the answer and asked him how he arrived at it................
The sharp boy then replied, saying:.....................
"Easy. All you have to do is add it up like the Bishop said: 4 better, 4 worse, 4 richer, 4 poorer.".......................
redface: redface:
Opening the Christmas crackers early...? noooo:
Anything with the word "wedding" in ..is on my newsfeed ........ redface:
Post by: Barman on June 27, 2019, 03:22:21 PM
"How many women can a man marry?"...............
With all confidence, the boy answered immediately saying sixteen................
His cousin was amazed at how quick he got the answer and asked him how he arrived at it................
The sharp boy then replied, saying:.....................
"Easy. All you have to do is add it up like the Bishop said: 4 better, 4 worse, 4 richer, 4 poorer.".......................
redface: redface:
Opening the Christmas crackers early...? noooo:
Anything with the word "wedding" in ..is on my newsfeed ........ redface:
facepalm:
Post by: Darwins Selection on June 27, 2019, 07:19:23 PM
"Fed up with wedding by hand? Try Glyphosate""How many women can a man marry?"...............
With all confidence, the boy answered immediately saying sixteen................
His cousin was amazed at how quick he got the answer and asked him how he arrived at it................
The sharp boy then replied, saying:.....................
"Easy. All you have to do is add it up like the Bishop said: 4 better, 4 worse, 4 richer, 4 poorer.".......................
redface: redface:
Opening the Christmas crackers early...? noooo:
Anything with the word "wedding" in ..is on my newsfeed ........ redface:
Post by: Barman on June 28, 2019, 03:46:52 AM
"Fed up with wedding by hand? Try Glyphosate""How many women can a man marry?"...............
With all confidence, the boy answered immediately saying sixteen................
His cousin was amazed at how quick he got the answer and asked him how he arrived at it................
The sharp boy then replied, saying:.....................
"Easy. All you have to do is add it up like the Bishop said: 4 better, 4 worse, 4 richer, 4 poorer.".......................
redface: redface:
Opening the Christmas crackers early...? noooo:
Anything with the word "wedding" in ..is on my newsfeed ........ redface:
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: apc2010 on July 03, 2019, 09:26:18 PM
The most common one is: "You said you'd be home from the pub three fuckin hours ago!"
redface:
Post by: Steve on July 03, 2019, 09:51:52 PM
I've been havin real problems with nuisance phone calls today .................. evil:lol: lol: lol:
The most common one is: "You said you'd be home from the pub three fuckin hours ago!"
redface:
Post by: Barman on July 04, 2019, 04:14:53 AM
I've been havin real problems with nuisance phone calls today .................. evil:
The most common one is: "You said you'd be home from the pub three fuckin hours ago!"
redface:
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Just One More on July 06, 2019, 09:42:45 AM
Post by: Steve on July 06, 2019, 10:10:34 AM
I've just had my photo taken with REM... that's me in the cornerlol: lol: lol:
Post by: Barman on July 06, 2019, 10:43:29 AM
lol: lol: lol: lol:I've just had my photo taken with REM... that's me in the cornerlol: lol: lol:
Post by: apc2010 on July 06, 2019, 02:22:56 PM
I've just had my photo taken with REM... that's me in the corner
;D ;D ;D ;D
Post by: Steve on July 06, 2019, 03:31:39 PM
I thought that I heard you laughingI've just had my photo taken with REM... that's me in the corner
;D ;D ;D ;D
Post by: apc2010 on July 06, 2019, 08:50:11 PM
I thought that I heard you laughingI've just had my photo taken with REM... that's me in the corner
;D ;D ;D ;D
drumroll: impressed............ Thumbs:
Post by: apc2010 on July 06, 2019, 10:09:03 PM
I thought she joking .....
But then I saw her Face ............ whistle:
Post by: Steve on July 06, 2019, 10:19:39 PM
Post by: Barman on July 07, 2019, 03:48:11 AM
Affs detector has just gone "Ping"
You're not a believer then...? noooo:
Post by: Steve on July 07, 2019, 08:51:37 AM
drumroll:Affs detector has just gone "Ping"
You're not a believer then...? noooo:
Post by: Barman on July 07, 2019, 10:21:07 AM
A suspected stowaway who is believed to have fallen from the landing gear of a flight into Heathrow Airport has been found dead in a London garden.
Apparently Spurs scouts have descended on the Clapham back garden to see if the Kenyan stowaway is available for next season. A source said: “He’s quick down the wing, comes without baggage and will make a big impact when he arrives.”
Post by: Steve on July 07, 2019, 10:42:53 AM
Kenya flight ‘stowaway’ body found in Clapham gardenlol: lol: lol: redface:
A suspected stowaway who is believed to have fallen from the landing gear of a flight into Heathrow Airport has been found dead in a London garden.
Apparently Spurs scouts have descended on the Clapham back garden to see if the Kenyan stowaway is available for next season. A source said: “He’s quick down the wing, comes without baggage and will make a big impact when he arrives.”
Post by: Just One More on July 07, 2019, 11:05:16 AM
Kenya flight ‘stowaway’ body found in Clapham gardenlol: lol: lol: redface:
A suspected stowaway who is believed to have fallen from the landing gear of a flight into Heathrow Airport has been found dead in a London garden.
Apparently Spurs scouts have descended on the Clapham back garden to see if the Kenyan stowaway is available for next season. A source said: “He’s quick down the wing, comes without baggage and will make a big impact when he arrives.”
lol: lol: lol: lol: redface: redface:
Post by: apc2010 on July 08, 2019, 09:41:18 PM
I had to send in 2 CVs ......... rubschin:
Post by: Steve on July 08, 2019, 10:42:51 PM
I just applied for a job at the Citroen Factory ....... Thumbs:lol: lol: lol:
I had to send in 2 CVs ......... rubschin:
Post by: Barman on July 09, 2019, 03:59:31 AM
lol: lol: lol: lol:I just applied for a job at the Citroen Factory ....... Thumbs:lol: lol: lol:
I had to send in 2 CVs ......... rubschin:
Post by: Just One More on July 09, 2019, 04:49:05 AM
lol: lol: lol: lol:I just applied for a job at the Citroen Factory ....... Thumbs:lol: lol: lol:
I had to send in 2 CVs ......... rubschin:
lol: lol: lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Darwins Selection on July 09, 2019, 12:24:06 PM
lol: lol: lol: lol: lol: lol:lol: lol: lol: lol:I just applied for a job at the Citroen Factory ....... Thumbs:lol: lol: lol:
I had to send in 2 CVs ......... rubschin:
lol: lol: lol: lol: lol:
Post by: apc2010 on July 10, 2019, 04:36:00 PM
As much as I love my gigs it takes up too much of my time and I am struggling to keep up with the everyday basics such as cleaning and maintaining my home, so something has to give. I will be re-homing my collection.😥
Please don't ask any questions, as I can't handle talking about it.
Below is a list of what's available. All FREE of charge, but to good homes only. Serious enquiries only please.
Thanks for reading and understanding...
1. Dustpan and brush
2. Sponges
3. Dusters
4. Mop and bucket
5. Window cleaner
6.Hoover
7. Dishwashing liquid
8. Laundry detergent
9. Fabric softener
10. Laundry baskets
11. Toilet brush
12. Cleaning sprays
13. Scrubbing brushes
whistle: redface:
Post by: Steve on July 10, 2019, 05:13:35 PM
I'm posting this with a heavy heart...😥:thumbsup:
As much as I love my gigs it takes up too much of my time and I am struggling to keep up with the everyday basics such as cleaning and maintaining my home, so something has to give. I will be re-homing my collection.😥
Please don't ask any questions, as I can't handle talking about it.
Below is a list of what's available. All FREE of charge, but to good homes only. Serious enquiries only please.
Thanks for reading and understanding...
1. Dustpan and brush
2. Sponges
3. Dusters
4. Mop and bucket
5. Window cleaner
6.Hoover
7. Dishwashing liquid
8. Laundry detergent
9. Fabric softener
10. Laundry baskets
11. Toilet brush
12. Cleaning sprays
13. Scrubbing brushes
whistle: redface:
Post by: Just One More on July 11, 2019, 04:39:04 AM
I'm posting this with a heavy heart...😥
As much as I love my gigs it takes up too much of my time and I am struggling to keep up with the everyday basics such as cleaning and maintaining my home, so something has to give. I will be re-homing my collection.😥
Please don't ask any questions, as I can't handle talking about it.
Below is a list of what's available. All FREE of charge, but to good homes only. Serious enquiries only please.
Thanks for reading and understanding...
1. Dustpan and brush
2. Sponges
3. Dusters
4. Mop and bucket
5. Window cleaner
6.Hoover
7. Dishwashing liquid
8. Laundry detergent
9. Fabric softener
10. Laundry baskets
11. Toilet brush
12. Cleaning sprays
13. Scrubbing brushes
whistle: redface:
lol:
Post by: Barman on July 11, 2019, 05:51:30 AM
lol: lol:I'm posting this with a heavy heart...😥
As much as I love my gigs it takes up too much of my time and I am struggling to keep up with the everyday basics such as cleaning and maintaining my home, so something has to give. I will be re-homing my collection.😥
Please don't ask any questions, as I can't handle talking about it.
Below is a list of what's available. All FREE of charge, but to good homes only. Serious enquiries only please.
Thanks for reading and understanding...
1. Dustpan and brush
2. Sponges
3. Dusters
4. Mop and bucket
5. Window cleaner
6.Hoover
7. Dishwashing liquid
8. Laundry detergent
9. Fabric softener
10. Laundry baskets
11. Toilet brush
12. Cleaning sprays
13. Scrubbing brushes
whistle: redface:
lol:
Post by: Just One More on July 13, 2019, 01:52:27 PM
Post by: Barman on July 13, 2019, 01:53:40 PM
A man accused of chopping peoples fingers off has been released by the Police, nobody could point him out in the line up.
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Darwins Selection on July 13, 2019, 06:36:12 PM
lol: lol: lol: lol:A man accused of chopping peoples fingers off has been released by the Police, nobody could point him out in the line up.
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Steve on July 13, 2019, 07:17:31 PM
lol: lol: lol: lol: lol:lol: lol: lol: lol:A man accused of chopping peoples fingers off has been released by the Police, nobody could point him out in the line up.
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: apc2010 on July 17, 2019, 07:30:09 PM
I was so distraught I had to phone a friend........
redface:
Post by: Barman on July 17, 2019, 07:35:54 PM
My girlfriend's just left me because of my obsession with Who Wants To Be A Millionaire..........
I was so distraught I had to phone a friend........
redface:
tunble:
Post by: apc2010 on July 17, 2019, 07:55:18 PM
My girlfriend's just left me because of my obsession with Who Wants To Be A Millionaire..........
I was so distraught I had to phone a friend........
redface:
tunble:
That's why I didn't call you ...... evil:
Post by: Steve on July 17, 2019, 08:54:25 PM
My girlfriend's just left me because of my obsession with Who Wants To Be A Millionaire..........lol:
I was so distraught I had to phone a friend........
redface:
Post by: Barman on July 18, 2019, 04:37:57 AM
My girlfriend's just left me because of my obsession with Who Wants To Be A Millionaire..........
I was so distraught I had to phone a friend........
redface:
tunble:
That's why I didn't call you ...... evil:
cussing:
Post by: apc2010 on August 04, 2019, 09:52:23 PM
"What are the eggs for?" he asks.....
The wife replies, "Everytime we had crap sex I would put an egg in the box".
"Not bad, 3 eggs in 35 years, and what about the cash?"
The wife looks up and replies, "Everytime I got a dozen, I sold them............... redface:
Post by: Barman on August 05, 2019, 04:02:59 AM
A woman on her death bed calls her husband and asks him to open a box from under the bed. Inside he finds 3 eggs and €7,000 in cash.............
"What are the eggs for?" he asks.....
The wife replies, "Everytime we had crap sex I would put an egg in the box".
"Not bad, 3 eggs in 35 years, and what about the cash?"
The wife looks up and replies, "Everytime I got a dozen, I sold them............... redface:
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Just One More on August 09, 2019, 04:05:19 AM
but I can't get my jumper off!
Post by: Barman on August 09, 2019, 06:17:40 AM
This may make me sound a bit big headed...
but I can't get my jumper off!
happy001
Post by: apc2010 on August 09, 2019, 05:50:13 PM
This may make me sound a bit big headed...
but I can't get my jumper off!
;D ;D ;D
Post by: Just One More on August 11, 2019, 08:06:18 PM
Post by: Just One More on August 11, 2019, 08:09:22 PM
Post by: Darwins Selection on August 12, 2019, 12:07:55 AM
lol: lol: lol: lol:This may make me sound a bit big headed...
but I can't get my jumper off!
;D ;D ;D
Post by: Darwins Selection on August 12, 2019, 12:08:17 AM
Just sold my glove puppet collection, a man came round and offered me £150 to take them of my handslol: lol:
Post by: Barman on August 12, 2019, 04:48:07 AM
Just sold my glove puppet collection, a man came round and offered me £150 to take them of my hands
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Barman on August 12, 2019, 04:48:24 AM
Whenever I hear about a whale washing up on the beach, I often wonder about the size of the rubber gloves.
rubschin:
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Steve on August 12, 2019, 09:19:09 AM
lol: lol: lol: lol:Just sold my glove puppet collection, a man came round and offered me £150 to take them of my hands
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Nick on August 12, 2019, 05:36:12 PM
Post by: Barman on August 13, 2019, 04:43:44 AM
*off
eeek:
Post by: apc2010 on August 15, 2019, 04:32:53 PM
Every time I order some chicken pellets.....
I get an email a few days later asking for
their feed back...................... rubschin:
Post by: Barman on August 15, 2019, 05:34:29 PM
I've had it with Amazon...............
Every time I order some chicken pellets.....
I get an email a few days later asking for
their feed back...................... rubschin:
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Steve on August 15, 2019, 07:49:37 PM
Post by: Just One More on August 15, 2019, 08:05:17 PM
I've had it with Amazon...............
Every time I order some chicken pellets.....
I get an email a few days later asking for
their feed back...................... rubschin:
lol: lol: lol:
lol: lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Darwins Selection on August 15, 2019, 09:35:35 PM
lol: lol: lol: lol: lol:I've had it with Amazon...............
Every time I order some chicken pellets.....
I get an email a few days later asking for
their feed back...................... rubschin:
lol: lol: lol:
lol: lol: lol: lol:
Post by: apc2010 on August 22, 2019, 12:48:53 PM
.......... next thing you know....Bosch.......... redface:
Post by: Barman on August 22, 2019, 12:50:50 PM
I got assaulted by a guy with a power tool the other day...................... minding my own business walking down the street.............
.......... next thing you know....Bosch.......... redface:
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Steve on August 22, 2019, 01:43:47 PM
lol: lol: lol: lol:I got assaulted by a guy with a power tool the other day...................... minding my own business walking down the street.............
.......... next thing you know....Bosch.......... redface:
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Darwins Selection on August 23, 2019, 07:51:08 AM
lol: lol: lol: lol: lol:lol: lol: lol: lol:I got assaulted by a guy with a power tool the other day...................... minding my own business walking down the street.............
.......... next thing you know....Bosch.......... redface:
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: apc2010 on August 25, 2019, 06:25:07 PM
Lovely bloke ....
Shit cabinet maker ........ noooo:
Post by: Just One More on August 25, 2019, 08:33:55 PM
(https://i.postimg.cc/fSz1tNqm/suicide-clinic-cheerios.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/fSz1tNqm)
Post by: Steve on August 25, 2019, 08:53:35 PM
Affometer needle is twitching
Post by: Barman on August 26, 2019, 04:09:41 AM
My Grandad always said " as one door closes , another one opens "
Lovely bloke ....
Shit cabinet maker ........ noooo:
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Barman on August 26, 2019, 04:09:57 AM
(https://i.postimg.cc/fSz1tNqm/suicide-clinic-cheerios.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/fSz1tNqm)
happy001
Post by: apc2010 on August 26, 2019, 10:56:55 AM
(https://i.postimg.cc/fSz1tNqm/suicide-clinic-cheerios.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/fSz1tNqm)
happy001
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Steve on August 26, 2019, 02:09:47 PM
I'm at one of those Swiss suicide clinics, do you know what the bastards have given me for breakfast this morning...?
...fucking Cheerios.
Post by: apc2010 on August 27, 2019, 02:13:41 AM
I feel like I've been taken to the cleaners ....... noooo:
Post by: Barman on August 27, 2019, 04:31:21 AM
Just paid 25 snotters to get a taxi to the launderette ....... eeek:
I feel like I've been taken to the cleaners ....... noooo:
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Steve on August 27, 2019, 08:26:11 AM
lol: lol: lol: lol:Just paid 25 snotters to get a taxi to the launderette ....... eeek:
I feel like I've been taken to the cleaners ....... noooo:
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Just One More on August 27, 2019, 09:00:20 PM
(https://i.postimg.cc/gwVwzRdk/hearing-symptoms.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/gwVwzRdk)
Post by: apc2010 on August 27, 2019, 09:04:24 PM
(https://i.postimg.cc/gwVwzRdk/hearing-symptoms.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/gwVwzRdk)
;D ;D
Post by: Steve on August 27, 2019, 09:11:21 PM
lol: lol: lol:
(https://i.postimg.cc/gwVwzRdk/hearing-symptoms.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/gwVwzRdk)
;D ;D
Post by: Barman on August 28, 2019, 03:53:15 AM
lol: lol: lol: lol:lol: lol: lol:
(https://i.postimg.cc/gwVwzRdk/hearing-symptoms.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/gwVwzRdk)
;D ;D
Post by: Darwins Selection on August 28, 2019, 08:36:32 AM
lol: lol: lol: lol: lol:lol: lol: lol: lol:Just paid 25 snotters to get a taxi to the launderette ....... eeek:
I feel like I've been taken to the cleaners ....... noooo:
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Darwins Selection on August 28, 2019, 08:37:18 AM
lol: lol: lol: lol: lol:lol: lol: lol: lol:lol: lol: lol:
(https://i.postimg.cc/gwVwzRdk/hearing-symptoms.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/gwVwzRdk)
;D ;D
Post by: Barman on August 28, 2019, 02:16:19 PM
(https://i.postimg.cc/DSgF20N6/68601067-2468965260003655-4148779356707094528-n.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/DSgF20N6)
Post by: apc2010 on August 28, 2019, 02:31:09 PM
(https://i.postimg.cc/DSgF20N6/68601067-2468965260003655-4148779356707094528-n.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/DSgF20N6)
Thumbs:
Post by: Steve on August 28, 2019, 05:28:44 PM
lol: lol: lol:
(https://i.postimg.cc/DSgF20N6/68601067-2468965260003655-4148779356707094528-n.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/DSgF20N6)
Thumbs:
Post by: Darwins Selection on August 28, 2019, 10:00:26 PM
lol: lol: lol: lol:lol: lol: lol:
(https://i.postimg.cc/DSgF20N6/68601067-2468965260003655-4148779356707094528-n.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/DSgF20N6)
Thumbs:
Post by: apc2010 on August 28, 2019, 10:33:20 PM
lol: lol: lol: lol:lol: lol: lol:
(https://i.postimg.cc/DSgF20N6/68601067-2468965260003655-4148779356707094528-n.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/DSgF20N6)
Thumbs:
Credit APEY.. ::)
Post by: Barman on August 29, 2019, 04:03:41 AM
lol: lol: lol: lol:lol: lol: lol:
(https://i.postimg.cc/DSgF20N6/68601067-2468965260003655-4148779356707094528-n.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/DSgF20N6)
Thumbs:
Credit APEY.. ::)
pathead:
Post by: apc2010 on August 29, 2019, 09:16:18 PM
She laughed ..and said
"Grand dad you are so old ..use my phone .."
So I smashed her new i-phone against the wall and killed the spider .... Thumbs:
Post by: Steve on August 29, 2019, 11:08:56 PM
I asked my grand daughter to bring me a newspaper .....;D
She laughed ..and said
"Grand dad you are so old ..use my phone .."
So I smashed her new i-phone against the wall and killed the spider .... Thumbs:
Post by: Barman on August 30, 2019, 03:52:11 AM
I asked my grand daughter to bring me a newspaper .....
She laughed ..and said
"Grand dad you are so old ..use my phone .."
So I smashed her new i-phone against the wall and killed the spider .... Thumbs:
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: apc2010 on September 01, 2019, 08:13:23 PM
1st time you have seen 2020 ..... Thumbs:
Post by: Steve on September 01, 2019, 08:24:49 PM
People who wear glasses ......look forward to next year .......lol: lol: lol:
1st time you have seen 2020 ..... Thumbs:
Post by: apc2010 on September 02, 2019, 12:14:04 AM
What a four letter word for female relative ....
ends in ..UNT ....
She said "aunt "
Now where is that Tippex ........ rubschin:
Post by: Barman on September 02, 2019, 04:01:04 AM
People who wear glasses ......look forward to next year .......
1st time you have seen 2020 ..... Thumbs:
drumroll:
Post by: Barman on September 02, 2019, 04:01:27 AM
Doing a crossword. asked Miss T ...
What a four letter word for female relative ....
ends in ..UNT ....
She said "aunt "
Now where is that Tippex ........ rubschin:
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Steve on September 02, 2019, 09:47:11 AM
lol: lol: lol: lol:Doing a crossword. asked Miss T ...
What a four letter word for female relative ....
ends in ..UNT ....
She said "aunt "
Now where is that Tippex ........ rubschin:
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: apc2010 on September 06, 2019, 03:21:29 PM
So I asked ..."are you the frier "..... rubschin:.... ;D
No he said " I am the chipmonk " ,,,,,,,,,,,,, redface:
Post by: Barman on September 06, 2019, 03:27:03 PM
Visited a monastery today ..I walked past the kitchen and saw a bloke cooking chips....
So I asked ..."are you the frier "..... rubschin:.... ;D
No he said " I am the chipmonk " ,,,,,,,,,,,,, redface:
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Steve on September 06, 2019, 04:28:38 PM
lol: lol: lol: lol:Visited a monastery today ..I walked past the kitchen and saw a bloke cooking chips....
So I asked ..."are you the frier "..... rubschin:.... ;D
No he said " I am the chipmonk " ,,,,,,,,,,,,, redface:
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Darwins Selection on September 06, 2019, 04:49:29 PM
lol: lol: lol: lol: lol:lol: lol: lol: lol:Visited a monastery today ..I walked past the kitchen and saw a bloke cooking chips....
So I asked ..."are you the frier "..... rubschin:.... ;D
No he said " I am the chipmonk " ,,,,,,,,,,,,, redface:
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: apc2010 on September 07, 2019, 09:02:51 PM
Personally ......I think its bollocks................ noooo:
Post by: Steve on September 07, 2019, 09:44:05 PM
Post by: Barman on September 08, 2019, 04:17:41 AM
Sex therapists say the most effective way you can arouse a man is to spend 10 minutes licking the mans ears............. rubschin:
Personally ......I think its bollocks................ noooo:
lol: lol: lol: redface:
Post by: Just One More on September 08, 2019, 06:21:21 AM
Sex therapists say the most effective way you can arouse a man is to spend 10 minutes licking the mans ears............. rubschin:
Personally ......I think its bollocks................ noooo:
lol: lol: lol: lol: lol:
(That's too good for the hat coat board)
Post by: apc2010 on September 08, 2019, 03:27:51 PM
Sex therapists say the most effective way you can arouse a man is to spend 10 minutes licking the mans ears............. rubschin:
Personally ......I think its bollocks................ noooo:
lol: lol: lol: lol: lol:
(That's too good for the hat coat board)
cloud9:
Post by: Darwins Selection on September 08, 2019, 05:34:21 PM
lol: lol: lol: lol: lol: lol:Sex therapists say the most effective way you can arouse a man is to spend 10 minutes licking the mans ears............. rubschin:
Personally ......I think its bollocks................ noooo:
lol: lol: lol: lol: lol:
(That's too good for the hat coat board)
Post by: apc2010 on September 09, 2019, 11:06:45 PM
Paid a chippy up front to make me a double Bed.........
Now the f998er done a bunk !!!!......... cussing:
redface:
Post by: Barman on September 10, 2019, 03:35:09 AM
WARNING.!!!
Paid a chippy up front to make me a double Bed.........
Now the f998er done a bunk !!!!......... cussing:
redface:
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Just One More on September 10, 2019, 04:37:43 AM
WARNING.!!!
Paid a chippy up front to make me a double Bed.........
Now the f998er done a bunk !!!!......... cussing:
redface:
lol: lol: lol:
lol: lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Steve on September 10, 2019, 08:30:05 AM
lol: lol: lol: lol: lol:WARNING.!!!
Paid a chippy up front to make me a double Bed.........
Now the f998er done a bunk !!!!......... cussing:
redface:
lol: lol: lol:
lol: lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Darwins Selection on September 10, 2019, 12:33:54 PM
lol: lol: lol: lol: lol: lol:lol: lol: lol: lol: lol:WARNING.!!!
Paid a chippy up front to make me a double Bed.........
Now the f998er done a bunk !!!!......... cussing:
redface:
lol: lol: lol:
lol: lol: lol: lol:
Post by: apc2010 on September 13, 2019, 10:52:56 PM
Pupil.... Thumbs: ...Spelling ........
Post by: Steve on September 13, 2019, 10:59:06 PM
Teacher " name something beginning with " E " that you are not very good at ? "lol:
Pupil.... Thumbs: ...Spelling ........
Post by: Barman on September 14, 2019, 04:17:28 AM
Teacher " name something beginning with " E " that you are not very good at ? "
Pupil.... Thumbs: ...Spelling ........
happy001
Post by: Darwins Selection on September 14, 2019, 11:07:13 AM
happy001 happy001Teacher " name something beginning with " E " that you are not very good at ? "
Pupil.... Thumbs: ...Spelling ........
happy001
Post by: apc2010 on September 15, 2019, 10:10:03 PM
She said, "You may not feel anything from the waist down."........ eeek:
"Fair enough," I replied, and grabbed her tits............ Thumbs:
Post by: Steve on September 15, 2019, 10:22:25 PM
After my accident, I woke up in hospital with a sexy nurse standing over me......lol: lol: lol:
She said, "You may not feel anything from the waist down."........ eeek:
"Fair enough," I replied, and grabbed her tits............ Thumbs:
Post by: Barman on September 16, 2019, 04:38:14 AM
lol: lol: lol: lol:After my accident, I woke up in hospital with a sexy nurse standing over me......lol: lol: lol:
She said, "You may not feel anything from the waist down."........ eeek:
"Fair enough," I replied, and grabbed her tits............ Thumbs:
Post by: apc2010 on September 23, 2019, 11:23:18 PM
Only when I got home I realised.........I picked 7 up............ noooo:
Post by: Barman on September 24, 2019, 03:45:09 AM
Went to shop to buy six cans of Sprite ...........
Only when I got home I realised.........I picked 7 up............ noooo:
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Steve on September 24, 2019, 10:12:06 AM
lol: lol: lol: lol:Went to shop to buy six cans of Sprite ...........
Only when I got home I realised.........I picked 7 up............ noooo:
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: apc2010 on September 24, 2019, 11:32:54 PM
Because women love digging up the f888ing past ......... Thumbs:
Post by: Barman on September 25, 2019, 04:37:53 AM
Why are there so many women archeologists......... rubschin:
Because women love digging up the f888ing past ......... Thumbs:
happy001
Post by: Steve on September 25, 2019, 08:57:20 AM
lol: lol: lol:Why are there so many women archeologists......... rubschin:
Because women love digging up the f888ing past ......... Thumbs:
happy001
Post by: Darwins Selection on September 25, 2019, 11:01:15 AM
lol: lol: lol: lol:lol: lol: lol:Why are there so many women archeologists......... rubschin:
Because women love digging up the f888ing past ......... Thumbs:
happy001
Post by: Barman on September 25, 2019, 11:13:20 AM
lol: lol: lol: lol:lol: lol: lol:Why are there so many women archeologists......... rubschin:
Because women love digging up the f888ing past ......... Thumbs:
happy001
I told LL that one... noooo:
Post by: Grumpmeister on September 25, 2019, 11:15:15 AM
lol: lol: lol: lol:lol: lol: lol:Why are there so many women archeologists......... rubschin:
Because women love digging up the f888ing past ......... Thumbs:
happy001
I told LL that one... noooo:
I know the line about teaching an old dog new tricks but you would think that someone as old as BM would have learned common sense and self preservation... noooo:
Post by: Steve on September 26, 2019, 10:14:18 AM
noooo: noooo:lol: lol: lol: lol:lol: lol: lol:Why are there so many women archeologists......... rubschin:
Because women love digging up the f888ing past ......... Thumbs:
happy001
I told LL that one... noooo:
I know the line about teaching an old dog new tricks but you would think that someone as old as BM would have learned common sense and self preservation... noooo:
Post by: apc2010 on September 26, 2019, 04:56:27 PM
noooo: noooo:lol: lol: lol: lol:lol: lol: lol:Why are there so many women archeologists......... rubschin:
Because women love digging up the f888ing past ......... Thumbs:
happy001
I told LL that one... noooo:
I know the line about teaching an old dog new tricks but you would think that someone as old as BM would have learned common sense and self preservation... noooo:
Are you calling LL an old dog ........ eeek:
Post by: apc2010 on September 26, 2019, 10:07:58 PM
Mrs Fire ....... Thumbs:
Post by: Darwins Selection on September 26, 2019, 10:21:10 PM
Without a Doubt my favorite Robin Williams' film is...........drumroll:
Mrs Fire ....... Thumbs:
Post by: Just One More on September 26, 2019, 10:28:22 PM
Without a Doubt my favorite Robin Williams' film is...........drumroll:
Mrs Fire ....... Thumbs:
drumroll: drumroll:
Post by: Steve on September 26, 2019, 11:18:40 PM
drumroll: drumroll: drumroll:Without a Doubt my favorite Robin Williams' film is...........drumroll:
Mrs Fire ....... Thumbs:
drumroll: drumroll:
Post by: apc2010 on September 30, 2019, 11:01:24 PM
Geri can ........... Thumbs:
redface: redface: redface:
Post by: Grumpmeister on October 01, 2019, 02:16:15 AM
Which Spice girl can hold most petrol ........... rubschin:
Geri can ........... Thumbs:
redface: redface: redface:
How long did it take to get the splinters out after scraping the bottom of the barrel...? whistle:
Post by: Barman on October 01, 2019, 04:33:32 AM
Which Spice girl can hold most petrol ........... rubschin:
Geri can ........... Thumbs:
redface: redface: redface:
lol: lol: lol:
I thought it was an AFFS but can't find it... rubschin:
Post by: Just One More on October 04, 2019, 09:27:55 PM
So I entered myself
Post by: apc2010 on October 04, 2019, 10:11:42 PM
I noticed that there was a competition for the world's greatest contortionist...
So I entered myself
;D ;D ;D ;D ;D
Post by: Darwins Selection on October 04, 2019, 11:08:42 PM
lol: lol: lol: lol: lol: lol:I noticed that there was a competition for the world's greatest contortionist...
So I entered myself
;D ;D ;D ;D ;D
Post by: Barman on October 05, 2019, 04:06:03 AM
lol: lol: lol: lol: lol: lol: lol:lol: lol: lol: lol: lol: lol:I noticed that there was a competition for the world's greatest contortionist...
So I entered myself
;D ;D ;D ;D ;D
Post by: Steve on October 05, 2019, 11:23:29 AM
lol: lol: lol: lol: lol: lol: lol: lol:lol: lol: lol: lol: lol: lol: lol:lol: lol: lol: lol: lol: lol:I noticed that there was a competition for the world's greatest contortionist...
So I entered myself
;D ;D ;D ;D ;D
Post by: apc2010 on October 08, 2019, 10:43:48 PM
That's probably why .......... rubschin:
Post by: Barman on October 09, 2019, 04:05:32 AM
If you suck at playing the trumpet ...........
That's probably why .......... rubschin:
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Steve on October 09, 2019, 10:19:19 AM
lol: lol: lol: lol:If you suck at playing the trumpet ...........
That's probably why .......... rubschin:
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Darwins Selection on October 09, 2019, 09:17:11 PM
lol: lol: lol: lol: lol:lol: lol: lol: lol:If you suck at playing the trumpet ...........
That's probably why .......... rubschin:
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: apc2010 on October 14, 2019, 01:20:54 AM
Nice to see a bloke taking his foster kids out .......... Thumbs:
Post by: Barman on October 14, 2019, 04:15:13 AM
(https://i.postimg.cc/Z0WpxfxY/72532464-10157078895259930-5652089936908648448-n.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/Z0WpxfxY)
Nice to see a bloke taking his foster kids out .......... Thumbs:
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Steve on October 14, 2019, 10:10:18 AM
Post by: Barman on October 14, 2019, 03:01:13 PM
I need more sleep, it's just going right past me that one
He has two slabs of Fosters in the pushchair... ;)
Post by: Steve on October 14, 2019, 03:05:26 PM
lol: lol: lol:I need more sleep, it's just going right past me that one
He has two slabs of Fosters in the pushchair... ;)
and doh: and thanks :thumbsup:
Post by: apc2010 on October 14, 2019, 05:29:10 PM
Only driven from time to time ......... Thumbs:
Post by: Barman on October 14, 2019, 06:15:20 PM
I am looking to sell my Delorean .........Good condition ..low mileage ....
Only driven from time to time ......... Thumbs:
drumroll:
Post by: Steve on October 14, 2019, 07:13:51 PM
lol: lol: lol:I am looking to sell my Delorean .........Good condition ..low mileage ....
Only driven from time to time ......... Thumbs:
drumroll:
Post by: Just One More on October 14, 2019, 09:55:19 PM
Post by: apc2010 on October 14, 2019, 09:59:33 PM
Bad Mum....... rubschin:
Post by: Barman on October 15, 2019, 05:10:15 AM
http://www.facebook.com/watch/?v=757581241346768
happy001
Post by: Barman on October 15, 2019, 05:11:09 AM
https://www.facebook.com/100568861364333/videos/2409244496062260/?t=22
Bad Mum....... rubschin:
She's done a lot of those... lol: lol: lol:
Post by: apc2010 on October 18, 2019, 12:20:38 AM
Groundhog day ......... Thumbs:
Post by: Barman on October 18, 2019, 04:11:55 AM
There is a sequel to Groundhog day .............. Thumbs:
Groundhog day ......... Thumbs:
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Steve on October 18, 2019, 07:53:27 AM
lol: lol: lol: lol:There is a sequel to Groundhog day .............. Thumbs:
Groundhog day ......... Thumbs:
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: apc2010 on October 20, 2019, 11:24:18 PM
Then Who is ........ rubschin:
Post by: Barman on October 21, 2019, 04:25:18 AM
If Watson isn't the most famous Doctor in the world .....
Then Who is ........ rubschin:
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Darwins Selection on October 21, 2019, 09:13:04 AM
lol: lol: lol: lol:If Watson isn't the most famous Doctor in the world .....
Then Who is ........ rubschin:
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Steve on October 21, 2019, 08:48:19 PM
lol: lol: lol: lol: lol:lol: lol: lol: lol:If Watson isn't the most famous Doctor in the world .....
Then Who is ........ rubschin:
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: apc2010 on October 22, 2019, 02:36:37 PM
All the great ones are white ............. Thumbs:
Post by: Barman on October 22, 2019, 02:45:09 PM
People are similar to Sharks ......... rubschin:
All the great ones are white ............. Thumbs:
lol: lol: lol: redface:
Post by: apc2010 on October 23, 2019, 06:31:32 AM
Your cocks go black............... Thumbs:
Post by: Barman on October 23, 2019, 06:36:47 AM
Message to all dyslexics :Don`t forget this weekend.............
Your cocks go black............... Thumbs:
facepalm:
Post by: Steve on October 23, 2019, 10:45:07 AM
We need an Affs emojiMessage to all dyslexics :Don`t forget this weekend.............
Your cocks go black............... Thumbs:
facepalm:
Post by: Just One More on October 23, 2019, 10:31:53 PM
He replied, "Yes"...
I said, "Can you carry mine for me"...?
He said, "Sure, of course"...
As we walked across the entire distance of the car park, I suddenly stopped beside my motor and said, "I could've carried it myself but I'm a lazy bastard"..
He replied, "I gathered that here's your fucking KitKat"...
Post by: apc2010 on October 23, 2019, 10:43:10 PM
I asked the guy in Tesco this morning, "So you're able to carry shopping to a customer's car free of charge"...?
He replied, "Yes"...
I said, "Can you carry mine for me"...?
He said, "Sure, of course"...
As we walked across the entire distance of the car park, I suddenly stopped beside my motor and said, "I could've carried it myself but I'm a lazy bastard"..
He replied, "I gathered that here's your fucking KitKat"...
;D ;D ;D
Post by: Steve on October 23, 2019, 10:54:52 PM
lol: lol: lol: lol:I asked the guy in Tesco this morning, "So you're able to carry shopping to a customer's car free of charge"...?
He replied, "Yes"...
I said, "Can you carry mine for me"...?
He said, "Sure, of course"...
As we walked across the entire distance of the car park, I suddenly stopped beside my motor and said, "I could've carried it myself but I'm a lazy bastard"..
He replied, "I gathered that here's your fucking KitKat"...
;D ;D ;D
Post by: Barman on October 24, 2019, 04:30:11 AM
lol: lol: lol: lol: lol:lol: lol: lol: lol:I asked the guy in Tesco this morning, "So you're able to carry shopping to a customer's car free of charge"...?
He replied, "Yes"...
I said, "Can you carry mine for me"...?
He said, "Sure, of course"...
As we walked across the entire distance of the car park, I suddenly stopped beside my motor and said, "I could've carried it myself but I'm a lazy bastard"..
He replied, "I gathered that here's your fucking KitKat"...
;D ;D ;D
Post by: Darwins Selection on October 24, 2019, 06:10:45 PM
lol: lol: lol: lol: lol: lol:lol: lol: lol: lol: lol:lol: lol: lol: lol:I asked the guy in Tesco this morning, "So you're able to carry shopping to a customer's car free of charge"...?
He replied, "Yes"...
I said, "Can you carry mine for me"...?
He said, "Sure, of course"...
As we walked across the entire distance of the car park, I suddenly stopped beside my motor and said, "I could've carried it myself but I'm a lazy bastard"..
He replied, "I gathered that here's your fucking KitKat"...
;D ;D ;D
Post by: apc2010 on October 26, 2019, 12:14:59 AM
You are Dyslexic.................... noooo:
Post by: Barman on October 26, 2019, 03:08:48 AM
If life give you Melons.........
You are Dyslexic.................... noooo:
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Darwins Selection on October 26, 2019, 10:07:13 AM
lol: lol: lol: lol:If life give you Melons.........
You are Dyslexic.................... noooo:
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: apc2010 on October 27, 2019, 11:29:31 PM
whistle:
Post by: Barman on October 28, 2019, 04:19:52 AM
People are normally shocked when they find out I am not a very good electrician ............ rubschin:
whistle:
AFFS! cussing:
Post by: apc2010 on October 28, 2019, 11:41:07 PM
Now I have Heinzsight ......... redface:
Post by: Barman on October 29, 2019, 06:58:10 AM
Just got Ketchup in my eye ............ cussing:
Now I have Heinzsight ......... redface:
drumroll:
Post by: Steve on October 29, 2019, 04:37:43 PM
lol: lol: lol:Just got Ketchup in my eye ............ cussing:
Now I have Heinzsight ......... redface:
drumroll:
Post by: apc2010 on October 29, 2019, 11:19:12 PM
Therapist :Who ?
Me: ..AAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH........ eeek: eeek: eeek:
Post by: Barman on October 30, 2019, 05:40:39 AM
Me: I am scared of Owls .........
Therapist :Who ?
Me: ..AAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH........ eeek: eeek: eeek:
tunble:
Post by: Grumpmeister on October 30, 2019, 08:16:10 AM
Me: I am scared of Owls .........
Therapist :Who ?
Me: ..AAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH........ eeek: eeek: eeek:
And the Baldymort award for terrible jokes goes to Apey.......................................again whistle:
Post by: apc2010 on November 04, 2019, 06:08:00 PM
“Dear wife, You must realize that you are 54 years old and I have certain needs which you are no longer able to satisfy. I am otherwise happy with you as a wife, and I sincerely hope you will not be hurt or offended to learn that by the time you receive this letter, I will be at the Grand Hotel with my 18-year-old teaching assistant. I’ll be home before midnight. – Your Husband”
When he arrived at the hotel, there was a faxed letter waiting for him that read as follows:
“Dear Husband. You too are 54 years old, and by the time you receive this, I will be at the Breakwater Hotel with the 18-year-old pool boy. Being the brilliant mathematician that you are, you can easily appreciate the fact that 18 goes into 54 a lot more times than 54 goes into 18....
Don’t wait up......................
Post by: Barman on November 04, 2019, 06:15:09 PM
A professor of mathematics sent a fax to his wife. It read:
“Dear wife, You must realize that you are 54 years old and I have certain needs which you are no longer able to satisfy. I am otherwise happy with you as a wife, and I sincerely hope you will not be hurt or offended to learn that by the time you receive this letter, I will be at the Grand Hotel with my 18-year-old teaching assistant. I’ll be home before midnight. – Your Husband”
When he arrived at the hotel, there was a faxed letter waiting for him that read as follows:
“Dear Husband. You too are 54 years old, and by the time you receive this, I will be at the Breakwater Hotel with the 18-year-old pool boy. Being the brilliant mathematician that you are, you can easily appreciate the fact that 18 goes into 54 a lot more times than 54 goes into 18....
Don’t wait up......................
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Steve on November 05, 2019, 09:11:05 AM
lol: lol: lol: lol:A professor of mathematics sent a fax to his wife. It read:
“Dear wife, You must realize that you are 54 years old and I have certain needs which you are no longer able to satisfy. I am otherwise happy with you as a wife, and I sincerely hope you will not be hurt or offended to learn that by the time you receive this letter, I will be at the Grand Hotel with my 18-year-old teaching assistant. I’ll be home before midnight. – Your Husband”
When he arrived at the hotel, there was a faxed letter waiting for him that read as follows:
“Dear Husband. You too are 54 years old, and by the time you receive this, I will be at the Breakwater Hotel with the 18-year-old pool boy. Being the brilliant mathematician that you are, you can easily appreciate the fact that 18 goes into 54 a lot more times than 54 goes into 18....
Don’t wait up......................
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: apc2010 on November 14, 2019, 02:44:58 PM
Now all the kids in the vets are crying....... noooo:
Post by: Barman on November 14, 2019, 03:04:41 PM
Poxy mouse wasn't working .....so chucked hard it at the wall ......
Now all the kids in the vets are crying....... noooo:
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Darwins Selection on November 14, 2019, 03:07:45 PM
lol: lol: lol: lol:Poxy mouse wasn't working .....so chucked hard it at the wall ......
Now all the kids in the vets are crying....... noooo:
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Just One More on November 17, 2019, 07:38:07 PM
Post by: Darwins Selection on November 17, 2019, 08:46:46 PM
What was an Electric eel called before Electric. rubschin:rubschin: rubschin:
Post by: apc2010 on November 17, 2019, 11:04:35 PM
What was an Electric eel called before Electric. rubschin:
Is this a wind-up .. rubschin:
Post by: Steve on November 18, 2019, 02:52:48 AM
lol: lol: lol: lol: lol:lol: lol: lol: lol:Poxy mouse wasn't working .....so chucked hard it at the wall ......
Now all the kids in the vets are crying....... noooo:
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Just One More on November 18, 2019, 05:33:57 AM
What was an Electric eel called before Electric. rubschin:
Is this a wind-up .. rubschin:
drumroll:
Post by: Barman on November 18, 2019, 07:05:53 AM
drumroll: drumroll:What was an Electric eel called before Electric. rubschin:
Is this a wind-up .. rubschin:
drumroll:
Post by: Darwins Selection on November 18, 2019, 10:38:51 AM
drumroll: drumroll: drumroll:drumroll: drumroll:What was an Electric eel called before Electric. rubschin:
Is this a wind-up .. rubschin:
drumroll:
Post by: apc2010 on November 19, 2019, 08:58:30 PM
She walked into Tesco to see me on a step ladder stacking up boxes of washing powder.
She said "You liar.
You told me you were a stunt pilot.".......
I said "No I didn't, I told you I was a member of an Ariel display team"............. redface:
Post by: Steve on November 19, 2019, 09:24:05 PM
I remember when me and my wife had just started seeing each other.lol: lol: lol:
She walked into Tesco to see me on a step ladder stacking up boxes of washing powder.
She said "You liar.
You told me you were a stunt pilot.".......
I said "No I didn't, I told you I was a member of an Ariel display team"............. redface:
Post by: Barman on November 20, 2019, 06:15:15 AM
lol: lol: lol: lol:I remember when me and my wife had just started seeing each other.lol: lol: lol:
She walked into Tesco to see me on a step ladder stacking up boxes of washing powder.
She said "You liar.
You told me you were a stunt pilot.".......
I said "No I didn't, I told you I was a member of an Ariel display team"............. redface:
Post by: Darwins Selection on November 20, 2019, 04:04:44 PM
lol: lol: lol: lol: lol:lol: lol: lol: lol:I remember when me and my wife had just started seeing each other.lol: lol: lol:
She walked into Tesco to see me on a step ladder stacking up boxes of washing powder.
She said "You liar.
You told me you were a stunt pilot.".......
I said "No I didn't, I told you I was a member of an Ariel display team"............. redface:
Post by: apc2010 on November 21, 2019, 04:42:15 PM
BM text back: "Pour some luke warm water over it." ..........
LL texts back: "Computer completely fucked now................ whistle:
Post by: Barman on November 21, 2019, 05:00:21 PM
LL texts BM on a cold winters morning: "Windows frozen."........
BM text back: "Pour some luke warm water over it." ..........
LL texts back: "Computer completely fucked now................ whistle:
lol: lol: lol: evil:
Post by: Grumpmeister on November 21, 2019, 05:35:27 PM
LL texts BM on a cold winters morning: "Windows frozen."........
BM text back: "Pour some luke warm water over it." ..........
LL texts back: "Computer completely fucked now................ whistle:
lol: lol: lol: evil:
BM's advice should come with a warning you say... lol:
Post by: Steve on November 22, 2019, 08:09:26 AM
Poor Apey it's sad when the memory goesLL texts BM on a cold winters morning: "Windows frozen."........
BM text back: "Pour some luke warm water over it." ..........
LL texts back: "Computer completely fucked now................ whistle:
lol: lol: lol: evil:
BM's advice should come with a warning you say... lol:
Affs
https://www.virtual-pub.com/SMF/index.php?topic=9750.msg355978#msg355978
Post by: Grumpmeister on November 22, 2019, 06:14:10 PM
Poor Apey it's sad when the memory goesLL texts BM on a cold winters morning: "Windows frozen."........
BM text back: "Pour some luke warm water over it." ..........
LL texts back: "Computer completely fucked now................ whistle:
lol: lol: lol: evil:
BM's advice should come with a warning you say... lol:
Affs
https://www.virtual-pub.com/SMF/index.php?topic=9750.msg355978#msg355978
I know but after the last few reminders I just didn't have the heart to tell him again this time. I don't know if it is him getting old, drinking too much homebrew or just a side effect of being in proximity to Baldymort.. noooo:
Post by: Steve on November 22, 2019, 10:40:34 PM
All of the above?Poor Apey it's sad when the memory goesLL texts BM on a cold winters morning: "Windows frozen."........
BM text back: "Pour some luke warm water over it." ..........
LL texts back: "Computer completely fucked now................ whistle:
lol: lol: lol: evil:
BM's advice should come with a warning you say... lol:
Affs
https://www.virtual-pub.com/SMF/index.php?topic=9750.msg355978#msg355978
I know but after the last few reminders I just didn't have the heart to tell him again this time. I don't know if it is him getting old, drinking too much homebrew or just a side effect of being in proximity to Baldymort.. noooo:
Post by: Grumpmeister on November 23, 2019, 11:10:22 AM
All of the above?Poor Apey it's sad when the memory goesLL texts BM on a cold winters morning: "Windows frozen."........
BM text back: "Pour some luke warm water over it." ..........
LL texts back: "Computer completely fucked now................ whistle:
lol: lol: lol: evil:
BM's advice should come with a warning you say... lol:
Affs
https://www.virtual-pub.com/SMF/index.php?topic=9750.msg355978#msg355978
I know but after the last few reminders I just didn't have the heart to tell him again this time. I don't know if it is him getting old, drinking too much homebrew or just a side effect of being in proximity to Baldymort.. noooo:
Possibly made worse as Nick was over there for a holiday as well, combined Baldymort and Nick-o-rays would be enough to bugger any poor sod... noooo:
Post by: Barman on November 23, 2019, 11:29:56 AM
Arse skin for a friend... redface:
Post by: Grumpmeister on November 23, 2019, 11:44:28 AM
Does anyone know if it is possible to have a skin graft taken from a buttock to donate to somebody that isn't a relative...?
Arse skin for a friend... redface:
Not even Apey would use that joke... noooo:
Post by: apc2010 on November 23, 2019, 05:44:49 PM
Does anyone know if it is possible to have a skin graft taken from a buttock to donate to somebody that isn't a relative...?
Arse skin for a friend... redface:
Not even Apey would use that joke... noooo:
rubschin:
Post by: Grumpmeister on November 24, 2019, 01:32:40 AM
Does anyone know if it is possible to have a skin graft taken from a buttock to donate to somebody that isn't a relative...?
Arse skin for a friend... redface:
Not even Apey would use that joke... noooo:
rubschin:
Ok, Apey's standards are even lower than I thought... whistle:
Post by: Steve on November 24, 2019, 12:44:32 PM
Does anyone know if it is possible to have a skin graft taken from a buttock to donate to somebody that isn't a relative...?lol: lol: lol:
Arse skin for a friend... redface:
Post by: apc2010 on November 28, 2019, 09:14:29 PM
Hands down ....
redface:
Post by: Barman on November 29, 2019, 06:59:11 AM
6.30 is the best time on a clock ....
Hands down ....
redface:
noooo:
Post by: Steve on November 29, 2019, 09:10:15 AM
Post by: Darwins Selection on November 29, 2019, 11:38:30 AM
Post by: Just One More on November 29, 2019, 09:37:04 PM
In the pub for a change👍🏻. Playing Scrabble with some random fella called Midge Ure (WTF!).. Anyway, I've got 4 letters left but they mean nothing to me. O V N R.
Post by: apc2010 on November 29, 2019, 10:02:58 PM
Possibly Affs rubschin:
In the pub for a change👍🏻. Playing Scrabble with some random fella called Midge Ure (WTF!).. Anyway, I've got 4 letters left but they mean nothing to me. O V N R.
;D ;D Thumbs:
Post by: Grumpmeister on November 30, 2019, 12:14:32 AM
Possibly Affs rubschin:
In the pub for a change👍🏻. Playing Scrabble with some random fella called Midge Ure (WTF!).. Anyway, I've got 4 letters left but they mean nothing to me. O V N R.
;D ;D Thumbs:
Steve has been Apey'd... noooo:
Post by: Steve on November 30, 2019, 08:47:07 AM
rubschin: you what?Possibly Affs rubschin:
In the pub for a change👍🏻. Playing Scrabble with some random fella called Midge Ure (WTF!).. Anyway, I've got 4 letters left but they mean nothing to me. O V N R.
;D ;D Thumbs:
Steve has been Apey'd... noooo:
Post by: Steve on November 30, 2019, 08:50:44 AM
Possibly Affs rubschin:lol: lol: lol:
In the pub for a change👍🏻. Playing Scrabble with some random fella called Midge Ure (WTF!).. Anyway, I've got 4 letters left but they mean nothing to me. O V N R.
But sadly yep an Affs, and one of yours https://www.virtual-pub.com/SMF/index.php?topic=6101.msg610641#msg610641
Post by: Just One More on November 30, 2019, 09:15:11 AM
Possibly Affs rubschin:lol: lol: lol:
In the pub for a change👍🏻. Playing Scrabble with some random fella called Midge Ure (WTF!).. Anyway, I've got 4 letters left but they mean nothing to me. O V N R.
But sadly yep an Affs, and one of yours https://www.virtual-pub.com/SMF/index.php?topic=6101.msg610641#msg610641
:thumbsup:
Post by: Steve on November 30, 2019, 09:21:36 AM
Post by: Barman on November 30, 2019, 09:24:44 AM
Possibly Affs rubschin:
In the pub for a change👍🏻. Playing Scrabble with some random fella called Midge Ure (WTF!).. Anyway, I've got 4 letters left but they mean nothing to me. O V N R.
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: apc2010 on December 02, 2019, 07:34:55 PM
(https://i.postimg.cc/0b0TSBYD/77194181-115728336568828-923211599756394496-n.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/0b0TSBYD)
whistle:
Post by: Darwins Selection on December 02, 2019, 11:42:45 PM
lol: lol:
(https://i.postimg.cc/0b0TSBYD/77194181-115728336568828-923211599756394496-n.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/0b0TSBYD)
whistle:
Post by: Barman on December 03, 2019, 06:21:09 AM
lol: lol: lol:lol: lol:
(https://i.postimg.cc/0b0TSBYD/77194181-115728336568828-923211599756394496-n.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/0b0TSBYD)
whistle:
Post by: apc2010 on December 03, 2019, 11:42:37 PM
Waitress....."The men I please is none of your F88king business !! "...... redface:
Post by: Barman on December 04, 2019, 05:50:58 AM
" Can I ask you about the menu please ? " ........
Waitress....."The men I please is none of your F88king business !! "...... redface:
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Steve on December 04, 2019, 07:51:51 AM
lol: lol: lol:" Can I ask you about the menu please ? " ........
Waitress....."The men I please is none of your F88king business !! "...... redface:
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: apc2010 on December 04, 2019, 11:39:01 PM
Every other booze company will advertise it for you .... Thumbs:
Post by: Steve on December 04, 2019, 11:46:23 PM
Start a Beer company called .."Responsibly"......lol: lol: lol: :thumbsup:
Every other booze company will advertise it for you .... Thumbs:
Post by: Barman on December 05, 2019, 07:18:05 AM
Start a Beer company called .."Responsibly"......lol: lol: lol: :thumbsup:
Every other booze company will advertise it for you .... Thumbs:
lol: lol: lol: rubschin:
Post by: Just One More on December 05, 2019, 08:07:51 AM
Start a Beer company called .."Responsibly"......lol: lol: lol: :thumbsup:
Every other booze company will advertise it for you .... Thumbs:
lol: lol: lol: rubschin:
lol: lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Darwins Selection on December 05, 2019, 10:26:02 AM
lol: lol: lol: lol: lol:Start a Beer company called .."Responsibly"......lol: lol: lol: :thumbsup:
Every other booze company will advertise it for you .... Thumbs:
lol: lol: lol: rubschin:
lol: lol: lol: lol:
Post by: apc2010 on December 06, 2019, 11:27:21 PM
(https://i.postimg.cc/Lnvym7wk/78676288-179707133222913-1473537600617709568-n.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/Lnvym7wk)
noooo:
Post by: apc2010 on December 08, 2019, 02:18:21 PM
Asked for songs for Jewish party ....
Answer ...."Weather Girls - Israeli Men "
;D ;D
The PC mob were not impressed ... noooo:
Post by: Steve on December 08, 2019, 02:22:38 PM
On the Dj site ....happy001
Asked for songs for Jewish party ....
Answer ...."Weather Girls - Israeli Men "
;D ;D
The PC mob were not impressed ... noooo:
Post by: Barman on December 08, 2019, 05:11:32 PM
On the Dj site ....happy001
Asked for songs for Jewish party ....
Answer ...."Weather Girls - Israeli Men "
;D ;D
The PC mob were not impressed ... noooo:
happy001 happy001
Post by: apc2010 on December 08, 2019, 05:16:42 PM
On the Dj site ....happy001
Asked for songs for Jewish party ....
Answer ...."Weather Girls - Israeli Men "
;D ;D
The PC mob were not impressed ... noooo:
happy001 happy001
24 hr BAN....... censored:
Post by: Barman on December 09, 2019, 05:57:44 AM
On the Dj site ....happy001
Asked for songs for Jewish party ....
Answer ...."Weather Girls - Israeli Men "
;D ;D
The PC mob were not impressed ... noooo:
happy001 happy001
24 hr BAN....... censored:
point: point: point:
Post by: apc2010 on December 09, 2019, 09:03:05 PM
"A Choir ? ".... rubschin:
" OK , how much is it to acquire a singing group ..? " .... noooo:
(hears BM telling LL .....)....
Post by: Barman on December 10, 2019, 05:30:03 AM
"How much to buy a large singing group ?"
"A Choir ? ".... rubschin:
" OK , how much is it to acquire a singing group ..? " .... noooo:
(hears BM telling LL .....)....
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Steve on December 10, 2019, 10:22:11 AM
lol: lol: lol: lol:"How much to buy a large singing group ?"
"A Choir ? ".... rubschin:
" OK , how much is it to acquire a singing group ..? " .... noooo:
(hears BM telling LL .....)....
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: apc2010 on December 12, 2019, 07:41:57 PM
LIDL donkey ............... Thumbs:
redface:
Post by: Barman on December 12, 2019, 07:50:13 PM
How does Jesus get his shopping home from the supermarket......... rubschin:
LIDL donkey ............... Thumbs:
redface:
happy001
Post by: Steve on December 12, 2019, 09:27:23 PM
lol: lol: lol:How does Jesus get his shopping home from the supermarket......... rubschin:
LIDL donkey ............... Thumbs:
redface:
happy001
Post by: Just One More on December 12, 2019, 09:52:13 PM
I wonder what she's up to now rubschin:
Post by: Barman on December 12, 2019, 09:57:02 PM
I had to split up with my girlfriend because she had an obsession with counting..
I wonder what she's up to now rubschin:
happy001
Post by: apc2010 on December 12, 2019, 10:03:23 PM
I had to split up with my girlfriend because she had an obsession with counting..
I wonder what she's up to now rubschin:
;D ;D ;D
Post by: Steve on December 12, 2019, 10:26:07 PM
lol: lol: lol: lol:I had to split up with my girlfriend because she had an obsession with counting..
I wonder what she's up to now rubschin:
;D ;D ;D
Post by: Darwins Selection on December 12, 2019, 10:49:20 PM
lol: lol: lol: lol: lol:lol: lol: lol: lol:I had to split up with my girlfriend because she had an obsession with counting..
I wonder what she's up to now rubschin:
;D ;D ;D
Post by: apc2010 on December 12, 2019, 10:59:39 PM
(https://i.postimg.cc/9444RYs4/79681571-3510451335632487-8252438552961351680-n.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/9444RYs4)
redface:
Post by: Barman on December 12, 2019, 11:01:11 PM
(https://i.postimg.cc/9444RYs4/79681571-3510451335632487-8252438552961351680-n.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/9444RYs4)
redface:
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Just One More on December 13, 2019, 05:55:07 PM
(https://i.postimg.cc/9444RYs4/79681571-3510451335632487-8252438552961351680-n.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/9444RYs4)
redface:
lol: lol: lol:
lol: lol: lol: lol:
Post by: apc2010 on December 13, 2019, 09:13:08 PM
Pun in , ten dead ........
redface: redface: noooo:
Post by: Darwins Selection on December 13, 2019, 09:58:52 PM
lol: lol: lol: lol: lol:
(https://i.postimg.cc/9444RYs4/79681571-3510451335632487-8252438552961351680-n.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/9444RYs4)
redface:
lol: lol: lol:
lol: lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Steve on December 13, 2019, 10:07:00 PM
Pun enters a room kills 10 people .........lol: lol: lol:
Pun in , ten dead ........
redface: redface: noooo:
Post by: Barman on December 14, 2019, 07:40:40 AM
lol: lol: lol: lol:Pun enters a room kills 10 people .........lol: lol: lol:
Pun in , ten dead ........
redface: redface: noooo:
Post by: Darwins Selection on December 14, 2019, 11:11:16 AM
lol: lol: lol: lol: lol:lol: lol: lol: lol:Pun enters a room kills 10 people .........lol: lol: lol:
Pun in , ten dead ........
redface: redface: noooo:
Post by: apc2010 on December 15, 2019, 07:24:50 PM
(https://i.postimg.cc/06p3xMbX/sea-mine.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/06p3xMbX)
noooo: redface:
Post by: Barman on December 15, 2019, 07:55:04 PM
(https://i.postimg.cc/06p3xMbX/sea-mine.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/06p3xMbX)
noooo: redface:
;D
Post by: apc2010 on December 16, 2019, 12:19:56 AM
Not because she had a red nose,.................................................................
