Fresh from the Inbox

[Nick]

[Barman]

 

[Darwins Selection]

 

[Steve]

 

[Steve]

SIAMESE TWINS


Siamese twins walk into a bar in Australia and park themselves on a bar stool.

One of them says to the bartender, "Don't mind us; we're joined at the hip. I'm John, he's Jim. Two Fosters beers, draft, please."

The bartender, feeling slightly awkward, tries to make polite conversation while pouring the beers. "Been on holiday yet, lads?"

"Off to America next month," says John. "We go to America every year, rent a car and drive for miles. Don't we, Jim ?" Jim agrees.

"Ah, America !" says the bartender. "Wonderful country ... New York , L.A, Vegas ..."

"Nah, we don't like that American crap," says John. "Meat pies and Fosters beer, that's us, eh Jim ? And we can't stand the Yanks - they're so arrogant and rude."

"So why keep going to America ?" asks the bartender.

"It's the only chance Jim gets to drive."

[apc2010]

SIAMESE TWINS


Siamese twins walk into a bar in Australia and park themselves on a bar stool.

One of them says to the bartender, "Don't mind us; we're joined at the hip. I'm John, he's Jim. Two Fosters beers, draft, please."

The bartender, feeling slightly awkward, tries to make polite conversation while pouring the beers. "Been on holiday yet, lads?"

"Off to America next month," says John. "We go to America every year, rent a car and drive for miles. Don't we, Jim ?" Jim agrees.

"Ah, America !" says the bartender. "Wonderful country ... New York , L.A, Vegas ..."

"Nah, we don't like that American crap," says John. "Meat pies and Fosters beer, that's us, eh Jim ? And we can't stand the Yanks - they're so arrogant and rude."

"So why keep going to America ?" asks the bartender.

"It's the only chance Jim gets to drive."

 

[Darwins Selection]

SIAMESE TWINS


Siamese twins walk into a bar in Australia and park themselves on a bar stool.

One of them says to the bartender, "Don't mind us; we're joined at the hip. I'm John, he's Jim. Two Fosters beers, draft, please."

The bartender, feeling slightly awkward, tries to make polite conversation while pouring the beers. "Been on holiday yet, lads?"

"Off to America next month," says John. "We go to America every year, rent a car and drive for miles. Don't we, Jim ?" Jim agrees.

"Ah, America !" says the bartender. "Wonderful country ... New York , L.A, Vegas ..."

"Nah, we don't like that American crap," says John. "Meat pies and Fosters beer, that's us, eh Jim ? And we can't stand the Yanks - they're so arrogant and rude."

"So why keep going to America ?" asks the bartender.

"It's the only chance Jim gets to drive."

 

[apc2010]

BREAKING NEWS............none of the England football team will be voting in the EU referendum.........






Because not one of the useless bastards can put a cross into a box...........

[Barman]

BREAKING NEWS............none of the England football team will be voting in the EU referendum.........






Because not one of the useless bastards can put a cross into a box...........

 

[Steve]

BREAKING NEWS............none of the England football team will be voting in the EU referendum.........






Because not one of the useless bastards can put a cross into a box...........

 

[Steve]

  Who needs a dictionary when you have dads.


 A small boy has a school home work question to answer, so he asks his father, "Dad, what's the difference between 'theoretically' and 'realistically'?"

 
 His dad thinks and then says "Right-o son, go and ask your Mother if she'd sleep with David  Beckham  for a million quid."
 
 
 The boy runs off and comes back saying "Dad, dad, she said she would! She would sleep with David Beckham for a million   pounds."
 
 "OK son," says his dad. "Now go and ask your sister the same question." 
 
 The boy runs off, and comes back saying "Dad, dad", she said "she would too!"

 So then his dad says "Right, son, now go and ask your brother if he'd sleep with David Beckham for a million pounds."

 
 The son comes back excitedly saying "Dad! Dad! He said he would too!"
 
 "Well there you have it, son," said his dad.    "Theoretically the family could be sitting on three million quid. Realistically we're living with two tarts and a poof."
 


 

[Nick]

Has Tipsy got a daughter?

[Darwins Selection]

Has Tipsy got a daughter?

Miss I is barely cold.

[Nick]

Close, but no cigar. Off to bed

[Pirate]

Hilary Clinton decided to send Donald Trump a letter to let him know how she felt about him.

Trump opened the letter and it appeared to contain a single line coded message: 370HSSV 0773H.

Trump was baffled, so he e-mailed his family but they also had no clue either,so it was sent to the FBI who couldn’t solve it.
No one at the FBI, CIA,or NASA had a clue.
They eventually asked Britain ’s MI6 for help.

Within minutes, MI6 cabled this reply:” Tell Mr.Trump that he is holding the message upside down.