Fresh from the Inbox

[Steve]

Bloody WiFi went down at home last night so I had to talk to the missus.
Apparently she doesn't work at Woolworths any more

 

[Barman]

Bloody WiFi went down at home last night so I had to talk to the missus.
Apparently she doesn't work at Woolworths any more

[Baldy]

Bloody WiFi went down at home last night so I had to talk to the missus.
Apparently she doesn't work at Woolworths any more

 

 

[Darwins Selection]

Bloody WiFi went down at home last night so I had to talk to the missus.
Apparently she doesn't work at Woolworths any more

 

 

 

[Miss Demeanour]

"Knock , knock "
"Who's there ? "
"The pilot !"

[apc2010]

"Knock , knock "
"Who's there ? "
"The pilot !"

 

[Barman]

"Knock , knock "
"Who's there ? "
"The pilot !"

[Steve]

Do Animals stutter?



A teacher is explaining biology to her 4th grade students. "Human beings are the only animals that stutter,' she says


A little girl raises her hand. 'I had a kitty-cat who stuttered.'


The teacher, knowing how precious some of these stories could become, asked the girl to describe the incident.


"Well," she began, 'I was in the back yard with my kitty and the Rottweiler that lives next door got a running start and before we knew it, he jumped over the fence into our yard!'


'That must've been scary,' said the teacher.


'It sure was,' said the little girl.  'My kitty raised her back, went "Ffffff!, Ffffff!, FfffffF,"   

But before she could say 'F**k-off !,' the Rottweiler ate her!

[Steve]

Two old ladies are outside their nursing home, having a drink and a smoke, when it starts to rain. One of the old ladies pulls out a condom, cuts off the end, puts it over her cigarette, and continues smoking..

Maude: What in the hell is that?

Mabel: A condom. This way my cigarette doesn't get wet.

Maude: Where did you get it?

Mabel: You can get them at any drugstore.

The next day, Maude hobbles herself into the local drugstore and announces to the pharmacist that she wants a box of condoms.

The pharmacist, obviously embarrassed, looks at her kind of strangely (she is after all, over 80 years of age), but very delicately asks what brand of condom she prefers.

'Doesn't matter Sonny, as long as it fits on a Camel.'


The pharmacist fainted.

[apc2010]

Two old ladies are outside their nursing home, having a drink and a smoke, when it starts to rain. One of the old ladies pulls out a condom, cuts off the end, puts it over her cigarette, and continues smoking..

Maude: What in the hell is that?

Mabel: A condom. This way my cigarette doesn't get wet.

Maude: Where did you get it?

Mabel: You can get them at any drugstore.

The next day, Maude hobbles herself into the local drugstore and announces to the pharmacist that she wants a box of condoms.

The pharmacist, obviously embarrassed, looks at her kind of strangely (she is after all, over 80 years of age), but very delicately asks what brand of condom she prefers.

'Doesn't matter Sonny, as long as it fits on a Camel.'


The pharmacist fainted.

 

[Barman]

Do Animals stutter?



A teacher is explaining biology to her 4th grade students. "Human beings are the only animals that stutter,' she says


A little girl raises her hand. 'I had a kitty-cat who stuttered.'


The teacher, knowing how precious some of these stories could become, asked the girl to describe the incident.


"Well," she began, 'I was in the back yard with my kitty and the Rottweiler that lives next door got a running start and before we knew it, he jumped over the fence into our yard!'


'That must've been scary,' said the teacher.


'It sure was,' said the little girl.  'My kitty raised her back, went "Ffffff!, Ffffff!, FfffffF,"   

But before she could say 'F**k-off !,' the Rottweiler ate her!

 

[apc2010]

My wife told me that her fantasy shag would be Brad Pitt.........

Then she went mental because I told her mine...........







Apparently Vicky from next door is neither a celebrity nor thirteen yet...........

[Barman]

My wife told me that her fantasy shag would be Brad Pitt.........

Then she went mental because I told her mine...........







Apparently Vicky from next door is neither a celebrity nor thirteen yet...........

[apc2010]

It is now being rumoured that Andreas Lubitz was just searching for some for ''plain simple methods for suicide''........

[Darwins Selection]

It is now being rumoured that Andreas Lubitz was just searching for some for ''plain simple methods for suicide''........

I bet his mum is getting fed up with the junk texts asking "Do you know someone who was hurt at work?".