Because she used to go down in History......... redface:
Post by: apc2010 on December 16, 2019, 01:25:02 AM
I personally think their days are numbered ..... rubschin:
Post by: Barman on December 16, 2019, 05:42:13 AM
A friend asked if I thought Advent calenders would be around in ten years ?........ rubschin:
I personally think their days are numbered ..... rubschin:
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Steve on December 16, 2019, 09:55:35 AM
Post by: Darwins Selection on December 16, 2019, 10:01:47 AM
lol: lol: lol: lol:A friend asked if I thought Advent calenders would be around in ten years ?........ rubschin:
I personally think their days are numbered ..... rubschin:
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: apc2010 on December 16, 2019, 08:35:22 PM
(https://i.postimg.cc/sMRN9P2T/Solder.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/sMRN9P2T)
rubschin:
Post by: Steve on December 16, 2019, 08:59:35 PM
Post by: Just One More on December 16, 2019, 10:36:46 PM
The sex is great but it isn't easy getting her husband’s voice right
Post by: Steve on December 16, 2019, 10:38:24 PM
I'm having regular sex with a blind woman.lol: lol: lol: redface:
The sex is great but it isn't easy getting her husband’s voice right
Post by: apc2010 on December 16, 2019, 10:53:36 PM
I'm having regular sex with a blind woman.
The sex is great but it isn't easy getting her husband’s voice right
;D ;D Thumbs:
Post by: apc2010 on December 16, 2019, 11:56:44 PM
Pirate .."When someone takes the P..... "
redface:
Post by: Steve on December 17, 2019, 05:44:44 AM
Me...What makes you angry,...????lol: lol: lol: very clever
Pirate .."When someone takes the P..... "
redface:
Post by: Barman on December 17, 2019, 06:03:49 AM
Me...What makes you angry,...????lol: lol: lol: very clever
Pirate .."When someone takes the P..... "
redface:
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Just One More on December 17, 2019, 06:43:55 AM
lol: lol: lol: lol:A friend asked if I thought Advent calenders would be around in ten years ?........ rubschin:
I personally think their days are numbered ..... rubschin:
lol: lol: lol:
lol: lol: lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Just One More on December 17, 2019, 09:26:53 PM
It's about time
Post by: Steve on December 17, 2019, 09:29:41 PM
My book about clocks has finally arrived!drumroll:
It's about time
Post by: apc2010 on December 17, 2019, 10:03:48 PM
My book about clocks has finally arrived!drumroll:
It's about time
;D ;D ;D
Post by: apc2010 on December 17, 2019, 10:15:56 PM
He saw me looking at him, and he gave me this belligerent stare. I thought to myself, that’s a little condescending.............
redface: redface:
Post by: Steve on December 17, 2019, 11:19:19 PM
Walking past the local prison, I saw a midget escaping, climbing down a rope on the outside wall..........happy001
He saw me looking at him, and he gave me this belligerent stare. I thought to myself, that’s a little condescending.............
redface: redface:
Post by: Barman on December 18, 2019, 04:50:31 AM
My book about clocks has finally arrived!
It's about time
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Darwins Selection on December 18, 2019, 04:12:23 PM
happy001 happy001Walking past the local prison, I saw a midget escaping, climbing down a rope on the outside wall..........happy001
He saw me looking at him, and he gave me this belligerent stare. I thought to myself, that’s a little condescending.............
redface: redface:
Post by: Barman on December 18, 2019, 04:23:15 PM
happy001 happy001 happy001happy001 happy001Walking past the local prison, I saw a midget escaping, climbing down a rope on the outside wall..........happy001
He saw me looking at him, and he gave me this belligerent stare. I thought to myself, that’s a little condescending.............
redface: redface:
Post by: Just One More on December 18, 2019, 05:13:52 PM
happy001 happy001 happy001happy001 happy001Walking past the local prison, I saw a midget escaping, climbing down a rope on the outside wall..........happy001
He saw me looking at him, and he gave me this belligerent stare. I thought to myself, that’s a little condescending.............
redface: redface:
happy001 happy001 happy001 happy001
Post by: apc2010 on December 18, 2019, 08:11:37 PM
redface: redface:
Post by: Barman on December 18, 2019, 08:17:53 PM
It's that time of the year again when all the dyslexic kids start texting SATAN......
redface: redface:
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: apc2010 on December 18, 2019, 11:19:27 PM
"No Son".......
rubschin:
Post by: Barman on December 19, 2019, 06:24:52 AM
"Dad, can you tell me what a solar eclipse is ? "
"No Son".......
rubschin:
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Steve on December 19, 2019, 11:54:00 AM
lol: lol: lol: lol:"Dad, can you tell me what a solar eclipse is ? "
"No Son".......
rubschin:
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: apc2010 on December 19, 2019, 06:17:19 PM
Post by: Barman on December 19, 2019, 06:21:20 PM
All the good chemistry jokes Argon......... rubschin:
drumroll:
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Steve on December 19, 2019, 06:55:27 PM
lol: lol: lol: lol:All the good chemistry jokes Argon......... rubschin:
drumroll:
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: apc2010 on December 20, 2019, 07:08:47 PM
I see a lot of new faces today .."............ redface:
Post by: Steve on December 20, 2019, 07:14:15 PM
"Welcome back to plastic surgery anonymous .......lol: lol: lol:
I see a lot of new faces today .."............ redface:
Post by: Barman on December 20, 2019, 08:01:25 PM
lol: lol: lol: lol:"Welcome back to plastic surgery anonymous .......lol: lol: lol:
I see a lot of new faces today .."............ redface:
Post by: Just One More on December 20, 2019, 08:23:40 PM
lol: lol: lol: lol:"Welcome back to plastic surgery anonymous .......lol: lol: lol:
I see a lot of new faces today .."............ redface:
lol: lol: lol: lol: lol:
Post by: apc2010 on December 20, 2019, 10:43:25 PM
Post by: Darwins Selection on December 20, 2019, 11:10:53 PM
lol: lol: lol: lol: lol: lol:lol: lol: lol: lol:"Welcome back to plastic surgery anonymous .......lol: lol: lol:
I see a lot of new faces today .."............ redface:
lol: lol: lol: lol: lol:
Post by: apc2010 on December 20, 2019, 11:35:17 PM
(https://i.postimg.cc/S2gjwgxh/79834849-10156695225425965-6048655039126306816-o.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/S2gjwgxh)
whistle:
Post by: Steve on December 20, 2019, 11:52:22 PM
lol:
(https://i.postimg.cc/S2gjwgxh/79834849-10156695225425965-6048655039126306816-o.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/S2gjwgxh)
whistle:
Post by: Barman on December 21, 2019, 05:54:03 AM
(https://i.postimg.cc/S2gjwgxh/79834849-10156695225425965-6048655039126306816-o.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/S2gjwgxh)
whistle:
lol: lol: lol:
Lucky they weren't throwing Raspberry Pi - small but sharp! scared2:
Post by: Grumpmeister on December 21, 2019, 06:40:52 AM
(https://i.postimg.cc/S2gjwgxh/79834849-10156695225425965-6048655039126306816-o.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/S2gjwgxh)
whistle:
lol: lol: lol:
Lucky they weren't throwing Raspberry Pi - small but sharp! scared2:
So how many times have you managed to injure yourself with yours......? whistle:
Post by: Barman on December 21, 2019, 06:43:16 AM
(https://i.postimg.cc/S2gjwgxh/79834849-10156695225425965-6048655039126306816-o.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/S2gjwgxh)
whistle:
lol: lol: lol:
Lucky they weren't throwing Raspberry Pi - small but sharp! scared2:
So how many times have you managed to injure yourself with yours......? whistle:
rubschin:
None... yet... redface:
Post by: Just One More on December 21, 2019, 01:11:52 PM
Post by: Barman on December 21, 2019, 02:29:18 PM
I once met David Beckham on a train coming into Victoria
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: apc2010 on December 21, 2019, 08:22:30 PM
A pack of playing cards it is then............ Thumbs:
Post by: apc2010 on December 21, 2019, 08:23:52 PM
I think he's losing the plot..................!!
redface:
Post by: Barman on December 21, 2019, 08:25:27 PM
Miss T just told me she doesn't care what she gets for Christmas this year "just make sure it's got diamonds in it" she said.......... rubschin:
A pack of playing cards it is then............ Thumbs:
Or a cutting wheel! :thumbsup:
Post by: apc2010 on December 21, 2019, 10:26:42 PM
So I tried that last night, but their constant crying and whining kept me awake......
All the “I’m afraid of the dark” or “I don't like it up here - there are spiders” really got on my nerves.............
Any other suggestions....... rubschin:
Post by: Steve on December 21, 2019, 11:36:02 PM
My children keep finding their Christmas presents that I’ve hidden around the house. Someone suggested that I should just keep them in the loft........... Thumbs:lol: lol: lol:
So I tried that last night, but their constant crying and whining kept me awake......
All the “I’m afraid of the dark” or “I don't like it up here - there are spiders” really got on my nerves.............
Any other suggestions....... rubschin:
Post by: apc2010 on December 22, 2019, 12:03:37 AM
It;s a gift ....... redface:
Post by: Barman on December 22, 2019, 05:28:07 AM
I have a superpower ...I can see inside wrapped presents ....... Thumbs:
It;s a gift ....... redface:
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Just One More on December 22, 2019, 08:15:31 AM
My children keep finding their Christmas presents that I’ve hidden around the house. Someone suggested that I should just keep them in the loft........... Thumbs:lol: lol: lol:
So I tried that last night, but their constant crying and whining kept me awake......
All the “I’m afraid of the dark” or “I don't like it up here - there are spiders” really got on my nerves.............
Any other suggestions....... rubschin:
lol: lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Barman on December 22, 2019, 08:33:09 AM
lol: lol: lol: lol: lol:My children keep finding their Christmas presents that I’ve hidden around the house. Someone suggested that I should just keep them in the loft........... Thumbs:lol: lol: lol:
So I tried that last night, but their constant crying and whining kept me awake......
All the “I’m afraid of the dark” or “I don't like it up here - there are spiders” really got on my nerves.............
Any other suggestions....... rubschin:
lol: lol: lol: lol:
Post by: apc2010 on December 22, 2019, 05:39:02 PM
Johnny: "Mississippi."...........
Teacher: "No, I need to speak to you, you speccy twat!"........... whistle:
Post by: Barman on December 22, 2019, 06:12:36 PM
Teacher: "I want a word with four 'I's."............
Johnny: "Mississippi."...........
Teacher: "No, I need to speak to you, you speccy twat!"........... whistle:
happy001
Took me a moment... redface:
Post by: Just One More on December 22, 2019, 06:45:46 PM
Teacher: "I want a word with four 'I's."............
Johnny: "Mississippi."...........
Teacher: "No, I need to speak to you, you speccy twat!"........... whistle:
happy001 happy001
Post by: Steve on December 22, 2019, 10:04:22 PM
lol: lol: lol:Teacher: "I want a word with four 'I's."............
Johnny: "Mississippi."...........
Teacher: "No, I need to speak to you, you speccy twat!"........... whistle:
happy001 happy001
Post by: Darwins Selection on December 22, 2019, 11:35:04 PM
lol: lol: lol: lol:lol: lol: lol:Teacher: "I want a word with four 'I's."............
Johnny: "Mississippi."...........
Teacher: "No, I need to speak to you, you speccy twat!"........... whistle:
happy001 happy001
Post by: apc2010 on December 23, 2019, 04:20:52 PM
Bob...Why ? shampoo companies do it all the time ..?........ rubschin:
Boss....."But we make hammers "...... redface:
Post by: Grumpmeister on December 23, 2019, 04:29:46 PM
Boss..."We need to stop testing our products on animals ".......
Bob...Why ? shampoo companies do it all the time ..?........ rubschin:
Boss....."But we make hammers "...... redface:
https://youtu.be/saY10AWXLIY
rubschin:
Post by: Barman on December 23, 2019, 04:39:17 PM
Boss..."We need to stop testing our products on animals ".......
Bob...Why ? shampoo companies do it all the time ..?........ rubschin:
Boss....."But we make hammers "...... redface:
happy001
Post by: Steve on December 23, 2019, 07:59:13 PM
happy001 happy001Boss..."We need to stop testing our products on animals ".......
Bob...Why ? shampoo companies do it all the time ..?........ rubschin:
Boss....."But we make hammers "...... redface:
happy001
Post by: Just One More on December 27, 2019, 09:57:27 AM
(https://i.postimg.cc/rKpdMRHk/earache-in-out.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/rKpdMRHk)
Post by: Barman on December 27, 2019, 09:59:57 AM
(https://i.postimg.cc/rKpdMRHk/earache-in-out.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/rKpdMRHk)
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Steve on December 27, 2019, 01:33:18 PM
lol: lol: lol: lol:
(https://i.postimg.cc/rKpdMRHk/earache-in-out.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/rKpdMRHk)
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: apc2010 on December 27, 2019, 08:04:24 PM
"I doubt it, Mercury is in Uranus right now "
"I don't do that astrology crap "...
" Me neither , my thermometer just broke .." ......... redface:
Post by: Barman on December 27, 2019, 08:10:07 PM
"Will I be OK Doc " ...???
"I doubt it, Mercury is in Uranus right now "
"I don't do that astrology crap "...
" Me neither , my thermometer just broke .." ......... redface:
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Steve on December 27, 2019, 08:35:54 PM
lol: lol: lol: lol:"Will I be OK Doc " ...???
"I doubt it, Mercury is in Uranus right now "
"I don't do that astrology crap "...
" Me neither , my thermometer just broke .." ......... redface:
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Darwins Selection on December 27, 2019, 11:03:25 PM
lol: lol: lol: lol: lol:lol: lol: lol: lol:
(https://i.postimg.cc/rKpdMRHk/earache-in-out.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/rKpdMRHk)
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Darwins Selection on December 27, 2019, 11:04:19 PM
lol: lol: lol: lol: lol:lol: lol: lol: lol:"Will I be OK Doc " ...???
"I doubt it, Mercury is in Uranus right now "
"I don't do that astrology crap "...
" Me neither , my thermometer just broke .." ......... redface:
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: apc2010 on December 29, 2019, 06:35:55 PM
He wakes up as he's being rushed through the hospital on a gurney by two nurses.
"Am I in heaven?" asks the disoriented priest............. rubschin:
"No" says one of the nurses.......................
"We're just taking a short cut through the children's ward.".............. redface:
Post by: Steve on December 29, 2019, 11:53:06 PM
A priest has a heart attack, and is rushed to the hospital..........lol: lol: lol:
He wakes up as he's being rushed through the hospital on a gurney by two nurses.
"Am I in heaven?" asks the disoriented priest............. rubschin:
"No" says one of the nurses.......................
"We're just taking a short cut through the children's ward.".............. redface:
Post by: Barman on December 30, 2019, 06:45:36 AM
A priest has a heart attack, and is rushed to the hospital..........
He wakes up as he's being rushed through the hospital on a gurney by two nurses.
"Am I in heaven?" asks the disoriented priest............. rubschin:
"No" says one of the nurses.......................
"We're just taking a short cut through the children's ward.".............. redface:
happy002
Post by: Just One More on December 30, 2019, 08:22:26 AM
A priest has a heart attack, and is rushed to the hospital..........lol: lol: lol:
He wakes up as he's being rushed through the hospital on a gurney by two nurses.
"Am I in heaven?" asks the disoriented priest............. rubschin:
"No" says one of the nurses.......................
"We're just taking a short cut through the children's ward.".............. redface:
lol: lol: lol: lol:
Post by: apc2010 on January 01, 2020, 01:31:52 AM
Post by: Barman on January 01, 2020, 06:30:19 AM
Accordion to a recent survey, 95% of people won't notice if you replace a word with a musical instrument............ rubschin:
lol: lol: lol: redface:
Post by: Darwins Selection on January 01, 2020, 12:26:31 PM
lol: lol: lol: lol:Accordion to a recent survey, 95% of people won't notice if you replace a word with a musical instrument............ rubschin:
lol: lol: lol: redface:
I saw that on Youtuba
Post by: Barman on January 01, 2020, 12:39:04 PM
lol: lol: lol: lol:Accordion to a recent survey, 95% of people won't notice if you replace a word with a musical instrument............ rubschin:
lol: lol: lol: redface:
I saw that on Youtuba
drumroll:
happy001
Post by: Steve on January 01, 2020, 01:01:07 PM
lol: lol: lol: lol: redface:Accordion to a recent survey, 95% of people won't notice if you replace a word with a musical instrument............ rubschin:
lol: lol: lol: redface:
Post by: Steve on January 01, 2020, 01:01:34 PM
happy001 happy001lol: lol: lol: lol:Accordion to a recent survey, 95% of people won't notice if you replace a word with a musical instrument............ rubschin:
lol: lol: lol: redface:
I saw that on Youtuba
drumroll:
happy001
Post by: Grumpmeister on January 01, 2020, 01:54:47 PM
lol: lol: lol: lol:Accordion to a recent survey, 95% of people won't notice if you replace a word with a musical instrument............ rubschin:
lol: lol: lol: redface:
I saw that on Youtuba
Oboe you didn't...
Post by: Just One More on January 01, 2020, 03:31:47 PM
happy001 happy001lol: lol: lol: lol:Accordion to a recent survey, 95% of people won't notice if you replace a word with a musical instrument............ rubschin:
lol: lol: lol: redface:
I saw that on Youtuba
drumroll:
happy001
happy001 happy001 happy001
Post by: apc2010 on January 01, 2020, 05:30:50 PM
lol: lol: lol: lol:Accordion to a recent survey, 95% of people won't notice if you replace a word with a musical instrument............ rubschin:
lol: lol: lol: redface:
I saw that on Youtuba
;D ;D Thumbs: Thumbs:
Post by: apc2010 on January 02, 2020, 08:42:54 PM
You neeed to see a Cairo-practor.......... redface:
Post by: Steve on January 02, 2020, 09:06:52 PM
Post by: Barman on January 03, 2020, 07:28:10 AM
tunble:tunble: tunble:
Post by: apc2010 on January 03, 2020, 06:03:35 PM
(https://i.postimg.cc/RNs3f785/X-box.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/RNs3f785)
Thumbs:
Post by: apc2010 on January 03, 2020, 06:14:52 PM
I' ve scoured the radio times and cant see it on any channel, even the shit ones like UK gold......... rubschin:
Post by: Steve on January 03, 2020, 06:47:49 PM
lol: lol: lol:
(https://i.postimg.cc/RNs3f785/X-box.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/RNs3f785)
Thumbs:
Post by: Darwins Selection on January 03, 2020, 07:42:55 PM
lol: lol: lol: lol:lol: lol: lol:
(https://i.postimg.cc/RNs3f785/X-box.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/RNs3f785)
Thumbs:
Post by: apc2010 on January 03, 2020, 08:56:15 PM
Just because I refused to work on a Sundae.............. noooo:
redface:
Post by: Barman on January 03, 2020, 08:58:48 PM
I was sacked from the ice cream factory...
Just because I refused to work on a Sundae.............. noooo:
redface:
tunble:
Post by: Steve on January 03, 2020, 09:09:42 PM
tunble: tunble:I was sacked from the ice cream factory...
Just because I refused to work on a Sundae.............. noooo:
redface:
tunble:
Post by: apc2010 on January 05, 2020, 09:02:04 PM
(https://i.postimg.cc/G4yxrLyt/C-brown.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/G4yxrLyt)
noooo:
Post by: Steve on January 05, 2020, 09:04:05 PM
lol: lol: lol:
(https://i.postimg.cc/G4yxrLyt/C-brown.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/G4yxrLyt)
noooo:
Post by: Barman on January 06, 2020, 05:46:22 AM
lol: lol: lol: lol:lol: lol: lol:
(https://i.postimg.cc/G4yxrLyt/C-brown.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/G4yxrLyt)
noooo:
Post by: Just One More on January 06, 2020, 05:55:08 AM
lol: lol: lol: lol:lol: lol: lol:
(https://i.postimg.cc/G4yxrLyt/C-brown.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/G4yxrLyt)
noooo:
lol: lol: lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Grumpmeister on January 06, 2020, 03:15:36 PM
lol: lol: lol: lol:lol: lol: lol:
(https://i.postimg.cc/G4yxrLyt/C-brown.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/G4yxrLyt)
noooo:
lol: lol: lol: lol: lol:
lol: lol: lol: lol: lol: lol:
It was only later when he saw the photos that TMR swore never to get drunk around the smuggers again.... whistle:
Post by: apc2010 on January 06, 2020, 07:41:54 PM
(https://i.postimg.cc/RW0C6ypw/Slag.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/RW0C6ypw)
redface:
Post by: Barman on January 06, 2020, 07:45:27 PM
(https://i.postimg.cc/RW0C6ypw/Slag.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/RW0C6ypw)
redface:
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Steve on January 06, 2020, 08:39:45 PM
lol: lol: lol: lol:
(https://i.postimg.cc/RW0C6ypw/Slag.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/RW0C6ypw)
redface:
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: apc2010 on January 08, 2020, 12:01:15 AM
(https://i.postimg.cc/wRMTq82V/Tennis.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/wRMTq82V)
noooo:
Post by: apc2010 on January 08, 2020, 12:57:24 AM
Because I'm obsessed with The Wizard of Oz........... redface:
Post by: Barman on January 08, 2020, 06:01:08 AM
(https://i.postimg.cc/wRMTq82V/Tennis.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/wRMTq82V)
noooo:
noooo: noooo:
Post by: Barman on January 08, 2020, 06:01:24 AM
My wife left me because because because because because.......
Because I'm obsessed with The Wizard of Oz........... redface:
noooo:
Post by: Steve on January 08, 2020, 10:05:17 AM
noooo: noooo: noooo:
(https://i.postimg.cc/wRMTq82V/Tennis.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/wRMTq82V)
noooo:
noooo: noooo:
Post by: Steve on January 08, 2020, 10:05:55 AM
lol: lol: lol:My wife left me because because because because because.......
Because I'm obsessed with The Wizard of Oz........... redface:
noooo:
Post by: Barman on January 09, 2020, 11:53:14 AM
(https://i.postimg.cc/qzY4TJt3/81272496-2586831111546064-988476960713736192-n.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/qzY4TJt3)
Post by: apc2010 on January 09, 2020, 09:56:25 PM
Police say "There's no easy way to tell his family".......... whistle:
Post by: Barman on January 10, 2020, 07:30:12 AM
A man was run over by a red lorry, then a yellow lorry, then another red one.......
Police say "There's no easy way to tell his family".......... whistle:
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: apc2010 on January 10, 2020, 11:44:10 PM
But it went off before I could eat it................ evil:
Post by: Grumpmeister on January 11, 2020, 12:18:04 AM
Snagged the neighbour's bag of rocket salad today,....................
But it went off before I could eat it................ evil:
:thumbsup:
Post by: Barman on January 11, 2020, 07:29:26 AM
Bought a bag of rocket salad today,....................
But it went off before I could eat it................ evil:
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Just One More on January 11, 2020, 08:19:54 AM
Bought a bag of rocket salad today,....................
But it went off before I could eat it................ evil:
lol: lol: lol:
lol: lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Just One More on January 11, 2020, 09:02:24 AM
Post by: Barman on January 11, 2020, 09:37:11 AM
Of all the utensils invented to eat rice - How the fuck did two little sticks win?
lol: lol: lol: rubschin:
Post by: Steve on January 11, 2020, 10:43:33 AM
lol: lol: lol: lol: rubschin: rubschin:Of all the utensils invented to eat rice - How the fuck did two little sticks win?
lol: lol: lol: rubschin:
Post by: apc2010 on January 12, 2020, 10:31:24 PM
All he did was take a day off... noooo:
Post by: Steve on January 12, 2020, 10:34:30 PM
A chap I know got sacked from his job at the calendar factory...lol: lol: lol:
All he did was take a day off... noooo:
Post by: apc2010 on January 13, 2020, 01:17:23 AM
(https://i.postimg.cc/p5hNGpQg/Fatty.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/p5hNGpQg)
noooo:
Post by: apc2010 on January 13, 2020, 01:24:37 AM
(https://i.postimg.cc/Yjkbd4Rg/Boxed.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/Yjkbd4Rg)
Thumbs:
Post by: Just One More on January 13, 2020, 06:44:21 AM
A chap I know got sacked from his job at the calendar factory...lol: lol: lol:
All he did was take a day off... noooo:
lol: lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Just One More on January 13, 2020, 06:45:52 AM
(https://i.postimg.cc/p5hNGpQg/Fatty.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/p5hNGpQg)
noooo:
lol:
Post by: Just One More on January 13, 2020, 06:46:25 AM
(https://i.postimg.cc/Yjkbd4Rg/Boxed.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/Yjkbd4Rg)
Thumbs:
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Barman on January 13, 2020, 06:51:32 AM
A chap I know got sacked from his job at the calendar factory...
All he did was take a day off... noooo:
drumroll:
Post by: Barman on January 13, 2020, 06:52:04 AM
lol: lol: lol: lol:
(https://i.postimg.cc/Yjkbd4Rg/Boxed.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/Yjkbd4Rg)
Thumbs:
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Steve on January 13, 2020, 11:19:37 AM
lol: lol:
(https://i.postimg.cc/p5hNGpQg/Fatty.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/p5hNGpQg)
noooo:
lol:
Post by: Steve on January 13, 2020, 11:20:30 AM
lol: lol: lol: lol: lol:lol: lol: lol: lol:
(https://i.postimg.cc/Yjkbd4Rg/Boxed.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/Yjkbd4Rg)
Thumbs:
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: apc2010 on January 13, 2020, 10:08:23 PM
(https://i.postimg.cc/cgvTkCq2/nip.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/cgvTkCq2)
rubschin:
Post by: Steve on January 13, 2020, 10:36:43 PM
lol: lol:
(https://i.postimg.cc/cgvTkCq2/nip.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/cgvTkCq2)
rubschin:
Post by: Darwins Selection on January 13, 2020, 11:08:29 PM
lol: lol: lol:lol: lol:
(https://i.postimg.cc/cgvTkCq2/nip.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/cgvTkCq2)
rubschin:
Post by: Barman on January 14, 2020, 05:31:43 AM
lol: lol: lol: lol:lol: lol: lol:lol: lol:
(https://i.postimg.cc/cgvTkCq2/nip.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/cgvTkCq2)
rubschin:
Post by: Just One More on January 14, 2020, 06:25:28 AM
lol: lol: lol: lol:lol: lol: lol:lol: lol:
(https://i.postimg.cc/cgvTkCq2/nip.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/cgvTkCq2)
rubschin:
lol: lol: lol: lol: lol:
Post by: apc2010 on January 18, 2020, 05:28:29 PM
Stirling Moss, Lewis Hamilton, Eddie Irvine.......Ayr Town Centre... redface:
Post by: Steve on January 18, 2020, 09:31:17 PM
Have you noticed how many F1 drivers have names linked to Scottish towns?..lol: lol: lol:
Stirling Moss, Lewis Hamilton, Eddie Irvine.......Ayr Town Centre... redface:
Post by: Barman on January 19, 2020, 08:01:29 AM
lol: lol: lol: lol:Have you noticed how many F1 drivers have names linked to Scottish towns?..lol: lol: lol:
Stirling Moss, Lewis Hamilton, Eddie Irvine.......Ayr Town Centre... redface:
Post by: Darwins Selection on January 21, 2020, 01:53:39 AM
lol: lol: lol: lol: lol:lol: lol: lol: lol:Have you noticed how many F1 drivers have names linked to Scottish towns?..lol: lol: lol:
Stirling Moss, Lewis Hamilton, Eddie Irvine.......Ayr Town Centre... redface:
Post by: apc2010 on January 23, 2020, 10:02:35 AM
"anything" doesn't include getting stuck in traffic....... noooo:
Post by: Barman on January 23, 2020, 10:59:41 AM
Apparently if your girlfriend or wife ever says "if anything happens to me, I want you to meet someone new"............... Thumbs:
"anything" doesn't include getting stuck in traffic....... noooo:
happy001
Post by: Steve on January 23, 2020, 12:56:18 PM
lol: lol: lol:Apparently if your girlfriend or wife ever says "if anything happens to me, I want you to meet someone new"............... Thumbs:
"anything" doesn't include getting stuck in traffic....... noooo:
happy001
Post by: Just One More on January 23, 2020, 07:59:44 PM
lol: lol: lol:Apparently if your girlfriend or wife ever says "if anything happens to me, I want you to meet someone new"............... Thumbs:
"anything" doesn't include getting stuck in traffic....... noooo:
happy001
lol: lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Darwins Selection on January 23, 2020, 11:16:20 PM
lol: lol: lol: lol: lol:lol: lol: lol:Apparently if your girlfriend or wife ever says "if anything happens to me, I want you to meet someone new"............... Thumbs:
"anything" doesn't include getting stuck in traffic....... noooo:
happy001
lol: lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Steve on January 25, 2020, 02:11:23 PM
The waiter wheeled over a trolley with a large tank full of various species, and the man examined the dishes.
"I'll have the little green squid with the hairy lip, please" said the man. "An excellent choice, they have a delicate, mild flavour." replied the waiter and called out "Gervais!"
A little French chef appeared with a large knife, the waiter instructed the chef to kill the little green squid with the hairy lip. Gervais was just about to slice at the poor squid when he noticed a tear running down its face. Gervais is touched, and admitted that he hadn't the heart to kill the squid.
"Not to worry" says the waiter, and called out "Hans!!" at which an enormous German bloke came out of the kitchen. "Sir", said the waiter, "This is Hans, the dishwasher. Hans kill that little green squid with the hairy lip!"
The dishwasher wielded a huge rolling pin and was just about to bludgeon the little green squid with the hairy lip when it cringed back and gave a little cry. "I am sorry sir, I just cannot kill the squid" Hans admitted, his lower lip trembling.
"Well sir," said the waiter, "it just shows......
That Hans that do dishes, can be soft as Gervais, with mild green, hairy lip squid!".
I'll get me coat.
Post by: Barman on January 25, 2020, 02:19:21 PM
A guy went into a French seafood restaurant and asked to see the dishes of the day.
The waiter wheeled over a trolley with a large tank full of various species, and the man examined the dishes.
"I'll have the little green squid with the hairy lip, please" said the man. "An excellent choice, they have a delicate, mild flavour." replied the waiter and called out "Gervais!"
A little French chef appeared with a large knife, the waiter instructed the chef to kill the little green squid with the hairy lip. Gervais was just about to slice at the poor squid when he noticed a tear running down its face. Gervais is touched, and admitted that he hadn't the heart to kill the squid.
"Not to worry" says the waiter, and called out "Hans!!" at which an enormous German bloke came out of the kitchen. "Sir", said the waiter, "This is Hans, the dishwasher. Hans kill that little green squid with the hairy lip!"
The dishwasher wielded a huge rolling pin and was just about to bludgeon the little green squid with the hairy lip when it cringed back and gave a little cry. "I am sorry sir, I just cannot kill the squid" Hans admitted, his lower lip trembling.
"Well sir," said the waiter, "it just shows......
That Hans that do dishes, can be soft as Gervais, with mild green, hairy lip squid!".
I'll get me coat.
I can't believe we haven't had that one on here before... rubschin:
Post by: Steve on January 25, 2020, 02:32:57 PM
angel1 same here but I checked and seems notA guy went into a French seafood restaurant and asked to see the dishes of the day.
The waiter wheeled over a trolley with a large tank full of various species, and the man examined the dishes.
"I'll have the little green squid with the hairy lip, please" said the man. "An excellent choice, they have a delicate, mild flavour." replied the waiter and called out "Gervais!"
A little French chef appeared with a large knife, the waiter instructed the chef to kill the little green squid with the hairy lip. Gervais was just about to slice at the poor squid when he noticed a tear running down its face. Gervais is touched, and admitted that he hadn't the heart to kill the squid.
"Not to worry" says the waiter, and called out "Hans!!" at which an enormous German bloke came out of the kitchen. "Sir", said the waiter, "This is Hans, the dishwasher. Hans kill that little green squid with the hairy lip!"
The dishwasher wielded a huge rolling pin and was just about to bludgeon the little green squid with the hairy lip when it cringed back and gave a little cry. "I am sorry sir, I just cannot kill the squid" Hans admitted, his lower lip trembling.
"Well sir," said the waiter, "it just shows......
That Hans that do dishes, can be soft as Gervais, with mild green, hairy lip squid!".
I'll get me coat.
I can't believe we haven't had that one on here before... rubschin:
Post by: Barman on January 25, 2020, 02:48:23 PM
angel1 same here but I checked and seems notA guy went into a French seafood restaurant and asked to see the dishes of the day.
The waiter wheeled over a trolley with a large tank full of various species, and the man examined the dishes.
"I'll have the little green squid with the hairy lip, please" said the man. "An excellent choice, they have a delicate, mild flavour." replied the waiter and called out "Gervais!"
A little French chef appeared with a large knife, the waiter instructed the chef to kill the little green squid with the hairy lip. Gervais was just about to slice at the poor squid when he noticed a tear running down its face. Gervais is touched, and admitted that he hadn't the heart to kill the squid.
"Not to worry" says the waiter, and called out "Hans!!" at which an enormous German bloke came out of the kitchen. "Sir", said the waiter, "This is Hans, the dishwasher. Hans kill that little green squid with the hairy lip!"
The dishwasher wielded a huge rolling pin and was just about to bludgeon the little green squid with the hairy lip when it cringed back and gave a little cry. "I am sorry sir, I just cannot kill the squid" Hans admitted, his lower lip trembling.
"Well sir," said the waiter, "it just shows......
That Hans that do dishes, can be soft as Gervais, with mild green, hairy lip squid!".
I'll get me coat.
I can't believe we haven't had that one on here before... rubschin:
Search engine could be buggerated...? rubschin:
Post by: Steve on January 25, 2020, 02:58:02 PM
I'll let some other mug manually look through the 668,727 posts then and if I'm still alive when/if they find it's an Affs I'll say sozangel1 same here but I checked and seems notA guy went into a French seafood restaurant and asked to see the dishes of the day.
The waiter wheeled over a trolley with a large tank full of various species, and the man examined the dishes.
"I'll have the little green squid with the hairy lip, please" said the man. "An excellent choice, they have a delicate, mild flavour." replied the waiter and called out "Gervais!"
A little French chef appeared with a large knife, the waiter instructed the chef to kill the little green squid with the hairy lip. Gervais was just about to slice at the poor squid when he noticed a tear running down its face. Gervais is touched, and admitted that he hadn't the heart to kill the squid.
"Not to worry" says the waiter, and called out "Hans!!" at which an enormous German bloke came out of the kitchen. "Sir", said the waiter, "This is Hans, the dishwasher. Hans kill that little green squid with the hairy lip!"
The dishwasher wielded a huge rolling pin and was just about to bludgeon the little green squid with the hairy lip when it cringed back and gave a little cry. "I am sorry sir, I just cannot kill the squid" Hans admitted, his lower lip trembling.
"Well sir," said the waiter, "it just shows......
That Hans that do dishes, can be soft as Gervais, with mild green, hairy lip squid!".
I'll get me coat.
I can't believe we haven't had that one on here before... rubschin:
Search engine could be buggerated...? rubschin:
Seems a fair offer
Post by: apc2010 on January 25, 2020, 08:10:16 PM
..... I wasn't keen at first but I had my arm twisted............. whistle:
Post by: Steve on January 25, 2020, 09:41:12 PM
I'm holding a joint party for Chinese New Year and Burns night tonight called Chinese-Burns night................lol:
..... I wasn't keen at first but I had my arm twisted............. whistle:
Post by: apc2010 on January 25, 2020, 11:22:49 PM
"Oh no" he said, "No wifi in here, people used to sit talking in pubs, about their day, their families, work, politics, music, the lot. Now people just stare at their phones and it breaks my heart to see. Therefore, no wifi in this pub."
"You know what?" I replied, "You're right" and I put my phone away. "Thank you", the landlord said "In this pub I want you to act as you would twenty years ago".
So I lit a cigarette, gave him 50p for the pint and said "Two can play at that game mate."...................... Thumbs:
Post by: Steve on January 25, 2020, 11:30:26 PM
I went to a pub yesterday evening and ordered a pint. As the landlord put my drink down, I asked him for the wifi code as I needed to check a message.lol: lol: lol:
"Oh no" he said, "No wifi in here, people used to sit talking in pubs, about their day, their families, work, politics, music, the lot. Now people just stare at their phones and it breaks my heart to see. Therefore, no wifi in this pub."
"You know what?" I replied, "You're right" and I put my phone away. "Thank you", the landlord said "In this pub I want you to act as you would twenty years ago".
So I lit a cigarette, gave him 50p for the pint and said "Two can play at that game mate."...................... Thumbs:
Post by: Barman on January 26, 2020, 05:24:35 AM
I went to a pub yesterday evening and ordered a pint. As the landlord put my drink down, I asked him for the wifi code as I needed to check a message.
"Oh no" he said, "No wifi in here, people used to sit talking in pubs, about their day, their families, work, politics, music, the lot. Now people just stare at their phones and it breaks my heart to see. Therefore, no wifi in this pub."
"You know what?" I replied, "You're right" and I put my phone away. "Thank you", the landlord said "In this pub I want you to act as you would twenty years ago".
So I lit a cigarette, gave him 50p for the pint and said "Two can play at that game mate."...................... Thumbs:
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Darwins Selection on January 26, 2020, 11:20:17 AM
lol: lol: lol: lol:I went to a pub yesterday evening and ordered a pint. As the landlord put my drink down, I asked him for the wifi code as I needed to check a message.
"Oh no" he said, "No wifi in here, people used to sit talking in pubs, about their day, their families, work, politics, music, the lot. Now people just stare at their phones and it breaks my heart to see. Therefore, no wifi in this pub."
"You know what?" I replied, "You're right" and I put my phone away. "Thank you", the landlord said "In this pub I want you to act as you would twenty years ago".
So I lit a cigarette, gave him 50p for the pint and said "Two can play at that game mate."...................... Thumbs:
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: apc2010 on January 26, 2020, 09:59:18 PM
Post by: Steve on January 26, 2020, 10:06:11 PM
With all this Corona virus ..is lime disease next ............ rubschin:lol: lol: lol:
Post by: apc2010 on January 26, 2020, 11:50:36 PM
(https://i.postimg.cc/Lg9W3Grf/Corona-flu.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/Lg9W3Grf)
Thumbs:
Post by: Steve on January 26, 2020, 11:55:07 PM
lol: lol: lol:
(https://i.postimg.cc/Lg9W3Grf/Corona-flu.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/Lg9W3Grf)
Thumbs:
Post by: Barman on January 27, 2020, 05:41:20 AM
lol: lol: lol: lol:lol: lol: lol:
(https://i.postimg.cc/Lg9W3Grf/Corona-flu.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/Lg9W3Grf)
Thumbs:
Post by: Just One More on January 27, 2020, 06:26:13 AM
lol: lol: lol: lol:lol: lol: lol:
(https://i.postimg.cc/Lg9W3Grf/Corona-flu.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/Lg9W3Grf)
Thumbs:
lol: lol: lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Darwins Selection on January 27, 2020, 11:48:39 AM
lol: lol: lol: lol: lol: lol:lol: lol: lol: lol:lol: lol: lol:
(https://i.postimg.cc/Lg9W3Grf/Corona-flu.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/Lg9W3Grf)
Thumbs:
lol: lol: lol: lol: lol:
Post by: apc2010 on January 27, 2020, 08:18:40 PM
I hope you don't mind. I hope you don't mind.............. redface:
Post by: Steve on January 27, 2020, 08:23:42 PM
I've got an annoying habit of quoting Elton John lyrics............lol: lol: lol:
I hope you don't mind. I hope you don't mind.............. redface:
Post by: apc2010 on January 27, 2020, 08:53:37 PM
Is the parent transparent .......... rubschin:
Post by: Steve on January 27, 2020, 09:27:26 PM
If a child is transgender ..........lol: lol:
Is the parent transparent .......... rubschin:
Post by: Darwins Selection on January 27, 2020, 11:25:10 PM
lol: lol: lol:If a child is transgender ..........lol: lol:
Is the parent transparent .......... rubschin:
Post by: Barman on January 28, 2020, 05:57:58 AM
lol: lol: lol: lol:I've got an annoying habit of quoting Elton John lyrics............lol: lol: lol:
I hope you don't mind. I hope you don't mind.............. redface:
Post by: Barman on January 28, 2020, 05:58:22 AM
lol: lol: lol: lol:lol: lol: lol:If a child is transgender ..........lol: lol:
Is the parent transparent .......... rubschin:
Post by: Steve on January 28, 2020, 03:47:42 PM
I don't know and don't really care.
Post by: apc2010 on January 28, 2020, 10:48:09 PM
I frantically rushed over................
"Out of the way!" I yelled as I pushed through the crowd a woman asked,....
"Are you a doctor?".........
"No" I replied."That's my fucking pizza ".............. cussing:
Post by: Barman on January 29, 2020, 06:35:54 AM
I looked out of my window last night and saw a group of people gathering around a poor Asian guy who'd fallen off his moped.... eeek:
I frantically rushed over................
"Out of the way!" I yelled as I pushed through the crowd a woman asked,....
"Are you a doctor?".........
"No" I replied."That's my fucking pizza ".............. cussing:
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Steve on January 29, 2020, 06:26:50 PM
Unfortunately, there's only one space left that day.
So the Angel must decide which of them gets in.
The Angel asks Dolly if there's some particular reason why she should go to Heaven.
Dolly takes off her top and says, "Look at these, they're the most perfect breasts God ever created, and I'm sure it will please God to be able to see them every day, for eternity".
The Angel thanks Dolly and asks Her Majesty the same question.
The Queen takes a bottle of Perrier out of her purse, and drinks it down.
Then, pees into a toilet and pulls the lever.
The Angel says, "ok, your Majesty, you may go in."
Dolly is outraged and asked, "What was that all about?
I show you two of God's own perfect creations and you turn me down.
She pees into a toilet and she gets in!
Would you explain that to me?"
"Sorry, Dolly says the Angel, but even in Heaven,
A Royal Flush Beats a Pair No Matter How Big They Are".
Post by: Barman on January 29, 2020, 07:06:21 PM
Queen Elizabeth and Dolly Parton die on the same day, and both go before an Angel to find out if they'll be admitted to Heaven.
Unfortunately, there's only one space left that day.
So the Angel must decide which of them gets in.
The Angel asks Dolly if there's some particular reason why she should go to Heaven.
Dolly takes off her top and says, "Look at these, they're the most perfect breasts God ever created, and I'm sure it will please God to be able to see them every day, for eternity".
The Angel thanks Dolly and asks Her Majesty the same question.
The Queen takes a bottle of Perrier out of her purse, and drinks it down.
Then, pees into a toilet and pulls the lever.
The Angel says, "ok, your Majesty, you may go in."
Dolly is outraged and asked, "What was that all about?
I show you two of God's own perfect creations and you turn me down.
She pees into a toilet and she gets in!
Would you explain that to me?"
"Sorry, Dolly says the Angel, but even in Heaven,
A Royal Flush Beats a Pair No Matter How Big They Are".
;D
Post by: Steve on January 31, 2020, 05:56:18 PM
"how do you drive this thing?"
Post by: apc2010 on January 31, 2020, 11:48:27 PM
Post by: Steve on February 01, 2020, 12:07:33 AM
My fear of moving stairs is escalating ........ scared2:lol:
Post by: Barman on February 01, 2020, 05:58:56 AM
My fear of moving stairs is escalating ........ scared2:
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: apc2010 on February 06, 2020, 01:27:31 PM
I took a lot from it............. redface:
Post by: Barman on February 06, 2020, 02:07:54 PM
I went to a really interesting lecture on kleptomania............. Thumbs:
I took a lot from it............. redface:
drumroll: ;D
Post by: Barman on February 06, 2020, 02:19:31 PM
(https://i.postimg.cc/k2ybW4tc/84006180-796986107471899-363018852130357248-n.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/k2ybW4tc)
Post by: Steve on February 06, 2020, 05:01:43 PM
lol: lol:I went to a really interesting lecture on kleptomania............. Thumbs:
I took a lot from it............. redface:
drumroll: ;D
Post by: Just One More on February 06, 2020, 07:11:07 PM
lol: lol:I went to a really interesting lecture on kleptomania............. Thumbs:
I took a lot from it............. redface:
drumroll: ;D
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Grumpmeister on February 07, 2020, 02:39:21 AM
(https://i.postimg.cc/k2ybW4tc/84006180-796986107471899-363018852130357248-n.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/k2ybW4tc)
AFFS!! noooo:
Post by: Barman on February 07, 2020, 06:02:28 AM
(https://i.postimg.cc/k2ybW4tc/84006180-796986107471899-363018852130357248-n.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/k2ybW4tc)
AFFS!! noooo:
sad32: sad32: sad32:
Post by: apc2010 on February 07, 2020, 08:06:19 PM
redface:
Post by: Steve on February 07, 2020, 09:45:16 PM
Post by: Steve on February 07, 2020, 09:48:02 PM
Post by: Barman on February 08, 2020, 04:59:05 AM
What kind of blokes does Schofield gopher............... rubschin:
redface:
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Barman on February 08, 2020, 08:27:53 AM
redface:
Post by: apc2010 on February 08, 2020, 09:20:27 AM
There are 10 types of people in the world. Those who can count in binary and those who can't.
redface:
;D ;D
Post by: Darwins Selection on February 08, 2020, 10:01:21 AM
lol: lol: lol:There are 10 types of people in the world. Those who can count in binary and those who can't.
redface:
;D ;D
People from Norfolk can count up to C
Post by: apc2010 on February 08, 2020, 10:11:01 AM
lol: lol: lol:There are 10 types of people in the world. Those who can count in binary and those who can't.
redface:
;D ;D
People from Norfolk can count up to C
;D ;D ;D
Post by: Barman on February 08, 2020, 10:14:50 AM
lol: lol: lol: lol:lol: lol: lol:There are 10 types of people in the world. Those who can count in binary and those who can't.
redface:
;D ;D
People from Norfolk can count up to C
;D ;D ;D
Post by: Steve on February 08, 2020, 03:31:44 PM
lol: lol: lol:There are 10 types of people in the world. Those who can count in binary and those who can't.
redface:
;D ;D
Post by: Steve on February 08, 2020, 03:32:31 PM
rubschin:lol: lol: lol: lol:lol: lol: lol:There are 10 types of people in the world. Those who can count in binary and those who can't.
redface:
;D ;D
People from Norfolk can count up to C
;D ;D ;D
lol: lol: lol: lol: lol:
Post by: apc2010 on February 08, 2020, 08:04:58 PM
Can't believe they all had the same name......... rubschin:
Post by: Steve on February 08, 2020, 08:05:45 PM
BBC NEWS: Three Cliff Walkers have fallen to their death on an expedition....lol: lol: lol:
Can't believe they all had the same name......... rubschin:
Post by: Just One More on February 08, 2020, 08:34:46 PM
BBC NEWS: Three Cliff Walkers have fallen to their death on an expedition....lol: lol: lol:
Can't believe they all had the same name......... rubschin:
lol: lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Darwins Selection on February 08, 2020, 08:54:36 PM
lol: lol: lol: lol: lol:BBC NEWS: Three Cliff Walkers have fallen to their death on an expedition....lol: lol: lol:
Can't believe they all had the same name......... rubschin:
lol: lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Barman on February 09, 2020, 05:36:15 AM
BBC NEWS: Three Cliff Walkers have fallen to their death on an expedition....
Can't believe they all had the same name......... rubschin:
lol: lol: lol: facepalm:
Post by: Grumpmeister on February 09, 2020, 05:50:22 AM
One is bloody heavy and the other is a little lighter redface:
Post by: Barman on February 09, 2020, 06:00:44 AM
What's the difference between a hippo and a zippo.....?
One is bloody heavy and the other is a little lighter redface:
facepalm:
Post by: apc2010 on February 10, 2020, 06:04:50 PM
The other man said, 'What is the name of the restaurant?'..........
The first man thought and thought and finally said, 'What is the name of that flower you give to someone you love.................... rubschin:
You know... The one that's red and has thorns.'......
'Do you mean a rose?'....
'Yes, that's the one,' replied the man.......
He then turned towards the kitchen and yelled,........
'Rose, what's the name of that restaurant we went to last night?.......... redface:
Post by: Barman on February 10, 2020, 07:11:05 PM
An elderly couple had dinner at another couple's house, and after eating, the wives left the table and went into the kitchen. The two gentlemen were talking, and one said, 'Last night we went out to a new restaurant and it was really great. . . I would recommend it very highly.'.......
The other man said, 'What is the name of the restaurant?'..........
The first man thought and thought and finally said, 'What is the name of that flower you give to someone you love.................... rubschin:
You know... The one that's red and has thorns.'......
'Do you mean a rose?'....
'Yes, that's the one,' replied the man.......
He then turned towards the kitchen and yelled,........
'Rose, what's the name of that restaurant we went to last night?.......... redface:
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Just One More on February 10, 2020, 07:20:40 PM
An elderly couple had dinner at another couple's house, and after eating, the wives left the table and went into the kitchen. The two gentlemen were talking, and one said, 'Last night we went out to a new restaurant and it was really great. . . I would recommend it very highly.'.......
The other man said, 'What is the name of the restaurant?'..........
The first man thought and thought and finally said, 'What is the name of that flower you give to someone you love.................... rubschin:
You know... The one that's red and has thorns.'......
'Do you mean a rose?'....
'Yes, that's the one,' replied the man.......
He then turned towards the kitchen and yelled,........
'Rose, what's the name of that restaurant we went to last night?.......... redface:
lol: lol: lol:
lol: lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Steve on February 10, 2020, 08:01:17 PM
Post by: Darwins Selection on February 10, 2020, 11:44:14 PM
lol: lol: lol: lol: lol:An elderly couple had dinner at another couple's house, and after eating, the wives left the table and went into the kitchen. The two gentlemen were talking, and one said, 'Last night we went out to a new restaurant and it was really great. . . I would recommend it very highly.'.......
The other man said, 'What is the name of the restaurant?'..........
The first man thought and thought and finally said, 'What is the name of that flower you give to someone you love.................... rubschin:
You know... The one that's red and has thorns.'......
'Do you mean a rose?'....
'Yes, that's the one,' replied the man.......
He then turned towards the kitchen and yelled,........
'Rose, what's the name of that restaurant we went to last night?.......... redface:
lol: lol: lol:
lol: lol: lol: lol:
Post by: apc2010 on February 11, 2020, 08:41:33 PM
I guess that’s inflation........... noooo:
Post by: Steve on February 11, 2020, 09:05:15 PM
Just cost me 50p to put air in my tyres when it used to be free.......... evil:lol: lol: lol:
I guess that’s inflation........... noooo:
Post by: Barman on February 12, 2020, 06:33:31 AM
lol: lol: lol: lol:Just cost me 50p to put air in my tyres when it used to be free.......... evil:lol: lol: lol:
I guess that’s inflation........... noooo:
Post by: Darwins Selection on February 12, 2020, 02:37:55 PM
lol: lol: lol: lol: lol:lol: lol: lol: lol:Just cost me 50p to put air in my tyres when it used to be free.......... evil:lol: lol: lol:
I guess that’s inflation........... noooo:
Post by: Steve on February 12, 2020, 09:44:44 PM
Police say there are Cue’s for miles!
Post by: apc2010 on February 12, 2020, 10:36:29 PM
A lorry has just shed its load of snooker equipment along the M62...
Police say there are Cue’s for miles!
drumroll: ;D
Post by: Barman on February 13, 2020, 05:25:09 AM
A lorry has just shed its load of snooker equipment along the M62...
Police say there are Cue’s for miles!
drumroll: ;D
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Just One More on February 13, 2020, 09:53:14 PM
A lorry has just shed its load of snooker equipment along the M62...
Police say there are Cue’s for miles!
drumroll: ;D
lol: lol: lol:
lol: lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Steve on February 13, 2020, 11:32:45 PM
Feb 14th is not Vaseline Day.
Post by: Darwins Selection on February 13, 2020, 11:40:42 PM
lol: lol: lol: lol: lol:A lorry has just shed its load of snooker equipment along the M62...
Police say there are Cue’s for miles!
drumroll: ;D
lol: lol: lol:
lol: lol: lol: lol:
Post by: apc2010 on February 14, 2020, 11:13:33 AM
Just a note for any dyslexic people out there.
Feb 14th is not Vaseline Day.
Well.......... whistle:
Post by: Barman on February 14, 2020, 11:38:13 AM
Just a note for any dyslexic people out there.
Feb 14th is not Vaseline Day.
Well.......... whistle:
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: apc2010 on February 14, 2020, 04:16:44 PM
I prefer to call it 'changing my ringtone'........... redface:
Post by: Barman on February 14, 2020, 04:19:43 PM
I don't like the term 'Anal Bleaching'......... noooo:
I prefer to call it 'changing my ringtone'........... redface:
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Steve on February 14, 2020, 04:57:45 PM
lol: lol: lol: lol:I don't like the term 'Anal Bleaching'......... noooo:
I prefer to call it 'changing my ringtone'........... redface:
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Darwins Selection on February 14, 2020, 05:53:34 PM
lol: lol: lol: lol: lol:lol: lol: lol: lol:I don't like the term 'Anal Bleaching'......... noooo:
I prefer to call it 'changing my ringtone'........... redface:
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Just One More on February 14, 2020, 07:12:26 PM
lol: lol: lol: lol: lol:lol: lol: lol: lol:I don't like the term 'Anal Bleaching'......... noooo:
I prefer to call it 'changing my ringtone'........... redface:
lol: lol: lol:
lol: lol: lol: lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Steve on February 15, 2020, 12:01:03 PM
It was here a minute ago
Post by: Barman on February 15, 2020, 02:13:36 PM
I can't find my 'Gone in 60 seconds' DVD.
It was here a minute ago
lol:
Post by: apc2010 on February 15, 2020, 04:19:46 PM
I can't find my 'Gone in 60 seconds' DVD.
It was here a minute ago
lol:
;D ;D
Post by: Steve on February 16, 2020, 10:48:24 AM
If you can't come let me know.
Post by: Barman on February 16, 2020, 12:32:54 PM
I'm hosting an event for men who have trouble ejaculating.
If you can't come let me know.
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Just One More on February 16, 2020, 12:43:10 PM
I'm hosting an event for men who have trouble ejaculating.
If you can't come let me know.
lol: lol: lol:
lol: lol: lol: lol:
Post by: apc2010 on February 16, 2020, 06:23:50 PM
but she dumped me for inappropriate use of the colon................ whistle:
Post by: Barman on February 17, 2020, 06:18:08 AM
I used to date an English teacher........................ Thumbs:
but she dumped me for inappropriate use of the colon................ whistle:
lol: lol: lol: redface:
Post by: apc2010 on February 17, 2020, 09:54:34 PM
Thankfully he didn't make a hobbit of it though............... redface:
Post by: Steve on February 17, 2020, 09:57:45 PM
Martin Freeman has said he regrets smacking his children out of anger when he was younger...............lol: lol: lol:
Thankfully he didn't make a hobbit of it though............... redface:
Post by: Darwins Selection on February 17, 2020, 11:26:11 PM
lol: lol: lol: lol:Martin Freeman has said he regrets smacking his children out of anger when he was younger...............lol: lol: lol:
Thankfully he didn't make a hobbit of it though............... redface:
Post by: Barman on February 18, 2020, 05:26:49 AM
lol: lol: lol: lol: lol:lol: lol: lol: lol:Martin Freeman has said he regrets smacking his children out of anger when he was younger...............lol: lol: lol:
Thankfully he didn't make a hobbit of it though............... redface:
Post by: apc2010 on February 18, 2020, 08:45:21 PM
Rowan Atkinson was a good black adder............ redface:
Post by: Steve on February 18, 2020, 09:32:58 PM
What's the difference between Rowan Atkinson and Dianne Abbott.............lol: lol: lol: redface:
Rowan Atkinson was a good black adder............ redface:
Post by: Barman on February 19, 2020, 05:23:00 AM
What's the difference between Rowan Atkinson and Dianne Abbott.............lol: lol: lol: redface:
Rowan Atkinson was a good black adder............ redface:
drumroll: lol: lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Darwins Selection on February 19, 2020, 12:35:34 PM
lol: lol: lol: lol: lol:What's the difference between Rowan Atkinson and Dianne Abbott.............lol: lol: lol: redface:
Rowan Atkinson was a good black adder............ redface:
drumroll: lol: lol: lol: lol:
Post by: apc2010 on February 19, 2020, 10:22:12 PM
My mate told me that they are really expensive,............
So I've bought 2 normal cats and glued their heads together........... Thumbs:
Post by: apc2010 on February 19, 2020, 10:46:51 PM
Very time consuming........ redface:
Post by: Steve on February 19, 2020, 11:42:17 PM
I ate a clock yesterday .......lol: lol: lol:
Very time consuming........ redface:
Post by: Steve on February 19, 2020, 11:52:56 PM
It was time for reflection.
Post by: Barman on February 20, 2020, 05:59:35 AM
My girlfriend wanted me to buy her a Siamese cat...........
My mate told me that they are really expensive,............
So I've bought 2 normal cats and glued their heads together........... Thumbs:
happy001
Post by: Just One More on February 20, 2020, 06:03:13 AM
My girlfriend wanted me to buy her a Siamese cat...........
My mate told me that they are really expensive,............
So I've bought 2 normal cats and glued their heads together........... Thumbs:
happy001
happy001 happy001
Post by: apc2010 on February 21, 2020, 12:39:23 AM
Post by: Barman on February 21, 2020, 05:15:37 AM
I was going to do a time travelling joke but you guys didn't like it............. noooo:
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Darwins Selection on February 21, 2020, 09:11:00 AM
lol: lol: lol: lol:I was going to do a time travelling joke but you guys didn't like it............. noooo:
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Steve on February 21, 2020, 09:46:05 AM
lol: lol: lol: lol: lol:lol: lol: lol: lol:I was going to do a time travelling joke but you guys didn't like it............. noooo:
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Just One More on February 21, 2020, 05:55:53 PM
lol: lol: lol: lol: lol:lol: lol: lol: lol:I was going to do a time travelling joke but you guys didn't like it............. noooo:
lol: lol: lol:
lol: lol: lol: lol: lol: lol:
Post by: apc2010 on February 21, 2020, 11:51:00 PM
The rabbit says ..."I think I am a typo"........ redface:
Post by: Darwins Selection on February 22, 2020, 12:51:40 AM
A priest , a minister and a rabbit walk into a bar ....lol: lol:
The rabbit says ..."I think I am a typo"........ redface:
Post by: Barman on February 22, 2020, 05:29:23 AM
lol: lol: lol:A priest , a minister and a rabbit walk into a bar ....lol: lol:
The rabbit says ..."I think I am a typo"........ redface:
Post by: apc2010 on February 24, 2020, 09:29:30 PM
(https://i.postimg.cc/zHC4PKy2/Dishwasher.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/zHC4PKy2)
whistle:
Post by: Barman on February 25, 2020, 09:07:07 AM
(https://i.postimg.cc/zHC4PKy2/Dishwasher.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/zHC4PKy2)
whistle:
happy001
scared:
Post by: Just One More on February 25, 2020, 09:29:17 AM
(https://i.postimg.cc/zHC4PKy2/Dishwasher.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/zHC4PKy2)
whistle:
happy001
scared:
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Steve on February 25, 2020, 09:42:24 PM
lol: lol: lol: lol:lol: lol: lol:A priest , a minister and a rabbit walk into a bar ....lol: lol:
The rabbit says ..."I think I am a typo"........ redface:
Post by: apc2010 on February 25, 2020, 11:12:39 PM
Just finished the second coat.............. whistle:
(I.ll set em up ..)... ::)
Post by: Barman on February 26, 2020, 04:54:43 AM
I've decided to paint all my clothes rather than buy new ones.......... Thumbs:
Just finished the second coat.............. whistle:
(I.ll set em up ..)... ::)
razz:
Post by: Steve on February 26, 2020, 10:17:57 AM
lol: lol: lol:I've decided to paint all my clothes rather than buy new ones.......... Thumbs:
Just finished the second coat.............. whistle:
(I.ll set em up ..)... ::)
razz:
Post by: apc2010 on February 26, 2020, 09:29:04 PM
And then the penne dropped!.................... redface:
Post by: Steve on February 26, 2020, 09:31:48 PM
Post by: Barman on February 27, 2020, 05:27:55 AM
I didn't understand what Miss T meant when she told me I was holding the bag of pasta upside down........... rubschin:
And then the penne dropped!.................... redface:
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Darwins Selection on February 27, 2020, 08:19:44 PM
lol: lol: lol: lol:I didn't understand what Miss T meant when she told me I was holding the bag of pasta upside down........... rubschin:
And then the penne dropped!.................... redface:
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: apc2010 on February 29, 2020, 11:20:04 PM
............. Bernadette.............. redface:
Post by: Just One More on February 29, 2020, 11:31:06 PM
Imagine all the people
Post by: Just One More on February 29, 2020, 11:31:50 PM
What do you call a woman who throws her bills on the fire,........ rubschin:
............. Bernadette.............. redface:
lol: ... great earworm :thumbsup:
Post by: apc2010 on February 29, 2020, 11:32:11 PM
All the flights at John Lennon airport have been grounded -
Imagine all the people
;D ;D Thumbs:
Post by: Barman on March 01, 2020, 05:53:55 AM
What do you call a woman who throws her bills on the fire,........ rubschin:
............. Bernadette.............. redface:
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Steve on March 01, 2020, 01:05:21 PM
lol: lol: lol: lol:What do you call a woman who throws her bills on the fire,........ rubschin:
............. Bernadette.............. redface:
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Steve on March 01, 2020, 01:08:07 PM
lol: lol: lol: Thumbs:All the flights at John Lennon airport have been grounded -
Imagine all the people
;D ;D Thumbs:
Post by: apc2010 on March 01, 2020, 09:42:05 PM
Is sphere itself ............. redface:
redface: redface: redface:
Post by: Darwins Selection on March 01, 2020, 11:39:10 PM
The only thing flat-earthers fear .........drumroll:
Is sphere itself ............. redface:
redface: redface: redface:
Post by: Steve on March 02, 2020, 12:07:34 AM
drumroll: drumroll:The only thing flat-earthers fear .........drumroll:
Is sphere itself ............. redface:
redface: redface: redface:
Post by: Barman on March 02, 2020, 05:03:40 AM
drumroll: drumroll: drumroll:drumroll: drumroll:The only thing flat-earthers fear .........drumroll:
Is sphere itself ............. redface:
redface: redface: redface:
happy001
Post by: Just One More on March 02, 2020, 06:15:47 AM
drumroll: drumroll: drumroll:drumroll: drumroll:The only thing flat-earthers fear .........drumroll:
Is sphere itself ............. redface:
redface: redface: redface:
happy001
drumroll: drumroll: drumroll: drumroll:
Post by: apc2010 on March 02, 2020, 08:29:17 PM
but to me he was simply pa pa pa pa pa pa pa pa pa pa pa..............
redface: redface: redface:
Post by: Nick on March 02, 2020, 08:31:39 PM
Post by: Steve on March 03, 2020, 12:00:07 AM
My mum was called pearl and my dads name was Dean..........................................lol: lol: lol:
but to me he was simply pa pa pa pa pa pa pa pa pa pa pa..............
redface: redface: redface:
Post by: Barman on March 03, 2020, 05:51:43 AM
lol: lol: lol: lol:My mum was called pearl and my dads name was Dean..........................................lol: lol: lol:
but to me he was simply pa pa pa pa pa pa pa pa pa pa pa..............
redface: redface: redface:
Post by: Just One More on March 03, 2020, 06:00:21 AM
She said 'Ammonia cleaner'.
I said 'I'm sorry, I thought you worked here'
Post by: Barman on March 03, 2020, 06:18:27 AM
I went into Boots yesterday and asked the assistant 'what’s best to keep Coronavirus away?'
She said 'Ammonia cleaner'.
I said 'I'm sorry, I thought you worked here'
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Steve on March 03, 2020, 12:09:30 PM
lol: lol: lol: lol:I went into Boots yesterday and asked the assistant 'what’s best to keep Coronavirus away?'
She said 'Ammonia cleaner'.
I said 'I'm sorry, I thought you worked here'
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Steve on March 03, 2020, 12:11:45 PM
They were know for wandering endlessly through the woods yelling their war cry: " We're the Fukawi! We're the Fukawi!"
Post by: apc2010 on March 03, 2020, 01:09:51 PM
lol: lol: lol: lol:I went into Boots yesterday and asked the assistant 'what’s best to keep Coronavirus away?'
She said 'Ammonia cleaner'.
I said 'I'm sorry, I thought you worked here'
lol: lol: lol:
;D ;D ;D ;D
Post by: Barman on March 03, 2020, 01:21:55 PM
There is a legend of a native tribe who lived here in the forests of Eastern North America named the Fakawi.
They were know for wandering endlessly through the woods yelling their war cry: " We're the Fukawi! We're the Fukawi!"
When I was told that at school in the 70s they were a tribe of midgets walking through the long crass crying "Where the Fukawi" or somesuch... rubschin:
Post by: Darwins Selection on March 03, 2020, 04:24:24 PM
See Also: The 50's and the 60's.There is a legend of a native tribe who lived here in the forests of Eastern North America named the Fakawi.
They were know for wandering endlessly through the woods yelling their war cry: " We're the Fukawi! We're the Fukawi!"
When I was told that at school in the 70s they were a tribe of midgets walking through the long crass crying "Where the Fukawi" or somesuch... rubschin:
Post by: Nick on March 03, 2020, 06:53:17 PM
Post by: Steve on March 03, 2020, 07:42:53 PM
As long as it wasn't a dreaded AffsThere is a legend of a native tribe who lived here in the forests of Eastern North America named the Fakawi.
They were know for wandering endlessly through the woods yelling their war cry: " We're the Fukawi! We're the Fukawi!"
When I was told that at school in the 70s they were a tribe of midgets walking through the long crass crying "Where the Fukawi" or somesuch... rubschin:
Post by: apc2010 on March 04, 2020, 09:01:08 PM
Post by: Barman on March 04, 2020, 09:23:25 PM
Cows have hooves ...because they Lactose .......... rubschin:
tunble:
Post by: apc2010 on March 06, 2020, 03:35:14 PM
Their word not mine ......... noooo:
Post by: Steve on March 06, 2020, 05:47:09 PM
I was accused of being a Plagiarist.........lol: lol: lol:
Their word not mine ......... noooo:
Post by: Darwins Selection on March 06, 2020, 07:26:35 PM
lol: lol: lol: lol:I was accused of being a Plagiarist.........lol: lol: lol:
Their word not mine ......... noooo:
Post by: Just One More on March 06, 2020, 07:53:29 PM
lol: lol: lol: lol:I was accused of being a Plagiarist.........lol: lol: lol:
Their word not mine ......... noooo:
lol: lol: lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Barman on March 07, 2020, 06:03:19 AM
lol: lol: lol: lol: lol:lol: lol: lol: lol:I was accused of being a Plagiarist.........lol: lol: lol:
Their word not mine ......... noooo:
lol: lol: lol: lol: lol:
Post by: apc2010 on March 10, 2020, 10:30:50 PM
Lovely woman...................
Terrible sandwiches................... noooo:
Post by: Steve on March 11, 2020, 12:18:24 AM
My Mum always used to say “give your food a rinse before you eat it.”........lol: lol: lol:
Lovely woman...................
Terrible sandwiches................... noooo:
Post by: Barman on March 11, 2020, 04:44:56 AM
lol: lol: lol: lol:My Mum always used to say “give your food a rinse before you eat it.”........lol: lol: lol:
Lovely woman...................
Terrible sandwiches................... noooo:
Post by: Just One More on March 11, 2020, 06:54:15 AM
lol: lol: lol: lol:My Mum always used to say “give your food a rinse before you eat it.”........lol: lol: lol:
Lovely woman...................
Terrible sandwiches................... noooo:
lol: lol: lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Darwins Selection on March 11, 2020, 08:49:04 AM
lol: lol: lol: lol: lol: lol:lol: lol: lol: lol:My Mum always used to say “give your food a rinse before you eat it.”........lol: lol: lol:
Lovely woman...................
Terrible sandwiches................... noooo:
lol: lol: lol: lol: lol:
Post by: apc2010 on March 13, 2020, 05:50:21 PM
ASDA: 2 hand sanitisers and a 4 pack of toilet rolls..........
TESCO: 1 hand sanitiser, 500g of rice and 4 pack of toilet rolls........
WAITROSE: 1 lobster, 6 quails eggs and 100g of Foie Gras........
ALDI: a MIG welder, a pink sports bra, 2 trumpets and 1 wetsuit...........
Post by: Steve on March 13, 2020, 05:57:23 PM
Latest purchase limits placed on shops, in light of the Coronavirus due to panic buying;.........lol: lol: lol:
ASDA: 2 hand sanitisers and a 4 pack of toilet rolls..........
TESCO: 1 hand sanitiser, 500g of rice and 4 pack of toilet rolls........
WAITROSE: 1 lobster, 6 quails eggs and 100g of Foie Gras........
ALDI: a MIG welder, a pink sports bra, 2 trumpets and 1 wetsuit...........
Post by: Barman on March 13, 2020, 06:21:45 PM
Latest purchase limits placed on shops, in light of the Coronavirus due to panic buying;.........
ASDA: 2 hand sanitisers and a 4 pack of toilet rolls..........
TESCO: 1 hand sanitiser, 500g of rice and 4 pack of toilet rolls........
WAITROSE: 1 lobster, 6 quails eggs and 100g of Foie Gras........
ALDI: a MIG welder, a pink sports bra, 2 trumpets and 1 wetsuit...........
happy001
Post by: apc2010 on March 13, 2020, 06:52:09 PM
I've just been into a bookcase store and couldn't believe it.......
Empty shelves everywhere........... noooo:
Post by: Barman on March 13, 2020, 07:08:32 PM
More Corona panic buying ........
I've just been into a bookcase store and couldn't believe it.......
Empty shelves everywhere........... noooo:
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Just One More on March 13, 2020, 08:56:44 PM
Latest purchase limits placed on shops, in light of the Coronavirus due to panic buying;.........
ASDA: 2 hand sanitisers and a 4 pack of toilet rolls..........
TESCO: 1 hand sanitiser, 500g of rice and 4 pack of toilet rolls........
WAITROSE: 1 lobster, 6 quails eggs and 100g of Foie Gras........
ALDI: a MIG welder, a pink sports bra, 2 trumpets and 1 wetsuit...........
happy001
happy001 happy001
Post by: Steve on March 13, 2020, 09:49:05 PM
lol: lol: lol: lol:More Corona panic buying ........
I've just been into a bookcase store and couldn't believe it.......
Empty shelves everywhere........... noooo:
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Steve on March 13, 2020, 09:50:52 PM
I told him it's on it's way out.
Post by: Barman on March 14, 2020, 04:53:06 AM
This bloke came into my shop today and asked me why was my "Exit sign" flickering on and off???
I told him it's on it's way out.
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Darwins Selection on March 14, 2020, 10:06:09 AM
happy001 happy001 happy001Latest purchase limits placed on shops, in light of the Coronavirus due to panic buying;.........
ASDA: 2 hand sanitisers and a 4 pack of toilet rolls..........
TESCO: 1 hand sanitiser, 500g of rice and 4 pack of toilet rolls........
WAITROSE: 1 lobster, 6 quails eggs and 100g of Foie Gras........
ALDI: a MIG welder, a pink sports bra, 2 trumpets and 1 wetsuit...........
happy001
happy001 happy001
Post by: Just One More on March 14, 2020, 11:07:54 AM
happy001 happy001 happy001Latest purchase limits placed on shops, in light of the Coronavirus due to panic buying;.........
ASDA: 2 hand sanitisers and a 4 pack of toilet rolls..........
TESCO: 1 hand sanitiser, 500g of rice and 4 pack of toilet rolls........
WAITROSE: 1 lobster, 6 quails eggs and 100g of Foie Gras........
ALDI: a MIG welder, a pink sports bra, 2 trumpets and 1 wetsuit...........
happy001
happy001 happy001
happy001 happy001 happy001 happy001
Post by: apc2010 on March 15, 2020, 07:53:22 PM
He's not gay or anything, he has Alzheimer's and thought it was the car.......... redface:
Post by: Grumpmeister on March 16, 2020, 03:25:22 AM
One person sneezes and 100 people shit themselves
redface:
Post by: Barman on March 16, 2020, 04:52:26 AM
My uncle came out of the closet today..............
He's not gay or anything, he has Alzheimer's and thought it was the car.......... redface:
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Steve on March 16, 2020, 10:19:43 AM
Think I've worked out why people are hoarding toilet paper....lol: lol: lol:
One person sneezes and 100 people shit themselves
redface:
Post by: Steve on March 20, 2020, 01:12:46 PM
"Thanks for nothing".
Post by: Barman on March 20, 2020, 01:20:28 PM
To the guy who invented the number zero:
"Thanks for nothing".
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: apc2010 on March 21, 2020, 12:01:29 AM
To give anyone who went to the toilet time to get back to the bar............. Thumbs:
Post by: Barman on March 21, 2020, 05:28:51 AM
Wetherspoons have announced their pubs will stay open a further 3 weeks.......
To give anyone who went to the toilet time to get back to the bar............. Thumbs:
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Just One More on March 21, 2020, 09:17:41 AM
Wetherspoons have announced their pubs will stay open a further 3 weeks.......
To give anyone who went to the toilet time to get back to the bar............. Thumbs:
lol: lol: lol:
lol: lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Steve on March 22, 2020, 11:53:17 AM
Post by: Barman on March 22, 2020, 11:58:16 AM
I can tell people are judgmental, just by looking at them.
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Just One More on March 22, 2020, 12:04:27 PM
I can tell people are judgmental, just by looking at them.
lol: lol: lol:
lol: lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Nick on March 23, 2020, 06:58:46 AM
Post by: Barman on March 23, 2020, 07:07:31 AM
A dog goes in to the post office and asks to send a telegram saying, ‘woof woof woof woof.’ the telegraphist tells the dog that for the same money he could add two extra woofs. the dog replies. ‘but that would make no sense’.
happy001
Post by: Just One More on March 23, 2020, 07:25:47 AM
A dog goes in to the post office and asks to send a telegram saying, ‘woof woof woof woof.’ the telegraphist tells the dog that for the same money he could add two extra woofs. the dog replies. ‘but that would make no sense’.
happy001
happy001 happy001
Post by: The Moan Ranger on March 23, 2020, 08:30:39 AM
cry:
Post by: Barman on March 23, 2020, 08:44:28 AM
A man doesn't walk into a bar...
cry:
sad32:
Post by: apc2010 on March 23, 2020, 10:51:10 PM
Small medium at large.............. noooo: redface: noooo:
Post by: Barman on March 24, 2020, 06:55:57 AM
Breaking news, midget holds seance for charity and runs off with the takings.......
Small medium at large.............. noooo: redface: noooo:
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: apc2010 on March 24, 2020, 01:46:24 PM
Post by: Barman on March 24, 2020, 01:48:23 PM
The only thing about ‘I Can’t Believe It’s Not Butter’ is that after 30 years you would think they would have come to terms with it........... rubschin:
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Steve on March 24, 2020, 09:58:16 PM
lol: lol: lol: lol:The only thing about ‘I Can’t Believe It’s Not Butter’ is that after 30 years you would think they would have come to terms with it........... rubschin:
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: apc2010 on March 26, 2020, 08:34:22 AM
Maybe start with Coldplay................. rubschin:
Post by: Barman on March 26, 2020, 08:57:58 AM
Police you now have powers to split up groups.............
Maybe start with Coldplay................. rubschin:
happy001
Post by: Steve on March 26, 2020, 12:43:16 PM
lol: lol: lol:Police you now have powers to split up groups.............
Maybe start with Coldplay................. rubschin:
happy001
Post by: Darwins Selection on March 26, 2020, 01:05:54 PM
lol: lol: lol: lol:lol: lol: lol:Police you now have powers to split up groups.............
Maybe start with Coldplay................. rubschin:
happy001
Post by: Just One More on March 26, 2020, 06:10:17 PM
lol: lol: lol: lol:lol: lol: lol:Police you now have powers to split up groups.............
Maybe start with Coldplay................. rubschin:
happy001
lol: lol: lol: lol: lol:
Post by: apc2010 on March 29, 2020, 11:36:32 AM
Luckily, I was the one facing the telly............... Thumbs:
Post by: Barman on March 29, 2020, 11:37:00 AM
Last night, me and mIss T watched three DVDs back to back.........
Luckily, I was the one facing the telly............... Thumbs:
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Steve on March 29, 2020, 11:45:25 AM
lol: lol: lol: lol:Last night, me and mIss T watched three DVDs back to back.........
Luckily, I was the one facing the telly............... Thumbs:
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: apc2010 on March 29, 2020, 03:48:54 PM
Post by: Just One More on March 29, 2020, 06:08:00 PM
I wonder how Mickey Flanagan is coping ........ rubschin:
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: apc2010 on March 30, 2020, 06:34:58 PM
One bat and ............... noooo:
Post by: Barman on March 30, 2020, 06:40:35 PM
No wonder China doesn't have a cricket team ..........
One bat and ............... noooo:
happy001
Post by: Darwins Selection on March 30, 2020, 10:46:48 PM
happy001 happy001No wonder China doesn't have a cricket team ..........
One bat and ............... noooo:
happy001
Post by: apc2010 on March 31, 2020, 07:54:56 PM
Post by: Barman on April 01, 2020, 06:23:18 AM
Dog just asked if I want the radio on while he goes out .......... rubschin:
lol: lol: lol: cry:
Post by: Darwins Selection on April 01, 2020, 07:34:02 AM
lol: lol: lol: lol:Dog just asked if I want the radio on while he goes out .......... rubschin:
lol: lol: lol: cry:
Post by: apc2010 on April 02, 2020, 02:28:36 PM
I thought this is a f%%*ing wind up...................... evil:
Post by: Barman on April 02, 2020, 02:30:38 PM
I bought a battery powered clock today, when I got it home I found they'd given me the wrong one,..............
I thought this is a f%%*ing wind up...................... evil:
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: apc2010 on April 02, 2020, 03:01:58 PM
Where the f%%k is everyone.............. eeek:
Post by: Barman on April 02, 2020, 03:03:56 PM
Just got back from wetherspoons toilets...
Where the f%%k is everyone.............. eeek:
happy001
Two jokes from one meme! Thumbs:
Post by: Grumpmeister on April 02, 2020, 03:04:52 PM
Just got back from wetherspoons toilets...
Where the f%%k is everyone.............. eeek:
They got sick of waiting for you to pay for a round so went for a lock in elsewhere... whistle:
Post by: Steve on April 02, 2020, 04:17:54 PM
lol: lol: lol: lol:I bought a battery powered clock today, when I got it home I found they'd given me the wrong one,..............
I thought this is a f%%*ing wind up...................... evil:
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Steve on April 02, 2020, 04:22:55 PM
Last night I woke up while she was holding a pillow tightly over my face to protect me from COVID19.
Post by: Barman on April 02, 2020, 05:38:56 PM
I have the most loving wife.
Last night I woke up while she was holding a pillow tightly over my face to protect me from COVID19.
rubschin:
Post by: The Moan Ranger on April 03, 2020, 09:26:35 AM
Luckily, he's cured.
Post by: Barman on April 03, 2020, 09:57:41 AM
Kevin Bacon had Covid-19.
Luckily, he's cured.
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: apc2010 on April 03, 2020, 11:52:03 AM
Kevin Bacon had Covid-19.
Luckily, he's cured.
lol: lol: lol:
;D ;D ;D
Post by: Steve on April 03, 2020, 01:33:08 PM
lol: lol: lol: lol:Kevin Bacon had Covid-19.
Luckily, he's cured.
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: apc2010 on April 03, 2020, 09:55:50 PM
Doctor : "Can you describe the symptoms"?.......
ME ;Marge has blue hair and Homer is the fat one ..... Thumbs:
Post by: Barman on April 04, 2020, 04:33:49 AM
ME; I am having problems with my hearing ......
Doctor : "Can you describe the symptoms"?.......
ME ;Marge has blue hair and Homer is the fat one ..... Thumbs:
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Just One More on April 04, 2020, 05:20:06 AM
ME; I am having problems with my hearing ......
Doctor : "Can you describe the symptoms"?.......
ME ;Marge has blue hair and Homer is the fat one ..... Thumbs:
lol: lol: lol:
lol: lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Steve on April 04, 2020, 10:54:09 AM
lol: lol: lol: lol: lol:ME; I am having problems with my hearing ......
Doctor : "Can you describe the symptoms"?.......
ME ;Marge has blue hair and Homer is the fat one ..... Thumbs:
lol: lol: lol:
lol: lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Steve on April 04, 2020, 11:22:48 AM
But I won’t – they all suck.
Post by: Barman on April 04, 2020, 11:48:52 AM
I wanted to tell you a pun about leeches.
But I won’t – they all suck.
facepalm:
Post by: apc2010 on April 04, 2020, 03:42:21 PM
And what is Beth short for ...???
Because she is only 3............. ::)
Post by: Barman on April 04, 2020, 03:45:34 PM
Have you met my daughter Beth ??.....
And what is Beth short for ...???
Because she is only 3............. ::)
It works better with the picture Apey... ::)
Post by: apc2010 on April 04, 2020, 03:55:36 PM
Have you met my daughter Beth ??.....
And what is Beth short for ...???
Because she is only 3............. ::)
It works better with the picture Apey... ::)
cussing:
Post by: The Moan Ranger on April 04, 2020, 04:00:15 PM
Have you met my daughter Beth ??.....
And what is Beth short for ...???
Because she is only 3............. ::)
It works better with the picture Apey... ::)
cussing:
PICNIC... whistle:
Post by: Barman on April 04, 2020, 04:03:15 PM
Have you met my daughter Beth ??.....
And what is Beth short for ...???
Because she is only 3............. ::)
It works better with the picture Apey... ::)
cussing:
PICNIC... whistle:
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Steve on April 05, 2020, 11:10:52 AM
He measured it last month, it was 19.5 m x 10m ....and now its 19m x 10m ..
I don't know but I think he is losing the plot.
Post by: Barman on April 05, 2020, 11:36:55 AM
My neighbour says his allotment plot was 20m x 10m when he bought it last year.
He measured it last month, it was 19.5 m x 10m ....and now its 19m x 10m ..
I don't know but I think he is losing the plot.
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Grumpmeister on April 05, 2020, 11:40:32 AM
My neighbour says his allotment plot was 20m x 10m when he bought it last year.
He measured it last month, it was 19.5 m x 10m ....and now its 19m x 10m ..
I don't know but I think he is losing the plot.
There may be foul play involved, I saw the owner of the adjoining allotment adding topsoil to his...
The plot thickens... redface:
Post by: Barman on April 05, 2020, 11:41:32 AM
My neighbour says his allotment plot was 20m x 10m when he bought it last year.
He measured it last month, it was 19.5 m x 10m ....and now its 19m x 10m ..
I don't know but I think he is losing the plot.
There may be foul play involved, I saw the owner of the adjoining allotment adding topsoil to his...
The plot thickens... redface:
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: apc2010 on April 05, 2020, 11:46:19 AM
My neighbour says his allotment plot was 20m x 10m when he bought it last year.
He measured it last month, it was 19.5 m x 10m ....and now its 19m x 10m ..
I don't know but I think he is losing the plot.
There may be foul play involved, I saw the owner of the adjoining allotment adding topsoil to his...
The plot thickens... redface:
lol: lol: lol:
drumroll:
Post by: Steve on April 05, 2020, 11:49:14 AM
drumroll: drumroll:My neighbour says his allotment plot was 20m x 10m when he bought it last year.
He measured it last month, it was 19.5 m x 10m ....and now its 19m x 10m ..
I don't know but I think he is losing the plot.
There may be foul play involved, I saw the owner of the adjoining allotment adding topsoil to his...
The plot thickens... redface:
lol: lol: lol:
drumroll:
Post by: apc2010 on April 05, 2020, 01:10:15 PM
Women are joining to new trend to go bra less............... Thumbs: cloud9:
The panel of Loose Women have said they intend to show support......... noooo:
Post by: Barman on April 05, 2020, 01:19:59 PM
According to a national newspaper today..........
Women are joining to new trend to go bra less............... Thumbs: cloud9:
The panel of Loose Women have said they intend to show support......... noooo:
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Darwins Selection on April 05, 2020, 01:53:27 PM
drumroll: drumroll: drumroll:drumroll: drumroll:My neighbour says his allotment plot was 20m x 10m when he bought it last year.
He measured it last month, it was 19.5 m x 10m ....and now its 19m x 10m ..
I don't know but I think he is losing the plot.
There may be foul play involved, I saw the owner of the adjoining allotment adding topsoil to his...
The plot thickens... redface:
lol: lol: lol:
drumroll:
Post by: Steve on April 07, 2020, 01:56:53 PM
It’s not the end of the world.
Post by: Barman on April 07, 2020, 02:07:29 PM
So, I don’t know what ‘apocalypse’ means – what’s the big deal?
It’s not the end of the world.
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: apc2010 on April 08, 2020, 12:22:59 PM
Post by: Steve on April 08, 2020, 12:29:53 PM
Wayne Rooney is suing Tesco for putting his signature on their hot cross buns...........lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Steve on April 08, 2020, 07:30:58 PM
I suggested she use the car next time.
Post by: Barman on April 09, 2020, 05:18:11 AM
lol: lol: lol: lol:Wayne Rooney is suing Tesco for putting his signature on their hot cross buns...........lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Barman on April 09, 2020, 05:18:24 AM
The wife was complaining about the blisters on her hand from using the broom.
I suggested she use the car next time.
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: apc2010 on April 11, 2020, 11:58:09 AM
Post by: Barman on April 11, 2020, 12:21:59 PM
People in Saudi Arabia don't like The Flintstones but the people in Abu Dhabi do.......... redface:
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: The Moan Ranger on April 11, 2020, 12:28:23 PM
I hear that the people of Afghanistan don't like the Flintstones but the people of Abu Dhabi do.
redface:
AFFS !!!
Post by: Steve on April 11, 2020, 12:57:33 PM
Still lol: lol: lol:I hear that the people of Afghanistan don't like the Flintstones but the people of Abu Dhabi do.
redface:
AFFS !!!
Do we need a pub statute of limitations on Affs?
Post by: The Moan Ranger on April 11, 2020, 01:12:42 PM
Still lol: lol: lol:I hear that the people of Afghanistan don't like the Flintstones but the people of Abu Dhabi do.
redface:
AFFS !!!
Do we need a pub statute of limitations on Affs?
No. Affs is eternal, like Keith Richards.
Post by: Barman on April 11, 2020, 01:19:59 PM
Still lol: lol: lol:I hear that the people of Afghanistan don't like the Flintstones but the people of Abu Dhabi do.
redface:
AFFS !!!
Do we need a pub statute of limitations on Affs?
No. Affs is eternal, like Keith Richards.
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: apc2010 on April 11, 2020, 01:21:24 PM
Still lol: lol: lol:I hear that the people of Afghanistan don't like the Flintstones but the people of Abu Dhabi do.
redface:
AFFS !!!
Do we need a pub statute of limitations on Affs?
No. Affs is eternal, like Keith Richards.
At no point was Keith in Eternal ..see below ...Eternal was a British R&B girl group formed in 1992 with the line-up consisting of Easther Bennett and her older sister Vernie Bennett, with Kéllé Bryan and her friend and classmate Louise Nurding (now known as Louise Redknapp)....
noooo:
Post by: Steve on April 11, 2020, 01:25:42 PM
So when Keef pops his clogs . . . . . . .Still lol: lol: lol:I hear that the people of Afghanistan don't like the Flintstones but the people of Abu Dhabi do.
redface:
AFFS !!!
Do we need a pub statute of limitations on Affs?
No. Affs is eternal, like Keith Richards.
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Barman on April 11, 2020, 01:31:07 PM
Still lol: lol: lol:I hear that the people of Afghanistan don't like the Flintstones but the people of Abu Dhabi do.
redface:
AFFS !!!
Do we need a pub statute of limitations on Affs?
No. Affs is eternal, like Keith Richards.
At no point was Keith in Eternal ..see below ...Eternal was a British R&B girl group formed in 1992 with the line-up consisting of Easther Bennett and her older sister Vernie Bennett, with Kéllé Bryan and her friend and classmate Louise Nurding (now known as Louise Redknapp)....
noooo:
facepalm:
Post by: Darwins Selection on April 12, 2020, 11:33:47 AM
(https://gitikapartington.files.wordpress.com/2011/08/images-3.jpeg)Still lol: lol: lol:I hear that the people of Afghanistan don't like the Flintstones but the people of Abu Dhabi do.
redface:
AFFS !!!
Do we need a pub statute of limitations on Affs?
No. Affs is eternal, like Keith Richards.
At no point was Keith in Eternal ..see below ...Eternal was a British R&B girl group formed in 1992 with the line-up consisting of Easther Bennett and her older sister Vernie Bennett, with Kéllé Bryan and her friend and classmate Louise Nurding (now known as Louise Redknapp)....
noooo:
Post by: Barman on April 12, 2020, 12:23:54 PM
(https://gitikapartington.files.wordpress.com/2011/08/images-3.jpeg)Still lol: lol: lol:I hear that the people of Afghanistan don't like the Flintstones but the people of Abu Dhabi do.
redface:
AFFS !!!
Do we need a pub statute of limitations on Affs?
No. Affs is eternal, like Keith Richards.
At no point was Keith in Eternal ..see below ...Eternal was a British R&B girl group formed in 1992 with the line-up consisting of Easther Bennett and her older sister Vernie Bennett, with Kéllé Bryan and her friend and classmate Louise Nurding (now known as Louise Redknapp)....
noooo:
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Steve on April 12, 2020, 10:20:18 PM
I said "Wow! To scale?"
He said "No, just to look at"
Post by: apc2010 on April 12, 2020, 10:27:31 PM
My dad showed me his new Mount Everest replica today
I said "Wow! To scale?"
He said "No, just to look at"
drumroll:
Post by: Barman on April 13, 2020, 05:32:55 AM
My dad showed me his new Mount Everest replica today
I said "Wow! To scale?"
He said "No, just to look at"
happy001
Post by: Just One More on April 13, 2020, 06:46:44 AM
My dad showed me his new Mount Everest replica today
I said "Wow! To scale?"
He said "No, just to look at"
drumroll:
drumroll: drumroll:
Post by: Darwins Selection on April 13, 2020, 08:56:57 AM
drumroll: drumroll: drumroll:My dad showed me his new Mount Everest replica today
I said "Wow! To scale?"
He said "No, just to look at"
drumroll:
drumroll: drumroll:
Post by: apc2010 on April 14, 2020, 08:08:41 PM
Lucky twat!.........
Post by: apc2010 on April 14, 2020, 09:42:32 PM
Post by: Steve on April 14, 2020, 10:05:27 PM
A simple typographical error, and your whole post is urined.... noooo:lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Just One More on April 14, 2020, 10:42:25 PM
A simple typographical error, and your whole post is urined.... noooo:lol: lol: lol:
lol: lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Darwins Selection on April 15, 2020, 07:39:27 AM
lol: lol: lol: lol: lol:A simple typographical error, and your whole post is urined.... noooo:lol: lol: lol:
lol: lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Barman on April 15, 2020, 07:52:26 AM
lol: lol: lol: lol: lol: lol:lol: lol: lol: lol: lol:A simple typographical error, and your whole post is urined.... noooo:lol: lol: lol:
lol: lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Steve on April 15, 2020, 03:29:19 PM
They’ve got enough on their plates as it is.
Post by: Barman on April 15, 2020, 03:41:47 PM
It’s not nice making fun of fat people.
They’ve got enough on their plates as it is.
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: apc2010 on April 15, 2020, 04:15:04 PM
A. Canada and Mexico.............................. Thumbs:
Post by: Steve on April 15, 2020, 04:53:08 PM
Q. What borders on stupidity......................................?lol: lol: lol:
A. Canada and Mexico.............................. Thumbs:
Post by: Just One More on April 15, 2020, 05:58:27 PM
It’s not nice making fun of fat people.
They’ve got enough on their plates as it is.
lol: lol: lol:
lol: lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Just One More on April 15, 2020, 05:59:05 PM
Q. What borders on stupidity......................................?lol: lol: lol:
A. Canada and Mexico.............................. Thumbs:
lol: lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Darwins Selection on April 16, 2020, 08:36:36 AM
lol: lol: lol: lol: lol:Q. What borders on stupidity......................................?lol: lol: lol:
A. Canada and Mexico.............................. Thumbs:
lol: lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Steve on April 16, 2020, 03:20:02 PM
I would be her type.
Post by: Barman on April 16, 2020, 03:20:22 PM
If I got a pound for each time a woman said, 'you're not my type'
I would be her type.
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Steve on April 16, 2020, 04:59:21 PM
Well, said I, they did come out of the closet...
Post by: Just One More on April 16, 2020, 05:33:14 PM
If I got a pound for each time a woman said, 'you're not my type'
I would be her type.
lol: lol: lol:
lol: lol: lol: lol:
Post by: apc2010 on April 16, 2020, 06:47:16 PM
LL......... "At least we know it'll be quick"................. whistle:
Post by: Barman on April 17, 2020, 05:37:30 AM
BM to LL "When I die," I'd like to die having sex"......................
LL......... "At least we know it'll be quick"................. whistle:
cussing:
Post by: Steve on April 17, 2020, 04:30:26 PM
They've called it ICU Jimmy
Post by: The Moan Ranger on April 17, 2020, 04:54:38 PM
The new nightingale hospital has opened in Glasgow.
They've called it ICU Jimmy
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Barman on April 17, 2020, 06:24:22 PM
lol: lol: lol: lol:The new nightingale hospital has opened in Glasgow.
They've called it ICU Jimmy
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Just One More on April 17, 2020, 07:02:49 PM
lol: lol: lol: lol:The new nightingale hospital has opened in Glasgow.
They've called it ICU Jimmy
lol: lol: lol:
lol: lol: lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Darwins Selection on April 17, 2020, 10:15:44 PM
lol: lol: lol: lol: lol:If I got a pound for each time a woman said, 'you're not my type'
I would be her type.
lol: lol: lol:
lol: lol: lol: lol:
Post by: apc2010 on April 20, 2020, 08:36:10 PM
Post by: Steve on April 20, 2020, 09:27:44 PM
Post by: Darwins Selection on April 20, 2020, 09:57:12 PM
Post by: Just One More on April 21, 2020, 05:20:56 AM
tunble: tunble:
Even though it's in "Hat... coat" tunble: tunble: tunble:
Post by: Barman on April 21, 2020, 07:04:37 AM
Just watching Australian Masterchef, and a contestant made a meringue, when the crowd started clapping and cheering, I said “That's unusual from an Australian audience. They normally boo meringues!"............. redface: redface:
lol: redface: redface: redface:
Post by: apc2010 on April 21, 2020, 09:02:07 PM
He said I once bought a plane for Heather Mills for Xmas, and a tub of Immac for the other one................
Post by: Steve on April 21, 2020, 09:03:08 PM
Paul McCartney was once asked what was the most expensive gift he ever bought anyone..........?lol: lol: redface:
He said I once bought a plane for Heather Mills for Xmas, and a tub of Immac for the other one................
Post by: Barman on April 22, 2020, 04:56:19 AM
Paul McCartney was once asked what was the most expensive gift he ever bought anyone..........?
He said I once bought a plane for Heather Mills for Xmas, and a tub of Immac for the other one................
happy001
Post by: Just One More on April 22, 2020, 05:39:05 AM
Paul McCartney was once asked what was the most expensive gift he ever bought anyone..........?
He said I once bought a plane for Heather Mills for Xmas, and a tub of Immac for the other one................
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Steve on April 23, 2020, 07:55:48 PM
She's now eighty two and he has no idea where she is.
Post by: Barman on April 24, 2020, 05:20:36 AM
When Jim's mother was sixty eight she started walking five miles a day.
She's now eighty two and he has no idea where she is.
razz:
Post by: Steve on April 26, 2020, 10:30:22 AM
is reincarnation making a come back??
Post by: Barman on April 26, 2020, 10:31:34 AM
I was just wondering,
is reincarnation making a come back??
That tinned milk stuff...? rubschin:
Post by: Steve on April 26, 2020, 11:43:34 AM
:thumbsup: what else?I was just wondering,
is reincarnation making a come back??
That tinned milk stuff...? rubschin:
Post by: Steve on April 27, 2020, 11:54:21 AM
some minority would probably mug me for it.
Post by: Barman on April 27, 2020, 12:03:14 PM
If I had a pound for every racist thing I've said,
some minority would probably mug me for it.
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: apc2010 on April 27, 2020, 12:46:51 PM
If I had a pound for every racist thing I've said,
some minority would probably mug me for it.
lol: lol: lol:
;D ;D ;D Thumbs:
Post by: Steve on April 27, 2020, 07:09:44 PM
Post by: Just One More on April 27, 2020, 07:30:28 PM
If I had a pound for every racist thing I've said,
some minority would probably mug me for it.
lol: lol: lol:
;D ;D ;D Thumbs:
lol: lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Steve on April 28, 2020, 03:27:32 PM
They got excited and asked if I could drive a truck.
Post by: apc2010 on April 28, 2020, 04:22:54 PM
This is upsetting news as I had no idea I was Japanese...... noooo:
Post by: Steve on April 28, 2020, 04:24:55 PM
British couples have sex two to three times a week, where as Japanese couples have sex only one to three times a month...... rubschin:lol: lol: lol:
This is upsetting news as I had no idea I was Japanese...... noooo:
Post by: Barman on April 28, 2020, 06:18:28 PM
British couples have sex two to three times a week, where as Japanese couples have sex only one to three times a month...... rubschin:
This is upsetting news as I had no idea I was Japanese...... noooo:
point: point: point:
Post by: apc2010 on April 29, 2020, 08:16:21 PM
is that a tooth pic ........ rubschin:
Post by: Steve on April 29, 2020, 08:36:27 PM
When the dentists does x-rays .........lol:
is that a tooth pic ........ rubschin:
Post by: Darwins Selection on April 29, 2020, 09:54:04 PM
lol: lol:When the dentists does x-rays .........lol:
is that a tooth pic ........ rubschin:
Post by: Barman on April 30, 2020, 05:54:47 AM
lol: lol: lol:lol: lol:When the dentists does x-rays .........lol:
is that a tooth pic ........ rubschin:
Post by: apc2010 on May 04, 2020, 07:08:20 PM
"Itchy sore fanny how we don't talk anymore!.... redface:
Post by: Steve on May 04, 2020, 07:12:19 PM
I saw Cliff Richard in my local Chinese takeaway recently. The owner said to him, "You sing my favourite song I give you free meal!" Cliff replied, "Sure, what do you want to hear?" The man said, "itchy sore fanny!" Cliff looked confused and said, "Sorry, that's not one of my songs" "Yes" said the man.facepalm:
"Itchy sore fanny how we don't talk anymore!.... redface:
Post by: Barman on May 05, 2020, 05:00:14 AM
I saw Cliff Richard in my local Chinese takeaway recently. The owner said to him, "You sing my favourite song I give you free meal!" Cliff replied, "Sure, what do you want to hear?" The man said, "itchy sore fanny!" Cliff looked confused and said, "Sorry, that's not one of my songs" "Yes" said the man.
"Itchy sore fanny how we don't talk anymore!.... redface:
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Darwins Selection on May 05, 2020, 08:55:00 AM
lol: lol: lol: lol:I saw Cliff Richard in my local Chinese takeaway recently. The owner said to him, "You sing my favourite song I give you free meal!" Cliff replied, "Sure, what do you want to hear?" The man said, "itchy sore fanny!" Cliff looked confused and said, "Sorry, that's not one of my songs" "Yes" said the man.
"Itchy sore fanny how we don't talk anymore!.... redface:
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: apc2010 on May 05, 2020, 06:40:19 PM
Sent him a Get Well soon card......... Thumbs:
Post by: Steve on May 05, 2020, 06:48:24 PM
My mate can't pay his water bill ...... noooo:lol: lol: lol:
Sent him a Get Well soon card......... Thumbs:
Post by: Barman on May 05, 2020, 06:54:03 PM
lol: lol: lol: lol:My mate can't pay his water bill ...... noooo:lol: lol: lol:
Sent him a Get Well soon card......... Thumbs:
Post by: Just One More on May 05, 2020, 07:14:28 PM
lol: lol: lol: lol:My mate can't pay his water bill ...... noooo:lol: lol: lol:
Sent him a Get Well soon card......... Thumbs:
lol: lol: lol: lol: lol:
Post by: apc2010 on May 05, 2020, 07:32:48 PM
I was going to confront him but I got cold feet...... whistle:
Post by: apc2010 on May 05, 2020, 10:46:02 PM
It's up to almost 5 TB."..................... whistle:
Post by: Darwins Selection on May 05, 2020, 11:27:40 PM
lol: lol: lol: lol: lol: lol:lol: lol: lol: lol:My mate can't pay his water bill ...... noooo:lol: lol: lol:
Sent him a Get Well soon card......... Thumbs:
lol: lol: lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Just One More on May 06, 2020, 06:18:08 PM
I saw my neighbour stealing my socks off my washing line...... evil:
I was going to confront him but I got cold feet...... whistle:
lol: lol:
Post by: Just One More on May 06, 2020, 06:18:33 PM
BM ...."I don't like to brag, but I have a huge sex drive........
It's up to almost 5 TB."..................... whistle:
lol: lol:
Post by: Barman on May 06, 2020, 06:19:18 PM
BM ...."I don't like to brag, but I have a huge sex drive........
It's up to almost 5 TB."..................... whistle:
evil: redface:
Post by: Steve on May 06, 2020, 06:23:55 PM
lol: lol: lol:I saw my neighbour stealing my socks off my washing line...... evil:
I was going to confront him but I got cold feet...... whistle:
lol: lol:
Post by: Steve on May 06, 2020, 06:24:35 PM
lol: lol: lol:BM ...."I don't like to brag, but I have a huge sex drive........
It's up to almost 5 TB."..................... whistle:
lol: lol:
Post by: apc2010 on May 06, 2020, 08:51:23 PM
Witnesses were stunned, startled, aghast, taken aback, stupefied, confused, shocked, rattled, paralysed, dazed, bewildered, mixed up, surprised, awed, dumbfounded, nonplussed, flabbergasted, astounded, amazed, confounded, astonished, overwhelmed, horrified, numbed, speechless, and perplexed."................ redface:
Post by: Steve on May 06, 2020, 10:55:50 PM
"A truck loaded with thousands of copies of Roget's Thesaurus crashed yesterday losing its entire load..........lol: lol: lol:
Witnesses were stunned, startled, aghast, taken aback, stupefied, confused, shocked, rattled, paralysed, dazed, bewildered, mixed up, surprised, awed, dumbfounded, nonplussed, flabbergasted, astounded, amazed, confounded, astonished, overwhelmed, horrified, numbed, speechless, and perplexed."................ redface:
Post by: Barman on May 07, 2020, 04:33:18 AM
lol: lol: lol: lol:"A truck loaded with thousands of copies of Roget's Thesaurus crashed yesterday losing its entire load..........lol: lol: lol:
Witnesses were stunned, startled, aghast, taken aback, stupefied, confused, shocked, rattled, paralysed, dazed, bewildered, mixed up, surprised, awed, dumbfounded, nonplussed, flabbergasted, astounded, amazed, confounded, astonished, overwhelmed, horrified, numbed, speechless, and perplexed."................ redface:
Post by: Steve on May 07, 2020, 11:04:43 AM
lol: lol: lol: lol:"A truck loaded with thousands of copies of Roget's Thesaurus crashed yesterday losing its entire load..........lol: lol: lol:
Witnesses were stunned, startled, aghast, taken aback, stupefied, confused, shocked, rattled, paralysed, dazed, bewildered, mixed up, surprised, awed, dumbfounded, nonplussed, flabbergasted, astounded, amazed, confounded, astonished, overwhelmed, horrified, numbed, speechless, and perplexed."................ redface:
Think it's an Affs, rerun, deja vu, repeat, copy . . . . .
Post by: apc2010 on May 07, 2020, 07:27:54 PM
I said "you know anything about cars mate?" rubschin:
He said in a posh voice "no...I'm a chiropodist"............
I said "well any chance you give me a fuckin toe then?......... whistle:
Post by: Steve on May 07, 2020, 08:25:44 PM
Just broke down on the way home,and was looking at the engine when a jaguar pulled up............lol:
I said "you know anything about cars mate?" rubschin:
He said in a posh voice "no...I'm a chiropodist"............
I said "well any chance you give me a fuckin toe then?......... whistle:
Post by: Barman on May 08, 2020, 03:25:31 AM
Just broke down on the way home,and was looking at the engine when a jaguar pulled up............
I said "you know anything about cars mate?" rubschin:
He said in a posh voice "no...I'm a chiropodist"............
I said "well any chance you give me a fuckin toe then?......... whistle:
facepalm:
Post by: Darwins Selection on May 08, 2020, 09:21:28 AM
facepalm: facepalm:Just broke down on the way home,and was looking at the engine when a jaguar pulled up............
I said "you know anything about cars mate?" rubschin:
He said in a posh voice "no...I'm a chiropodist"............
I said "well any chance you give me a fuckin toe then?......... whistle:
facepalm:
Post by: apc2010 on May 11, 2020, 08:58:29 PM
"Swede.....Carrots ......Lime.......".......
redface:
Post by: Steve on May 11, 2020, 10:53:05 PM
Post by: Barman on May 12, 2020, 03:47:22 AM
Neil Diamond has shared his secret of his youthful looks ........
"Swede.....Carrots ......Lime.......".......
redface:
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: apc2010 on May 12, 2020, 08:14:12 PM
knew F77K all about carpet nor Lino ......... noooo:
Post by: Steve on May 12, 2020, 09:14:03 PM
The 1st 5 florists I called from the yellow pages ...lol: lol: lol:
knew F77K all about carpet nor Lino ......... noooo:
Post by: Just One More on May 12, 2020, 09:28:35 PM
The 1st 5 florists I called from the yellow pages ...lol: lol: lol:
knew F77K all about carpet nor Lino ......... noooo:
lol: lol: lol: lol:
Post by: apc2010 on May 12, 2020, 09:35:51 PM
I wonder what his handicap is....................... rubschin:
Post by: Steve on May 12, 2020, 09:48:54 PM
Saw a golf buggy parked in a disabled bay this morning and thought to myself.....lol:
I wonder what his handicap is....................... rubschin:
Post by: Darwins Selection on May 12, 2020, 09:51:02 PM
lol: lol: lol: lol: lol:The 1st 5 florists I called from the yellow pages ...lol: lol: lol:
knew F77K all about carpet nor Lino ......... noooo:
lol: lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Barman on May 13, 2020, 06:16:00 AM
lol: lol: lol: lol: lol:The 1st 5 florists I called from the yellow pages ...lol: lol: lol:
knew F77K all about carpet nor Lino ......... noooo:
lol: lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Barman on May 13, 2020, 06:16:20 AM
lol: lol:Saw a golf buggy parked in a disabled bay this morning and thought to myself.....lol:
I wonder what his handicap is....................... rubschin:
Post by: apc2010 on May 17, 2020, 05:40:25 PM
The Police have a SWAT team ..... Thumbs:
Post by: Steve on May 17, 2020, 07:48:44 PM
All this talk of killer hornets .....lol:
The Police have a SWAT team ..... Thumbs:
Post by: Barman on May 18, 2020, 05:37:05 AM
lol: lol:All this talk of killer hornets .....lol:
The Police have a SWAT team ..... Thumbs:
Post by: Grumpmeister on May 18, 2020, 11:05:42 AM
lol: lol:All this talk of killer hornets .....lol:
The Police have a SWAT team ..... Thumbs:
lol: lol: lol:
Personally I approve the use of automatic weapons, flamethrowers and whatever the hell else may get rid of them... scared2:
(https://i.ytimg.com/vi/RltPFVgPkmI/maxresdefault.jpg)
Post by: Barman on May 18, 2020, 11:19:04 AM
lol: lol:All this talk of killer hornets .....lol:
The Police have a SWAT team ..... Thumbs:
lol: lol: lol:
Personally I approve the use of automatic weapons, flamethrowers and whatever the hell else may get rid of them... scared2:
(https://i.ytimg.com/vi/RltPFVgPkmI/maxresdefault.jpg)
eeek:
Post by: Steve on May 18, 2020, 11:27:54 AM
scared2:lol: lol:All this talk of killer hornets .....lol:
The Police have a SWAT team ..... Thumbs:
lol: lol: lol:
Personally I approve the use of automatic weapons, flamethrowers and whatever the hell else may get rid of them... scared2:
(https://i.ytimg.com/vi/RltPFVgPkmI/maxresdefault.jpg)
eeek:
Post by: Grumpmeister on May 18, 2020, 11:36:03 AM
scared2:lol: lol:All this talk of killer hornets .....lol:
The Police have a SWAT team ..... Thumbs:
lol: lol: lol:
Personally I approve the use of automatic weapons, flamethrowers and whatever the hell else may get rid of them... scared2:
(https://i.ytimg.com/vi/RltPFVgPkmI/maxresdefault.jpg)
eeek:
I'm pretty sure that those things are the sole reason for Rule 37 rubschin:
Post by: apc2010 on May 21, 2020, 02:31:27 PM
I said, "That's a myth."............
She said, "No, it's definitely a butterfly!"............ redface:
Post by: Barman on May 21, 2020, 04:40:48 PM
My wife said, "Did you know butterflies only live for one day?".........
I said, "That's a myth."............
She said, "No, it's definitely a butterfly!"............ redface:
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Steve on May 21, 2020, 08:06:02 PM
lol: lol: lol: lol:My wife said, "Did you know butterflies only live for one day?".........
I said, "That's a myth."............
She said, "No, it's definitely a butterfly!"............ redface:
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: apc2010 on May 22, 2020, 08:48:44 AM
I must say, he made a great job of the landing!..........
redface: redface:
Post by: Steve on May 22, 2020, 09:15:20 AM
Last week I employed a retired airline pilot to do some decorating for me.....lol: lol: lol:
I must say, he made a great job of the landing!..........
redface: redface:
Post by: Barman on May 22, 2020, 12:44:57 PM
lol: lol: lol: lol:Last week I employed a retired airline pilot to do some decorating for me.....lol: lol: lol:
I must say, he made a great job of the landing!..........
redface: redface:
Post by: apc2010 on May 22, 2020, 07:33:30 PM
When did this start happening........................?
When I was Lidl.............. whistle:
Post by: Steve on May 22, 2020, 08:33:57 PM
Post by: Barman on May 23, 2020, 06:06:58 AM
Doctor ..I think I'm a Supermarket.........
When did this start happening........................?
When I was Lidl.............. whistle:
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: apc2010 on May 23, 2020, 06:25:44 AM
They said; “Are you familiar with the letters HB?”...
I replied, “No, I’m not.”....
“How about LS?”....
“No.”
“What about JD?”...
I asked, “Hang on a minute, am I a suspect or something?”...........
The police officers said, “No, these are just initial enquires.”......... redface: redface:
Post by: Barman on May 23, 2020, 06:38:00 AM
Just had two Police Officers at my door!...
They said; “Are you familiar with the letters HB?”...
I replied, “No, I’m not.”....
“How about LS?”....
“No.”
“What about JD?”...
I asked, “Hang on a minute, am I a suspect or something?”...........
The police officers said, “No, these are just initial enquires.”......... redface: redface:
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Just One More on May 23, 2020, 06:40:13 AM
Just had two Police Officers at my door!...
They said; “Are you familiar with the letters HB?”...
I replied, “No, I’m not.”....
“How about LS?”....
“No.”
“What about JD?”...
I asked, “Hang on a minute, am I a suspect or something?”...........
The police officers said, “No, these are just initial enquires.”......... redface: redface:
lol: lol: lol:
lol: lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Darwins Selection on May 23, 2020, 08:03:47 AM
lol: lol: lol: lol: lol:Just had two Police Officers at my door!...
They said; “Are you familiar with the letters HB?”...
I replied, “No, I’m not.”....
“How about LS?”....
“No.”
“What about JD?”...
I asked, “Hang on a minute, am I a suspect or something?”...........
The police officers said, “No, these are just initial enquires.”......... redface: redface:
lol: lol: lol:
lol: lol: lol: lol:
Post by: apc2010 on May 23, 2020, 08:27:00 AM
I’ve been filming it for a good 20 minutes now and sod all has happened.....
F88king waste of bloody money........ noooo:
Post by: Barman on May 23, 2020, 08:46:25 AM
I bought a lasagne from Asda. The instructions said “remove outer packaging and film lid”.............
I’ve been filming it for a good 20 minutes now and sod all has happened.....
F88king waste of bloody money........ noooo:
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Just One More on May 23, 2020, 09:37:09 AM
I bought a lasagne from Asda. The instructions said “remove outer packaging and film lid”.............
I’ve been filming it for a good 20 minutes now and sod all has happened.....
F88king waste of bloody money........ noooo:
lol: lol: lol:
lol: lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Steve on May 23, 2020, 11:22:42 AM
lol: lol: lol: lol: lol: lol:lol: lol: lol: lol: lol:Just had two Police Officers at my door!...
They said; “Are you familiar with the letters HB?”...
I replied, “No, I’m not.”....
“How about LS?”....
“No.”
“What about JD?”...
I asked, “Hang on a minute, am I a suspect or something?”...........
The police officers said, “No, these are just initial enquires.”......... redface: redface:
lol: lol: lol:
lol: lol: lol: lol:
Post by: apc2010 on May 23, 2020, 12:36:52 PM
Post by: Barman on May 23, 2020, 01:22:41 PM
I think all astrology is bollocks but then I would ...being a typical Aquarias ....
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Just One More on May 23, 2020, 08:31:27 PM
Post by: apc2010 on May 23, 2020, 08:43:57 PM
A man who has trained his dog to play the trumpet on the London Underground said he went from Barking to Tooting in just over an hour
;D ;D
But an AFFS...... rubschin:
Post by: Steve on May 23, 2020, 08:46:00 PM
Still lol: lol: lol:A man who has trained his dog to play the trumpet on the London Underground said he went from Barking to Tooting in just over an hour
;D ;D
But an AFFS...... rubschin:
Post by: Barman on May 24, 2020, 04:20:48 AM
lol: lol: lol: lol:Still lol: lol: lol:A man who has trained his dog to play the trumpet on the London Underground said he went from Barking to Tooting in just over an hour
;D ;D
But an AFFS...... rubschin:
Post by: Steve on May 24, 2020, 12:38:24 PM
Now that’s a job I could see myself doing..
Post by: Barman on May 24, 2020, 12:57:27 PM
Been offered a part time job Cleaning mirrors.
Now that’s a job I could see myself doing..
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Just One More on May 24, 2020, 05:40:11 PM
Been offered a part time job Cleaning mirrors.
Now that’s a job I could see myself doing..
lol: lol: lol:
lol: lol: lol: lol:
Post by: apc2010 on May 25, 2020, 05:03:02 AM
I saw a bloke buying four crates of San Miguel, five Paellas, and three sombreros.
I thought to myself,
Hispanic buying............
Post by: Barman on May 25, 2020, 06:10:46 AM
Just got back from my local Tesco.........
I saw a bloke buying four crates of San Miguel, five Paellas, and three sombreros.
I thought to myself,
Hispanic buying............
AFFS... ::)
https://www.virtual-pub.com/SMF/index.php?topic=14051.msg685112#msg685112
Post by: Just One More on May 25, 2020, 09:29:33 AM
I can’t find the words to tell you how pissed off I am !
Post by: Steve on May 25, 2020, 09:57:31 AM
Bought a thesaurus from eBay, I just got home, it's been delivered. I've opened it, I can’t believe it all the pages are blanklol: lol: lol:
I can’t find the words to tell you how pissed off I am !
Post by: apc2010 on May 25, 2020, 10:07:18 AM
Bought a thesaurus from eBay, I just got home, it's been delivered. I've opened it, I can’t believe it all the pages are blanklol: lol: lol:
I can’t find the words to tell you how pissed off I am !
;D ;D ;D
Post by: apc2010 on May 25, 2020, 03:46:38 PM
I ordered some dates and they sent me a calendar........ noooo:
Post by: apc2010 on May 28, 2020, 01:00:19 PM
The next morning she hears a knock at the door, it’s the same man and he asks the same question to the woman, "Do you have a Vagina?" She slams the door again.
Later that night when her husband gets home she tell him what has happened for the last two days. The husband tells his wife in a loving and concerned voice, "Honey, I am taking tomorrow off so as to be home, just incase this guy shows up again."
The next morning they hear a knock at the door and both ran for the door.
The husband whispers to the wife, "Honey, i’m going to hide behind the door and listen and if it is the same guy I want you to answer yes to the question because I want to see where he's going with this."
She nods yes to her husband and opens the door. Sure enough the same fellow is standing there, he asks, "Do you have a Vagina?"
"Yes I do." says the lady............
The man replies, "Good, would you mind telling your husband to leave my wife's alone and start using yours!".............. redface:
Post by: Steve on May 28, 2020, 01:25:46 PM
A woman is at home when she hears someone knocking at her door. She goes to the door opens it and sees a man standing there. He asks the lady, "Do you have a Vagina?" She slams the door in disgust.Affs https://www.virtual-pub.com/SMF/index.php?topic=9750.msg368542#msg368542
The next morning she hears a knock at the door, it’s the same man and he asks the same question to the woman, "Do you have a Vagina?" She slams the door again.
Later that night when her husband gets home she tell him what has happened for the last two days. The husband tells his wife in a loving and concerned voice, "Honey, I am taking tomorrow off so as to be home, just incase this guy shows up again."
The next morning they hear a knock at the door and both ran for the door.
The husband whispers to the wife, "Honey, i’m going to hide behind the door and listen and if it is the same guy I want you to answer yes to the question because I want to see where he's going with this."
She nods yes to her husband and opens the door. Sure enough the same fellow is standing there, he asks, "Do you have a Vagina?"
"Yes I do." says the lady............
The man replies, "Good, would you mind telling your husband to leave my wife's alone and start using yours!".............. redface:
Post by: Barman on May 28, 2020, 01:42:48 PM
A woman is at home when she hears someone knocking at her door. She goes to the door opens it and sees a man standing there. He asks the lady, "Do you have a Vagina?" She slams the door in disgust.
The next morning she hears a knock at the door, it’s the same man and he asks the same question to the woman, "Do you have a Vagina?" She slams the door again.
Later that night when her husband gets home she tell him what has happened for the last two days. The husband tells his wife in a loving and concerned voice, "Honey, I am taking tomorrow off so as to be home, just incase this guy shows up again."
The next morning they hear a knock at the door and both ran for the door.
The husband whispers to the wife, "Honey, i’m going to hide behind the door and listen and if it is the same guy I want you to answer yes to the question because I want to see where he's going with this."
She nods yes to her husband and opens the door. Sure enough the same fellow is standing there, he asks, "Do you have a Vagina?"
"Yes I do." says the lady............
The man replies, "Good, would you mind telling your husband to leave my wife's alone and start using yours!".............. redface:
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: apc2010 on June 02, 2020, 04:33:52 PM
I thought it had a nice ring to it............... redface:
Post by: Grumpmeister on June 03, 2020, 10:37:35 PM
My friend looked at me like I was crazy when I told him I had named my new born baby boy "Samsung"...........
I thought it had a nice ring to it............... redface:
facepalm:
Post by: Barman on June 04, 2020, 03:32:51 AM
My friend looked at me like I was crazy when I told him I had named my new born baby boy "Samsung"...........
I thought it had a nice ring to it............... redface:
facepalm:
facepalm: facepalm:
Post by: apc2010 on June 04, 2020, 04:38:32 PM
He said, "Are you mad at her?".............. redface:
Post by: Barman on June 04, 2020, 04:41:19 PM
I said to my mate,......... "My wife keeps asking me if I'm an Alice in Wonderland character, and it's getting very annoying!"............
He said, "Are you mad at her?".............. redface:
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: apc2010 on June 04, 2020, 10:14:51 PM
I was Tolkien in my sleep .................. redface:
Post by: Steve on June 04, 2020, 10:22:15 PM
I had a dream last night that I wrote the Hobbit and Lord of the rings ....lol:
I was Tolkien in my sleep .................. redface:
Post by: Barman on June 05, 2020, 03:39:33 AM
I had a dream last night that I wrote the Hobbit and Lord of the rings ....
I was Tolkien in my sleep .................. redface:
facepalm:
Post by: Darwins Selection on June 05, 2020, 02:04:28 PM
lol: lol:I had a dream last night that I wrote the Hobbit and Lord of the rings ....
I was Tolkien in my sleep .................. redface:
facepalm:
Post by: apc2010 on June 05, 2020, 02:19:16 PM
It is hoped that the familiar sounds of the city will induce a return to tranquillity and normality following the recent pandemic..............
Operation Toot 'n Calm 'Em will last for the rest of the week............. whistle:
Post by: Just One More on June 05, 2020, 02:51:58 PM
The Government in Egypt has asked the city's taxi drivers to drive around Cairo sounding their car horns........
It is hoped that the familiar sounds of the city will induce a return to tranquillity and normality following the recent pandemic..............
Operation Toot 'n Calm 'Em will last for the rest of the week............. whistle:
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Steve on June 05, 2020, 03:21:22 PM
lol: lol: lol: lol:The Government in Egypt has asked the city's taxi drivers to drive around Cairo sounding their car horns........
It is hoped that the familiar sounds of the city will induce a return to tranquillity and normality following the recent pandemic..............
Operation Toot 'n Calm 'Em will last for the rest of the week............. whistle:
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Barman on June 05, 2020, 05:12:46 PM
lol: lol: lol: lol: lol:lol: lol: lol: lol:The Government in Egypt has asked the city's taxi drivers to drive around Cairo sounding their car horns........
It is hoped that the familiar sounds of the city will induce a return to tranquillity and normality following the recent pandemic..............
Operation Toot 'n Calm 'Em will last for the rest of the week............. whistle:
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: apc2010 on June 05, 2020, 06:11:02 PM
She claims that she found it by Accident.................
redface: redface:
Post by: Barman on June 05, 2020, 06:18:16 PM
Police have arrested a woman for stealing a sign that read "& Emergency"...
She claims that she found it by Accident.................
redface: redface:
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: apc2010 on June 05, 2020, 06:19:12 PM
£40,000 - £45,000
So I phoned them up and said...
"The answer is -£5,000."......
Thumbs:
Post by: Barman on June 05, 2020, 06:26:35 PM
ACCOUNTANT NEEDED
£40,000 - £45,000
So I phoned them up and said...
"The answer is -£5,000."......
Thumbs:
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Steve on June 05, 2020, 06:54:40 PM
lol: lol: lol: lol:Police have arrested a woman for stealing a sign that read "& Emergency"...
She claims that she found it by Accident.................
redface: redface:
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: apc2010 on June 06, 2020, 01:26:35 AM
Police said he will get a tough sentence............... Thumbs:
Post by: Barman on June 06, 2020, 03:57:01 AM
The World Tongue Twister Champion has been arrested,..............
Police said he will get a tough sentence............... Thumbs:
;D
Post by: Steve on June 06, 2020, 06:47:18 AM
lol: lol:The World Tongue Twister Champion has been arrested,..............
Police said he will get a tough sentence............... Thumbs:
;D
Post by: Just One More on June 06, 2020, 07:00:53 AM
lol: lol: lol: lol:Police have arrested a woman for stealing a sign that read "& Emergency"...
She claims that she found it by Accident.................
redface: redface:
lol: lol: lol:
lol: lol: lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Just One More on June 06, 2020, 07:02:52 AM
ACCOUNTANT NEEDED
£40,000 - £45,000
So I phoned them up and said...
"The answer is -£5,000."......
Thumbs:
lol: lol: lol:
lol: lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Just One More on June 06, 2020, 07:04:03 AM
lol: lol:The World Tongue Twister Champion has been arrested,..............
Police said he will get a tough sentence............... Thumbs:
;D
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Darwins Selection on June 06, 2020, 08:53:27 AM
lol: lol: lol: lol:lol: lol:The World Tongue Twister Champion has been arrested,..............
Police said he will get a tough sentence............... Thumbs:
;D
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: apc2010 on June 08, 2020, 07:44:21 PM
I thought, ‘that’s Abba-riginal................. redface:
Post by: Steve on June 08, 2020, 08:49:48 PM
I met this bloke with a didgeridoo and he was playing Dancing Queen on it......lol:
I thought, ‘that’s Abba-riginal................. redface:
Post by: apc2010 on June 08, 2020, 11:08:19 PM
I said aww bless you son why he said cos grandma said when you croak we’re all going to Disneyland.........
Post by: Barman on June 09, 2020, 04:01:58 AM
My grandson said make a noise like a frog grandad,.......
I said aww bless you son why he said cos grandma said when you croak we’re all going to Disneyland.........
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Darwins Selection on June 09, 2020, 10:48:08 AM
lol: lol: lol: lol:My grandson said make a noise like a frog grandad,.......
I said aww bless you son why he said cos grandma said when you croak we’re all going to Disneyland.........
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Steve on June 09, 2020, 10:50:46 AM
lol: lol: lol: lol: lol:lol: lol: lol: lol:My grandson said make a noise like a frog grandad,.......
I said aww bless you son why he said cos grandma said when you croak we’re all going to Disneyland.........
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: apc2010 on June 11, 2020, 06:23:54 PM
but so far I've made 3 jugs and a vase ...so F66k them .. Thumbs:
Post by: Barman on June 11, 2020, 06:25:07 PM
They told me at school I would never be any good at poetry , because I.m dyslexic ...
but so far I've made 3 jugs and a vase ...so F66k them .. Thumbs:
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: apc2010 on June 11, 2020, 06:57:45 PM
He still can't say "please" though, which I think is poor for four......... noooo:
Post by: Just One More on June 11, 2020, 06:58:20 PM
They told me at school I would never be any good at poetry , because I.m dyslexic ...
but so far I've made 3 jugs and a vase ...so F66k them .. Thumbs:
lol: lol: lol:
lol: lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Just One More on June 11, 2020, 06:59:30 PM
My 4-year-old nephew has been learning Spanish since lockdown..........
He still can't say "please" though, which I think is poor for four......... noooo:
lol: lol:
Post by: Barman on June 11, 2020, 07:04:25 PM
lol: lol: lol:My 4-year-old nephew has been learning Spanish since lockdown..........
He still can't say "please" though, which I think is poor for four......... noooo:
lol: lol:
Post by: Steve on June 11, 2020, 07:33:44 PM
lol: lol: lol: lol:lol: lol: lol:My 4-year-old nephew has been learning Spanish since lockdown..........
He still can't say "please" though, which I think is poor for four......... noooo:
lol: lol:
Post by: Darwins Selection on June 11, 2020, 08:21:43 PM
lol: lol: lol: lol: lol:lol: lol: lol: lol:lol: lol: lol:My 4-year-old nephew has been learning Spanish since lockdown..........
He still can't say "please" though, which I think is poor for four......... noooo:
lol: lol:
Post by: apc2010 on June 12, 2020, 10:58:24 PM
It's not gonna be my main income ....
I'm just doing it to make Hen's meet .......... redface:
Post by: Steve on June 12, 2020, 11:56:31 PM
Post by: apc2010 on June 13, 2020, 12:04:45 AM
I'm trying to put a brave face on it............. whistle:
Post by: Barman on June 13, 2020, 06:02:40 AM
I'm gonna start a dating website for chickens.... Thumbs:
It's not gonna be my main income ....
I'm just doing it to make Hen's meet .......... redface:
lol:
Post by: Barman on June 13, 2020, 06:03:09 AM
I got my Nephew an Action Man but he said he really wanted a red Indian..... evil:
I'm trying to put a brave face on it............. whistle:
Waaayyyyysssiiistttt! eeek:
Post by: Just One More on June 13, 2020, 07:17:12 AM
I got my Nephew an Action Man but he said he really wanted a red Indian..... evil:
I'm trying to put a brave face on it............. whistle:
lol: lol:
Post by: Steve on June 13, 2020, 08:59:31 AM
lol: lol: lol:I got my Nephew an Action Man but he said he really wanted a red Indian..... evil:
I'm trying to put a brave face on it............. whistle:
lol: lol:
Post by: Darwins Selection on June 13, 2020, 09:36:05 AM
lol: lol: lol: lol:lol: lol: lol:I got my Nephew an Action Man but he said he really wanted a red Indian..... evil:
I'm trying to put a brave face on it............. whistle:
lol: lol:
Post by: apc2010 on June 13, 2020, 06:16:17 PM
I got my Nephew an Action Man but he said he really wanted a red Indian..... evil:
I'm trying to put a brave face on it............. whistle:
Waaayyyyysssiiistttt! eeek:
Yeah coz that's my worst .... ::)
Post by: apc2010 on June 13, 2020, 06:49:08 PM
Bloody Cheek......... noooo:
Post by: Steve on June 13, 2020, 07:44:18 PM
Someone told me I don't know how to shave properly .... evil:lol:
Bloody Cheek......... noooo:
Post by: Barman on June 14, 2020, 05:56:44 AM
Someone told me I don't know how to shave properly .... evil:lol: lol: lol:
Bloody Cheek......... noooo:
Post by: Just One More on June 14, 2020, 08:27:33 AM
lol: lol: lol: lol:Someone told me I don't know how to shave properly .... evil:lol: lol: lol:
Bloody Cheek......... noooo:
Post by: apc2010 on June 14, 2020, 04:44:07 PM
But their turnovers are good ............ redface:
Post by: apc2010 on June 14, 2020, 04:53:38 PM
Got served straight away........ Thumbs:
Post by: Just One More on June 14, 2020, 06:14:32 PM
Apple have announced their profits are down ....
But their turnovers are good ............ redface:
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Just One More on June 14, 2020, 06:15:47 PM
Went to my local pub dressed up as a tennis ball.........
Got served straight away........ Thumbs:
lol:
Post by: Steve on June 14, 2020, 06:55:47 PM
lol: lol: lol: lol:Apple have announced their profits are down ....
But their turnovers are good ............ redface:
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Steve on June 14, 2020, 06:57:23 PM
lol: lol:Went to my local pub dressed up as a tennis ball.........
Got served straight away........ Thumbs:
lol:
Post by: apc2010 on June 14, 2020, 08:27:59 PM
Let me down on my order of a shepherds outfit.......... noooo:
Just can't get the staff.......... redface:
Post by: Steve on June 14, 2020, 08:31:53 PM
They're useless at the local fancy dress shop...........lol: lol: lol:
Let me down on my order of a shepherds outfit.......... noooo:
Just can't get the staff.......... redface:
Post by: Barman on June 15, 2020, 05:43:57 AM
lol: lol: lol: lol:They're useless at the local fancy dress shop...........lol: lol: lol:
Let me down on my order of a shepherds outfit.......... noooo:
Just can't get the staff.......... redface:
Post by: Just One More on June 15, 2020, 06:18:10 AM
lol: lol: lol: lol:They're useless at the local fancy dress shop...........lol: lol: lol:
Let me down on my order of a shepherds outfit.......... noooo:
Just can't get the staff.......... redface:
lol: lol: lol: lol: lol:
Post by: apc2010 on June 15, 2020, 04:21:23 PM
Don't chew ever ....Don't chew ever........ redface:
(free earworm ).......
Post by: Barman on June 15, 2020, 05:10:33 PM
Just started the Adam Ant diet .....
Don't chew ever ....Don't chew ever........ redface:
(free earworm ).......
lol: lol: lol:
evil:
Post by: apc2010 on June 15, 2020, 08:33:03 PM
Post by: Barman on June 16, 2020, 07:14:48 AM
I told my psychiatrist l was a cleptomainiac and he told me l had to take something for it............ rubschin:
facepalm:
Post by: Steve on June 16, 2020, 11:31:51 AM
lol: lol: lol:I told my psychiatrist l was a cleptomainiac and he told me l had to take something for it............ rubschin:
facepalm:
Post by: Just One More on June 16, 2020, 04:51:40 PM
lol: lol: lol:I told my psychiatrist l was a cleptomainiac and he told me l had to take something for it............ rubschin:
facepalm:
lol: lol: lol: lol:
Post by: apc2010 on June 16, 2020, 06:21:12 PM
He said "What's a Matayu?"......
And I replied "Shutupayourface."............ redface: redface: redface: redface:
Post by: Steve on June 16, 2020, 06:31:34 PM
Told my friend I had just seen a "Matayu." ..............lol:
He said "What's a Matayu?"......
And I replied "Shutupayourface."............ redface: redface: redface: redface:
Post by: apc2010 on June 16, 2020, 06:54:57 PM
Told my friend I had just seen a "Matayu." ..............lol:
He said "What's a Matayu?"......
And I replied "Shutupayourface."............ redface: redface: redface: redface:
I will never forget that song ...where I met Miss T ..sometimes I had to host the Karoake nights (I was a customer ..long before my entertainment )..and the owner was Cypriot and sang this with an accent... Thumbs: he only knew 2 songs in English .. the other one was Cracklin Rosie ...where the guitar was "himming" ?? ;D ;D
Fond memories .. cloud9:
Post by: Steve on June 16, 2020, 07:56:17 PM
Post by: apc2010 on June 16, 2020, 08:01:05 PM
I might go if I've nothing on........................ rubschin:
Post by: Just One More on June 16, 2020, 08:04:54 PM
Told my friend I had just seen a "Matayu." ..............lol:
He said "What's a Matayu?"......
And I replied "Shutupayourface."............ redface: redface: redface: redface:
I will never forget that song ...where I met Miss T ..sometimes I had to host the Karoake nights (I was a customer ..long before my entertainment )..and the owner was Cypriot and sang this with an accent... Thumbs: he only knew 2 songs in English .. the other one was Cracklin Rosie ...where the guitar was "himming" ?? ;D ;D
Fond memories .. cloud9:
lol: lol:
Post by: Just One More on June 16, 2020, 08:05:22 PM
Just seen there's a nudist convention on in town next week,.......
I might go if I've nothing on........................ rubschin:
lol: lol:
Post by: apc2010 on June 16, 2020, 08:11:00 PM
Doing Knights ...... redface:
Post by: Steve on June 16, 2020, 09:58:19 PM
lol: lol: lol:Just seen there's a nudist convention on in town next week,.......
I might go if I've nothing on........................ rubschin:
lol: lol:
Post by: apc2010 on June 16, 2020, 10:24:35 PM
But I stand corrected........... Thumbs:
Post by: Steve on June 16, 2020, 10:42:12 PM
I always thought orthopaedic shoes were overrated.......... rubschin:lol: lol: lol:
But I stand corrected........... Thumbs:
Post by: Barman on June 17, 2020, 05:07:48 AM
Post by: Grumpmeister on June 17, 2020, 07:16:48 AM
I told my psychiatrist l was a Kleptomainiac and he told me l had to take something for it............ rubschin:
whistle:
Post by: Steve on June 17, 2020, 05:00:55 PM
everyone is at home but they can’t go round.
Post by: Barman on June 18, 2020, 04:46:50 AM
It must really upset Jehovahs witnesses to know
everyone is at home but they can’t go round.
;D
Post by: apc2010 on June 18, 2020, 04:52:31 PM
So far, they've given no indication............. rubschin:
Post by: Barman on June 18, 2020, 06:11:58 PM
I've been watching the news to find out when BMW dealerships are going to be open again..............
So far, they've given no indication............. rubschin:
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Steve on June 18, 2020, 07:27:56 PM
lol: lol: lol: lol:I've been watching the news to find out when BMW dealerships are going to be open again..............
So far, they've given no indication............. rubschin:
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: apc2010 on June 18, 2020, 07:38:26 PM
I knew it was him because he had his back to the fuchsias............. whistle:
Post by: Steve on June 18, 2020, 08:12:30 PM
Post by: Barman on June 19, 2020, 04:00:20 AM
I've just seen the actor Michael J Fox in our local Garden Centre...........
I knew it was him because he had his back to the fuchsias............. whistle:
facepalm: You're opening those Xmas crackers early this year...? rubschin:
Post by: apc2010 on June 19, 2020, 10:00:21 PM
At the restaurant yesterday the waitress screamed “does anyone know CPR”.....??
I shouted back “Yes, I know the entire alphabet"........... Thumbs:
Post by: Steve on June 19, 2020, 11:19:38 PM
Post by: apc2010 on June 21, 2020, 12:30:01 AM
It’s on Chanel 5 right now........... whistle:
redface:
Post by: Barman on June 21, 2020, 03:45:57 AM
Is anyone watching the documentary on perfume ?
It’s on Chanel 5 right now........... whistle:
redface:
razz:
Post by: Steve on June 21, 2020, 10:45:47 AM
lol: lol:Is anyone watching the documentary on perfume ?
It’s on Chanel 5 right now........... whistle:
redface:
razz:
Post by: apc2010 on June 24, 2020, 01:53:33 PM
He says "Hi! I'm the meter man"........ whistle:
Post by: Barman on June 24, 2020, 01:54:00 PM
Little guy knocked on my door this morning. He was only 3 feet tall..........
He says "Hi! I'm the meter man"........ whistle:
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Steve on June 24, 2020, 03:28:13 PM
lol: lol: lol: lol:Little guy knocked on my door this morning. He was only 3 feet tall..........
He says "Hi! I'm the meter man"........ whistle:
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Darwins Selection on June 24, 2020, 08:36:57 PM
lol: lol: lol: lol: lol:lol: lol: lol: lol:Little guy knocked on my door this morning. He was only 3 feet tall..........
He says "Hi! I'm the meter man"........ whistle:
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: miss Tchevious on June 26, 2020, 07:29:39 PM
For Hispanic attacks ............. rubschin:
Post by: Barman on June 27, 2020, 05:18:35 AM
Why was the mexican taking valium .........
For Hispanic attacks ............. rubschin:
I was going to say AFFS but that was Hispanic buying.... redface:
Post by: miss Tchevious on June 27, 2020, 05:49:50 AM
Why was the mexican taking valium .........
For Hispanic attacks ............. rubschin:
I was going to say AFFS but that was Hispanic buying.... redface:
Wacist..... eeek: eeek:
Post by: Steve on June 27, 2020, 09:08:13 AM
Still an Affs reallyWhy was the mexican taking valium .........
For Hispanic attacks ............. rubschin:
I was going to say AFFS but that was Hispanic buying.... redface:
Post by: miss Tchevious on June 27, 2020, 06:18:58 PM
He said i'll have an orange,.........
barman said still orange?
He said yeah , I haven't changed my mind.......... noooo:
Post by: Steve on June 27, 2020, 08:18:50 PM
Post by: Barman on June 28, 2020, 05:16:35 AM
Man goes into a bar....
He said i'll have an orange,.........
barman said still orange?
He said yeah , I haven't changed my mind.......... noooo:
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: miss Tchevious on July 01, 2020, 09:08:39 AM
He asked “How long do you have for lunch?”..........
I said “Half an hour.”..........
He said “That seems okay to me.”............ Thumbs:
Post by: Barman on July 01, 2020, 09:23:22 AM
Took my car into a garage and asked the mechanic “Can you check my brakes?”...
He asked “How long do you have for lunch?”..........
I said “Half an hour.”..........
He said “That seems okay to me.”............ Thumbs:
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Steve on July 01, 2020, 09:58:01 AM
drumroll:Took my car into a garage and asked the mechanic “Can you check my brakes?”...
He asked “How long do you have for lunch?”..........
I said “Half an hour.”..........
He said “That seems okay to me.”............ Thumbs:
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Just One More on July 01, 2020, 12:11:55 PM
drumroll:Took my car into a garage and asked the mechanic “Can you check my brakes?”...
He asked “How long do you have for lunch?”..........
I said “Half an hour.”..........
He said “That seems okay to me.”............ Thumbs:
lol: lol: lol:
drumroll: drumroll:
Post by: miss Tchevious on July 01, 2020, 09:37:02 PM
She nearly had a stroke......... whistle:
Post by: Steve on July 01, 2020, 10:15:05 PM
I surprised my wife last night by dressing up as a dog...lol:
She nearly had a stroke......... whistle:
Post by: miss Tchevious on July 01, 2020, 11:46:43 PM
Well, I raised over 5,000 cocks last year" !!!!!....................
Post by: Barman on July 02, 2020, 04:12:13 AM
A woman walks into her accountant’s office and tells him that she needs to file her taxes. The accountant says, “Before we begin, I’ll need to ask a few questions. ” He gets her name, address, social security number, etc. and then asks, “What is your occupation? ” The woman replies, “I’m a whore. ” The accountant baulks and says, “No, no, no. That will never work. That is much too crass. Let’s try to rephrase that. ” The woman, “OK, I’m a prostitute. “. “No, that is still too crude. Try again. ” They both think for a minute, then the woman states, “I’m a chicken farmer. ” The accountant asks, “What does chicken farming have to do with being a whore or a prostitute? “.............
Well, I raised over 5,000 cocks last year" !!!!!....................
;D
Post by: Just One More on July 02, 2020, 06:03:47 AM
A woman walks into her accountant’s office and tells him that she needs to file her taxes. The accountant says, “Before we begin, I’ll need to ask a few questions. ” He gets her name, address, social security number, etc. and then asks, “What is your occupation? ” The woman replies, “I’m a whore. ” The accountant baulks and says, “No, no, no. That will never work. That is much too crass. Let’s try to rephrase that. ” The woman, “OK, I’m a prostitute. “. “No, that is still too crude. Try again. ” They both think for a minute, then the woman states, “I’m a chicken farmer. ” The accountant asks, “What does chicken farming have to do with being a whore or a prostitute? “.............
Well, I raised over 5,000 cocks last year" !!!!!....................
;D
;D ;D
Post by: Steve on July 02, 2020, 09:12:01 AM
;D ;D ;DA woman walks into her accountant’s office and tells him that she needs to file her taxes. The accountant says, “Before we begin, I’ll need to ask a few questions. ” He gets her name, address, social security number, etc. and then asks, “What is your occupation? ” The woman replies, “I’m a whore. ” The accountant baulks and says, “No, no, no. That will never work. That is much too crass. Let’s try to rephrase that. ” The woman, “OK, I’m a prostitute. “. “No, that is still too crude. Try again. ” They both think for a minute, then the woman states, “I’m a chicken farmer. ” The accountant asks, “What does chicken farming have to do with being a whore or a prostitute? “.............
Well, I raised over 5,000 cocks last year" !!!!!....................
;D
;D ;D
Post by: miss Tchevious on July 05, 2020, 12:59:45 PM
Which was strange .... rubschin:
I always thought Beggars can't be Tudors ...... redface:
Post by: Barman on July 05, 2020, 01:04:19 PM
I saw a homeless man dressed as Henry 8th ...
Which was strange .... rubschin:
I always thought Beggars can't be Tudors ...... redface:
noooo:
Post by: miss Tchevious on July 08, 2020, 03:29:18 PM
Dr: I'm afraid you'll just have to be a little patient........... redface:
Post by: Barman on July 08, 2020, 04:46:24 PM
Me: I have shrunk Doctor. I'm a foot smaller than I was last week, what can I do?..... rubschin:
Dr: I'm afraid you'll just have to be a little patient........... redface:
lol: lol: lol: redface:
Post by: Steve on July 08, 2020, 06:43:55 PM
amazingly not an Affs (think I first heard that when I was a foot shorter)
Post by: miss Tchevious on July 08, 2020, 06:45:04 PM
Post by: Steve on July 08, 2020, 09:56:52 PM
How many Countdown contestants does it take to change a BLIHBULGT.......... rubschin:lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Barman on July 09, 2020, 06:12:03 AM
lol: lol: lol: lol:How many Countdown contestants does it take to change a BLIHBULGT.......... rubschin:lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Darwins Selection on July 09, 2020, 07:50:16 AM
lol: lol: lol: lol: lol:lol: lol: lol: lol:How many Countdown contestants does it take to change a BLIHBULGT.......... rubschin:lol: lol: lol:
Post by: miss Tchevious on July 09, 2020, 03:48:27 PM
I am a spy.......
Why are you dressed as a shepherd........ rubschin:
I am a shepherds spy.......... redface: redface: redface:
Post by: Steve on July 09, 2020, 03:55:32 PM
I'd hate for him to fall asleep at the wheel.
Post by: miss Tchevious on July 09, 2020, 06:52:35 PM
When I wound the window down to ask what was wrong she said.......
“NOTHING”........ scared2:
Post by: Barman on July 10, 2020, 05:44:47 AM
What do you do for a living..... ?
I am a spy.......
Why are you dressed as a shepherd........ rubschin:
I am a shepherds spy.......... redface: redface: redface:
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Barman on July 10, 2020, 05:45:13 AM
This morning I made my hamster an extra strong espresso coffee and crushed some caffeine pills up in his food ...
I'd hate for him to fall asleep at the wheel.
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Barman on July 10, 2020, 05:45:44 AM
I got pulled over by a female police officer..
When I wound the window down to ask what was wrong she said.......
“NOTHING”........ scared2:
happy001 scared2:
Post by: miss Tchevious on July 10, 2020, 03:45:27 PM
I had to ground her........... noooo:
Post by: miss Tchevious on July 10, 2020, 08:00:25 PM
.......Francis of a CC............. Thumbs:
Post by: Barman on July 11, 2020, 05:09:59 AM
Who is the patron saint of emails............... rubschin:
.......Francis of a CC............. Thumbs:
;D
Post by: Just One More on July 11, 2020, 07:56:31 PM
lol: lol: lol: lol: lol:lol: lol: lol: lol:How many Countdown contestants does it take to change a BLIHBULGT.......... rubschin:lol: lol: lol:
lol: lol: lol: lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Just One More on July 11, 2020, 07:57:19 PM
This morning I made my hamster an extra strong espresso coffee and crushed some caffeine pills up in his food ...
I'd hate for him to fall asleep at the wheel.
lol: lol: lol:
lol: lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Just One More on July 11, 2020, 07:58:32 PM
I got pulled over by a female police officer..
When I wound the window down to ask what was wrong she said.......
“NOTHING”........ scared2:
happy001 scared2:
happy001 happy001 scared2: scared2:
Post by: Just One More on July 11, 2020, 07:59:07 PM
I caught my daughter chewing through an electric cable.........
I had to ground her........... noooo:
lol:
Post by: Just One More on July 11, 2020, 07:59:35 PM
Who is the patron saint of emails............... rubschin:
.......Francis of a CC............. Thumbs:
;D
;D ;D
Post by: miss Tchevious on July 12, 2020, 06:04:51 PM
Reception .."How about 10 tomorrow "
Me "I only need one / "
redface: redface:
Post by: Steve on July 12, 2020, 07:43:11 PM
Me .."I need a Doctor's appointment "lol:
Reception .."How about 10 tomorrow "
Me "I only need one / "
redface: redface:
Post by: Barman on July 13, 2020, 04:20:26 AM
lol: lol:Me .."I need a Doctor's appointment "lol:
Reception .."How about 10 tomorrow "
Me "I only need one / "
redface: redface:
Post by: Just One More on July 13, 2020, 07:21:39 AM
lol: lol:Me .."I need a Doctor's appointment "lol:
Reception .."How about 10 tomorrow "
Me "I only need one / "
redface: redface:
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: apc2010 on July 17, 2020, 06:21:42 PM
Post by: Barman on July 18, 2020, 08:09:53 AM
I reckon the inventor of Ovaltine must be a malty millionaire now ... rubschin:
lol:
Post by: Just One More on July 18, 2020, 09:55:29 AM
I reckon the inventor of Ovaltine must be a malty millionaire now ... rubschin:
lol:
lol: lol:
Post by: Steve on July 18, 2020, 02:21:29 PM
lol: lol: lol:I reckon the inventor of Ovaltine must be a malty millionaire now ... rubschin:
lol:
lol: lol:
Post by: Darwins Selection on July 18, 2020, 07:53:27 PM
lol: lol: lol: lol:lol: lol: lol:I reckon the inventor of Ovaltine must be a malty millionaire now ... rubschin:
lol:
lol: lol:
Post by: apc2010 on July 19, 2020, 02:10:43 PM
The sircharges are horrendous............ noooo:
Post by: apc2010 on July 21, 2020, 04:42:47 PM
She told me that she was a rheumatologist but I don't like gossips..... noooo:
Post by: Steve on July 21, 2020, 08:34:09 PM
Met a bird ......lol:
She told me that she was a rheumatologist but I don't like gossips..... noooo:
Post by: Barman on July 22, 2020, 05:07:59 AM
lol: lol:Met a bird ......lol:
She told me that she was a rheumatologist but I don't like gossips..... noooo:
Post by: Just One More on July 22, 2020, 05:51:54 AM
lol: lol:Met a bird ......lol:
She told me that she was a rheumatologist but I don't like gossips..... noooo:
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Darwins Selection on July 22, 2020, 08:30:21 AM
lol: lol: lol: lol:lol: lol:Met a bird ......lol:
She told me that she was a rheumatologist but I don't like gossips..... noooo:
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: apc2010 on July 22, 2020, 06:10:55 PM
It’s an extremely rare dish order............ redface:
Post by: Steve on July 22, 2020, 06:36:40 PM
My wife has this weird OCD where she arranges the dinner plates by the year they were bought...........lol:
It’s an extremely rare dish order............ redface:
Post by: Barman on July 23, 2020, 05:04:50 AM
lol: lol:My wife has this weird OCD where she arranges the dinner plates by the year they were bought...........lol:
It’s an extremely rare dish order............ redface:
Post by: Darwins Selection on July 23, 2020, 11:34:41 AM
lol: lol: lol:lol: lol:My wife has this weird OCD where she arranges the dinner plates by the year they were bought...........lol:
It’s an extremely rare dish order............ redface:
Post by: apc2010 on July 23, 2020, 10:50:55 PM
Son, "Why was it something I said"..................
Dad ,"Yes"................. whistle:
Post by: Steve on July 23, 2020, 10:54:27 PM
Father, "Son I don't think you are cut out to be a mime"...............lol: lol: lol:
Son, "Why was it something I said"..................
Dad ,"Yes"................. whistle:
Post by: Barman on July 24, 2020, 04:52:57 AM
lol: lol: lol: lol:Father, "Son I don't think you are cut out to be a mime"...............lol: lol: lol:
Son, "Why was it something I said"..................
Dad ,"Yes"................. whistle:
Post by: apc2010 on July 24, 2020, 09:55:51 PM
My speed awareness course is being held on ‘Zoom’........... cussing:
Post by: Barman on July 25, 2020, 06:23:15 AM
I’ve been caught driving above the speed limit..........
My speed awareness course is being held on ‘Zoom’........... cussing:
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Steve on July 25, 2020, 09:44:49 AM
lol: lol: lol: lol:I’ve been caught driving above the speed limit..........
My speed awareness course is being held on ‘Zoom’........... cussing:
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: apc2010 on July 26, 2020, 12:33:30 AM
Post by: Barman on July 26, 2020, 05:40:53 AM
Are all dishwashers called Phil...................... rubschin:
facepalm:
Post by: Steve on July 26, 2020, 10:28:22 AM
Are all dishwashers called Phil...................... rubschin:lol:
Post by: Steve on July 26, 2020, 03:12:03 PM
but no one ever mentions his sister, Onya, the inventor of the starting pistol...
Post by: apc2010 on July 26, 2020, 08:14:41 PM
All having drinks shots, getting on a proper sesh, the bar was busy and very noisy, everyone is drinking shouting etc.
Ray being Ray, got absolutely pissed up and struggles to walk to the bar. I shout across to my mates pointing at Ray, Oi lads look Ray pissed....
Next thing Ray gets taken outside beaten up and the police arrested him......
We all got called in for questioning by the old bill and had to explain what happened............. noooo:
The moral of the story, never point at your mates named Ray and shout out in a pub
RAY PISSED!...................... noooo: noooo: redface:
Post by: Steve on July 26, 2020, 09:04:56 PM
A few of us went to the pub for a lads night out.lol:
All having drinks shots, getting on a proper sesh, the bar was busy and very noisy, everyone is drinking shouting etc.
Ray being Ray, got absolutely pissed up and struggles to walk to the bar. I shout across to my mates pointing at Ray, Oi lads look Ray pissed....
Next thing Ray gets taken outside beaten up and the police arrested him......
We all got called in for questioning by the old bill and had to explain what happened............. noooo:
The moral of the story, never point at your mates named Ray and shout out in a pub
RAY PISSED!...................... noooo: noooo: redface:
Post by: Barman on July 27, 2020, 03:24:05 AM
Karl Marx is a historically famous philosopher,
but no one ever mentions his sister, Onya, the inventor of the starting pistol...
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Darwins Selection on July 27, 2020, 03:26:21 PM
lol: lol: lol: lol:Karl Marx is a historically famous philosopher,
but no one ever mentions his sister, Onya, the inventor of the starting pistol...
lol: lol: lol:
Or his toilet attendant brother, Skid.
Post by: Barman on July 27, 2020, 03:29:30 PM
lol: lol: lol: lol:Karl Marx is a historically famous philosopher,
but no one ever mentions his sister, Onya, the inventor of the starting pistol...
lol: lol: lol:
Or his toilet attendant brother, Skid.
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Steve on July 27, 2020, 04:46:18 PM
lol: lol: lol: lol:lol: lol: lol: lol:Karl Marx is a historically famous philosopher,
but no one ever mentions his sister, Onya, the inventor of the starting pistol...
lol: lol: lol:
Or his toilet attendant brother, Skid.
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Steve on July 28, 2020, 10:02:24 AM
But that’s his story, and he’s sticking to it.
Post by: Barman on July 28, 2020, 11:43:41 AM
My friend claims that he “accidentally” glued himself to his autobiography, but I don’t believe him.
But that’s his story, and he’s sticking to it.
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Darwins Selection on July 28, 2020, 12:29:53 PM
lol: lol: lol: lol:My friend claims that he “accidentally” glued himself to his autobiography, but I don’t believe him.
But that’s his story, and he’s sticking to it.
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: apc2010 on July 28, 2020, 01:49:25 PM
If you haven’t tried it, you don’t know what you’re missing...... Thumbs:
Post by: Barman on July 28, 2020, 01:51:37 PM
My mate persuaded me to have a go at ‘blindfold archery’ this week...... Thumbs:
If you haven’t tried it, you don’t know what you’re missing...... Thumbs:
lol: lol: lol:
Or hitting! scared2:
Post by: Steve on July 28, 2020, 01:54:26 PM
lol: lol: lol: lol:My mate persuaded me to have a go at ‘blindfold archery’ this week...... Thumbs:
If you haven’t tried it, you don’t know what you’re missing...... Thumbs:
lol: lol: lol:
Or hitting! scared2:
Post by: apc2010 on July 28, 2020, 02:04:40 PM
worst flavour crisps ever.... noooo:
Post by: Barman on July 28, 2020, 02:05:39 PM
Dog walkers ......
worst flavour crisps ever.... noooo:
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Steve on July 28, 2020, 03:17:06 PM
lol: lol: lol: lol:Dog walkers ......
worst flavour crisps ever.... noooo:
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Just One More on July 28, 2020, 06:34:25 PM
lol: lol: lol: lol:My friend claims that he “accidentally” glued himself to his autobiography, but I don’t believe him.
But that’s his story, and he’s sticking to it.
lol: lol: lol:
lol: lol: lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Just One More on July 28, 2020, 06:34:54 PM
lol: lol: lol: lol:My mate persuaded me to have a go at ‘blindfold archery’ this week...... Thumbs:
If you haven’t tried it, you don’t know what you’re missing...... Thumbs:
lol: lol: lol:
Or hitting! scared2:
lol: lol: lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Just One More on July 28, 2020, 06:35:26 PM
lol: lol: lol: lol:Dog walkers ......
worst flavour crisps ever.... noooo:
lol: lol: lol:
lol: lol: lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Darwins Selection on July 28, 2020, 10:11:39 PM
lol: lol: lol: lol: lol: lol:lol: lol: lol: lol:Dog walkers ......
worst flavour crisps ever.... noooo:
lol: lol: lol:
lol: lol: lol: lol: lol:
Post by: apc2010 on July 29, 2020, 01:01:49 PM
"How's that?"............................
"Now don't you start".............. cussing:
Post by: Barman on July 29, 2020, 01:41:43 PM
"Doctor, I have a cricket ball lodged in my rectum"...........
"How's that?"............................
"Now don't you start".............. cussing:
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: apc2010 on July 29, 2020, 04:40:01 PM
Post by: Steve on July 29, 2020, 07:48:19 PM
lol: lol: lol: lol:"Doctor, I have a cricket ball lodged in my rectum"...........
"How's that?"............................
"Now don't you start".............. cussing:
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: apc2010 on July 30, 2020, 10:08:22 PM
"Antwerp?".............. rubschin:
"No, Nick's not coming"........... whistle:
Post by: Darwins Selection on July 30, 2020, 11:38:56 PM
"I'd like a return ticket to Belgium please"..........drumroll:
"Antwerp?".............. rubschin:
"No, Nick's not coming"........... whistle:
Post by: Barman on July 31, 2020, 05:16:57 AM
"I'd like a return ticket to Belgium please"..........
"Antwerp?".............. rubschin:
"No, Nick's not coming"........... whistle:
happy001
Post by: Uncle Mort on July 31, 2020, 06:28:49 AM
happy001 happy001"I'd like a return ticket to Belgium please"..........
"Antwerp?".............. rubschin:
"No, Nick's not coming"........... whistle:
happy001
Post by: Grumpmeister on July 31, 2020, 06:56:50 AM
happy001 happy001 happy001happy001 happy001"I'd like a return ticket to Belgium please"..........
"Antwerp?".............. rubschin:
"No, Nick's not coming"........... whistle:
happy001
Post by: apc2010 on July 31, 2020, 03:51:59 PM
Post by: apc2010 on August 02, 2020, 01:41:06 PM
My sister went mad when she looked in his pram!.......... noooo:
Post by: Barman on August 02, 2020, 01:49:14 PM
My nephew fell asleep at a recent house party we had, so for a laugh I decided to shave his eyebrows off and draw a cock on his forehead...
My sister went mad when she looked in his pram!.......... noooo:
happy001
Post by: Just One More on August 02, 2020, 03:04:10 PM
My nephew fell asleep at a recent house party we had, so for a laugh I decided to shave his eyebrows off and draw a cock on his forehead...
My sister went mad when she looked in his pram!.......... noooo:
happy001
happy001 happy001
Post by: Darwins Selection on August 02, 2020, 04:30:51 PM
happy001 happy001 happy001My nephew fell asleep at a recent house party we had, so for a laugh I decided to shave his eyebrows off and draw a cock on his forehead...
My sister went mad when she looked in his pram!.......... noooo:
happy001
happy001 happy001
Post by: apc2010 on August 04, 2020, 09:20:15 PM
If it can make it there it can make it anywhere...... redface:
whistle:
Post by: Steve on August 04, 2020, 10:06:59 PM
Apparently North Korea now have a missile that can reach New York which is a bit scary.....lol: lol: lol:
If it can make it there it can make it anywhere...... redface:
whistle:
Post by: Barman on August 05, 2020, 06:50:57 AM
lol: lol: lol: lol:Apparently North Korea now have a missile that can reach New York which is a bit scary.....lol: lol: lol:
If it can make it there it can make it anywhere...... redface:
whistle:
Post by: apc2010 on August 05, 2020, 04:50:14 PM
Post by: Just One More on August 05, 2020, 07:09:16 PM
lol: lol: lol: lol:Apparently North Korea now have a missile that can reach New York which is a bit scary.....lol: lol: lol:
If it can make it there it can make it anywhere...... redface:
whistle:
lol: lol: lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Steve on August 05, 2020, 08:53:26 PM
My old arithmetic teacher retired and opened a takeaway shop .... redface:lol:
Post by: Barman on August 06, 2020, 04:44:44 AM
lol: lol:My old arithmetic teacher retired and opened a takeaway shop .... redface:lol:
Post by: apc2010 on August 06, 2020, 07:54:18 PM
Would she then be called Claudia Schiffer Brains............... rubschin:
Post by: Barman on August 07, 2020, 07:03:00 AM
If Claudia Schiffer married Brains from Thunderbirds,.....
Would she then be called Claudia Schiffer Brains............... rubschin:
;D
Post by: apc2010 on August 07, 2020, 01:37:17 PM
Fucking cold callers...................... noooo:
Post by: Barman on August 07, 2020, 01:45:05 PM
I answered the phone today and all I could hear was someone sneezing....... rubschin:
Fucking cold callers...................... noooo:
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Steve on August 07, 2020, 02:36:12 PM
lol: lol: lol: lol:I answered the phone today and all I could hear was someone sneezing....... rubschin:
Fucking cold callers...................... noooo:
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Darwins Selection on August 07, 2020, 09:50:16 PM
lol: lol: lol: lol: lol:lol: lol: lol: lol:I answered the phone today and all I could hear was someone sneezing....... rubschin:
Fucking cold callers...................... noooo:
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: apc2010 on August 12, 2020, 03:11:19 PM
whistle:
Post by: apc2010 on August 12, 2020, 09:39:29 PM
also a Czech one too , Czech one too............ redface: redface:
Post by: Steve on August 12, 2020, 10:13:58 PM
I have a polish mate who is a sound engineer ,...lol: lol: lol:
also a Czech one too , Czech one too............ redface: redface:
Post by: apc2010 on August 13, 2020, 12:12:55 AM
"Someone bet me I wouldn't be up for taking a boat on the river - I thought "That's worth a punt!"..............
Thumbs: Thumbs:
Post by: Barman on August 13, 2020, 06:43:20 AM
Is a Barbecue a line of people waiting for a haircut...................... rubschin:
whistle:
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Barman on August 13, 2020, 06:43:45 AM
lol: lol: lol: lol:I have a polish mate who is a sound engineer ,...lol: lol: lol:
also a Czech one too , Czech one too............ redface: redface:
Post by: apc2010 on August 13, 2020, 06:00:15 PM
Help prevent florist friars............ Thumbs:
redface: redface:
Post by: Just One More on August 13, 2020, 07:37:08 PM
lol: lol: lol: lol:I have a polish mate who is a sound engineer ,...lol: lol: lol:
also a Czech one too , Czech one too............ redface: redface:
lol: lol: lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Barman on August 14, 2020, 04:42:34 AM
Never buy flowers from a monk.........
Help prevent florist friars............ Thumbs:
redface: redface:
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Darwins Selection on August 14, 2020, 09:53:13 AM
lol: lol: lol: lol: lol: lol:lol: lol: lol: lol:I have a polish mate who is a sound engineer ,...lol: lol: lol:
also a Czech one too , Czech one too............ redface: redface:
lol: lol: lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Darwins Selection on August 14, 2020, 09:54:12 AM
lol: lol: lol: lol:Never buy flowers from a monk.........
Help prevent florist friars............ Thumbs:
redface: redface:
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Steve on August 14, 2020, 11:46:47 AM
lol: lol: lol: lol:Never buy flowers from a monk.........
Help prevent florist friars............ Thumbs:
redface: redface:
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Steve on August 15, 2020, 10:45:11 AM
Post by: apc2010 on August 15, 2020, 11:58:08 AM
I can’t count how many times I failed my maths exam.
Thumbs: ;D
Post by: apc2010 on August 20, 2020, 12:30:59 PM
Ground beef........... redface:
Post by: Just One More on August 26, 2020, 10:45:31 PM
She was from Hong Kong
Post by: Barman on August 27, 2020, 05:04:11 AM
I married way too young,
She was from Hong Kong
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Darwins Selection on August 27, 2020, 09:07:13 AM
lol: lol: lol: lol:I married way too young,
She was from Hong Kong
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Steve on August 27, 2020, 09:35:35 AM
lol: lol: lol: lol: lol:lol: lol: lol: lol:I married way too young,
She was from Hong Kong
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: apc2010 on September 01, 2020, 09:30:45 PM
I am continuously disappointed by Fox News................. noooo:
redface:
Post by: Just One More on September 02, 2020, 05:46:10 AM
As a fan of animal documentaries,..........
I am continuously disappointed by Fox News................. noooo:
redface:
lol: lol:
Post by: Barman on September 02, 2020, 06:17:13 AM
lol: lol: lol:As a fan of animal documentaries,..........
I am continuously disappointed by Fox News................. noooo:
redface:
lol: lol:
Post by: Darwins Selection on September 02, 2020, 09:36:36 AM
lol: lol: lol: lol:lol: lol: lol:As a fan of animal documentaries,..........
I am continuously disappointed by Fox News................. noooo:
redface:
lol: lol:
Post by: Steve on September 02, 2020, 10:32:22 PM
lol: lol: lol: lol: lol:lol: lol: lol: lol:lol: lol: lol:As a fan of animal documentaries,..........
I am continuously disappointed by Fox News................. noooo:
redface:
lol: lol:
Post by: Grumpmeister on September 03, 2020, 05:38:42 AM
redface:
Post by: Barman on September 03, 2020, 06:13:35 AM
(https://image-cdn.parler.com/s/T/sTFFdSSaFR.jpeg)
redface:
The old ones eh...? lol:
Post by: apc2010 on September 08, 2020, 05:38:46 PM
Only been on 4 hours and got loads of matches already..... redface:
Post by: Barman on September 08, 2020, 07:02:24 PM
I've just joined a dating agency for arsonists......
Only been on 4 hours and got loads of matches already..... redface:
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Steve on September 08, 2020, 07:57:17 PM
lol: lol: lol: lol:I've just joined a dating agency for arsonists......
Only been on 4 hours and got loads of matches already..... redface:
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Darwins Selection on September 08, 2020, 10:05:23 PM
lol: lol: lol: lol: lol:lol: lol: lol: lol:I've just joined a dating agency for arsonists......
Only been on 4 hours and got loads of matches already..... redface:
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: apc2010 on September 09, 2020, 12:19:45 PM
lol: lol: lol: lol: lol:lol: lol: lol: lol:I've just joined a dating agency for arsonists......
Only been on 4 hours and got loads of matches already..... redface:
lol: lol: lol:
Hot dates..... Thumbs:
Post by: apc2010 on September 09, 2020, 12:45:52 PM
Glad I did.
"Do you watch live TV sir?"
"Nah mate, TV's shite, don't even own one. Prefer my music me"
"May I pop inside and look so I can confirm and put that on our system?"
"I don't have to let you in do I?"
"No sir, but if you're not letting me in when you say you don't own a TV, that gives me reason to believe that you could have a TV and therefore require a licence"
"To be fair mate, the lass at number 23 won't let me in her knickers, that doesn't mean I've got reason to believe she could have a cock..."
With that, the door was closed........ redface:
Post by: Barman on September 09, 2020, 01:23:05 PM
Heard something brilliant as I was cycling down the street earlier, some lad in his mid 20's had someone from TV licensing at his door so I pretended to look at the chain on my bike so I could have a cheeky listen 😏
Glad I did.
"Do you watch live TV sir?"
"Nah mate, TV's shite, don't even own one. Prefer my music me"
"May I pop inside and look so I can confirm and put that on our system?"
"I don't have to let you in do I?"
"No sir, but if you're not letting me in when you say you don't own a TV, that gives me reason to believe that you could have a TV and therefore require a licence"
"To be fair mate, the lass at number 23 won't let me in her knickers, that doesn't mean I've got reason to believe she could have a cock..."
With that, the door was closed........ redface:
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: apc2010 on October 04, 2020, 01:41:39 PM
Unfortunately he didn't get it as he was a shit stabber................ redface:
Post by: Barman on October 04, 2020, 02:38:27 PM
Elton John auditioned for the part of Norman Bates in Psycho musical.....
Unfortunately he didn't get it as he was a shit stabber................ redface:
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: apc2010 on October 04, 2020, 02:59:33 PM
I've put a marquee up in the garden with flashing lights and music gear.....
Now is the winter of my disco tent.............. Thumbs:
redface: redface: redface:
Post by: Barman on October 04, 2020, 03:39:36 PM
Now its October...
I've put a marquee up in the garden with flashing lights and music gear.....
Now is the winter of my disco tent.............. Thumbs:
redface: redface: redface:
noooo:
Post by: apc2010 on October 05, 2020, 11:22:57 PM
Post by: Steve on October 05, 2020, 11:37:43 PM
Just watched The Omen backwards and ended up Finding Nemo...... rubschin:lol:
Post by: Barman on October 06, 2020, 04:53:02 AM
lol: lol:Just watched The Omen backwards and ended up Finding Nemo...... rubschin:lol:
Post by: apc2010 on October 07, 2020, 08:36:08 PM
It was from Troys R Us.............. whistle:
Post by: apc2010 on October 07, 2020, 08:40:42 PM
Post by: Steve on October 07, 2020, 09:00:31 PM
I came home from work today and found a giant wooden horse in my house.... rubschin:lol: lol: lol:
It was from Troys R Us.............. whistle:
Post by: Barman on October 08, 2020, 04:55:49 AM
I came home from work today and found a giant wooden horse in my house.... rubschin:
It was from Troys R Us.............. whistle:
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Barman on October 08, 2020, 04:56:13 AM
I was disappointed to find that 'Dunkirk' isn't a biography of William Shatner..... noooo:
;D
Post by: Just One More on October 08, 2020, 06:16:16 AM
I was disappointed to find that 'Dunkirk' isn't a biography of William Shatner..... noooo:
;D
;D ;D
Post by: Darwins Selection on October 08, 2020, 08:50:07 AM
lol: lol: lol:I was disappointed to find that 'Dunkirk' isn't a biography of William Shatner..... noooo:
;D
;D ;D
Post by: Steve on October 08, 2020, 10:59:51 AM
lol: lol: lol: lol:lol: lol: lol:I was disappointed to find that 'Dunkirk' isn't a biography of William Shatner..... noooo:
;D
;D ;D
Post by: apc2010 on October 11, 2020, 10:46:53 PM
Nelly the Elephant has tested positive for Coronavirus...... eeek:
When asked where she got it from,????
TRUMP TRUMP TRUMP she replied............... redface: redface: redface:
Post by: Barman on October 12, 2020, 04:11:41 AM
Breaking news....
Nelly the Elephant has tested positive for Coronavirus...... eeek:
When asked where she got it from,????
TRUMP TRUMP TRUMP she replied............... redface: redface: redface:
facepalm:
Post by: Steve on October 12, 2020, 08:22:30 AM
;DBreaking news....
Nelly the Elephant has tested positive for Coronavirus...... eeek:
When asked where she got it from,????
TRUMP TRUMP TRUMP she replied............... redface: redface: redface:
facepalm:
Post by: Just One More on October 12, 2020, 08:51:50 PM
(https://i.postimg.cc/8sZJKdQR/russia-turkey-greece.png) (https://postimg.cc/8sZJKdQR)
Post by: apc2010 on October 12, 2020, 08:54:50 PM
(https://i.postimg.cc/8sZJKdQR/russia-turkey-greece.png) (https://postimg.cc/8sZJKdQR)
;D ;D
Post by: Steve on October 12, 2020, 11:19:28 PM
lol: lol: lol:
(https://i.postimg.cc/8sZJKdQR/russia-turkey-greece.png) (https://postimg.cc/8sZJKdQR)
;D ;D
Post by: Barman on October 13, 2020, 09:00:15 AM
lol: lol: lol: lol:lol: lol: lol:
(https://i.postimg.cc/8sZJKdQR/russia-turkey-greece.png) (https://postimg.cc/8sZJKdQR)
;D ;D
Post by: Darwins Selection on October 13, 2020, 09:28:48 AM
lol: lol: lol: lol: lol:lol: lol: lol: lol:lol: lol: lol:
(https://i.postimg.cc/8sZJKdQR/russia-turkey-greece.png) (https://postimg.cc/8sZJKdQR)
;D ;D
Post by: apc2010 on October 13, 2020, 11:51:29 AM
redface: redface: redface: redface:
Post by: Tipsy Gipsy on October 13, 2020, 12:11:16 PM
I knew covid19 would end in tiers ............... noooo:
redface: redface: redface: redface:
lol:
Post by: Barman on October 13, 2020, 12:18:36 PM
I knew covid19 would end in tiers ............... noooo:
redface: redface: redface: redface:
drumroll:
Post by: Darwins Selection on October 13, 2020, 12:52:45 PM
drumroll: drumroll:I knew covid19 would end in tiers ............... noooo:
redface: redface: redface: redface:
drumroll:
G'day Tipsy
Post by: apc2010 on October 14, 2020, 04:44:00 PM
Post by: Barman on October 14, 2020, 04:46:17 PM
I thought my money worries were over when I started dating a rich girl, turns out I misheard her and she actually makes hats............... noooo:
happy001
Post by: Steve on October 14, 2020, 05:43:41 PM
Post by: Steve on October 14, 2020, 05:43:52 PM
Post by: Steve on October 14, 2020, 05:44:10 PM
Post by: apc2010 on October 14, 2020, 06:44:50 PM
happy001 happy001
Thumbs:
Post by: Darwins Selection on October 14, 2020, 07:29:39 PM
happy001 happy001I thought my money worries were over when I started dating a rich girl, turns out I misheard her and she actually makes hats............... noooo:
happy001
Post by: apc2010 on October 15, 2020, 12:59:34 PM
"I want to make a complaint!.......
This muffin tastes like mouldy French cheese."......... evil:
The baker rolled his eyes and said, .....
"Well, of course. ........... ::)
You did ask for a blue brie muffin."................. redface:
Post by: Steve on October 15, 2020, 02:13:36 PM
I stormed into a bakery and said, ,........drumroll:
"I want to make a complaint!.......
This muffin tastes like mouldy French cheese."......... evil:
The baker rolled his eyes and said, .....
"Well, of course. ........... ::)
You did ask for a blue brie muffin."................. redface:
Post by: Barman on October 15, 2020, 02:29:48 PM
I stormed into a bakery and said, ,........
"I want to make a complaint!.......
This muffin tastes like mouldy French cheese."......... evil:
The baker rolled his eyes and said, .....
"Well, of course. ........... ::)
You did ask for a blue brie muffin."................. redface:
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Darwins Selection on October 15, 2020, 08:11:13 PM
lol: lol: lol: lol:I stormed into a bakery and said, ,........
"I want to make a complaint!.......
This muffin tastes like mouldy French cheese."......... evil:
The baker rolled his eyes and said, .....
"Well, of course. ........... ::)
You did ask for a blue brie muffin."................. redface:
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Just One More on October 17, 2020, 11:12:38 AM
I'm playing the lead!
Post by: Steve on October 17, 2020, 11:20:16 AM
I've just landed a part in our local Amateur Dramatics Society production about a man who has a strong attachment to his dog.lol: lol:
I'm playing the lead!
Post by: Barman on October 17, 2020, 11:36:34 AM
lol: lol: lol:I've just landed a part in our local Amateur Dramatics Society production about a man who has a strong attachment to his dog.lol: lol:
I'm playing the lead!
Post by: apc2010 on October 17, 2020, 12:05:10 PM
lol: lol: lol:I've just landed a part in our local Amateur Dramatics Society production about a man who has a strong attachment to his dog.lol: lol:
I'm playing the lead!
;D ;D ;D
Post by: Darwins Selection on October 17, 2020, 03:20:12 PM
lol: lol: lol: lol: lol:lol: lol: lol:I've just landed a part in our local Amateur Dramatics Society production about a man who has a strong attachment to his dog.lol: lol:
I'm playing the lead!
;D ;D ;D
Post by: Just One More on October 18, 2020, 07:21:54 AM
Post by: Barman on October 18, 2020, 07:27:50 AM
Took my new shoes back to the store today and told them they were too tight. The assistant said ' try them with the tongue out ? ' .......i thed they're thtiill too thight
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Steve on October 18, 2020, 08:26:10 AM
lol: lol: lol: lol:Took my new shoes back to the store today and told them they were too tight. The assistant said ' try them with the tongue out ? ' .......i thed they're thtiill too thight
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: apc2010 on October 18, 2020, 01:12:27 PM
redface:
Post by: Barman on October 18, 2020, 03:10:50 PM
I was recently accused of posting a long series of tweets about I'm Too Sexy, Deeply Dippy and other songs, but I would like to reassure everyone that I did not write said thread............... whistle:
redface:
;D
Post by: Steve on October 18, 2020, 09:08:14 PM
lol: lol:I was recently accused of posting a long series of tweets about I'm Too Sexy, Deeply Dippy and other songs, but I would like to reassure everyone that I did not write said thread............... whistle:
redface:
;D
Post by: apc2010 on October 21, 2020, 02:11:28 PM
That’s the biggest number I’ve ever heard............ rubschin:
Post by: Steve on October 21, 2020, 02:16:13 PM
Just reading that there’s a small island off the coast of Italy which is inhabited by 5 million Sicillion people........... rubschin:lol: lol: lol:
That’s the biggest number I’ve ever heard............ rubschin:
Post by: Just One More on October 21, 2020, 05:47:22 PM
Just reading that there’s a small island off the coast of Italy which is inhabited by 5 million Sicillion people........... rubschin:lol: lol: lol:
That’s the biggest number I’ve ever heard............ rubschin:
lol: lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Barman on October 22, 2020, 04:52:21 AM
Just reading that there’s a small island off the coast of Italy which is inhabited by 5 million Sicillion people........... rubschin:lol: lol: lol:
That’s the biggest number I’ve ever heard............ rubschin:
lol: lol: lol: lol:
happy001
Post by: Darwins Selection on October 22, 2020, 09:35:59 AM
lol: lol: lol: lol: lol:Just reading that there’s a small island off the coast of Italy which is inhabited by 5 million Sicillion people........... rubschin:lol: lol: lol:
That’s the biggest number I’ve ever heard............ rubschin:
lol: lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Steve on October 22, 2020, 11:49:22 AM
I know it's not much but it's all I could afford.
Post by: Just One More on October 22, 2020, 04:59:25 PM
I once had a job at a London burlesque club helping the girls in and out of their costumes for £100 a week.
I know it's not much but it's all I could afford.
lol:
Post by: Barman on October 23, 2020, 04:50:13 AM
I once had a job at a London burlesque club helping the girls in and out of their costumes for £100 a week.
I know it's not much but it's all I could afford.
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: apc2010 on October 29, 2020, 06:48:18 PM
Sale (A)
Sale (A)
Sale (A)
redface:
Post by: Just One More on October 29, 2020, 08:44:45 PM
The singer Enya has just started coaching her own rugby team. Her opening fixtures are:..............
Sale (A)
Sale (A)
Sale (A)
redface:
lol:
Post by: Barman on October 30, 2020, 05:17:43 AM
The singer Enya has just started coaching her own rugby team. Her opening fixtures are:..............
Sale (A)
Sale (A)
Sale (A)
redface:
lol:
lol: lol:
Post by: Steve on October 30, 2020, 02:15:43 PM
Post by: Barman on October 30, 2020, 02:24:28 PM
Shrugs: redface:
Post by: Steve on October 30, 2020, 02:59:14 PM
doh: redface:Shrugs: redface:
<iframe width="560" height="315" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/2zkjQVh5KmQ" frameborder="0" allow="accelerometer; autoplay; clipboard-write; encrypted-media; gyroscope; picture-in-picture" allowfullscreen></iframe>
thanks, never knew it had that ( ) title
Post by: apc2010 on November 02, 2020, 09:50:54 PM
please form an orderly orderly orderly queue................. redface:
Post by: Steve on November 02, 2020, 10:37:13 PM
If you’re here for the yodelling lessons,..................lol: lol: lol:
please form an orderly orderly orderly queue................. redface:
Post by: Barman on November 03, 2020, 06:32:23 AM
lol: lol: lol: lol:If you’re here for the yodelling lessons,..................lol: lol: lol:
please form an orderly orderly orderly queue................. redface:
Post by: apc2010 on November 03, 2020, 06:07:14 PM
The first people to not read the Apple terms and conditions...... redface:
Post by: Barman on November 03, 2020, 06:57:02 PM
Adam and Eve:
The first people to not read the Apple terms and conditions...... redface:
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Steve on November 03, 2020, 06:57:59 PM
lol: lol: lol: lol:Adam and Eve:
The first people to not read the Apple terms and conditions...... redface:
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: The Moan Ranger on November 03, 2020, 08:03:34 PM
- On sandpaper it is written?
- Yes, it's a ROUGH estimate!
- Ha! COARSE it is!
- LOL
- OLL
Post by: Steve on November 03, 2020, 09:53:50 PM
- Here's how much I think the work will cost, Mr Yoda.happy001
- On sandpaper it is written?
- Yes, it's a ROUGH estimate!
- Ha! COARSE it is!
- LOL
- OLL
Post by: Barman on November 04, 2020, 06:10:48 AM
- Here's how much I think the work will cost, Mr Yoda.
- On sandpaper it is written?
- Yes, it's a ROUGH estimate!
- Ha! COARSE it is!
- LOL
- OLL
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Darwins Selection on November 04, 2020, 04:34:45 PM
lol: lol: lol: lol:- Here's how much I think the work will cost, Mr Yoda.
- On sandpaper it is written?
- Yes, it's a ROUGH estimate!
- Ha! COARSE it is!
- LOL
- OLL
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: apc2010 on November 05, 2020, 11:26:14 PM
It is For Biden ........ redface:
Post by: Steve on November 05, 2020, 11:47:59 PM
Why cam't Trump get to the White House ..... rubschin:drumroll:
It is For Biden ........ redface:
Post by: Barman on November 06, 2020, 06:02:37 AM
Why cam't Trump get to the White House ..... rubschin:
It is For Biden ........ redface:
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Just One More on November 06, 2020, 06:36:27 AM
Why cam't Trump get to the White House ..... rubschin:
It is For Biden ........ redface:
lol: lol: lol:
drumroll: drumroll: drumroll: drumroll:
Post by: Darwins Selection on November 06, 2020, 09:20:46 AM
drumroll: drumroll: drumroll: drumroll: drumroll:Why cam't Trump get to the White House ..... rubschin:
It is For Biden ........ redface:
lol: lol: lol:
drumroll: drumroll: drumroll: drumroll:
Post by: apc2010 on November 07, 2020, 02:36:52 PM
Andy Stewart sings some bonny Scottish songs........... Thumbs:
and Walt Disney..................... redface:
Post by: Steve on November 07, 2020, 03:27:35 PM
Post by: Darwins Selection on November 07, 2020, 05:44:28 PM
noooo: first heard that over 50 years agoAt least.
Post by: apc2010 on November 08, 2020, 12:47:52 AM
foreman asks ca you make tea,.....?
he replies yes,............
foreman asks can you drive a forklift?,............
guy replies "why how big is the teapot!".......
Post by: Barman on November 08, 2020, 06:22:15 AM
Guy goes for a job on site,..........
foreman asks ca you make tea,.....?
he replies yes,............
foreman asks can you drive a forklift?,............
guy replies "why how big is the teapot!".......
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Just One More on November 08, 2020, 08:11:53 AM
Guy goes for a job on site,..........
foreman asks ca you make tea,.....?
he replies yes,............
foreman asks can you drive a forklift?,............
guy replies "why how big is the teapot!".......
lol: lol: lol:
lol: lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Darwins Selection on November 08, 2020, 09:30:00 AM
lol: lol: lol: lol: lol:Guy goes for a job on site,..........
foreman asks ca you make tea,.....?
he replies yes,............
foreman asks can you drive a forklift?,............
guy replies "why how big is the teapot!".......
lol: lol: lol:
lol: lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Steve on November 08, 2020, 11:39:40 AM
lol: lol: lol: lol: lol: lol:lol: lol: lol: lol: lol:Guy goes for a job on site,..........
foreman asks ca you make tea,.....?
he replies yes,............
foreman asks can you drive a forklift?,............
guy replies "why how big is the teapot!".......
lol: lol: lol:
lol: lol: lol: lol:
Post by: apc2010 on November 13, 2020, 01:29:16 PM
'chicken'
Password must contain a capital:
'chickenkiev'.................................. whistle:
Post by: Barman on November 13, 2020, 01:36:29 PM
Enter new password:
'chicken'
Password must contain a capital:
'chickenkiev'.................................. whistle:
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Just One More on November 13, 2020, 01:54:05 PM
Enter new password:
'chicken'
Password must contain a capital:
'chickenkiev'.................................. whistle:
lol: lol: lol:
lol: lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Steve on November 13, 2020, 01:56:18 PM
lol: lol: lol: lol: lol:Enter new password:
'chicken'
Password must contain a capital:
'chickenkiev'.................................. whistle:
lol: lol: lol:
lol: lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Darwins Selection on November 14, 2020, 01:21:42 AM
lol: lol: lol: lol: lol: lol:lol: lol: lol: lol: lol:Enter new password:
'chicken'
Password must contain a capital:
'chickenkiev'.................................. whistle:
lol: lol: lol:
lol: lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Just One More on November 16, 2020, 10:41:25 PM
Tin tin got his name after several failed attempts to consummate his marriage
Post by: Barman on November 17, 2020, 06:55:47 AM
Fascinating cartoon facts #1 -
Tin tin got his name after several failed attempts to consummate his marriage
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Darwins Selection on November 17, 2020, 10:11:32 AM
lol: lol: lol: lol:Fascinating cartoon facts #1 -
Tin tin got his name after several failed attempts to consummate his marriage
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: apc2010 on November 18, 2020, 06:14:36 PM
It’s capsized............... Thumbs:
redface:
Post by: Steve on November 18, 2020, 06:19:58 PM
I carry my kayak on my head.......lol:
It’s capsized............... Thumbs:
redface:
Post by: Barman on November 18, 2020, 06:23:17 PM
lol: lol:I carry my kayak on my head.......lol:
It’s capsized............... Thumbs:
redface:
Post by: Darwins Selection on November 18, 2020, 07:41:11 PM
lol: lol: lol:lol: lol:I carry my kayak on my head.......lol:
It’s capsized............... Thumbs:
redface:
Post by: apc2010 on November 23, 2020, 02:05:48 PM
"No," she says,..... "they're brand new"..... redface:
Post by: Barman on November 23, 2020, 02:14:33 PM
I asked the assistant in the lingerie dept of M&S, " are these knickers satin? "
"No," she says,..... "they're brand new"..... redface:
happy001
Post by: Just One More on November 23, 2020, 05:05:48 PM
I asked the assistant in the lingerie dept of M&S, " are these knickers satin? "
"No," she says,..... "they're brand new"..... redface:
happy001
happy001 happy001
Post by: Steve on November 23, 2020, 06:33:48 PM
happy001 happy001 happy001I asked the assistant in the lingerie dept of M&S, " are these knickers satin? "
"No," she says,..... "they're brand new"..... redface:
happy001
happy001 happy001
Post by: The Moan Ranger on November 23, 2020, 07:11:26 PM
Modena vaccine: effective, protective and safe
Oxford vaccine: effective, protective, and safe
Post by: Darwins Selection on November 23, 2020, 07:59:53 PM
Pfizer vaccine: effective, protective and safedrumroll: drumroll:
Modena vaccine: effective, protective and safe
Oxford vaccine: effective, protective, and safe
Post by: apc2010 on November 23, 2020, 11:45:46 PM
So I put my £2 back in my pocket, just in case he's right............ Thumbs:
Post by: Steve on November 23, 2020, 11:53:40 PM
I've just walked past a homeless guy with a sign that read: 'One day this could be you.'.........lol: lol: lol:
So I put my £2 back in my pocket, just in case he's right............ Thumbs:
Post by: Barman on November 24, 2020, 06:49:08 AM
lol: lol: lol: lol:I've just walked past a homeless guy with a sign that read: 'One day this could be you.'.........lol: lol: lol:
So I put my £2 back in my pocket, just in case he's right............ Thumbs:
Post by: apc2010 on November 24, 2020, 02:04:32 PM
Because Max Factor.................. redface:
Post by: Barman on November 24, 2020, 02:18:32 PM
Why does the Avon lady walk funny................. rubschin:
Because Max Factor.................. redface:
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Steve on November 24, 2020, 02:50:09 PM
lol: lol: lol: lol:Why does the Avon lady walk funny................. rubschin:
Because Max Factor.................. redface:
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: apc2010 on December 10, 2020, 11:25:36 PM
So I carved 'Bruce Willis is a ghost in The Sixth Sense' on the boot......... Thumbs:
Post by: Just One More on December 11, 2020, 06:47:42 AM
Was fixing up my mate's car. He asked me to put a spoiler on the back...........
So I carved 'Bruce Willis is a ghost in The Sixth Sense' on the boot......... Thumbs:
lol:
Post by: Barman on December 11, 2020, 06:49:39 AM
Was fixing up my mate's car. He asked me to put a spoiler on the back...........
So I carved 'Bruce Willis is a ghost in The Sixth Sense' on the boot......... Thumbs:
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Steve on December 11, 2020, 05:48:51 PM
lol: lol: lol: lol:Was fixing up my mate's car. He asked me to put a spoiler on the back...........
So I carved 'Bruce Willis is a ghost in The Sixth Sense' on the boot......... Thumbs:
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Just One More on December 20, 2020, 11:03:01 PM
(https://i.postimg.cc/2qf79Cz6/acoustics.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/2qf79Cz6)
Post by: Steve on December 20, 2020, 11:33:31 PM
lol:
(https://i.postimg.cc/2qf79Cz6/acoustics.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/2qf79Cz6)
Post by: Uncle Mort on December 21, 2020, 09:04:31 AM
lol:
(https://i.postimg.cc/2qf79Cz6/acoustics.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/2qf79Cz6)
<groan>
Post by: Barman on December 21, 2020, 10:39:55 AM
lol:
(https://i.postimg.cc/2qf79Cz6/acoustics.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/2qf79Cz6)
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: apc2010 on December 21, 2020, 11:12:00 PM
What are the odds of that..........................? rubschin:
Post by: Just One More on December 21, 2020, 11:28:14 PM
Almost crashed my car on the way to gamblers anonymous......... eeek:
What are the odds of that..........................? rubschin:
lol:
Post by: Steve on December 21, 2020, 11:30:22 PM
lol: lol:Almost crashed my car on the way to gamblers anonymous......... eeek:
What are the odds of that..........................? rubschin:
lol:
Post by: Barman on December 22, 2020, 06:26:43 AM
lol: lol: lol:lol: lol:Almost crashed my car on the way to gamblers anonymous......... eeek:
What are the odds of that..........................? rubschin:
lol:
Post by: apc2010 on January 01, 2021, 04:57:41 PM
Post by: Barman on January 01, 2021, 05:08:28 PM
Has the EU now got 1 GB of free space ............ rubschin:
happy001
Post by: Darwins Selection on January 01, 2021, 05:38:26 PM
drumroll: drumroll:Has the EU now got 1 GB of free space ............ rubschin:
happy001
Post by: Just One More on January 01, 2021, 07:26:34 PM
drumroll: drumroll:Has the EU now got 1 GB of free space ............ rubschin:
happy001
drumroll: drumroll: drumroll:
Post by: Steve on January 01, 2021, 08:08:53 PM
lol: lol: lol:drumroll: drumroll:Has the EU now got 1 GB of free space ............ rubschin:
happy001
drumroll: drumroll: drumroll:
Post by: apc2010 on January 01, 2021, 10:44:50 PM
He said, "Alaska".........
Thought he would have known............... rubschin:
Post by: Darwins Selection on January 01, 2021, 11:04:54 PM
I asked my mate what part of America his wife was from......?lol:
He said, "Alaska".........
Thought he would have known............... rubschin:
Bob Hope - 1944 whistle:
Post by: apc2010 on January 02, 2021, 12:04:35 AM
You've pulled a dyslexic Mexican. .... redface:
Post by: Barman on January 02, 2021, 05:47:53 AM
Grab your taco........
You've pulled a dyslexic Mexican. .... redface:
;D
Post by: Just One More on January 02, 2021, 08:03:28 AM
Grab your taco........
You've pulled a dyslexic Mexican. .... redface:
;D
;D ;D
Post by: Steve on January 02, 2021, 10:53:54 AM
;D ;D ;DGrab your taco........
You've pulled a dyslexic Mexican. .... redface:
;D
;D ;D
Post by: Darwins Selection on January 02, 2021, 10:14:47 PM
lol: lol: lol: lol:;D ;D ;DGrab your taco........
You've pulled a dyslexic Mexican. .... redface:
;D
;D ;D
Post by: apc2010 on January 13, 2021, 11:03:52 PM
The manager said “Do you mind waiting a bit?”..........
“No” I said “Not at all”..............
“Great” said the manager “Can you take these drinks over to table seven?”.... redface:
Post by: Steve on January 13, 2021, 11:20:59 PM
The other night my wife and I arrived at our favourite restaurant a little early for our reservation. ...........drumroll:
The manager said “Do you mind waiting a bit?”..........
“No” I said “Not at all”..............
“Great” said the manager “Can you take these drinks over to table seven?”.... redface:
Post by: Just One More on January 13, 2021, 11:36:19 PM
The other night my wife and I arrived at our favourite restaurant a little early for our reservation. ...........drumroll:
The manager said “Do you mind waiting a bit?”..........
“No” I said “Not at all”..............
“Great” said the manager “Can you take these drinks over to table seven?”.... redface:
drumroll: drumroll:
Post by: Barman on January 14, 2021, 07:46:18 AM
The other night my wife and I arrived at our favourite restaurant a little early for our reservation. ...........drumroll:
The manager said “Do you mind waiting a bit?”..........
“No” I said “Not at all”..............
“Great” said the manager “Can you take these drinks over to table seven?”.... redface:
drumroll: drumroll:
Post by: Darwins Selection on January 14, 2021, 11:44:31 AM
drumroll: drumroll: drumroll:The other night my wife and I arrived at our favourite restaurant a little early for our reservation. ...........drumroll:
The manager said “Do you mind waiting a bit?”..........
“No” I said “Not at all”..............
“Great” said the manager “Can you take these drinks over to table seven?”.... redface:
drumroll: drumroll:
Post by: Just One More on January 14, 2021, 06:02:36 PM
drumroll: drumroll: drumroll:The other night my wife and I arrived at our favourite restaurant a little early for our reservation. ...........drumroll:
The manager said “Do you mind waiting a bit?”..........
“No” I said “Not at all”..............
“Great” said the manager “Can you take these drinks over to table seven?”.... redface:
drumroll: drumroll:
drumroll: drumroll: drumroll: drumroll:
Post by: apc2010 on January 17, 2021, 12:46:22 AM
I had 47 people watching it, the cheeky bastards........... noooo:
Post by: Barman on January 17, 2021, 06:34:02 AM
That's the last time I try and sell a TV on eBay........... evil:
I had 47 people watching it, the cheeky bastards........... noooo:
happy001
Post by: Steve on January 17, 2021, 12:12:31 PM
happy001 happy001That's the last time I try and sell a TV on eBay........... evil:
I had 47 people watching it, the cheeky bastards........... noooo:
happy001
Post by: Barman on January 17, 2021, 12:26:37 PM
Father John says he has soap in his room and goes to get it, not bothering to dress.
He grabs two bars of soap, one in each hand , and heads back to the showers.
He is halfway down the hall when he sees three nuns heading his way Having no place to hide, he stands against the wall and freezes like he's a statue.
The nuns stop and comment on how life-like he looks.
The first nun suddenly reaches out and pulls on his manhood.
Startled, he drops a bar of soap.
"Oh look" says the first nun, "it's a soap dispenser".
To test her theory the second nun also pulls on his manhood.
Sure enough, he drops the second bar of soap.
Now the third nun decides to have a go.
She pulls once, then twice and three times but nothing happens.
So she gives several more tugs, then yells...
"Holy Mary, Mother of God, HAND LOTION TOO!"
Post by: apc2010 on January 21, 2021, 08:15:46 PM
I said I'm planting all my vegetables and herbs and in alphabetical order............!
He said I don't see were you get the time!...............????
It's easy I said its next to the sage ............. redface:
Post by: Darwins Selection on January 21, 2021, 08:19:24 PM
My next door neighbor asked me over the fence last night what I was doing in the garden//////////tunble:
I said I'm planting all my vegetables and herbs and in alphabetical order............!
He said I don't see were you get the time!...............????
It's easy I said its next to the sage ............. redface:
Post by: Steve on January 21, 2021, 09:19:26 PM
tunble: tunble: but I did laugh so lol:My next door neighbor asked me over the fence last night what I was doing in the garden//////////tunble:
I said I'm planting all my vegetables and herbs and in alphabetical order............!
He said I don't see were you get the time!...............????
It's easy I said its next to the sage ............. redface:
Post by: Grumpmeister on January 29, 2021, 01:28:17 AM
redface:
Post by: Barman on January 29, 2021, 06:45:45 AM
If you ask Rick Astley for a DVD of the movie Up, he won’t give it to you because he’s never gonna give you Up. However, by not giving you Up like you asked for it, he’s letting you down. This is known as the Astley paradox.
redface:
facepalm:
Post by: apc2010 on February 07, 2021, 08:17:00 PM
Homeowners are being warned about 4 keys that can open:
73% of doors, 84% of cars, 99% of houses..........
They are the following:
Dar-keys, Pak- keys, Pie-keys and Jun-keys............... redface:
Post by: Barman on February 08, 2021, 06:01:02 AM
Had a warning today from Constabulary about KEYS......
Homeowners are being warned about 4 keys that can open:
73% of doors, 84% of cars, 99% of houses..........
They are the following:
Dar-keys, Pak- keys, Pie-keys and Jun-keys............... redface:
happy001
Post by: apc2010 on February 08, 2021, 07:51:25 PM
redface: redface:
Post by: Barman on February 09, 2021, 05:11:23 AM
Apparently, the fastest selling perfume in Germany is Schnell no.5........ rubschin:
redface: redface:
;D
Post by: apc2010 on February 10, 2021, 12:00:07 AM
I’m not sure what to make of it.............. rubschin:
Post by: Just One More on February 10, 2021, 05:39:42 AM
I got a rejection letter from the origami university today..........
I’m not sure what to make of it.............. rubschin:
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Barman on February 10, 2021, 06:19:27 AM
I got a rejection letter from the origami university today..........
I’m not sure what to make of it.............. rubschin:
lol: lol: lol:
lol: lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Steve on February 10, 2021, 12:58:40 PM
lol: lol: lol: lol: lol:I got a rejection letter from the origami university today..........
I’m not sure what to make of it.............. rubschin:
lol: lol: lol:
lol: lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Darwins Selection on February 10, 2021, 05:05:33 PM
lol: lol: lol: lol: lol: lol:lol: lol: lol: lol: lol:I got a rejection letter from the origami university today..........
I’m not sure what to make of it.............. rubschin:
lol: lol: lol:
lol: lol: lol: lol:
Post by: apc2010 on February 10, 2021, 08:32:30 PM
Turns out it's not for me............... whistle:
Post by: Barman on February 11, 2021, 07:08:05 AM
I've just got a job answering other people's phones.......... Thumbs:
Turns out it's not for me............... whistle:
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Uncle Mort on February 12, 2021, 06:59:46 PM
but it'll make you Roger Moore.
Post by: Just One More on February 12, 2021, 07:02:10 PM
Viagra, it won't make you James Bond...
but it'll make you Roger Moore.
drumroll:
Post by: Nick on February 12, 2021, 07:08:28 PM
Post by: apc2010 on February 12, 2021, 07:48:32 PM
redface: redface:
Post by: Steve on February 12, 2021, 09:31:23 PM
drumroll: drumroll:Viagra, it won't make you James Bond...
but it'll make you Roger Moore.
drumroll:
Post by: Darwins Selection on February 12, 2021, 11:16:05 PM
drumroll: drumroll: drumroll:drumroll: drumroll:Viagra, it won't make you James Bond...
but it'll make you Roger Moore.
drumroll:
Post by: Barman on February 13, 2021, 08:59:31 AM
drumroll: drumroll: drumroll: drumroll:drumroll: drumroll: drumroll:drumroll: drumroll:Viagra, it won't make you James Bond...
but it'll make you Roger Moore.
drumroll:
Post by: Barman on February 13, 2021, 08:59:59 AM
Are Plateaus the highest form of Flattery.......... rubschin:
redface: redface:
;D
Post by: Steve on February 13, 2021, 12:38:09 PM
;D ;DAre Plateaus the highest form of Flattery.......... rubschin:
redface: redface:
;D
Post by: Darwins Selection on February 13, 2021, 02:47:00 PM
lol: lol: lol:;D ;DAre Plateaus the highest form of Flattery.......... rubschin:
redface: redface:
;D
Post by: apc2010 on February 21, 2021, 09:23:37 PM
I said to the store owner, “ I thought he sang
Wooden Heart?”.........
He said...
“This is a pirate version”.................. redface:
Post by: Steve on February 21, 2021, 09:30:37 PM
Yesterday I bought an old Elvis record from the market “Wooden Leg”....lol: lol: lol:
I said to the store owner, “ I thought he sang
Wooden Heart?”.........
He said...
“This is a pirate version”.................. redface:
Post by: Darwins Selection on February 21, 2021, 10:16:14 PM
lol: lol: lol: lol:Yesterday I bought an old Elvis record from the market “Wooden Leg”....lol: lol: lol:
I said to the store owner, “ I thought he sang
Wooden Heart?”.........
He said...
“This is a pirate version”.................. redface:
Post by: Just One More on February 21, 2021, 11:39:47 PM
lol: lol: lol: lol:Yesterday I bought an old Elvis record from the market “Wooden Leg”....lol: lol: lol:
I said to the store owner, “ I thought he sang
Wooden Heart?”.........
He said...
“This is a pirate version”.................. redface:
lol: lol: lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Barman on February 22, 2021, 05:38:02 AM
lol: lol: lol: lol: lol: lol:lol: lol: lol: lol:Yesterday I bought an old Elvis record from the market “Wooden Leg”....lol: lol: lol:
I said to the store owner, “ I thought he sang
Wooden Heart?”.........
He said...
“This is a pirate version”.................. redface:
lol: lol: lol: lol: lol:
Post by: apc2010 on February 24, 2021, 11:20:16 PM
"What are you looking for?" a salesman asked me.......
"Well, if I don't I keep bumping into furniture,"........... rubschin:
redface: redface:
Post by: Just One More on February 24, 2021, 11:22:01 PM
I was in DFS....
"What are you looking for?" a salesman asked me.......
"Well, if I don't I keep bumping into furniture,"........... rubschin:
redface: redface:
lol:
Post by: Barman on February 25, 2021, 06:06:56 AM
lol: lol:I was in DFS....
"What are you looking for?" a salesman asked me.......
"Well, if I don't I keep bumping into furniture,"........... rubschin:
redface: redface:
lol:
Post by: Steve on February 25, 2021, 11:00:38 AM
lol: lol: lol:lol: lol:I was in DFS....
"What are you looking for?" a salesman asked me.......
"Well, if I don't I keep bumping into furniture,"........... rubschin:
redface: redface:
lol:
Post by: Darwins Selection on February 25, 2021, 11:54:09 AM
lol: lol: lol: lol:lol: lol: lol:lol: lol:I was in DFS....
"What are you looking for?" a salesman asked me.......
"Well, if I don't I keep bumping into furniture,"........... rubschin:
redface: redface:
lol:
Post by: apc2010 on March 03, 2021, 05:04:57 PM
It feels like yesterday................ redface:
Post by: Steve on March 03, 2021, 05:56:55 PM
Can't believe the film Groundhog Day was out 26 years ago...... rubschin:lol: lol: lol:
It feels like yesterday................ redface:
Post by: Barman on March 03, 2021, 06:50:32 PM
Can't believe the film Groundhog Day was out 26 years ago...... rubschin:
It feels like yesterday................ redface:
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Darwins Selection on March 03, 2021, 09:40:49 PM
lol: lol: lol:Can't believe the film Groundhog Day was out 26 years ago...... rubschin:
It feels like yesterday................ redface:
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Just One More on March 03, 2021, 10:19:24 PM
lol: lol: lol:Can't believe the film Groundhog Day was out 26 years ago...... rubschin:
It feels like yesterday................ redface:
lol: lol: lol:
lol: lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Darwins Selection on March 04, 2021, 12:08:17 PM
Can't believe the film Groundhog Day was out 26 years ago...... rubschin:
It feels like yesterday................ redface:
Post by: Steve on March 04, 2021, 12:37:30 PM
In order to get their visas, they needed to change their names to something more American.
Chu became Chuck,
Bu became Buck,
Fu..... decided to travel back to China.
Post by: Barman on March 04, 2021, 01:18:16 PM
Can't believe the film Groundhog Day was out 26 years ago...... rubschin:
It feels like yesterday................ redface:
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Barman on March 04, 2021, 01:18:41 PM
Three Chinese friends Chu, Bu, and Fu, decided to immigrate to the United States
In order to get their visas, they needed to change their names to something more American.
Chu became Chuck,
Bu became Buck,
Fu..... decided to travel back to China.
;D
Post by: apc2010 on March 16, 2021, 07:16:04 PM
and the guy on the triangle disappeared......................... eeek:
Post by: Steve on March 16, 2021, 09:21:19 PM
I was watching a performance by the Bermuda Philharmonic Orchestra.......lol:
and the guy on the triangle disappeared......................... eeek:
Post by: Barman on March 17, 2021, 04:55:26 AM
lol: lol:I was watching a performance by the Bermuda Philharmonic Orchestra.......lol:
and the guy on the triangle disappeared......................... eeek:
Post by: Darwins Selection on March 17, 2021, 09:50:15 AM
lol: lol: lol:lol: lol:I was watching a performance by the Bermuda Philharmonic Orchestra.......lol:
and the guy on the triangle disappeared......................... eeek:
Post by: Uncle Mort on March 17, 2021, 09:59:57 AM
lol: lol: lol: lol:lol: lol: lol:lol: lol:I was watching a performance by the Bermuda Philharmonic Orchestra.......lol:
and the guy on the triangle disappeared......................... eeek:
...and I never heard a ting.
Post by: Barman on March 17, 2021, 10:00:48 AM
lol: lol: lol: lol:lol: lol: lol:lol: lol:I was watching a performance by the Bermuda Philharmonic Orchestra.......lol:
and the guy on the triangle disappeared......................... eeek:
...and I never heard a ting.
;D
Post by: Steve on March 17, 2021, 10:26:35 AM
drumroll:lol: lol: lol: lol:lol: lol: lol:lol: lol:I was watching a performance by the Bermuda Philharmonic Orchestra.......lol:
and the guy on the triangle disappeared......................... eeek:
...and I never heard a ting.
;D
Post by: apc2010 on March 17, 2021, 07:49:38 PM
drumroll:lol: lol: lol: lol:lol: lol: lol:lol: lol:I was watching a performance by the Bermuda Philharmonic Orchestra.......lol:
and the guy on the triangle disappeared......................... eeek:
...and I never heard a ting.
;D
drumroll: drumroll:
Post by: Darwins Selection on March 17, 2021, 08:22:26 PM
drumroll: drumroll: drumroll:drumroll:lol: lol: lol: lol:lol: lol: lol:lol: lol:I was watching a performance by the Bermuda Philharmonic Orchestra.......lol:
and the guy on the triangle disappeared......................... eeek:
...and I never heard a ting.
;D
drumroll: drumroll:
Post by: Barman on March 20, 2021, 01:10:29 PM
Felt a lot better afterwards.
Post by: Steve on March 20, 2021, 01:44:03 PM
Read a book on the placebo effect once.lol:
Felt a lot better afterwards.
Post by: apc2010 on March 23, 2021, 07:09:45 PM
Then I had to make a run for it.............. redface:
Post by: Barman on March 23, 2021, 07:13:56 PM
I recently stole a rabbit............
Then I had to make a run for it.............. redface:
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Barman on March 23, 2021, 07:15:18 PM
Post by: Just One More on March 23, 2021, 07:39:46 PM
I recently stole a rabbit............
Then I had to make a run for it.............. redface:
lol: lol: lol:
lol: lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Steve on March 23, 2021, 09:27:13 PM
The word, "Gullible" has been removed from The Oxford English Dictionary...lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Darwins Selection on March 23, 2021, 09:48:12 PM
lol: lol: lol: lol:The word, "Gullible" has been removed from The Oxford English Dictionary...lol: lol: lol:
Post by: apc2010 on March 24, 2021, 04:55:18 PM
“On a right angle triangle with sides x y and z, if x and z are perpendicular which side is opposite the right angle?”..................
The barman says…
“Y - the long face…”................ Thumbs:
Post by: Steve on March 24, 2021, 05:07:52 PM
A horse walks into a bar and says;.......lol: lol: lol:
“On a right angle triangle with sides x y and z, if x and z are perpendicular which side is opposite the right angle?”..................
The barman says…
“Y - the long face…”................ Thumbs:
Post by: Barman on March 24, 2021, 06:34:06 PM
lol: lol: lol: lol:A horse walks into a bar and says;.......lol: lol: lol:
“On a right angle triangle with sides x y and z, if x and z are perpendicular which side is opposite the right angle?”..................
The barman says…
“Y - the long face…”................ Thumbs:
Post by: Darwins Selection on March 24, 2021, 08:32:26 PM
lol: lol: lol: lol: lol:lol: lol: lol: lol:A horse walks into a bar and says;.......lol: lol: lol:
“On a right angle triangle with sides x y and z, if x and z are perpendicular which side is opposite the right angle?”..................
The barman says…
“Y - the long face…”................ Thumbs:
Findus meat pie-thagorus theorum?
Post by: apc2010 on March 25, 2021, 05:50:55 PM
but how come no one talks about…
the other four letters.......... rubschin:
Post by: apc2010 on March 25, 2021, 09:09:15 PM
I should have known it would happen...........
He's pure bread...................... redface: redface: whistle:
Post by: Barman on March 26, 2021, 06:02:52 AM
I can't take my dog to the park any more as the ducks keep biting him........
I should have known it would happen...........
He's pure bread...................... redface: redface: whistle:
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: apc2010 on April 01, 2021, 02:52:00 PM
When I returned she was furious...........
Honestly, how am I supposed to know the difference between that and a gecko..............?./.. noooo:
Post by: Steve on April 01, 2021, 03:00:30 PM
My pregnant wife sent me out this morning to get a baby monitor............lol: lol: lol:
When I returned she was furious...........
Honestly, how am I supposed to know the difference between that and a gecko..............?./.. noooo:
Post by: Barman on April 01, 2021, 03:53:20 PM
lol: lol: lol: lol:My pregnant wife sent me out this morning to get a baby monitor............lol: lol: lol:
When I returned she was furious...........
Honestly, how am I supposed to know the difference between that and a gecko..............?./.. noooo:
Post by: Just One More on April 01, 2021, 05:48:55 PM
lol: lol: lol: lol:My pregnant wife sent me out this morning to get a baby monitor............lol: lol: lol:
When I returned she was furious...........
Honestly, how am I supposed to know the difference between that and a gecko..............?./.. noooo:
lol: lol: lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Darwins Selection on April 01, 2021, 08:28:07 PM
lol: lol: lol: lol: lol: lol:lol: lol: lol: lol:My pregnant wife sent me out this morning to get a baby monitor............lol: lol: lol:
When I returned she was furious...........
Honestly, how am I supposed to know the difference between that and a gecko..............?./.. noooo:
lol: lol: lol: lol: lol:
Post by: apc2010 on April 04, 2021, 08:39:04 PM
Imagine all the PayPal............ redface:
Post by: Steve on April 05, 2021, 12:23:45 AM
I've been thinking about selling my John Lennon memorabilia on eBay.......happy001
Imagine all the PayPal............ redface:
Post by: Barman on April 05, 2021, 06:32:55 AM
happy001 happy001I've been thinking about selling my John Lennon memorabilia on eBay.......happy001
Imagine all the PayPal............ redface:
Post by: Darwins Selection on April 05, 2021, 09:09:04 AM
happy001 happy001 happy001happy001 happy001I've been thinking about selling my John Lennon memorabilia on eBay.......happy001
Imagine all the PayPal............ redface:
Post by: apc2010 on April 06, 2021, 09:20:46 AM
He says to the landlord "Fuck me, that must be one clever dog".....
"Not really' said the landlord, "Every time he gets a good hand his tail starts wagging".... redface:
redface:
Post by: Barman on April 06, 2021, 11:01:19 AM
A bloke walks into a pub and sees three men and a dog playing poker......
He says to the landlord "Fuck me, that must be one clever dog".....
"Not really' said the landlord, "Every time he gets a good hand his tail starts wagging".... redface:
redface:
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Just One More on April 06, 2021, 12:59:34 PM
A bloke walks into a pub and sees three men and a dog playing poker......
He says to the landlord "Fuck me, that must be one clever dog".....
"Not really' said the landlord, "Every time he gets a good hand his tail starts wagging".... redface:
redface:
lol: lol: lol:
lol: lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Steve on April 06, 2021, 09:52:45 PM
A bloke walks into a pub and sees three men and a dog playing poker......
He says to the landlord "Fuck me, that must be one clever dog".....
"Not really' said the landlord, "Every time he gets a good hand his tail starts wagging".... redface:
redface:
Affs https://www.virtual-pub.com/SMF/index.php?topic=8111.msg655734#msg655734
Post by: apc2010 on April 07, 2021, 08:21:36 PM
"Are you mad at her?" ........ rubschin:
Post by: Barman on April 08, 2021, 05:22:49 AM
My wife thinks I am a character from "Alice in Wonderland"........ rubschin:
"Are you mad at her?" ........ rubschin:
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Darwins Selection on April 08, 2021, 09:55:53 AM
lol: lol: lol: lol:My wife thinks I am a character from "Alice in Wonderland"........ rubschin:
"Are you mad at her?" ........ rubschin:
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Steve on April 08, 2021, 11:40:22 AM
lol: lol: lol: lol: lol:lol: lol: lol: lol:My wife thinks I am a character from "Alice in Wonderland"........ rubschin:
"Are you mad at her?" ........ rubschin:
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: apc2010 on April 08, 2021, 09:24:09 PM
Times were hard............. noooo:
redface:
Post by: Just One More on April 08, 2021, 09:30:32 PM
When I was a kid, my parents could only afford a secondhand calculator which was missing the 'X' button...............
Times were hard............. noooo:
redface:
lol:
Post by: apc2010 on April 08, 2021, 10:04:03 PM
At the moment, don't know where, don't know when................. redface: redface:
Post by: Barman on April 09, 2021, 04:27:59 AM
When I was a kid, my parents could only afford a secondhand calculator which was missing the 'X' button...............
Times were hard............. noooo:
redface:
lol:
lol: lol:
Post by: Barman on April 09, 2021, 04:28:20 AM
I heard they're going to announce a Vera Lynn Tribute Concert.......... Thumbs:
At the moment, don't know where, don't know when................. redface: redface:
facepalm:
Post by: Darwins Selection on April 09, 2021, 09:18:16 AM
lol: lol: lol:When I was a kid, my parents could only afford a secondhand calculator which was missing the 'X' button...............
Times were hard............. noooo:
redface:
lol:
lol: lol:
Post by: apc2010 on April 09, 2021, 11:49:26 AM
Post by: Barman on April 09, 2021, 01:10:13 PM
In Wigan, the difference between a camera and a sock is that one take photos and the other takes 5 ......................... redface:
;D
Post by: Steve on April 09, 2021, 09:27:02 PM
lol: lol: lol: lol:lol: lol: lol:When I was a kid, my parents could only afford a secondhand calculator which was missing the 'X' button...............
Times were hard............. noooo:
redface:
lol:
lol: lol:
Post by: Steve on April 11, 2021, 04:00:45 PM
Apparently, "Fancy a shag?" Isn't the best way to welcome in potential customers.
Post by: Barman on April 11, 2021, 04:28:36 PM
Started my new job at Carpetright this morning.
Apparently, "Fancy a shag?" Isn't the best way to welcome in potential customers.
razz:
Post by: apc2010 on April 11, 2021, 04:37:29 PM
Started my new job at Carpetright this morning.
Apparently, "Fancy a shag?" Isn't the best way to welcome in potential customers.
razz:
Post by: apc2010 on April 11, 2021, 06:38:31 PM
I put in a search for lighters and all they had was 13579 matches............ noooo:
Post by: Steve on April 11, 2021, 08:04:00 PM
E-Bay is useless.........lol: lol: lol:
I put in a search for lighters and all they had was 13579 matches............ noooo:
Post by: apc2010 on April 11, 2021, 09:29:36 PM
I’ve just handed in my too weak notice............. redface: whistle:
Post by: Barman on April 12, 2021, 04:59:55 AM
lol: lol: lol: lol:E-Bay is useless.........lol: lol: lol:
I put in a search for lighters and all they had was 13579 matches............ noooo:
Post by: Barman on April 12, 2021, 05:00:15 AM
I’ve decided I need to quit my job as a personal trainer.........
I’ve just handed in my too weak notice............. redface: whistle:
;D
Post by: apc2010 on April 15, 2021, 10:23:42 PM
Post by: Barman on April 16, 2021, 06:08:46 AM
Shocking that the native Indian family were turned away from the restaurant for not having a reservation........... noooo:
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: apc2010 on April 22, 2021, 05:53:00 PM
Sales Assistant: "Would you like Fry's with that?"............. redface:
Post by: Just One More on April 22, 2021, 07:04:14 PM
"Can I buy Hugh Laurie's autobiography please?" .......................
Sales Assistant: "Would you like Fry's with that?"............. redface:
lol:
Post by: Just One More on April 22, 2021, 07:06:44 PM
Post by: Darwins Selection on April 22, 2021, 08:53:58 PM
lol: lol:"Can I buy Hugh Laurie's autobiography please?" .......................
Sales Assistant: "Would you like Fry's with that?"............. redface:
lol:
Post by: Darwins Selection on April 22, 2021, 08:54:13 PM
Vincent Price was taller than Katie Price and heavier than Alan Price. I only know this because I looked at a price comparison website.lol:
Post by: Steve on April 22, 2021, 08:58:18 PM
lol: lol: lol:lol: lol:"Can I buy Hugh Laurie's autobiography please?" .......................
Sales Assistant: "Would you like Fry's with that?"............. redface:
lol:
Post by: Barman on April 23, 2021, 06:18:09 AM
lol: lol: lol: lol:lol: lol: lol:lol: lol:"Can I buy Hugh Laurie's autobiography please?" .......................
Sales Assistant: "Would you like Fry's with that?"............. redface:
lol:
Post by: apc2010 on April 29, 2021, 04:45:48 PM
" Injure many?"..............
" No, I was in Spain".............. redface:
Post by: Just One More on April 29, 2021, 04:51:34 PM
"On holidays last year, I crashed my car into a herd of goats".........
" Injure many?"..............
" No, I was in Spain".............. redface:
Ans so you should be redface: noooo:
Post by: Steve on April 29, 2021, 04:55:36 PM
"On holidays last year, I crashed my car into a herd of goats".........lol:
" Injure many?"..............
" No, I was in Spain".............. redface:
Post by: Barman on April 29, 2021, 05:02:43 PM
"On holidays last year, I crashed my car into a herd of goats".........
" Injure many?"..............
" No, I was in Spain".............. redface:
facepalm:
Post by: Steve on April 30, 2021, 10:05:12 AM
"Can you do this any cheaper, it's got today's date on it?"
She said: "Look mister, do you want the newspaper or not?"
Post by: Barman on April 30, 2021, 10:17:43 AM
So I said to the girl at the Tesco checkout:
"Can you do this any cheaper, it's got today's date on it?"
She said: "Look mister, do you want the newspaper or not?"
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: apc2010 on April 30, 2021, 11:33:35 AM
So I said to the girl at the Tesco checkout:
"Can you do this any cheaper, it's got today's date on it?"
She said: "Look mister, do you want the newspaper or not?"
lol: lol: lol:
;D ;D Thumbs:
Post by: Just One More on April 30, 2021, 12:32:11 PM
So I said to the girl at the Tesco checkout:
"Can you do this any cheaper, it's got today's date on it?"
She said: "Look mister, do you want the newspaper or not?"
lol: lol: lol:
lol: lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Darwins Selection on April 30, 2021, 01:45:26 PM
lol: lol: lol: lol: lol:So I said to the girl at the Tesco checkout:
"Can you do this any cheaper, it's got today's date on it?"
She said: "Look mister, do you want the newspaper or not?"
lol: lol: lol:
lol: lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Grumpmeister on May 02, 2021, 10:59:42 AM
redface:
Post by: Barman on May 02, 2021, 11:09:51 AM
(https://cdn.minds.com/fs/v1/thumbnail/1235545045720621056/xlarge/)
redface:
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Just One More on May 02, 2021, 05:14:06 PM
(https://cdn.minds.com/fs/v1/thumbnail/1235545045720621056/xlarge/)
redface:
lol: lol: lol:
lol: lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Darwins Selection on May 02, 2021, 09:52:35 PM
lol: lol: lol: lol: lol:(https://cdn.minds.com/fs/v1/thumbnail/1235545045720621056/xlarge/)
redface:
lol: lol: lol:
lol: lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Grumpmeister on May 11, 2021, 03:32:02 PM
Post by: Grumpmeister on May 11, 2021, 03:32:37 PM
Post by: Barman on May 11, 2021, 03:33:09 PM
Post by: Grumpmeister on May 11, 2021, 03:38:21 PM
Post by: Barman on May 11, 2021, 03:39:12 PM
(https://scontent.fbrs4-2.fna.fbcdn.net/v/t1.6435-9/117245763_2607448159520088_3906096476926437806_n.jpg?_nc_cat=111&ccb=1-3&_nc_sid=973b4a&_nc_ohc=iTWZEAHUl58AX90XWLn&_nc_ht=scontent.fbrs4-2.fna&oh=4cc4be068e90b224969c3f7cac7cfafc&oe=60C1FC9B)
facepalm:
Post by: Grumpmeister on May 11, 2021, 04:52:13 PM
That's money for muffin, and your chips for free
redface:
Post by: Barman on May 11, 2021, 05:06:47 PM
My local bakery is in dire straits, they're giving out complimentary fries with every purchase.
That's money for muffin, and your chips for free
redface:
evil:
Post by: apc2010 on May 11, 2021, 05:22:23 PM
My local bakery is in dire straits, they're giving out complimentary fries with every purchase.
That's money for muffin, and your chips for free
redface:
evil:
;D ;D
Post by: Steve on May 11, 2021, 05:36:27 PM
Affs https://www.virtual-pub.com/SMF/index.php?topic=8111.msg701402#msg701402lol: lol: lol: lol: lol:(https://cdn.minds.com/fs/v1/thumbnail/1235545045720621056/xlarge/)
redface:
lol: lol: lol:
lol: lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Grumpmeister on May 12, 2021, 02:42:02 AM
Post by: Barman on May 12, 2021, 04:40:30 AM
(https://cdn.minds.com/fs/v1/thumbnail/1239025975689007104/xlarge/)
;D
Post by: Barman on May 12, 2021, 11:24:18 AM
(https://i.postimg.cc/cvKdNWny/185222474-5484874061586923-8868500264867202260-n.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/cvKdNWny)
Post by: Darwins Selection on May 12, 2021, 11:25:20 AM
facepalm: lol:
(https://i.postimg.cc/cvKdNWny/185222474-5484874061586923-8868500264867202260-n.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/cvKdNWny)
Post by: Steve on May 12, 2021, 11:51:22 AM
lol: lol: lol:facepalm: lol:
(https://i.postimg.cc/cvKdNWny/185222474-5484874061586923-8868500264867202260-n.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/cvKdNWny)
Post by: apc2010 on May 12, 2021, 01:42:11 PM
lol: lol: lol:facepalm: lol:
(https://i.postimg.cc/cvKdNWny/185222474-5484874061586923-8868500264867202260-n.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/cvKdNWny)
;D noooo: Thumbs:
Post by: Grumpmeister on May 12, 2021, 02:52:01 PM
Post by: Just One More on May 12, 2021, 05:59:26 PM
lol: lol: lol:facepalm: lol:
(https://i.postimg.cc/cvKdNWny/185222474-5484874061586923-8868500264867202260-n.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/cvKdNWny)
lol: lol: lol: lol:
Post by: apc2010 on May 15, 2021, 12:52:56 PM
Scientists have already got a updated vaccine 💉 ............ Thumbs:
that will be known as the Punjab............. redface:
Post by: Barman on May 15, 2021, 01:36:18 PM
So new strain of Indian Covid .........
Scientists have already got a updated vaccine 💉 ............ Thumbs:
that will be known as the Punjab............. redface:
;D
Post by: Steve on May 15, 2021, 01:51:42 PM
lol: lol:So new strain of Indian Covid .........
Scientists have already got a updated vaccine 💉 ............ Thumbs:
that will be known as the Punjab............. redface:
;D
Post by: The Moan Ranger on May 15, 2021, 03:09:56 PM
So new strain of Indian Covid .........
Scientists have already got a updated vaccine 💉 ............ Thumbs:
that will be known as the Punjab............. redface:
It protects against the Vindaflu and stops you ending up hospitalised in a Korma.
Post by: Darwins Selection on May 15, 2021, 03:59:14 PM
Also stops your Nan from getting it.So new strain of Indian Covid .........
Scientists have already got a updated vaccine 💉 ............ Thumbs:
that will be known as the Punjab............. redface:
It protects against the Vindaflu and stops you ending up hospitalised in a Korma.
Post by: apc2010 on May 15, 2021, 08:28:45 PM
Also stops your Nan from getting it.So new strain of Indian Covid .........
Scientists have already got a updated vaccine 💉 ............ Thumbs:
that will be known as the Punjab............. redface:
It protects against the Vindaflu and stops you ending up hospitalised in a Korma.
;D ;D drumroll:
Post by: Barman on May 15, 2021, 08:42:23 PM
Also stops your Nan from getting it.So new strain of Indian Covid .........
Scientists have already got a updated vaccine 💉 ............ Thumbs:
that will be known as the Punjab............. redface:
It protects against the Vindaflu and stops you ending up hospitalised in a Korma.
;D ;D drumroll:
drumroll: drumroll:
Post by: Steve on May 16, 2021, 08:26:52 AM
drumroll: drumroll: drumroll:Also stops your Nan from getting it.So new strain of Indian Covid .........
Scientists have already got a updated vaccine 💉 ............ Thumbs:
that will be known as the Punjab............. redface:
It protects against the Vindaflu and stops you ending up hospitalised in a Korma.
;D ;D drumroll:
drumroll: drumroll:
Post by: apc2010 on May 20, 2021, 02:54:59 PM
drumroll: drumroll: drumroll:Also stops your Nan from getting it.So new strain of Indian Covid .........
Scientists have already got a updated vaccine 💉 ............ Thumbs:
that will be known as the Punjab............. redface:
It protects against the Vindaflu and stops you ending up hospitalised in a Korma.
;D ;D drumroll:
drumroll: drumroll:
I heard it makes you Sikh....... rubschin:
Post by: Barman on May 20, 2021, 03:14:01 PM
drumroll: drumroll: drumroll:Also stops your Nan from getting it.So new strain of Indian Covid .........
Scientists have already got a updated vaccine 💉 ............ Thumbs:
that will be known as the Punjab............. redface:
It protects against the Vindaflu and stops you ending up hospitalised in a Korma.
;D ;D drumroll:
drumroll: drumroll:
I heard it makes you Sikh....... rubschin:
(https://i.postimg.cc/cKXpcjMx/188745690-1110281899464433-2453946428231819278-n.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/cKXpcjMx)
Post by: Darwins Selection on May 21, 2021, 02:05:54 PM
drumroll: drumroll: drumroll: drumroll:drumroll: drumroll: drumroll:Also stops your Nan from getting it.So new strain of Indian Covid .........
Scientists have already got a updated vaccine 💉 ............ Thumbs:
that will be known as the Punjab............. redface:
It protects against the Vindaflu and stops you ending up hospitalised in a Korma.
;D ;D drumroll:
drumroll: drumroll:
I heard it makes you Sikh....... rubschin:
Post by: Grumpmeister on May 24, 2021, 12:53:04 PM
Post by: Steve on May 24, 2021, 01:14:20 PM
Post by: Barman on May 24, 2021, 01:23:44 PM
(https://cdn.minds.com/fs/v1/thumbnail/1243538830715793408/xlarge/)
happy001
Post by: Grumpmeister on June 01, 2021, 04:28:20 AM
Post by: Barman on June 01, 2021, 04:57:59 AM
(https://scontent.fbrs4-1.fna.fbcdn.net/v/t1.6435-9/187182477_2830166320581603_8916800860910305488_n.jpg?_nc_cat=108&ccb=1-3&_nc_sid=973b4a&_nc_ohc=Ci6twkG09aUAX_i6uN7&_nc_ht=scontent.fbrs4-1.fna&oh=342403c6c177a74c55b0dfc88042e517&oe=60DB22C8)
lol: lol: lol: evil:
Post by: Steve on June 01, 2021, 10:47:28 AM
lol: lol: lol: lol:(https://scontent.fbrs4-1.fna.fbcdn.net/v/t1.6435-9/187182477_2830166320581603_8916800860910305488_n.jpg?_nc_cat=108&ccb=1-3&_nc_sid=973b4a&_nc_ohc=Ci6twkG09aUAX_i6uN7&_nc_ht=scontent.fbrs4-1.fna&oh=342403c6c177a74c55b0dfc88042e517&oe=60DB22C8)
lol: lol: lol: evil:
Post by: Grumpmeister on June 01, 2021, 07:33:47 PM
redface:
Post by: Grumpmeister on June 01, 2021, 07:43:34 PM
redface:
Post by: apc2010 on June 01, 2021, 11:15:48 PM
(https://cdn.minds.com/fs/v1/thumbnail/1246412745885208576/xlarge/)
redface:
Thumbs: Do not post on a serious music site... redface: noooo:
Post by: Barman on June 03, 2021, 05:44:51 AM
(https://cdn.minds.com/fs/v1/thumbnail/1246412745885208576/xlarge/)
redface:
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Barman on June 03, 2021, 05:45:08 AM
(https://cdn.minds.com/fs/v1/thumbnail/1246474312283815936/xlarge/)
redface:
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Grumpmeister on June 03, 2021, 10:22:38 PM
redface:
Post by: Barman on June 04, 2021, 04:16:32 AM
(https://scontent.fbrs4-1.fna.fbcdn.net/v/t1.6435-9/61657164_2263923383872569_7671831928856641536_n.jpg?_nc_cat=104&ccb=1-3&_nc_sid=9267fe&_nc_ohc=VKrWjCwAb7QAX_62EkD&_nc_ht=scontent.fbrs4-1.fna&oh=639f2afb89f5ea756e3643a8fad3c88b&oe=60DD644F)
redface:
;D
Post by: Grumpmeister on June 06, 2021, 12:52:13 AM
redface:
Post by: Barman on June 06, 2021, 05:00:14 AM
(https://cdn.minds.com/fs/v1/thumbnail/1247643919831334912/xlarge/)
redface:
happy001
Post by: Darwins Selection on June 06, 2021, 10:29:33 AM
drumroll: drumroll:(https://cdn.minds.com/fs/v1/thumbnail/1247643919831334912/xlarge/)
redface:
happy001
Post by: Steve on June 06, 2021, 11:12:06 AM
drumroll: drumroll: drumroll:drumroll: drumroll:(https://cdn.minds.com/fs/v1/thumbnail/1247643919831334912/xlarge/)
redface:
happy001
Bet the elephant man was pissed they erased his image
Post by: Grumpmeister on June 08, 2021, 02:25:32 AM
Post by: Barman on June 08, 2021, 04:57:30 AM
(https://cdn.minds.com/fs/v1/thumbnail/1248703263720312832/xlarge/)
happy001
Post by: Darwins Selection on June 09, 2021, 09:37:20 PM
happy001 happy001(https://cdn.minds.com/fs/v1/thumbnail/1248703263720312832/xlarge/)
happy001
Post by: Grumpmeister on June 10, 2021, 11:15:42 PM
redface:
Post by: Grumpmeister on June 17, 2021, 02:53:11 PM
Post by: Barman on June 17, 2021, 02:55:09 PM
(https://qph.fs.quoracdn.net/main-qimg-a87a19fc8f5f6638f50a6b4bfa2fcf6f)
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Darwins Selection on June 18, 2021, 11:11:43 AM
lol: lol: lol: lol:(https://qph.fs.quoracdn.net/main-qimg-a87a19fc8f5f6638f50a6b4bfa2fcf6f)
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Grumpmeister on June 21, 2021, 07:17:44 PM
Post by: Barman on June 21, 2021, 07:48:17 PM
(https://scontent.flhr2-4.fna.fbcdn.net/v/t1.6435-9/86369426_2464595757138663_1222578899121078272_n.jpg?_nc_cat=108&ccb=1-3&_nc_sid=8bfeb9&_nc_ohc=1F4V97r2dVcAX9rNMtz&_nc_oc=AQn4KV0tbmBt1Mx9QOmSCcZ58x_crBKIwMsWTU2Wd0zMB3NtX_W7AykEH_1Kpmc1a3Y&_nc_ht=scontent.flhr2-4.fna&oh=c3d0ddf75ca538b1491aa6285fcb03e5&oe=60D60EAF)
evil:
Post by: apc2010 on June 21, 2021, 09:55:26 PM
The ultrasound guy................. Thumbs: redface:
Who's the coolest dude at the hospital, when ultrasound guy is on holiday.......???
The hip replacement guy................ redface: redface: redface:
Post by: Barman on June 22, 2021, 06:07:30 AM
Who's the coolest dude at the hospital.................??
The ultrasound guy................. Thumbs: redface:
Who's the coolest dude at the hospital, when ultrasound guy is on holiday.......???
The hip replacement guy................ redface: redface: redface:
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Darwins Selection on June 22, 2021, 08:16:16 AM
lol: lol: lol: lol:Who's the coolest dude at the hospital.................??
The ultrasound guy................. Thumbs: redface:
Who's the coolest dude at the hospital, when ultrasound guy is on holiday.......???
The hip replacement guy................ redface: redface: redface:
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Grumpmeister on June 25, 2021, 11:39:20 PM
redface:
Post by: Barman on June 26, 2021, 06:05:49 AM
https://www.minds.com/newsfeed/1255034093853061120?referrer=Grumpmeister
redface:
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Grumpmeister on June 28, 2021, 05:08:51 AM
Post by: Barman on June 28, 2021, 06:10:15 AM
I heard a joke about Stockholm Syndrome the other day. I didn't get it at first, but by the end I was enthralled. redface:
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Grumpmeister on June 29, 2021, 04:20:54 AM
whistle:
Post by: Barman on June 29, 2021, 04:53:15 AM
(https://cdn.minds.com/fs/v1/thumbnail/1256228632269975552/xlarge/)
whistle:
facepalm:
Post by: Uncle Mort on June 29, 2021, 07:33:15 AM
(https://cdn.minds.com/fs/v1/thumbnail/1256228632269975552/xlarge/)
whistle:
facepalm:
<groan>
Post by: Grumpmeister on July 02, 2021, 05:05:50 PM
redface:
Post by: Barman on July 02, 2021, 05:46:53 PM
(https://cdn.minds.com/fs/v1/thumbnail/1257694284502401024/xlarge/)
redface:
Shocking! lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Steve on July 02, 2021, 06:21:36 PM
lol: lol: lol: lol:(https://cdn.minds.com/fs/v1/thumbnail/1257694284502401024/xlarge/)
redface:
Shocking! lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Steve on July 02, 2021, 06:21:50 PM
His little face lit up when he tried to walk
Post by: Just One More on July 02, 2021, 06:36:52 PM
lol: lol: lol: lol:(https://cdn.minds.com/fs/v1/thumbnail/1257694284502401024/xlarge/)
redface:
Shocking! lol: lol: lol:
lol: lol: lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Barman on July 02, 2021, 06:45:02 PM
My budgie broke his leg today so I made him a little splint out of a couple of swan vesta matches.
His little face lit up when he tried to walk
happy001
Post by: apc2010 on July 02, 2021, 07:29:21 PM
(https://cdn.minds.com/fs/v1/thumbnail/1257694284502401024/xlarge/)
redface:
Shocking! lol: lol: lol:
There is a "why you in so late ? " joke there somewhere ... rubschin:
Post by: Grumpmeister on July 05, 2021, 10:05:52 PM
Sorry Moanio.. redface:
Post by: Steve on July 06, 2021, 09:54:23 PM
(https://cdn.minds.com/fs/v1/thumbnail/1258823302272659456/xlarge/)lol: lol: lol:
Sorry Moanio.. redface:
Post by: Barman on July 09, 2021, 05:09:21 AM
The Tower is now closed “due to Corvid”.
Post by: apc2010 on July 09, 2021, 11:35:11 AM
Apparently one of the Ravens at the Tower of London has gone rogue and has been terrorising tourists.
The Tower is now closed “due to Corvid”.
lol: lol:
"did you have to google that" ..... rubschin:
Post by: Barman on July 09, 2021, 11:53:18 AM
Apparently one of the Ravens at the Tower of London has gone rogue and has been terrorising tourists.
The Tower is now closed “due to Corvid”.
lol: lol:
"did you have to google that" ..... rubschin:
redface:
Post by: apc2010 on July 09, 2021, 11:43:33 PM
I called the suppository helpline - Jeez, were they rude...........!
I rang the Apathy Society helpline but nobody answered........
I called the Tinitus helpline but it just kept ringing.........
I went on the weight watchers website and it wanted me to accept cookies ,....!!
Tried the rhetorical question hotline........... No reply...........
I tried to call the constipation hotline but their number was blocked.......
I called the paranoia hotline.'''
They answered, “How did you get this number.....? "....
Post by: Barman on July 10, 2021, 05:33:48 AM
I dialed the anonymous tips hotline................... and they told me not to run with scissors and hung up........
I called the suppository helpline - Jeez, were they rude...........!
I rang the Apathy Society helpline but nobody answered........
I called the Tinitus helpline but it just kept ringing.........
I went on the weight watchers website and it wanted me to accept cookies ,....!!
Tried the rhetorical question hotline........... No reply...........
I tried to call the constipation hotline but their number was blocked.......
I called the paranoia hotline.'''
They answered, “How did you get this number.....? "....
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Just One More on July 10, 2021, 05:46:38 AM
I dialed the anonymous tips hotline................... and they told me not to run with scissors and hung up........
I called the suppository helpline - Jeez, were they rude...........!
I rang the Apathy Society helpline but nobody answered........
I called the Tinitus helpline but it just kept ringing.........
I went on the weight watchers website and it wanted me to accept cookies ,....!!
Tried the rhetorical question hotline........... No reply...........
I tried to call the constipation hotline but their number was blocked.......
I called the paranoia hotline.'''
They answered, “How did you get this number.....? "....
lol: lol: lol:
lol: lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Steve on July 10, 2021, 09:12:14 AM
lol: lol: lol: lol: lol:I dialed the anonymous tips hotline................... and they told me not to run with scissors and hung up........
I called the suppository helpline - Jeez, were they rude...........!
I rang the Apathy Society helpline but nobody answered........
I called the Tinitus helpline but it just kept ringing.........
I went on the weight watchers website and it wanted me to accept cookies ,....!!
Tried the rhetorical question hotline........... No reply...........
I tried to call the constipation hotline but their number was blocked.......
I called the paranoia hotline.'''
They answered, “How did you get this number.....? "....
lol: lol: lol:
lol: lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Steve on July 10, 2021, 09:12:34 AM
Apparently one of the Ravens at the Tower of London has gone rogue and has been terrorising tourists.drumroll:
The Tower is now closed “due to Corvid”.
Post by: apc2010 on July 10, 2021, 02:08:27 PM
In my defense...... I can explain everything....... redface:
Post by: Barman on July 10, 2021, 02:24:22 PM
I got arrested for downloading the entire wikipedia site.......
In my defense...... I can explain everything....... redface:
facepalm:
Post by: Just One More on July 10, 2021, 05:52:39 PM
I got arrested for downloading the entire wikipedia site.......
In my defense...... I can explain everything....... redface:
facepalm:
happy001
Post by: apc2010 on July 14, 2021, 12:06:54 PM
Turns out it was in Tokyo.................... redface: noooo:
Post by: Barman on July 14, 2021, 12:23:52 PM
I went to Kyoto for the World Anagram Competition.........
Turns out it was in Tokyo.................... redface: noooo:
happy001
Post by: Darwins Selection on July 15, 2021, 10:43:23 AM
happy001 happy001I went to Kyoto for the World Anagram Competition.........
Turns out it was in Tokyo.................... redface: noooo:
happy001
Post by: Steve on July 15, 2021, 11:46:43 AM
happy001 happy001 happy001happy001 happy001I went to Kyoto for the World Anagram Competition.........
Turns out it was in Tokyo.................... redface: noooo:
happy001
Post by: Steve on July 15, 2021, 11:48:07 AM
happy001 happy001I got arrested for downloading the entire wikipedia site.......
In my defense...... I can explain everything....... redface:
facepalm:
happy001
Post by: Darwins Selection on July 16, 2021, 08:08:00 AM
happy001 happy001 happy001happy001 happy001I got arrested for downloading the entire wikipedia site.......
In my defense...... I can explain everything....... redface:
facepalm:
happy001
Post by: Grumpmeister on July 17, 2021, 04:55:03 PM
Post by: Barman on July 17, 2021, 05:05:35 PM
(https://qph.fs.quoracdn.net/main-qimg-caa57a4b8e7c769f0ad0fdb4aac23e42)
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Steve on July 17, 2021, 06:06:50 PM
lol: lol: lol: lol:(https://qph.fs.quoracdn.net/main-qimg-caa57a4b8e7c769f0ad0fdb4aac23e42)
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Steve on July 17, 2021, 06:08:09 PM
Post by: apc2010 on July 17, 2021, 06:09:05 PM
We much have done the Budweiser and Canoe joke before
Have YOU been drinking .... rubschin:
Post by: apc2010 on July 17, 2021, 06:25:04 PM
Me: You know mum and dad love each other, well two men can love each other the same way.....
Her: So what’s ‘penetrating gays’?...........
Me: Er… read me the whole sentence..........
Her: “She stared at him with a penetrating gaze”.......... redface:
Post by: Barman on July 17, 2021, 06:29:18 PM
Daughter: (puts down her book) What are gays?...
Me: You know mum and dad love each other, well two men can love each other the same way.....
Her: So what’s ‘penetrating gays’?...........
Me: Er… read me the whole sentence..........
Her: “She stared at him with a penetrating gaze”.......... redface:
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Grumpmeister on July 18, 2021, 06:20:51 AM
redface:
Post by: Barman on July 18, 2021, 06:35:34 AM
(https://cdn.minds.com/fs/v1/thumbnail/1263319977921679360/xlarge/)
redface:
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Steve on July 18, 2021, 12:03:29 PM
redface:We much have done the Budweiser and Canoe joke before
Have YOU been drinking .... rubschin:
Keyboard dyslexia plus yes I had been drinking redface:
Post by: Steve on July 18, 2021, 12:04:18 PM
lol: lol: lol: lol:(https://cdn.minds.com/fs/v1/thumbnail/1263319977921679360/xlarge/)
redface:
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: apc2010 on July 19, 2021, 08:38:24 PM
I replied. "He can smell she is ready thats how nature works!"
We then walked past a sheep field and the ram was mating the yew, again my girlfreind asked how the ram knew when the yew was ready for sex.
I replied."ts nature he can smell she is ready."
We then went past a cow field and the bull was mating the cow, my girlfriend said. "This is odd they are all at it, surely the bull can’t smell when she is ready?"
I said. "Look its nature all animals can smell when the female is ready for sex."
Anyway, after the walk I dropped her home and kissed her goodbye, she said....
"Take care and get yourself checked for Covid 19.".....
Surprised, I asked her why she feels that way..........
She said. "I think you seem to have lost your sense of smell."......... redface:
Post by: Barman on July 20, 2021, 04:35:07 AM
Went for a walk with my new girlfriend and we saw two dogs mating, she said. "How does the male know when the female is ready for sex?"
I replied. "He can smell she is ready thats how nature works!"
We then walked past a sheep field and the ram was mating the yew, again my girlfreind asked how the ram knew when the yew was ready for sex.
I replied."ts nature he can smell she is ready."
We then went past a cow field and the bull was mating the cow, my girlfriend said. "This is odd they are all at it, surely the bull can’t smell when she is ready?"
I said. "Look its nature all animals can smell when the female is ready for sex."
Anyway, after the walk I dropped her home and kissed her goodbye, she said....
"Take care and get yourself checked for Covid 19.".....
Surprised, I asked her why she feels that way..........
She said. "I think you seem to have lost your sense of smell."......... redface:
happy001
Post by: Grumpmeister on July 22, 2021, 08:45:29 AM
angel1
Post by: Barman on July 22, 2021, 08:49:08 AM
(https://scontent.flhr2-3.fna.fbcdn.net/v/t1.6435-9/120899307_2659287364336167_2347161896333392188_n.jpg?_nc_cat=103&ccb=1-3&_nc_sid=9267fe&_nc_ohc=ZqTSCvD5HNkAX-bcYqn&_nc_ht=scontent.flhr2-3.fna&oh=ae6c2e1b5f1d0b253c058287d7d0b0fd&oe=60FE5746)
angel1
evil:
Post by: Grumpmeister on July 23, 2021, 07:52:29 AM
Post by: Barman on July 23, 2021, 07:56:28 AM
(https://cdn.minds.com/fs/v1/thumbnail/1265155609037139968/xlarge/)
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Steve on July 23, 2021, 08:44:48 PM
lol: lol: lol: lol:(https://cdn.minds.com/fs/v1/thumbnail/1265155609037139968/xlarge/)
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Grumpmeister on July 24, 2021, 04:40:33 AM
angel1
Post by: Barman on July 24, 2021, 04:43:46 AM
(https://i.pinimg.com/564x/f4/01/b6/f401b66a212db1052df5e46b545cd0a4.jpg)
angel1
facepalm:
Post by: Steve on July 24, 2021, 10:30:42 AM
lol: lol:(https://i.pinimg.com/564x/f4/01/b6/f401b66a212db1052df5e46b545cd0a4.jpg)
angel1
facepalm:
We need an earworm thread
Post by: Grumpmeister on July 24, 2021, 11:48:32 AM
lol: lol:(https://i.pinimg.com/564x/f4/01/b6/f401b66a212db1052df5e46b545cd0a4.jpg)
angel1
facepalm:
We need an earworm thread
That's already been tried, BM wouldn't go anywhere near it and driving him round the bend is half the fun... whistle:
Post by: apc2010 on July 24, 2021, 11:55:58 AM
lol: lol:(https://i.pinimg.com/564x/f4/01/b6/f401b66a212db1052df5e46b545cd0a4.jpg)
angel1
facepalm:
We need an earworm thread
That's already been tried, BM wouldn't go anywhere near it and driving him round the bend is half the fun... whistle:
Thumbs: " and that's the way ah ha ah ha I like it ah ha ah ha,"........ whistle:
Post by: Barman on July 24, 2021, 12:18:41 PM
lol: lol:(https://i.pinimg.com/564x/f4/01/b6/f401b66a212db1052df5e46b545cd0a4.jpg)
angel1
facepalm:
We need an earworm thread
That's already been tried, BM wouldn't go anywhere near it and driving him round the bend is half the fun... whistle:
Thumbs: " and that's the way ah ha ah ha I like it ah ha ah ha,"........ whistle:
Banghead Banghead Banghead
Post by: Steve on July 24, 2021, 12:24:28 PM
Post by: Steve on July 24, 2021, 07:02:11 PM
Luckily he was so good I didn't give a shit.
Post by: Barman on July 24, 2021, 07:04:10 PM
My grief counselor died recently...
Luckily he was so good I didn't give a shit.
happy001
Post by: Grumpmeister on July 24, 2021, 11:04:33 PM
Post by: Just One More on July 24, 2021, 11:06:28 PM
My grief counselor died recently...
Luckily he was so good I didn't give a shit.
happy001
;D ;D
Post by: Grumpmeister on July 25, 2021, 02:15:19 PM
Post by: Barman on July 25, 2021, 02:25:20 PM
(https://i.pinimg.com/564x/38/e7/e8/38e7e8269f34a1dba062986cb8923d98.jpg)
lol: lol: lol:
Also AFFS... ;)
Post by: Steve on July 25, 2021, 08:46:15 PM
Deffo Affs but lol: lol: lol: lol:(https://i.pinimg.com/564x/38/e7/e8/38e7e8269f34a1dba062986cb8923d98.jpg)
lol: lol: lol:
Also AFFS... ;)
Post by: Barman on July 26, 2021, 01:07:13 PM
(https://i.postimg.cc/0b4VCj0V/222049596-2245732008890903-1990596312093909288-n.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/0b4VCj0V)
Post by: Grumpmeister on July 26, 2021, 10:22:44 PM
Post by: Grumpmeister on July 27, 2021, 01:28:44 AM
redface:
Post by: Grumpmeister on July 27, 2021, 02:28:52 AM
redface:
Post by: Darwins Selection on July 27, 2021, 10:16:25 AM
(https://qph.fs.quoracdn.net/main-qimg-9570602d395518e8a69bf6ee02ba1802)lol:
redface:
Bob Monkhouse, circa 1965 as I recall.
Post by: Grumpmeister on July 28, 2021, 01:53:15 PM
Post by: Grumpmeister on July 28, 2021, 01:54:28 PM
redface:
Post by: Barman on July 28, 2021, 01:57:13 PM
(https://qph.fs.quoracdn.net/main-qimg-e1a053a774fc03223daec47cd17578a5)
redface:
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Steve on July 28, 2021, 03:02:08 PM
lol: lol: lol: lol:(https://qph.fs.quoracdn.net/main-qimg-e1a053a774fc03223daec47cd17578a5)
redface:
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Grumpmeister on July 29, 2021, 10:42:16 AM
redface:
Post by: Barman on July 29, 2021, 10:49:29 AM
(https://qph.fs.quoracdn.net/main-qimg-6d30e9bea4e6d1df4b88c8383c5820e1)
redface:
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Grumpmeister on July 30, 2021, 07:23:13 AM
redface:
Post by: Grumpmeister on August 02, 2021, 09:32:57 AM
Post by: Grumpmeister on August 02, 2021, 09:34:23 AM
Post by: apc2010 on August 07, 2021, 12:50:41 PM
The nurse asked the rabbit: "What is your blood type?"....
"I am probably a type O" said the rabbit.........
Post by: Steve on August 07, 2021, 12:53:09 PM
A priest, a pastor and a rabbit walked in to a blood donation clinic...lol: lol: lol:
The nurse asked the rabbit: "What is your blood type?"....
"I am probably a type O" said the rabbit.........
Post by: Barman on August 07, 2021, 01:01:34 PM
lol: lol: lol: lol:A priest, a pastor and a rabbit walked in to a blood donation clinic...lol: lol: lol:
The nurse asked the rabbit: "What is your blood type?"....
"I am probably a type O" said the rabbit.........
Post by: Just One More on August 07, 2021, 01:13:24 PM
lol: lol: lol: lol:A priest, a pastor and a rabbit walked in to a blood donation clinic...lol: lol: lol:
The nurse asked the rabbit: "What is your blood type?"....
"I am probably a type O" said the rabbit.........
lol: lol: lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Darwins Selection on August 07, 2021, 08:59:04 PM
lol: lol: lol: lol: lol: lol:lol: lol: lol: lol:A priest, a pastor and a rabbit walked in to a blood donation clinic...lol: lol: lol:
The nurse asked the rabbit: "What is your blood type?"....
"I am probably a type O" said the rabbit.........
lol: lol: lol: lol: lol:
Post by: apc2010 on August 07, 2021, 11:23:48 PM
I ended up with ...
Too much foo yung............ redface: redface: redface: noooo:
Post by: Barman on August 08, 2021, 05:27:53 AM
I called the local Chinese takeaway and asked for the Specials...
I ended up with ...
Too much foo yung............ redface: redface: redface: noooo:
lol: lol: lol: evil:
Post by: Just One More on August 08, 2021, 05:42:33 AM
I called the local Chinese takeaway and asked for the Specials...
I ended up with ...
Too much foo yung............ redface: redface: redface: noooo:
;D ;D ;D
Post by: Grumpmeister on August 13, 2021, 06:57:09 AM
Post by: Barman on August 13, 2021, 07:08:08 AM
(https://qph.fs.quoracdn.net/main-qimg-94151c1e4f20c909df1ad6de238a5f3d)
;D
Post by: apc2010 on August 14, 2021, 10:17:55 PM
(https://qph.fs.quoracdn.net/main-qimg-94151c1e4f20c909df1ad6de238a5f3d)
;D
Works better with Erasure ...... rubschin:
Post by: Grumpmeister on August 14, 2021, 11:06:41 PM
redface:
Post by: Grumpmeister on August 15, 2021, 03:28:31 AM
Post by: Darwins Selection on August 16, 2021, 08:02:45 AM
(https://qph.fs.quoracdn.net/main-qimg-c0d3e4feb4fa066f13e72ce0bcdce953)drumroll:
Post by: Steve on August 16, 2021, 08:17:24 AM
drumroll: drumroll:(https://qph.fs.quoracdn.net/main-qimg-c0d3e4feb4fa066f13e72ce0bcdce953)drumroll:
Post by: Barman on August 16, 2021, 09:41:05 AM
(https://qph.fs.quoracdn.net/main-qimg-85b2b42da97033ed6dae275d6dccefa8)
redface:
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Barman on August 16, 2021, 09:41:25 AM
drumroll: drumroll: drumroll:drumroll: drumroll:(https://qph.fs.quoracdn.net/main-qimg-c0d3e4feb4fa066f13e72ce0bcdce953)drumroll:
Post by: Grumpmeister on August 17, 2021, 12:25:36 AM
redface:
Post by: Barman on August 17, 2021, 06:16:23 AM
(https://cdn.minds.com/fs/v1/thumbnail/1274127719768002567/xlarge/)
redface:
;D
Post by: Grumpmeister on August 17, 2021, 08:46:18 AM
You can stop whenever you want.. redface:
Post by: Steve on August 17, 2021, 11:14:00 AM
lol: lol:(https://cdn.minds.com/fs/v1/thumbnail/1274127719768002567/xlarge/)
redface:
;D
Post by: apc2010 on August 17, 2021, 12:13:47 PM
The best thing about being addicted to drinking brake fluid?
You can stop whenever you want.. redface:
;D ;D and you are welcome on skid row ...... redface:
Post by: Barman on August 17, 2021, 12:47:23 PM
The best thing about being addicted to drinking brake fluid?
You can stop whenever you want.. redface:
;D ;D and you are welcome on skid row ...... redface:
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Grumpmeister on August 17, 2021, 06:06:47 PM
Post by: Barman on August 17, 2021, 06:07:58 PM
(https://qph.fs.quoracdn.net/main-qimg-a14869b5715800dc8e8af1cf22d8c11b)
facepalm:
Post by: Steve on August 17, 2021, 10:26:03 PM
facepalm: facepalm:(https://qph.fs.quoracdn.net/main-qimg-a14869b5715800dc8e8af1cf22d8c11b)
facepalm:
Post by: Grumpmeister on August 18, 2021, 03:39:21 PM
Post by: Barman on August 18, 2021, 03:56:02 PM
(https://qph.fs.quoracdn.net/main-qimg-0413b8ef58f8b4f530cc35b16077f4cd)
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: apc2010 on August 22, 2021, 01:43:44 PM
I'm f87king fuming, I've told her not to accept suites from strangers......... noooo:
redface:
Post by: Barman on August 22, 2021, 02:29:52 PM
My daughters just come home with a settee and two chairs............
I'm f87king fuming, I've told her not to accept suites from strangers......... noooo:
redface:
;D
Post by: Steve on August 22, 2021, 04:58:04 PM
;D ;DMy daughters just come home with a settee and two chairs............
I'm f87king fuming, I've told her not to accept suites from strangers......... noooo:
redface:
;D
Post by: Just One More on August 22, 2021, 07:34:39 PM
;D ;DMy daughters just come home with a settee and two chairs............
I'm f87king fuming, I've told her not to accept suites from strangers......... noooo:
redface:
;D
;D ;D ;D
Post by: Darwins Selection on August 23, 2021, 08:39:03 AM
;D ;D ;D ;D;D ;DMy daughters just come home with a settee and two chairs............
I'm f87king fuming, I've told her not to accept suites from strangers......... noooo:
redface:
;D
;D ;D ;D
Post by: Grumpmeister on August 29, 2021, 06:42:15 PM
redface:
Post by: Barman on August 29, 2021, 06:45:48 PM
(https://qph.fs.quoracdn.net/main-qimg-297ad7a3cfa9343e828c96f841a9d5f5)
redface:
facepalm:
Post by: Grumpmeister on August 30, 2021, 12:07:41 AM
Post by: Barman on August 30, 2021, 06:01:16 AM
(https://qph.fs.quoracdn.net/main-qimg-677e78e3b7791a923a6d9f71f35cc9a7)
AFFS! Normally in cartoon mode admittedly....
Post by: Grumpmeister on September 01, 2021, 05:21:15 AM
Post by: Grumpmeister on September 01, 2021, 05:23:30 AM
redface:
Post by: Barman on September 01, 2021, 06:25:02 AM
(https://qph.fs.quoracdn.net/main-qimg-d6082c40f6d2e2a3456baf8ae5aca5b7)
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Barman on September 01, 2021, 06:25:29 AM
(https://qph.fs.quoracdn.net/main-qimg-474e76e5564409f161a5ec7f58c0f585)
redface:
happy001
Post by: Steve on September 01, 2021, 08:51:19 AM
lol: lol: lol:(https://qph.fs.quoracdn.net/main-qimg-474e76e5564409f161a5ec7f58c0f585)
redface:
happy001
Post by: Grumpmeister on September 10, 2021, 06:21:41 AM
Post by: Grumpmeister on September 10, 2021, 06:39:33 AM
Post by: Barman on September 10, 2021, 06:51:15 AM
(https://qph.fs.quoracdn.net/main-qimg-70bf215f00cf5b506702fc5549ea11a2)
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Barman on September 10, 2021, 06:51:31 AM
(https://qph.fs.quoracdn.net/main-qimg-d307fbc1b10baa129e2587d9aaa25869)
facepalm:
Post by: Grumpmeister on September 12, 2021, 01:38:45 AM
Post by: Barman on September 12, 2021, 05:15:46 AM
(https://qph.fs.quoracdn.net/main-qimg-f0ea5e927779825fab8afc7f69bd0e35)
;D
Post by: Steve on September 12, 2021, 09:38:49 AM
lol: lol: lol: lol:(https://qph.fs.quoracdn.net/main-qimg-70bf215f00cf5b506702fc5549ea11a2)
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Grumpmeister on September 13, 2021, 01:46:30 AM
Post by: Grumpmeister on September 13, 2021, 02:29:48 AM
redface:
Post by: Barman on September 13, 2021, 05:33:06 AM
(https://qph.fs.quoracdn.net/main-qimg-c4b6d3bdca003ac4fed0b740faec69e2)
;D
Post by: Barman on September 13, 2021, 05:33:44 AM
(https://qph.fs.quoracdn.net/main-qimg-0871de3d6da9aa1b2b2e01460780ec89)
redface:
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Steve on September 13, 2021, 09:35:45 AM
;D ;D(https://qph.fs.quoracdn.net/main-qimg-c4b6d3bdca003ac4fed0b740faec69e2)
;D
Post by: Darwins Selection on September 13, 2021, 10:19:09 AM
;D ;D ;D;D ;D(https://qph.fs.quoracdn.net/main-qimg-c4b6d3bdca003ac4fed0b740faec69e2)
;D
Post by: Grumpmeister on September 14, 2021, 06:42:39 AM
redface:
Post by: Barman on September 14, 2021, 06:56:51 AM
(https://qph.fs.quoracdn.net/main-qimg-c984c5d4e73dd0de590314e4311ee960)
redface:
;D
Post by: Steve on September 14, 2021, 09:58:18 AM
;D ;D(https://qph.fs.quoracdn.net/main-qimg-c984c5d4e73dd0de590314e4311ee960)
redface:
;D
Post by: Grumpmeister on September 16, 2021, 11:07:23 AM
redface:
Post by: Barman on September 16, 2021, 02:20:42 PM
(https://cdn.minds.com/fs/v1/thumbnail/1285071213105778702/xlarge/)
redface:
facepalm:
Post by: Nick on September 16, 2021, 06:41:46 PM
Post by: Just One More on September 16, 2021, 08:00:39 PM
If Phil Collins returns to drumming with Genesis there could be repercussions
happy001
Post by: Steve on September 16, 2021, 08:12:02 PM
lol: lol: lol:If Phil Collins returns to drumming with Genesis there could be repercussions
happy001
Post by: Barman on September 17, 2021, 05:48:08 AM
If Phil Collins returns to drumming with Genesis there could be repercussions
happy001
happy001 happy001
Post by: Grumpmeister on September 17, 2021, 04:29:07 PM
redface:
Post by: Barman on September 17, 2021, 06:51:04 PM
(https://qph.fs.quoracdn.net/main-qimg-79ada302231b71f0f00d99feb78b929d)
redface:
noooo:
Post by: Grumpmeister on September 20, 2021, 04:50:07 AM
redface:
Post by: Barman on September 20, 2021, 06:00:23 AM
(https://qph.fs.quoracdn.net/main-qimg-59424341d6d8d676be4dbe17edaf4119)
redface:
;D
Post by: Grumpmeister on September 23, 2021, 01:16:41 PM
Post by: Barman on September 23, 2021, 01:18:51 PM
(https://qph.fs.quoracdn.net/main-qimg-ad4fe1e3384763fe30c492ba3720f6ca)
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Grumpmeister on September 23, 2021, 06:43:45 PM
redface:
Post by: Grumpmeister on September 23, 2021, 06:47:12 PM
Post by: Grumpmeister on September 23, 2021, 06:50:28 PM
redface:
Post by: Grumpmeister on September 23, 2021, 06:51:30 PM
(https://qph.fs.quoracdn.net/main-qimg-fa746b9010f627aba87aebdaebc80619)
Post by: Steve on September 23, 2021, 08:54:56 PM
lol: lol: lol: lol:(https://qph.fs.quoracdn.net/main-qimg-ad4fe1e3384763fe30c492ba3720f6ca)
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Steve on September 23, 2021, 08:56:32 PM
(https://qph.fs.quoracdn.net/main-qimg-074055b6f82e396a69191efda19cb9ac)lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Barman on September 24, 2021, 05:45:22 AM
(https://qph.fs.quoracdn.net/main-qimg-074055b6f82e396a69191efda19cb9ac)
(C) Dave Allen, 'bout 1970... ;)
Post by: Barman on September 24, 2021, 05:47:06 AM
One for Nick
(https://qph.fs.quoracdn.net/main-qimg-fa746b9010f627aba87aebdaebc80619)
facepalm:
Post by: Grumpmeister on September 24, 2021, 11:28:21 PM
redface:
Post by: Grumpmeister on September 25, 2021, 12:21:10 AM
Post by: Barman on September 25, 2021, 05:58:01 AM
(https://qph.fs.quoracdn.net/main-qimg-23b741f192da61cfd7f73f7eb63179a5)
redface:
lol:
Post by: Barman on September 25, 2021, 05:58:20 AM
(https://qph.fs.quoracdn.net/main-qimg-ff49c852c2e83258c9a59c4abc5d129f)
;D
Post by: Grumpmeister on September 26, 2021, 10:02:11 PM
Post by: Grumpmeister on September 26, 2021, 11:12:22 PM
Post by: apc2010 on September 26, 2021, 11:20:48 PM
(https://cdn.minds.com/fs/v1/thumbnail/1288637729294258186/xlarge/)
lol: lol:
Post by: Grumpmeister on September 27, 2021, 12:15:39 AM
Post by: Barman on September 27, 2021, 06:15:50 AM
(https://qph.fs.quoracdn.net/main-qimg-5e8a774aef3389c35b44448678b20767)
;D
Post by: Barman on September 27, 2021, 06:16:19 AM
(https://qph.fs.quoracdn.net/main-qimg-b6dd8de1823392bd32d5850923e19e81)
facepalm:
Post by: Grumpmeister on September 27, 2021, 06:36:17 AM
redface:
Post by: Barman on September 27, 2021, 07:59:12 AM
(https://qph.fs.quoracdn.net/main-qimg-edb3b60135a749491eaace0160a7fbf9)
redface:
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Steve on September 27, 2021, 11:20:13 AM
lol: lol: lol:(https://cdn.minds.com/fs/v1/thumbnail/1288637729294258186/xlarge/)
lol: lol:
Post by: Barman on September 27, 2021, 11:28:28 AM
lol: lol: lol: lol:lol: lol: lol:(https://cdn.minds.com/fs/v1/thumbnail/1288637729294258186/xlarge/)
lol: lol:
Post by: apc2010 on September 27, 2021, 10:29:25 PM
I guess we're just raised differently.......................... Thumbs:
(this joke works on different levels too ).......... redface:
Post by: Grumpmeister on September 27, 2021, 11:36:15 PM
In Britain we call it a "lift" but Americans call it an "elevator"........ rubschin:
I guess we're just raised differently.......................... Thumbs:
(this joke works on different levels too ).......... redface:
AFFS!! whistle:
Post by: Grumpmeister on September 27, 2021, 11:36:25 PM
Post by: Barman on September 28, 2021, 05:24:58 AM
In Britain we call it a "lift" but Americans call it an "elevator"........ rubschin:
I guess we're just raised differently.......................... Thumbs:
(this joke works on different levels too ).......... redface:
;D
Post by: Barman on September 28, 2021, 05:25:30 AM
(https://qph.fs.quoracdn.net/main-qimg-5f061faa2b754f84e4501ed330331dc1)
AFFS! whistle:
Post by: Steve on September 28, 2021, 08:11:29 AM
;D ;DIn Britain we call it a "lift" but Americans call it an "elevator"........ rubschin:
I guess we're just raised differently.......................... Thumbs:
(this joke works on different levels too ).......... redface:
;D
Post by: Grumpmeister on September 28, 2021, 08:39:03 AM
Post by: Barman on September 28, 2021, 09:40:42 AM
(https://qph.fs.quoracdn.net/main-qimg-dc4b091e8f8626860ef34f63148f7c6f)
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: apc2010 on September 28, 2021, 10:33:41 AM
It’s because they charge a lot..................... redface: redface:
Post by: Barman on September 28, 2021, 10:34:45 AM
I just figured out why Teslas are so expensive.............. Thumbs:
It’s because they charge a lot..................... redface: redface:
drumroll:
Post by: Grumpmeister on September 28, 2021, 06:11:35 PM
redface:
Post by: Barman on September 28, 2021, 06:15:04 PM
(https://qph.fs.quoracdn.net/main-qimg-850e2f4b48b154512b0495496ac563bf)
redface:
;D
AFFS. ::)
Post by: Grumpmeister on September 28, 2021, 06:22:03 PM
Post by: Barman on September 28, 2021, 06:57:12 PM
(https://qph.fs.quoracdn.net/main-qimg-dcab16f906681549fa691d50fe3e147c)
AFFS... ::)
Are you doing the Time Warp or summat...? ::)
Post by: Grumpmeister on September 29, 2021, 12:26:02 AM
(https://qph.fs.quoracdn.net/main-qimg-dcab16f906681549fa691d50fe3e147c)
AFFS... ::)
Are you doing the Time Warp or summat...? ::)
Just a jump to the left... whistle:
Post by: Grumpmeister on September 29, 2021, 12:26:18 AM
Post by: Barman on September 29, 2021, 05:33:08 AM
(https://qph.fs.quoracdn.net/main-qimg-95737280a86caee7c6e1d0267ed8f743)
facepalm:
Post by: Grumpmeister on September 30, 2021, 11:31:35 AM
redface:
Post by: Barman on September 30, 2021, 12:25:02 PM
(https://qph.fs.quoracdn.net/main-qimg-62aeb26cc51c0694d6848c5742556760)
redface:
lol:
Post by: apc2010 on September 30, 2021, 01:38:24 PM
(https://qph.fs.quoracdn.net/main-qimg-62aeb26cc51c0694d6848c5742556760)
redface:
lol:
WHOLE different meaning here ...!!!
Post by: Barman on September 30, 2021, 02:21:14 PM
(https://qph.fs.quoracdn.net/main-qimg-62aeb26cc51c0694d6848c5742556760)
redface:
lol:
WHOLE different meaning here ...!!!
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Just One More on September 30, 2021, 11:03:02 PM
A friend of mine failed his aborigine music exam. I asked him, "did you redo it"
Post by: Grumpmeister on October 01, 2021, 12:27:39 AM
redface:
Post by: Grumpmeister on October 01, 2021, 02:53:33 AM
Post by: Barman on October 01, 2021, 05:51:40 AM
possibly an Affs rubschin:
A friend of mine failed his aborigine music exam. I asked him, "did you redo it"
;D
Post by: Barman on October 01, 2021, 05:53:53 AM
(https://i.pinimg.com/236x/b1/03/a5/b103a508d006273648dd99160950f70a.jpg)
;D
Post by: apc2010 on October 01, 2021, 01:54:05 PM
(https://thechive.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/12/cheesy-song-lyric-memes-7.jpg?attachment_cache_bust=2701905&quality=85&strip=info&w=400)
redface:
;D ;D
Post by: Grumpmeister on October 01, 2021, 08:49:02 PM
redface:
Post by: Barman on October 02, 2021, 06:36:35 AM
(https://qph.fs.quoracdn.net/main-qimg-3f18114382e255785fca36b5fca0fde0)
redface:
AFFS! lol:
Post by: Grumpmeister on October 02, 2021, 11:16:07 PM
redface:
Post by: Barman on October 03, 2021, 07:38:39 AM
(https://i.pinimg.com/564x/d0/aa/d2/d0aad2126caa45645faeb9b6b42c7b4b.jpg)
redface:
Is it time for my ABBA joke? whistle:
Post by: Grumpmeister on October 03, 2021, 08:07:29 AM
(https://i.pinimg.com/564x/d0/aa/d2/d0aad2126caa45645faeb9b6b42c7b4b.jpg)
redface:
Is it time for my ABBA joke? whistle:
No noooo:
Post by: Barman on October 03, 2021, 08:39:06 AM
(https://i.pinimg.com/564x/d0/aa/d2/d0aad2126caa45645faeb9b6b42c7b4b.jpg)
redface:
Is it time for my ABBA joke? whistle:
No noooo:
cry:
Post by: Grumpmeister on October 03, 2021, 11:35:16 PM
Post by: Grumpmeister on October 04, 2021, 12:03:51 AM
Post by: Barman on October 04, 2021, 05:35:54 AM
(https://qph.fs.quoracdn.net/main-qimg-f498ced4d0232aa75169900bda1140ca)
;D
Post by: Barman on October 04, 2021, 05:36:15 AM
(https://qph.fs.quoracdn.net/main-qimg-9d169fac3239f0628394a175da932b08)
facepalm:
Post by: Grumpmeister on October 06, 2021, 02:23:48 AM
Post by: Barman on October 06, 2021, 06:05:23 AM
(https://qph.fs.quoracdn.net/main-qimg-ec5897fb71ade4aa4ec9742da3f7a173)
happy001
Post by: apc2010 on October 06, 2021, 11:45:15 AM
(https://qph.fs.quoracdn.net/main-qimg-ec5897fb71ade4aa4ec9742da3f7a173)
happy001
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Grumpmeister on October 07, 2021, 10:47:32 AM
Post by: Barman on October 07, 2021, 11:40:05 AM
(https://qph.fs.quoracdn.net/main-qimg-58fe9d1163fddf3792c39a4cebe1fc3f)
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Grumpmeister on October 07, 2021, 09:05:45 PM
redface:
Post by: Barman on October 08, 2021, 06:09:18 AM
(https://qph.fs.quoracdn.net/main-qimg-8e336883fb090e845316e3a27d9b19d4)
redface:
;D
Post by: Grumpmeister on October 09, 2021, 05:14:01 AM
redface:
Post by: Grumpmeister on October 09, 2021, 05:15:12 AM
whistle:
Post by: Barman on October 09, 2021, 05:52:18 AM
(https://qph.fs.quoracdn.net/main-qimg-c5d3304b2876cca07abb330304ec2525)
redface:
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Barman on October 09, 2021, 05:52:36 AM
(https://qph.fs.quoracdn.net/main-qimg-5f5600003ec3c7e12626d67e6a248bc2)
whistle:
facepalm:
Post by: apc2010 on October 09, 2021, 01:03:18 PM
(https://qph.fs.quoracdn.net/main-qimg-5f5600003ec3c7e12626d67e6a248bc2)
whistle:
facepalm:
"You're telling me leaves"...
Post by: Grumpmeister on October 11, 2021, 02:51:06 PM
After Mass, the priest caught up with him and said, "Murphy, I am so glad ya decided to attend Mass. What made ya come?"
Murphy said, "I gotta be honest with you, Father. A while back, I misplaced me hat and I really love that hat. I know that McGlynn had one just like it, and I knew he came to church every Sunday. I also knew that he had to take his hat off during Mass, and I figured he would leave it on a hook at the back of the church. So, I was going to leave after Communion and steal McGlynn's hat."
Later, the priest said, "Well, Murphy, I notice that ya didn't steal McGlynn's hat. What changed your mind?"
Murphy replied, "Well, after I heard your sermon on the 10 Commandments, I decided that I didn't need to steal McGlynn's hat after all."
With a tear in his eye the priest said, "So, after I talked about 'Thou Shalt Not Steal', ya decided you would rather do without your hat than burn in hell?"
Murphy shook his head. "No, Father, after ya talked about 'Thou Shalt Not Commit Adultery', I remembered where I left me hat."
redface:
Post by: Barman on October 11, 2021, 02:53:29 PM
Murphy showed up at Mass one Sunday, and the priest almost fell down in shock when he saw him.
After Mass, the priest caught up with him and said, "Murphy, I am so glad ya decided to attend Mass. What made ya come?"
Murphy said, "I gotta be honest with you, Father. A while back, I misplaced me hat and I really love that hat. I know that McGlynn had one just like it, and I knew he came to church every Sunday. I also knew that he had to take his hat off during Mass, and I figured he would leave it on a hook at the back of the church. So, I was going to leave after Communion and steal McGlynn's hat."
Later, the priest said, "Well, Murphy, I notice that ya didn't steal McGlynn's hat. What changed your mind?"
Murphy replied, "Well, after I heard your sermon on the 10 Commandments, I decided that I didn't need to steal McGlynn's hat after all."
With a tear in his eye the priest said, "So, after I talked about 'Thou Shalt Not Steal', ya decided you would rather do without your hat than burn in hell?"
Murphy shook his head. "No, Father, after ya talked about 'Thou Shalt Not Commit Adultery', I remembered where I left me hat."
redface:
inane:
Post by: Steve on October 11, 2021, 04:25:17 PM
lol: lol: lol:Murphy showed up at Mass one Sunday, and the priest almost fell down in shock when he saw him.
After Mass, the priest caught up with him and said, "Murphy, I am so glad ya decided to attend Mass. What made ya come?"
Murphy said, "I gotta be honest with you, Father. A while back, I misplaced me hat and I really love that hat. I know that McGlynn had one just like it, and I knew he came to church every Sunday. I also knew that he had to take his hat off during Mass, and I figured he would leave it on a hook at the back of the church. So, I was going to leave after Communion and steal McGlynn's hat."
Later, the priest said, "Well, Murphy, I notice that ya didn't steal McGlynn's hat. What changed your mind?"
Murphy replied, "Well, after I heard your sermon on the 10 Commandments, I decided that I didn't need to steal McGlynn's hat after all."
With a tear in his eye the priest said, "So, after I talked about 'Thou Shalt Not Steal', ya decided you would rather do without your hat than burn in hell?"
Murphy shook his head. "No, Father, after ya talked about 'Thou Shalt Not Commit Adultery', I remembered where I left me hat."
redface:
inane:
Post by: Just One More on October 11, 2021, 07:26:03 PM
lol: lol: lol:Murphy showed up at Mass one Sunday, and the priest almost fell down in shock when he saw him.
After Mass, the priest caught up with him and said, "Murphy, I am so glad ya decided to attend Mass. What made ya come?"
Murphy said, "I gotta be honest with you, Father. A while back, I misplaced me hat and I really love that hat. I know that McGlynn had one just like it, and I knew he came to church every Sunday. I also knew that he had to take his hat off during Mass, and I figured he would leave it on a hook at the back of the church. So, I was going to leave after Communion and steal McGlynn's hat."
Later, the priest said, "Well, Murphy, I notice that ya didn't steal McGlynn's hat. What changed your mind?"
Murphy replied, "Well, after I heard your sermon on the 10 Commandments, I decided that I didn't need to steal McGlynn's hat after all."
With a tear in his eye the priest said, "So, after I talked about 'Thou Shalt Not Steal', ya decided you would rather do without your hat than burn in hell?"
Murphy shook his head. "No, Father, after ya talked about 'Thou Shalt Not Commit Adultery', I remembered where I left me hat."
redface:
inane:
lol: lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Steve on October 11, 2021, 07:41:27 PM
He stopped in front of the Holy Water, then he splashed some on each Leg, and then Threw Away his Crutches.
An Alter Boy witnessed the scene and then rang into the Rectory to tell the Priest what he had seen.
"Father" , the Alter Boy exclaimed.
"A Man just walked into the Church on Crutches, splashed Holy Water on Both Legs, then threw his Crutches Away."
"Lad you have just Witnessed a Miracle," said Father O'Grady
"Tell me Lad, where is this Man Now"..???
*
"Flat on his fucking Arse, over by the Holy Water Font".
Post by: Just One More on October 11, 2021, 08:20:16 PM
One morning a Man using his Crutches hobbled into the Chapel.
He stopped in front of the Holy Water, then he splashed some on each Leg, and then Threw Away his Crutches.
An Alter Boy witnessed the scene and then rang into the Rectory to tell the Priest what he had seen.
"Father" , the Alter Boy exclaimed.
"A Man just walked into the Church on Crutches, splashed Holy Water on Both Legs, then threw his Crutches Away."
"Lad you have just Witnessed a Miracle," said Father O'Grady
"Tell me Lad, where is this Man Now"..???
*
"Flat on his fucking Arse, over by the Holy Water Font".
happy001
Post by: Grumpmeister on October 12, 2021, 06:55:06 AM
Post by: Barman on October 12, 2021, 07:18:50 AM
(https://qph.fs.quoracdn.net/main-qimg-e7a24e085a9512afdd7a8d9a0ea639c5-lq)
razz:
Post by: Grumpmeister on October 12, 2021, 10:08:41 PM
Post by: Barman on October 13, 2021, 07:16:20 AM
(https://qph.fs.quoracdn.net/main-qimg-451437a096c80847ec084e3f2a7d1f73-lq)
doh:
Post by: apc2010 on October 13, 2021, 10:36:16 PM
N V B K I T H E K L O P F
I N V E N T O R Z S F O F
T H E E F G H J I O L P L
Y Q W O R D S E A R C H
H A S J P O D I E D G W
redface:
whistle:
Post by: Just One More on October 13, 2021, 10:47:16 PM
Some sad news today..
N V B K I T H E K L O P F
I N V E N T O R Z S F O F
T H E E F G H J I O L P L
Y Q W O R D S E A R C H
H A S J P O D I E D G W
redface:
whistle:
happy001 happy001 happy001
Post by: Barman on October 14, 2021, 04:38:20 AM
Some sad news today..
N V B K I T H E K L O P F
I N V E N T O R Z S F O F
T H E E F G H J I O L P L
Y Q W O R D S E A R C H
H A S J P O D I E D G W
redface:
whistle:
happy001 happy001 happy001
happy001 happy001 happy001 happy001
Post by: Steve on October 14, 2021, 09:32:46 AM
happy001 happy001 happy001 happy001 happy001Some sad news today..
N V B K I T H E K L O P F
I N V E N T O R Z S F O F
T H E E F G H J I O L P L
Y Q W O R D S E A R C H
H A S J P O D I E D G W
redface:
whistle:
happy001 happy001 happy001
happy001 happy001 happy001 happy001
Post by: Grumpmeister on October 15, 2021, 12:53:14 AM
Post by: Grumpmeister on October 15, 2021, 03:12:36 PM
Post by: Barman on October 15, 2021, 03:13:05 PM
(https://qph.fs.quoracdn.net/main-qimg-9e6cfea631144702865351c92153208a-lq)
facepalm:
Post by: Grumpmeister on October 17, 2021, 10:30:34 AM
Sorry Moanio, Baldymort made me do it.. redface:
Post by: Barman on October 17, 2021, 10:58:15 AM
(https://qph.fs.quoracdn.net/main-qimg-47a77903ff92270403b8727ffc31a96b-lq)
Sorry Moanio, Baldymort made me do it.. redface:
I bleddy didn't! cussing:
Post by: Grumpmeister on October 21, 2021, 05:28:35 AM
(https://qph.fs.quoracdn.net/main-qimg-ba7e6fed2a630f1ff3a7f74d4abd16d5-lq)
redface:
Post by: Grumpmeister on October 21, 2021, 05:35:46 AM
redface:
Post by: Barman on October 21, 2021, 05:59:29 AM
(https://qph.fs.quoracdn.net/main-qimg-d2d53956bbc8e252809ca0e91997de6a-lq)
redface:
happy001
Post by: Darwins Selection on October 21, 2021, 08:41:05 AM
happy001 happy001(https://qph.fs.quoracdn.net/main-qimg-d2d53956bbc8e252809ca0e91997de6a-lq)
redface:
happy001
Post by: Steve on October 21, 2021, 10:50:57 AM
happy001 happy001 happy001happy001 happy001(https://qph.fs.quoracdn.net/main-qimg-d2d53956bbc8e252809ca0e91997de6a-lq)
redface:
happy001
Post by: Grumpmeister on October 30, 2021, 01:00:10 AM
redface:
Post by: Barman on October 30, 2021, 05:50:30 AM
(https://qph.fs.quoracdn.net/main-qimg-b333d68e417e816e79515782f203ad03-lq)
redface:
;D
Post by: Steve on October 30, 2021, 10:18:20 AM
lol: lol:(https://qph.fs.quoracdn.net/main-qimg-b333d68e417e816e79515782f203ad03-lq)
redface:
;D
Post by: Barman on October 30, 2021, 10:45:51 AM
Post by: Steve on October 30, 2021, 11:13:47 AM
Just bought a scratchcard in aid of the local eczema charity...lol: lol: lol:
Post by: apc2010 on October 30, 2021, 02:08:52 PM
but apparently he was hit by a number 12 bus going to Uxbridge.....
& was killed in Acton........... redface: whistle:
Post by: Barman on October 30, 2021, 02:10:48 PM
I always thought my grandad was a war hero,.....
but apparently he was hit by a number 12 bus going to Uxbridge.....
& was killed in Acton........... redface: whistle:
happy001
Post by: Just One More on October 30, 2021, 04:16:27 PM
Just bought a scratchcard in aid of the local eczema charity...lol: lol: lol:
lol: lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Steve on October 30, 2021, 05:17:48 PM
lol: lol: lol:I always thought my grandad was a war hero,.....
but apparently he was hit by a number 12 bus going to Uxbridge.....
& was killed in Acton........... redface: whistle:
happy001
Post by: apc2010 on November 05, 2021, 03:18:19 PM
So I’ve signed a partition................ redface:
Post by: Steve on November 05, 2021, 03:27:36 PM
I feel so strongly about graffiti in toilet cubicles...happy001
So I’ve signed a partition................ redface:
Post by: Barman on November 05, 2021, 04:00:01 PM
I feel so strongly about graffiti in toilet cubicles...happy001
So I’ve signed a partition................ redface:
drumroll: happy001
Post by: Just One More on November 05, 2021, 07:31:05 PM
I feel so strongly about graffiti in toilet cubicles...happy001
So I’ve signed a partition................ redface:
drumroll: happy001
happy001 happy001
Post by: Grumpmeister on November 11, 2021, 10:18:43 AM
redface:
Post by: apc2010 on November 11, 2021, 07:32:17 PM
Me : Don't you mean History..................?
Him : Don't change the subject.............. redface:
Post by: Barman on November 12, 2021, 07:39:05 AM
Armed robber : Give me your money or you're chemistry.......
Me : Don't you mean History..................?
Him : Don't change the subject.............. redface:
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Steve on November 12, 2021, 11:25:03 AM
lol: lol: lol: lol:Armed robber : Give me your money or you're chemistry.......
Me : Don't you mean History..................?
Him : Don't change the subject.............. redface:
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Just One More on November 12, 2021, 08:00:18 PM
lol: lol: lol: lol:Armed robber : Give me your money or you're chemistry.......
Me : Don't you mean History..................?
Him : Don't change the subject.............. redface:
lol: lol: lol:
lol: lol: lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Grumpmeister on November 13, 2021, 02:50:48 AM
redface:
Post by: Just One More on November 17, 2021, 11:15:46 PM
Hawk-kestrel-man hoovers in the dark. redface:
Post by: Barman on November 18, 2021, 06:07:51 AM
What do you call a man vacuuming at night with a bird of prey on each shoulder?
Hawk-kestrel-man hoovers in the dark. redface:
facepalm:
Post by: apc2010 on November 18, 2021, 04:09:59 PM
What do you call a man vacuuming at night with a bird of prey on each shoulder?
Hawk-kestrel-man hoovers in the dark. redface:
facepalm:
;D ;D noooo:
Post by: Grumpmeister on November 18, 2021, 04:26:53 PM
redface:
Post by: Barman on November 18, 2021, 04:51:44 PM
(https://qph.fs.quoracdn.net/main-qimg-8dfb52cdd91c9324d0ab710145fdc0f7-lq)
redface:
doh:
Post by: apc2010 on November 23, 2021, 10:35:48 PM
No one can give me a straight answer .... noooo: redface:
Post by: Just One More on November 23, 2021, 11:59:25 PM
I been asking around what LGBTQ means ..... rubschin:
No one can give me a straight answer .... noooo: redface:
lol: lol:
Post by: Barman on November 24, 2021, 07:19:22 AM
I been asking around what LGBTQ means ..... rubschin:
No one can give me a straight answer .... noooo: redface:
drumroll:
Post by: Steve on November 24, 2021, 09:49:19 PM
lol: lol: lol:I been asking around what LGBTQ means ..... rubschin:
No one can give me a straight answer .... noooo: redface:
lol: lol:
Post by: Grumpmeister on November 25, 2021, 11:48:04 AM
redface:
Post by: Barman on November 25, 2021, 03:00:53 PM
(https://qph.fs.quoracdn.net/main-qimg-7c5ed2537b8da8211edaf11a035fe403-lq)
redface:
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Darwins Selection on November 26, 2021, 10:28:06 AM
lol: lol: lol: lol:(https://qph.fs.quoracdn.net/main-qimg-7c5ed2537b8da8211edaf11a035fe403-lq)
redface:
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: apc2010 on November 30, 2021, 10:45:57 PM
it's all lies................... whistle:
Post by: Just One More on November 30, 2021, 11:07:44 PM
If anyone tells you there's no chorus in Simon and Garfunkel's "The Boxer", don't believe them,................
it's all lies................... whistle:
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Steve on November 30, 2021, 11:29:44 PM
lol: lol: lol: lol:If anyone tells you there's no chorus in Simon and Garfunkel's "The Boxer", don't believe them,................
it's all lies................... whistle:
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Barman on December 01, 2021, 07:41:27 AM
lol: lol: lol: lol: lol:lol: lol: lol: lol:If anyone tells you there's no chorus in Simon and Garfunkel's "The Boxer", don't believe them,................
it's all lies................... whistle:
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Darwins Selection on December 01, 2021, 09:29:07 PM
lol: lol: lol: lol: lol: lol:lol: lol: lol: lol: lol:lol: lol: lol: lol:If anyone tells you there's no chorus in Simon and Garfunkel's "The Boxer", don't believe them,................
it's all lies................... whistle:
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Grumpmeister on December 05, 2021, 06:08:51 AM
(https://qph.fs.quoracdn.net/main-qimg-a262c48f86110c4e7a20bccce2926e5f-lq)
Post by: Barman on December 05, 2021, 08:47:27 AM
For some reason this made me think of Apey.. rubschin:
(https://qph.fs.quoracdn.net/main-qimg-a262c48f86110c4e7a20bccce2926e5f-lq)
happy001
Post by: apc2010 on December 05, 2021, 02:33:23 PM
For some reason this made me think of Apey.. rubschin:
(https://qph.fs.quoracdn.net/main-qimg-a262c48f86110c4e7a20bccce2926e5f-lq)
happy001
;D ;D Thumbs: cloud9:
Post by: apc2010 on December 05, 2021, 03:48:29 PM
Take the P out of him ............... redface: redface: redface:
Post by: Grumpmeister on December 07, 2021, 05:12:35 AM
redface:
Post by: Barman on December 07, 2021, 06:56:59 AM
How do you make a pirate angry?.......
Take the P out of him ............... redface: redface: redface:
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Barman on December 07, 2021, 06:57:17 AM
(https://qph.fs.quoracdn.net/main-qimg-a428267b325cd3a955a7a041a31858c5-pjlq)
redface:
facepalm:
Post by: Darwins Selection on December 07, 2021, 02:24:19 PM
lol: lol: lol: lol:How do you make a pirate angry?.......
Take the P out of him ............... redface: redface: redface:
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: apc2010 on December 16, 2021, 07:49:41 PM
She told me, first, you’ve got to want to help yourself.......... redface:
Post by: Barman on December 16, 2021, 07:54:03 PM
My therapist told me I can get over my fear of buffets...........
She told me, first, you’ve got to want to help yourself.......... redface:
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Steve on December 16, 2021, 09:50:48 PM
lol: lol: lol: lol:My therapist told me I can get over my fear of buffets...........
She told me, first, you’ve got to want to help yourself.......... redface:
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Just One More on December 16, 2021, 11:47:16 PM
lol: lol: lol: lol:My therapist told me I can get over my fear of buffets...........
She told me, first, you’ve got to want to help yourself.......... redface:
lol: lol: lol:
lol: lol: lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Barman on December 17, 2021, 06:50:19 AM
Post by: Darwins Selection on December 17, 2021, 10:12:53 AM
lol: lol: lol: lol: lol: lol:lol: lol: lol: lol:My therapist told me I can get over my fear of buffets...........
She told me, first, you’ve got to want to help yourself.......... redface:
lol: lol: lol:
lol: lol: lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Grumpmeister on December 19, 2021, 11:30:03 PM
redface:
Post by: Steve on December 19, 2021, 11:52:35 PM
(https://scontent.fbrs4-1.fna.fbcdn.net/v/t39.30808-6/268611301_2989734511291449_2994477313154891152_n.jpg?_nc_cat=109&ccb=1-5&_nc_sid=8bfeb9&_nc_ohc=dmG539eKppAAX9bOAXB&tn=jy6S5g9fFTFVMoKz&_nc_ht=scontent.fbrs4-1.fna&oh=00_AT_apJkANu3jI7HhByta72zqRHm4dSHGPIEyTcT8Tlmq3A&oe=61C44F35)lol: lol: lol:
redface:
Post by: Barman on December 20, 2021, 06:55:51 AM
lol: lol: lol: lol:(https://scontent.fbrs4-1.fna.fbcdn.net/v/t39.30808-6/268611301_2989734511291449_2994477313154891152_n.jpg?_nc_cat=109&ccb=1-5&_nc_sid=8bfeb9&_nc_ohc=dmG539eKppAAX9bOAXB&tn=jy6S5g9fFTFVMoKz&_nc_ht=scontent.fbrs4-1.fna&oh=00_AT_apJkANu3jI7HhByta72zqRHm4dSHGPIEyTcT8Tlmq3A&oe=61C44F35)lol: lol: lol:
redface:
Post by: Grumpmeister on December 31, 2021, 08:59:37 PM
redface:
Post by: Barman on January 01, 2022, 07:52:49 AM
(https://cdn.minds.com/fs/v1/thumbnail/1323610949109682189/xlarge/)
redface:
facepalm:
Post by: Steve on January 01, 2022, 12:08:56 PM
Post by: Steve on January 06, 2022, 05:05:45 PM
Because his Visa didn't work.
Post by: apc2010 on January 06, 2022, 06:35:13 PM
Why did Novak Djokovic pay for his flight to Australia with a Mastercard?
Because his Visa didn't work.
;D noooo:
Post by: Grumpmeister on January 06, 2022, 11:40:46 PM
redface:
Post by: Barman on January 07, 2022, 07:01:42 AM
(https://cdn.minds.com/fs/v1/thumbnail/1325876584472645638/xlarge/)
redface:
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Steve on January 08, 2022, 01:56:59 PM
Post by: apc2010 on January 08, 2022, 06:36:30 PM
Novak Djokovic is the first player to be knocked out of a grand slam tournament after missing only 2 shots.
drumroll: ;D ;D
Post by: apc2010 on January 11, 2022, 09:04:04 PM
The widow says, "Please do."......................
The man clears his throat and says,......... "Bargain."..........
The widow replies, "Thanks that means a great deal!"........... redface:
Post by: Steve on January 11, 2022, 09:06:59 PM
Post by: Barman on January 12, 2022, 08:35:14 AM
A man goes to a funeral and asks the widow, "Do you mind if I say a word?".....
The widow says, "Please do."......................
The man clears his throat and says,......... "Bargain."..........
The widow replies, "Thanks that means a great deal!"........... redface:
That must be an AFFS! rubschin:
Post by: Grumpmeister on January 13, 2022, 11:50:36 PM
redface:
Post by: Steve on January 14, 2022, 12:40:42 AM
Post by: Steve on January 18, 2022, 05:03:28 PM
He says to the barman, "watch this." He sticks the mouse on top of the biscuit tin and it starts dancing.
The barman says. "Blimey, how long does he dance for?" "As long as you like", said the guy.
"I’ll give you £50 for it" says the barman. "Sold," said the guy. That night the guy gets a call from the barman.
"How do we stop the mouse dancing, the tapping is driving us mad?"
"The guy said, lift the lid off the biscuit tin and blow out the candle."
Post by: Barman on January 18, 2022, 05:50:43 PM
Guy walks into a pub with a biscuit tin and a mouse.
He says to the barman, "watch this." He sticks the mouse on top of the biscuit tin and it starts dancing.
The barman says. "Blimey, how long does he dance for?" "As long as you like", said the guy.
"I’ll give you £50 for it" says the barman. "Sold," said the guy. That night the guy gets a call from the barman.
"How do we stop the mouse dancing, the tapping is driving us mad?"
"The guy said, lift the lid off the biscuit tin and blow out the candle."
facepalm:
Post by: Grumpmeister on January 19, 2022, 01:32:23 PM
redface:
Post by: Grumpmeister on January 19, 2022, 01:39:40 PM
redface:
Post by: Barman on January 19, 2022, 02:02:51 PM
(https://scontent.fbrs4-2.fna.fbcdn.net/v/t39.30808-6/s640x640/271940813_3010520839212816_8874158669124450909_n.jpg?_nc_cat=106&ccb=1-5&_nc_sid=8bfeb9&_nc_ohc=mezsp9J3vFQAX8Nnq-R&_nc_ht=scontent.fbrs4-2.fna&oh=00_AT95AZdKVAasxuZwBbO6EkwufODLnSOb0lvqENlrv-ODvw&oe=61ED7B5A)
redface:
lol:
Post by: Barman on January 19, 2022, 02:03:10 PM
(https://scontent.fbrs4-1.fna.fbcdn.net/v/t39.30808-6/p526x296/261582159_10227858480030194_3608781204826155860_n.jpg?_nc_cat=100&ccb=1-5&_nc_sid=8bfeb9&_nc_ohc=HMjabsO25gAAX8AkCwU&_nc_ht=scontent.fbrs4-1.fna&oh=00_AT89WDsountwAi46yAWt_GzOGTul9AMZnrHf0RUv_d249g&oe=61EDA17D)
redface:
facepalm:
Post by: Steve on January 19, 2022, 08:56:01 PM
lol: lol:(https://scontent.fbrs4-2.fna.fbcdn.net/v/t39.30808-6/s640x640/271940813_3010520839212816_8874158669124450909_n.jpg?_nc_cat=106&ccb=1-5&_nc_sid=8bfeb9&_nc_ohc=mezsp9J3vFQAX8Nnq-R&_nc_ht=scontent.fbrs4-2.fna&oh=00_AT95AZdKVAasxuZwBbO6EkwufODLnSOb0lvqENlrv-ODvw&oe=61ED7B5A)
redface:
lol:
Post by: Steve on January 19, 2022, 08:56:20 PM
lol:(https://scontent.fbrs4-1.fna.fbcdn.net/v/t39.30808-6/p526x296/261582159_10227858480030194_3608781204826155860_n.jpg?_nc_cat=100&ccb=1-5&_nc_sid=8bfeb9&_nc_ohc=HMjabsO25gAAX8AkCwU&_nc_ht=scontent.fbrs4-1.fna&oh=00_AT89WDsountwAi46yAWt_GzOGTul9AMZnrHf0RUv_d249g&oe=61EDA17D)
redface:
facepalm:
Post by: apc2010 on January 23, 2022, 08:49:16 PM
"Saline solution" he replied..........................
"Line solution, no, still no better" I said............... noooo:
Post by: Barman on January 24, 2022, 07:07:46 AM
Asked the pharmacist what he recommended for an eye irritation.....??
"Saline solution" he replied..........................
"Line solution, no, still no better" I said............... noooo:
facepalm:
Post by: Steve on January 24, 2022, 01:17:14 PM
lol:Asked the pharmacist what he recommended for an eye irritation.....??
"Saline solution" he replied..........................
"Line solution, no, still no better" I said............... noooo:
facepalm:
Post by: apc2010 on January 25, 2022, 09:59:20 PM
Her mum answered the phone and said..........
'Forget it, she's gone out'......... redface:
Post by: Barman on January 26, 2022, 05:53:05 AM
I rang an old flame last night..........
Her mum answered the phone and said..........
'Forget it, she's gone out'......... redface:
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Just One More on January 26, 2022, 07:37:26 AM
I rang an old flame last night..........
Her mum answered the phone and said..........
'Forget it, she's gone out'......... redface:
lol: lol: lol:
lol: lol: lol: lol:
Post by: apc2010 on February 03, 2022, 11:34:00 PM
I said: "Tenpin?".......
She said: "No, it's permanent"............. redface:
Post by: Steve on February 03, 2022, 11:51:11 PM
My friend said she'd got a job in a bowling alley........lol:
I said: "Tenpin?".......
She said: "No, it's permanent"............. redface:
Post by: Tipsy Gipsy on February 04, 2022, 07:07:19 AM
My friend said she'd got a job in a bowling alley........lol:
I said: "Tenpin?".......
She said: "No, it's permanent"............. redface:
lol: lol:
Post by: Barman on February 04, 2022, 07:52:24 AM
My friend said she'd got a job in a bowling alley........
I said: "Tenpin?".......
She said: "No, it's permanent"............. redface:
drumroll:
;D
Post by: Just One More on February 04, 2022, 10:34:12 AM
My friend said she'd got a job in a bowling alley........
I said: "Tenpin?".......
She said: "No, it's permanent"............. redface:
drumroll:
;D
drumroll: drumroll:
;D ;D
Post by: Darwins Selection on February 05, 2022, 12:42:56 PM
drumroll: drumroll: drumroll:My friend said she'd got a job in a bowling alley........
I said: "Tenpin?".......
She said: "No, it's permanent"............. redface:
drumroll:
;D
drumroll: drumroll:
;D ;D
Post by: Grumpmeister on February 14, 2022, 08:45:51 AM
redface:
Post by: Barman on February 14, 2022, 08:47:53 AM
(https://qph.cf2.quoracdn.net/main-qimg-b1ace546973135a7396a92ec0d3b4b63-lq)
redface:
noooo:
Post by: Grumpmeister on February 21, 2022, 09:38:51 AM
redface:
Post by: Barman on February 21, 2022, 10:22:31 AM
(https://qph.cf2.quoracdn.net/main-qimg-5ebaa7feb46b252e5793b3cc2a481cc4-lq)
redface:
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Grumpmeister on February 23, 2022, 07:08:40 PM
A def leppard..
Hat, coat, 1 armed drumroll.. redface:
Post by: Barman on February 23, 2022, 07:42:27 PM
What do you call a cougar with a hearing aid?
A def leppard..
Hat, coat, 1 armed drumroll.. redface:
noooo:
Post by: Grumpmeister on February 24, 2022, 12:43:05 AM
redface:
Post by: Barman on February 24, 2022, 05:22:59 AM
(https://qph.cf2.quoracdn.net/main-qimg-0e2c78ad172dfb190ff43b9fbc5fae68-lq)
redface:
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: apc2010 on February 24, 2022, 01:25:05 PM
(https://qph.cf2.quoracdn.net/main-qimg-0e2c78ad172dfb190ff43b9fbc5fae68-lq)
redface:
;D ;D noooo:
Post by: Grumpmeister on February 24, 2022, 11:13:56 PM
(https://qph.cf2.quoracdn.net/main-qimg-4d05ab17d63b51a1d3a6f4583ffecdb0-lq)
Post by: Barman on February 25, 2022, 07:10:45 AM
For some reason I can actually see Apey doing this.. rubschin:
(https://qph.cf2.quoracdn.net/main-qimg-4d05ab17d63b51a1d3a6f4583ffecdb0-lq)
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: apc2010 on February 25, 2022, 03:39:29 PM
Super cauliflower cheese but the lobster was atrocious............ redface:
Post by: Barman on February 25, 2022, 05:03:41 PM
I ate at Mary Poppin's Restaurant last night...
Super cauliflower cheese but the lobster was atrocious............ redface:
facepalm:
Post by: Steve on February 25, 2022, 06:35:41 PM
And call the apostrophe police.I ate at Mary Poppin's Restaurant last night...
Super cauliflower cheese but the lobster was atrocious............ redface:
facepalm:
Post by: Just One More on February 26, 2022, 07:41:29 AM
For some reason I can actually see Apey doing this.. rubschin:
(https://qph.cf2.quoracdn.net/main-qimg-4d05ab17d63b51a1d3a6f4583ffecdb0-lq)
lol: lol: lol:
lol: lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Just One More on February 26, 2022, 07:42:06 AM
I ate at Mary Poppin's Restaurant last night...
Super cauliflower cheese but the lobster was atrocious............ redface:
facepalm:
lol: lol:
Post by: Barman on February 28, 2022, 11:08:09 AM
I just don't know what to do with my shelf.
Post by: Steve on February 28, 2022, 11:52:06 AM
Cleared out my old Dusty Springfield collection.happy001
I just don't know what to do with my shelf.
Post by: apc2010 on February 28, 2022, 12:39:37 PM
Cleared out my old Dusty Springfield collection.happy001
I just don't know what to do with my shelf.
;D ;D ;D
Post by: Uncle Mort on February 28, 2022, 01:56:18 PM
Cleared out my old Dusty Springfield collection.happy001
I just don't know what to do with my shelf.
;D ;D ;D
;D ;D ;D ;D
Post by: apc2010 on February 28, 2022, 05:35:22 PM
A- Yes...
B- Sausage....
C- The Incredible Hulk........
Post by: Just One More on February 28, 2022, 05:41:02 PM
Cleared out my old Dusty Springfield collection.happy001
I just don't know what to do with my shelf.
;D ;D ;D
;D ;D ;D ;D
;D ;D ;D ;D ;D
Post by: The Moan Ranger on March 04, 2022, 08:39:35 PM
Cleared out my old Dusty Springfield collection.
I just don't know what to do with my shelf.
Delete your account lol:
Post by: Barman on March 05, 2022, 06:07:57 AM
Cleared out my old Dusty Springfield collection.
I just don't know what to do with my shelf.
Delete your account lol:
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Grumpmeister on March 05, 2022, 02:33:18 PM
redface:
Post by: Barman on March 05, 2022, 02:58:44 PM
(https://qph.fs.quoracdn.net/main-qimg-e41ab1300d45496461325a0bc04eb186-lq)
redface:
;D
Post by: Steve on March 05, 2022, 08:08:16 PM
;D ;D(https://qph.fs.quoracdn.net/main-qimg-e41ab1300d45496461325a0bc04eb186-lq)
redface:
;D
Post by: Grumpmeister on March 06, 2022, 12:29:14 AM
He finds his way to a bar stool and orders a shot of Jack Daniels.
After sitting there for a while, he yells to the bartender, 'Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?'
The bar immediately falls absolutely silent.
In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says,
'Before you tell that joke I think it is only fair, given that you are blind, that you should know five things:
1. The bartender is a blonde girl with a baseball bat.
2. The bouncer is a blonde girl.
3. I'm a 6-foot tall, 175-pound blonde woman with a black belt in karate.
4. The woman sitting next to me is blonde and a professional weight lifter.
5. The lady to your right is blonde and a professional wrestler.
Now, think about it seriously, do you still wanna tell that blonde joke?'
The blind Marine thinks for a second, shakes his head and mutters, 'No...not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times.'
redface:
Post by: Steve on March 06, 2022, 01:16:02 AM
An old, blind Marine wanders into an all-girl biker bar by mistake.lol: lol: lol:
He finds his way to a bar stool and orders a shot of Jack Daniels.
After sitting there for a while, he yells to the bartender, 'Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?'
The bar immediately falls absolutely silent.
In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says,
'Before you tell that joke I think it is only fair, given that you are blind, that you should know five things:
1. The bartender is a blonde girl with a baseball bat.
2. The bouncer is a blonde girl.
3. I'm a 6-foot tall, 175-pound blonde woman with a black belt in karate.
4. The woman sitting next to me is blonde and a professional weight lifter.
5. The lady to your right is blonde and a professional wrestler.
Now, think about it seriously, do you still wanna tell that blonde joke?'
The blind Marine thinks for a second, shakes his head and mutters, 'No...not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times.'
redface:
Post by: Barman on March 06, 2022, 06:50:02 AM
An old, blind Marine wanders into an all-girl biker bar by mistake.
He finds his way to a bar stool and orders a shot of Jack Daniels.
After sitting there for a while, he yells to the bartender, 'Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?'
The bar immediately falls absolutely silent.
In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says,
'Before you tell that joke I think it is only fair, given that you are blind, that you should know five things:
1. The bartender is a blonde girl with a baseball bat.
2. The bouncer is a blonde girl.
3. I'm a 6-foot tall, 175-pound blonde woman with a black belt in karate.
4. The woman sitting next to me is blonde and a professional weight lifter.
5. The lady to your right is blonde and a professional wrestler.
Now, think about it seriously, do you still wanna tell that blonde joke?'
The blind Marine thinks for a second, shakes his head and mutters, 'No...not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times.'
redface:
AFFS!
Post by: Steve on March 06, 2022, 12:24:28 PM
Post by: Grumpmeister on March 06, 2022, 06:01:01 PM
redface:
Post by: Barman on March 06, 2022, 06:05:53 PM
(https://qph.fs.quoracdn.net/main-qimg-a59747d91f7d58041e0bd287fd53ece8-lq)
redface:
facepalm:
Post by: Steve on March 06, 2022, 09:48:10 PM
lol: lol: lol:(https://qph.fs.quoracdn.net/main-qimg-a59747d91f7d58041e0bd287fd53ece8-lq)
redface:
facepalm:
Post by: Grumpmeister on March 08, 2022, 01:15:29 AM
redface:
Post by: Grumpmeister on March 08, 2022, 06:30:57 AM
redface:
Post by: Just One More on March 08, 2022, 07:11:11 AM
(https://qph.fs.quoracdn.net/main-qimg-0478989c011e7f9a03d95c242c39f36d-lq)
redface:
;D ;D ;D
Post by: Barman on March 08, 2022, 07:41:59 AM
(https://qph.fs.quoracdn.net/main-qimg-2754bc81789970b3a29eca859d45e7aa-lq)
redface:
An AFFS but lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Barman on March 08, 2022, 07:42:21 AM
(https://qph.fs.quoracdn.net/main-qimg-0478989c011e7f9a03d95c242c39f36d-lq)
redface:
;D ;D ;D
;D ;D ;D ;D
Post by: Steve on March 08, 2022, 02:16:08 PM
;D ;D ;D ;D ;D(https://qph.fs.quoracdn.net/main-qimg-0478989c011e7f9a03d95c242c39f36d-lq)
redface:
;D ;D ;D
;D ;D ;D ;D
Post by: apc2010 on March 08, 2022, 04:05:29 PM
;D ;D ;D ;D ;D(https://qph.fs.quoracdn.net/main-qimg-0478989c011e7f9a03d95c242c39f36d-lq)
redface:
;D ;D ;D
;D ;D ;D ;D
What on earth made him .... redface:
Post by: Grumpmeister on March 09, 2022, 01:14:05 AM
;D ;D ;D ;D ;D(https://qph.fs.quoracdn.net/main-qimg-0478989c011e7f9a03d95c242c39f36d-lq)
redface:
;D ;D ;D
;D ;D ;D ;D
What on earth made him .... redface:
He isn't the brightest of sparks and forgot the first rule, with great power comes great responsibility.. redface:
Post by: Grumpmeister on March 16, 2022, 11:46:36 PM
redface:
Post by: Barman on March 17, 2022, 06:52:33 AM
(https://qph.fs.quoracdn.net/main-qimg-7939f2d586eeff91b93856f306a3228a-lq)
redface:
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Grumpmeister on March 24, 2022, 04:48:34 PM
(https://qph.fs.quoracdn.net/main-qimg-f090d9cf8e96a4f2f70ae31b9225fe2b-lq)
redface:
Post by: Steve on March 24, 2022, 08:59:39 PM
(https://qph.fs.quoracdn.net/main-qimg-e89834e89d87aeb028e5fe43cc14aaae-lq)lol: lol: lol:
(https://qph.fs.quoracdn.net/main-qimg-f090d9cf8e96a4f2f70ae31b9225fe2b-lq)
redface:
Post by: Grumpmeister on April 02, 2022, 06:22:22 PM
redface:
Post by: Barman on April 02, 2022, 06:30:28 PM
(https://qph.fs.quoracdn.net/main-qimg-ac802bc6fe5c4995ea11a70e719f3005-lq)
redface:
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: apc2010 on April 05, 2022, 10:22:52 AM
I replied, "He doesn't like going to the vets!".............. Thumbs:
Post by: Barman on April 05, 2022, 11:08:37 AM
A friend asked me, "What's your pet hate?"..........
I replied, "He doesn't like going to the vets!".............. Thumbs:
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Just One More on April 05, 2022, 05:27:39 PM
A friend asked me, "What's your pet hate?"..........
I replied, "He doesn't like going to the vets!".............. Thumbs:
lol: lol: lol:
lol: lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Steve on April 08, 2022, 07:18:59 PM
To be fair, the people who were being photographed did try to warn him.
Post by: Barman on April 09, 2022, 05:52:51 AM
In a freak accident today, a photographer was killed when a huge lump of cheddar landed on him.
To be fair, the people who were being photographed did try to warn him.
happy001
Post by: apc2010 on April 09, 2022, 11:39:36 AM
In a freak accident today, a photographer was killed when a huge lump of cheddar landed on him.
To be fair, the people who were being photographed did try to warn him.
happy001
;D ;D ;D
Post by: Grumpmeister on April 14, 2022, 04:13:06 AM
redface:
Post by: Barman on April 14, 2022, 05:46:56 AM
(https://qph.fs.quoracdn.net/main-qimg-b0dfb874aef99fd1ac26d2c599bf2323-lq)
redface:
facepalm:
Post by: Grumpmeister on April 18, 2022, 08:11:09 AM
Post by: Barman on April 18, 2022, 09:58:06 AM
(https://qph.fs.quoracdn.net/main-qimg-fe66f1c4146fd5732997dfb17b989e7c-lq)
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Steve on April 18, 2022, 10:00:49 AM
lol: lol: lol: lol: but surely an Affs(https://qph.fs.quoracdn.net/main-qimg-fe66f1c4146fd5732997dfb17b989e7c-lq)
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Grumpmeister on April 18, 2022, 04:56:32 PM
lol: lol: lol: lol: but surely an Affs(https://qph.fs.quoracdn.net/main-qimg-fe66f1c4146fd5732997dfb17b989e7c-lq)
lol: lol: lol:
Not that I'm aware of, and that's straight from the horse's mouth.. whistle:
Post by: Barman on April 18, 2022, 05:41:10 PM
lol: lol: lol: lol: but surely an Affs(https://qph.fs.quoracdn.net/main-qimg-fe66f1c4146fd5732997dfb17b989e7c-lq)
lol: lol: lol:
Not that I'm aware of, and that's straight from the horse's mouth.. whistle:
drumroll:
Post by: Steve on April 18, 2022, 08:58:59 PM
drumroll: drumroll:lol: lol: lol: lol: but surely an Affs(https://qph.fs.quoracdn.net/main-qimg-fe66f1c4146fd5732997dfb17b989e7c-lq)
lol: lol: lol:
Not that I'm aware of, and that's straight from the horse's mouth.. whistle:
drumroll:
Post by: Grumpmeister on April 18, 2022, 11:24:44 PM
redface: redface: redface:
Post by: Barman on April 19, 2022, 06:07:14 AM
(https://qph.fs.quoracdn.net/main-qimg-38c0ae7ceccd20eb5bbb354e421ded86-lq)
redface: redface: redface:
AFFS! ::)
Post by: Steve on April 19, 2022, 10:01:09 AM
Post by: Barman on April 20, 2022, 04:43:50 AM
Perplexed he asks the barman what's just happened. Barman replies "The jukebox is out of order but the peanuts are complimentary"
Post by: Just One More on April 20, 2022, 05:46:01 AM
Man walks into a pub and as he passes the jukebox it's says "your mother is the village bike", when he gets to the bar there are some nuts in a bowl which declare "that's a lovely jacket you're wearing."
Perplexed he asks the barman what's just happened. Barman replies "The jukebox is out of order but the peanuts are complimentary"
drumroll:
Post by: Steve on April 20, 2022, 05:44:07 PM
drumroll: drumroll:Man walks into a pub and as he passes the jukebox it's says "your mother is the village bike", when he gets to the bar there are some nuts in a bowl which declare "that's a lovely jacket you're wearing."
Perplexed he asks the barman what's just happened. Barman replies "The jukebox is out of order but the peanuts are complimentary"
drumroll:
Post by: Grumpmeister on April 21, 2022, 10:40:29 PM
Post by: Barman on April 22, 2022, 06:24:07 AM
(https://qph.fs.quoracdn.net/main-qimg-9a8c2f31a26d334f510d3ba6a63be6d5-lq)
lol: lol: lol: scared2:
Post by: Steve on April 22, 2022, 08:26:59 PM
lol: lol: lol: lol: scared2: scared2:(https://qph.fs.quoracdn.net/main-qimg-9a8c2f31a26d334f510d3ba6a63be6d5-lq)
lol: lol: lol: scared2:
Post by: Barman on April 24, 2022, 09:02:26 AM
(https://i.postimg.cc/CB7Q95bf/278430171-4875513749244020-2450061036968738390-n.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/CB7Q95bf)
Post by: Just One More on April 24, 2022, 09:34:32 AM
(https://i.postimg.cc/CB7Q95bf/278430171-4875513749244020-2450061036968738390-n.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/CB7Q95bf)
facepalm:
Post by: Steve on April 24, 2022, 09:48:04 AM
doublefacepalm
(https://i.postimg.cc/CB7Q95bf/278430171-4875513749244020-2450061036968738390-n.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/CB7Q95bf)
facepalm:
Post by: Grumpmeister on April 24, 2022, 10:30:32 AM
redface:
Post by: Steve on April 24, 2022, 11:04:14 AM
(https://qph.fs.quoracdn.net/main-qimg-0516b1f9369c567e81bc64fd2788ce88-lq)lol:
redface:
Post by: Uncle Mort on April 24, 2022, 11:22:16 AM
Post by: Just One More on April 24, 2022, 05:38:36 PM
Good joke but the comment at the end is annoying, typical social media. cussing:
You didn't have to read all the way to the end Uncle. It wasn't one of those that says, "Now I know that my true friends will read all the way to the end..." ;)
Post by: Barman on April 24, 2022, 05:39:47 PM
Good joke but the comment at the end is annoying, typical social media. cussing:
You didn't have to read all the way to the end Uncle. It wasn't one of those that says, "Now I know that my true friends will read all the way to the end..." ;)
happy001
Post by: Steve on April 24, 2022, 07:55:40 PM
Good joke but the comment at the end is annoying, typical social media. cussing:True
Post by: Barman on April 26, 2022, 08:13:09 AM
Post by: Steve on April 26, 2022, 08:52:21 AM
"Brace yourself." -lazy orthodontistlol:
Post by: Just One More on April 26, 2022, 05:28:24 PM
"Brace yourself." -lazy orthodontistlol:
lol: lol:
Post by: Grumpmeister on May 06, 2022, 11:54:59 PM
Post by: Barman on May 07, 2022, 06:21:24 AM
(https://qph.cf2.quoracdn.net/main-qimg-b1835cd252226b1b21f5914db79f1b80)
lol:
Post by: apc2010 on May 07, 2022, 05:10:05 PM
I was going to confront him but I got cold feet...... redface:
Post by: Barman on May 07, 2022, 05:30:24 PM
I saw my neighbour stealing my socks off my washing line......
I was going to confront him but I got cold feet...... redface:
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Steve on May 07, 2022, 06:12:07 PM
drumroll:I saw my neighbour stealing my socks off my washing line......
I was going to confront him but I got cold feet...... redface:
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Just One More on May 07, 2022, 06:25:52 PM
drumroll:I saw my neighbour stealing my socks off my washing line......
I was going to confront him but I got cold feet...... redface:
lol: lol: lol:
drumroll: drumroll:
Post by: Grumpmeister on May 07, 2022, 11:36:51 PM
redface:
Post by: Barman on May 08, 2022, 07:53:30 AM
(https://qph.cf2.quoracdn.net/main-qimg-be22968dce2c087b0ab906a1118f069f-pjlq)
redface:
;D
AFFS I think... rubschin:
Post by: Barman on May 09, 2022, 06:50:44 AM
Post by: Steve on May 09, 2022, 09:09:32 AM
I've started going to AA ( Illiterates Anonymous)happy001
Post by: apc2010 on May 09, 2022, 09:39:17 AM
I've started going to AA ( Illiterates Anonymous)happy001
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: apc2010 on May 11, 2022, 11:55:38 AM
Until I found out it was not her real name..........................................!....... redface:
Post by: Barman on May 11, 2022, 11:59:23 AM
I used to go out with a girl called Sue Denim,............
Until I found out it was not her real name..........................................!....... redface:
facepalm:
Post by: Steve on May 11, 2022, 12:23:07 PM
doublefacepalmI used to go out with a girl called Sue Denim,............
Until I found out it was not her real name..........................................!....... redface:
facepalm:
Post by: Uncle Mort on May 11, 2022, 12:46:48 PM
Post by: Steve on May 11, 2022, 12:57:01 PM
Post by: Uncle Mort on May 11, 2022, 03:58:33 PM
Post by: Steve on May 11, 2022, 04:11:11 PM
Post by: Barman on May 11, 2022, 04:25:35 PM
facepalm:doublefacepalm
Post by: Just One More on May 11, 2022, 04:29:33 PM
doublefacepalmI used to go out with a girl called Sue Denim,............
Until I found out it was not her real name..........................................!....... redface:
facepalm:
facepalm: doublefacepalm
Post by: apc2010 on May 16, 2022, 11:45:31 AM
She's never shut up about it since 12:73................... redface:
Post by: Barman on May 16, 2022, 12:08:48 PM
Wife went mad when I bought a fake rolex.............
She's never shut up about it since 12:73................... redface:
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Steve on May 16, 2022, 08:20:31 PM
lol: lol: lol: lol:Wife went mad when I bought a fake rolex.............
She's never shut up about it since 12:73................... redface:
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Just One More on May 17, 2022, 04:57:55 AM
lol: lol: lol: lol:Wife went mad when I bought a fake rolex.............
She's never shut up about it since 12:73................... redface:
lol: lol: lol:
lol: lol: lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Grumpmeister on May 17, 2022, 04:52:33 PM
redface:
Post by: Steve on May 17, 2022, 07:34:23 PM
(https://qph.cf2.quoracdn.net/main-qimg-0c3d654c25e480fb7d530b5e59945e97-lq)lol: lol: lol:
redface:
Post by: apc2010 on May 18, 2022, 11:34:57 AM
Post by: Steve on May 18, 2022, 11:55:15 AM
So the thief who's been stealing people's clothes in order of size is still at large...... redface: redface:lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Barman on May 18, 2022, 12:44:51 PM
lol: lol: lol: lol:So the thief who's been stealing people's clothes in order of size is still at large...... redface: redface:lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Just One More on May 18, 2022, 04:48:41 PM
lol: lol: lol: lol:So the thief who's been stealing people's clothes in order of size is still at large...... redface: redface:lol: lol: lol:
lol: lol: lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Just One More on May 25, 2022, 05:58:29 AM
Police say he will be charged at the station....
Post by: Barman on May 25, 2022, 06:11:31 AM
Police have finally caught the man who thinks he's an electric car, he's been running up and down the road holding up the traffic.
Police say he will be charged at the station....
;D
Post by: Steve on May 25, 2022, 07:21:39 PM
;D ;DPolice have finally caught the man who thinks he's an electric car, he's been running up and down the road holding up the traffic.
Police say he will be charged at the station....
;D
Post by: Grumpmeister on May 27, 2022, 11:52:55 PM
redface:
Post by: Barman on May 28, 2022, 07:10:45 AM
(https://qph.cf2.quoracdn.net/main-qimg-9175537db2ed8484d4068554ef615fe4-pjlq)
redface:
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Just One More on May 28, 2022, 05:21:57 PM
(https://qph.cf2.quoracdn.net/main-qimg-9175537db2ed8484d4068554ef615fe4-pjlq)
redface:
lol: lol: lol:
lol: lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Barman on May 30, 2022, 02:08:07 PM
Luckily it had exceedingly good brakes. redface:
Post by: Steve on May 30, 2022, 03:52:28 PM
Phew, that was close, I walked out in front of a Mr. Kipling delivery van!lol: lol: lol:
Luckily it had exceedingly good brakes. redface:
Post by: Just One More on May 30, 2022, 05:01:31 PM
Phew, that was close, I walked out in front of a Mr. Kipling delivery van!lol: lol: lol:
Luckily it had exceedingly good brakes. redface:
lol: lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Grumpmeister on May 31, 2022, 05:01:16 AM
redface:
Post by: Grumpmeister on May 31, 2022, 05:13:37 AM
The opposite of Formaldehyde is Casualdejekyll
redface:
Post by: Barman on May 31, 2022, 07:38:31 AM
Thought for the day:
The opposite of Formaldehyde is Casualdejekyll
redface:
happy001
Post by: apc2010 on May 31, 2022, 10:32:08 AM
Thought for the day:
The opposite of Formaldehyde is Casualdejekyll
redface:
happy001
;D ;D ;D
Post by: apc2010 on June 02, 2022, 12:17:42 PM
I thought it had a nice ring to it............ redface:
Post by: Barman on June 02, 2022, 12:45:50 PM
My friend looked at me like I was crazy when I told him I had named my new born baby boy "Samsung"...........
I thought it had a nice ring to it............ redface:
facepalm:
Post by: Steve on June 02, 2022, 01:31:37 PM
doublefacepalmMy friend looked at me like I was crazy when I told him I had named my new born baby boy "Samsung"...........
I thought it had a nice ring to it............ redface:
facepalm:
Post by: Just One More on June 02, 2022, 04:51:09 PM
doublefacepalmMy friend looked at me like I was crazy when I told him I had named my new born baby boy "Samsung"...........
I thought it had a nice ring to it............ redface:
facepalm:
doublefacepalm facepalm:
Post by: apc2010 on June 04, 2022, 03:12:25 PM
Nice flour arrangements.... redface:
Post by: Barman on June 04, 2022, 03:18:12 PM
Went to a baker's wedding ..........
Nice flour arrangements.... redface:
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Steve on June 04, 2022, 05:15:52 PM
lol: lol: lol: lol:Went to a baker's wedding ..........
Nice flour arrangements.... redface:
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Grumpmeister on June 04, 2022, 10:17:04 PM
redface:
Post by: Steve on June 04, 2022, 10:49:21 PM
(https://qph.cf2.quoracdn.net/main-qimg-6c1b52182c995ab9d116e0e04d93bb66-lq)lol: lol: lol:
redface:
Post by: Barman on June 05, 2022, 04:56:14 AM
lol: lol: lol: lol:(https://qph.cf2.quoracdn.net/main-qimg-6c1b52182c995ab9d116e0e04d93bb66-lq)lol: lol: lol:
redface:
Post by: apc2010 on June 05, 2022, 11:15:03 AM
ACCOUNTANT NEEDED!
£35,000 - £40,000...
So I rang them and said, "The answer is -£5,000.................. Thumbs:
Post by: Steve on June 05, 2022, 11:25:44 AM
I've just seen an advert in my local newspaper......lol:
ACCOUNTANT NEEDED!
£35,000 - £40,000...
So I rang them and said, "The answer is -£5,000.................. Thumbs:
Post by: Barman on June 05, 2022, 11:39:46 AM
I've just seen an advert in my local newspaper......lol:
ACCOUNTANT NEEDED!
£35,000 - £40,000...
So I rang them and said, "The answer is -£5,000.................. Thumbs:
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Uncle Mort on June 05, 2022, 11:44:36 AM
I've just seen an advert in my local newspaper......lol:
ACCOUNTANT NEEDED!
£35,000 - £40,000...
So I rang them and said, "The answer is -£5,000.................. Thumbs:
lol: lol: lol:
They must have been at a loss for words. ;)
Post by: Just One More on June 05, 2022, 04:07:20 PM
I've just seen an advert in my local newspaper......lol:
ACCOUNTANT NEEDED!
£35,000 - £40,000...
So I rang them and said, "The answer is -£5,000.................. Thumbs:
lol: lol: lol:
lol: lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Just One More on June 09, 2022, 06:16:52 AM
My Mum used to wrap my feet in bubble wrap and ask me to pop to the shops for her.
Post by: Just One More on June 09, 2022, 06:17:30 AM
Post by: Barman on June 09, 2022, 07:02:19 AM
As a child our family were so poor that we couldn't afford shoes.
My Mum used to wrap my feet in bubble wrap and ask me to pop to the shops for her.
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Barman on June 09, 2022, 07:02:40 AM
I’ve started a fitness regime by doing lunges…that’s a big step forward!
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Steve on June 09, 2022, 08:02:17 AM
lol: lol: lol: lol:As a child our family were so poor that we couldn't afford shoes.
My Mum used to wrap my feet in bubble wrap and ask me to pop to the shops for her.
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Steve on June 09, 2022, 08:02:40 AM
lol: lol: lol: lol:I’ve started a fitness regime by doing lunges…that’s a big step forward!
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: apc2010 on June 09, 2022, 09:49:00 AM
Post by: apc2010 on June 10, 2022, 12:30:32 PM
He asked the doctor if I'd be able to use his hand again..?....
he said "Probably, but I wouldn't count on it"........................ redface:
Post by: Barman on June 10, 2022, 01:34:03 PM
My mate lost some fingers in a freak accident.....
He asked the doctor if I'd be able to use his hand again..?....
he said "Probably, but I wouldn't count on it"........................ redface:
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Steve on June 10, 2022, 04:36:19 PM
lol: lol: lol: lol:My mate lost some fingers in a freak accident.....
He asked the doctor if I'd be able to use his hand again..?....
he said "Probably, but I wouldn't count on it"........................ redface:
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Just One More on June 10, 2022, 07:59:34 PM
lol: lol: lol: lol:My mate lost some fingers in a freak accident.....
He asked the doctor if I'd be able to use his hand again..?....
he said "Probably, but I wouldn't count on it"........................ redface:
lol: lol: lol:
lol: lol: lol: lol: lol:
Post by: apc2010 on June 12, 2022, 04:51:04 PM
Police think it's a race related crime............... whistle:
Post by: Steve on June 12, 2022, 07:17:55 PM
A friend of mine was wounded with a starting pistol..........lol: lol: lol:
Police think it's a race related crime............... whistle:
Post by: Barman on June 13, 2022, 05:53:35 AM
lol: lol: lol: lol:A friend of mine was wounded with a starting pistol..........lol: lol: lol:
Police think it's a race related crime............... whistle:
Post by: Grumpmeister on June 13, 2022, 01:47:47 PM
redface:
Post by: Barman on June 13, 2022, 01:48:35 PM
(https://qph.cf2.quoracdn.net/main-qimg-e97314966cf40c49f4b1cfa7218d67c9-pjlq)
redface:
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Steve on June 13, 2022, 01:55:02 PM
lol: lol: lol: lol:(https://qph.cf2.quoracdn.net/main-qimg-e97314966cf40c49f4b1cfa7218d67c9-pjlq)
redface:
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Grumpmeister on June 13, 2022, 02:20:04 PM
redface:
Post by: Barman on June 13, 2022, 02:32:52 PM
Thought for the day: For years cats have wondered why soda cans/bottles yell FUCK OFF!! when they are first opened.
redface:
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Steve on June 13, 2022, 04:14:46 PM
lol: lol: lol: lol:Thought for the day: For years cats have wondered why soda cans/bottles yell FUCK OFF!! when they are first opened.
redface:
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Barman on June 14, 2022, 02:05:28 PM
Post by: Steve on June 14, 2022, 03:46:13 PM
It’s recently been discovered that Anne Boleyn had a brother called Tenpin.lol:
Post by: Steve on June 15, 2022, 07:46:24 PM
I reckon I could do it with my hands tied behind my back.
Post by: Just One More on June 15, 2022, 07:58:22 PM
They say that being a hostage is hard and mentally draining but...
I reckon I could do it with my hands tied behind my back.
lol:
Post by: Barman on June 16, 2022, 07:49:21 AM
lol: lol:They say that being a hostage is hard and mentally draining but...
I reckon I could do it with my hands tied behind my back.
lol:
Post by: Grumpmeister on June 16, 2022, 11:33:50 AM
When the waiter brought our water and cutlery, I noticed he also had a spoon in his shirt pocket. Then I looked around and saw that all the staff had spoons in their pockets.
When the waiter came back to serve our soup I asked, "Why the spoon?" "Well, "he explained, "the restaurant’s owners hired Andersen Consulting to revamp all our processes. After several months of analysis, they concluded that the spoon was the most frequently dropped piece of cutlery. It represents a drop frequency of approximately 3 spoons per table per hour. If our staff are better prepared, we can reduce the number of trips back to the kitchen and save 15 man-hours per shift."
As luck would have it, I dropped my spoon and he was able to replace it with his spare. "I’ll get another spoon next time I go to the kitchen instead of making an extra trip to get it right now." I was impressed.
I also noticed that there was a string hanging out of the waiter’s zip on his trousers. Looking around, I noticed that all the waiters had the same string hanging from their flies. So before he walked off, I asked the waiter, "Excuse me, but can you tell me why you have that string right there?"
"Oh, certainly!" Then he lowered his voice. "Not everyone is so observant. That consulting firm I mentioned also found out that we can save time in the rest-room. By tying this string to the tip of you know what, we can pull it out without touching it and eliminate the need to wash our hands, shortening the time spent in the rest-room by 76.39 per cent."
I asked "After you get it out, how do you put it back?"
"Well," he whispered, "I don’t know about the others, but I use the spoon."
redface:
Post by: Barman on June 16, 2022, 11:45:32 AM
Last week, we took some friends out to a new restaurant, and noticed that the waiter who took our order carried a spoon in his shirt pocket. It seemed a little strange.
When the waiter brought our water and cutlery, I noticed he also had a spoon in his shirt pocket. Then I looked around and saw that all the staff had spoons in their pockets.
When the waiter came back to serve our soup I asked, "Why the spoon?" "Well, "he explained, "the restaurant’s owners hired Andersen Consulting to revamp all our processes. After several months of analysis, they concluded that the spoon was the most frequently dropped piece of cutlery. It represents a drop frequency of approximately 3 spoons per table per hour. If our staff are better prepared, we can reduce the number of trips back to the kitchen and save 15 man-hours per shift."
As luck would have it, I dropped my spoon and he was able to replace it with his spare. "I’ll get another spoon next time I go to the kitchen instead of making an extra trip to get it right now." I was impressed.
I also noticed that there was a string hanging out of the waiter’s zip on his trousers. Looking around, I noticed that all the waiters had the same string hanging from their flies. So before he walked off, I asked the waiter, "Excuse me, but can you tell me why you have that string right there?"
"Oh, certainly!" Then he lowered his voice. "Not everyone is so observant. That consulting firm I mentioned also found out that we can save time in the rest-room. By tying this string to the tip of you know what, we can pull it out without touching it and eliminate the need to wash our hands, shortening the time spent in the rest-room by 76.39 per cent."
I asked "After you get it out, how do you put it back?"
"Well," he whispered, "I don’t know about the others, but I use the spoon."
redface:
Jimmy Tarbuck will want royalties for that... ::)
Post by: Grumpmeister on June 16, 2022, 12:04:09 PM
Last week, we took some friends out to a new restaurant, and noticed that the waiter who took our order carried a spoon in his shirt pocket. It seemed a little strange.
When the waiter brought our water and cutlery, I noticed he also had a spoon in his shirt pocket. Then I looked around and saw that all the staff had spoons in their pockets.
When the waiter came back to serve our soup I asked, "Why the spoon?" "Well, "he explained, "the restaurant’s owners hired Andersen Consulting to revamp all our processes. After several months of analysis, they concluded that the spoon was the most frequently dropped piece of cutlery. It represents a drop frequency of approximately 3 spoons per table per hour. If our staff are better prepared, we can reduce the number of trips back to the kitchen and save 15 man-hours per shift."
As luck would have it, I dropped my spoon and he was able to replace it with his spare. "I’ll get another spoon next time I go to the kitchen instead of making an extra trip to get it right now." I was impressed.
I also noticed that there was a string hanging out of the waiter’s zip on his trousers. Looking around, I noticed that all the waiters had the same string hanging from their flies. So before he walked off, I asked the waiter, "Excuse me, but can you tell me why you have that string right there?"
"Oh, certainly!" Then he lowered his voice. "Not everyone is so observant. That consulting firm I mentioned also found out that we can save time in the rest-room. By tying this string to the tip of you know what, we can pull it out without touching it and eliminate the need to wash our hands, shortening the time spent in the rest-room by 76.39 per cent."
I asked "After you get it out, how do you put it back?"
"Well," he whispered, "I don’t know about the others, but I use the spoon."
redface:
Jimmy Tarbuck will want royalties for that... ::)
Must be before my time.. whistle:
Post by: Steve on June 16, 2022, 04:33:36 PM
And via the OUIJA board Snoopy shouts AffsLast week, we took some friends out to a new restaurant, and noticed that the waiter who took our order carried a spoon in his shirt pocket. It seemed a little strange.
When the waiter brought our water and cutlery, I noticed he also had a spoon in his shirt pocket. Then I looked around and saw that all the staff had spoons in their pockets.
When the waiter came back to serve our soup I asked, "Why the spoon?" "Well, "he explained, "the restaurant’s owners hired Andersen Consulting to revamp all our processes. After several months of analysis, they concluded that the spoon was the most frequently dropped piece of cutlery. It represents a drop frequency of approximately 3 spoons per table per hour. If our staff are better prepared, we can reduce the number of trips back to the kitchen and save 15 man-hours per shift."
As luck would have it, I dropped my spoon and he was able to replace it with his spare. "I’ll get another spoon next time I go to the kitchen instead of making an extra trip to get it right now." I was impressed.
I also noticed that there was a string hanging out of the waiter’s zip on his trousers. Looking around, I noticed that all the waiters had the same string hanging from their flies. So before he walked off, I asked the waiter, "Excuse me, but can you tell me why you have that string right there?"
"Oh, certainly!" Then he lowered his voice. "Not everyone is so observant. That consulting firm I mentioned also found out that we can save time in the rest-room. By tying this string to the tip of you know what, we can pull it out without touching it and eliminate the need to wash our hands, shortening the time spent in the rest-room by 76.39 per cent."
I asked "After you get it out, how do you put it back?"
"Well," he whispered, "I don’t know about the others, but I use the spoon."
redface:
Jimmy Tarbuck will want royalties for that... ::)
https://www.virtual-pub.com/SMF/index.php?topic=3918.msg78083#msg78083
Post by: Barman on June 16, 2022, 07:03:32 PM
And via the OUIJA board Snoopy shouts AffsLast week, we took some friends out to a new restaurant, and noticed that the waiter who took our order carried a spoon in his shirt pocket. It seemed a little strange.
When the waiter brought our water and cutlery, I noticed he also had a spoon in his shirt pocket. Then I looked around and saw that all the staff had spoons in their pockets.
When the waiter came back to serve our soup I asked, "Why the spoon?" "Well, "he explained, "the restaurant’s owners hired Andersen Consulting to revamp all our processes. After several months of analysis, they concluded that the spoon was the most frequently dropped piece of cutlery. It represents a drop frequency of approximately 3 spoons per table per hour. If our staff are better prepared, we can reduce the number of trips back to the kitchen and save 15 man-hours per shift."
As luck would have it, I dropped my spoon and he was able to replace it with his spare. "I’ll get another spoon next time I go to the kitchen instead of making an extra trip to get it right now." I was impressed.
I also noticed that there was a string hanging out of the waiter’s zip on his trousers. Looking around, I noticed that all the waiters had the same string hanging from their flies. So before he walked off, I asked the waiter, "Excuse me, but can you tell me why you have that string right there?"
"Oh, certainly!" Then he lowered his voice. "Not everyone is so observant. That consulting firm I mentioned also found out that we can save time in the rest-room. By tying this string to the tip of you know what, we can pull it out without touching it and eliminate the need to wash our hands, shortening the time spent in the rest-room by 76.39 per cent."
I asked "After you get it out, how do you put it back?"
"Well," he whispered, "I don’t know about the others, but I use the spoon."
redface:
Jimmy Tarbuck will want royalties for that... ::)
https://www.virtual-pub.com/SMF/index.php?topic=3918.msg78083#msg78083
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Steve on June 17, 2022, 11:17:10 AM
Post by: Barman on June 17, 2022, 11:35:33 AM
(https://video-man2-1.xx.fbcdn.net/v/t39.30808-6/287939791_1085792072342603_2112983705746207126_n.jpg?_nc_cat=102&ccb=1-7&_nc_sid=5cd70e&_nc_ohc=FYP2G8qNx-0AX_SNc2u&_nc_ht=video-man2-1.xx&oh=00_AT8LNbrRY0f-WvdGzDOsAFU1FGXlwYbGTxFzgZojTmgf7A&oe=62B11B99)
;D
Post by: apc2010 on June 18, 2022, 03:09:36 PM
it's a big catastrophe............ redface: redface: redface: whistle:
Post by: Just One More on June 18, 2022, 08:01:09 PM
I can't find the award I was given for making the best sculpture of a lion's bottom....... rubschin:
it's a big catastrophe............ redface: redface: redface: whistle:
facepalm:
Post by: apc2010 on June 18, 2022, 09:42:06 PM
A Korean manufacturer has just launched the worlds 1st flat pack car.......
iKia............ whistle:
Post by: Barman on June 19, 2022, 06:45:28 AM
BM>>>>>
A Korean manufacturer has just launched the worlds 1st flat pack car.......
iKia............ whistle:
;D
Post by: Steve on June 19, 2022, 10:36:53 AM
;D ;DBM>>>>>
A Korean manufacturer has just launched the worlds 1st flat pack car.......
iKia............ whistle:
;D
Post by: Grumpmeister on June 22, 2022, 07:36:00 AM
redface:
Post by: Barman on June 22, 2022, 08:07:04 AM
(https://qph.cf2.quoracdn.net/main-qimg-976e34b770a31587d113d2c20ba40a49-lq)
redface:
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Just One More on June 22, 2022, 08:29:01 AM
(https://qph.cf2.quoracdn.net/main-qimg-976e34b770a31587d113d2c20ba40a49-lq)
redface:
lol: lol: lol:
lol: lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Grumpmeister on June 22, 2022, 02:30:50 PM
redface:
Post by: Barman on June 22, 2022, 02:44:51 PM
(https://qph.cf2.quoracdn.net/main-qimg-17de1e58b599a936fe848f6f074dd171-lq)
redface:
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Steve on June 22, 2022, 06:51:51 PM
I'm sure it will come back to me.
Post by: Barman on June 23, 2022, 06:50:11 AM
I'm trying to remember a joke about a boomerang,
I'm sure it will come back to me.
;D
Post by: Barman on June 23, 2022, 09:36:48 AM
Post by: Grumpmeister on June 23, 2022, 09:42:31 AM
A lot of people don’t realise that they have Monkeypox. They are usually achimptomatic!
You might want to warn Apey.. whistle:
Post by: Grumpmeister on June 29, 2022, 11:52:14 AM
redface:
Post by: Barman on June 29, 2022, 12:11:43 PM
(https://qph.fs.quoracdn.net/main-qimg-d92ea1a551a52f1e348edbeb1fa7268c-lq)
redface:
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Grumpmeister on July 19, 2022, 03:36:47 AM
redface:
Post by: Barman on July 19, 2022, 04:25:36 AM
(https://qph.cf2.quoracdn.net/main-qimg-c9a6c63e820c8b2f755a82faf926e907-lq)
redface:
lol: lol: lol: redface:
Post by: Grumpmeister on July 20, 2022, 03:29:54 AM
redface:
Post by: Barman on July 20, 2022, 04:13:47 AM
(https://qph.cf2.quoracdn.net/main-qimg-989b958bf44455818bcafe0b17acbba5-lq)
redface:
facepalm:
Post by: Barman on July 21, 2022, 03:24:23 AM
Michael Jackson’s was made of Oak and took a week to make.
Gene Pitney’s was made in 24 hours from Balsa...
Post by: Steve on July 21, 2022, 08:04:36 AM
Elvis Presley’s coffin was made of Redwood and took 2 weeks to make.lol: lol: lol:
Michael Jackson’s was made of Oak and took a week to make.
Gene Pitney’s was made in 24 hours from Balsa...
Post by: Just One More on July 21, 2022, 05:23:44 PM
Elvis Presley’s coffin was made of Redwood and took 2 weeks to make.lol: lol: lol:
Michael Jackson’s was made of Oak and took a week to make.
Gene Pitney’s was made in 24 hours from Balsa...
lol: lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Grumpmeister on July 24, 2022, 06:43:17 AM
redface:
Post by: Barman on July 24, 2022, 07:08:18 AM
(https://qph.cf2.quoracdn.net/main-qimg-09a73b10e39a511f5896539ade59f477-lq)
redface:
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Steve on July 24, 2022, 08:45:12 AM
lol: lol: lol: lol:(https://qph.cf2.quoracdn.net/main-qimg-09a73b10e39a511f5896539ade59f477-lq)
redface:
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Grumpmeister on July 30, 2022, 04:16:59 PM
angel1
Post by: Grumpmeister on August 01, 2022, 06:08:40 PM
redface:
Post by: Barman on August 02, 2022, 12:45:32 PM
(https://scontent.flhr1-2.fna.fbcdn.net/v/t1.18169-9/11902583_1347461191949997_6945751487817813098_n.jpg?_nc_cat=101&ccb=1-7&_nc_sid=cdbe9c&_nc_ohc=nnul2aajoSAAX8WCcWn&tn=25AIMjBM-N-drtj9&_nc_ht=scontent.flhr1-2.fna&oh=00_AT9zGtygTYK6qJGaZ0pkIhFMNtgYZ0_w68rhbs6jY7g54g&oe=630C6E3E)
redface:
facepalm:
Post by: Grumpmeister on August 09, 2022, 01:57:31 PM
When I came out there was a traffic warden writing a parking ticket for being in a handicap spot.
So I went up to him and said, "Come on, mate, how about giving a guy a break?"
He ignored me and continued writing the ticket. So I called him a pencil-necked cop. He glared at me and started writing another ticket for worn tires!
So I then asked him if his psychiatrist makes him lie face down on the couch cause he's so ugly.
He finished the second ticket and put it on the windshield with the first. Then he started writing a third ticket!
This went on until he had placed 5 tickets on the windshield... the more I insulted him, the more tickets he wrote. I didn't care. My car was parked around the corner.
redface:
Post by: Barman on August 09, 2022, 02:06:35 PM
I went to Tesco today, and I was there for literally 5 minutes.
When I came out there was a traffic warden writing a parking ticket for being in a handicap spot.
So I went up to him and said, "Come on, mate, how about giving a guy a break?"
He ignored me and continued writing the ticket. So I called him a pencil-necked cop. He glared at me and started writing another ticket for worn tires!
So I then asked him if his psychiatrist makes him lie face down on the couch cause he's so ugly.
He finished the second ticket and put it on the windshield with the first. Then he started writing a third ticket!
This went on until he had placed 5 tickets on the windshield... the more I insulted him, the more tickets he wrote. I didn't care. My car was parked around the corner.
redface:
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Steve on August 09, 2022, 05:00:25 PM
A whiff of Affs but lol: lol: lol: lol:I went to Tesco today, and I was there for literally 5 minutes.
When I came out there was a traffic warden writing a parking ticket for being in a handicap spot.
So I went up to him and said, "Come on, mate, how about giving a guy a break?"
He ignored me and continued writing the ticket. So I called him a pencil-necked cop. He glared at me and started writing another ticket for worn tires!
So I then asked him if his psychiatrist makes him lie face down on the couch cause he's so ugly.
He finished the second ticket and put it on the windshield with the first. Then he started writing a third ticket!
This went on until he had placed 5 tickets on the windshield... the more I insulted him, the more tickets he wrote. I didn't care. My car was parked around the corner.
redface:
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Grumpmeister on August 19, 2022, 10:51:31 AM
They were amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny, silver walls that could move apart and then slide back together again.
The boy asked, "What is this Father?"
The father (never having seen an elevator) responded, "Son, I have never seen anything like this in my life, I don"t know what it is."
While the boy and his father were watching with amazement, a fat old lady in a wheelchair moved up to the moving walls and pressed a button. The walls opened, and the lady rolled between them into a small room.
The walls closed, and the boy and his father watched the small numbers above the walls light up sequentially.
They continued to watch until it reached the last number, and then the numbers began to light in the reverse order.
Finally, the walls opened up again and a gorgeous 24-year-old blonde stepped out.
The father, not taking his eyes off the young woman, said quietly to his son...
"Go get your Mother."
redface:
Post by: Steve on August 19, 2022, 11:38:21 AM
A fifteen-year-old Amish boy and his father were in a mall.lol:
They were amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny, silver walls that could move apart and then slide back together again.
The boy asked, "What is this Father?"
The father (never having seen an elevator) responded, "Son, I have never seen anything like this in my life, I don"t know what it is."
While the boy and his father were watching with amazement, a fat old lady in a wheelchair moved up to the moving walls and pressed a button. The walls opened, and the lady rolled between them into a small room.
The walls closed, and the boy and his father watched the small numbers above the walls light up sequentially.
They continued to watch until it reached the last number, and then the numbers began to light in the reverse order.
Finally, the walls opened up again and a gorgeous 24-year-old blonde stepped out.
The father, not taking his eyes off the young woman, said quietly to his son...
"Go get your Mother."
redface:
Post by: Barman on August 19, 2022, 12:05:48 PM
lol: lol:A fifteen-year-old Amish boy and his father were in a mall.lol:
They were amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny, silver walls that could move apart and then slide back together again.
The boy asked, "What is this Father?"
The father (never having seen an elevator) responded, "Son, I have never seen anything like this in my life, I don"t know what it is."
While the boy and his father were watching with amazement, a fat old lady in a wheelchair moved up to the moving walls and pressed a button. The walls opened, and the lady rolled between them into a small room.
The walls closed, and the boy and his father watched the small numbers above the walls light up sequentially.
They continued to watch until it reached the last number, and then the numbers began to light in the reverse order.
Finally, the walls opened up again and a gorgeous 24-year-old blonde stepped out.
The father, not taking his eyes off the young woman, said quietly to his son...
"Go get your Mother."
redface:
Post by: Just One More on August 19, 2022, 05:14:56 PM
lol: lol:A fifteen-year-old Amish boy and his father were in a mall.lol:
They were amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny, silver walls that could move apart and then slide back together again.
The boy asked, "What is this Father?"
The father (never having seen an elevator) responded, "Son, I have never seen anything like this in my life, I don"t know what it is."
While the boy and his father were watching with amazement, a fat old lady in a wheelchair moved up to the moving walls and pressed a button. The walls opened, and the lady rolled between them into a small room.
The walls closed, and the boy and his father watched the small numbers above the walls light up sequentially.
They continued to watch until it reached the last number, and then the numbers began to light in the reverse order.
Finally, the walls opened up again and a gorgeous 24-year-old blonde stepped out.
The father, not taking his eyes off the young woman, said quietly to his son...
"Go get your Mother."
redface:
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Grumpmeister on August 20, 2022, 11:38:39 AM
redface:
Post by: Barman on August 20, 2022, 12:03:02 PM
(https://qph.cf2.quoracdn.net/main-qimg-3a71d8d8a071527321eafc0bf2c9cb40-lq)
redface:
facepalm:
Post by: Grumpmeister on September 02, 2022, 09:55:36 PM
redface:
Post by: Steve on September 02, 2022, 10:16:05 PM
Still lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Grumpmeister on September 17, 2022, 04:25:50 PM
redface:
Post by: Barman on September 17, 2022, 07:25:34 PM
(https://qph.cf2.quoracdn.net/main-qimg-0e1c97cc0ef9e7cd8ae5da15c81db610-lq)
redface:
happy001
Post by: Just One More on September 28, 2022, 07:37:56 PM
My dad used to tell me, "The first rule of theatre is to always leave them wanting more".
Great bloke... Terrible anaesthetist...
Went to the caves in Cheddar Gorge over the weekend. The guide said to not break any stalactites. I accidentally cracked one off, the smell was awful and it echoed for hours.
Bought a laptop yesterday. Every time I turn it on, it plays a full video of George Michael and Andrew Ridgeley performing. That's the last time I buy a computer with a gig of Wham.
Just been to my Plastic Surgery Addicts Anonymous meeting…a lot of new faces tonight, causing many raised eyebrows about which I will remain tight lipped.
My best friend had just got married and at the ceremony I congratulated them and said that I hoped they enjoyed their honeymoon in Wales. The bride responded ‘we are going to Mexico’.
This was strange as Dave told me he was going to Bangor for a week after the wedding.
"Someone posted they had just baked some synonym buns. I replied, you mean just like the ones grammar use to make?
Did you know?
Peruvian owls hunt in pairs …. They’re Inca Hoots
Post by: Steve on September 28, 2022, 11:34:11 PM
The man who makes the giant eclairs at our local patisserie is retiring next week. There'll be some big Chouxs to fill when he goes.lol: lol: lol: and noooo:
My dad used to tell me, "The first rule of theatre is to always leave them wanting more".
Great bloke... Terrible anaesthetist...
Went to the caves in Cheddar Gorge over the weekend. The guide said to not break any stalactites. I accidentally cracked one off, the smell was awful and it echoed for hours.
Bought a laptop yesterday. Every time I turn it on, it plays a full video of George Michael and Andrew Ridgeley performing. That's the last time I buy a computer with a gig of Wham.
Just been to my Plastic Surgery Addicts Anonymous meeting…a lot of new faces tonight, causing many raised eyebrows about which I will remain tight lipped.
My best friend had just got married and at the ceremony I congratulated them and said that I hoped they enjoyed their honeymoon in Wales. The bride responded ‘we are going to Mexico’.
This was strange as Dave told me he was going to Bangor for a week after the wedding.
"Someone posted they had just baked some synonym buns. I replied, you mean just like the ones grammar use to make?
Did you know?
Peruvian owls hunt in pairs …. They’re Inca Hoots
Post by: Barman on September 29, 2022, 01:41:49 PM
The man who makes the giant eclairs at our local patisserie is retiring next week. There'll be some big Chouxs to fill when he goes.
My dad used to tell me, "The first rule of theatre is to always leave them wanting more".
Great bloke... Terrible anaesthetist...
Went to the caves in Cheddar Gorge over the weekend. The guide said to not break any stalactites. I accidentally cracked one off, the smell was awful and it echoed for hours.
Bought a laptop yesterday. Every time I turn it on, it plays a full video of George Michael and Andrew Ridgeley performing. That's the last time I buy a computer with a gig of Wham.
Just been to my Plastic Surgery Addicts Anonymous meeting…a lot of new faces tonight, causing many raised eyebrows about which I will remain tight lipped.
My best friend had just got married and at the ceremony I congratulated them and said that I hoped they enjoyed their honeymoon in Wales. The bride responded ‘we are going to Mexico’.
This was strange as Dave told me he was going to Bangor for a week after the wedding.
"Someone posted they had just baked some synonym buns. I replied, you mean just like the ones grammar use to make?
Did you know?
Peruvian owls hunt in pairs …. They’re Inca Hoots
happy001
I must be in the zone, I LOLd at every one... redface:
Post by: Just One More on October 07, 2022, 06:21:06 AM
I’m a dairy farmer and in the winter I fit my cows with tubular bells so I can find them in my cold field.
Don't forget as winter will soon be upon us and our native birds are finding food scarce, please go to the pet shop and buy a bag of nuts for our feathered friends. There is no finer sight on a winter's morning than a pair of tits around your nutbag.
Just remember however, it's a bit too late in the year to expect a swallow.
Sat on the edge of my bed last night pulling my boxers off………Bloody love those dogs
I recently joined the Glen Campbell fan club... I keep getting cards and letters from people I don't even know
45th anniversary of my grandad died today and I can still remember his very last words to me. "stop shaking my ladder you little f#%@£®¿"
I got the Grindr app mixed up with the Pizza Hut app Either way, there's a 10" vegetarian on the way and I'm not sure what to expect."
Post by: Barman on October 07, 2022, 06:35:35 AM
I got lost in the forest yesterday. fortunately I had a compass with me, I was so impressed that I could draw perfect circles whilst waiting to be rescued.
I’m a dairy farmer and in the winter I fit my cows with tubular bells so I can find them in my cold field.
Don't forget as winter will soon be upon us and our native birds are finding food scarce, please go to the pet shop and buy a bag of nuts for our feathered friends. There is no finer sight on a winter's morning than a pair of tits around your nutbag.
Just remember however, it's a bit too late in the year to expect a swallow.
Sat on the edge of my bed last night pulling my boxers off………Bloody love those dogs
I recently joined the Glen Campbell fan club... I keep getting cards and letters from people I don't even know
45th anniversary of my grandad died today and I can still remember his very last words to me. "stop shaking my ladder you little f#%@£®¿"
I got the Grindr app mixed up with the Pizza Hut app Either way, there's a 10" vegetarian on the way and I'm not sure what to expect."
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Steve on October 07, 2022, 09:30:51 AM
lol: lol: lol: lol:I got lost in the forest yesterday. fortunately I had a compass with me, I was so impressed that I could draw perfect circles whilst waiting to be rescued.
I’m a dairy farmer and in the winter I fit my cows with tubular bells so I can find them in my cold field.
Don't forget as winter will soon be upon us and our native birds are finding food scarce, please go to the pet shop and buy a bag of nuts for our feathered friends. There is no finer sight on a winter's morning than a pair of tits around your nutbag.
Just remember however, it's a bit too late in the year to expect a swallow.
Sat on the edge of my bed last night pulling my boxers off………Bloody love those dogs
I recently joined the Glen Campbell fan club... I keep getting cards and letters from people I don't even know
45th anniversary of my grandad died today and I can still remember his very last words to me. "stop shaking my ladder you little f#%@£®¿"
I got the Grindr app mixed up with the Pizza Hut app Either way, there's a 10" vegetarian on the way and I'm not sure what to expect."
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Uncle Mort on October 07, 2022, 09:47:50 AM
I recently joined the Glen Campbell fan club... I keep getting cards and letters from people I don't even know
Shrugs:
Post by: Steve on October 07, 2022, 10:05:46 AM
https://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/glencampbell/rhinestonecowboy.htmlI recently joined the Glen Campbell fan club... I keep getting cards and letters from people I don't even know
Shrugs:
Post by: Barman on October 07, 2022, 02:23:44 PM
I recently joined the Glen Campbell fan club... I keep getting cards and letters from people I don't even know
Shrugs:
I didn't get that one either... redface:
Post by: apc2010 on October 07, 2022, 05:13:11 PM
lol: lol: lol: lol:I got lost in the forest yesterday. fortunately I had a compass with me, I was so impressed that I could draw perfect circles whilst waiting to be rescued.
I’m a dairy farmer and in the winter I fit my cows with tubular bells so I can find them in my cold field.
Don't forget as winter will soon be upon us and our native birds are finding food scarce, please go to the pet shop and buy a bag of nuts for our feathered friends. There is no finer sight on a winter's morning than a pair of tits around your nutbag.
Just remember however, it's a bit too late in the year to expect a swallow.
Sat on the edge of my bed last night pulling my boxers off………Bloody love those dogs
I recently joined the Glen Campbell fan club... I keep getting cards and letters from people I don't even know
45th anniversary of my grandad died today and I can still remember his very last words to me. "stop shaking my ladder you little f#%@£®¿"
I got the Grindr app mixed up with the Pizza Hut app Either way, there's a 10" vegetarian on the way and I'm not sure what to expect."
lol: lol: lol:
;D ;D ;D ;D
Post by: Grumpmeister on October 15, 2022, 11:29:07 PM
redface:
Post by: Barman on October 16, 2022, 05:07:20 AM
(https://qph.cf2.quoracdn.net/main-qimg-d6abe7b59f353839e00591c83cc6f03e-lq)
redface:
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Uncle Mort on October 16, 2022, 08:08:43 AM
Post by: Grumpmeister on October 16, 2022, 08:38:37 AM
Post by: Uncle Mort on October 16, 2022, 01:58:28 PM
Post by: Steve on October 16, 2022, 06:46:22 PM
Shrugs:Just think 'it can't be that unfunny' and maybe you'll get it
Post by: Uncle Mort on October 17, 2022, 09:02:44 AM
Post by: Grumpmeister on October 17, 2022, 05:38:11 PM
redface:
Post by: Barman on October 17, 2022, 05:42:45 PM
A snake walks into a bar, the bartender goes "How the hell did you do that?"
redface:
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Steve on October 17, 2022, 09:52:14 PM
lol: lol: lol: lol:A snake walks into a bar, the bartender goes "How the hell did you do that?"
redface:
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Grumpmeister on October 21, 2022, 09:56:38 AM
redface:
Post by: Barman on October 21, 2022, 10:07:48 AM
(https://scontent.fbrs4-2.fna.fbcdn.net/v/t39.30808-6/301515521_10229540872608957_7507343596301471776_n.jpg?_nc_cat=105&ccb=1-7&_nc_sid=8bfeb9&_nc_ohc=iO2Pmrr4vv8AX_i20On&_nc_ht=scontent.fbrs4-2.fna&oh=00_AT-BU3PsMLJWoZgAZlzobGoGobpuOJwuct15VyLpy_j7CQ&oe=63569ABA)
redface:
facepalm:
Post by: Steve on October 21, 2022, 02:18:03 PM
doublefacepalm(https://scontent.fbrs4-2.fna.fbcdn.net/v/t39.30808-6/301515521_10229540872608957_7507343596301471776_n.jpg?_nc_cat=105&ccb=1-7&_nc_sid=8bfeb9&_nc_ohc=iO2Pmrr4vv8AX_i20On&_nc_ht=scontent.fbrs4-2.fna&oh=00_AT-BU3PsMLJWoZgAZlzobGoGobpuOJwuct15VyLpy_j7CQ&oe=63569ABA)
redface:
facepalm:
Post by: Tipsy Gipsy on October 21, 2022, 07:40:00 PM
doublefacepalm(https://scontent.fbrs4-2.fna.fbcdn.net/v/t39.30808-6/301515521_10229540872608957_7507343596301471776_n.jpg?_nc_cat=105&ccb=1-7&_nc_sid=8bfeb9&_nc_ohc=iO2Pmrr4vv8AX_i20On&_nc_ht=scontent.fbrs4-2.fna&oh=00_AT-BU3PsMLJWoZgAZlzobGoGobpuOJwuct15VyLpy_j7CQ&oe=63569ABA)
redface:
facepalm:
;D
Post by: Grumpmeister on October 22, 2022, 09:07:53 PM
Post by: Barman on October 23, 2022, 06:00:17 AM
(https://qph.cf2.quoracdn.net/main-qimg-dceab8f1e86bafd8d3afcfcf2833440b-lq)
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: apc2010 on October 31, 2022, 08:27:05 PM
That was a trip down Memory Lane.............. redface:
Post by: Steve on October 31, 2022, 08:52:37 PM
I walked down this street where the houses were numbered 64K, 128K, 512K .......lol: lol: lol:
That was a trip down Memory Lane.............. redface:
Post by: Barman on November 01, 2022, 05:38:13 AM
lol: lol: lol: lol:I walked down this street where the houses were numbered 64K, 128K, 512K .......lol: lol: lol:
That was a trip down Memory Lane.............. redface:
Post by: Just One More on November 03, 2022, 10:51:31 PM
I thought "Not a lot of people mow that."
I was checking my home contents insurance last night and was shocked to find if someone stole my duvet during the night, I wouldn't be covered!
A man walks into the library and asks "Do you have any books about coincidences?"
The librarian says, "As a matter of fact, this one's just arrived.”
I cant believe the wallpaper shop down the road has been robbed for the 5th time,The owner says he's starting to see a pattern emerging
I've got a job playing the triangle in a reggae band , I don't have much to do ,just the occasional ting.
Was at the airport earlier and someone fainted and fell onto the baggage carousel, they are coming around slowly
Just reading that there's a small island off the coast of Italy which is inhabited by 5 million Sicilian people. Five million Sicilian, That's the biggest number I've ever heard."
Went to the doctors yesterday suffering from premature ejaculation.
Doctor said. "This must be very stressful for your wife.
I said, "To be honest it's getting on her tits.
Did you know it's the National Innuendo Championship next weekend in Birmingham.
I'm thinking of entering the wife.
Germaine Greer is better at ventriloquism than her brother, Göttler.
The French ruler twanging championship is being held in the Dordogne Region.
Did you hear about the cross eyed circumciser? He got the sack
I went in to a library and asked "do you Have any books on paranoia"
The librarian replied "why do you want one", "and who told you we have them"
redface: redface: redface:
Post by: Steve on November 04, 2022, 12:42:09 AM
Post by: Barman on November 04, 2022, 03:43:21 PM
lol: lol: lol: :thumbsup:
lol: lol: lol: lol: Thumbs: Thumbs:
Post by: apc2010 on November 04, 2022, 06:43:31 PM
Post by: apc2010 on November 09, 2022, 12:19:40 AM
"Don't call me son," I said. "You're not my dad."...... evil:
He scratched his head. "No, but I brought you up, didn't I?"................
redface:
Post by: Barman on November 09, 2022, 06:00:53 AM
I got a lift to the eleventh floor, and as I got out, the operator said "Have a good day, son."....
"Don't call me son," I said. "You're not my dad."...... evil:
He scratched his head. "No, but I brought you up, didn't I?"................
redface:
facepalm:
Post by: Just One More on November 09, 2022, 06:47:30 AM
I got a lift to the eleventh floor, and as I got out, the operator said "Have a good day, son."....
"Don't call me son," I said. "You're not my dad."...... evil:
He scratched his head. "No, but I brought you up, didn't I?"................
redface:
facepalm:
doublefacepalm
Post by: Steve on November 09, 2022, 06:39:17 PM
I got a lift to the eleventh floor, and as I got out, the operator said "Have a good day, son."....lol:
"Don't call me son," I said. "You're not my dad."...... evil:
He scratched his head. "No, but I brought you up, didn't I?"................
redface:
Post by: Grumpmeister on November 12, 2022, 01:48:39 PM
redface:
Post by: Barman on November 12, 2022, 02:13:59 PM
(https://qph.cf2.quoracdn.net/main-qimg-0deaeed4997bba7026227484ef5b91c6-lq)
redface:
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Steve on November 12, 2022, 11:18:34 PM
lol: lol: lol: lol:(https://qph.cf2.quoracdn.net/main-qimg-0deaeed4997bba7026227484ef5b91c6-lq)
redface:
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Barman on November 13, 2022, 06:21:52 AM
(https://i.postimg.cc/MXtN7dFF/315242737-671536504545954-1845294619081675676-n.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/MXtN7dFF)
Post by: Just One More on November 13, 2022, 06:48:49 AM
(https://i.postimg.cc/MXtN7dFF/315242737-671536504545954-1845294619081675676-n.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/MXtN7dFF)
lol: lol:
Post by: Steve on November 13, 2022, 08:45:38 AM
lol: lol: lol:
(https://i.postimg.cc/MXtN7dFF/315242737-671536504545954-1845294619081675676-n.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/MXtN7dFF)
lol: lol:
Post by: apc2010 on November 14, 2022, 11:39:55 PM
Call it ......."Children n Knead ".......... Thumbs:
redface: redface:
Post by: Barman on November 15, 2022, 05:52:09 AM
Junior Bake-off...........
Call it ......."Children n Knead ".......... Thumbs:
redface: redface:
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Steve on November 15, 2022, 08:56:36 AM
lol: lol: lol: lol:Junior Bake-off...........
Call it ......."Children n Knead ".......... Thumbs:
redface: redface:
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Grumpmeister on November 16, 2022, 08:37:11 AM
redface:
Post by: Steve on November 16, 2022, 09:21:00 AM
(https://qph.cf2.quoracdn.net/main-qimg-3dd7c38fc143b706b9ddbfa4a0c88a82-lq)lol: lol:
redface:
Post by: Barman on November 16, 2022, 09:40:03 AM
lol: lol: lol:(https://qph.cf2.quoracdn.net/main-qimg-3dd7c38fc143b706b9ddbfa4a0c88a82-lq)lol: lol:
redface:
Post by: Barman on November 17, 2022, 02:31:04 PM
(https://i.postimg.cc/KKtyVjz0/257477372-416187263391762-2185368465407964853-n.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/KKtyVjz0)
Post by: Steve on November 17, 2022, 02:41:18 PM
lol:
(https://i.postimg.cc/KKtyVjz0/257477372-416187263391762-2185368465407964853-n.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/KKtyVjz0)
Post by: Just One More on November 17, 2022, 06:17:06 PM
lol:
(https://i.postimg.cc/KKtyVjz0/257477372-416187263391762-2185368465407964853-n.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/KKtyVjz0)
lol: lol:
Post by: Just One More on November 20, 2022, 09:27:24 AM
I told her: "Look to the future now, it's only just begun."
Post by: Uncle Mort on November 20, 2022, 09:30:15 AM
Post by: Steve on November 20, 2022, 10:39:34 AM
My Mrs is really annoyed that it's still November and she keeps hearing Slade's 'Merry Christmas Everybody' being played everywhere.lol: lol: lol:
I told her: "Look to the future now, it's only just begun."
Post by: Grumpmeister on November 23, 2022, 07:54:20 PM
redface:
Post by: Steve on November 23, 2022, 08:01:55 PM
Post by: Just One More on November 24, 2022, 05:59:09 PM
I'm writing a book about the things I "Should" be doing in my life.
It's an oughtobiography.
I wanted some fine grit sandpaper, but the store only had mixed packs.
Sometimes you have to take the rough with the smooth.
I said to my son "When you grow up, I really want you to buy a plot of land and build a shopping mall and a cinema on it."
My wife said "Will you please stop that, you'll get him developing a complex"
Post by: Barman on November 24, 2022, 06:08:17 PM
I remember the day the plastic surgeon told my sister her surgery had gone horribly wrong... I'll never forget the look on her elbow...
I'm writing a book about the things I "Should" be doing in my life.
It's an oughtobiography.
I wanted some fine grit sandpaper, but the store only had mixed packs.
Sometimes you have to take the rough with the smooth.
I said to my son "When you grow up, I really want you to buy a plot of land and build a shopping mall and a cinema on it."
My wife said "Will you please stop that, you'll get him developing a complex"
happy001
Post by: apc2010 on November 24, 2022, 06:12:38 PM
I remember the day the plastic surgeon told my sister her surgery had gone horribly wrong... I'll never forget the look on her elbow...
I'm writing a book about the things I "Should" be doing in my life.
It's an oughtobiography.
I wanted some fine grit sandpaper, but the store only had mixed packs.
Sometimes you have to take the rough with the smooth.
I said to my son "When you grow up, I really want you to buy a plot of land and build a shopping mall and a cinema on it."
My wife said "Will you please stop that, you'll get him developing a complex"
lol: lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Steve on November 25, 2022, 12:47:29 AM
lol: lol: lol: lol: lol:I remember the day the plastic surgeon told my sister her surgery had gone horribly wrong... I'll never forget the look on her elbow...
I'm writing a book about the things I "Should" be doing in my life.
It's an oughtobiography.
I wanted some fine grit sandpaper, but the store only had mixed packs.
Sometimes you have to take the rough with the smooth.
I said to my son "When you grow up, I really want you to buy a plot of land and build a shopping mall and a cinema on it."
My wife said "Will you please stop that, you'll get him developing a complex"
lol: lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Nick on November 26, 2022, 07:14:34 AM
I replied
"what part mate "
He replied
"Exeter mate, Exeter mate Exeter mate"
Post by: Barman on November 26, 2022, 07:17:22 AM
I met a Dalek who was looking for directions home, asking where he was from he replied "Devon" mate.
I replied
"what part mate "
He replied
"Exeter mate, Exeter mate Exeter mate"
lol: lol: lol: redface:
Post by: Just One More on November 26, 2022, 07:37:58 AM
I met a Dalek who was looking for directions home, asking where he was from he replied "Devon" mate.
I replied
"what part mate "
He replied
"Exeter mate, Exeter mate Exeter mate"
lol: lol: lol: redface:
lol: lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Grumpmeister on November 26, 2022, 08:21:12 AM
Post by: Barman on November 26, 2022, 09:17:00 AM
(https://qph.cf2.quoracdn.net/main-qimg-5f427fafe7eb412ebc67bc82d7896012-lq)
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Just One More on November 26, 2022, 09:38:54 AM
(https://qph.cf2.quoracdn.net/main-qimg-5f427fafe7eb412ebc67bc82d7896012-lq)
lol: lol: lol:
lol: lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Steve on November 26, 2022, 11:26:41 AM
lol: lol: lol: lol: lol:I met a Dalek who was looking for directions home, asking where he was from he replied "Devon" mate.
I replied
"what part mate "
He replied
"Exeter mate, Exeter mate Exeter mate"
lol: lol: lol: redface:
lol: lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Grumpmeister on November 27, 2022, 11:54:54 PM
redface:
Post by: Barman on November 28, 2022, 06:57:57 AM
(https://qph.cf2.quoracdn.net/main-qimg-9878f0c34d7a55777145f7d404090227-lq)
redface:
facepalm:
And also, cussing: the little bastards cost me a fortune! evil:
Post by: apc2010 on November 28, 2022, 04:07:27 PM
(https://qph.cf2.quoracdn.net/main-qimg-9878f0c34d7a55777145f7d404090227-lq)
redface:
facepalm:
And also, cussing: the little bastards cost me a fortune! evil:
rubschin: what are you feeding them...?
Post by: Barman on November 28, 2022, 04:08:46 PM
(https://qph.cf2.quoracdn.net/main-qimg-9878f0c34d7a55777145f7d404090227-lq)
redface:
facepalm:
And also, cussing: the little bastards cost me a fortune! evil:
rubschin: what are you feeding them...?
My house! evil:
Post by: Steve on November 28, 2022, 04:24:35 PM
Post by: Grumpmeister on November 28, 2022, 05:58:45 PM
(https://qph.cf2.quoracdn.net/main-qimg-9878f0c34d7a55777145f7d404090227-lq)
redface:
facepalm:
And also, cussing: the little bastards cost me a fortune! evil:
rubschin: what are you feeding them...?
My house! evil:
In the middle of your street? whistle:
Post by: Barman on November 28, 2022, 06:05:56 PM
(https://qph.cf2.quoracdn.net/main-qimg-9878f0c34d7a55777145f7d404090227-lq)
redface:
facepalm:
And also, cussing: the little bastards cost me a fortune! evil:
rubschin: what are you feeding them...?
My house! evil:
In the middle of your street? whistle:
facepalm:
Post by: Grumpmeister on December 12, 2022, 02:20:47 AM
redface:
Post by: Barman on December 12, 2022, 05:30:13 AM
(https://qph.cf2.quoracdn.net/main-qimg-a605ea6d89f913a9eb38edb370e50338-lq)
redface:
;D
Post by: apc2010 on December 15, 2022, 04:48:23 PM
There's only 2 of us on the production line....
So, I have to make every second Count.... !!.... redface:
Post by: Barman on December 15, 2022, 06:42:32 PM
I've got a job making plastic Draculas....
There's only 2 of us on the production line....
So, I have to make every second Count.... !!.... redface:
facepalm:
Post by: Steve on December 15, 2022, 07:58:36 PM
lol: lol: lol:(https://qph.cf2.quoracdn.net/main-qimg-a605ea6d89f913a9eb38edb370e50338-lq)
redface:
;D
Post by: Grumpmeister on December 16, 2022, 10:57:20 AM
redface:
Post by: Barman on December 16, 2022, 11:17:16 AM
(https://qph.cf2.quoracdn.net/main-qimg-8dd49333ab923d66ee8dbf74143b00f1-pjlq)
redface:
facepalm:
Post by: Steve on December 16, 2022, 04:55:16 PM
doublefacepalm(https://qph.cf2.quoracdn.net/main-qimg-8dd49333ab923d66ee8dbf74143b00f1-pjlq)
redface:
facepalm:
Post by: Grumpmeister on December 20, 2022, 06:21:21 AM
redface:
Post by: Grumpmeister on December 20, 2022, 04:40:20 PM
redface:
Post by: Barman on December 20, 2022, 05:31:21 PM
Post by: Grumpmeister on December 21, 2022, 03:20:36 AM
redface:
Post by: Barman on December 21, 2022, 05:37:29 AM
(https://qph.cf2.quoracdn.net/main-qimg-ab04e305a8cb206fe6a4607d6d658a89-pjlq)
redface:
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Grumpmeister on December 21, 2022, 12:20:21 PM
redface:
Post by: Barman on December 21, 2022, 02:05:57 PM
(https://qph.cf2.quoracdn.net/main-qimg-3211067a34d5a8a3cd5b09e7aae63ced-lq)
redface:
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Grumpmeister on December 28, 2022, 05:26:11 PM
redface:
Post by: Steve on December 28, 2022, 05:44:07 PM
(https://qph.cf2.quoracdn.net/main-qimg-3211067a34d5a8a3cd5b09e7aae63ced-lq)lol:
redface:
Post by: Barman on December 29, 2022, 07:32:11 AM
(https://qph.cf2.quoracdn.net/main-qimg-e8c66511450c124160f67ab9aafd5c4d-pjlq)
redface:
facepalm:
Post by: Steve on December 29, 2022, 12:22:09 PM
lol: lol: lol:(https://qph.cf2.quoracdn.net/main-qimg-e8c66511450c124160f67ab9aafd5c4d-pjlq)
redface:
facepalm:
Post by: Grumpmeister on January 02, 2023, 01:15:31 AM
redface:
Post by: Barman on January 02, 2023, 07:05:31 AM
(https://qph.cf2.quoracdn.net/main-qimg-f2ace6c38aab2336fe158e5dca8fee1f-lq)
redface:
facepalm:
Post by: Steve on January 02, 2023, 11:09:30 AM
doublefacepalm(https://qph.cf2.quoracdn.net/main-qimg-f2ace6c38aab2336fe158e5dca8fee1f-lq)
redface:
facepalm:
On another line, is it legal now to think she looks gorgeous?
Post by: Grumpmeister on January 03, 2023, 08:02:08 AM
redface:
Post by: Barman on January 03, 2023, 11:41:08 AM
(https://qph.cf2.quoracdn.net/main-qimg-554644267c987ea62fb178b135ddba80-lq)
redface:
noooo:
Post by: Grumpmeister on January 04, 2023, 11:18:25 AM
redface:
Post by: Grumpmeister on January 04, 2023, 11:25:51 AM
redface:
Post by: Grumpmeister on January 08, 2023, 03:44:15 PM
redface:
Post by: Barman on January 08, 2023, 04:06:52 PM
(https://qph.cf2.quoracdn.net/main-qimg-d00f43c077122f81dbbcc8afe087409a-lq)
redface:
drumroll:
Post by: apc2010 on January 09, 2023, 08:55:59 PM
(https://qph.cf2.quoracdn.net/main-qimg-d00f43c077122f81dbbcc8afe087409a-lq)
redface:
drumroll:
;D Thumbs:
Post by: Grumpmeister on January 14, 2023, 04:05:47 PM
redface:
Post by: Steve on January 15, 2023, 12:21:23 AM
(https://qph.cf2.quoracdn.net/main-qimg-254ae6d72970e69cb3ed535e6fcc4974-pjlq)lol:
redface:
Post by: Grumpmeister on January 15, 2023, 12:34:16 AM
Post by: Barman on January 15, 2023, 07:02:53 AM
(https://qph.cf2.quoracdn.net/main-qimg-9ab4480e83d5f7e79b1371ad6265113a-lq)
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Steve on January 15, 2023, 12:10:58 PM
lol: lol: lol: lol:(https://qph.cf2.quoracdn.net/main-qimg-9ab4480e83d5f7e79b1371ad6265113a-lq)
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Grumpmeister on January 17, 2023, 02:01:26 AM
redface:
Post by: Barman on January 17, 2023, 05:41:43 AM
(https://qph.cf2.quoracdn.net/main-qimg-35430f14ab316bc83493cf6a109ddd80-lq)
redface:
facepalm:
Post by: Barman on January 22, 2023, 10:51:04 AM
The bishop decided that he would conduct the interviews personally and went up into the belfry to begin the screening process.
After observing several applicants demonstrate their skills, he had decided to call it a day.
Just then, an armless man approached him and announced that he was there to apply for the bell ringer's job. The bishop was incredulous.
'You have no arms !'
'No matter,' said the man. 'Observe !'
And he began striking the bells with his face, producing a beautiful melody on the carillon.
The bishop listened in astonishment; convinced he had finally found a replacement for Quasimodo.
But suddenly, as he rushed forward to strike the bell, the armless man tripped and plunged headlong out of the belfry window to his death in the street below.
The stunned bishop rushed down two hundred and ninety five church steps, when he reached the street, a crowd had gathered around the fallen figure, drawn by the beautiful music they had heard only moment before.
As they silently parted to let the bishop through, one of them asked,
'Bishop, who was this man ?'..
'I don't know his name,' the bishop sadly replied,
WAIT FOR IT!!!
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
' .................... BUT HIS FACE RINGS A BELL'
WAIT ! WAIT ! There's more
The following day, despite the sadness that weighed heavily on his heart due to the unfortunate death of the armless campanologist, the bishop continued his interviews for the bell ringer of Notre Dame.
The first man to approach him said, 'Your Excellency, I am the brother of the poor armless wretch that fell to his death from this very belfry yesterday.
I pray that you honour his life by allowing me to replace him in this duty.'
The bishop agreed to give the man an audition, and, as the armless man's brother stooped to pick up a mallet to strike the first bell, he groaned, clutched at his chest, twirled around, and died on the spot.
Two monks, hearing the bishop's cries of grief at this second tragedy, rushed up the stairs to his side.
'What has happened ? Who is this man ?' the first monk asked breathlessly.
'I don't know his name,' sighed the distraught bishop, 'but....'
(. . . Wait for it .....)
'HE'S A DEAD RINGER FOR HIS BROTHER.
Post by: Steve on January 22, 2023, 11:40:58 AM
Post by: Grumpmeister on January 23, 2023, 10:37:31 AM
redface:
Post by: Grumpmeister on January 23, 2023, 10:42:38 AM
redface:
Post by: Barman on January 23, 2023, 11:38:17 AM
(https://qph.cf2.quoracdn.net/main-qimg-e4a7bf4b3c89eecd41f6e9dcad3c3123-lq)
redface:
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Steve on January 23, 2023, 03:35:34 PM
lol: lol: lol: lol:(https://qph.cf2.quoracdn.net/main-qimg-e4a7bf4b3c89eecd41f6e9dcad3c3123-lq)
redface:
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Grumpmeister on January 24, 2023, 10:44:06 PM
redface:
Post by: Barman on January 25, 2023, 06:33:50 AM
(https://qph.cf2.quoracdn.net/main-qimg-dc473dea92fdaf116ff4d8d24d38fe2d-lq)
redface:
facepalm:
Post by: Grumpmeister on January 25, 2023, 09:43:36 PM
redface:
Post by: Grumpmeister on January 25, 2023, 09:53:30 PM
redface:
Post by: Grumpmeister on January 29, 2023, 06:47:57 PM
redface:
Post by: Grumpmeister on January 30, 2023, 04:05:06 AM
redface:
Post by: Barman on January 30, 2023, 06:01:30 AM
Post by: Grumpmeister on February 03, 2023, 04:29:21 PM
redface:
Post by: Grumpmeister on February 04, 2023, 10:27:33 AM
redface:
Post by: Barman on February 04, 2023, 10:43:32 AM
Thought for the day: If Nick worked at a bakery would that make him a gingerbread man...?
redface:
drumroll:
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Barman on February 04, 2023, 03:02:50 PM
Half of us loved it, the other half hated it!
Post by: Steve on February 04, 2023, 05:17:41 PM
My dyslexic club had a day out to visit a Maritime museum.happy001
Half of us loved it, the other half hated it!
(had to read it twice)
Post by: Grumpmeister on February 05, 2023, 05:29:41 AM
redface:
Post by: Barman on February 05, 2023, 06:12:24 AM
(https://qph.cf2.quoracdn.net/main-qimg-1d9480f23ee4c809a496f87f9d0ba8e4-lq)
redface:
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Grumpmeister on February 07, 2023, 11:51:51 PM
redface:
Post by: Barman on February 08, 2023, 06:35:22 AM
(https://qph.cf2.quoracdn.net/main-qimg-4f2f1c2b097fc6930c916b5ca75d9102-pjlq)
redface:
lol: lol: lol:
So talented! cloud9:
Post by: Steve on February 08, 2023, 09:24:59 AM
lol: lol: lol: lol:(https://qph.cf2.quoracdn.net/main-qimg-4f2f1c2b097fc6930c916b5ca75d9102-pjlq)
redface:
lol: lol: lol:
So talented! cloud9:
Post by: apc2010 on February 08, 2023, 08:50:34 PM
My dyslexic club had a day out to visit a Maritime museum.happy001
Half of us loved it, the other half hated it!
(had to read it twice)
So did BM when he stole it ... evil: evil:
Post by: Barman on February 09, 2023, 05:37:15 AM
My dyslexic club had a day out to visit a Maritime museum.happy001
Half of us loved it, the other half hated it!
(had to read it twice)
So did BM when he stole it ... evil: evil:
point:
Post by: Grumpmeister on February 13, 2023, 01:44:13 PM
redface:
Post by: Barman on February 13, 2023, 02:08:44 PM
(https://qph.cf2.quoracdn.net/main-qimg-5ded6fd0cea725a6174281b7620f1934-pjlq)
redface:
facepalm:
Post by: Grumpmeister on February 14, 2023, 07:34:54 AM
Quote
A young boy enters a barber shop and the barber whispers to his customer, "This is the dumbest kid in the world. Watch while I prove it to you."
The barber puts a dollar bill in one hand and two quarters in the other, then calls the boy over and asks, "Which do you want, son?"
The boy takes the quarters and leaves.
"What did I tell you?" said the barber. "That kid never learns!"
Later, when the customer leaves, he sees the same young boy coming out of the ice cream store.
"Hey, son! May I ask you a question?" the man says.
"Yeah!" the boy replies.
"Why did you take the quarters instead of the dollar bill?"
The boy licked his cone and replied, "Because the day I take the dollar, the game is over!"
Post by: Steve on February 14, 2023, 08:09:58 AM
Young Apey.. whistle::thumbsup: lol:QuoteA young boy enters a barber shop and the barber whispers to his customer, "This is the dumbest kid in the world. Watch while I prove it to you."
The barber puts a dollar bill in one hand and two quarters in the other, then calls the boy over and asks, "Which do you want, son?"
The boy takes the quarters and leaves.
"What did I tell you?" said the barber. "That kid never learns!"
Later, when the customer leaves, he sees the same young boy coming out of the ice cream store.
"Hey, son! May I ask you a question?" the man says.
"Yeah!" the boy replies.
"Why did you take the quarters instead of the dollar bill?"
The boy licked his cone and replied, "Because the day I take the dollar, the game is over!"
Post by: Barman on February 14, 2023, 09:16:47 AM
Young Apey.. whistle:QuoteA young boy enters a barber shop and the barber whispers to his customer, "This is the dumbest kid in the world. Watch while I prove it to you."
The barber puts a dollar bill in one hand and two quarters in the other, then calls the boy over and asks, "Which do you want, son?"
The boy takes the quarters and leaves.
"What did I tell you?" said the barber. "That kid never learns!"
Later, when the customer leaves, he sees the same young boy coming out of the ice cream store.
"Hey, son! May I ask you a question?" the man says.
"Yeah!" the boy replies.
"Why did you take the quarters instead of the dollar bill?"
The boy licked his cone and replied, "Because the day I take the dollar, the game is over!"
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Grumpmeister on February 22, 2023, 06:23:36 AM
redface:
Post by: Barman on February 22, 2023, 07:36:27 AM
(https://qph.cf2.quoracdn.net/main-qimg-3366e3d2b05d4fdf163a3340b3e56202-lq)
redface:
AFFS... I posted it last time... lol:
Post by: Grumpmeister on February 22, 2023, 08:23:02 AM
(https://qph.cf2.quoracdn.net/main-qimg-3366e3d2b05d4fdf163a3340b3e56202-lq)
redface:
AFFS... I posted it last time... lol:
I know, it was time for your monthly memory check to make sure you still have some of your faculties whistle:
Post by: Uncle Mort on February 22, 2023, 06:17:57 PM
The original post had a your/you're error which was pointed out (not by me) they replied with the usual "Grammar Nazi" and stated they made the error deliberately to elicit a reaction. To my shame I didn't point out the other three grammatic errors.
Post by: Grumpmeister on March 01, 2023, 07:59:10 AM
redface:
Post by: Barman on March 01, 2023, 08:15:25 AM
(https://qph.cf2.quoracdn.net/main-qimg-70b28ef5117c112d6db528cb2c8e55ac)
redface:
facepalm:
Post by: Steve on March 01, 2023, 05:38:06 PM
(https://qph.cf2.quoracdn.net/main-qimg-70b28ef5117c112d6db528cb2c8e55ac)lol: lol: lol:
redface:
Post by: Grumpmeister on March 01, 2023, 07:54:17 PM
redface:
Post by: Barman on March 02, 2023, 05:30:06 AM
(https://qph.cf2.quoracdn.net/main-qimg-9a753be021456d716d0cf72dbde3b6ea)
redface:
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Grumpmeister on March 03, 2023, 11:56:12 AM
redface:
Post by: Grumpmeister on March 06, 2023, 06:59:45 PM
"What would you like to do first, Kim?" asked Joe.
"I want to get weighed," she said.
They ambled over to the weight guesser.
He guessed 120 pounds. She got on the scale; it read 117 and she won a prize.
Next the couple went on the ferris wheel.
When the ride was over, Joe again asked Kim what she would like to do.
"I want to get weighed," she said. Back to the weight guesser they went.
Since they had been there before, he guessed her correct weight, and Joe lost his dollar.
The couple walked around the carnival and again he asked where to next.
"I want to get weighed," she responded.
By this time, Joe figured she was really weird and took her home early, dropping her off with a handshake.
Her roommate, Laura, asked her about the blind date, "How'd it go?"
Kim responded, "Oh, Waura, it was wousy."
redface:
Post by: Steve on March 06, 2023, 07:03:48 PM
Joe took his blind date to the carnival.lol: lol: lol:
"What would you like to do first, Kim?" asked Joe.
"I want to get weighed," she said.
They ambled over to the weight guesser.
He guessed 120 pounds. She got on the scale; it read 117 and she won a prize.
Next the couple went on the ferris wheel.
When the ride was over, Joe again asked Kim what she would like to do.
"I want to get weighed," she said. Back to the weight guesser they went.
Since they had been there before, he guessed her correct weight, and Joe lost his dollar.
The couple walked around the carnival and again he asked where to next.
"I want to get weighed," she responded.
By this time, Joe figured she was really weird and took her home early, dropping her off with a handshake.
Her roommate, Laura, asked her about the blind date, "How'd it go?"
Kim responded, "Oh, Waura, it was wousy."
redface:
Post by: Barman on March 06, 2023, 07:22:50 PM
lol: lol: lol: lol:Joe took his blind date to the carnival.lol: lol: lol:
"What would you like to do first, Kim?" asked Joe.
"I want to get weighed," she said.
They ambled over to the weight guesser.
He guessed 120 pounds. She got on the scale; it read 117 and she won a prize.
Next the couple went on the ferris wheel.
When the ride was over, Joe again asked Kim what she would like to do.
"I want to get weighed," she said. Back to the weight guesser they went.
Since they had been there before, he guessed her correct weight, and Joe lost his dollar.
The couple walked around the carnival and again he asked where to next.
"I want to get weighed," she responded.
By this time, Joe figured she was really weird and took her home early, dropping her off with a handshake.
Her roommate, Laura, asked her about the blind date, "How'd it go?"
Kim responded, "Oh, Waura, it was wousy."
redface:
Post by: apc2010 on March 27, 2023, 08:38:36 PM
I`m a Sioux chef ....... redface:
Post by: Steve on March 27, 2023, 09:16:58 PM
I got a job in an Indian restaurant.....facepalm:
I`m a Sioux chef ....... redface:
Post by: apc2010 on March 28, 2023, 04:51:42 PM
He said .."thank you " ...
I said ..."dont mention it " ..............
Post by: Steve on March 28, 2023, 11:21:19 PM
I bought my mate an elephant for his room ...lol: lol: lol:
He said .."thank you " ...
I said ..."dont mention it " ..............
Post by: Barman on March 29, 2023, 06:42:22 AM
lol: lol: lol: lol:I bought my mate an elephant for his room ...lol: lol: lol:
He said .."thank you " ...
I said ..."dont mention it " ..............
Post by: Grumpmeister on April 04, 2023, 09:07:29 AM
redface:
Post by: Barman on April 04, 2023, 09:22:10 AM
(https://qph.cf2.quoracdn.net/main-qimg-3a87438957138ae0b168fb5d8413974e)
redface:
facepalm:
Post by: Steve on April 04, 2023, 10:28:52 AM
lol:(https://qph.cf2.quoracdn.net/main-qimg-3a87438957138ae0b168fb5d8413974e)
redface:
facepalm:
Post by: Grumpmeister on April 05, 2023, 10:45:02 PM
redface:
Post by: Barman on April 06, 2023, 06:23:05 AM
(https://qph.cf2.quoracdn.net/main-qimg-3b50fa7fdacb9d6a595e3e4c31298af9)
redface:
facepalm:
Post by: Grumpmeister on April 10, 2023, 09:41:23 PM
redface:
Post by: Barman on April 11, 2023, 06:06:14 AM
(https://qph.cf2.quoracdn.net/main-qimg-17495e572a6ad32d803b04e43cf693fe)
redface:
facepalm:
Post by: Grumpmeister on April 12, 2023, 07:16:44 AM
redface:
Post by: Barman on April 12, 2023, 07:21:29 AM
(https://qph.cf2.quoracdn.net/main-qimg-f8686bba87766e16c34693777d549134)
redface:
facepalm:
Post by: Grumpmeister on April 17, 2023, 08:33:42 AM
redface:
Post by: Barman on April 17, 2023, 08:35:58 AM
(https://qph.cf2.quoracdn.net/main-qimg-02c90cd6a6a927a912497ea67890d3a3)
redface:
facepalm:
Post by: Steve on April 17, 2023, 09:36:13 AM
doublefacepalm(https://qph.cf2.quoracdn.net/main-qimg-02c90cd6a6a927a912497ea67890d3a3)
redface:
facepalm:
Post by: Grumpmeister on April 17, 2023, 08:10:04 PM
Post by: Steve on April 17, 2023, 09:11:44 PM
(https://qph.cf2.quoracdn.net/main-qimg-f524983d9145947055a47cca3a629a7d)lol:
Post by: Barman on April 18, 2023, 07:50:14 AM
lol: lol:(https://qph.cf2.quoracdn.net/main-qimg-f524983d9145947055a47cca3a629a7d)lol:
Post by: Steve on April 20, 2023, 10:07:41 AM
I thought what a couple of Idiots, I mean come on, it's not like she would have to reverse it!
scared:
Post by: Barman on April 20, 2023, 10:58:03 AM
I heard two blokes in the pub yesterday talking about how they wouldn't get on a plane if the pilot was a Female.
I thought what a couple of Idiots, I mean come on, it's not like she would have to reverse it!
scared:
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Grumpmeister on April 20, 2023, 02:44:35 PM
redface:
Post by: Steve on April 20, 2023, 02:50:46 PM
I saw an advert for a telepathically controlled air freshener the other day. Seemed strange at first but it made scents when I thought about it.lol:
redface:
Post by: Barman on April 20, 2023, 02:56:01 PM
lol: lol:I saw an advert for a telepathically controlled air freshener the other day. Seemed strange at first but it made scents when I thought about it.lol:
redface:
Post by: Steve on April 26, 2023, 03:02:40 PM
Not even when they park the car...
scared:
Post by: apc2010 on April 26, 2023, 03:09:14 PM
Women are the most positive human beings, they never look back.
Not even when they park the car...
scared:
;D Thumbs:
Post by: Barman on April 26, 2023, 04:33:19 PM
Women are the most positive human beings, they never look back.
Not even when they park the car...
scared:
happy001
Post by: Grumpmeister on May 01, 2023, 11:44:57 PM
redface:
Post by: Barman on May 02, 2023, 07:16:00 AM
(https://qph.cf2.quoracdn.net/main-qimg-200dd27d57d6249c5588e79e82a18476)
redface:
AFFS!
Post by: Grumpmeister on May 04, 2023, 01:37:08 AM
Post by: Steve on May 04, 2023, 06:59:01 PM
The waiting room was filled with patients..
As he approached the receptionist's desk, he noticed that the receptionist was a large unfriendly woman who looked like a Sumo wrestler.
He gave her his name. ... In a very loud voice, the receptionist said,
"YES, I HAVE YOUR NAME HERE;
YOU WANT TO SEE THE DOCTOR ABOUT IMPOTENCE, RIGHT?"
All the patients in the waiting room snapped their heads around to look at the very embarrassed man.
He recovered quickly, and in an equally loud voice replied,
'NO, I'VE COME TO INQUIRE ABOUT A SEX CHANGE OPERATION,
BUT I DON'T WANT THE SAME DOCTOR THAT DID YOURS.'
Post by: Grumpmeister on May 11, 2023, 01:45:22 AM
redface:
Post by: Barman on May 11, 2023, 05:08:14 AM
(https://qph.cf2.quoracdn.net/main-qimg-cab0446086a0b5a86f4f6b64cd8cd807)
redface:
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: apc2010 on May 14, 2023, 07:54:57 PM
I didn't know they could sow ..!!! let alone use a machine...... whistle:
Post by: Steve on May 14, 2023, 07:56:49 PM
Amazing , just seen one of my cats run up some curtains...!!...lol: lol: lol:
I didn't know they could sow ..!!! let alone use a machine...... whistle:
Post by: Barman on May 15, 2023, 07:38:59 AM
Amazing , just seen one of my cats run up some curtains...!!...
I didn't know they could sow ..!!! let alone use a machine...... whistle:
drumroll:
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Grumpmeister on May 15, 2023, 11:25:18 PM
redface:
Post by: Barman on May 16, 2023, 04:45:43 AM
(https://qph.cf2.quoracdn.net/main-qimg-715f1f05660b1c9143b3bed564cc9af9)
redface:
facepalm:
Post by: Grumpmeister on May 16, 2023, 08:43:03 AM
redface:
Post by: Barman on May 16, 2023, 09:48:41 AM
(https://qph.cf2.quoracdn.net/main-qimg-c869eea59008886e1fb86050f69ac562)
redface:
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Steve on May 16, 2023, 10:58:46 AM
lol: lol: lol: lol:(https://qph.cf2.quoracdn.net/main-qimg-c869eea59008886e1fb86050f69ac562)
redface:
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Grumpmeister on May 21, 2023, 02:33:58 AM
redface:
Post by: Barman on May 21, 2023, 08:53:07 AM
(https://qph.cf2.quoracdn.net/main-qimg-abd5e62165f6c70f40d5554ec3b0aea8)
redface:
lol: lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Grumpmeister on May 22, 2023, 08:53:53 PM
redface:
Post by: Grumpmeister on May 23, 2023, 12:03:29 PM
redface:
Post by: Barman on May 23, 2023, 12:06:31 PM
(https://qph.cf2.quoracdn.net/main-qimg-b227276cde1df1106c0edee086af1eac)
redface:
;D
Post by: Grumpmeister on May 23, 2023, 12:07:31 PM
(https://qph.cf2.quoracdn.net/main-qimg-5bf6608717d4938c0b3284de6228c60c)
Post by: Steve on May 23, 2023, 12:13:18 PM
lol: lol: lol:
(https://qph.cf2.quoracdn.net/main-qimg-5bf6608717d4938c0b3284de6228c60c)
Post by: Barman on May 23, 2023, 01:03:28 PM
lol: lol: lol: lol: evil:lol: lol: lol:
(https://qph.cf2.quoracdn.net/main-qimg-5bf6608717d4938c0b3284de6228c60c)
Post by: Nick on May 24, 2023, 11:59:21 AM
(https://i.postimg.cc/G9DLxjs2/img-1-1684911012933.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/G9DLxjs2)
Post by: Barman on May 24, 2023, 12:27:12 PM
(https://i.postimg.cc/G9DLxjs2/img-1-1684911012933.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/G9DLxjs2)
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Steve on May 24, 2023, 04:52:28 PM
lol: lol: lol: lol:
(https://i.postimg.cc/G9DLxjs2/img-1-1684911012933.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/G9DLxjs2)
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Grumpmeister on May 27, 2023, 08:33:53 AM
redface:
Post by: Barman on May 27, 2023, 08:36:27 AM
(https://qph.cf2.quoracdn.net/main-qimg-c4579870d3c6b21c0e72d8e8714d1bca)
redface:
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Grumpmeister on May 31, 2023, 12:52:12 AM
(https://i.pinimg.com/236x/5b/fa/69/5bfa69f48635925fb2beba0e4a4c850e.jpg)
redface:
Post by: Barman on May 31, 2023, 11:10:09 AM
(https://i.pinimg.com/236x/26/ed/bd/26edbd3bed028e8df2e213b45904df7f.jpg)
(https://i.pinimg.com/236x/5b/fa/69/5bfa69f48635925fb2beba0e4a4c850e.jpg)
redface:
evil:
Post by: Grumpmeister on June 02, 2023, 05:39:25 PM
redface:
Post by: Barman on June 03, 2023, 05:14:01 AM
(https://qph.cf2.quoracdn.net/main-qimg-e273323baaf30b24aaaf33f5775d947d)
redface:
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Grumpmeister on June 03, 2023, 09:18:10 AM
redface:
Post by: Barman on June 03, 2023, 10:35:38 AM
(https://media.licdn.com/dms/image/C5612AQGLxSRuDbvJJg/article-inline_image-shrink_1000_1488/0/1573074707701?e=1690416000&v=beta&t=qqGh11DrPz40vc54BEEdj92dvV7zIui5KEuyXujwgIM)
redface:
facepalm:
Post by: Grumpmeister on June 04, 2023, 11:35:20 PM
redface:
Post by: Barman on June 05, 2023, 06:22:34 AM
(https://qph.cf2.quoracdn.net/main-qimg-6418aded9aa0b96fc9623555b770b3e8)
redface:
;D
Post by: Steve on June 05, 2023, 09:59:27 AM
;D ;D(https://qph.cf2.quoracdn.net/main-qimg-6418aded9aa0b96fc9623555b770b3e8)
redface:
;D
Post by: Grumpmeister on June 06, 2023, 02:16:23 PM
Post by: Barman on June 06, 2023, 02:17:52 PM
(https://qph.cf2.quoracdn.net/main-qimg-6e716f025086d2f616a15529d940fea7)
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Grumpmeister on June 10, 2023, 11:31:14 PM
redface:
Post by: Barman on June 11, 2023, 06:58:33 AM
(https://qph.cf2.quoracdn.net/main-qimg-3b56c8237c22e846a1a125ee20971740)
redface:
facepalm:
Post by: Steve on June 11, 2023, 11:21:20 AM
doublefacepalm(https://qph.cf2.quoracdn.net/main-qimg-3b56c8237c22e846a1a125ee20971740)
redface:
facepalm:
Post by: Grumpmeister on June 13, 2023, 07:41:54 PM
redface:
Post by: Barman on June 14, 2023, 05:34:50 AM
(https://qph.cf2.quoracdn.net/main-qimg-187263c3b86ecac7a2ce90c70619a080-lq)
redface:
Just no... noooo:
Post by: Nick on June 16, 2023, 06:11:56 PM
(https://i.postimg.cc/kV8LS3f9/img-1-1686896265971.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/kV8LS3f9)
Post by: Steve on June 16, 2023, 07:55:25 PM
lol: lol: lol:
(https://i.postimg.cc/kV8LS3f9/img-1-1686896265971.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/kV8LS3f9)
Post by: Grumpmeister on June 17, 2023, 12:18:39 AM
redface:
Post by: Barman on June 17, 2023, 06:37:26 AM
lol: lol: lol: lol:lol: lol: lol:
(https://i.postimg.cc/kV8LS3f9/img-1-1686896265971.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/kV8LS3f9)
Post by: Grumpmeister on June 17, 2023, 08:04:20 AM
redface:
Post by: Barman on June 17, 2023, 08:07:08 AM
(https://qph.cf2.quoracdn.net/main-qimg-6454de587b6b4a3c8059a44a3736d1d9)
redface:
facepalm:
Post by: Grumpmeister on June 19, 2023, 12:38:13 PM
redface:
Post by: Barman on June 19, 2023, 01:43:43 PM
(https://qph.cf2.quoracdn.net/main-qimg-1127bb836b0ad602770516b5ada8a114)
redface:
AAFS! ::)
Post by: Steve on June 20, 2023, 10:15:17 AM
Post by: Grumpmeister on June 21, 2023, 08:00:00 PM
redface:
Post by: Barman on June 22, 2023, 04:23:59 AM
(https://qph.cf2.quoracdn.net/main-qimg-96e33b4383db36623587cb869aeac895)
redface:
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Nick on June 26, 2023, 04:43:13 PM
(https://i.postimg.cc/hzGH5tcv/img-2-1687792110456.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/hzGH5tcv)
Post by: apc2010 on June 26, 2023, 09:45:42 PM
(https://i.postimg.cc/hzGH5tcv/img-2-1687792110456.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/hzGH5tcv)
noooo:
Post by: Barman on June 27, 2023, 06:46:04 AM
(https://i.postimg.cc/hzGH5tcv/img-2-1687792110456.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/hzGH5tcv)
facepalm:
Post by: Grumpmeister on June 30, 2023, 11:15:52 AM
redface:
Post by: Barman on June 30, 2023, 12:04:06 PM
(https://qph.cf2.quoracdn.net/main-qimg-95901804c61a8773c7d388064cf38e73)
redface:
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Grumpmeister on July 02, 2023, 02:10:53 AM
redface:
Post by: Barman on July 02, 2023, 06:02:30 AM
(https://qph.cf2.quoracdn.net/main-qimg-168f2519181bec387d916db2c3c17896)
redface:
happy001
Post by: Steve on July 02, 2023, 10:06:00 AM
lol: lol: lol:(https://qph.cf2.quoracdn.net/main-qimg-168f2519181bec387d916db2c3c17896)
redface:
happy001
Post by: Grumpmeister on July 05, 2023, 11:51:19 AM
Post by: Barman on July 05, 2023, 12:33:39 PM
(https://qph.cf2.quoracdn.net/main-qimg-7670fbace2572afdea60f48c4626ec51)
doh:
Post by: Steve on July 05, 2023, 09:14:11 PM
Post by: Grumpmeister on July 11, 2023, 11:37:20 AM
redface:
Post by: Grumpmeister on July 19, 2023, 09:52:25 PM
whistle:
Post by: Grumpmeister on July 26, 2023, 07:59:34 AM
redface:
Post by: Barman on July 26, 2023, 09:58:35 AM
(https://qph.cf2.quoracdn.net/main-qimg-5737fee456439e648f4491b2ab508ca9)
redface:
My joke! cussing:
https://www.virtual-pub.com/SMF/index.php?topic=3880.msg505248#msg505248
Post by: Grumpmeister on July 26, 2023, 11:41:24 AM
(https://qph.cf2.quoracdn.net/main-qimg-5737fee456439e648f4491b2ab508ca9)
redface:
My joke! cussing:
https://www.virtual-pub.com/SMF/index.php?topic=3880.msg505248#msg505248
Well you seem to have passed your weekly old age memory test.. whistle:
Post by: Steve on July 26, 2023, 11:45:55 AM
And you're proud of that? Shocked:(https://qph.cf2.quoracdn.net/main-qimg-5737fee456439e648f4491b2ab508ca9)
redface:
My joke! cussing:
https://www.virtual-pub.com/SMF/index.php?topic=3880.msg505248#msg505248
Post by: Grumpmeister on July 26, 2023, 04:30:19 PM
redface:
Post by: Grumpmeister on July 29, 2023, 05:43:42 PM
redface:
Post by: Grumpmeister on August 03, 2023, 09:41:39 AM
redface:
Post by: Steve on August 03, 2023, 12:08:42 PM
(https://qph.cf2.quoracdn.net/main-qimg-a792f0ec99df28bb3dfb4425145652f8);D
redface:
Post by: Grumpmeister on August 04, 2023, 03:52:12 PM
redface:
Post by: Grumpmeister on August 19, 2023, 11:10:31 PM
redface:
Post by: Barman on August 20, 2023, 07:14:47 AM
(https://qph.cf2.quoracdn.net/main-qimg-3523079814fb28fecc141ffd7658b7f4)
redface:
facepalm:
Post by: Grumpmeister on August 23, 2023, 11:49:45 PM
redface:
Post by: Barman on August 24, 2023, 04:47:04 AM
(https://qph.cf2.quoracdn.net/main-qimg-7b74fa1f868595df713fd6defd6c1db0)
redface:
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Grumpmeister on August 27, 2023, 01:01:51 AM
redface:
Post by: Barman on August 27, 2023, 05:54:26 AM
(https://qph.cf2.quoracdn.net/main-qimg-855bac82aba08cf913d01d10e1c6b47d)
redface:
facepalm:
Post by: Steve on August 27, 2023, 09:56:16 AM
eeek: lol: lol: lol:(https://qph.cf2.quoracdn.net/main-qimg-7b74fa1f868595df713fd6defd6c1db0)
redface:
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Grumpmeister on August 28, 2023, 01:45:23 PM
redface:
Post by: Steve on August 28, 2023, 02:20:14 PM
(https://qph.cf2.quoracdn.net/main-qimg-fda9894d558fd4dee39ebe5866e2297d)lol: lol: lol:
redface:
Post by: Barman on August 28, 2023, 03:19:56 PM
lol: lol: lol: lol:(https://qph.cf2.quoracdn.net/main-qimg-fda9894d558fd4dee39ebe5866e2297d)lol: lol: lol:
redface:
Post by: Grumpmeister on August 29, 2023, 11:41:53 PM
redface:
Post by: Barman on August 30, 2023, 04:49:47 AM
(https://qph.cf2.quoracdn.net/main-qimg-ad0f1764cb0de7a92d9bea1ef11bbc24)
redface:
facepalm:
Post by: Grumpmeister on September 02, 2023, 11:45:12 PM
(https://scontent.fbrs4-2.fna.fbcdn.net/v/t1.6435-9/89389824_829742730877138_5948593661318004736_n.jpg?_nc_cat=102&ccb=1-7&_nc_sid=8bfeb9&_nc_ohc=gKhsvt7YyUsAX89aCzG&_nc_ht=scontent.fbrs4-2.fna&oh=00_AfDQqNM2awzCBxyYG82-iHB5Wmu69nMXdp7F7c330bgMXQ&oe=651B42FB)
redface:
Post by: Barman on September 03, 2023, 07:15:28 AM
An old one but..
(https://scontent.fbrs4-2.fna.fbcdn.net/v/t1.6435-9/89389824_829742730877138_5948593661318004736_n.jpg?_nc_cat=102&ccb=1-7&_nc_sid=8bfeb9&_nc_ohc=gKhsvt7YyUsAX89aCzG&_nc_ht=scontent.fbrs4-2.fna&oh=00_AfDQqNM2awzCBxyYG82-iHB5Wmu69nMXdp7F7c330bgMXQ&oe=651B42FB)
redface:
facepalm:
Post by: Grumpmeister on September 05, 2023, 06:20:58 AM
Post by: Steve on September 05, 2023, 09:19:56 AM
(https://qph.cf2.quoracdn.net/main-qimg-5d34cd6bbc175b16227138d0e7a95fed)lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Barman on September 05, 2023, 10:28:22 AM
lol: lol: lol: lol:(https://qph.cf2.quoracdn.net/main-qimg-5d34cd6bbc175b16227138d0e7a95fed)lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Grumpmeister on October 04, 2023, 12:55:09 PM
redface:
Post by: Barman on October 04, 2023, 01:02:04 PM
(https://qph.cf2.quoracdn.net/main-qimg-8df7b5da83268a877e749be21255c4f3)
redface:
facepalm:
Post by: Steve on October 04, 2023, 07:32:51 PM
(https://qph.cf2.quoracdn.net/main-qimg-8df7b5da83268a877e749be21255c4f3)lol: lol: lol:
redface:
Post by: Grumpmeister on October 11, 2023, 11:31:37 PM
redface:
Post by: Barman on October 12, 2023, 07:26:38 AM
(https://qph.cf2.quoracdn.net/main-qimg-ebb31e82954688b77bfa9fc6cef3b67f)
redface:
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Steve on October 12, 2023, 09:27:32 AM
lol: lol: lol: lol:(https://qph.cf2.quoracdn.net/main-qimg-ebb31e82954688b77bfa9fc6cef3b67f)
redface:
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Grumpmeister on October 25, 2023, 01:30:25 PM
redface:
Post by: Barman on October 25, 2023, 03:26:40 PM
(https://qph.cf2.quoracdn.net/main-qimg-9f5e8192311e8918dc9bc0c546c8696e)
redface:
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Steve on October 25, 2023, 03:44:23 PM
Post by: Grumpmeister on November 01, 2023, 02:27:05 AM
redface:
Post by: Barman on November 01, 2023, 06:26:32 AM
(https://qph.cf2.quoracdn.net/main-qimg-4f8dd92b710ad53d4c6c787943f6f512)
redface:
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Grumpmeister on November 11, 2023, 11:14:29 PM
redface:
Post by: Barman on November 12, 2023, 09:10:01 AM
(https://qph.cf2.quoracdn.net/main-qimg-51c35923dbcf81e75ba82547dd259e5f)
redface:
facepalm:
Post by: Grumpmeister on November 15, 2023, 12:51:13 AM
redface:
Post by: Barman on November 15, 2023, 07:16:31 AM
(https://qph.cf2.quoracdn.net/main-qimg-bde831ddee887f6211603de906922338)
redface:
facepalm:
Post by: Grumpmeister on November 18, 2023, 12:25:29 AM
redface:
Post by: Barman on November 18, 2023, 08:38:37 AM
(https://qph.cf2.quoracdn.net/main-qimg-036ebd9e8901c10ebaab2878014b5d39)
redface:
lol: lol: lol: sick2:
Post by: Grumpmeister on November 19, 2023, 01:24:21 PM
(https://qph.cf2.quoracdn.net/main-qimg-39e03fea0aa7081b564ffc5eae753077)
redface:
Post by: Grumpmeister on November 20, 2023, 06:34:48 PM
redface:
Post by: Grumpmeister on November 25, 2023, 12:58:31 AM
redface:
Post by: Grumpmeister on November 25, 2023, 01:06:28 AM
(https://qph.cf2.quoracdn.net/main-qimg-ace32024c223aab3be1d546648c18fe1)
redface:
Post by: Grumpmeister on November 25, 2023, 10:10:24 AM
redface:
Post by: Barman on November 25, 2023, 11:36:00 AM
(https://qph.cf2.quoracdn.net/main-qimg-caa78f84fb8446ac4dabf4adc3612266)
redface:
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Barman on November 25, 2023, 11:36:33 AM
This reminded me of someone but I can't think who... whistle:
(https://qph.cf2.quoracdn.net/main-qimg-ace32024c223aab3be1d546648c18fe1)
redface:
lol: lol: lol: evil:
Post by: Steve on November 25, 2023, 12:21:52 PM
(https://qph.cf2.quoracdn.net/main-qimg-e395fcf9be4c8ec12d3826517bcdc7c2)lol:
redface:
Post by: Grumpmeister on November 25, 2023, 05:19:55 PM
redface:
Post by: Grumpmeister on December 01, 2023, 12:09:43 AM
Post by: Barman on December 01, 2023, 07:33:33 AM
(https://qph.cf2.quoracdn.net/main-qimg-fedc4b283982ecb4b63b9b3806acc925)
redface:
Affety-AFFS!
Post by: Barman on December 01, 2023, 07:33:55 AM
I decided to kill off some of the characters in the book I'm writing.................should make my autobiography a bit more interesting.. eveilgrin:
eveilgrin:
Post by: Grumpmeister on December 05, 2023, 06:45:35 PM
redface:
Post by: Barman on December 06, 2023, 12:05:13 PM
(https://qph.cf2.quoracdn.net/main-qimg-e93cd5030786adebcda2d0bd5ca5c2f1)
redface:
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Grumpmeister on December 11, 2023, 03:10:24 PM
redface:
Post by: Grumpmeister on December 11, 2023, 06:01:39 PM
redface:
Post by: Grumpmeister on December 19, 2023, 12:35:30 AM
redface:
Post by: Steve on December 19, 2023, 08:46:53 AM
(https://qph.cf2.quoracdn.net/main-qimg-733d13dc129f40002315dc2419cea8b4)lol: lol: lol:
redface:
Post by: Barman on December 19, 2023, 09:36:39 AM
lol: lol: lol: lol:(https://qph.cf2.quoracdn.net/main-qimg-733d13dc129f40002315dc2419cea8b4)lol: lol: lol:
redface:
Post by: Grumpmeister on December 24, 2023, 01:38:23 PM
redface:
Post by: Barman on December 24, 2023, 02:41:03 PM
(https://qph.cf2.quoracdn.net/main-qimg-e6db48552a23c3e7e83477117d60bf87)
redface:
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Steve on December 24, 2023, 04:34:26 PM
lol: lol: lol: lol:(https://qph.cf2.quoracdn.net/main-qimg-e6db48552a23c3e7e83477117d60bf87)
redface:
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Grumpmeister on December 29, 2023, 12:48:01 PM
redface:
Post by: Barman on December 29, 2023, 12:48:58 PM
(https://qph.cf2.quoracdn.net/main-qimg-5f694742810dd5fa123f68de70b99d1f)
redface:
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Steve on December 29, 2023, 01:41:19 PM
lol: lol: lol: lol:(https://qph.cf2.quoracdn.net/main-qimg-5f694742810dd5fa123f68de70b99d1f)
redface:
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Grumpmeister on January 06, 2024, 03:16:17 PM
redface:
Post by: Barman on January 06, 2024, 04:04:22 PM
(https://qph.cf2.quoracdn.net/main-qimg-b34c8335c880a6c79bfe7c519b7badb4)
redface:
LOL! lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Steve on January 06, 2024, 05:02:24 PM
Post by: Grumpmeister on January 06, 2024, 11:52:24 PM
redface:
Post by: Barman on January 07, 2024, 09:10:52 AM
(https://qph.cf2.quoracdn.net/main-qimg-dd8e66f79cad413789b64f29c3a3aa7d)
redface:
facepalm:
Post by: Grumpmeister on January 08, 2024, 12:08:05 AM
redface:
Post by: Steve on January 08, 2024, 02:23:56 AM
(https://qph.cf2.quoracdn.net/main-qimg-decfaab27e173070eb7e276e8c8fdb69-lq)lol:
redface:
Post by: Barman on January 08, 2024, 08:33:17 AM
(https://qph.cf2.quoracdn.net/main-qimg-decfaab27e173070eb7e276e8c8fdb69-lq)
redface:
happy001
Post by: Grumpmeister on January 26, 2024, 12:47:14 AM
redface:
Post by: Grumpmeister on February 01, 2024, 10:18:44 AM
redface:
Post by: Grumpmeister on February 03, 2024, 04:43:38 AM
redface:
Post by: Grumpmeister on February 04, 2024, 06:10:17 AM
whistle:
Post by: Barman on February 06, 2024, 07:01:38 AM
She'll be sorry when she finds out I've just won the Nigerian Lottery.
Post by: Steve on February 06, 2024, 10:41:21 AM
My wife thinks I'm the most gullible person in the country.lol: lol: lol:
She'll be sorry when she finds out I've just won the Nigerian Lottery.
Post by: Grumpmeister on February 11, 2024, 02:17:39 AM
redface: redface:
Post by: Barman on February 11, 2024, 06:31:06 AM
(https://qph.cf2.quoracdn.net/main-qimg-97edc7d8fbc1eb15f92f1fa122c9921f)
redface: redface:
facepalm: noooo:
Post by: Steve on February 11, 2024, 09:06:46 AM
Post by: Uncle Mort on February 11, 2024, 09:34:33 AM
Post by: Grumpmeister on February 11, 2024, 12:40:52 PM
redface:
Post by: Barman on February 11, 2024, 12:45:27 PM
(https://qph.cf2.quoracdn.net/main-qimg-cf25c7ac2c1a315e67deca5eeb6b94dc)
redface:
facepalm:
Post by: Grumpmeister on February 13, 2024, 04:23:58 AM
redface:
Post by: Barman on February 13, 2024, 08:23:03 AM
(https://qph.cf2.quoracdn.net/main-qimg-a34caddee0e59a8510499a61a1f4ae87)
redface:
facepalm:
Post by: Grumpmeister on February 18, 2024, 02:54:29 PM
redface:
Post by: Grumpmeister on February 22, 2024, 12:46:38 AM
redface:
Post by: Barman on February 22, 2024, 07:21:22 AM
(https://qph.cf2.quoracdn.net/main-qimg-464604c623127f98fa5688fcb6a2bee4)
redface:
facepalm:
Post by: Grumpmeister on February 24, 2024, 06:57:28 AM
redface:
Post by: Barman on February 24, 2024, 08:14:54 AM
(https://qph.cf2.quoracdn.net/main-qimg-485ce88592d7a9f5eb97b5f48a29a49c)
redface:
facepalm:
Post by: Grumpmeister on February 24, 2024, 11:33:50 PM
redface:
Post by: Barman on February 25, 2024, 07:52:38 AM
(https://qph.cf2.quoracdn.net/main-qimg-4b6b8406d1b0338b6ae92212d94b6981)
redface:
How many Xmas crackers were in that box...? facepalm:
Post by: Grumpmeister on February 26, 2024, 03:34:06 AM
(https://qph.cf2.quoracdn.net/main-qimg-4b6b8406d1b0338b6ae92212d94b6981)
redface:
How many Xmas crackers were in that box...? facepalm:
Quora seems to have an infinite supply of jokes to make you smile BM.. eveilgrin:
Speaking of which...
(https://qph.cf2.quoracdn.net/main-qimg-3ba6ab237cb0d72056911948c0120032)
whistle:
Post by: apc2010 on February 27, 2024, 02:04:17 PM
Post by: Grumpmeister on February 28, 2024, 12:21:28 PM
(https://qph.cf2.quoracdn.net/main-qimg-4b6b8406d1b0338b6ae92212d94b6981)
redface:
How many Xmas crackers were in that box...? facepalm:
(https://qph.cf2.quoracdn.net/main-qimg-1999a0ab3f080218d844f5c5724c0145)
whistle:
Post by: Grumpmeister on February 29, 2024, 09:19:32 AM
redface:
Post by: apc2010 on March 08, 2024, 10:48:11 PM
“Anagrams!”….
“What-ho! Wet, new mend?”…
“Own!”……..!….
Post by: Steve on March 09, 2024, 08:48:16 AM
Post by: Barman on March 09, 2024, 11:33:54 AM
What do we want?”…
“Anagrams!”….
“What-ho! Wet, new mend?”…
“Own!”……..!….
lol: lol: lol:
Post by: Grumpmeister on March 13, 2024, 02:44:28 PM
Post by: Barman on March 13, 2024, 03:26:49 PM
(https://qph.cf2.quoracdn.net/main-qimg-f29690bc7863b0b7c8293b8f9754e6a8)
facepalm:
Post by: Steve on March 13, 2024, 03:32:58 PM
doublefacepalm(https://qph.cf2.quoracdn.net/main-qimg-f29690bc7863b0b7c8293b8f9754e6a8)
facepalm: